Hi,
Hope things are going good for you today.
Pretty soon I am going to be looking for some writers for various topics on my bipolarcentral.com site.
Keep checking out the daily emails and look for a posting on this.
I also wanted to point out that feel free to post on my bipolar blog. For some reason, I have gotten many people asking for permission to do this.
People on my list are so polite and respectful.
Hey, I wanted to talk about something today.
I know that dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder is hard.
I know that sometimes it can be so hard that you may want to hide under the covers and never come out.
I know that sometimes it can be so hard that you just want to run away from your problems.
I know that sometimes it can be so hard that you just wish someone would wave a magic wand and make your problems disappear.
Unfortunately, you can’t hide under the covers and never come out.
You can’t just run away from your problems.
And nobody is going to wave a magic wand and make your problems disappear.
How do I know?
Because I’m a supporter, and I’m still here. And so are you.
So what’s the answer, then?
You need to learn how to deal effectively with your problems. In my courses/systems below, I talk about problem -solving techniques:
NEW
LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But there are ways to take your mind off your problems.
Let me ask you this:
Have you ever watched a sporting event? Like a football game, for example. You can get so caught up in the action, that you can forget everything else going on around you!
Watching a movie can kind of do the same thing for you – you can get so caught up in the movie that you can forget your own problems for awhile and be caught up in the problems of the people in the movie.
What about reading a book? Getting caught up in the plot can help you forget your problems, too. Especially if it’s a thriller! Even a romance novel will work, because you can get caught up in the characters’ problems and forget your own for awhile.
You can take a long drive in the country, just enjoying the scenery, and let your mind drift away from your problems. Think about how beautiful nature is instead. Notice the little things.
Visit with a friend, and listen to their problems instead. That will certainly get your mind off your own!
Try some creative writing! A children’s story is a great place to start, because when you’re trying to get in the mind of a child, looking at life (and its simplicity) through their eyes, you can’t be thinking about your problems at the same time.
Putting old photos in a scrapbook can also bring out your creative side, and bring out good memories as well, taking your mind off your problems. It may take a little more effort to be positive about the activity, but you can do it!
Listening to some upbeat music can bring you out of your doldrums and get your mind off your problems as well (especially if you dance to it!).
Some supporters have found that meditation and relaxation exercises have helped them to take their mind off their problems, as well as to reduce their stress levels.
These are just some ways you can get your mind off your problems.
I’m sure if you try, you can think of more!
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Good morning David,
I have been really down lately money problems and everything I was thrown into a really bad episode. I feel really bad I stress when everything is going wrong in my life all at once. I feel I cant handle it I am very emotional and I cry alot. I dont want to kill myself but I shake and get totally wacked out sometime. I talk to my higher power alot and he makes me feel good I feel like running away from everything. I try and help some people I clean for that need help. I make jewelry and I dont like T.V. I like shows I can learn from and one soap opera Days of Our LIves that relaxes me. I went to therapy the other day and I broke down crying and I felt very comfortable because he is cool. I dont have to many people I trust that I can talk to they dont understand me. I have to worry about myself before I can worry about anybody else. That is what is up with me I am trying to do Taebo and I love to exercise and stay busy but sometimes I need to rest my neck. I have a really hard time in my relationship I start not likeing my boyfriend he is so different not my type you know I cry he yells at me alot.
Thank you for listening to me you really make my day I love getting your e-mails it makes my day. Grace
todays email from david got me thinking.
We can feel’consumed”almost by the ups and downs and phases etc.//the roller coaster ride we are taken on whether we want to ride or not..lol
This can be very waring and/or exilerating depending on how we feel,energy levels etc..and when we have our own probs to deal with it can feel like pure overload!
I fully agree with david..that taking tiome out for yourself..to get yourself back to’your own “baseline”is so important..and this also helps to damp down feelings of resentment and overload.
I personally think that its got to sometimes be”all about you”some “you time”basicaly yin-yang so to speak..and that the bi-polar sufferers themselves must take personal responsibility for their behaviours..which is actually GOOD for their confidence anyway!
Many thanks for todays E-m,ail david..this one realy got me thinking…its not selfish to balance things out and think of yourself when caring as regards BPD
RE:my post.
i mean bi-polar disorder,not BPD borderline PD by the way……apols.
DAVID,
IT SEEMS THAT MOST DAYS YOUR EMAILS ARE THE ONLY POSITIVE POINT IN MY DAY.
DEALING WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S BIPOLAR SYMPTOMS HAS WITHOUT A DOUBT BEEN THE TOUGHEST THING I HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO.
MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE LIVED TOGETHER FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW. HE HAS BEEN OFF HIS MEDS FOR OVER 3 MONTHS. HE INSISTS THAT THEY MAKE HIM GROGGY, AND “SLOW HIM DOWN” MENTALLY. HE HAS BEEN LITERALLY ON A RAGE FOR MORE THAN 2 WEEKS. HE HAS KICKED DOWN DOORS THREATENED TO HURT ME AND OTHERS AND HAS NO REGARD FOR ANYONE. I AM TRULY WORRIED FOR NOT ONLY HIS SAFETY BUT MY OWN.
DID I MENTION THE FACT THAT HE IS 6’7″?
HOW CAN I GET THROUGH TO HIM? DO I JUST LEAVE? HE IS AT THE WORST POINT OF RAGE THAT I HAVE EVER WITNESSED. HE HAS AN APPOINTMENT ON THE 18TH TO SEE HIS DOCTOR AGAIN. I’M AFRAID THAT MAY BE TOO LATE.
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS AND ADVICE. BELIEVE ME, I READ THEM EVERY DAY.
I am new to your site. So far pretty good. I have a problem with a comment on today’s posting. You mention some supporters take medication as part of their problem solving of living with a bipolar partner. Why in the world would a (if you will) NORMAL person take meds to help themselves cope with a person who should be on meds? Is that not similiar to non-alcholic drinking to help an alcholic? I just do not agree with that at all. My mother was a “legal” drug/prescription addict when I was growing up, I am thinking now she was bipolar. Well I am with a bipolar man now. I married him, divorced him, he stalked me and stalked me. Finally he started taking medication. It helped so much. he did his meds for 4 years faithfully. I took him back, but did NOT remarry him. Now I am stuck. he is off the meds and of course he is saying nothing is wrong with him and he is not and never has been bipolar. He took the meds to make me happy. I had told him he was taking them for him NOT for me and if it was for me to leave me alone and get out of my life. That is it pretty much it in a nut shell. I knew in my heart and mind that he would do exactly what he has done and I knew not to take him back. Last time I left him, we lived in a rental house. This time “I” own the house and I can’t leave. He WILL NOT leave. I can’t stand being around him and I want him out of my life. My very last nerve is gone. I do not love him, respect him or trust him. I do not want to go through the stalking thing again. He would walk right through restraining orders. He is not violent, thank GOD! I would love to pass him on to someone else, but he can’t focus long enough on anything or anyone but me. He is more manic than depressive. I need rest and I need relief. Please, someone give me some ideas that I haven’t alreay thought of!
Bev
Dear Dave,
I really enjoy your e-mails, in fact I look forward to getting them, it helps me know that i’m not alone in this,,,The last e-mail that I got from you saying to try and take time away from my own problem with my son who is 33 yrs old with 6 children,,,,which isn’t very easy,,but I’m starting this Sunday teaching a Children’s Church class,,,I really look forward to that, I’m hoping this will keep me busy & keep my focus on God. Thanks for the e-mails and keep them coming, my prayers & thoughts are with each & everyone that is dealing with bi-polar in anyway. Debbie 🙂
Great advice today. Especially the taking a drive in the country.
I still say, I wish I knew then all that I know now, perhaps we could have saved a marriage and gotten help for my now ex-husband.
I believe though, God has a plan and our choices only change the course but the ultimat result remains. Thank you and God Bless
Hi Dave please dont send me more mail my brother in law is the one with bipolar and hes being help. Noemi.
I am interested in writing some of the articles you were referencing. Please contact me at kristiherand@gmail.com
Those seem like good coping strategies. It also sounds like escapism. I’ve used them and they do work. Although, it’s a temporary distraction delaying the inevitable, which is dealing with problems we’re faced with.
I agree that people need time off, a break from reality every now and then, especially when life throws lemons at you. We may even come back refreshed after practicing those coping mechanisms. To, in the end, tend to real life.
HI….
well listen to this a went on a course last night and you no when you fist walk in to some were new i was so nerves and i could not think sraight. I sat listerning right till the end then I realized I was in the wrong course. I was gutted I really wanted to do the course. My thinking caps not that good.
P.S my course was in the next room.
Take care linda x
Im getting extremly bored of going to the doctors. being given all sorts of medication that i dont feel comfortable taking, ive been given trazadone, benzodiazepam, diazepam, temazepam citralepam, amitriptoline, and even seroxat which i hear has now been banned. none of these medications work, i have been in and out of therapy councelling and they dont know their arse from their mouth. but on the up side when im having one of my good days i feel like im flying. ive been diagnosed with S.A.D.S. aggrophobia, chronic anxiety, and bi polar i just wish they would make up their minds, thank you for reading. sasha.
David, All of last week was a very bad week for me, so much so I just wished I didn’t want to be in this world. It started with a row with my sister. I spent last Monday crying and just couldn’t stop crying, Mondays words kept going over and over in my head on tues and i spent most of the morning in bed crying. That was dangerous for me I went so low I really wanted to end it all. I am on my own from about 8.40am til 3pm while children are in school.
Wed I decided to keep really busy and cleaned the house from top to bottom moving beds around. Thurs I ached from weds work, and just felt numb,in my mind, took loads of painkillers for my body.
Fri due to very bad ice I couldnt get my husband to work. He promised me he would go in late but wouldnt get up and we had another row. The thoughts of the financal strain coz he was going to be down a days pay upset me so much I spent Fri crying again Oh God where do all the tears come from.Sat wasnt much better and sunday after my dinner I went to bed and slept for hours. It didnt even affect my nites sleep.
So On Mon I decided if I keep really busy I dont have to think and cleaned the house again, yesterday coz house was tidy i decided to clean all the windows, Wash the nets and iron them all.
I really thought my plan was working til a friend called and just talking to her I ended up in tears again and was morified coz I have never cried in front of her before she isnt one of those friends you cry in front of. she lovely dont get me wrong and i do share my troubles with her but not cry.
I really need some Hard advice PLEASE. I’m lost in this world. Could someone somewhere tell there’s light at the end of the tunnel…….. coz rite now the cloud over my head is so dark its scares the sh..e out of me.
I really have been going on alot today so I’ll before the tears start again. My email is amandajanekeddy@gmail.com for anyone who thinks they might be able to help.
God Bless Amanda
Good morning David,
My husband who is bipolar has left his family (wife and two children)9 weeks ago. He’s been having an affair with another woman. He was drinking heavily,now he’s quit 8 days ago. He was clearly self medicating.Since leaving I’ve heard about other affairs he’s had in the last 17 years. Believe it or not,I would probably still take him back.I’m sure this is symptom of the bipolar.Can you believe he has a unique way of blaming me?Anyway I’m still hoping he’ll come home.He’s sober now and that would be very different from the man I lived with. Any thoughts David?
“Thank You” Bonnie
Dear Dave,
I am not only a supporter, i also am bipolar. i am struggling big time with all of this as my son is extremely OUT OF CONTROL!!!!! every time i take him to see his psychitrist to talk about his meds etc. i tell him about his EXTREME anger and rage, i beg him to put him on something for it, put him in a group or something!!! Life is horrible to say the least!!! He pushes me around, punches walls, kicks things, yells cusses, takes his arm and sweaps things in anger all over the floor, refuses to do anything i ask of him!!! Does anything and everything to start an argument with me. Takes off he is extremely destructive, blames me for everything, denys putting his hands on me, i’ve called the police on him, i’ve had to take him to the er due to him punching the wall because he thought he broke his hand. i knew his hand wasn’t broken, however i saw it as an oppertunity to get more doccumentation of his volitile behavior!! He gets in all kinds of trouble in school, has even gotten arrested at school and taken to a juvanile detention center, due to disorderly conduct. Yet he says that i’m the only one he disrespects, however alot of his write-ups at school are because of cussing teachers, skipping classes his rude behavior to the teachers etc. He can’t even go one week without a write up. i have a serious problem trying to control my own bipolar episodes with all of this going on. i also went into a very serious crisis a crisis a couple of weeks ago i tried to get ahold of my psychitrist 2 times in one week and never got a call back, i also talked with my anxiety group leader and she left a interoffice paper on my chart about it and i still recieved no call back. Dave i don’t know how to handle all of this, when i was in that stage as i was in my own episode and had be actually for a few months, mania at the anger and rage point and those were the only emotions that i felt, i did the absolute best to contain them!!! i actually was at the point that i was either going to call the help line, or had to call my mom which is the only support that i have and she doesn’t completely understand the whole bipolar/agorophobia/anxiety things, but she does do her absolute best and she gets better as the years go on. She does help me as i have come up with a plan to help with it, i have get aways, her house, my ex in laws house anything i can find, which is extremely hard for me to do with the agorophobia!!! The only way that i got out of the anger and rage is that i threw myself in total mania as most if not ever bipolar person knows how to do. Now that things ARE even worse than they were the anger, rage, anxiety everything is at an all time high. i am sooooooooo lost and don’t know what to do. Please please Dave help me, please Dave i don’t know what to do i am sooooooo lost, please Dave, even the police were wishy washy when i called them on him the last time, please Dave help me!!!
I know what you mean: things hadn’t been that great for either my daughter or me of late , but then we decided to go and see the movie Slum dog Millionaire what an extraordinary movie – just lifted my spirits right then and there – because the movie wasn’t talking up victimhood or cynism or defeat or it was talking up triumph over the odds , about remaining true to yourself,that there are choices: glasses half full or hakf empty- about life being lived. I loved it.
It just takes something little that’s positive for me to see the great stuff Ive got going for me and my daughter. Anyway as usual you bring rays of hope to us all.
Regards
Shona
To ANNE: I’m sorry you’re having such crises in your life, what with your son being unmanageable, and your bipolar/agoraphobia situation. I wish there WERE some way I could help. Maybe you could pull yourself enough together to go to the ER and talk to someone on the Psych rotation. You’re obviously VERY stressed out, and this seems like the more logical thing you could do right now. Good luck to you, honey..
Some of the “stress relievers” mentioned in today’s email sound GREAT! I would LOVE to be able to be the prodigious reader I was in my 20s and 30s, but the meds I’m on give me a lack of concentration, and I can’t read a book for remembering what is going on! I DO, however, read gossip magazines – not only are they entertaining, but I get away from my own troubles by living vicariously in theirs!
I’m NOT “crafty,” so anything like photo albums or writing children’s stories are “out” for me. I am, however, attempting to start with freelance writing, although getting anyone to accept my proposals is HARD. I don’t know the “bidding” process well enough to know how to “bid,” and when I do, it’s too high!!
I would also like to be considered for the writing assignments you may have. You can contact me at: Slmsmc@aol.com.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
David,
I’m so glad to know I am not alone in this struggle. I’ve been married for two and a half years and it’s been a long ride for both of us. I also have M.S. and a few other problems so it really puts a strain on everything. But I do love my husband more than anything and I appreciate any help I can find for him. I’m so glad I found you!!
Love and GOD BLESS!!
Allison
Hi
My daughter of 22 has been diagnosed with Bi Polar 6 months ago. My problem is trying to get my extended family to understand. They judge her behaviour and say everyone has bipolar these days. I feel I have no one to talk to when she is in a depressed state. When she is depressed I find myself feeling that way as well and have the need to talk to someone but feel that noone will understand. Does anyone have any ideas on how to express this to my family
I have discovered that the best thing for me is to listen to a friend’s probems. People think they need to not bother me with their problems but when things are most stressful around here it really helps to focus on someone else. When things are bad you tend to get into “woe is me” state of mind. When that happens it helps to be forced to think about someone else. Listening to other people also helps point out that you aren’t the only one with problems.
After you listen to their problems you feel better and then tend to go on to lighter topics. Then you both get a bit of a break from your problems.
Hi David
YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I NEED THAT EMAIL TODAY. I FEEL AS THOUGH IM NOT DOING ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MY SON. YOU SEE MY HUSBAND WORKS AWAY FROM HOME AND MY SUPPORT IS NOT WHAT I WOULD LIKE BUT YOU LIFT ME UP EVERYDAY. THIS MORNING I FELT LIKE PUTTING MY HEAD UNDER THE COVERS. BUT PICKED MYSELF UP HAD A SHOWER GOT DRESSED AND WENT TO VISIT A CANCER PATIENT AND WHEN I SAW WHAT SHE IS GOING THROUGH MY PROBLEMS ARE NOT AS BAD AS HERS. MY PHILOSOPY IN LIFE IS TO MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH AND YOU FEEL MUCH BETTER BUT I COULDNT APPLY THAT TO MYSELF THIS MORNING UNTIL I SAW WHAT THAT WOMAN IS GOING THROUGH. IM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN AT THE MOMENT BUT I DONT LET MY SON SEE HOW IM FEELING IM JUST AFFRAID THAT HE GETS INTO THAT HOLE WITH ME. JUST PUT ON A BRAVE FRONT AND CARRY ON WITH WHAT EVER COMES MY WAY TODAY.
THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT.
AMBER
Dear Dave My boyfriend is bi polor and hes beyond being ok he was in the hospital yet they kept him for only 6 days and now hes out and I see nothing they did to help him or any improvement, He is beyond being normal he is dangerous he hurt me and threatens his parents and his brother iwth harm and hes in a world of his own I dont live with him and nor would I due to im expectin twins with him, I am sadden and have gotten to the point that I cant be pregnate and work and deal with him. I love him yet i have no idea how to help him he has gotten to the point that all he wants to do is hurt people and I do realize that I have to back away for myself and the babys
Dear David and Friends,
Today is one of those really difficult days as a supporter of a person with bipolar. My son is having legal problems for the second time this week. Why does it seem that individual with bipolar seem to have a magnet that just attracts problems and the people who cause them? Your advise was good, but sometimes it is so hard to take our own medicine of good advice.
Not to change the subject but with all the government bail outs – where is the bail outs for mental health, their families, their supporters? Where is the education to law officers that not all pegs fit in the same whole?
I just want our life back!!!! Sorry for the emotions -first time I am writing – just need to yell – or cry or yell and cry. David, never stop what you are doing, you are the hope during the dark silent moments. Thank you!
I thought you were a wierdo on the make;taking advantage.I ignored most of the emails and felt angry.However today I have discovered the comments by other sufferers and this was because I realised you had words of comfort and wisdom in your updates which made me look further.I am going to correspond with amanda ,her story and those shared by others have made me feel that I am not alone.I have stopped all my meds since when I was suicidal in Oct.I was not taken seriously and after taking 3 overdoses was put on Depakote which made me totally disfunctional.I feel let down and afraid that there is no safety net for me as I do not trust the medical proffession to support me and I dont want access to a cocktail of drugs ever again.I dissagree with so called support in the community and home treatment as an alternative to proper hospital care in a time of crisis. My husband is named as my carer. What a joke! He was working 10 to 14 hours a day!I am depending on God to get me through this and discovering how powerful prayer is.The hardest bit is getting the first words out because I am so depressed I cannot speak.I speak the word of God out of my mouth and learn to listen to the positive and not the negative thoughts in my head.I am not anti-meds and have relied on them for years but I did not have the support I needed and and do not have the support to help me onto a new drug regime.I do not have the strenghth to go through it and I do not want to go backwards.My personal choice is to trust God because I am His daughter and he will not let me down. It is a battle and I am learning that it must be won on a daily basis.I dont recommend anyone come off their treatment unless they have been given faith and I believe this is time for my victory over years of severe depressive illness.I will let you know.
Hi, Im new to this. When I first started going out with my fiance I didnt know he had bi-polar. Our relationship was amazing, we got engaged and then I fell pregnant and he just changed. He got angry and treated me horrible. He became violent and after an incident when he hit me I had no choice but to leave to keep me and bubs safe. That day he went to the hospital and spent a month there. We’v talked alot about everything that happened and he wants a second chance. He told me he had stopped taking his medication but now he has me and our baby he won’t ever do that again. I want to give him another chance because the man I fell in love with was just so amazing. Im looking up everything I can on bi-polar to help me make this choice and so I know what signs to watch for and to be the support and family he needs. Thank you for your web page, it has helped me alot. I now know I can find a way to have the future with the man I love that I’d imagined before I found out about his illness and seen the worst that it can bring out in him. My baby is going to have an amazing father that I can trust completly with her.
Hi, I normally just read what you have to say each day. But tonight it just made me cry – why you ask. Well because my boyfriend has been in an episode (‘funky town’ as he calls it)for the last two weeks and still in it today I have been following more to look for answers as to why he ain’t getting better. The dr changed or adjusted his meds roughly two weeks ago and still he has not come out of it. We don’t live together so I don’t know for sure he is doing all that he is supposed to be doing. But after 2 weeks I would think that the meds would ‘kick’ in and he would at least call me. He has cut himself off from me completely and I don’t know what to do. He is just isolating himself from me and most likely others to (no friends of his that i know have seen or spoken to him either). He said to me that he needs to work some things out and he needs time….but I don’t understand and for how long? I just wish he would speak to me – but calling has been pointless as I know his message on the machine by heart now. How long do I have to wait to hear from him again? Could this last for months or what? Worried, dazed and confused and missing her boyfriend.
Hi,I joined your site a few weeks ago as Iam a supporter for my daughter.She was first diagnosed when she was 18 after trying to commit suicide she nearly succeeded and her flat mate just by chance forgot something and come home. She went ok for a couple months until it made her put on weight and bad influences told her she was fine and the drugs were doing her more damage thn good. So here we are 4 years later and after another episode where I made her come home and stay until we get it stable again and her more educated and myself. She is doing a lot better and medication and therapy are now in place and are excepted and she can say I HAVE BI-POLAR and that’s ok Iam no different from anyone else 99% of the time. Her an our big problem is her fiance he couldn’t cope with her and is primarily concerned about money and posessions and has done nothing but harass her about coming home going back to full time work and how and what bills are due and need the money. We have got her back to work one day a week, no stress and her boss understands. She was working with his family business but after this last episode they fired her. We asked him to come and live up were we are so that him and her had suport and there is no one down there where they are to help or to support him. His family don’t understand and he barely understands think it’s like the flu and she will take some tablets and in a couple days be better. So he did agree to 6 months while he was here as soon as he went home it was no can’t get anyone to stay in the house etc etc plenty of excuses, he said to me that I should pack up and move down there. He won’t marry her now till she is better and seems unwilling to be a part of anything, no support or help at all. He is Christain and says that he is going back to follow the bible and god 100% as he says he has found that it has always worked for him, and guess that’s my sore point that he seems to be for himself she is so in love with him, I just don’t know what to do. His family is constantly telling her she will never be able to cope if she has children. What are the risks for her and being pregnant? I there medical reports on Bi-Polar woman and pregancy? Thank you all for lettting me get it out there I do find it really hard some days.
david i have a ?. my son has bipolar and his doc. wants to send him to a sic. hosp. wat should i do ?.