I dealt with my daughter’s moodiness and sometimes bizarre thought processes especially during adolescence and wondered if there was something wrong with her. When she had a psychotic episode at 19, there was no longer a doubt. She was diagnosed at 21, and is 22 now. It took me a long time to be happy about anything when it comes to mental illness/bipolar disorder. But I’m gradually getting there. I can’t say I feel lucky or grateful to know what the cause of her behavior was before diagnosis. I’d still prefer it was just normal teen age angst. But what I am able to do is now see that things can always be worse. I have a great life, great husband, supportive family, and as long as she stays on her meds she does really well. So while a diagnosis of mental illness is devastating, as time goes by you do feel better. I’m almost the same goofy and happy person I was 3 years ago when this trauma began…LOL.

Thanks for your e-mails. Every now & then they something I really need to hear right at that time. You get a little bit of the credit for why I’m feeling better. 🙂

For years I thought my mom was a little aloof and “not right”, but about two years ago mental illness really reared its ugly head…except she was never officially diagnosed with anything. Her regular doctor treated her for all kinds of things, put her on all kinds of drugs, and refused to refer her to someone who could actually help. Meanwhile, there was NO logic in trying to deal with her situation. She kept saying I was the one that was crazy when she was the one hallucinating, imagining all kinds of things, telling me I said very hurful things to her that I never did, telling me and her doctor that I did all kinds of things that I never did…
While she has still not been diagnosed by her doctor as having bipolar disorder, I am totally convinced that is what she has and after researching it, there is no doubt in my mind. The meds she has been on for the past 3 months have helped tremendously and while things are not perfect, they have improved greatly. Doing my own research and coming to the conclusion that she has this terrible illness has helped me understand the illness, and to make preparations for the next time a situation occurs. Emotionally I was a wreck, thinking back then that I had “lost” my mother forever. Now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing how to deal with the symptoms when they arise has proven invaluable in our relationship and being able to help her.

David~
Received your e-mail
I started my ADD meds.Monday.Trying to deal w/side affects .I’ll share my story soon.
Tonya

Hi Dave,
I am so unbelieveable happy that I came across your site on Bipolar.
I have Bipolar. I am now expereincing a total relapse,as I call it.
I’m going to make a very long story short.
I’ve known that there was something wrong with me as far back as I can remember. My parents also remember something being wrong with me for all my life. I am now 50.
I was finally diaognosed with Bipolar in the middle 90’s. Thank God.
I am curently married for the 5th time. Yeah, you heard right.
My husband says he’s trying so hard to understand my illness, I’m currently getting your mini course on supporting someone with Bipolar.I couldn’t afford your book because we’re in debt with all our credit cards because of my current relapse.
My brain is so full of knowledge about my mental illness, it feels like it’s going to pop off my head.
I am currently using so much mental energy to keep myself from falling into that deep dark hole of depression, that I am so tired most of the time.
Most days I have the energy and am somewhat good(or should I say manic)that I get alot done around the house.Then after a few days of that all I can do is sleep and do nothing else because I’m so tired from using all that energy.
I’m seeing a Mental Health Worker every week, and I have an appointment next week to see my doctor. I have been advised by my doctor,mental health worker,and some family members, as well as myself to go to the hosiptal. In Canada we call it going in for a much needed rest, and medication update.
The reason I’m not there right now is because I would have to go to the emergency room and tell my story to about 4or5 different people, and believe me Dave when we have a relapse,we don’t want to explain ourselves over and over again to strangers. So I’m waiting to see my doctor to see if he can get me in quicker.
The reason for my relapse is due to many stresses that are going on in my life right now. My doctor has told me that alot of stress can bring on a relapse.
I won’t go into my stresses because if I do I’ll just start to cry all over again.
I’ve had many visits to the hosiptal.
Anyway Dave a very good friend has just stopped in the only friend I’ll ever allow in when I’m feeling this way. It’s always good to have at least one friend like that in your life.
So after all this typing I have no idea why I was writting you.
Another simtom of bipolar. I hate it when I forget things.
Anyway, I’ll say so long for now and maybe later when I’ve rested I’ll remember and come back on.
Your mini course is a great help to me, I just wish that my husband would read most of the stuff that I print off of all of your daily emails I recieve from you.
Thanks again
Catherine

It is extremely difficult when one does not know what is wrong…. I myself experienced that for many years and so did my kids. The moodiness the accusations etc. drain the life source from your soul. You live in a state of just going through motions of living but in reality your numb. You become like the walking dead and you keep trying to figure out how to fix whatever is wrong yet your not sure what’s wrong. It is a mess.. a mess that I would not wish my worse enemy to be in. The sad part is unless the person accepts that something is wrong nothing can be done. I am afraid the person who is not bipolar begins to get ill as well and it is extremely damaging to children and their mental health. I am happy now that I can understand but that did not help my marriage unfortunately but at least I can be aware in case
I see any symptoms in my kids knowledge truely is power and I plan to learn as much as I can in regards to mental health.

I self-medicated with alcohol and drugs for 15 years. When I got sober 5-1/2 years ago, my bipolar disorder came crashing to the forefront of my life. I began arguing with strangers, yelling in public, shopping like crazy, vandalizing others’ property. I had no idea why I was so angry, why I stayed up for days, why I never felt “normal.” Thank heavens for my psychologist and psychiatrist that I already had long term relationships with. Up until I got sober, we focused on alcholism and drug abuse as the main problem. It was suspected that I had bipolar, but the doctors waited until I had been sober for over a year to really confirm the diagnosis as newly sober behaviors can mimic bipolar. Its just now, in the past few weeks that I have started accepting my disorder. That is because I am finding great doctors, educating myself and most of all because I have the love and support of the people I care most about.

In retrospect, I probably started out with childhood onset bipolar disorder. I cried every day. High school was nightmarish and that was when I began to contemplate (though never attempted) suicide. I only ever played it out in my mind. I would have ’bouts’ of insomnia, unusually high levels of creativity, etc. It was not until after I had our second son and was prescribed Prozac that I had my first noticeable hypomanic episode. I painted the walls, the wood work, furniture, and pulled up the carpet from one end of the house to the other (without discussing it with my husband first :). I experienced these kinds of waves in lesser severity for some time. Then, in another hypomanic episode, I decided to go back to get my Master’s in Psychology with three small boys at home, the youngest of whom was only 1. Again, depression followed and, again, preceded mania. I began painting, painting, painting. I bought a TON of materials for the creative ideas that I had but would never have the time nor the energy to complete. I got another cat. I pulled the carpet up in a new house from one end to the other, again without discussing it with my husband (though by then my behaviors were becoming more predictable to him). This was followed by the most severe depression of my life. I couldn’t move. Everything hurt. I thought about suicide all of the time and felt terribly guilty about it because I have so many wonderful people who love and need me. I didn’t feel I deserved their love. I am here, today, because of them. Our children gave me a reason to live and I’m so glad to be here. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder and granted ‘psychological disability’ from the university I was attending. I felt like a fraud and a failure. I’m ‘psychologically disabled’… What kind of psychologist could I possibly be? I held out, though, and graduated. Fortunately, I met someone who had already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder who recognized my behaviors and wild ups and downs right away. It seemed so obvious to her. Family came that Christmas and my sister said she hardly knew me anymore. She said that, despite my high level of intelligence, I was making some really obvious mistakes and poor choices. When I told her I thought that I might have bipolar disorder she said, “Well, that actually makes a LOT of sense.” I immediately sought out a psychiatrist who has me on the right combinations of medications… for ME (not everyone responds the same way to all medications). I am currently experiencing a hypomanic episode, about which I’m not that happy. I can’t slow myself down. Worse yet, I compare bipolar disorder to Newton’s Law of Gravity: What goes up, must come down. I know what follows and am hoping to head it off… somehow. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to share my story. There are many of us out there (my brother is just now being treated for bipolar I disorder, even though he was diagnosed 2 years ago) and we are not defective. We simply have a biological glitch, but with it comes a capacity, in having experienced the gamut of human emotion, to know happiness when we see it. We are truly a passionate people.

I have a son who was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 10. He also is on the very high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. His bipolar issues are more significant than the spectrum issues. At one point, my son did not sleep for almost four months and we thought maybe this is what happens with some kids on the spectrum. I have since learned that it is not uncommon for kids with spectrum issues to also experience mood disorders when they begin to approach adolescence. We are confronting the right problems now.

I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder about 1.5 years ago, and never thought anything of itg, or had it throughly checked on with my pc physician until a month ago. I now am taking “Ambilify” and I’ve noticed a change in my overall self. I used to go off at people, at the drop of a dime, no reason, then next second, be as nice as anyone could be. It truly does PROGRESS, it did from 1.5 years ago til No-ONE in my household could take it anymore. I feel ashamed, and or un-human if you will cause I have to be strapped with this, awful, demeaning, disease, and not someone else. I’m learning to deal with it. The depression part of it, is what really kills me. It’s really hard for me to come out of a 5-6-7 day depressed, lay around all day, sleep all day, and I am 42 years old, have a 3 year old, 15 yr. old & a 16 yr.old. They don’t understand, it’s not fair to them. Anyway, that’s my BI-POLAR story, and I’m just glad, I’ve gotten a hold of it now, Finally!!!

My son is 7 going to be 8 in a couple of months, He was first diagnosed adhd as most children are. Everything showed itself to me whe he was in kindergarden when he told the secretary he loved her and then punched her the next second. My nightmare went on for another two years before the doctors would even entertain the idea of bipolar. I even considered adoption for a while because i felt like a terrible mother.(I have been a single mother since my son has been 1 1/2) What i did not understand is why. I could not understand why this child could be so hateful towrds me–he would hit, kick, bite, punch me. He would also play with knives and scizzors cutting the furniture. I tried for months mabey even years to understand “how” my son could be like this. I found David’s sight in December of 06 and my son was diagnosed bipolar earlier the same year. I had to hospitalize my son for two months and get his meds situated. He did have a small episode on me since then. But now I am in a relationship with an amazing guy who helps me support, and loves my son. And my family is always there to help. My son is now a playful, loving, and sometimes respectful(as boys go lol).

My boyfriend of 14 years has been bipolar for probably 20 years or so. He was only diagnosed with it about 4 years ago. We live in Iaho and the mental health care system here SUCKS! They have treated him like he was a guinea pig, putting him on all sorts of meds – these would either drug him up so bad that he would be sitting in a chair with a sword across his lap threatning to kill himself (with droll dripping out the side of his mouth, and was unable to lift the sword). He was so out of it. Or they would put him on another concoction that would wind him up even more. He is not currently seeing a doctor for bipolar and is not on any meds for it. I knew something was not right with him for a long time before he was diagnosed, but didn’t know what exactley. I just got used to the cruel things he would say and do (stupid on my part). Now that I know he is bipolar it is still hard for me when he goes through episodes because he can be really mean, but I know that he isn’t in his right mind and have to love him anyway. I just wish we could get some “real” help for him. He is only able to work off and on, so we don’t have the funds right now to get him seen (or even buy David’s book on how to earn extra $$). This site has helped me deal with him. I want to thank you David for helping others…God will bless you!

You must find a mental illness doctor that will listen to you . One that you can get ahold of to adjust medication immediately. For years I would bury all the bad images each day by locking myself in my room with my cats. And trying to erase the flashes I call it re-setting. By sleeping. Sometimes it is days before I can start fresh. I have always been physic and actually live the experiences of being one of the victims of horrible events a week to 10 days before they really happens and I see it on t.v. The burning of my flesh when a plane I went down in , to being a student at the Columbine shooting. I did not get hurt that day. But I was there know saw the third shooter who decided to chicken out at the last minute, These are things I can not prevent Sometimes I am a man from a foreign county in the plane, and a student at the school. The guilt of not knowing enough to prevent things because I do not see dates and exact times is beyond description. This along with personally being sexually assaulted 4 separate times and nearly shot, stabbed and strangled are allot to deal with. I was always very manic and fun person. But when it hits I must know to stay away from the news and I need complete silence. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress. At first then Manic depressive but I was never depressed for myself . Now it is called Bipolar. just I felt bad for others. But I knew to seek more help from a different doctor. When I try to be normal and not let things get to me it builds and then the instructions from inside to kill yourself kick in. I am not nor will I ever think about taking my life. i want especially loved ones to know this disease is like nothing than can be imagined it is without reason or logic. And if it does take a life it was not because in my case at least that you are even aware of it happening. Please rent the movie with Mel Gibson Conspiracy Theory and note the cab scene where Mel picks up passenger that is the only time I have ever see anything close to my experiences. It will help you see a portion of the illness at work. It can be a great day and without any thought example last time i was putting the trash bag liner in the trash no problems when i put it over my head and started to tie it tight. i called my Mom and she stayed with me until we saw the doctor and got new meds. A few days age at the train tracks as the train approached the instructions yelled at me just go hurry . i did not follow them. You have no concept of results or even the thinking something of such a thing seconds before. I have been lucky enough to snap out of it and see what was happening before anything went final. I have prepared my family for this and made arrangements for my cats and to donate my organs or medical research. Not that I wish to die the opposite is true. But the disease is very strong and it may beat me someday. I will see my doctor next month and try yet another medication. There is no magic that makes it go away and the med side effects suck. My meds that saved my life that time put over 40lbs on in 6 weeks. Now I am embarrassed to leave the house and constantly asked hows the diet I barley eat at all. When are you going to get your figure back How fat have you gotten besides super high blood pressure what can you do besides for myself is to live quietly alone with my precious kitties and only leave the house when forced to. It sucks. My solution for the moment is to volunteer with animals. I will feel love and a purpose also needed. I will stay with fat and love rather than thin and tormented. It is just a temporary physical body anyway. The real person is in your soul. Do not wait for 6 weeks if your meds suck find a doctor who will not make you wait and try a different treatment. It is always changing and adjusting. No one person has the same prescription And it change s up sometimes. Tell your doctor immediately and if they don’t listen and explain the side effects and other options go to another one right away. It may take 1-20 until you find the help you deserve. The doctors are not at fault they just went the right doctor for you. I hope this helped someone or family cope better.