==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
What’s going on? Well today is Saturday
and the weekend is finally here.
Yesterday I spent the entire afternoon volunteering
with an organization that helps those who are
dealing with bipolar disorder.
I was kind of annoyed because some people backed out
and that meant I had to do everything myself.
BUT, while I was doing what I had to do,
I thought of something that happened the
other day that I forgot to tell you.
So I guess it’s a good thing that I was
by myself and had a lot of time to think.
Let me tell you the story.
I got in an argument with my dad the
other day. It
was about my mom and a “bipolar situation”
and the mistake my dad keeps on making that
so many others make and it creates such
problems for them.
This make, I think, is the #1
reason I think bipolar really seriously hurt
our family for so many years. It’s the #1
thing that I corrected when I took over
and was my mom’s chief supporter.
What is it? The mistake is called NOT
standing up to bipolar disorder.
What do I mean? Well bipolar disorder is a mood
disorder where a person can say and/or do
things the normally never ever would do OR
is not in their best long term interest.
Many people with bipolar disorder go into
episodes and do a whole lot of things
that create huge gigantic problems for
them in the future.
For example some people with bipolar
disorder (NOT everyone but a lot of people
who go into episodes):
-Spend money on big purchases they don’t need
-Borrow money and take out l.oans
-Quit a job
-Do something that loses them health insurance
-Have unprotected sex
-Get into drugs and alcohol
-Make promises they absolutely can’t positively keep
-Say things that wind up getting them into big trouble.
NOTE-
I just know I am going to get a lot of hate mail
from people who have bipolar and say I am stereotyping.
Hey if you are about to write me hate mail, no matter
how good you are, let’s be honest, you and I know
that what I wrote is true, right for many
people with bipolar, NOT everyone but many people, right?
So before you send me hate mail or call with anger,
understand I am writing to a mass audience and trying
to prevent problems not writing about those with
bipolar disorder that do everything right and don’t
have any problems. Make sense? I hope so.
Anyway, there are a whole lot of things that a person
who goes into a bipolar episode can do.
I saw this my entire life. Over my life, sometimes
my mom was in an episode and bad things happened:
-Entire periods where we never ate dinner together
or went on vacation
-An entire period where we had to have the lights
off in the house for the most part
-Entire periods where money was spent on the most
ridiculous things
-Entire periods of time when the house wasn’t cleaned
-Entire periods of time when I got screamed at for no reason.
It was far worse for my brother. He got screamed at a lot from
what he has told me.
-Entire periods of time when money would vanish
And other bad things. These things occurred when
my mom was in an episode over a long period of
time. I am not saying that every single day of
my life growing up was horrible–it was not.
But there were times when the craziest things
would be going on for lack of a better word. The
reason why these things went on, or most of them,
was because no one stood up to bipolar disorder.
Instead of my dad standing up to bipolar, he always
backed down. I can’t think of one time my dad
stood up to bipolar.
So recently, my dad thought my mom wanted to quit
her job. She actually didn’t, but he thought
she did, and he was going to go along with it.
I was like, “dad are you kidding me? Her job
is part of both of your low cost health care,
if she quit, 50% of your healthcare is gone…
did you think of that?”
He mumbled something and I was so super annoyed
that after all this time, he still doesn’t stand
up to bipolar.
I thought in my head, if my mom really wanted
to quit, he would have gone along with it
under the guise of “keeping the peace”
or that he is older and doesn’t like to argue.
I have explained to him on more than one occasion
his plan of NOT standing up to bipolar disorder
has failed for more than 40 years.
When I took over the first thing I did was
stand up to bipolar. I refused to go along
with ridiculous things that my mom’s bipolar
was demanding like giving her c.redit cards
so she could spend money when she already
had no job and $30,000+ of d.ebt. My dad actually
wanted me to give her c.redit cards back
and I said no way. Period.
Today my mom thanks me for this decision.
Don’t forget this.
You have to stand up to bipolar disorder.
What does it mean? Well there is going
to be these times that the bipolar
disorder can start demanding things that
are not good for the person with it or
the people around them and you are going
to have to say no and not go along with
it.
It will be tough. You will get yelled at.
Bad things will be said about you. But in
the end, it will be the right decision.
You will have to hang in there. Your loved
one’s bipolar disorder will say horrible
things about you. But you will have
to stand up and not back down.
Once the person is out of the episode
he/she will thank you, like my mom
did and like so many other people
with bipolar disorder report to me.
If you don’t you only hurt yourself and
the person. Eventually the person will come
out of his/her episode and will have tons
of problems to deal with because you didn’t
stand up to bipolar disorder.
I am sure that many people on this list
that are doing well, want a loved one to
stop them from destroying themselves or
the people around them. That’s part of being
a “good supporter.”
Don’t fall into my dads ways and back down
to bipolar disorder.
Another way you can stand up to bipolar
disorder is to get information on how
to effectively deal with it. That’s where my
courses/systems come in.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
If you haven’t gotten them, take a look.
People ask me all the time if the course/system
covers this or that. For the most part it covers
virtually every problem a person will face because
my mom and our family had to face them all.
Also I take it a step further and have solutions to
problems other people (generally the 8 to 10
that worked for me) had that we didn’t have
to face.
I want to make a few more comments. Notice
I say “stand up to bipolar disorder” and write
my mom’s bipolar disorder said or did this
and that. Don’t think I am losing it or
out of my mind because I talk about bipolar
disorder as if it were a thing.
I really think of it that way. I think of
bipolar disorder as something that is separate
from my mom. It’s a cunning thing that tries
to constantly create problems for me. I always
try to stay ahead of it.
If you follow my line of thinking. It would want
nothing more than to be around a bunch of people
that never stand up to it.
Imagine that bipolar disorder was a dictator
of a country and wanted to take over the world.
The dictator would want countries to simply
allow it to take over with no resistance.
Okay I don’t want you to think I am totally out
of my mind so I hope you get the idea. I tell
you these things and concepts as odd as they may
seem because this is the kind of thinking that works
for not only me but so many other successful
people dealing with bipolar disorder.
One last note, if you have bipolar disorder and
are stable, you can help yourself and your supporters
by signing a simply agreement that says something
like the following:
“If I go into an episode, I give you permission
to stand up to my bipolar disorder and help me
prevent myself from doing self destructive things.”
I know tons of people that have these type of
agreements. I have an agreement like this with
my mom.
How does this help? Well if a person starts going
into an episode and you have the agreement, it gives
you the strength to stand up to bipolar disorder
easier and not second guess yourself.
Okay I have to run to the gym. Catch you later.
If you have stories of not standing up to bipolar
disorder or standing up to it, please post them
so others can read and learn. Or if you have
any other comments, please post them.
I can’t say this enough.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
I was wondering how you stand up to bipolar disorder in the scenario you mentioned here. It makes sense how you can take a credit card away from someone, for example, in an episode, but if someone wants to quit their job and you stand up against that, won’t they just sabotage it anyway so they are fired (e.g. refuse to go to work, refuse to perform)?
This comment has been removed by the author.
((((Dave)))) Thank you for all the HONEST SHARING– ( “the truth shall set us free” and “Truth hurts”) I, also had a very interesting childhood and well– the inner child goes on,,, more enlightened and loving tho. I think ALL PEOPLE HAVE THE CHOICE OF 2 ROADS- to pick from- “BITTER or “BETTER” Yes– “BETTER” helps us stop ENABLING– and that is when we can really be healthy in our family and the Universe in general. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and insight–ITS HEALTHY AND HELPFUL. I live by the LOVE AND TRUTH RULE– and many people will continue to get upset and even persecute- BUT– The light is healthier then the darkness– SHINE ON.
Nancy
Hi Dave: You are doing a splendid job in reporting facts and teaching coping skills about bipolar disorder, through your e-mails and other writings.
I share your ardent desire to inform us about the why’s and wherefore’s of bipolar disorder, since having been diagnosed and prescribed with several daily medications myself, for the last ten years. However, this posting is not about me.
What I would like to suggest is, in your e-mails you are forced to place a dot (.) in words like “free,” “debt,” “credit cards,” et al, due to the SPAM filtering that both ISPs and subscribers utilize.
This has to be a PIA for you to do so, but can easily be resolved by having a one-line header at the top of your e-mails that states, “NOTO BENE: To avoid having these informative e-mails trapped and deleted by SPAM filters, please add the domain name ‘mentalhealthworld’ to your Friends List.”
I have to use this in my outbound mailings for my One Man’s Opinion missives and hope that you find benefit in doing so, thus giving you the freedom of expression, without sacrificing untrapped delivery to subscribers.
P.S. the word ‘healthcare’ in your most recent e-mail, “Bipolar Warning, Don’t ever make this mistake” may have caused many Spam traps to spring and the message may not have reached some of your subscribers.
Hope this helps.
Best regards,
Brian
Pensacola, FL USA
“Home of the U.S. Navy’s Blue Angels Flight Demonstration Team”
found at: http://www.blueangels.navy.mil/
“The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy.” — Malcolm Forbes
I’ve read your e-mails since you started sending them….my wife is bipolar for 14+yrs….she is very religously inclined(Born Again Christian)….every so often (like now) she says God has healed her & she stopped taking her meds….she is in hospital now….I do not know what else to do….ready to give up….I’ve done all the things you have been sharing in your e-mails but she seems very determined to have her “own way”.She does all the crap you describe then feels sorry for the embarrassing outcomes….yes I understand that’s BIPOLAR but for God’s sake…stay on your meds if you are so sorry…I AM FRUSTRATED…FED-UP…ANGRY…GIVING UP
this could be me, spend spend spend and I did quit my job and lost my insurance and now can’t get any because of to many pre-existing illness
I have quit so many jobs and done each ane every one of those things mentioned, and more. I have tortured my friends and family when none of us knew what was wrong. Thanks to this newsletter, I am finally able to see what IM DOING to those I love and maybe even how to fix myself. Thank you so much for speaking out. Most don’t even realize that bi-polar is real.
Dear Sir,
This appears to be an email for caregivers of bipolar people. While many of your statements ring true, I would politely ask that you be a little more delicate in your delivery. And also remember that the crazy stuff you write about is done by non-bp people as well. In fact, worse. My bp friends aren’t killers or spouse abusers. Many are caring, compassionate parents or single people who realize their hidden disability and suffer in silence, trying to live a healthy life and not hurt others. We deserve a chance to live and not live in isolation. Can you understand this and offer a little balance and tact, please? Can you address this, please? If not, if you just want to keep beating us with a stick, then I’ll politely ask to be removed from this email list.
I was content editor for a website for people with disabilities. One thing I learned from these courageous people: We all have a disability. We all have a disability. The sooner people realize that, the sooner they will be a little more even-handed in treating people fairly, not beating bp people with a stick. We’re all not the same. I guess all of the caregivers are model citizens. They never, ever take advantage. They never overspend. They never quit jobs. Right. And I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. Wake up.
Hi Dave and BLESS you for taking the time to pass along your knowledge. God only know I need some help with my son. He is 18 now but when he was 7 was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, OCD and something to do with social settings. He has not been diagnosed with bipolar however I see the signs and through all the reading I’ve done on the subject he is a classic case. My fear is his uncontrolled rages. I truely am afraid of him at times. (He is NOT on meds of any kind) Just the other day after him not sleeping for several days the explosion hit and hit hard. Believe me I have several bruises and am sore all over from this last blow up. Dave, how can I convince him that he needs help? He says he doesn’t want to be dependant on drugs yet he will take other drugs or smoke. Please if you know of something let me know.
THANKS
And please keep up the good work!!!!
Crystal aka ladywolf
Hi Dave,
I can’t begin to tell you how familiar your words are to my life and experience living with a husband (now ex) with bipolar. It’s what eventualy caused my divorce, the ups and downs and mood swings were too much for me to handle. What I’ve realized now is that being married to him was far easier than being divorced from him. The attacks have only increased in order to tear me down.
He did write his own agreement with me, going so far as to say if he ever did any of the things listed HE would leave me and the kids in order to let us “out”. But once in an episode he wouldn’t care that he wrote the agreement and, in turn, would say he never meant to write it…only did so to keep the peace at the time.
Wow, so many memories are flooding back as I type this.
When we seperated he immediately reconnected with a high school girlfriend, got her pregnant and married her. She left after just three years. He and I were together for 12 and have three kids.
The odd thing is that he convinced himself that I was the problem and that I have a mental illness, not him. He dragged me through a very costly (financally and emotionally) custody battle, tried to prove me unfit, attempted to take over the health care of one daughter battling cystic fibrosis and did everything possible to taunt me hoping to incite a reaction.
It was the hardest thing I ever survived but I did and he lost everything in court. He’s not even allowed to make a single decision regarding our daughters health! He thinks her won, though. It’s the oddest thing. He put the three young kids through hell with his nasty comments about me. All this was to put on the show of being strong and in charge. When he’s out of his “episode” the most he’ll say is that he did things he maybe shouldn’t have, but that’s months and months later.
When we were married his cycles were increasing and each time there was an untimatum given (get to the doctor or we’re done) he would go, be so relieved, get back on meds, and all would be good until the next time. Then the same cycle would repeat.
He had only a couple of friends from work and he met them after we split so they don’t know me other than what he tells them. That, and his parents, are his support system. His parents have denied his illness, despite their only other child being severelly bipolar. In the past he has admitted to his parents that he is bipolar. Now he says he’s not and they accept that! They do not stand up to it and back down at the slightest episode.
As I see it, he doesn’t *want* to have this disorder (who would?) and he been able to, so far, blame his actions on me. He claims that now he’s away from me he doesn’t have bipolar anymore. I am the only one who holds him accountable to this behavior so I have become the “dog he’s going to kick” when things unravel in life life.
I’m sick of being that dog. Help!
what do I do when his family supports his behavior?
He writes lengthy emails berating me and taunting me and saying the craziest things. He calls me screaming obsenities and saying horrible things about me. I just hang up and I don’t respond to emails anymore (in fact I blocked them).
Thanks for listening. Can anyone out here help me help him? I can’t afford to keep going through the courts to get him to follow through on court orders.
Lori
Dave,
I read over your message for today. Its funny my husband and I was talking about how my mother and his father are in complete denial of his disorder. His family blames me for his condition and that I am not pushing him to find a job. Financially my husband condition and me not putting my foot down on certain things, has put me in a stressful situation. I recently had to give up my house we lived in for 6 years. I have been trying to control my surroundings, but it is very stressful. I had to start taking blood pressure medication. I don’t totally blame my husband. I get the stress from negative family that I finally pushed away. I was at the point of just running away. I just needed a break from everyone. Taking care of someone with bipolar is no joke. It can be very stressful on a marriage, but with therapy, we are getting along. I was told by my husband therapist that he is not the same guy I married 16 years ago. I see that. He also had to realize I am not the same either. He has put me through a lot of pain and suffering. tryng to commit suicide, adultry, lies, clean out the bank account, quiting jobs, and applying for credit cards and don’t have a job. So yes, my husband has gone through those episodes. My husband worked in the medical field for over 10 as a Patient Representitive and a mobile Disc Jockey. Working the medical field became too stressful for him and now he is doing odd jobs and stil a mobile disc jockey.
I guess what bothers me is his famiy treating him like a baby when they around. They visit once a year for 4 days. They try to talk to him without me being around so they wait until I go out the door. I get back and my husband is upset and going through episodes. Why bother visiting. As for my mother well she thinks he is just pulling me down and a waste of time. I should send him to his parents home and let them take care of him. She’s funny. My kids hate when their father goes through his episodes or just sleeps all day. He talks to them. At times it helps. He said he needs to go a hospital. I hope he will go.
Hi Dave,
My daughter is 14 with many disorders. Including bipolar. I cant tell you how much your e mails have helped me. there is so many things in them that fit her to a T.
She has been and is now hospitalized. It is like they just cant get the right meds to help her. And I know I have as you say not stood up to bipolar. It is just eazier to do as your dad and give in. I am now seeing how that is really not helping her. She does at times give me a hard time about taking meds because she says she wants to be “normal”. And it makes a hard case for me to tell her the meds are to help her feel normal as she says, when infact the meds do not really do much for her.
They are telling me now ( the doctors) that she needs to be placed out of my home. I dont know how to feel. To me it seems that if the meds were right. why is a group home or a foster home any better then being home with her family. I am really confussed with it all.
I want her to be happy and live a good life. I just dont see how taking her from her home is going to be better.
Am I being ignorant about this?
Dave,
Thank you so much for all your great support and Info!! I feel so lucky to have fund you. Standing up to Bipolar is hard, especially a teenager with Bipolar!! You want to give in to make them happy, but it doesnt matter their happiness is short lived. Most of the time you kick yourself for giving in, and your teenager is mad at you for not standing up to them. Deal with the yelling, crying and fits. In the long run they will thank you, and still love you!!
I now know, from my short experience it is a lot easier to help keep the bipolar person out of trouble by caring and not backing down when it gets tough.
The other side I deal with is a bipolar person I support who did not get any help, because no one knew. Everything is gone and I am still trying to clean up the mess. It is so sad to see her sit and cry over what she has lost. All you can do is stress the future and let her know I will help her rebuild her future, however she must be aware and respect me and herself. The future is hers and I will be right beside her. With my short experience with this illness I feel lucky to support 2 people one at the beginning and one at the end and we can learn from each other it really helps. I don’t have a choice but stand up to it, I am in the middle.
Thanks Dave, I really enjoy all your information it has made my life easier…..
Hi dave, Im writing to say i know how it feels to live with bi-polar. I have two sisters, one bro-in-law and a sister in law . It is so hard and very frustrating to see them dealing with this disease. My sister and i took a class sponsored by the nami and it has really opened my eyes to what we have done wrong in dealing with the issue.
Dear Dave,
Thank you for standing up to bipolar. My family has no problem when I am in a manic cycle. Our problem is when I am in the depression, I get very depressed. I hate myself when I am like that and my husband of over 25 years wants me to snap out of it and not wallow in it. I always feel that there is a lot of bad in me (there isn’t) I want to bleed the bad out of me or kill myself. Either way I hurt myself. I dont injure anyone else. I just cant find anything to help me out of this frame of mind. I have searched the web, I have spent a week in the hospital, asked my Dr and therapist, still every 2 1/2 months or so I slide back into this mind set and it takes a month or so to get out of it. I am there now and just dont know what else to do. If you have any answers can you share them.
I didn’t stand up to bipolor several months ago and my daughter fell asleep driving our van and totaled it. She was on new medication and was positive it would be okay to drive. She felt fine, what she didn’t tell us is that she hadn’t slept 1 minute in the past 2 nights. She didn’t get hurt or hurt anyone else, but this could have been avoided if we would have stood up to her and said “no” not until we see how the new medication will affect you.
I am SO glad my boyfriend stood up to me when I was on a “spending spree!” I couldn’t see, through irrational thinking, that signing up, WITH MY CREDIT CARDS, for all the offers on my website “surveys” (i.e., “Free* trial; just pay s/h,” or “7-day Free* trial; membership/subscription will start at $101/month thereafter”) were beginning to “bankrupt” me…you see, I would sign up for the “Free* trial,” and NEVER cancel them – this led to an ENORMOUS drain on ALL my credit cards – I was owing something like $15,000 on them TOTAL. It came down to the wire that I had to take out a mortgage (on a condo I had bought WITH CASH) to at least pay them down to a reasonable level.
Unfortunately, I let them run UP again, and had to re-finance the original mortgage, getting me further and further in debt. I now pay $800/month + $251/month condo fee. I only MAKE $1300/month on Social Security Disability, and have groceries and meds to pay for! Can you see how RIDICULOUS it was for me to fall for this scheme??!! But, as I said above, I couldn’t SEE how I was TRAPPED into thinking I could earn “points” for signing up for these credit card SCHEMES, and my boyfriend COULD. After my last refinancing, I stopped ALL use of my credit cards for “Free* trials,” and am now not in the bind I was in before.
So – if you supporters can discern where your loved one’s behavior (such as spending freely on purchases they don’t need, sleeping around UNPROTECTED, believing in delusions of grandeur, etc.), then by ALL means – STAND UP TO THE BIPOLAR (not the person, so much, but the DISORDER/ILLNESS).
If I can bring up the destructive behavior of “young Hollywood,” most of these girls have NEVER been told, “NO,” in their entire, entertainment, lives. I have no supporters (aside from my boyfriend, but he lives an hour-and-a-half away, and I only see him on weekends) to stand up to me if I feel hypomanic and start exhibiting symptoms of mania. As long as I know he will support me when he’s with me, and identify those behaviors that are out of the ordinary and beyond my control, I can rest assured that hypermania WON’T turn into a manic episode. I have too much to live for to EVER go into a hospital again, or, for that matter, have a full-blown manic episode.
BIG HUGS to all bipolars, and the ones who love them. God loves you, and so do I.
Just a quick note to JOY: I think what people have been advising you about going to a “group home,” is really telling you to send her to an “outpatient facility” or even hospitalizing her for awhile. This way, her support team (psychiatrist, therapist, family doctor), can figure out and regulate the medications she should take, and how the side effects would affect her. This is NOT the same as putting her in a foster home, or “taking her away from you.”
I highly recommend that, even if you have to do it involuntarily, you admit her to a psychiatric facility to help her in her mental disorders, to lead a more productive life. She is still young enough that the right treatment plan CAN/WILL help her learn how to deal with her illnesses, and cope in a more “normal” way. I hope you do this, for your own peace of mind as well as hers.
God bless you
I cant tell anyone the hell that i have been through before becoming diagnosed at the age of 47 with BD 1,ADHD,Severe Manic Depression,Severe OCD.I never know when anything will happen.Good or bad.I have been through so many different meds that i just am tired.Day before yesterday i wanted to end all the confusion,spinning,spiraling,hatred,anger,all the dedt that i have put myself in.I stopped because i realized that there are two little girls that need me more than anything because i have custody of my two granddaughters and if anything happens to me they will go to the state.I hate me,my life.It took so long to figure out that i wasnt just imagining this stuff and that i truly am sick and now it seems nothing is helping me.I cant give up or give in but it would be so much better if i could get off this merry-go-round.
Hi Dave, I read your messages every day, I do not feel alone any more. I am getting very depressed dealing with my husband’s bipolar disorder, he will not admit that there is a problem, for three to four weeks he a dream husband, then all of a sudden he is screaming calling me the B word, telling me to get out of his house, that he hates me, I’m no good, all of this because I came to bed late after watching T.V. please help me I think I am losing my mind. When I tell people about his yelling, they reply “well, you know he works a lot, or he is just tired, or you are being too sensitive” when I learned about bipolar, I felt better because I knew somehting else was wrong. My husband is over six feet tall, what are the chances that his yelling will get physical? It has not yet, but I am getting scared because his episodes are becoming more frequent, he had two in the last two weeks, I want to have him commited because I have hypertension, and I have gained over 100lbs. this has started to affect my health, I need to medicate him as soon as possible, he works 72 hours per week for the last 30 years, we don’t need the money as I am a R.N., I have asked him to cut his hours to see if that helps, please give me some information. Thank You
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Many of these posts are filled with emotions that will run high whether you are bipolar or someone who is a supporter of bipolar. Emotions are neither right nor wrong, but do not solve the issues. The pain felt on both sides is very real…The HARDEST thing that I had to face as a supporter of someone with bipolar is to remove the emotion, keep it simple, and remember baby steps. You can only work on one thing at a time and even this will be dificult at first, but once you are through one item, you can move on to the next. Also I found that until “my behavior” changed my loved ones did not. Standing up to making the decision to change can happen with help,ie counseling and finding a support group. NAMI, The National Alliance of The Mentally Ill, offers support groups for both the person who has bipolar and the supporters. After living through 18 years of the roller coaster I can honestly say that it took lots of hard work on ” both” parts to being stable. The saying goes for those who suffer and those who support… “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a diferent result is the definition of insanity.” Education is vital for those who suffer snd those who support. I have been a member of NAMI for 5 years and because of what I learned and have put into practice I now facilitate family support groups. It is very rewarding to being able to give back. Once you put into practice what you are taught through getting educated you will learn to set boundaries. So the choice of change is about individaul choices. I do beleive we can “ALL” stand up and change, but the bottom line is getting the education on how to help us achive that…and then making the choice to follow through…otherwise your situation will not change. The choice is “YOURS”…
Hello Dave! I had just open a e-mail prior to opening this one with this awesome story. I had actually unsubsribed and just did not want to read anything else about this “THING” Bipolar. But when I read this story I immediately relized that I am just running again. That I was only experiencing a breather from not having to deal with an episode… I have had a ugly, horrible, and heart-breaking experience with this “THING”. I’m sure many others have also…..I just am in denial, denial, denial. I hate this “THING” this “THING” I wish that I recognized before it even came my way, this “THING” that has run rampant in my life for almost 18 years although I am divorced from my husband(my children’s father) because we still communicate with him I am still living out his episodes w/other women, hospital visits, issues with the law. Now, the horrible thought that it will continue even through my now 14 year old son who is begining to get counseling now and maybe even medication. I have a awful confession to make and that is …”I already have made this mistake……..1st, with my 41 year old ex-husband and now 2nd, my 14 year old son. I never wanted to except the educational understanding about this “THING” I just winged it the best way that I knew how and that was to keep my sanity by not making myself beleive that my ex-husband’s episodes were normal, and now I am a hurt individual and now the hurt is pain all over again because of the truth that I have to face with my son. I just do not want to fight anymore, I don’t want to pretend that the verbal and emotional abuse does not hurt like hell. I don’t want to deal with the time it takes to convince my son that he needs help and that the decisions he make in society, our community, school, and any peer-groups not only affect and effect him but all of us as a whole. His poor choices lead to breaking laws, ending friendships for himself and relationships for the family, which ultimatly digs a whole to deep to get out. Well, because of this article I do believe that no matter how much I may want a normal life I have got to educate myself and my son and fight for “Life” as normal as we can possibly get it from this “THING”!!!!
I second the person who suggested getting training or education around supporting those in a mental health crisis. Get crisis prevention/intervention training. Learn how set and keep boundaries so that bipolar disorder doesn’t run you over.
I think this is the number one thing that would help many of the people who post here asking for help. Set boundaries and keep them. Stand up to bipolar disorder.
Lie about money if you need to (my fiance spent all of his and would frequently ask me for some). Disengage by remaining physically present but don’t make eye contact. When the person in the episode sees you can’t be pushed around they will find other ways to engage with you.
Treatment plans, people. It can’t be said enough. If someone is on the right treatment plan then the likelihood of having to stand up to bipolar decreases exponentially.
People in episodes can and will stay awake longer than you, make sure you get your rest. Take care of yourself. It’s easier to stand up to bipolar if you are looking after your well-being. It’s like the instructions for oxygen masks when you’re on a plane: put yours on first, then anyone else’s. When supporting others you must look after yourself.
Being BP I totally understand what your saying when we do things that is not to the norm i gotten things that i don’t need and plus taken out loans and not paid them back. Boy don’t I wish I had someone to be supportive with me when I felt like making a stup[id mistake. You know sometimes you don’t know why you do it, just felt good at the time I guess. Sometimes I wish I had someone that would take the time to be there for me and support me when I felt like doing something stupid. I know this is the second time I’ve said that but you see I really mean it. I think your mother is fortunate to have someone like you to help stir her in the right direction.
Dave
Thank you thank you thank you!!! Just how you told the truth, when bipolar is not stood up to, then very bad things can happen. But we cannot let bipolar rule our lives. My family must not enable me and my disorder.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! Makes so much sense.
Ann
I am standing up to bi-polar disorder. I believe God put us together and am waiting for answers to my prayers..we have been divorced almost four years but I believe in the future (we are now 50) maybe at 60, 70 or 80 we can be reunited in marriage..This is what I am asking God for..and for my husband to get his right mind back…
I am bipolar. I was actually diagnosed with it the first time when i was in 3rd grade. Along with ADHD and depression. I’ve been through so much therapy in my lifetime. I’m only 18 (well, next month), and sometimes i do think that bipolar is just the worst thing ever. But honestly, I do know it’s not. What i think is worse is having other illnesses on TOP of it. I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago. I definitely wish that bipolar was the only thing i have to worry about. It has ruined plenty in my life already. But these other things make it so much harder. It’s so frustrating and sometimes i really just want to give up. What am i going to do when i decide i want to have a baby? I can’t be on these meds that i have FINALLY found to help control it. I don’t know if i will be able to make it through the pregnancy. It’s so scary to think about.
And then there’s the cancer. That is something that I really need to worry about. I have at least one of the genes in me that is linked to breast cancer. And Lung cancer is in my family’s blood. I remember learning a long time ago that cancer isn’t hereditary, but It’s obviously something that i really need to be aware of because I’ve already lost so many people to it. My mom’s father died of it in 2000. he was only 46. He also had 6 brothers. All of them but 1 died of lung cancer within 6 months of each other. It’s terrible. And the one brother that is left? Well, he has prostate cancer. He is in remission, though. Diabetes also is in my family, along with heart problems. Sometimes I think that i just can’t handle this illness, but then i think about all of the other things that could happen to me, and it just makes things worse. What i do know is that if i do ever end up with another illness.. a physical one, the fact that I am bipolar is just going to make everything so much more complicated. It’s scary. I shouldn’t be having to worry about these kinds of things at 18. But I have no other choice. No matter how i look at it, my life is doomed. I am already on SSI from my PTSD. I’m only 18 and I could write a whole series of books about the things i have been through in my life. I just don’t know how to handle it sometimes. But I do know that it’s getting a little easier. And part of the reason is because of these emails. They have helped me look at things in a different perspective and also help me to understand why things happen. I also have to worry about so much when it comes to money. And it’s not even from me spending and spending. I really just feel like if i had maybe 2000 dollars right now, i could get myself back on my feet and things could get easier. I feel like i’m just stuck in a hole.
I really want to thank you for being so caring. You do so much for people, and i can’t thank you enough. Sorry this email was so unorganized and choppy.
Hi Dave
the email that you wrote on Saturday was an very interesting, I know that you said that you would get some hate mail for posting the comments, but I can actually say that I am not one of them, what you described was me to a tee, but with all the information that I have read, I still am finding it hard to find a doctor that actually believes that there is anything wrong with me, because as soon as they know my age (40yrs) they automatically assume that it is hormonal, (you know the so called mid-life-crisis stage) but even though I say to them I have been like this for years none of them will commit by saying anything else. I would just like to thankyou for sending these emails, because of the information, both my husband and myself are trying to sort me out together, even though we cannot find a doctor to help, they just give prescriptions for depression, and virtually dismiss me,
well again thankyou
Penny
This is kind of for Penny. When I was going through the change,my bipolat got much worse. I had never known that I had bp, but ended up in the hospital and diagnosed. They put me on meds and it has taken time to find the right ones, but looking at the illness and back at my life has helped put things in perspective. I see the craziness and understand now why I was that way. I think sometimes how much better things could have been if I had been on meds, but thank God that I am now and that educating myself about bp has helped, too. It’s hard, but I do the things I need to do to stay balanced and call the Dr. if things start to change. Thanks for the info.
thank you for all the information. I have been dealing with a child with bipolar disorder since she was 10. she is now 21, with a little girl of her own. she is okay as long as she takes her medicine, but without it her episodes are horrible. because i love her so much i will continue to fight this with her. there are days when i am not sure i can but now i know there is great support out there for us both. Thank you so very much.
dear david, sweetie you dont have to exspain your self. i understand really i do. your sweet and kind and that what makes you speical. love paula
My biggest problem is getting past my wife’s DENIAL.
She reinforces this by attributing most of her BP symptoms to a religious epiphany – so questioning it make me almost heretical in her eyes.
Our MFT has noted that by not being stronger, I have almost become an “enabler”
Apart from the denial, my biggest problem is that we have two young daughters (8 & 11) in the house and they get caught in the crossfire when I do stand up to my wife and/or when she has the usual BP self-centered and/or inappropriate talk episodes – I guess I simply can’t shield them from everything but it’s hard to see them being exposed to things like that at such vulnerable ages.
Dear Mommerz,
I feel for you and am sorry that you are experiencing all this pain. I am also 43 and have had depression for 30 odd years.No so much mania, or maybe only hypomania. However, this is not about me. Just want to share some experience :
– when you are deep LOW in depression, there is not much to do. For some reason, one part of you is attacking and trying to destroy yourself, hence self -hatred,rage ,suicide thoughts.Thinking about whys and hows will not help , only lead to vicious circles. You can help yourself on a non-cerebral level : it is possible – and you know it – to ease yrself out of the Deep Low. Try switching the brain off, if only for short periods.Try Breathing exercises, gentle walks, if possible by rivier or sea ( looking at water changes brain patterns).Listen to soft gentle music.Try ( and this is hardest, I know) to like yourself and think of yourself as a nice person, even if only for 10 minutes a day.Get somebody to just stroke your hair and not talk.Massage your face,scalp,neck and shoulders.
Dear Mommerz,
Once you are out of the Deep Low, gradually do more exercise – yoga works well. Do not overdo it, just add on thing at a time.Find appropriate support group.If you like animals,try spend some time with them.
-You know your swings and cycles and you can recognize symptoms of another LOW approaching.Fight it,do not allow it to get you really Deep Low.Maybe you feel a little LESS low-even that is a victory.Use things that work for you-everbody is different, but you know you got allies.What works for me( this is comic, but so what) is strong coffee, hot and cold showers,long walks, company,humour.Try not to neglect food but dont use it as a sedative.Try to get good sleep – but dont beat yrself up if you cant.Try to switch off the inner critic that “tells” you you are bad,worthless,or whatever.Tell the inner critic that is just so much baloney. Pls don`t misunderstand-I`m not saying you should fall madly in love with yourself.Just tell one part of yrself which is temporarily set on “self-destruct”:- I am good enough,and I dont have to listen to somebody bring me down.Then go and have a good chat and a laugh with some friends. Good luck and Godspeed!
My problem does not concern “standing up ” to my disorder but to, I guess, denial. My first born has personally declared me dead because of an episode I had concerning him. He says that I fake it, use it and don’t even have the disorder. I have tried and tried to talk to him but he has totally blocked me and the rest of the family out of his life. I have dealt with this one problem for over a year and a half, being without my oldest. I have no solution to this, but wondered if anyone else’s family ever did this to them.
I am pretty stable at this time. But this is always in the back of my mind.
David, I read your emails and get lots of help from them. Have even taken copies to my therapist, which she says are good help.
i deal with Bi Polar and was just released ,well its been a year since I was in the program at the VA in west LA. I had a girlfriend that had DVD,cd write ups on Bi polar but last Fri I told her I felt dif, and I neede help. she gave no soport in words and just went to bed. the next night I was full blow manic and drinking, I ended up going to jail and now face court this fri . I just want to let people know that it is a fact you need a suport system , and one that truely is comitted to the system. Some words wisper, but its the actions that Thunder. Lodune