Bipolar Disorder? What Message Would YOU Write?

Hi,

How’s it going?

Hope you are doing well.

I have a super busy today planned today.

I have to make this kind of quick. I don’t have much time to write before I take off for the gym.

I wanted to ask you a question.

Have you ever watched that movie “Message in a Bottle?” The title is based on the old stories of people who supposedly wrote messages on a piece of paper, put them in bottles, then threw them into the ocean, to wash up onto the shore years later for someone to find and read.

Well, I was thinking about that movie, and it made me wonder about what I would write on my piece of paper. I mean, it really makes you wonder, to go through this whole encyclopedia of thoughts you have, trying to narrow them down to just one single thought that would be the most important thing you would want someone to know who would find the message in the bottle someday.

One man was asked about it, and he said, “I would tell them to have fun, because I don’t think people do that enough in their lives, and by the time they realize that, it’s too late.” He said he thought people just take life too seriously.

Another person said what they would write would be, “Give yourself permission to dream.”

Yet another, “Experience is what youget when you don’t get what you wanted. And it can be the most valuable thing you have to offer.”

It sounds like fortune cookies, doesn’t it?

Think about it – what would YOU put on your message in a bottle?

Even with bipolar disorder staring you in the face, think about all the different things you could say on your little piece of paper – what one important thought would you want to pass on to someone who would find your message?

It kind of puts things in perspective, making the bipolar disorder not seem as big a problem (now, I’m not making light of bipolar disorder, so don’t send me any hate mail!).

The thing is, we all have something to pass on. You may have bipolar disorder, or are a supporter of a loved one who has it, but that doesn’t mean your life stops there. You are a person totally outside of the disorder. And you have a whole lot to give to the world outside of the disorder. At least you should.

If your life is totally about the disorder, that is wrong.

That’s why I teach in my courses/systems that supporters should have outside activities as well as being a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You should have something of a social life. You should have friends and family outside of your bipolar support group. You should have outside interests besides bipolar disorder.

Your loved one should not be isolating (that’s a trigger to a bipolar episode). They should not be sleeping most of the day away (another trigger to a bipolar episode).

If they’re following a good treatment plan, then you should be living a relatively normal life, not looking for an episode around every corner, staying at home all the time because you’re afraid to make plans because they “might” have an episode. Come out of the dark – there’s a whole world out there for you to experience!

And you should have friends outside of your loved one. You have to have some outside activities that do not

include your loved one. Hobbies, support group, outside interests – even if you only go by yourself to the movies once in awhile, or shopping… if you don’t, if all you do is be a caregiver to your loved one 24/7, you will burn out.

You can’t be a good supporter if you don’t take care of yourself first – if you don’t meet your own needs. And some of those needs are to spend some time away from your loved one.

In thinking about what you would put on that message in the bottle, think about the things that are really important to you. I know being a supporter is important to you, and takes up a lot of your time. But some supporters just kind of fell into the role, because there wasn’t anyone else to do it, and they might even resent that – so it isn’t a very positive thing for them. Not that it’s any less important, but they might not feel appreciated. That’s why outside activities are that much more important – they need to get their self-esteem elsewhere.

What you do and who you are go into what matters to you most. Those are the things that will help you determine what you would put on your message in the bottle.

So who are you? Have you thought about that lately? I mean, who are you besides just a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder?

You must have your own likes and dislikes, your own interests, your own talents and gifts… are you doing/using them? Or have you forsaken them for your loved one? Have you stopped playing the piano? Have you stopped reading, writing, keeping a garden, practicing yoga, going to church, going to the gym, meeting girlfriends for lunch? You need to do those things that made you happy, those things that made you who you are.

You cannot let bipolar disorder determine who you are. Just because you do those things does NOT make you a bad supporter! In fact, it works just the opposite – the better you feel about yourself, the better a supporter you will be.

So, what would YOU write on your message in a bottle?

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  1. My message in a bottle would say: Believe in yourself and always open your heart to love. These two things will help you throughout your life if you just believe them!

  2. I would leave a message to the world that they should always treat others as they wish to be treated. To love those arround them without judging and never put others down . When we put others down arround us we can destroy them and who they become especially children. Also not to stare at others who are different and who has challenges to face in this world such as special needs children. Ive got two grandchildren that are speical needs and folks are down right rude with the staring and such. The world needs more folks in it to be caring and understanding not enough of that going arround now days.

  3. Wed. a.m.
    Dear David,
    Wow, do I know what you mean! I am 76 years old and had a heart attack last June. As you know, I am a supporter of a bipolar son, and I have tried very hard to do all the things you suggest. I work fulltime, belong to a book club, have many friends, and this year I bought a piano (I haven’t played in over 25 years). I also write poetry and last summer I wrote a book. I think my son is better for my having my own life, and I am certain that I am! Thank you for all of your e-mails. They are an inspiration–
    Sincerely
    Nancy Viens

  4. when you look at: a person, flower, or mountion (anything). Look deeply embrace the whole look beneath, see, hear, smell, there is more there then most realise.

  5. If you want to live a good and fruitful life, then ask your higher power to
    come into your life. Once you notice a good feeing of change, you will know that he is working with you in order for you to change and become a better person. All that your higher power (Jesus) wants is for us to have a good heart and a good character in life. He will give you all the love that you deserve and more.
    Plaese turn your life will over to your higher power, Only then will you live
    Eternally, forever, with his family, in heaven.
    P.S. Keep learning!

  6. If you want to live a good and fruitful life, then ask your higher power to come into your life. Once you notice a good feeing of change, you willknow that he is working with you in order for you to change and become a better person. All that your higher power (Jesus) wants is for us to have a good heart and a good character in life. He will give you all the love that you deserve and more.
    Plaese turn your life will over to your higher power, Only then will you live
    Eternally, forever, with his family, in heaven.
    P.S. Keep learning!

  7. First, I learned a quote that is very thought provoking, “Unsolicitied advice is worth just what you’ve paid for it — NOTHING!!!!”

    Second, “Don’t lose sight of who you are, your talents, your dreams, your aspirations…. always have your reasons for living.”

    Third, “Never let someone else tell you that you cannot achieve something; prove them WRONG…that you CAN do it”

    Fourth, “Take a moment out of your busy life, just to smell the flowers.”

    Fifth, “A negative self-fulfilling prophesy is just what it is.”

    Sixth, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs (psychiatrists), before you find the right psychiatrirst, who is your PRINCE.”

    Seventh, “Treat others as you would want to be treated.” If they treat you poorly and disrespectful, then you treat them the same.” People ONLY earn your RESPECT, they do NOT deserve it.”

    Eigth: “There are many people in this world that Live Life, but NOT really people who actually live it.”

    Those I just thought of now…this morning. There should be others.

  8. Know thyself; Be thyself; Love thyself; To thy ownself be true & Learn how to be your own best friend.

  9. Hi i have a question how can i help my sister who clearly has this but refuses toadmit it or go to the doctors

  10. Wow~You just made me realize that I really don’t even know who I am anymore. All of those things that made me who I am have been lost for so long. I’m not sure that I even know what I like to do. I’ll be thinking about this all day.

  11. As a supporter the only thing you have to have is a TEAM – back up support when you must go away, GP Doc for the body, Psych MD for the meds and the heads! I use our Psych as a safe place to bring up tricky issues, he is very supportive of me as the supporter-A MUST! I have learned to ask the professional to explain issues with my loved one-they can hear it better from someone else. Stop beating your head against the wall-we all need help.

  12. I read your e-mail and got to thinkingabout what i would put in my message. I was layed off from my job in january initially i was upset,but not like my supervisor.It has been 5 months and he is still ticked off won’t talk about it…I finally e-mailed him and said,hey man,”LIFE’S TO SHORT” i will be ok ,it’s ok. (He was always telling people that phrase.) I also read the other e-mails.They have all pretty much put it in prospective and i agree.Let me add make amends if needed because if something happens to someone, anyone you have had a falling out with and they die and you haven’t made amends…you’re going to be feeling real bad .

  13. My message in the bottle would be:Your the only one that can make yourselft happy. Life is to short-don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy life to the fullest.

  14. This was one of your better ones, David. Thank you. My son’s fiancee’s mother is bipolar. My son and I are just learning how to adapt and cope. But most of all, we’re learning how to help. She’s a wonderful lady with a whole lot of love to give. What would I put in the bottle? “Just be kind, someone may need your kindness.”

  15. My message in a bottle would be, “if you have loved a duck in your life you have seen the beauty that God intended you to see in all of his creatures.”

  16. I think I would tell people that forgiveness is one of the most important things there is . . . to forgive your loved one – and to forgive yourself – for all the times you fail. It’s OK to fail. The important thing is to forgive yourself and then to go on. Bitterness and grudges drag you down and can clog up your life until you forget everything else. Be willing to forgive and then love has an opening to come in!

  17. All great posts so far!
    My message would be two-fold and concise:

    Believe God, not just “in” God, but believe what His Word says is true.
    and
    “To look around is to be distressed. To look inward is to be depressed. To look up is to be blessed.”

  18. Believe it and know this, that all you are and who you are is not just a disease. You are a very unique person inside. It does take a while to find, because most people( the professional’s) joke, put you in their own mind set. Keep you stifled, due to their own lack of understanding, along with society. Stay on your medication, and keep moving foward. Never give up HOPE AND ASKING FOR THE HIGHER POWER TO HELP YOU. HE WILL SEND YOU ANGELS ON EARTH TO GET YOU THROUGH. I have had to many experiences of this matter, to even have any doubt. I just know there was no other way I could of been blessed.
    Write down your hopes and dreams, and pray for help and guidance. You must do all of the foot work, but a higher power will definitely guide you will be helped and put where you need to be.
    Keep the light and hope inside,of your mind , heart and soul, don’t look back…Because God will take you by the hand, even though he wants you to do the work, it will help you heal and become more confident in who you are as a person and empowered. Because you are a very special person, no more or less than anyone else..not just a disease. Give yourself that permission to know it and feel it and let your hope and heart soar, he has you by the hand..and eventually you will feel more of the light inside and happiness as opposed to the dark and negativity. Keep your hope, dreams alive and pray, you will be blessed and thrive and find the person, who you really are more and more, each and everyday. You will slowly begin to heal.
    GOD BLESS YOU. I am a survior of this demon disease, that likes to keep one in despair. I have been told I can’t do this and I can’t do that, so many times that I have lost count. But I tell you this from the bottom of my heart, I showed them I can do that and even more. I always have hope and ask God to answer my prayers. I have been blessed in so many ways.
    Their are so many beautiful flowers that he puts in our path, enjoy all the fragrents,all the beautiful things that he has put on this earth for us to enjoy. Remember he even knows when a sparrow dies. He make us in his image, and wants us to be happy all you need to do is ask..each and everyday is a new begining to have a chance at life to live the way you want it to be with the help of the higher power.
    This I know from experience, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND CALL FOR THE MAN UPSTAIRS. He knows your needs even before you ask. But THE KEY IS ONE HAS TO REACH OUT, THEN HE”LL KNOW YOU want IT. Your Hope and aspirations will then come true, and when you look back, you will blown away to see how far you have come. When you get to that point reach your hand out and help someone else up, so they to can see the light and have a chance at LIFE AND LIVING.

  19. Hi David;

    If I could write a message in a bottle, I would write all the good and positive things that are good in my life not the bad ones and I would through all the negative experiene in the bottle through in the ocean. And say a pray as I do it.also it help to not look back any more.

  20. Two things I want everyone to know: 1.) Remember to love and 2.) Keep moving forward. It doesn’t matter what you love, just love something wholeheartedly. This, in effect, will allow you to continuously move forward and toward that in which you love. I love the smell of flowers. No one can ever take that from me and I’m sure mother nature will never let ALL the flowers die. So no matter how bad the ‘episodes’ get, I can eventually find my way back because I love the smell of flowers.

  21. Some have already mentioned what I could have said already. But to add to their very good, and helpful quotes the desire to share what God has done in your life with others, as in a living relationship with HIM on a daily basis. That is through His Word the Holy Bible, choose your translation carefully, King James is considered the ancient Classic of reliability, New American Standard, Revised Standard also are helpful choices there are others too, but these are the timeless ones, that shouldn’t allow culture to change them to what could be less than helpful at times. Stick to the Original translation as much as possible. Seek TRUTH through Faith in HIM, Jesus, and know that His Spirit will be with you through all that you go through, good, and bad, hard and easy times. Give HIM the praise and rejoice even if it means humbling yourself especially. Help as He leads, speak with His love, and go in His strength. Life needs Christians who can love, live and be His example of Salvation from hardship lifestyles, as well as those who have to learn how to live all over again from losses and poor decisions made in the past. Live for Him by faith, and He will give you what He knows is best for you.( Blessings, )to all and Salvation by Faith in Jesus. He loves all who will come to HIM. Those who chose not to do so, suffer because of their own choice to do so. But the Christian life is not a ‘bed of roses’ He suffered for us, so we should expect the Fellowship of His suffering when times are tough for us. Take care that your own lifestyle has not initially brought that on to you, as there are many reasons one suffers the hardtimes. One may be to correct your own sinfullness, another to test your faith, and to see if you will give HIM the Glory inspite of how you feel, look or where you are or what you have been through. Much can be learned, but not all of it is what we ask for, as He knows what is best for us. Keep that in mind.

  22. God DID make us in his image, and we are “bound” to Him by His love. “God didn’t make no junk,” no matter how we feel inside. Hold on to your faith in Him; he WILL send his angels, and you may not even know them; they are in disguise. Learn to love AND give; but most of all, forGIVE. If you don’t forgive your brother, your Father in Heaven will not forgive you. Strive to be the BEST you can be, in any given situation. If you are a person with bipolar – take your medications and follow the treatment plan laid out for you, and you WILL get by, maybe better than you even thought you could.

    May God hold you in the palm of His hand and give you Peace. My prayers are with you.

  23. I doubt that you can put this out there….but mine would say………….\
    “Don’t let the bastards get you down!”
    That covers a lot of territory!!!!
    Love your site, Donna

  24. hi chinnu, Your are only who can make me happy and keep me always smiling. I enjoy every Moment Being with you. You understand my feelings Very Well. Your are there with me in every situation always. Thanks For comming into life. Thanks to God Who Made You To Be a Part Of My Life. Love You A Lot…………..

  25. Don’t allow unexpressed negative energy to come around and bite you in the ass in an unexpected manner….HANDLE your demons, don’t wrestle with them or you will get “HANDLED”………

  26. Never give up. Never ever give up on your loved one. Never think it will never get any better. It took only 2 weeks between us trying to Baker Act our son to planning a vacation together.
    Never give up!!!

  27. My message would be: Never take a day for granted.Love, laugh and learn every day of your life. If you fall get back up and dont be discouraged. And never let anger be your final words. For we know not what tomorrow may bring.

  28. I once put a letter in a bottle that was sent to the Ocean by a friend I only know through the internet. It expressed my wishes for a united America, and that means the whole continent. Today I would ask for a united world. That nothing will separate us anymore, to love ourselves as a one humanity.

    I remember a conversation I had once with a boss. He asked me if there would be a reason why I would decide to go mad. I said yes, right away, if it is worthwhile, and then he asked worthwhile like what, and I could not give him the answer then.

    But now, I know I have bipolar, I think this illness can also be an opportunity to serve. To look for and work for such one humanity.

    Thank you Dave for your time, resources, and everything you contribute with.

  29. June 29th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    I’m not the one with the Bi-Polar, my husband is. I’ve told him, his brother who has it told him. But he can’t see it and refuses to get help for it. With everything else you could possibly throw in OCD.I don’t know if thats part of it or not. But I’m at about my wits end with it.The rapid cycling just drives me crazy. I don’t know what else to do,any suggestions?

  30. I have been so consumed within the last few weeks. My husband was just diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. He moved out, went into a mania of spending and sexual episodes with another woman. I have been so consumed that I have lost sight of who I am and what I want in life. I am currently struggling since this has just all happened within the last eight weeks. I don’t know where to start to put the pieces back. I obviously have a huge trust issue and this whole thing consumes my mind….

  31. Think Deeply, Speak Gently. Love Much, Laugh Aloud, Work Hard, And Be Kind. If people had more compassion for others the world would be a nicer place.

  32. Mr. Oliver,

    I realized you cannot answer this email personally and that is not a problem. I simply would like to share a little of my personal experience as a supporter of a mother with bipolar disorder. Life has been the roller coaster ride that never stops.

    We have shared so many common trials and tribulations over the course of many years, it seems. I have dealt with my mother’s bipolar disorder and other medical and mental problems for going on thirty-six years (the past 18 since my father died have been the worst). I have no siblings to help with her care. My mother just turned seventy-four on June 8Th.

    Unfortunately, I was not even aware of her illness until the sometime during the early winter of 2006. I knew she had problems and had gone through a major depression as far back as 1985, but I was never provided any information from my dad about what he had learned during her six week stay in the hospital. She had attempted suicide on their anniversary in February of 1985, by jumping out of my dad’s van driving down a busy highway.

    She spent the next five years in a bedroom. It didn’t help that she had prior to the depression gone through a very serious aneurysm surgery on the left front side of her brain. This happened in June of 1984 (just after her fortieth birthday). The surgery was difficult, but successful. It did leave her with aphasia, but she healed quite well otherwise, over time.
    Communication was hard, but she did improve. Both mentally and physically,

    I will never know just how her mind was injured in combination by her disorders and the aneurysms. That information was not shared either. I felt it was just a miracle that she survived the jump (the surgery had been in November and she jumped the following February).

    For the past twenty-three years on the road to discovery. As we went along, I learned more about her condition: what she suffered from and why she behaved the way she did, Our most powerful and informative time of knowledge began the day she was struck by a car crossing a very busy highway back in August of 2005 (taking a risk to go shopping at a second hand store). I also discovered during this time that she suffers from obsessive-compulsive hoarding disorder.

    The years prior to that, I just spend year after year of coping with her strange behaviors and quick mood changes. My family and I went through so many year of pain and abuse. It go so bad, right after my dad died in 1990, that I had nothing to do with her for four years. It was the most peaceful time of my life.

    When, Mom was struck by the car in August of 2005, she, fortunately, only suffered a fractured left hip and left wrist. She spent the next three months getting better in a rehab facility. They released her go back to her apartment in October of 2005. After two days, she asked to come live with me. It was during the next fourteen months that I would cope morning, noon and night with her second major depression. I lived like a prisoner in my own home. It was total hell. I would imagine you know exactly what I dealt with.

    Mom came home to me addicted to pain and sleeping pills. She had no doctor because she never would go to the doctor. I began by taking her to mine, but that was not working out. Then a friend of hers, helped me to find a good senior care physician that her husband had gone to…the woman was a life saver for the both of us.

    Much has happened since that time, including the fact that I almost died in the hospital in December of 2006. I had a sudden illness develop, that nearly cost me my life. It began with a stone in my left kidney, which would lodge and cause a life threatening infection running through my body. Long story for another time. I will tell you my doctors said it was a miracle that I survived.

    Much has happened since then. Mom had to go live in a private hospice home for about sixteen months, after I returned home because I was too weak to take care of her. My doctor said I could not handle the stress. I had high blood pressure. Oh yes, I also came home diagnosed with Type II Diabetes as well. However, she recently, since the end of April came back to live with me and her granddaughter. She lasted about six weeks with my daughter and then she had to come back and live with me again.

    Fast forward to one week ago ago. I called 911 in the early evening. July 4Th, 2008 after about thirty-six hours of dealing with her going off on me, I felt I had no other choice. She was in an episode and no matter what I tried to do to diffuse the situation, she just kept coming back at me.

    It was over money. She was mad that I had used some of the insurance settlement money for some paint, new flooring and a some new furniture. It didn’t matter to her that I had lost a job because of her getting hit by the car and took care of her for fourteen months, without any pay. The fact that I was the one who fought for the insurance settlement for over a year didn’t matter to her either. She, who could have cared less for two and one half years, suddenly wanted me to explain where every penny of her money went and why there was just only so much left, three years later. I’d answered the same questions time and time again. I was tired of being grilled about it. I asked if we could just go on and forget about the past because she had started attacking me about stuff that she was still pissed about from twenty-three years ago. I’d just tried to keep away and not talk to her, just leave her be, but she would keep coming after me, relentlessly.

    So anyway, I was on the phone talking with my daughter, who had called to see how things were going. She knew we had gone through a rough day the day before. Anyway, Mom comes flying down the hall screaming at me (with her cane in hand and which one-third of the time, she forgets to pick-up). Well, she makes it to the living room and in the chair in less than thirty seconds. Usually, she takes a good minute or two just to come to the table. He eyes were glaring at me. She was mad because I was talking to my daughter on the phone about what had happened the day before.

    The day before, I had actually got angry and screamed back at her on two occasions. I also hit my fist against a box of dried flowers and stems in her room several times. I was starting to lose control of myself and I told her then, if she didn’t stop it, I would call 911. It got really intense over the course of time, by Friday morning of the fourth, I was really stressed and tense. The night before I could not relax and sleep. I actually was starting to feel threatened. I fed her, but other than that I stayed clear of her. It is amazing how strong she is when she is manic. This may sound silly, but I was afraid of her. I found myself keeping knives and such out of plan sight. You see, she pulled a knife on me and my two young children one time before years ago. So, I knew she was capable, though it had been a long time.

    It has been a long weekend. I am waiting to hear something from the hospital. This is so hard. I hope she is comfortable. I do not know what to expect.

    Debbie

  33. To DEBBIE: I sympathize witih you and your relationship with your mother. I had a similar experience with my Mother when she was pre-Alzheimer’s for four years. Because she had suddenly stopped paying phone bills (getting the phone cut off), and leaving things on the stove to burn, I decided the best way to handle it was to have her move in with me and my husband.

    There were three major moves involved – first, we moved her to our house 100 miles away; then from there, to our new house on a farm, 50 miles away; then to a nursing home.

    I KNOW what you mean when you say that “little old ladies’ can be pretty strong for their size and age! I was never afraid of my Mom, only what she MIGHT do in her mental condition.

    It finally became necessary to put her in a nursing home – one night, we had an argument over her eating habits, and my husband – who had a quick temper – finally said, “Either she goes tomorrow, or I do.” The next day, the woman who occasionally helped me with her, and I got her into the closest nursing home that could take her THAT day. Unfortunately, we had to confine her with “private pay,” which meant a private room, and about $2,200/month. Fortunately, my Dad had provided for such an occurrence with his life insurance policy.

    I strongly urge you, in light of your own physical and emotional vulnerabilities, that you consider a nursing home for your Mother. You can ask for one that takes the Social Security checks, and allows her $30/month for her own expenses. This advice is meant to save YOUR life.

    Good luck, and may God bless you real good.

  34. I have bi-polar and it has been rough on my family for years. I did not get diagnosed until 2001 and I have had tis all of my life. I am having a hard time finding the right phsyciatrist. The one I had only spent 5 min. with his patients and overloaded his schedule, but he is now retiring and I am on the hunt again. I am on medicaid and have an SSI case pending due to I cannot handle the stress of a job because of my anxiety attacts are severe. I wanting to go back to school and become either a medical transcriptionist or a legal transcriptionist and be able to work from home. Your news letters are very informative and has helped my family and I understand what I am going through. And it has helped them understand the way to help me.

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