Thanks for the e-mail. It was funny.Somestimes i do forget to laugh. I live day to day. Sometimes my husband is great others he is a beast in humman form. He is great when he takes his meds and when he doesn’t the beast comes out. So thanks I really do forget the joys of life. Have a great day. Bless you for all your work.

I keep my sanity by laughing at the disorder.If I stay all serious and fear the effect that this illness will have on my future, I find myself really depressed.laughing about all my little quirks and the crazy things I have done(even the bad stuff)keeps my mood up, and lets my family friends know that I am all right. When the laughter stops, something else will fill it’s place. So……SMILE-It was a great weekend and I am still alive and well.SO ARE YOU!!!!!!!

My husband is biopolar with ADD. I do’t really think of him as a husband because we have not had sex in 8 years and I live and sleep in the family room. I have no life. I hate this Disease. I usually quit reading your posts every couple days because I just don’t want to be in this disease but then I always come back. Your emails give me great insight but then I am always still in the same place.

Too right! There is usually something that’s funny about amy ailment/illness and it helps to find it and laugh! Black humour is often the best I find. Once when feeling so lone I was conteplating the end, a silly little ditty came to mind:
“I was I was a birdy
Cos happy am I not.
With luck I’d be a pigeon
Cos them I might get shot!”
My miserable face actually cracked a smile!!! It made me feel a it better and just enough to lift me out of self-destruct mode for a while. During this same period a new friend based in the States (I’m in the UK), a lady who had experienced terrible depressions, started to send me cartoons, all of them black humour and it really DID help lift me. I looked forward to the envelopes dropping through my letter box, knowing inside you be a card or just a clipping of some cartoon. I wish I’d kept them all. I hope I still have somewhere my all time favourite, of some guy way out in the ocean, being kept from drowning by a really naff looking child’s inflatable-ring safety float with a horses head. One with girly pink poker-dots on it. You know the thing – really REALLY naff, the like of which no self-respecting male would go near if he were looking for something to help him swim at the beach… In the distance is a cruise liner sailing away from him. He says, “Thank God they didn’t see me.” Depressed? Yeah, I was but that had tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks, not those of misery.

You got the message and that’s what matters.

LOL you have a point there Graham.

Dave,
Thanks for todays email. I have been very unhappy for a very long time, unknowingly dealing with BP for 15 years. I don’t have many friends and I know this is one of the reasons why. Too Serious! Plus I many not be JUST a supporter! I intent to find out now that my son is fairly stable and my daughter will begin therapy soon.
I will be adding one more thing to my list of goals – Laugh Daily!
Thanks Dave & bpserenity

Hey David,
How great thou art! I just started reading your emails and wow, I am so needing some advise right now! I am happy person most of the time, but darkness is just around the corner nightly. Someone just sent me a Redneck Calendar for 2008 and I passed it on to my BP soon to be Ex. He told me it made him laugh because I know this has been hard on him.I finally had to set the boundaries of what was exceptable in a marriage and maybe that will save him because I couldn’t. I love him with all my heart but he refuses meds. after 12 years of being in recovery and doing great on them. He prefers self medication at this point and will not get help. I have loved him for 23 years and will continue to pray, for him. This is the worst thing I have ever had to do in my entire life but I still see a bright side to life and laughing will still continue as long as I keep reading!!! Keep writing, we all need it. I have a daughter and sister who also have this illness and they both do very well at keeping a life in tact and are a kick to be around, all of us being blondes we know all the jokes! Thank you for the time you put into helping us. My Dave needs your help so pray for him. Everyone needs to “Live, Love and Laugh,” and we would all feel better.

IT IS GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU DAVID. I HAD BAD TIMES WITH MY DAUGHTER THIS YEAR. QUITE FRANKLY IT LEFT ME IN A VEGITATIVE STATE. MY DAUGHTER AT AGE 17 RECEIVED AN ABORTION. SHE IS FEELING A LITTLE BETTER BUT I REALLY DON’T THINK THAT AS A BIPOLAR I WILL SNAP RIGHT BACK TO WHERE I WAS LAST YEAR. THIS ABORTIONS ARE SO COMMON PLACE IN ARE SOCIETY THAT ITS ALMOST EASIER TO GET AN ABORTION THAN TURN THE HOT WATER ON. AS IS THE ROUTINE IN MY HOUSE I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW BECAUSE OF MY BIPLOAR 1 I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AWARE OF ANYTHING STRESSFUL OR SO MY WIFE THINKS. I STILL LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR E-MAILS AND BLOGS. JAMES

Thank you for the email.

I just swallowed all meds for the day. I REALLY needed a laugh.

Also, realize that I am a terrific person. I am having trouble seperating diseases, disorders from defining me.

I have had major episodes of depression since at least early-mid teen years. Post partum depression worse after each daughter. Severe depression DURING pregnancy with 3rd daughter. At least I realized the symptoms and received some therapy.

Primary Doc. and OBGYN thought I was being “over-reactive”. Very severe depression about 2-3 months into pregnancy. I was almost hospitalized. Thanks to my sister- in-law who was with me when I melted down, she was a god sent. helpful.I melted like the wicked witch in Wizard Of Oz! Hey, is that Humor? Maybe meds are kicking in!

I have taken Wellbutrin 300mgs for years. (at least 8-9). It works well, or I have tried to go off but very bad side affects. (accept pregnant with daughter #3)

I was diagnosed last year Late Nov. of 05 with ADD. Not so much hyper type. My life, marriage and everythig around me was falling apart.

I take the new adderall (vvanse)sp? 50mgs in AM. for the ADD. Couldn’t remember if I even took this AM so I took another…oops….Yes, clearly of sound mine here and focused here! I also take Clanzapam and Alprazalam daily. It helps reduce anxiety, agitation.

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar. About 3 months ago. Very hard to accept the diagnosis. I have worked up to 150mgs of Lamictal. I think it has started to stabilize me over all. I have Bi-Polatr with severe long episodes of deprsession. some manic.

My brain doctor thinks I may have been mis-diagnosed for at least 15 years.

I have spent many 2-3am’s crying in the shower, in severe panic and frightened. But not since Lamictal has built up.

Can someone explain what the more mild symptoms of manic are?
What have others experienced?

No elephants in my living room. I do sometimes shop when I feel down. Usually shop for my daughters but occasionally for myself.

Very difficult to sleep for many, many months. I started Serequel sp.? at night at 25 mgs. Not helping? But only been a few nights though.

Also I may have PTSD due to the death if my parents and events surrounding them. Between February and end of April for the past 4 years I am flooded with emotion and severe grief.

I have no family left. Accept one dear Aunt and Uncle. Who have serious health problems of their own. Like breast cancer and heart problems. Of course I have my husband and kids. My husbands Mother treats me like a daughter. But she will never replace mine. But, she would never understand these problems.

I wish and pray to get better everyday. I don’t want any of this, I don’t want my daughters to have these issues or disorders. I do not want my family to see their mommy sad, agitated or cranky.

I want to LAUGH, NOT FEEL Not so STRESSED. I want my husband to laugh. I don’t want my moods to affect all around me.

Please GOD do not let this affect my children. Or genetically inherit this.

My oldest daughter suffers from pretty severe Dyslexia. She is in 5th grade. Smart, lovely 11 going on 26. Seems to be inherited from her Dad’s side of family.

It would be such a blessing if I could find an inpatient facility, or intensive out patient facility that could help me work through all the emotions and acceptance.

I live about a good solid hour from Seattle. Close to the West Coast Canadian Border in Washington State.

I would be willing to fly somewhere to get help. But, how can one do this if there is not enough money? Airfare, I might be able to afford?

I can’t refinance any thing. Due to our business, can’t get funds from that. I have been digging up every loose item in my house that we don’t need to sell or consign.

I pray everyday that somehow I could go away and get intensive treatment. Is there any agencies, benefactors government programs, that anyone has heard of or maybe been able to benefit from?

Also, has anyone had a brain tuype dcan, like a spec scan to clarify where in the Brain their problems are?

I am also Afraid (geesh) a lot. I wish that emotion would disappear).

In a near state of PANIC ATTACK.
I am a wife of 12 years. Mom of almost 12 years of 3 beautiful daughters.

I am supposed to go meet for a part-time job today. Calling new boss now. In the logical part of my soul and brain, I know everything will be fine. I am afraid of misplacing things on the job though.

But, I am scared, nervous, in a state of trying to ease my way out of this panic coming on. My husband and I own a very successful Business in our town. I am “an absent partner.” I am in charge of lot of Public Relations. (Never be with out a business card…)

I am so scare that I can’t do it all? Kids, husband, house, doctors and where do I fit in?

I can relate to this illness robbing of me of my joy, spirit and happiness.

My husband has NEVER asked me to work part time. So I feel VERY obligated to try. We have a situation where my medical bills are very high. I feel guilty on my part.

Also our Mortgage company shorted our property taxes by $5,000. But The Assesor that we owe taxes but were failed to be to notify us. In a timely matter.

I think this may have been the wrong posting section to post…if so, I am sorry.

But, thank you to all who took the time to read this. In advance I can not express my thanks for any advice and responses.

I am just your mom next door. Who is scared and struggling.

aliizzyjosie@yahoo.com
I check this email more often).

or you can email

bellaflips@hotmail.com

Shannon C. in Bellingham,WA 98225

U ARE WONDERFUL.LOVE WHAT U SAID,MADE SOO MUCH SENSE.

Thank you very much. I often get a great amuont of relief from laughter. i also see the effects through my wife, who is dealing with bipolar disorder. Please keep the e-mails coming! They also help me in dealing with reality!!

I think laughter is one of the best medicines life has to offer us for healing.

I love to laugh and to make other people laugh. I also have a lot of blond moments. ( and no – I’m not blond). Others would also agree with this.

When I feel down or I know I’m going to be by myself for a long period of time, I sometimes rent a funny movie. I feel so much relief from that.

I don’t think you’ve lived a full life until you can laugh at who you are and who other people are as well. That means being able to laugh at our own mistakes.

None of us are perfect!!!

I grew up in a house where there was a lot of laughter. I always like to make people laugh. I laugh at mistakes I make and I also laugh at mistakes other people make.

I just don’t think you’ve learned to accept who you are in life if you can’t laugh at yourself and others as well.

Some people think its rude to laugh at other peoples mistakes. I don’t know why. We all do things wrong and besides we all are human. Why not be able to joke about life!!!!! It’s a heck of a lot more fun!!

Sometimes when I get down, it helps if I rent a funny movie. Laughter is one of the best medicines life has to offer us for healing.

If someone could explain to me how I managed to post 1 comment 4 times, I would greatly appreciate it! Every time I try to log in, it acts as if I don’t exist or that my password is wrong, but it actually posted my comment. That was really embarrassing! I hope everyone got a good laugh out of it!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

DAVE, it’s so very true that you’re much healthier if you can laugh at yourself and don’t take life too seriously. I know some people who are serious or even miserable all the time and they don’t look or feel well. My boyfriend has had a terrible life, mainly due to his bipolar disorder which lost him all his money and turned all his family against him. But he sees the funny side of everything and makes jokes about life all the time. He also makes fun of his bipolar disorder.

I went to the doctor today because of weird sleep patterns and other strange symptoms. He couldn’t make sense of me being full of energy in spite of being underweight (again) and having low blood pressure. I walk all afternoon to and from work and the shops. I’m up all night writing, designing, cooking, cleaning, watching tv, etc. etc. and sleep only 5 hours or less in the morning. Every couple of weeks or so it catches up with me and I want to sleep all day. The doctor did a lot of blood tests and I will know the results later this week. He says it’s most likely peri-menopause though some symptoms I described don’t fit. It could be a thyroid problem or possibly cyclothimia. When I told my boyfriend he said: “That’s probably it! It’s probably contagious!” The way he said it was very funny and typical of his sense of humour. So we laughed about it for a long time, though of course we both hope that I haven’t got cyclothimia.

HOPE, you’re right too. It’s exactly what I do when I feel down. I watch a funny film or read a funny story. It works every time.

my husband walked out on me a year ago and we have had little contact i knew he was bipolar and tried everything to get him help i moved on and met someone else these past 6 months and all is going well. I just got a call from my husband tonight saying he has a chemical imbalance and that he made a big mistake a year ago and that the past holidays triggered unresolved issues from when he walked out do I take him back and start over and leave my relationship i started to try and save a marriage or do i let him go for good because the chances are high he will leave again. Any comments or advice would be much appreciated.

To NELSONCAT: I highly advise you to continue with your NEW relationship. No matter how much you LOVED your husband, the bipolar disorder will make your life a living hell if you go back.

Right now, he thinks he can change. Is he under a doctor’s care; is he taking his medications?

You will only find your life with him to be a “roller coaster,” and if you don’t get off NOW, you will be regretting it for the rest of your life.

It’s easier to put up with someone who does NOT suffer with bipolar disorder than one who does. The new man in your life will probably treat you soooo much better than your husband.

So – take my advice – or not. This is just my personal opinion.

NelsonCat. No one knows what it’s like to be you, nor do any of us know how you relate to your husband or your new man. Only you know these things. So. no one can – or should – tell you what to do. It’s a decision you must make on your own. However, you could talk with a good (I stress good!) counsellor, who should be able to help you work through your feelings and thoughts about this problem, so you will be better able to reach a decision.

Thanks Suzannewa and graham for your comments. I couldnt sleep all night thinking about it and remembering when i wished this day would come perhaps to get back together and the other reason was for closure but it left me feeling guilty mostly. Guilty for moving on for not doing more more more.,He got involved with someone 10 years younger after he left and he ended when this new episode was triggered and i listened to him tell me all about it it was hard he only contacts me when he is depressed it seems and life isnt going good. Never when he is manic or feeling good i guess that is the way it goes. I know we would always be haunted by what happened and it would be a constant reminder and that would be no way to live. They say if you love someone set them free if they come back it was meant to be. But its so different now and we are different besides he still isnt in counselling and on antidepressants i think they still have diagnosed him properly yet. I hate this disease it really does distroy marriages, families and friendships i know it is the disease and not the people. I want to believe my husband really didnt want things to end this way. I know i have to set him free but it is like going through the grief all over and like when he walked out the first time. Having to loose him again. Thanks for listening everybody.

nesloncat, Don’t be too hard on yourself. If the marriage hjas to end, it does, and you’ll be in a lot of company where BP marriages are concerned. These days, in the US and UK I believe something like 50% of all marriages fail, but the stats for BPs is more something like 90% I think I read. So, if its some consolation, you ain’t the only one – there are lots of BP families breaking up because of what it does to people.

This is a great thing that we can all get together for support, i have been with my husband 14 yrs . Leaving coming back. I am sure you all know what i go through. My husband takes his meds now but still i know when he doesnt. It is a everyday battle. I am so glad to hear a voice out there. I just now these past four yrs have been learing about bipolar. So much stuff. I pray for each and everyone of you that God can heal this . He gives me stregth to get through each day. Ps . Does David send daily post? I love this guy.

I am glad to have gotten this information, because I started to be too serious. I am starting to be able to identify the BP manic in my son, he tried to, excuse me i mean the BP tried to manipulate me and I did exactly what David did in his last e-mail. I said, I am sure you will make the right decision and then I moved on. He came home and said what is happening to me this is not me. And I knew then that I got through, and Bp weazled back into it’s corner where it needs to stay. Biut I still need to remember to laugh and smile because that is who I am and I look terrible when I do not smile.

“…he can ultimately manipulate you, as you say he comes by only when he is “down.” ” Perhaps I’ve got this wrong, but I didn’t think it was/is BPs that tend to be manipulative but the Borderline Personality Disorder folk. Anyone? David?

GRAHAM, I’m sure some bipolar people can be manipulative, like anybody else. I think the disorder works differently in different people. It depends on someone’s basic personality how the bipolar works. e.g. like excess alcohol makes some people tired, some silly funny and some violent. I used to know an old man with various minor physical disabilities. He was extremely manipulative with a way of always getting money out of the government and other authorities by making his disabilities seem much worse than they really were. He wasn’t bipolar, but I knew a landlady who was. She never admitted having the condition, except when it was to her advantage, e.g. claiming disability benefit instead of getting a job.

MELINDA, total denial seems very common. My ex-husband was exactly the same. He refused (still does) to get help and turned it around telling his family that I was the one with the problem not him. Of course, his family believed him not me and eventually succeeded in splitting us up. They didn’t live with him and never saw him in the state he got into some days, so of course they didn’t believe it.

nelsoncat, you have a big decision in front of you. I can’t give you the answer but I can give you a few questions that I would use in this situation. When I first met my partner all was going well and I fell in love, I always still loved my ex and that will probably never go away as he was my first love. Well I too got a call from him and he wanted me back. This is how I dealt with it. I had made a commitment to the man I am already with and should I honour that commitment? How happy are you with your new relationship? Does he make you laugh? Do you have good communication together? Do you love him? then on the other side you have to think back and just because someone has a chemical inbalance or bipolar and made the wrong choices you do not have to just have to drop everything and run back because he wants and now realises just what he lost. He too has to adjust and accept the consequences of his actions chemical inbalance or not. I have bipolar and sometimes have made bad decisions and have had to pay for them one way or another they are called learning experiences. It would have been great to just step backwards and have someone rescue me like your husband is doing. Looking to you to fix his problems and make it right again. He may need to accept the choice he made and learn to live with it. He can not emotionally blackmale you into dropping the life you have made and go back to a situation that may not have been totally right in the first place. This brings me to the next few questions you may need to ask. Do I want to go backwards in life and return to that life with my husband? What was that life like? As it will not change, if anything it may be even more challenging as moving backwards can sound easy but there is a lot of trust that needs to be restored and issues that need to be resolved and will take some work. Do you really want to do all that work? Do you still love your husband, or are you only thinking of going back because he has a chemical inbalance? Or is it really because you feel awful for him and feel guilty? That is not a good reason to go back for. You must be sure that you totally love him and want that life you had with him, but be aware that it will never be like it was. Experience showed me that with my ex we split up several times and each time I ran back to him and life was never like it was before it was harder and more mistrustful and love just did not seem to be the same. I decided not to go backwards and to stay with the man I had made the commitment to and now have been with him for 5 1/2 yrs and they have been the best years of my life. What ever your decision is make sure it is what you really want and look deeply into it. If you have the possibility of a future with this new man, I know if I was in your shoes I would take it. Some people may disagree with me but the way I see it Mental Illness and living with it as well as chemical inbalances are hard work and you have to really love the person unconditionally and able to forgive and forget to stay in that relationship. I do not know what sort of person you are or how strong your love is for your husband or the new man in your life, but what ever choice you make I am sure it will be the right one. One thing is you must never regret the choice you make so make it wisely and I wish you Gods Blessing and all the strength to make it and you are in my thoughts.
Kind thoughts
Douglas

Graham,

I am just BP but sometimes I think I have other things, like anxiety. The depression is the worst. The mania is rotten because it actually manipulates it’s victim (ME) into thinking I am superwoman! I take on more responsibilties than I should and then find out I can’t handle them all mentally or physically.

I would get so stressed over the little things when everything else that was big was also closing in on me. The lack of sleep and restlessness is enough to drive a person mad and then boom someone or something (like a broken computer) goes and makes you feel even worse.

For me I take care of myself because I don’t want others to have to help me pick up the pieces, but in the past before I got on the right medications those moments of self control were just out the window. The disorder had manipulated me into thinking everyone and everything was to blame for my problems not the actual illness.

For me having my husband say honey how about you take a hot bath and I’ll get you some tea…always made me feel like I was loved even when I was miserable from stress. Of course, I have also found that a good sleeping pill with muscle relaxers helps to get the sleep and restlessness taken care of. I don’t manipulate my husband into taking care of me. It is a reciprocating affair. He has times when he needs me to take care of him and I also have times.

When I get stressed I lose days of sleep, my appetite is horrible, and I tense up every muscle in my body. If I don’t get the release (sleep and food) I need, I go bonkers as a result. It is like I forget how to take care of myself and therefore I don’t take good care of others. Including a loss for their feelings as mine are already horrible so I naturally rub off my attitude on them.

I think Narcissistic behaviors are also a good sign of a manipulator. Borderline according to you and Susan seem like a good explanation as to the types of manipulation you refer to but there are plenty of other illnesses that can fit that bill.

Great point you made Graham! I don’t understand everything myself and can only base things on my own reactions and ways I have dealt with my illness.

I have heard horror stories on this blog! I guess I am lucky that my support is so good and that I have a system in place. I had a couple of rough years and so did my family learning about what was wrong with me and how to handle it, but in the end I am alright and so are they.

BPSerenity
Thanks for the reply. I presume from how you describe it you are BP Type 1. (Yes?) That said, I don’t believe it’s quite as clear cut as Type 1 and Type 2 – there just CAN’T be a clear line between the two. I’m “only” Type 2 but I can identify when you say, “…I forget how to take care of myself and therefore I don’t take good care of others. Including a loss for their feelings as mine are already horrible so I naturally rub off my attitude on them.” I suppose there is also the issue of seeming detachement from others when depressed because closeness can sometimes feel oppressive and too much to handle. (Not a good description but it’s the best I can find to describe the feeling when it has occasionally happened to me.

My BP overlays Dysthymia. I understand Dysthymics have a great capacity for empathy and sympathy because they have a special ability to put themselves in the shoes of others and almost feel what it’s like to be that other person. However, they are also capable of coldness when they become dissatisfied with a relationship, as they often do!

Combine the two disorders and I presume it may result in the DD-BP pushing loved ones away. Little wonder that, when they come out of that phase, supporters will feel they are being manipulated, I suppose, do you think?

Question for any – what has been your experience with a bi-polar male and jealousy?

my hubby has bipolar an i try to look at it as a illness, yet i do not do this so well for the behaviors are HORRIABLE an the change that comes over him brings a uglyness that no words can describe. i live awaiting the next huge finacial mess an work so hard to fend it off…. he has so many GREAT things about him yet they get so lost for he goes away quicker now. I DEEPLY MISS (what i refer to) as “my jeffrey”. for the man i fell for is the kindest,gentle, caring man. the other side well no words here…..i well could understand a woman in her lonelyness find someone to attend to her lonlyness, someone to just talk slow an soft with, someone to sit an hold her soft an gentle, someone to cuddle with at the dark of nights.for if ya touch my hubby in the night he is so wildly thrashing about you could get hurt as i have,we sleep apart…sadly yet the other side of this awful illness is the cuddle, an oh how wonderful my hubby could cuddle, at times…..HOW AN WHY so many sides ?????? i am a old woman today an have lived basicly alone now for many years sadly i would say to someone young do not feel “YOU” will EVER make a differance in the life of the one you love with bipolar….TILL THEY ATTEND TO THE ILLNESS, and even then the illness will be a heavy burden to bare for always… this may sound strong but please go deep into your heart an say a prayer of love an let them go. and let yourself go an NOT FEEL YOU NEED TO ATTEND THEM…. only the good Lord will an can do this.

Hi everyone i have been depressed the last few days over seeing my ex so depressed but i realized if seeing him only reminded me of te wound of him walking out i should just let him go for both of our sake. I have a new man who is my rock and stability which i want. i told my ex i couldnt see him anymore i hope i did the right thing i just had to think of my oven health he said i never meant to hurt you when i came to see you the other day you should know me better than that i told him i never thought he would walk out of our lives a year ago either so how could i know who he really is if he doesnt know. I know when they crash they need people but i know he has friend and family. I have a deep love for him that he doesnt realize and i hope one day i can be his friend or pass him on the street without feeling like falling to my knees in hurt. I lost a good person yes i have a new fellow but i had a life and dreams with someone else a year ago and this disease toook him away besides he says he made a mistake now and i made him happy but we all know he can change his mind about that again. I really am greatful for all who responded especially those who are bipolar since iam not. We who arent really will never truly understand and can even seem ignorant about it.

Graham,

Sorry been preoccupied with other things and haven’t gotten through all the email posts this week.

I think you are right about the BP I but the doc I think told me BPII a long time ago. However, I had ECT during that time and so I forget so much about things that happened during that time period. I forget to ask him everytime I go and I was just there yesterday, LOL. I was more worried about going to dunkin donuts for a carmel swirl latte after my appointment and getting a refill on my Vistaril. Can’t live without some peaceful sleep. 😎

Dysthymia sounds like me, lol. It just depends on who I am feeling sympathy and empathy for though. Of course, I am prejudice and will feel worse for the person with BD more than the supporter. I guess it is only natural to feel a stronger connection in that aspect. However, I feel empathy for the supporter too because I know how awful I am feeling and when you bring down everyone else it just makes the air even more stagnant and unhealthy. Hubby was definately on guard after my episode that put me in the hospital. As much as I don’t like being there he doesn’t like me being there either. He misses having me around. Imagine that! I guess I have manipulated him into loving me? Do you think that could be why he loves me so much? LOL LOVE ME OR I’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL 😎 LMAO

You are so perceptive would you like to be my doctor? You really have the right words even when you don’t think you do!

BPSerenity. I’d love to be your doctor because I’m sure you’d be a model patient! Sadly, I’m not qualified, not even as a medical psychologist. (My Masters is in Writing Studies.) According to one of my most recent pDoc, my perceptive, empathetic nature, and capacity for sympathy is, in part, due to my Dysthymia! That’s an advantage and disadvantage at the same time. I once tried counselling people. Oh boy, I sure did understand when they described their feelings; the trouble was I was so sympathetic, I FELT those feelings. When they hurt, so did I! I’d be moved to tears and they’d end up comforting me instead of the other way around! So, that put an end to a very short career as a counsellor ….

Diskoverie and Douglas,

I found this online and I think it will help whoever is dealing with Insane Jealousy: All this is from a book called:
“Insane Jealousy”
The causes, outcomes, and solutions when jealousy gets out of hand.
by Vijai P. Sharma, PhD.

EXCESSIVELY JEALOUS PARTNER

DO THESE SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?

Here, in brief, are the signs of excessive jealousy. Do you recognize them? Presence of any one sign indicates presence of excessive jealousy. However, one sign alone does not determine the absence or presence of “insane jealousy” (disorders of jealousy). If a person exhibits several of the following behaviors, he or she may have a disorder of jealousy:

Extremely moody. Mood swings related to rage towards the partner.

At times extremely quiet and withdrawn from the partner.

Watches and monitors partner’s actions and movements closely.

Does not allow the partner out of sight.

Spies on the partner.

Intolerant of friends and relatives. Especially intolerant of partners friends and relatives.

Intolerant of compliments paid to the partner.

Intolerant of affection or attention expressed towards the partner by others.

Sudden and unexpected outbursts of rage related to jealousy.

Repeatedly doubts and accuses partner of unfaithfulness without reason or basis.

Questions with intense severity about the time spent in his or her absence.

Questions scathingly about partner’s amorous relationships with people at work.

Relentless and untiring questioning of the nature of partner’s premarital relationships, or of previous relationships, if unmarried.

Keeps close track of partner’s time, travel, and pocket money.

Directly accuses partner of unfaithful behavior.

Insistently demands confession from the partner of sexual misconduct.

Enraged if the false beliefs about partner’s unfaithfulness are challenged.

Abusive and assaultive towards the partner.

Disallows the partner from all outside contact and communication, such as from going out, picking up mail, receiving phone calls, etc.

Doubts the paternity of one’s own children.

Suspects that partner is trying to harm or get rid of him or her to lead a lustful life.

Becomes anxious that the partner has or is going to develop a venereal disease due to her indiscreet behavior.

Suspects that the partner has lost sexual interest in him because of her interests elsewhere.

Believes that the partner is some sort of maniac with an insatiable hunger for sex.

Hi BPSerenity. Thanks. You ain’t so bad yourself! ;o) (Careful, or this may turn into a Mutual Appreciation Society fest!) But don’t be so nice to me – when I’m in THIS mood, I can’t hold back the tears when people say nice things to me!

Psychiatry? Well, I have all the wrong qualifications to get into med school and I’m not of the right age for it anyway (53 this year) – by the time I qualified to be a pDoc it’d be time to retire! Besides, as I am at the moment, I’d not be able to hack the pressure of full-time study. I was retired from a middle management post in a bank, where I worked as head of customer and market research. This was about 2 years (I think … memory’s not too good) after being off work for a year due to this BP. Since then I built my strength up to working voluntarily 1.5 days a week in a school as a teaching assistant. This was my idea of therapy! I liked the work so much I decided to train to become a professional teaching assistant but NOT a fully qualified teacher because I couldn’t hack the pressure of that level of study at the moment. As it is, during the couple of months leading up to Christmas, my moods started to wobble further beyond the usual boundaries. So, I gave up the half day in the school to lay off some of the pressure. But I almost gave it up entirely, and the course, too.

As for counselling … may be I could handle it by email – it’s hearing peoples’ distress in their voices or seeing it in their eyes, breaks me up so easily. However, I’d better not think too much about this or David will think I’m going to set up in competition! ;o) And you are right – there are days when I doubt if I am helping people. I had a period like that in an on-line Group for BPs – it seems I was a little too open in my posts, such that the Moderators feared I could upset some of the more unstable of members. Not a good idea! And then, I know how I am with the Dysthymia – there is always the likelihood that I’ll switch off from such an activity as this, and let people down. It’s in the nature of the beast, and I know it’s not “my fault” that it happens, but I still feel a heel and guilt when it does.

I’m not going to put up my personal email here but, if you’d like to talk more, initially I can be reached at harryf200@yahoo.co.uk

BTW, although feeling a bit down, I was very much cheered-up by your comment, “Damn I’m superwoman why can’t I feed the whole world and rid it of tyranny? OH THAT’S RIGHT I’M NOT GOD!”

Speaking of whom, (or should that be “Whom” with a capital W?!) my religious sister said, on hearing of my BP, that God had given me BP so that I could help other people with BP. I thought, “What, so they could help other people with BP and, in turn, those folk could also help people with BP, so those helped by the others could then help the next generation with BP, ad infinitum? Hmmmm … I don’t mean to sound critical, God, but wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier if you didn’t make anyone BP in the first place?” As usual, I didn’t get an answer to that “prayer”!

SuzanneWA:
Dysthymia Disorder – at least, this is how my pDoc explained it to me, complimented with some extra research. (My interpretation)
Dysthymia Disorder is a low-level depression that is continuous. It’s untreatable, although Cognitive Therapy can help a bit. It usually starts in childhood, generally triggered by some trauma, which causes early depression. Untreated Dyslexia is just just the kind of thing that may give it birth.
Dysthymic Doisorder is commonly not diagnosed until it triggers some kind of more serious depression or other mental illness, like Bipolar Disorder. (This is true in my csse.) That’s because the person with Dysthymia is not aware they have the problem. They think the continual depressed state IS normal, and that everyone feels the same as them!
Since it starts in the early years, Dysthymia becomes part of one’s personality.
As a consequence of their depressive characted, Dysthmics learn how to become self reliant and comfortable being on their own. That’s not to say they can’t be sociable but they tend not to like being in large groups of people – intimate dinners are preferred to large parties unless … they can sit around the sides and “people watch” or if they can fit into a clique and ignore the larger part of he party. (Of course, this may be true of any kind of long term depressive illness.)
Dysthymics become thinkers, philosophers and typically idealists because they are so often alone in their thoughts. Being idealists, they are rarely satisfied with anything for very long! They charge jobs or careers frequently, or else they want to do so but other issues prevent them. So, they fester in their depression and frustration. Frustration is a common experience for Dysthymics because “normal” people rarely see their point of view or appreciate their “advanced” analysis of situations, and other matters, especially predictive analysis. Dysthymics tend to be good at predictive analysis and become very frustrated when others simply don’t see what they can! (I was predicting the “green movement” and its marketing potential atleast 10 years before any moderately sized UK company took up this challenge. No one listened to me! Saying “told you so” a decade later to my then employer was not consolation!
Dysthymics become frustrated and dissatisfied with most relationships, too. They want their vision of an ideal partner, but rarely ever find one, and they are too idealistic to want to compromise – hence, dissatsfaction. They find it hard, if not impossible to maintain relationships with people who are practical … because Dysthymics are NOT practical! Indeed, the only kind of people that Dysthymics and truly feel really at ease with are … other Dysthymics because they have a common outlook and understand each other’s frustrations with the World in which they live! That said, Dysthymics are usually good empaths, who can spot distressed people when others don’t notice. Worse, they can “feel” their pain because their imaginations become so refined and practiced they can easily put themselves into someone else’s place.
As a consequence, some Dysthymics may remain in a rlationwhip with which they are unhappy because they don’t want to hurt their partner! They cannot show love or passion to the partner because they find it hare to fake a show of love. However, when faces with a choice of making themselves happy by leaving a relationship or making their partners unhappy, and themselves unhappy BECAUSE of their empathy with their partner, they will choose to make only themselves unhappy by keeping the relationship going, albeit in a strained way. As a result, it is more likely that the partner will break off the relationship than their Dysthymic partner.
Any Dysthymics out there want to add or take away anything from this description?

Graham, your description of dysthymia is fascinating, also a bit scary, as it seems to be describing me very well. I was a very unhappy child, mainly because my family didn’t understand me (still don’t). At school I had more imaginary friends than real ones and lived in a world of my own. It changed when I left home at 19. One thing you describe that doesn’t apply to me is that I am not a loner, at least not by choice. I get depressed when I’m alone for too long and I love lively parties and socialising. So many people are jealous of me, especially women – not sure why. I can often empathise and relate to men more easily. I love animals and couldn’t tolerate any sort of cruelty towards them.

I am very creative and the longest I have ever held down a mundane job was less than a year. I just don’t fit into anything. I am not practical at all and have been reminded of this many times. I like writing and hope to be published one day. I also design and make my own clothes, paint, cook creatively. I enjoy and am good at something that can be improvised on. Anything that has to be just so… forget it! That’s why I’ve never driven a car.

I did some counselling for a while and some people’s serious problems made me cry, while others who felt sorry for themselves over silly little things made me cross. All my adult life I have had people coming to me telling me their problems and have been able to help many of them. I would like to get into counselling again. It would be helping people while doing interesting work.

As for relationships, my life has been a bit of a soap opera. Two failed marriages and a number of relationships long and short. Dysthymic or not, I am considered eccentric and a lot of people can’t handle that. I have been hurt many times and I am very patient. My second husband was bipolar, though I understood him better than he did me. At present I’m in love with a bipolar man who is totally unpredictable. He can be the most loving man, but often messes me around, or maybe it’s his bipolar disorder that messes me around. We will have to wait and see where it goes. It’s said that all good things come to those who wait.

Douglas,

I am glad to help in some small way.

Best wishes and many prayers for your success!