Hi,
How’s it going? Today I am going to share
with you a really important lesson when
dealing with bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone
with it.
I have been talking about how I have
been moving for a while now. Well the move
didn’t go so well.
-No hot water
-No air condition
-Broken shower
-Cable setup wrong
-Phone number setup wrong
-Utilities setup wrong
-Lost furniture
-Broken furniture
-Lost clothes
-Lost papers
-Cable guy almost fought the hot water fixing person
and many other issues
The list of problems that I had was really long.
Now what did I do? Well I made a list of each problem
and then I prioritized and worked on as many as I could
starting from the top.
I learned this technique from helping my mom. When I
first started helping my mom, there were so many
problems I seriously didn’t even know where to
start. Untreated or not treated well bipolar
disorder leads to a long list of problems.
Problems like:
-Finances
-Employment
-Relationships
and in some cases but NOT with my mom
Drugs
Alcohol
Sex
When you have “bipolar disorder” problems, you just
have to list them and then work on them one
by one. There is NO way to have them all fixed
in a day or two. If someone tells you that,
they are lying to you.
Just like me with moving. There was no way that
I could get everything fixed right away. There is no way
at all. It just wouldn’t work. It really gets annoying
however when you have a bunch of things that are
broken, not going right etc.
BUT hang in there, things will get better as long
as you keep working away at it. EVERY SINGLE
person that I interviewed that either had bipolar
disorder, was supporting an adult, child or teen
had lots of problems to deal with. This is TOTALLY
normal.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I get a lot of people asking me if their
situation is normal. When I hear their story
or visit them in person, I find that 99% of
the time, even the worst situations are totally
normal for bipolar disorder. People are often
amazed that I can almost finish their story
without ever have spoken to them before. How
do I do it? Because the course of untreated or
incorrectly treated bipolar disorder runs the
same for most people. All the bad things are
the same.
Anyway, I wanted to point this out so the thousands
of people on my list that are faced with difficulties
sometimes seemingly insurmountable, won’t give up
hope and they will realize that there are tens of thousands
of people on my list who are experiencing the same thing
and there are thousands that have worked through all
the problems and now are at great place–this is where
I am with my mom.
I have to take off now. Have a great day.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
When I have more than one thing that is wrong, that is when my mania really kicks in. I get overwhelmed with which is the most important to fix first, etc. I am great at making list, etc. But, the order of importance gets confusing to me and I get overwhelmed.
There are days when you breeze through and nothing goes wrong and then there are the other days that us with the “problem” have to deal with it not knowing how to handle it.
Thanks for a place to get it out, it sure does help.
I live alone, have maybe 3-4 unconditional friends. Been “sick” since puberty. I am dejected and despised. Go through periods where I can clean, then go on a dip and the place looks like it needs disaster relief. It’s always dirty, I can’t establish regular habits to keep up my apt. I am a loner. I never had a decent relationship, even as a roomate. Have no money that lasts through the month. Tired and disillusioned with life. Is this bipolar disorder? Or schizophenia? (I often hear things no one else percieves).??? (Also I am treated for Major Depression)
I suffer from both bipolar and mania. Some days better than others and I do make lists , but to prioritize some days are hard. Especially right now. I am moving out of my apartment, starting a new relationship and just trying to make heads or tales of things and right now I am on a major High….
I recently married someone who is bipolar – as yet not “officially” diagnosed by a psychiatrist, only by his primary care doc (and me). My quiet life has become chaos, as he is not yet on the right meds. Problems? I could make a huge list. He never has money so I’m always “loaning” it to him. He actually calls his 26-year-old daughter and asks her for money when I’m in bed for the night. There is no reason he shouldn’t have his own money, except that he spends it on everything under the sun, because he can’t sit still, always on the go. I love him but I’m at my wit’s end. We have separate bedrooms because he doesn’t sleep at night, even with sleep meds. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Firstly, to all those individuals who suffer from Bipolar you have my heart felt empathy, it’s just a cruel affliction. I do not suffer from bipolar but lived in a situation for 12 years with someone who did. Financially everything became a mess, I ended up soley doing everything from laundry to cooking, gardening and bringing up my only son who is now 16. It was the ages of 8 through 12 where his life bordered on neglect unless I was there to pick up the pieces on a regular basis. It was like, “I’m a big boy” but please don’t ignore my only child. To this day he does not have a normal relationship with his mother. She blames me for all the woes of our marriage. I am asking if there is anyone out there who can help me understand all of this. I love my wife, would like to reconcilliate, but there appears to be little hope. My son is of the age that he can now fend for himself. Looking for some answers or similiar situations people may have suffered in and how they resolved these issues.
Re: Your latest move, thanks to Tolkein:
When furniture movers come to the house and things need to be moved out of their way, or if they are going through rooms, they do this exactly as Tolkein describes and I react just like Bilbo:
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Thereupon the twelve dwarves – not Thorin, he was too important, and stayed talking to Gandalf – jumped to their feet, and made tall piles of all the things. Off they went, not waiting for trays, balancing columns of plates, each with a bottle on top, with one hand, while the hobbit ran after them almost squeaking with fright: “please be careful!” and ‘please, don’t trouble! I can manage”. But the dwarves only started to sing…..
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates –
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Cut the cloth and tread the fat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;
Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you’ve finished, if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
So, carefully! Carefully with the plates!
And of course they did none of those dreadful things, everything was cleaned and put safe as quick as lightening, while the hobbit was turning round and round in the middle of the kitchen, trying to see what they were doing.
I have learned to prioritize the most important elements of my life. As far as my son goes, I have to pick my battles wisely. Everything my son does that gets on my nerves isn’t bad. It’s just me letting my emotions overrule my intellect. Being a Mother who is bipolar and having a son who is bipolar is somewhat like a double edged sword. My son is also ADHD, ODD and has a behavior disorder. He suffered a traumatic event, therfore my husband and I have suffered with him. I had feelings of rage when we first found out what happened to my son. But, anyone who didn’t have a mental illness would feel like I did. I wanted to be aggressive and take matters into my own hands. I do know that if this had happened 20 years ago, I would definitely be in jail. When one person hurts in a family, the whole family hurts with them. The bad thing about our situation is (the perpetrator) lives right beside us. Now, everyone knows what I am referring to. Nothing could be done, since it was older child against younger child. Even though the older perpetrator did the same thing to his younger brother who is now 6. Life has a way of throwing you curve balls, and you have to suck it up and deal with it. I have learned not to hate too much, it will eat me up like cancer. As for forgiving, no way!!!
It`s ok saying that you have to deal with each problem one by one but how do you deal with these problems?
Hi Dave,
I’m glad I checked your story out on my e-mail, I have been bipolar for years now, even though I wasnt officially diagnosed with it until about a year ago. And the disease has really got me screwed up. I don’t know what is up or down anymore. I take meds. ie Lamictal, Seroquel, Wellbutrin, xanax, adderall and trazadone. Even as I was typing what meds I take I got up to check in the cabinet to make sure I had them all, but anxiety takes over and as I got back to the computer, I had to get up again because I forgot the trazadone, AGAIN. God, I would do anything for some relief from my condition and get some peace of mind, which I have not had in over a year and a half. HELP, Mark B. And I was going to send this right after I typed my name but I forgot my username and it took me 10 minutes to find it!!!
hello,i am writing from Italy,i am italian and my husband is american. He is bipolar but doesn’t want to be cured. I didn’t know about it before the marriage,and i am learning a lot only now. we have a baby girl,one year old. All the problems connected with his behaviour have increased in the last few months, and it was getting dangerous to live together,this is why i left and i am now going on with the separation and divorce. He refuses to be cured,and he has been violent several times,he refused to work,he spent a lot of money and couldn’t take his responsibilities for the family. But i keep sending him everything i can find on the internet to make him understand that he should ,at least,try to solve this problem. It is hard to do it here in Italy,because he doesn’t know the language and doctors don’t speak english. what can i do? he doesn’t want to go back to U.S., he could go to England,maybe. Does anybody know where to send him to ask for help in London? thank you,annalisa
I just purchased your program and am anxious to start working with it. I’v always needed structure which I’ve never had except when I have been hospitalized. I’ve bounced from doctor to doctor and been on all kinds of meds. They always ask you how your meds are working? Well, the only way to tell is to stop taking them and see how much worse I’d feel!
I’ve a rapid cycler and never know if I can get through a whole day without misinterpreting something that someone may say to me and go into isolation mode. I sure hope your program helps me.
hi, my big sister has just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. There is a history of depression in my family but my parents and no other relatives of mine have this disorder.
What are the chances that i have inherited it?
i have asked my sisters doctor but he just didnt know.
Please someone who has any knowledge help me. I have just watched my sister deteriorate infront of me and im so afraid incase it happens to me.
I live in South Africa. Here I also had problems with treatment. My daughter was born with bipolar it seems, I was blamed for the way she behaved. In the end I was convinced it was me. Until she went to stay with her dad. (As you know the disease take a toll on all relationships.) She tried to commit suicide twice, since she has been with her dad. The good thing about her staying with her dad is that she was diagnosed.
Please read my post on the original post bloggers for supporters. Especially if someone you love has tried suicide. A inside look into a bipolar mental illness suicide episode. One in 4 commit suicide. It is the disease . Know that the mind is not always capable of controlling the body. I hope this will help anyone. Just posted a few minutes ago.
I am a loss on how to deal with a relative diagnosed as “bipolar”. I am seriously concerned for her children. The verbal and emotional abuse, and physical abuse I suspect, are horrendous! This relative is someone well-known in the movie business, has plenty of financial resources, etc but will not get treatment. It’s like she uses her illness as an excuse to behave and treat people any way she wants. It’s easier for her just to let it go than actually work on the problem. How do I help her young sons? They are only 9 and 11 years old. I live in another state, so I can’t just go pick them up for the day or I would.