Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well.
I wanted to point out a post that I saw
here:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/?p=21#comment-59
Meg posted on my blog
“Arly, I am no expert at anything, but I know bi-polar from the inside. Get to a doctor, give this thing you feel a name. It’s earsier to get to know something (your enemy, best friend or self) if it has a name. Maybe you are bi-polar, maybe you have AADD, who knows.
Once you do, take it one day at a time. Find out what eats at you, what drives you to distraction, what calms you down, what brings you to a good level. There are signs in the turbulence, you seem to be a self-aware guy, so you know when you’re going up, coming down and how fast it goes. The trick here is to recognize it and have a strategy to get yourself under control. Maybe a strategy, medication, and a support system. But most important, you need to know what you are dealing with.”
———————————————————–
This was really insightful from Meg. The concept of knowing your enemy which is bipolar disorder.
The problem is, many people don’t know the enemy, don’t know how it operates, what can be expected and how to manage and defeat it.
This is how people get into trouble quickly – they don’t know who their enemy is. Some supporters think their enemy is their loved one, because they are the one who is acting out the symptoms of the disorder. But that’s a mistake.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I teach you that you need to separate your loved one from their disorder.
It may be hard to do, but one of things I talk about is to think about how they are when they’re in the “normal” state (that state between manic and depressed). Or think about who they really are – that person you really care about, or that person you fell in love with – NOT who they’re acting like when they’re in when they’re in an episode.
Remember at all times who the real enemy is – and it’s NOT your loved one. Your real enemy is bipolar disorder, and there IS a chance that that enemy can be defeated, if you do certain things.
One way to fight the disorder I’ve already talked about – separating your loved one from their disorder. Another is fighting it as a team, both you and your loved one fighting it together.
Another way is to learn all you can about the disorder. That’s why my courses are so important. They tell you everything you need to know information-wise about bipolar disorder and about being a good supporter to your loved one.
There are other ways to fight the disorder as well.
You need to know how it operates, and just like any other enemy, it waits and watches for when you are most vulnerable. Just when you think your loved one will not have another episode, that’s when they will, if you’re not vigilant. You also need to know what can be expected from your enemy, bipolar disorder, and how you can manage it and defeat it.
You can learn what can be expected from it by learning all the signs and symptoms of the disorder. And you can learn how to manage it. Yes, the disorder CAN be managed!
There is still no cure, but you can defeat it by managing it – help your loved one by being the best supporter you can, by making sure they take their medication, see a therapist, stick to their treatment plan, eat healthy, exercise, and sleep right. All these things.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Being one who lives with bi-polar disorder myself, I can attest to the fact that emotional support for the affilicted is a big factor in managing the disorder. I was on several medications for awhile when I had a severe episode which helped to bring me out of it. The recovery afterward is basically acheived by the one with the disorder his or herself. Awareness is the key. Some of your support group such as family or friends may think they are helping by pointing out certain moods, but ANYONE who is considered support needs to be aware of the fact that some moods are normal! Everyone gets angry, sad, blue, etc.. and those with the disorder have these emotions as well. One needs to understand the the difference.
Proper nutrition, exercise and sleep is crucial to managing the disorder along with medication when needed and an educated support group.
Your suggestion of separating your loved one from the “enemy” really hit home with me. My husband of 17 years has been exhibiting symptoms of bipolar for years. He refuses to seek help and our life has been at times a “living hell”. (He has 2 sisters that both have bipolar–therefore he refuses to admit that he has the same things wrong that they do!) Through the constant emotional rollercoaster that has been our life–I realized several years ago that when he has an episode and becomes enraged-destroys things-belittles me (and whomever else comes to mind at the time) it is not ME–I try not to take it personally. My husband is a wonderful, loving person when he is in his “normal state”. In order to keep MY sanity, self respect and self esteem, I always keep in mind that his actions are not my fault. I do not make excuses for his behavior, because HE is the one that chooses not to seek the medical help that he desparately needs–but I can understand what causes him to act out and do the things he does.
What if you meet someone who is in a bipolar manic state and you fall in love with them, because they are in such an “up” mood, so friendly, outgoing and enthusiastic that you can’t help yourself. Two weeks later you are pretty much a couple, then he “crashes” and admits he has bipolar disorder. Conundrum: Was the person you fell in love with not really that person? If so, who was it? What to do now? By the way, he loves you too.
Dear Dave,
I want to share this experience to some supporters like me. This might be of some help. My husband used to be a drug user/addict or whatever name you want to call it. Even before we get married he already showed signs but I do not know really what it was. I noticed that every medication he took would have an effect on him especially medicines with substance that made one sleepy. Since then I tried to limit his intake of medicine. He only took medication really if it is necessary. Lately, again he had his episode and I tried again to ignore waiting for it to passed since it was just mild and he said he can control it. However, when it gets worse we again went to his doctor and he was given medication. To my disappoinntment the medicine did not ease up the episode but he gets worse. So after a month I notice that the more he took his medicine the worse he gets. It seems also that he is getting addicted to the medicine. Out of my frustration I hid all the medicine and just allow him with out it and prayed hard and leave it to God what will happen. Know what? he gets better. It seems that to someone with stored drugs in his bloodstream too much medicine can also worsen the condition. I don’t advice it really but what I’m saying that sometimes experimenting might also somehow gets the result that we want. Before a matter of days with the medicine cured him. The doctor prescribe 10 days and we experience the longest episode ever.
Thank you, hope you supporter like me would have the same good result as I have. God Bless us all and please God give the biggest share of the blessings to our friend Dave.
Ellen
My partner and I are both bipolar (she was only diagnosed last year). As much as I try to support her, we end up fighting over her taking her medication. She’s not truthful with her doctor and I work full time and can never get to her appointment with her. Should I just call the doctor (she’s a veteran so her health services are provided by the VA) on my own and just let things fall where they may? Unfortunately, we live out in the country, away from support groups and the like. Any suggestions? It is hard enough keeping my bipolar in check without having to deal with my partner off her meds.
hi Dave,
i was wondering. i have bipolar disorder2 and i have alot of other issues that go along with it. i have a partner who also has bipolar disorder too. but she also have a few other major disorders along with the bp. i am a strong person. i am a determined person. i am a big kind hearted person. i love my partner with all my heart. there is nothing i would help her with. i take care of myself pretty well. i am alot more stable than i ever thought was even possible. but i wanted to ask you Dave, how does a survivor of bipolar help another survivor who happens to be your partner too. do you go about it differently? is there a special course on that? i am experienced in it but it would be nice to get some other ideas and feed back on that subject. it get very complicated but she is worth it and she loves me just as much as i love her. she may not be capable right now to get to the level of stability that i am at. but that doesnt matter. i just need some help in certain areas. i am farmilar with alot of the mental health system. i just wanted to find out what your opinion would be on that subject. or what you would suggest in this situation. it weird i am both a person that lives with the disorder herself and on the other hand i’ m a major support to my partner who also lives with these issues. sometimes i just feel like i am way out in left field when it comes to this.
well thanks~ God Bless , take care , Jean S. p.s. if any other s have any experience with this i would love to get some more input on the subject. thanks
I’m a bipolar supporter and my husband has just recently been diagnosed with bipolar, (2 months ago). We have been married for 15 years. Not long after we got married, he was diagnosed with diabetes (type 1) also there were behavours that weren’t quite right but put it down to tiredness or just bad moods related to diabetes
About 5 years ago, after reading an article in our local newspaper about bipolar, we decided that this was possibly what was wrong with him.
We went to our doctor with this information, but depression was what was diagnosed. Now 5 years on (hell 5 years for me), we finally got the diagnosis that we knew all along (same doctor) and she did appologise to me. So now on the right meds, regular sleep, healthy eating, things a will hopefully get better for us.
It has been a really hard road for me, and anyone who lives with someone with bipolar already knows how hard it is. To complicate our situation my husband also is a binge drinker. Doesn’t drink very often but when he does he doesn’t know when to stop. That mixed with diabetes, drugs for the bipolar are just a coctail for not a nice person.
This website has been great for me, and I don’t feel so alone, but I am struggling to deal with this person in my life that has so many problems, yes he is trying to get better and I love him for that, but it is a daily ordeals that I have to bare and it will be this way for probably the rest of my life. Thats what is hard to come to terms with – because it will always be rocky and hard at times. I have a partner I have to be strong for all the time and sometimes I’m not always strong – he can’t be that for me.
Anyway thank you David for all the information and your bright and happy emails to give us all some hope.
Best of luck to you all.
Boy Dave,
Knowing your enemy. I am a survivor, as I guess you can tell, but I also am a supporter. The past few days I have been pretty manic, trying to decide whether or not to sell a gas guzzling Muscle Car in favor of buying a Motorcycle. Seems like an easy enough decision, but I have sentimental value in the car since I am the one who restored it. I can’t get anywhere near what I put into it back out of it in sale value, but the motorcycle cost 1/4th as much to operate.
So anyway, I am going nuts over here trying to figure out what to do and making myself have a head ache. I finally said to my self “Self, why do we have to have the motorcycle, “NOW”?” And was able to realize that I was working myself up. I was really headed toward an episode when I asked myself this, but then, calmed myself back down. I know that when I feel that I absolutely positively must have some thing right now, that it is the bipolar talking and not my better judgement. There is no reason I have to decide right now!!! So I “snapped out of it” as they say, and calmed down. I am still undecided, and don’t know what to do, but I don’t feel the pressure I felt that I had to decide today.
Knowing that when I feel I “absolutely positively must have it now” it is a sure sign of being manic. I backed off the decision making process and took a break. Knowing my enemy when it strikes is a big help! One trick I learned is to “PUT THINGS OFF!” when I feel suicidal, tell myself to “Wait till tomorrow to see if I still feel that way”, or if I feel “I have to have that motorcycle TODAY” PUT IT OFF and wait till tomorrow to see if I still feel the same way. Usually because I am a rapid cycler, these feelings don’t last and this is what works for me.
Great Lesson for Today!
Bob
Dave,
Did you have any one to go to when your Mom had her manic episodes? My daughter has three little boys, she seems to be cyclining real often, she won’t admit that she has a problem. She wants me to keep them most of the time and even when she has them she doesn’t take care of them properly. She drinks and I am so afraid for the boys safety. Her husband is aware of her bipolar but is afraid to confront her, so he goes off and smokes pot.
The boys are 9,7, and 22 months.
What am I to do?
When I try and talk to her she says I’m the one with the problem, so how do I help. And should I try and get the boys until she will get some help?
Thanks
Bob, you hit the nail on the head. This is exactly it. I am trying to work myself out of my considerable debt one month at a time – and one of the reasons was the motorcycle I had to have Right Now. Thanks for the “put it off” piece of advice, I am going to apply that conciously to my spending habit and see how it works out. I know it works for personal matters such as confrontations, but it also recently cost me a friendship as i put it off too long. Always two sides, isn’t there? Have a good one !
meg
Hey there
I have a question but I already know the answer I’m just looking for confirmation. So here it is: I’m turning 20 and have been diagnosed with bipolar 2(and other). I’m currently taking Wellbutrin,Lamicton and Depnil in the day and the same plus Camcolit at night. I HATE taking pills but I’m a very responsible person so I do it.
A couple of weeks ago I didn’t take the Lithium(Camcolit) because I get a bit of nausea (sometimes)from the lithium. My concentration haven’t been good, my relationships suffered BUT everyone told me I lost weight and I looked really good(which isn’t the result of dieting because I have been writing exams and when I stress or if I’m feeling down I eat a lot of chocolates and anything sweet I can find.)
I started taking it again but I’m REALLY worried that I’m going to put on weight again. I’m fairly shy and I don’t have the greatest self-esteem and I’m certain that it’s going to effect it negatively.
P.S. Thank you for your daily e-mails and that you address us by our names.
Love from South-Africa
Hi Dave and others. I am also a South African and was glad to see a fellow South African here on your blog. I have been married in total to my husband for 22 years – together for 27 years. I have suspected that he has bi-polar for many years. We divorced four years ago as he was an alcoholic and had numerous affairs and remarried a year later. He has stopped drinking for around 2 and a half years and life was so great! Financially we have been struggling as he lost his business shortly after we were divorced. I noticed the symptoms have been worsening as we go along. Our GP mentioned the bi-polar to him around two months ago and gave him lymictin tabs. He took the medication as and when he felt like it and there was some improvement. However, about three months ago he started being unfaithful to me again and moved in with his “girl friend” a month ago. He has also stopped taking his meds but still sees the psychiatrist for his appointments. I don’t think he has been truthful with the doc because he told me the doc said he has “depression” (whilst giving him a repeat prescription for the lymictin as well as an anti-depressant?). We are up to our eye balls in debt and I don’t know what to do anymore. I am interested in finding out the answers to the questions you advertise with your reports etc – how to help – what to do – what not to do, but with my financial position I cannot afford to buy them. Honestly, I am so fed up with this whole thing with my husband and really feel like throwing in the towel. Of course, I am public enemy number one most of the time because I “think he’s nuts”! Anyway, thankyou for the caring and regular emails every day. Much appreciated.
I am so in need of help. My daughter has recently been diagnosed with BP. She is doing very well. My problem is my husband. I am pretty sure he heas BP. I can not get anyone to help me. I have tried talking to his Drs.. No help. He has had several heart problems and has been on Disability for the past 10 years. He is so mean to me and to our oldest daughter. I am really tired of his abuse and I want to leave him and just be left alone. I need to know if he is BP. How can I get someone to talk to me and find out if he is suffering from BP or just plain out mean. He talks so ugly to me and to the girls. Everything that goes wrong in this house is always my fault. Can you Please help me?
Desperate.
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