Bipolar Supporter? Look for Deviation From the Norm

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

In one of my companies I had someone who is working for start doing some odd things.

Nothing major, really. He just simply wasn’t around to pick up the phone when I called. He was always busy on the other line.

As long as I knew this person, this was different than normal.

It deviated from the norm.

I asked him what was going on and he told me there were some things going on that he had to take care of but it would be handled by the end of the week.

Well, at first I didn’t think much about it. I mean, everyone once in awhile does things that might be a little different from usual.

Like at first, I thought it wasn’t a problem, because he was just kind of busy, which happens to people in business. And even though it deviated from the norm, I didn’t really worry about it.

But then he also wouldn’t take my calls, so that was then 2 things, again deviating from the norm.

Then he said he had things to handle, but assured me that they would be taken care of by the end of the week.

Well, guess what?

You’re right. They weren’t. Three strikes.

Definitely deviating from the norm.

I was talking to Michele about all of this and we were talking about how important it is to look for the deviation from the norm when you are a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

What’s that mean?

Well, you start to notice things your loved one may be doing that aren’t what they normally do (or don’t do things that they normally would do).

At first it might be something small, like that your loved one just isn’t hungry, or starts skipping meals.

And even though it’s deviating from the norm, you’re not concerned about it, because it’s just one thing.

Then you notice that they’re not sleeping much. Again, this is deviating from the norm. But you may not worry about it because, after all, it’s only 2 things, right?

Does this mean there is an episode coming? Not necessarily, but possibly.

I talk about the signs and symptoms of an episode in my courses/systems, and how you need to be prepared in advance for one:

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LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH
BIPOLAR DISORDER?
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/bipolarmastersystem/

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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

But then say your loved one starts talking a lot, and really fast. Now you’ve noticed 3 things deviating from the norm.

And if they start asking for money to go spend? You know they are REALLY deviating from the norm, and at this point, you’re probably thinking they may very well be going into a manic episode.

So, being a good supporter, you start watching your loved one closely for any more deviations from the norm, because these could be signs and symptoms of an oncoming episode.

And just by noticing these things closely and being aware of them, you could help your loved one to avoid that episode.

Many supporters don’t do that. They may not even realize that you always need to be on guard.

They may not even notice when their loved one is deviating from the norm.

They don’t notice the first symptom out of the ordinary.

But like I said, this may not be anything to worry about, so that could be ok.

But then they don’t notice the second symptom, either – another deviation from the norm.

And if they miss the third symptom – yet another deviation from the norm – their loved one could very well go into a bipolar episode, and the supporter just shakes their head wondering why.

You have to be vigilant.

You have to watch for any deviations from the norm.

Sometimes they don’t mean anything, but other times they can be signs of an episode coming on.

Has this ever happened to you?

What did you do?

Were you able to keep your loved one from going into an episode?

  1. No, I wasn’t able to keep my son from going into an episode, because I wasn’t vigilant enough. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday after telling me he was suicidal. He had been very depressed the past few weeks, and I did not know he had stopped taking his medication. (He does not live with me.) If I had perhaps pushed him harder or made sure he saw his counselor a week or two before, perhaps this episode could have been avoided. (This is his first hospital stay- the first one was voluntary and was a day program two years ago.) I just hope and pray he can get straightend out on his medicine, get some sleep, and perhaps get back in school before he loses the whole semester.
    Thank you – your emails are helpful and keep me constantly aware of the severity of this illness.

  2. NA Davie……
    If my loved one: Well lets call him that went in to an episode I would not have a clue we do,nt speak at the best of times so I would not no if his speech was getting any faster. I no his sleeping is out of charicter but thats just him. What is normal any way. We all have somethink wrong with us not everybody is perfect.
    Take Care Linda x

  3. My daughter is bi-polar and I am finding it very hard to help her. She is 26 with two children. y Mother takes care of her kids most of the time. She did get her own apartment but doesn’t hold a job more than 2-3 days. Now her electric is turned off and she owes so much to everybody she is digging a very deep hole and no one can afford to keep bailing her out. I am so afraid she will go to jail soon do to owing probation weekly. Mom paid it last week but she owes her over 400$ and she is sick of it. I dont know hwo to help her any more.
    Any hints would help. It is so hard when they are over age to get them help. If they don’t want it they have to hit bottom I guess in order to get it.
    Thanks,
    Shells mom

  4. Hi
    You just told about small daviations from normal. That is just what happened to my hisband . At first he didnt eat properly, second he started to plan unmanageble things alone, 3. he started to talk only about cars nothing ells and without breiks 24/7 only 4 hour sleep – all this in 2 weeks.
    We have a deal that whenI notice this, hopefully in time , I tell him to go to the doctor. He went there the next day 3 days ago and got psycosis medicin.
    Every time he becoms this other person and I loose him for a while . Now its only to wait for the medicin to work and go to AA meetings and pray for understanding and patience. It is so hard and I love him but still I feel so left alone. I live in Finland where we dont dicuss things like this. Ive red your letter daily and got the ideas from yoour support. we both attend AA meetings and that has saved our life too but Bipolar disorder was something I notised first after he had sober up. Your letters and storys has opend my eyes and now I know what to do when a Manic eppisode is on its way. BIG THANK YOU. yours Susanne

  5. Dave, I don’t have a support, I only have me and I am bipolar. I lost my job last week because I just couldn’t handle all the things of bipolar and working, I have been doing it for years, with it gradually getting worse every day. Last week was it, I couldn’t do it.
    BUt my question is, if I notice these things, I usually don’t, but if I do, what do I do to stop them. Any advice would be good.

    Paige

  6. First how is your friend? My son did the same thing, all the same steps, just bofore he commited suicide. Please tell me your friend is o.k. because I wouldn’t the missed signs and the same thing happens to him.

    Karen

  7. This is good, but exactly what can you do to keep your loved one from going into a manic episode?

  8. I totally agree.
    I myself have Bipolar and my family members are too afraid of my mood swings so even though we live in the same house they dont notice much. My Boyfriend on the other hand, will talk to me and notice even the slightest mood change, and will support me through my worst times.
    As for me. I try to keep track of my own moods, activities, and food intake. I try to take notice of my mood swings and how they originated, and what they caused. By doing so I found out that any small external factor could lead to a full blown mania or depressive episode, if we dont pin point the cause.
    I think by just keeping a small mood diary can help keep moods in control. By using numbers such as -5 for very depressed to +5 to very happy, and 0 being normal… people with bipolars can keep track of their own mood swings, just as easy as taking their meds.
    But then if you can’t remember to take your meds… then… try harder. WE CAN GET BETTER!

  9. there so much information to be gleaned from your emails and the supporters blog
    Thank you David
    Regards
    Shona

  10. Everything written today is exactly what is going on. My husband will not get out bed. He has stopped eating breakfast. He sleeps or pretends to be asleep all day.
    The medicine has just about stopped. He says he doesn’t need it. I walk on egg shells all day. Anything I do,
    talking, walking anything and everything is wrong. I’m always wrong no matter what.

  11. To PAIGE: Usually, even if you’re hypervigilant, there is NO way to stop a manic episode once it has taken hold. Of course, once you are aware that your loved one is “deviating from the norm” on more than one occaasion, you can ADVISE them to go to their doctor for evaluation. By this time, however, they are so “high,” they WON’T listen to you, or even acknowledge that there is anything wrong. Bipolar disosrder DOES sneak up on us when we least expect it, and once its taken hold, unless we are hospitalized to STOP the progression, there is very little can be done to put it in a “holding pattern.”

    I live alone, so have to be aware of my own mood shifts. I agree with the Mood Diary idea; however, I’m often too busy to keep one!! I CAN feel myself getting hypomanic; at which time, I enlist the help of both my therapist and psychiatrist to tweak my meds, or get me help some other way. Right now, I’m in DIRE financial straits, and it is causing me much distress and anxiety. Therefore, my shrink added Klonopin and extra Zyprexa. However, one of my major deviations is losing weight. I have lost 6 pounds in a month, even though I’m on 2 different strengths of Zyprexa!!

    Today, I lied to my Pain Specialist to get my Percocet, as I was running out, and didn’t have but 3 pills to last me until Wednesday next week. I also lied to the pharmacist so he would give me the refill early. NO – I am NOT proud of what I have done, but I NEED my opiate pain reliever (yes, I may be addicted), so, whatever it takes.

    So – now I have TWO deviations from the norm; does this mean I’m going into a hypomania? Right now, I don’t think so. But – it remains to be seen…I am currently in “mixed episodes,” sometimes upbeat, sometimes VERY low. The meds are supposed to handle that; but like I said above – once a bipolar survivor is on their way to a full-blown episode, there’s very little the Supporter themselves can do to stop it.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

  12. Being hyperviligent is absolutely EXHAUSTING!!! I have an 11-year-old daughter diagnosed 3 months ago with bipolar after 3 hospital visits in 5 weeks. We are celebrating 19 days of stability, after 7 months of hell. I am detailing every nuance in her moods, and every small change in routine, and noticing the large effects just a small change can have on her moods and behaviors.

  13. Thank you Suzanne, I was afraid no one would have any advice, i appreciate it.
    I also hope you are doing ok. I hope you anxiety has eased from your financial straits, I do however, understand. I lost my job last week, I talked to the car lot people today and a few others, they have all been wonderful though. The ones I have not talk to yet, I am sure will not be.
    My anxiety is up there too, but I just keep trying to tell myself there is not anything I cando right now. LOL. I am ok for a little bit, then it starts all over.
    Thanks again.

  14. This morning my 12 yr old great grandson (whom I adopted 8 yrs ago) went into an episode because his 13 yr old sister called him a freak (He is only 49 inches tall with red hair). I let him storm for awhile and then ordered himin front of me. I asked him for an apology(no answer) and the just opened my arms and hugged him for about 5-minutes. It worked and then he was back to his normal happy bubbling self. It doesn’t always work but soetimes, we all need a little love.

  15. i support my best friend barb and it isn’t always easy.below is a poem i wrote during a particularly difficult time. i am sure others have felt this way too. just don’t give up on your loved ones.

    Enough is Enough

    Things are not like they were before,
    Day to day living is more like a chore.
    Her kids say they hate her,
    Her husband’s sick from the stress
    Yet most of the time she couldn’t care less.

    One minute she needs me, since I’m her best friend;
    Next thing she says may cause that to end.
    She rants and she’s mean, self-centered and lazy;
    Then she wants pity, her memory quite hazy.

    She has a disease; I know this is fact,
    Yet sometimes it seems like it’s all an act.
    How do we deal with this Bi-Polar ride?
    Do we coddle her moods or lock her outside?

    For twenty one years I’ve stood by her side
    We’ve laughed and rejoiced and many times cried.
    Now I resent the pain she’s creating
    The love we once shared often feels more like hating.

    “The medicine will take time” to make things more normal.
    In the meantime, everything else is in turmoil.
    I don’t want to give up or just walk away,
    Yet I struggle to manage each frenzied day.

    The doctor’s not sure she’ll completely recoup
    These episodes can recur on some bi-polar loop.
    A true friend stands by you in good times and bad!
    My patience is slipping and I feel like a cad.
    My health is suffering, my family life rough,
    When do I say enough is enough?

    I hope it doesn’t come to the point of tough love.
    I’m not sure we’ll endure this, if push comes to shove.
    I guess I’ll stand by her and pray for the best.
    If there’s truly a God, he can take care of the rest.

  16. Thanks Linda… Don’t give up on me!! I may be all that you have stated above and more… however, I do love you like never before. You stand by me and put up with my shi- and never really even have time to bi–h. I love you!!! Barb xoxoxo

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