==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
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for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
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Hi,
How’s it going?
Hey yesterday people sure did get worked up
about my email about bipolar and lying.
Anyway, today I wanted to move on to
another topic.
Oh, before I get to that. I actually
was informed that someone did a study
that childhood experiences could alter
a person’s brain cells which might
go along with what people have been telling
me with bipolar disorder–they feel that
traumatic events in their childhood caused
their bipolar. I am looking into this all
so I will keep you posted.
Oh hey another thing. I am going to be
hiring a research assistant. If you are good
at research and want to w.ork from home,
keep your eyes peeled, I will be emailing
a website to go an visit to apply for
the job.
Okay on to today’s topic and this
very important lesson about bipolar
disorder.
First let me tell you how I discovered
the lesson.
I have had several businesses, and hired
lots of people that many would not hire.
Let me tell you what I mean.
I use to have a landscaping business a long
time ago. One of the first people I hired
was a kid that was thrown out of 8 to 10
schools and got into a lot of fights.
He applied to the job with me and I saw
inside of him a person who could be a great
worker.
I hired another person, who had many tattoos,
and was said to be very violent. He was in
constant trouble in school. He was friends
with the first person I hired. The first person
I hired told me he would be a hard worker and
a great asset. I interviewed him and everything
seemed good.
The first person went on to work for me for 4 years
and was a TREMENDOUS asset. The second person worked
for me for two years and then went into the military.
He did a great job as well (he did see a person
run over a dog and chase after the car and catch the
guy and make him wait for the police and threaten
him…he was a dog lover).
There were no other incidents. These people
were super hard workers that ALWAYS got
the job done.
People often asked me, “how did you control
them?” I always said I didn’t. I treated them
with respect and told them I was counting
on them and expected them to be great hard
workers. I gave them responsibility. They commented
to me that no one had ever treated them like I
treated them.
Now fast forward many years later. About 10 years
later, and I have an organization that helps people
cope and deal with bipolar disorder.
When I first started, I hired my mom. After
she was stable. Then one day I had a person
contact me. She said she was on my mailing
list and wanted to work for me. She said she
could be a big help to me.
She then told me that between the ages
of 16 and 45 she was diagnosed with:
Depression (also Situational Depression)
Chronic Major Depression (with suicide risk)
Dysthymic Disorder
Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder
Adult ADHD
Schizophrenia
Multiple Personality Disorder
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Psychosis NOS
Borderline Personality Disorder
Substance Abuse
Schizoaffective Disorder
Bipolar Disorder I (with and without Psychotic Features)
Bipolar Disorder II (with Suicidal Ideologies)
Bipolar Disorder – Mixed Type
Bipolar Disorder – Rapid Cycle
Bipolar Disorder – NOS – with Auditory & Visual Hallucinations
I heard that and said, “well that’s a lot…hmm”
She then went on to say she was stable and that
she had a plan just in case she got sick. She
asked to work on a trial.
I felt good about her. I had Pascale who works
with me interview her as well. Pascale said she
sounded good and recommended we do a
trial.
This person turned out to be a superstar
and a major help to me growing and expanding.
She has done a great job.
The one thing that I learned, was like in
the days of my landscaping business, I treated
her with respect, gave her responsibility
and didn’t think of her like others thought
of her–sick and mentally ill. I thought of her
as a person who could do very well and was a
success.
Then after her, I began hiring others
with bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia
and borderline personality disorder. I would
find them because the larger my list grew,
the more people I would find that had great
skills that were on my list.
I found that these people did an excellent job.
I did the same thing, I EXPECTED them to
do well and I did NOT treat them as mentally
ill.
All this got me to thinking about something.
How many people are not doing well with bipolar
disorder because the people around them treat
them as mentally ill, don’t respect them,
treat them almost child like, expect them to
have lots of problems and think they can’t be
a success?
Then I remember a study that I read. It was
called the Rosenthal study*.
To make a long story short, the researchers
took students and presented them to teachers.
They told teachers that some students were
bright and others were not.
Basically the students that were thought
to be bright did much better than the ones
that were said to not be bright or really
smart.
Wikipedia says:
“Rosenthal and Jacobson concluded that a
self-fulfilling prophecy was at work. The
teachers had subtly and unconsciously encouraged
the performance they expected to see. Not only did
they spend more time with these students, they were
also more enthusiastic about teaching them and
unintentionally showed more warmth to them than
to the other students.
The Pygmalion effect, Rosenthal effect, or more
commonly known as the “teacher-expectancy effect”
refers to situations in which students perform
better than other students simply because they
are expected to do so.”
With this said, I have concluded, not through
a study, but through personal experience and
interviewing many people, that a person
with bipolar disorder’s entire support system
can actually positively or negatively affect
a person’s path towards stability and success.
Some people think those that have bipolar disorder
will not be successful. People like my brother.
Other people, like myself, do not think this.
We think positive things about people with
bipolar disorder or other disorders and as a result
we kind of get what we expect.
I have found that the people with bipolar disorder
that work for me are very smart, creative and
are great problem solvers. I have given the most
difficult problems to the person I described above
and she has in almost every case come up with
a very simple workable solution when all others
that didn’t have a disorder couldn’t.
So I ask all those bipolar supporters out there, what
are you really expecting from your loved one?
Are you expecting success or are you expecting
them not to do well. If this is you, you can
really be hurting their chances of being successful.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I have tons of interviews with successful
people with bipolar disorder. Why? It’s
because I want to show that regular average
people can be successful with the disorder.
Too many times, bipolar disorder is characterized
with bad things. Meaning the news shows people
who do stupid or bad things. Even when Oprah
did a show on bipolar disorder, there was no
focus on success. It was like they had people
who didn’t do well and really weren’t overly
happy and kind of suggested bipolar disorder
is a hugely negative thing that’s going to
limit someone forever. Think about it.
Imagine if you saw a show where 5 to 10 people
were super successful, problem solvers, contributing
to society, taking care of themselves and fun
to be around? This is the way it should have been.
With my organization, I could EASILY show many
people who have bipolar disorder that do
really well–are are what is called high functioning.
The way I would have done a show was to
show the people that work for me and you would
be amazed. If you saw all the people who work
for me and what they do, you would have to concluded
you can be successful with bipolar disorder.
And it’s not just the people that work for me,
I have an entire new course not release yet
where I interview super successful people with
bipolar disorder. People that are doing great
things in society. There are many out there
you just don’t know about them.
The reason why I am so positive on people with
bipolar disorder is because I know tons of
successful people with the disorder. I know
success can be achieved. So if you work for me,
I expect you to be creative, smart, driven,
responsible and stable. As a result, I kind
of get what I expect.
When I think back to the people who worked for me
while I had a landscaping business, I realize that
by expecting them to do well, they did well. Many
times people in school and their friends expected
them to be violent or delinquent and that’s what
they were.
I must say, I am really proud to say that those
two people are very successful now. One of them
is one of the top health insurance brokers in
New York. The other is very successful as well.
Does this all make sense? So it’s important
to saturate your mind with stories of people
who have done with bipolar disorder so you start
to turn a negative mindset around whether you have
the disorder or don’t.
Not only stories but you most learn from those
who are successful. If you are a bipolar supporter
or have bipolar disorder and you don’t know anyone
who is successful to model, you really need to
get my course/system. I am not going to give you a
sales pitch but you should consider making the
investment.
It will be interesting to see any comments people
with bipolar disorder post on this topic. I also
would like to see if any supporters will admit
they use to think negatively and how that affected
a loved one with bipolar disorder.
Hopefully this all makes sense. I had to write
it kind of fast because I have a ton of things
to do today.
Anyway, I have to run. Off to the library.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
*Rosenthal, R., & Jacobson, L. 1968. Pygmalion in the classroom. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
You said it so well. I keep trying to tell my husband just what you said about our son, but I can never make him understand. I’m anxious for him to read what you wrote.
Thank you so much for this latest insight. I guess I didn’t realize how much less I expected from my son who is bi-polar. I have treated him like a person with a mental illness and not as a person who could make a good contribution to the world. He is a smart, kindhearted kid when he is not in one of his episodes. But because I have treated him like he will not be successful, maybe that is why he is not. I am going to change the way I look at him and expect more from him then I do now.
Thanks again.
Mechelle
I have a daughter with Bipolar and we have all tried to help her finacially as she has a young daughter…..but she is out socializing as if she did not have a care in the world…. What gives?? I was about to retire and now I am back to working full time. I cannot see that she is even looking for a job……any suggestions?
I’m a landlord and have a gentlemen renting from us going on two years this NOV. I don’t know if he is Bi-polar or not, but since I have join this site (and this is the reason I did) it seems more like that may be the situition. He has not talk to my wife or I in 6-months except for coming out one day while I was working in the yard and yelling at me for calling his mother, his employer and being in his apartment, (all which are untrue). We are in the process of evicting him and already had a hearing before the district justice where this gentlemen accuse us of having listening devices in his apartment, to entering his apartment without letting him know 24-hours ahead, he even said that we fix his stove with parts that we knew were going to fail so that we had reason to get back in his apartment again. He also said that we have a remote switch to the smoke alarm and theirfore make it go off when we feel like it. The reason he moved to our apartment was because he thought people were entering his apartment where he was living(and I knew this). Their is more to this story, but my question is this and I have ask people in our County Mental Health Department How can you help someone that you don’t know what the problem is and a person that wants to be just left alone? One more thing their are several elderly people in our neigborhood and are fearful of him because he won’t even say hi to them when they are face to face to him
I have to say that I have been on both sides. I have been positive and I have been negative. Staying positive makes you feel heroic inside and a sense of being worthy. Lots of time, we forget to commend someone with a mental issue how well they are handling themselves. I have seen these people be some of the most creative thinkers and do wonderful work with their hands. Keeping them/us focused on the task is hard and needs to be recognized by someone in their outside world. I also have to admit that there has been times of great disappointed where I have thrown my hands up in the air and run awy to forget the current problems. Then somewhere/somehow you find the strength to fight the demon again. I have llved the world with what I call the demon, and I have learned that I never ever want to go back there again nor do I wish for anyone else to be there. If so, I would be right there to talk to them because it is not fun. We all have everyday battles, but think of someone who has such great failure and has conquered them!!!!!
Having a bipolar family can teach a ‘normal’ child some bad communication habits: and that can be corrected if the youngster wants to correct it. It does take some insight and learning on the part of the child.
The Bipolar person can also control his/her outbursts to an extent if he is motivated strongly to do so. I know. This is not all the answers, to be sure.
Yes, traumatic experience alter permanently people’s lives and brains, and it can also be retrained more positively from where it has been damaged.
Linda
Anyone and everyone reading this who has bipolar should look up the list of celebrities who have it. Some of the greatest and most creative minds past and present are listed there. I think, like me, you’ll be more than pleasantly surprised to find you’re in extremely good company. xAnge
Retired RESEARCHER. Looking forward to your application online
Retired RESEARCHER. Looking forward to online app.
I agree, if we are supporting a loved one who is BiPolar it is extremely important to let them know you have faith in them as a person, as well as a contributing member of society. I have been supporting a friend for the past 16 months who has BiPolar Type 2 Rapid Cycle, who I have come to care for very much. He is a great person, and holds down a good job. He has come to trust me enough to share what he is feeling when he is in a mania, which we hope will help me to understand, as much as someone who does not have the disorder can, what he has to deal with on a daily bases. I see gaining this trust as an honor, and it can only make the relationship stronger.
I’d be very interested in applying for that research assistant position you spoke of. I’m sure it would help me in the research I have been doing for the last 16 months, and help others who support, as well as those with this disorder.
Thanks,
Bobbie
I wish I had this website some time back, I’m finding all sorts of help …see my blog for my sounding off. Perhaps some of you could give me some suggestions. Thanks Dave for giving of yourself.
Today I read about Bipolar and success. I was happy to see that some with bipolar have great lives, but for those of us that are dealing with bipolar family or close friends that are not getting healthy, it is important to hear the horror stories too. To me it validates what I am going through. If all I heard was positive thoughts about bipolar people, I would think that I was crazy myself for not having that type of life with my James. Many of us also have people with multiple diagnoses, bipolar, depression, adhd, drug abuse. That leads me to a question. How many bi[polar drug abusers are there. I know quite a few dealing with my bipolar family member, who is also trying to become a recovering adddict. I also wonder how the meds that clinics put addicts on affect bipolar itself. Such as Methadone, or for ADHD the use of say ADDERALL. I also have tried the positive approach and come back to a job that was either not started or half done, or done poorly, over and over again. Positive approach is good to try but may only work on a portion of the bipolar population or may work depending on the severity of the bipolar in each person. Does any of what I just said ring a bell with anyone else? David
We have a bipolar daughter and 3 years ago she stopped taking her medication. She started doing opiates and now is on methadone to get off the opiates. The “counselors” there tell her the methadone will control her bipolar disorder. Of course it does not. Then another “psycharist” put her on another drug for anxiety disorder. She took this and was out of the month supply in 2 weeks. It did not help. The government is paying for her methadone treatments using her medicaid which I think is preposterous. Pay for detox and bipolar meds but don’t pay for a drug that creates more crisis in a bipolar’s life. What she needs is a detox treatment and back on bipolar medication, not a 45 minute DAILY drive (one way) to take her 150 mg of methadone. Since she is in her thirties, we cannot do anything to help but encourage her to detox and get real help. However I want to add that since she went off her meds, she LIES like a rug. She is manipulative and acts like a 5 year old if she does not get her way. She will call and say her car broke down on the freeway and a nice man helped her get it to a gas station but we need to come get her ASAP as she is in a “scary” part of town. We don’t even listen anymore. It is all lies to get us to put gas in her car. She will tell us she has nothing in her house to feed her daughter. We will put together a food basket and take it over only to find out she wants 20 dollars too. Her panty was full! David is correct, the lying is non-stop. My daughter could be a productive and truthful person. However, she cannot or will not take the steps to get to a treatment center and detox and get back on a medicene that will help her. The impact on the family and her daughter is severe. The conversation of this daughter is 89% lying and one day she will tell the truth and we will not believe her. We love her but her choices are making it difficult to help her.
I am a person who is in need of a bit of help. I swear that I have Bi-polar but have yet to find a relative, friend, or even a doctor who agrees with me. I have been suffering for over 16 years, trying tons of medicines that have not worked. I just want to be truly happy and for my boys not to see my angry side of me anymore. Could anyone give me any ideas??
Dave,
I want to thank you for addressing a tough subject and sharing the truth. I believe this information can be life changing to many people. I was in a marriage for 12 years and my exhusband is said to have bipolar. My son is severe ADHD and has anxiety and I am concerned for him as well. My fiance’ has just started medication recently for depression and mood swings and he is doing well. I was diagnosed as a teen with Agoraphobia, GAD and Panic disorder. People who know me would not know unless they are told or they experience a panic attack. I am doing very well. I would love to help if I can.
I seem to attract people with disorders…I have several close friends with one thing or another. My area of study has been Biblical Counceling. I too want to help.
Take care,
Charissa
::: sitting down next to mechelle :: Thank you Dave for your thoughts and insights. I’m embarrassed to say I have treated my daughter like a person who’s incapable of doing much of anything. Well I had realized this, but was angry she didn’t just be an adult and DO things. Hadn’t crossed my mind that MY attitude and low expectations were a big part of the equation.
She’s a hard worker, capable of doing so much, but she’s done things that have closed some doors.. there’s also a whole lotta doors still open. But because i have treated her like she couldn’t be successful RIGHT NOW when she’s so unstable.. the focus is all on being unstable.
I’m going to change the way I look at her and focus on her strengths, on what she’s doing that she hasn’t been doing. Like last night, she actually got in the car, drove a couple miles to get a pizza. Usually she moans and groans that she doesn’t want to be seen (picture a young Cindy Crawford with messy hair.. ya know she really can’t look bad if she tries to) and I give in to the kicked puppy look even tho i’m tired cause i’ve been doing it all.
Last night, I said, “Sus, i’m not going out, i’ve done a, b, c and I’m tired.. i can get by with soup, so if you want it, you’re going to have to get up and go get it”.
And ya know, her whole attitude was different when she got back. Then a fella called, someone she recently ran into that she knew 12 years ago in hs. I’ve been really negative about that too.. this time I said, “He’s different, isn’t he. He treats you well.” She smiled shyly, said she’d told him about being bipolar and that he NEVER calls girls, but “Mom, he called me !!!”
Oh lordy, please let this finally be the beginning of a new phase.
At any rate, truly can’t thank you enough Dave… my new mantra is “notice the positive”; “stop stressing the negative”.
Hi Dave,
Just to let u know u have been doing a wonderful job with sharing knowledge about bipolar. My mother was diagnosed in 1970, she has not been on steady medication, so at times it is pure turmoil. I have learned like u did, that the lovely insults are not directed to us. Though it is hard to believe that when you are in midst of a not so lovely conversation.Keep doing what you are doing, I am sure you have helped MANY people. Have your self a great day!!!
Shel
I need to see some good, stable decisions for a LONG period of time from my husband before I can truly trust him. I have put my trust in him over and over again and been burned. I’m not able to just “see the good” in him–not yet anyway.
This is a sad result of the effect his untreated bipolar has had on me. Now he’s on meds and will hopefully stick with the regimen.
I have had it drilled into my head,”you are sick and therefore unable to function as a normal part of society”. Therefore I have no real expectations of success, and it is somewhat of a relief when I fail. I am the supervisor of a busy blood bank in Northern California, but in my mind, my days here are numbered. It won’t be too long until I screw things up enough to be terminated. That’s the way a lot of us feel about our existence because we have been told that we are non functional sooooo many times that itcomes true. In a way, I’ll be at peace when the roof finally falls in.We are also told that there is no happy ending…………so sad
Dave, I am a clilnical lab scientist with twenty years in the field. I am also bipolar 1.Any room in your organization for one more? I have many skills, and a good work ethic.What the heck, thought Id’ ask.
I have to admit that being a supporter of someone with bipolar is the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. But last week I saw one of the shows Oprah did – only because my bipolar partner saw it, could relate to the people who described their experiences so she taped the show for us to view together. Thanks to that show, she has accepted her bipolar diagnosis for the first time. We also heard that people with bipolar can have a happy, fulfilling life IF THEY TAKE THEIR MEDS and accept that there are certain things they have to do to manage their bipolar disorder. I believe it is a medical condition that must be treated just like any other. And I believe there’s a lot to what you are saying about respect and expectation. I’m ordering your program so we can both learn how to manage this successfully!
Dave,
I agree 100%, however let me tell you a little of my story.
While I don’t have bpd I do have a sight and hearing disability. Through the Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation in two states I have a BS in Special Education, an MA in Counseling, and a Postbaccalaureate Certificate in Gerontology.
I have put in many hours of volunteer work in a hospital and a senior center.
The counselors with the Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation invested in me because they believed I was employable but in spite of doing job interviews when jobs opened up that I qualified for, I have not been hired.
It seems like at the end of some interviews I was told well I wish you much luck but you don’t quite fit what we had in mind. You don’t have enough experience. (hmmm I wonder why if ya won’t hire me.)
Trust me when I was younger I was accused of being unrealistically overoptimistic. Due to legal blindness (I just can’t see well enough to drive) I would have to use public transport and the like to get around. There’s much more to this, but my point is sometimes having all the positive thinking in the world sometimes doesn’t help people become sucessful in achieving gainful employment.
As for the focus on good and or bad aspects of anything, one is best to show the good and the bad. I agree the media tends to show the negative disproportionately to the positive and successful, (it’s all about ratings and people tend to go for the negative) thus creating negative lables. That has hurt people with many kinds of disabilites not just mental illness, although people with mental illness probably have the most negative lables. That primarily comes from lack of understanding and just plain ignorance.
I have seen people’s performance based on other’s expectations in both directions. On the positive side, when you treat someone with the expection of success, that is what you get, and visa-versa.
It gets a litle confusing though when most of the people a person interacts with have low negative expectations and one maybe 2 have expections of success. I being one of the ones with expectations for success see a person doing things in accordance with the low expectaions and it’s confusing. I ask why are they doing such stupid stuff ? They are smarter than that.
Well that’s my 2 cents worth.
June
Yayyyy! Enable! Enable! Enable!I work in schools and I’ve seen this principle time and time again.
Dear Dave,
Thanks for sharing!
Having been one of those victims of the condition that you described in this email (where a student is expected to fail because of the opinion of one teacher), I will attest to the stigma that gets attached and actually will follow a person throuh life.
Being an overcomer takes courage, a strong character, and confidence in oneself. We all possess these qualities!
What we need to do is turn the situation around by looking at ourselves differently. Don’t wait for the world to change their view. Whether it happens or not is really dependent on how we relate to ourselves first, then others. Anyway, it’s not about “me”.
Years ago I heard someone say that if you look around and don’t see any cheerleaders, become your own… Good counsel, and it has served me well. If God smiles when He thinks of us, why shouldn’t we?
I really appreciated your email today. I have always felt in my heart that my bipolar was caused by the traumatic childhood events in my life. This really gave me a positive outlook when so many people almost make you feel that your life is over when you get diagnosed. My father has severe bipolar disorder as well. I would love to forward this email to him so that he knows that he still can have a bright and successful future.
Their success isn’t only about how we treat them, or how we make them feel. It is not only about us believing and trusting in them and respecting them.
Some people with (just like anything else) are proactive in their illness, and some are not. Some want to be independent while others do everything they can to remain dependent. Bipolar people are very intelligent people, they are not stupid. They are respected when they respect, they should be responsible like anyone else, they are successful when they choose to be successful. They should have self-control, if they don’t they need to learn to. If they need a medicine change, they should know this and take care of it. They need to make a plan when things get bad just like supporters need to when things get bad. They need support, they need love. Like we do. We supporters, generally, tend to try to fix everything. Fact is we cannot. Yes, I agree 100% we should be positive and not treat them like they are ill. We need to treat them as we would want anyone to treat us. However, we also need to make sure we are not codependent and that we understand the only thing we can fix is ourselves and not others. And if, we are treating them with respect and not treating them like they are incapable, and with positive support and love ~ then the only reason they are not successful is because they do not allow themselves to be. My husband is not successful, not because I haven’t helped him positively and lovingly and supported him. But, because he refuses to be proactive. He himself doesn’t treat himself with respect. He is an “I Can’t person”. I refuse to take responsibility for the position is has created. I will continue with positive reinforcement, support and love and maybe someday he will get it. Just a note I have a son with ADHD and a son with down syndrome and HE expects them to be responsible and successful and treats them that way ~ but for some reason it doesn’t seem to apply to him.
P.S. I have spent years and years researching, reading, developing plans and every doctor visit he has had. I have also made sure that all his medications have been taken and that every doctor knows ever thing about him. I am sorry I sound rough, however, sometimes I have to be to get him to get him to take care of himself because he can do it.
Dave,
How are you today? Im a mother with bipolar and I have a 14 year old son that has bipolar , anzity, adhd and asma. My daughter that is looking for a job to work at home she has some collage and is a very hard worker. Please send me the website where she can fill out the application. Thank you for all your help.
Betty Nichols
Dave,
My son that is 14 has bipolar, anzity, adhd, delexia and asma. We are having trouble getting him on the correct medication he has been on many he has had seen people that were not there on some of the meds he has been allergic to most of the meds or the meds has caused him to lost alot of weight. I dont know what to do I also have bipolar and its very hard for me to deal. I am on medications and I do feel that they help me. Its so hard to find the right meds for children! We are seeing a new doctor for him and already have had to stop one med and are wsiting for this Wednesday to try a different medication. Im scared to leave my son along. are there any programs out there that help to sit with children with these problems?I also homeschool my son due to the school systems not having the proper knowledge of children with mental disabilities. Not only did the children at the school he went to make fun of him the teachers also did.
I do definately agree with them being smart and successful they are hard workers when they want tot be and very intelligent wonderful people when they also choose to be the man I knew invented a tool deigned his own tattoos and very knowledgable on history and a wonderful cook but the isssue with him is he can’t stay on the medicine and always ends up having episodes and settling himself short which is the frusting part on my end and everyone else
I am bipolar and have been hospitalized too many times to count. I regulary see a doctor and theripist and have a good hold on my disese. This article really hit home. I had to retire early because of the disese and a few years ago my I.C.M. and I decided that a part time job would be good for me. Well I got a job through the net and all is done through the phone,mail,and net. so my employer does not know about the bipolar. I have done so well because of the way I am treated that I have not been hospitalised for over two years. I look forward to my job you see and when I get an episode I think of how much my job needs me and it seems to help me. Thanks again for the article.
I have to say that after I was first diagnosed with bipolar I was scared my husband on the other hand said just like everything else we will get thru this. He also encouraged me to follow my dream and I am now back in school to get my associates degree in child developement. Oh yeah and my theripist says that my bipolar stems from Post tramadic stress disorder. Very bad childhood leading even into my adult life gone unchecked lead to my bipolar just some food for thought. I am researching it now. I have to know if it is true or not. Thanks again for all your emails you’ve been a big help.
It’s hard to believe in someone when they don’t belive in themselves even when you give them opportunities to rise above the illness. Right now we’re stuck in the non-acceptance mode. I’m not ill so I don’t need meds. We can’t move ahead in any direction (school, work ect.) He said he’d be a homeless person. This is a 20 yr. old that is high functioning, an ex-runner, a person that took AP classes in high school, and can’t get it together enough to get out of the group home that he hates. I give him encouagement and ask what his goals are, but he doesn’t have any goals. High can I get him to function if he does not want to? Your comments are helpful, but we are not at that point yet. Thank you , Theresa
The info today was great!
I believe as you, respect and
expectations is all people need to
know we have confidence in them to
do the job. We all need that,mental
illness or not..
Thanks,Charly
When are you going to give us info
the sexual permiscuity? I am sure
we have others who need answers to
protect themselves.
Also,how about one on the alcoholism many have..
My friend,has both,and I’ve seen him flip from manic to depressive right in front of me..he is not
taking any meds…I wrote you about
his situation…anyway,both articles would be a big help.
Thanks,Charly
Just to say that I agree 100% with your comments and thank you so much for expressing them!
Sincerely TonyPaul
I just read your email on hiring people with bi-polar. I completely agree with you. If you treat anyone with respect and give them responsibilities and praise them for their achievments then they will be good employees and/or good students. I was diagnosed with bi polar 2 years ago, I am stable and I have found out that when I am having an off day the first comment from my boss is did you take your meds today or you are acting druged up today (meaning spacey). What people do not realize is that just like everyone else we too will have bad days with meds or not, of course without meds days are worse, but we can wake up on the wrong side of the bed just like them and have something weighing heavy on our minds just like them. After all we are human, just like them
THANK YOU for the compassionate and TRUTHFUL posting about our expectations. My husband is a caring, brilliant and successful person, dealing with both ADD and bipolarism. What you have said it true for ALL of us, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, or whatever! What we expect – of ourselves and of others – is powerful. Thank you.
THANK YOU for the compassionate and TRUTHFUL posting about our expectations. My husband is a caring, brilliant and successful person, dealing with both ADD and bipolarism. What you have said it true for ALL of us, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, or whatever! What we expect – of ourselves and of others – is powerful. Thank you.
THANK YOU for the compassionate and TRUTHFUL posting about our expectations. My husband is a caring, brilliant and successful person, dealing with both ADD and bipolarism. What you have said it true for ALL of us, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, or whatever! What we expect – of ourselves and of others – is powerful. Thank you.
THANK YOU for the compassionate and TRUTHFUL posting about our expectations. My husband is a caring, brilliant and successful person, dealing with both ADD and bipolarism. What you have said it true for ALL of us, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, or whatever! What we expect – of ourselves and of others – is powerful. Thank you.
David – I have filled out the applications you’ve had on your website for jobs with your organization – but never sent them in. The reason is that – right now, I feel I am a highly-functional bipolar – but – if I were “put under the gun,” and given a deadline, I COULD NOT guarantee that I would be able to perform to my highest ability. By keeping my expectations low, I maintain my illness “under the radar,” and am able to live a fairly “normal” life.
For example, when I had my first job at the University Department of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing (after being hospitalized 3 times for mania), I DID NOT tell the Department head about my illness. However, when I had to go to the Employment Department to fill out some forms, I saw a woman there who had been on the Psych Ward with me. That told me, I had better be straight with my boss!! I went to her and told her my history. Well, to my surprise, she told me she had taken some student nurses on the Psych Ward when I was THERE, and she remembered me. I asked her, “Why did you hire me?” She told me, “Because you’re the best one for the job!” She proceeded to give me faith in myself that I could do the work as the Department Secretary, and she taught me a lot about being honest. I kept getting high marks on merit raises, and left only because I wanted a job in the legal field. I worked for this woman for a year, giving her the best I knew how. And it paid off…
Considering the Rosenthal study – yes, it IS true that the expectations put on you CAN/WILL determine the job you will do. I have always had people around me who were objective and encouraging.
I have a high IQ, but I had to WORK in my studies. Ultimately, I became Senior Class President, but this was BEFORE my illness exhibited when I was 20.
With a strong support unit, almost ANY bipolar can/will do better than expected. Both the supporter and the bipolar have to BELIEVE in themselves, follow a treatment plan, and reach for the stars!!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar sufferers and the ones who love them. God loves you, and so do I.
coping with love one with bipolar and not judging her but still loving her all the same
David, You impress me immensely. ~Sher
It’s really strange that this is the subject today, because I was diagnosed as BiPolar at age 14,I’m 53 now. I have not had any help with it in years. My Dr. just kept refilling my Depakote, so I quit taking it. I am on some other meds for anxiety and sleep apnea. My daughter is engaged to a man she knew in high school (they are both 30 yrs. old) and he and his twin are BiPolar. He is also extremely obese. He has had trouble with his meds before and used it as and excuse for hitting her when they lived away from us. I wonder if he is going to do it again if they move out. My daughter has a 13 mth. old baby, and he has 2 children from an earlier marriage. My biggest problem with kids is, he yells at his kids whenever they come on their visits and will whip them with the belt for some of the most insane reasons. We’ve (my husband and I have both told him to try teaching them with love and understanding instead of fear. He says he thinks he’s a great father, and he doesn’t care what we think. Well he thought we were gone to the store, the baby started to cry because he’s teething and he yelled at him to shut up ’cause he wasn’t going anywhere? Like the baby knew what he was talking about! Well my husband heard him and told him not to talk to him that way. I’ve had a problem with my anger since I was very young. I can’t seem to control it at times and all it took was hearing my husband and I was mad! I can tear your heart out with words, and I did! After reading today message I’m feeling very bad about it, but he is wrong to always yelling and threatening children. Please help me figure out why I go to far with tearing him down? Should I apologise for tearing him down really bad? Or how do I tell him I’m sorry for half of it? I really attacked him as a man, as a spouse, and as a father, but I can’t really say I didn’t mean what I said except for calling him a scared little fat kid who needed his a__ kicked for being a punk. I told him he wasn’t even baby’s real dad and he knew it, he just after his baby’s Native Amer. land and my daughters money from the ‘Rez and her job. Now my daughter is mad at me and her dad, and I don’t know what to do, she’s my one and only child (she was my 12th pregnancy, and the only live birth) and I can’t loose her(especially not for him).
Hello David,
I do read your emails regukarly and see a lot of myself in some of the situations.
Currently I am going through a financial crisis and would appreciate any kind of work that you could offer. I am especially good at research work.
Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Regards,
Colin Massey
Good food for thought. It means I underestimated the ability of my friend to function normally in society. However, how can I maintain my trust when he is in an episode?
i honestly love your work.. i wasn’t expecting a person would initate like this.. i am a nursing student and it’s helping, really.. thank you so much..
i honestly love your work.. i wasn’t expecting a person would initate like this.. i am a nursing student and it’s helping, really.. thank you so much..
I am happy there is someone who is supporting the people with bipolar disorder,I to have bipolar and so dose my son and my daughter,I have learn to cope with my disorder due to years of counsling and someone beliving in me and not making me feel inadquit. I have been tested on my IQ thru the Texas relibilatation commission and they have showed that I have a very high IQ so I know Im not stupid, But you go to tell someone that you have this disorder and they all freek out on you like you where a treat to socity.But I have done alot of things in my life and have seen alot of places and have done pretty good with my disorder without the medications they want to give me. I have worked for our local police dept. I have been in construction for many years and I have been a manager for many different companys. I was even a chaffer and body gaurd for the ex vice president Al Goar’s Mother.And I have done well in my life without the medications. I belive in my self and others around me belive in me that is how I am getting past all the huba.I am also a mother of two bipolar childeren to that are now adults and are doing fine as well with this disorder. If you want you can contact me on how I got control of my disorder,And I will show you that there is hope for all of us who suffer with this. In fact did you know that over 80% of americans suffer with this disorder and don’t even know it? My husband and I have done alot of research on this disorder and learned other technics to deal with it other than taking the medications that they wanted to put me and my childeren on. Im not saying that everyone needs to stop taking there medications because this disorder can be very life threating for some people, But like you have done for some people in beliving in them and making them belive in them selfs really dose work. I just want to thank you for having such a support group and sight for people who suffer with this disorder that they can now belive in themselfs,and live a normal life.
Charly
If your friend is drinking on medications can be very bad for him.Some of the medications are for other illness like parkison deise and seizure medications they are mainly all brain medications that work on the bipolar disorder in some people. The bad thing about this disorder is that we try and self medicate with illeagel drugs and achole which can alter your moods anyways. Alot of people think this is better for them because of the side effects that the drugs the DR. want to put you on causes so many different side effects, He needs to let his DR. know that they are causeing bad side effects and maybe going to rehab or counsling sections for drinking will help make him stronger and learn to cope with his disorder.And another thing that people dont know about this is that eating right will help your mood swings, It may be a little higher to buy organic fruits and veggies but they have no cheimicals on the food and no preservtives. I think that alot of what we have grown acustom to eat in this world had alot to do with our chemicals not reaching our brains. Like take a person with high colestral problems the doctors will say you have to stop eating high fattey foods or you will have clogged arterys and have a heart attack. Well when you look at how much of our food we eat that has been prossesed with steriods,presevieds,pesticides and what ever else it gose through before you put it into your body what do you think that will cause to your bodys cheimistry? Maybe try talking to him in changing his diet and offering him support by going with him to DR. visits and maybe AA meetings if needed will help your friend.
And I want to appoligize to everyone about my spelling I know it is very bad. IT is one of my weekest point. I have a high IQ but for some odd reason I can spell worth a darn.
This is so true about how you treat you loved one. My husband has bipolar and I have noticed many times that around certian people who are not as supportive and dont belive in him he doesnt even try, but the people that do belive in all he can do he tries more often than not to succed. Also my son has it and it is the same. it seems like every other year he gets a teacher that belives in him and he excedes expectaions and then the next year gets a teacher that sees that he has bipolar and really does even try just writes him off and puts him in the back of the classroom and in turn his grades fall and behaivor becomes worse.
HIya David
Glad your settled. On many ocassions I have talked about my partner, (GP wont help, still)I going to write to them secretly and see if they can investigate when he next visits. However, I am so concerned about my 7y son. At 2y he developed a severe stammer out of the blue considering he was an advanced developer in speech.This suddenly stopped year later. Now I am dealing with a continuous liar, yet he is very emotional and cries very easily especially when caught. He has become very lazy lately and cannot focus on his work yet other days he is amazing and performs above the average child. He has been tested as a rare gifted child yet some days he cannot remember something he knows so well. I have elimated all e numbers which help. A psychiatrist saw him through the stammering and say he is a lovely normal boy. I just can’t get my head round this should I really see his GP and go back to his psychiatrists and have this investigated. I am so worried and he seems depressed on some days, sly and cunning other days and bonny and beautiful others but it changes in a matter of hours or minutes, so bizarre.
After many months of individual and group therapy, as well as modifications to drug therapy, a dear friend and collegue of mine has returned home and to her job (we work together). She chose to return to her home and job against the better judgement of her doctor, who wanted her to make a fresh start in a new location.
She is a beautiful, kind, extremely intelligent woman who has virtually lost everything due to her illness. If this weren’t heartbreaking enough, many in her family and most of our mutual friends have chosen to believe that her behavior prior to hospitalization was nothing more than selfish behavior due to a midlife crisis. Just as you have said, they “will simply never understand.” That is NOT OK with me. Even though there is a history of mental illness in her family, most of her family and friends (MY FRIENDS!) don’t understand that this is something she couldn’t control. Somehow, I recognized her despair long before anyone realized she was having serious problems. I could see it in her eyes. But no-one listened to me. Our friends kept saying “Oh, she’s just having another meltdown. She’ll be OK.” I’ve decided to make it my mission to gather as much information I can find, to do all I can to educate non-believers (starting with my own friends) that being Bi-Polar is a real illness, and not just a “phase” or a mid-life crisis. My friend, and obviously many like her, should have the understanding and support they deserve – and so desperately need.
I am a school teacher, close to retirement. I have no idea whether I meet the requirements to do the kind of research you need help with, but you won’t find a more enthusiastic applicant.
Valari
It is so true that we often treat them like they’re not capable of handleing things on their own. I am guilty of that and recently my daughter that is in college reminded me that just because she’s bipolar does not mean she’s stupid. She said it is when the people that love her the most can believe in her then she can believe in herself as well. She said she wants to be repected and treated like everyone else. I allow her to be her own person and she has learned to respect others and herself as well. One more thing, as I’m thinking back it’s been her unpredictable personality that got our attention even in a good way, it’s been her creativeness that helped her to shine, it has been
her spirit that we fell in love with. I know it is a struggle for both the bipolar person and their families but we must always find the positive, which provides us with strengh to fight the negative.
Thanks so much Dave, you hit the nail on the head! I once owned my own business, and I am Bi-polar! I was the sole owner and operator! I designed and sewed workout clothing for a weight lifting club, in the State of Oregon. I say the sky is the limit. If we can dream it, we can do it. All we need is loving support, and the med’s to keep us stable. God bless! Linda Silverio
I would also like to say that I support my dear father who is Bi-polar and finally on his medication. He is a brilliant man, and the father of 5 children, and has been married 54 years to my mother. The very last thing that a Bi-polar person needs or wants is for the family members to feel sorry for us that we suffer from this illness, as it is not as tragic as so many people make it sound, once we are successfully on our medication. The trick is finding a doctor who truly cares for the individual, and one who will take the time to actually expiriment with different med’s until he gets the right combination. One that won’t make you gain weight, or one that won’t take away your labido totally. One that will pick us up off the ground, so we don’t cry all the time but not too far, or we might get manic. Sheesh! It’s tricky and the Dr. has to really know their stuff, and it’s not one size fits all. But Take heart all those of you who love us, that happen to suffer from this strange illness. There is help and I will tell you that I have been on something for almost 10 years that has worked like a dream as a mood stablizer, that is worth talking to your doctor about if you or your loved one is at the end of their rope, like I was in 1999. Dr. Joseph Burkett, of Ft. Worth, TX. put me on Topamax. I’m not ashamed to tell you that I am 50 years old, and I take 100 mgs. in the a.m. and 100 mgs. in the p.m. Besides that I take an antidepressant called cymbalta 60 mgs. a.m. and 60 mgs. p.m. No two people are the same so the same things don’t always work. But since 1999 my quality of life is so much better. Before that, when I was not on my med’s I could not even force myself to pick up a fork to feed myself!!! Unless my boyfriend sat there and said eat Linda I could not and would not do it! I lost weight from 175 to 125 and I am 5’7″. I looked so skinny and sad. I would walk the streets at night and I did not know it was the illness that was the cause of my restlessness. I walked for 5 maybe 6 hours on the southside of Ft. Worth. Thank God for his protection! Help your loved ones by getting them to a doctor that cares, like Tony did for me. Now I have a life. He just kept talking to me in a loving way, not a condesending, hateful way. And above all else pray for the stubborn ones who are in denial that the Lord will change their mind if they will not go on med’s. And if you must the by all means, use tough love because I know this illness can and will destroy your life if left unchecked. I am bi-polar, but I refuse to be in a relationship with another bi-polar that will not take med’s!!! This is my favorite quote, and yes it is by me, and you have my permission to use it: “Life is too short to be unhappy” God Bless you all!
I would very much like to know how to get in contact with Angelinoneseyes in regards to getting off of the Psyciatric med’s. As I said if you read the things I wrote I have been on them for almost 10 years now and I have a range of chronic pain, including migraines that I believe are caused by them. My email address is linda_shamrock@yahoo.com please feel free to contact me, with this info.
Dave you were soooo right about the positive negative thing. I grew up in a very negative family. The kind of family that basicly pits kds down thinking their ‘challenging’ them to ‘prove me wrong’ I have been a mess since I hit puberty and at 30 years old am finally figuring out what is wrong. I thought I was just a failure, and God forbid I should tell my family I can’t help it, they have mental illness denial. When I as a kid the thought was ridiculuos now its just sad.
I have really good support these days thought my boyfriend is really positive and very proactive. He helps me keep track of my meds and even goes in the psychiiatrist’s office with me just in case i forget to tell him something.