Hi,
How’s it going?
Thanks for responding to my help wanted question yesterday. I had about 500 responses already.
I have to read through them all today and tomorrow.
Actually today Megan starts working for us again. She was on Maternity leave. She is an incredible, and I mean incredible writer and thinker.
One more thing. I saw someone post on the blog why don’t I offer F.ree consultations for those people that get my course for people with bipolar disorder.
I actually do, do offer f.ree I call you over the phone and answer any non medical and non legal questions because I am NOT a doctor or therapist.
I have been doing that for years now. I offer this type of consultation with my main courses below.
Okay, I hope you are doing well today.
The other day I saw an interesting response to one of my emails.
It basically said that I was “manic” because I send out daily emails. It also said that I was a fraud because I was trying to over- simplify bipolar disorder.
My goal is to try to make it simple for people.
I think emails like the one above are funny. It’s sad. In the old days when I had time, I would talk to people like this and 99.9% of them had bipolar disorder, were off medications and were almost using a projection on me—they were actually not doing well and saying I had bipolar disorder and I wasn’t doing well.
If you are a bipolar supporter, you know that old trick, it’s you who has the problem not your loved one who isn’t doing well? Know what I mean? It’s sad. I didn’t bother writing this person back because I don’t have time to address stuff like this.
I was talking to someone who works for me that has bipolar disorder and they said it’s so sad how misguided many people with the disorder are. They think that success is super complicated and it’s not possible for them. They grow mad at the people trying to help them. They alienate everyone around them. This person that worked for me said that I should talk about it in my daily emails.
Before I do, let me say for the 1000th time. I am NOT a doctor, therapist, lawyer, accountant, or other professional. I am NOT offering medical, legal or financial advice. Okay with that said, there are many people on my list who unfortunately aren’t doing well. Why? Well the bigger the list gets the more people aren’t doing well. If you have 250,000 people who have signed up, if you just have HALF a percent not doing well that’s 1250 people.
If you read the blog, normally the most mean-spirited emails come from those that are characterized by the following:
Having bipolar disorder and being off their medication
OR
A bipolar supporter, normally a supporter of a child or teen that feels they have no control over the situation so they lash out at society. That person asked if I am manic because I am able to send daily emails everyday. Actually sending daily emails is a function of setting goals, time management and having priorities. The average person could do what I do if they watched let’s say 5 hours of TV instead of the 7.5 that studies say each person watches on average.
Actually the daily emails was an idea that I got from someone named Matt. He suggested that I do it. He said that I should send bit size pieces of information each day so people could keep up with bipolar and learn something. But he warned not to make it too technical or boring. He also said to get the message out and don’t get all caught up in making the grammar perfect.
So more than a year ago, I started. Each day I type up something and send it out. It takes up to 1.5 hours a day.
My goal has been to try to help both bipolar supporters and survivors deal with bipolar disorder. Hundreds of thousands of people now see my daily emails. Many love them. Some hate them. One of my biggest goals it to take away the mystery of what it takes to be a good bipolar supporter and how to manage bipolar disorder successfully.
How do I know what I am taking about since I am not a doctor? Good question.
First my mom has bipolar disorder and I helped her go from almost losing everything with massive d.ebt, virtually no friends, no health insurance, no job, no doctor, and totally unstable without no one knowing how to help her to doing super well, stable, having a job, etc.
Now if you are thinking, “Hey Dave, that sounds great, maybe that’s a fluke.”
Good point. In addition to helping my mom, I have helped thousands of people through my materials and personally worked with probably over a 100. I have 12 people who work for me that have a disorder like bipolar disorder. One has 10 disorders.
Many people who work for me attempted suicide multiple times, were divorced many times, homeless, bankrupt, couldn’t keep a job for more than 3 months.
Today, the people who work for me are stable, productive, and doing really well.
When it comes to bipolar disorder, I know what I am talking about because of all this experience.
Over the years, I have worked hard to figure out what it takes to manage bipolar disorder. I have determined one thing, bipolar disorder can be simply to manage but at the same time it’s difficult.
The bottom line is that a system is needed. The system is made up of little mini systems.
This is what every success story that I know does.
For example, Michele, who works for me has probably 20 mini systems that work to go along with her entire system of managing her disorder.
Each system is fairly simple. It’s taken many years for her to figure it all out. Why do I have courses and systems on bipolar disorder like the ones below?
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
My goal is to help people cut the learning curve down. The odd thing is this, with interview after interview that I do, it takes the average person with bipolar disorder or average bipolar supporter 15 to 20 years to figure it all out IF the person with the disorder
is alive.
I just interviewed a woman named Tammie today. It took her from 1980 to around 2003 to figure out how to manage bipolar disorder. That’s a long time. Lots of what she does now is simple. It just took lots of time to figure it all out.
For my mom it took about 40 years.
With Michele who works for me about 25 or so years.
For April more than 10 years.
The list goes on and on. It’s odd but many of the key things with dealing with bipolar disorder are indeed simple but it takes some amount of time to figure it out.
Obviously when 20% of the people with bipolar attempt suicide lots of people are NOT figuring it out soon enough.
If you are doing well and have bipolar disorder do you think it’s simple once you figure it out or do you think it’s complex?
If you are a bipolar supporter, and your loved one is doing well, do you find it simple or complex to be a good one?
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Hi David
Just finished reading your email, and just wanted to say that i found it spot on.
I have only recently being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and although at first it was quite daunting, it made my whole life make sense. And I could finally understand why my life had been full of so much disruprtion, breakdown of relationships, including marriage, and generally chaotic.
Having some answers to me was like a gift.
I know I’m still a long way from being in control of my life, but at least I can now see the light! (so to speak)
I enjoy your emails, and it helps to know that we (meaning bipolar sufferers) can have a full and complete life. Thankyou and keep up the inspirational work.
Kind regards
Lesley.
Hi Dave, it would be great if it were possible to reply directly to you but i guess it isn’t possible in ‘this world’ we live in. Here’s to an even better world some day!
Today we mourn the passing of George Carlin who seems to have defied some of the pitfalls of conformity in his lifetime. There are benefits to living one’s personal truth and he came closer in his work than perhaps
many others since he seemed to be expressing himself in it.
By the way, your writing is great but there are way too many I’s being used. As a writer it can be a little more effort but worth it to avert some of the excess use of the I in one’s musings. -S
Dear Dave, I so enjoy your daily letter, it has proved relevant and helpful to me. I have recently (2 months ago) been diagnosed as bipolar. I am a 54 year old widow (for 16years now) with 4 children, youngest now 21, oldest 29. They are all 4 learning disabled, very bright and tallented though, ADHD, dyslexic, happy successful bunch. I am diabetic, gluten intollerant, hypertensive, morbidly obese and now bipolar as well! Yes I feel suicidal often, but I have been so blessed with strong faith in God, a good doctor and a wonderful therapist and I’m on a bunch of meds. I’m juggling debt and daily living, so your input is very much appreciated. I too am unqualified in any of the fancy degrees, but as you do, so do I think you and I are extreemly bright!
God bless you in all your ventures, and may you reap abundantly as you sow so prolifferously (however that should be spelled?)
Kind regards,
Toni
I believe the people who say you are a fraud are the ones who do not want to accept their own illness or the illness of a loved one. When they read what you write, it reminds them of what they don’t want to deal with.
Hi David,
Maybe these projecting-folks just don’t like that you are enthusiatic about bipolar and yourself / services / achievements all at the same time. There are people who just don’t like seeing other people do well.
I personally don’t care if you are a fraud or not. Your mails and your blog have made a difference in my life. Thank you.
I have bipolar and for the most of it I am well supported. The folks in my life that don’t understand the condition think I’m just moody or scatterbrained and most of the time I can get away with it – or so it seems, but when I think of some of the things that happen in a day, I don’t always know if I’m just going mad, getting stupid, should I keep trying or can I give up and ride the wave till it crashes again.
These stories you tell, and tie to bipolar just gives a different perspective to the whole experience. Because an experience it really is. It is good to know that we are not alone, not that I wish this on anyone, but it really helps to hear other peoples stories, the details of their struggles and to know that your own details are not “bad signs” – that it’s ok, can be managed, and that there is no shame to this.
One thing I would like to hear about (and you probably have discussed this before) is how other people notice, interpret and manage the trigger mechanisms in their or their loved one’s mood/speed-changes. I am ok with recognizing changes in emotion and work with it, but I am useless when time slows down, or when I slow down in time and I just can’t think at all.
So, all and all – you are helping people. If you are a fraud you’re damn good one and you do a lot of research – so that makes you quite exceptional, no matter what. Megan, congratulations with the baby, hope you are both health and happy for years to come !!
Meg
i find that its hard to deal wi th especially when family dont understand. My husband will fight with me and my kids ,will use it against me saying I said something but i dont rember if i did or not. sometimes my kids hate me and my husband talks of leaving us. I do know when i take my medcine life is easier. i still get racing thoughts that stops me from doing things , and all the other stuff its not as bad when i dont take my medcine . I dont understand but people around me can tell when i quite taking it. I have came to relize that without my medcine i feel like iam losinig my mind. one example is i will hear my children yelling for me and they are not home. medcine helps, so i dont get ,why i dont take it all the time like i should.
david,
i’ve recieved your e-mails for about two years now and you are right on.i’ve been married to a manic depressant person,my daughters best friend was bi-polar and the truth is when they are taking there meds as perscribed they are totally different people,yet they dont see the effects most of the time and go off there meds and then no one can live with them.and normally they eather do somthing that gets them in trouble or makes you unable to cope with them or their behavier.
you can teach them how to reduce the eppisodes if they listen but normally they have already gone to far got in trouble and looking for a scapegoat to blame for their actions.and off meds they dont think they have a problem anyway.i’ve been threw spouce abuce councling I know you know what your talking about.ty for spreading the word and being there for people.you dont have to take there abuce.
I happy that there is this letter on bi polar condition i wish i was told this about 20 years ago before i married my ex wife, she is bi polar & we had a daughter she now 18 & don’t like use both, it might be her aunt brought her up & died sporty after she just turned 18, she finished high school & has collage scholarships too & i had fell and was injured most of her life, i was just restored with my mentally problem too. i have a girl friend in jail she in rehab in December she will be out, the rehab for family problem & can’t see me, but she coming home to me, that was one of the rules for her treatment ok that what i wanted too.
I am in South Africa and are battling to have my daughter “certified” as BIPOLAR. The psychologist asked her 5 questions and then stated that she is definitely not bipolar and gave her ant-depressants that only makes her sleep and nothing else, so she doesn’t take them. I don’t know what else to do. Should I get a second opinion? My daughter has watched a program on bipolar (Oprah) and also thinks that she is Bipolar. Her lying, mood swings and aggressiveness is sometimes uncontrollable and get worse when taking alcohol. She has cut herself, steel money from our house, phoned friends on my account for more than R3000.00, abused me and tried to drown me and doesn’t eat properly, have no ambition, live in total untidiness and clean nothing. She has left school 2 years ago (gr10) and got pregnant (baby, now 9 months old). The father of the baby is a good person but with a very bad background (father abused mother) and little education (only grade 10) and no ambition. Their love-hate relationship is worsening her moods and aggression. Some days I am afraid for the baby. How do I help?
Dave, I am 67 years old and have strugged with depression most of my life. In my era no one talked about depression., even as late as the nineties it had a strong stigma attached to it.I have seen what it has done to my life though out the years. My children’s , relatives, manic depression has taken its toll on my granddaughter who is only 25 and refuses to get help. She was told she had severe depression that needed medication and thearpy, after reading all of you papers on bipolar I have a much better understanding of what needs to be done to help her. The trick is to stay activetly invoved in her trearment, were before it was left up to her alone.I have forwarded your e-mail address to my daughter so she can also see what has to be done. Thanks again, for careing
Dear Dave,
Just want to tell you how much your e-mail’s help
me to understand bipolar, I really look forward to
your e-mails, thank you so much. God Bless you
for all you are doing.
Dave this really has nothing to do with this email but do you know much about rapid cycling bipolar?
Dear Mr. Oliver,
I appreciate your emails. I look forward every morning to reading your email. I am excited about your Mom and hope one day I too can say I am stable and doing well. I have good days and bad like everyone does. I am having trouble with Bipolar,Borderline Personality,and Schizoaffective disorders. I am going to take DBT classes in August and I am praying it will all come together. Officially I have had these disorders for 19 years. I probably started years before that. I was eight years old when I first tried to kill myself. But I have had thoughts of suicide for 44 years. Achallenge I live with at least once a week…Yes I am on medication but I think it is time for a change. I am sorry I didn’t mean to tell you my life story. The main thing I wanted to say is I feel like you have helped me in the short time I have known you through the emails. I just want to Thank You for sincerely caring and willing to share your knowledge about Bipolar Disorder. I hope you and your Mom have a great life.
Sincerely,
Sandie
Thank you, thank you, thank you David for your daily emails. Yes they do work. I support my son who has Bipolar. Because of the informatin that you pass on in your daily emails I have been able to stabilize him and get him headed in the direction of a successful life. It is not always a bed of roses but it is a vast improvement over where he was just six months ago. As a supporter I deal daily with attitudes of people around me that do not understand and choose not to understand Bipolar. It is hard but with the tips you have given in your daily email I am better able to deal with these attitudes. You give me a daily boost every day. I really appreciate what you do daily by just emailing. Up until now there was no one out there who really understood what it was like to be a supporter. It has helped me with my mind set and how I approach my life with my son. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have started rapid cycling this year. Actually, I think It has given me more insite and a little more control over the situation as the cycles last
shorter periods of time now. I can act more quickly and recognize them
immediatly as I journal daily.If something seems off for a day or two, it
usually is. I nolonger have to wait weeks or months to rectify the situation.
I can schedule an appointment with my med management provider at
two week intervals if I need to, rather than wait for the monthly visit.
It helps to have a strong support system. If I start feeling well but without
extremely high energy, just alot of lofty plans, my husband will ask, are you getting rocket socks again? I can honestly reply no. I’m just gearing up in case it should happen. I need some alternate plan to spending money. Keeping hands and mind busy will help. I would like to respond
to the article on Omega 3 fatty acid suppliments. My doctor has been suggesting it as it is not prescribed medication for about two years as an
adjunct mood stabilizer. Dosage for me is 3000 mg per day. Cant say it
hurts me any. I pass my physicals fine. Good bloodwork everytime. Everything normal. I’m 53 and blood pressure, colesteral ,sugar, thyroid,
all that stuff you need to watch is great. BMI is on target, but I exercise
daily. Even during tough times I go to the gym. I’ll go in my pajamas if I
have to. I’t not a very big gym.
Thats all for now. Managing pretty well.
Hi David; wow i really feel for you. i understand all too well the stigma and the remarks that are often made by people both with and without bi polar. i am involved with a centre here in collingwood and we do peer support, intervention etc with mental health and addictions. so many people and the list just keeps growing. i live with depression also but not severley at this time, however, i often wonder if my own daughter doesn’t have bi polar. that check is coming up soon. but to move on, please know that you have all my support and any more that i can possibly give you if you need it. i can always be reached at againstabuse@msn.com by subscribers to your newsletter ……. sometimes people need to have it explained over and over and sometimes by someone different before they can begin to accept or understand it. i love receiving your information every day and i don’t believe you are manic just because it is a daily thing. Bi-polar is a daily thing but so is everything else in life and we can work around it. people don’t have to suffer with it, i hate that word suffer, and unfortunately what often happens is people hide behind their disability because it is easier for them to escape the full of impact of it that way. Everyone is the same and we are all survivors. Be proud of who and what you are. U are unique and with or without a mental illness, addiction or physical handicap u make a difference in someones life.
cheers to all and remember live, love, dream and believe.
yvette
Hi Dave,
Don’t pay any attention to these nay-sayers. They must have a problem themselves or they wouldn’t get so mad at you. You have a proven record by what you have accomplished with your own mom. You have gone beyond what most people would have done to help your mom and she has become stable, so obviously your years of research and trial and error of managing bipolar with your mom makes you qualified in my mind to help others who desperately need a forum and a place to hear about other’s experiences and what they have done to be successful in their management of their own bipolar. To me, you rock!
I was diagnosed first with major depression, panic attacks after a breakdown in 2003. I am 53. I have now been diagnosed with bipolar II for over two years now. I had one hypomanic that lasted one week and thankfully it was going on while I was at an appointment with my therapist and she recognized it. That led to my diagnosis of bipolar. My husband is bipolar 1. Both of us are on disability now.
I researched my disorder first because of my husband who has undergone many hospitalizations. He has been stable over two years now, thank God. It sometimes is a real challenge for us both being bipolar, but we understand each other’s needs and help each other get through episodes.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar I was very upset because I didn’t see myself as having what my husband has. But, my therapist explained the difference to me between bp 1 and bp 2. I have the severe depression side and have had only one hypomanic as I mentioned above. When I had the hypomanic everything seemed so wonderful to me. I felt cured. I wanted to come off of my meds and lead a “normal” life. When I told my therapist that I had been cleaning my apartment like a banchie (sp?) and just could not believe my new energy, she was wise enough to recognize what was going on. She added Lamictal to my regimen and my moods have lifted considerably, but I still, like most bipolar’s have my days when I cannot get out of bed.
However, through the emails I get from you, I have learned much about bipolar that I did not find in any of my other research. You are helping so many people. Do not be discouraged by the few who attack you.
After being so upset about getting the diagnosis of bipolar, and this was not immediate, I started evaluating all of my decisions that led to disaster, two failed marriages, and my family’s histories on both sides, it made sense that I inherited this disease and that many of my family members had it and had never been diagnosed officially. It made sense out of what has been happening to me over the years and I felt a great sense of relief, not guilt so much anymore, for my actions because I had an answer for why these things kept repeating themselves over and over.
Those of us who have bipolar need someone like you, committed, caring, and one who works tirelessly to help us with this horrible disease, one who actually understands the disease and it’s quirks and downfalls, one of the FEW that do not have the disease that understands it, and one who helps instead of put down people with bp. We all need you. Don’t ever quit! I look forward to the new information I get from your daily emails. It is wonderful how you use your mom’s illness to help all of us and what you went through. Thanks to her for allowing you to use her example publicly to help us, kudos to her for being stable through your help.
Sharon
Hi Dave,
I have been able to focus my engerys better and set prioritys and feel and see whaen I may be in for a episode and have worked through it, better able to calm my self ect. I have to say that if I didn’t get your daily letter I would most likely still be in the dark and struggleing more than would need be.
Although I can see why some might think you also have BP you write how we think in many many ways. I am a type 2 and my brothers are types 1 and 3, with us it is a family thing.
You are right when you say that people who complain about your info are probably not on meds or a program that is pro active. To me such peole expect and instant solution withoult any work or effort. To myself that never happens effort and work are reqired for life, eg) your don’t breath you die.
We who are one your site or recieve yur letters are fortunate that you provide us with insite into a life long jouney that makes it easier to see where to go and how to get there, orcourse there maybe be alturnate routes but at least you provide us with the car and some GPS. If people don’t want to use it then don’t but that dosen’t mean that it is good for others who want and appreciate the help.
I am fairly new to this mailing list, but speaking as a person with bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder, I think your e-mail messages are interesting and sometimes they speak directly to me. If you have idiots writing negative e-mails, just delete them. There is enough negativity in the world without having to deal with stupid people. If they hate your messages so much, why don’t they just UNSUBSCRIBE?
Peace.
Dave, I have to tell you that knowing all that I do about BP, I still my own case to be overwhelmingly complicated. I’m a nurse, and so I’ve had access to a lot of study and material to which many others may not. I know, intelluctually, that although BP can be a horrendous disease, it can often be managed with the right meds, support, and assistance from family, friends, work, therapy, and physicians.
I suffer primarily from bipolar depression, and the manic events seem to creep into the middle of the depressive episodes. I myself have not had a great deal of luck with symptom management. I’ve been on six different, and for others, powerful antimanic meds, and at least ten antidepressants, with little benefit and many side effects. I suggested to my doctor that we even try good-old-fashioned Lithium, but she was a bit horrified at the thought.
I have now developed seizures. Since most antiepileptic meds are also mood stabilizers, I had high hopes that the higher doses neded to prevent the seizures would help with the BP as well. Wrong. Because of the stress I have worrying about the seizures, the depression, and all the problems associated with the mania (financial issues are a huge stressor), I now take an anxiolytic as well.
I have a great therapist and a good shrink, a fairly supportive immediate family, and very, very supportive friends and extended family. None the less, every year is harder and I grow less and less optimistic with every passing day, especially as I have been advised that although it’s not impossible, it is quite unlikely that I will be able to work again, especially as a nurse. (And I was a psych nurse, no less! What irony!) I’ve been working/fighting/despairing this for over 35 years. I’m pretty damned tired of it.
I know you have no easy answers, and that there are no easy answers. Two rays of hope-my sense of humor is still intact, and more importantly, my two oldest nphews are my lifesavers, literally. Without the boys, I would feel truly hopeless.
Thanks for taking the time to read this,
Karen
Dave your article today really hit the nail on the head and I felt I needed to respond. I am a supporter and am constantly at blame for the problems in my husband’s life. Well the blame shifts around, could be me, the kids, co-workers, friends who don’t keep in contact anymore because they are too busy with their own lives. Anyone who tries to offer suggestions or help him deal with situations better he accuses of labeling him a bad guy and then cuts off contact for a while.
I wish those with BP would realize that so many people in their lives truly love them and are there for the long haul (and boy some days it seems like I am trying to haul a big rig up a mountain by my teeth!). If we didn’t love them or weren’t fully committed to them and the relationship, trust me, why would we stick around with such chaos. I understand the stree a person goes through who has BP but being a supporter is also full of stress- try juggling half a dozen things all while walking on eggshells so the person with BP doesn’t blow up and further blame you for one more problem.
My husband was diagnosed about a year ago after a chaotic year before that trying to convince him he needed to see a doctor. This past year, on meds was better but still lots of complaining and blaming everyone. the “Why Me???” questions constantly. Recently he decided he was fed up with taking so much medication (he also has several other medical problems which require medication) so he stopped taking his lithium and one other BP med. He has always thought and to a degree still thinks that all of his problems would go away if he just had more money, didn’t have to work, or its just a matter of going to marriage counseling. He has issues in all aspects of his life where he has to deal with people, so if he wants to drag everyone he has a problem with to counseling that is going to be an awfully packed doctor’s office. At first I was really upset and he had one blow up but since then he has actually turned back into the great lovable guy I fell in love with many years ago. I read that relapse is inevitable so I am waiting for the shoe to drop but right now things are going really well and he has agreed to keep seeing his therapist and his psychiatrist.
Dave I really appreciate your daily emails. Sometimes the article doesn’t apply to my situation but I usually find little tidbits here and there which are helpful. After much searching on the internet for some kind of information for BP supporters and found you, I was getting frustrated by the lack of information for supporters. Most of the info out there was aimed at a person with BP. I can’t afford your couse, but would really appreciate a little piece now and then just for for us supporters and how to deal.
Thanks,
Sherry
Dave,
I look forward to your daily emails. I have bipolar and am struggling on my meds and struggling to make my appointments and have a very small support system (I am estranged from my family) and go through rapid cycling quite frequently. As is, I haven’t seen my psychiatrist for two months and am having bad side effects from my current meds. I am also schizoeffective, depressed a lot, suicidal, don’t have a job, etc. My mental illnesses have me totally beat but at least your emails offer a little help. Thanks.
I am married to Sherry’s husband!!!
My husband was diagnoised with BP a couple of months ago. I was very unaware of what the problem was. I knew he had problems with depression but a very stressfull situation pushed him over the edge. He was very careful with money but suddenly he was acting like he was Donald Trump. Since he has been taking his medicines he is overwhelmed with the money he had spent.
I knew nothing and this newsletter is very helpful to me to understand the things I and by family will face. Thanks for the good work.
Annelle
i get your emails,i am a mother of a teen with bipolar,sometimes i think i am at my end,nothing seems to work long,but i dont have the finances to purchase your plans.the emails i gets lets me know im no alone,right now i feel that way.i wished you had free plans or less expensive ones.
As long as I have been reading Dave’s daily emails, I have NEVER found him to be a “fraud.” He has done the research and investigation on bipolar disorder that I bet NONE of us would have taken the time or energy for. Besides that, he had his Mom to “teach” him the “ups and downs” of bipolar, so that he could help her reach her present high-functioning behavior. For that, he should be commended.
When I was first diagnosed with bipolar (was first schizophrenic then manic depression), there just wasn’t any information out there, and the meds scared me – why were they using Lithium if it was so TOXIC? Dave has answered a lot of my questions about the disorder, and I am very grateful for his “homilies” about living with, and coping with, bipolar disorder. I enjoy the way he brings everyday situations into his emails, always leading to another way of looking at bipolar, for both the survivors AND the supporters.
Keep up the good work, Dave, and DON’T listen to the “naysayers!”
You are so right in saying it takes 15-20 years to figure out bipolar, either as sufferer or supporter. That has been my experience. What I find difficult to deal with is the profound sadness that I experience when I think about all the pain and suffering during that time. I keep back-tracking and thinking I should have done differently. Sometimes I am ready to give up. My husband is bipolar and his condition is so delicate that he needs onstant monitoring. One slipup with hie medication can cause immediate behaviour change. I am so tired!
Hello:
Just think how many people love you and how many people you are helping every single day. In every aspect of life there is people bitter, unsatisfied, ungrateful, etc. Those are the ones you will never make happy. They always blame others for anything happening in their life. Since I am receiving your mails, I feel I am not alone in this struggle with my daughter disease. My ex-husband never understood she is sick, the same way he never saw that behind our other daughter death was something more complex than being a rebellious teenager. He was always absent from this house and the problems we have here. My son refuses to get involved, like he say. And, for the rest of the family, most of them far away from us, and our friends, they just do not have a clue about this disease. Then, here you came, some kind of angel without wings, concerned about a bunch of people you even do not know. Your e-mails are part of my daily living now and besides getting the help, support e information I never had, I really enjoy them. Thank you David and God bless you. Isolina
Hi Dave,
I’m in NZ, I just want to lend my support to you and your excellent daily emails. I’m inlove with the most amazing man who has bp. Would dearly love to do your course. But in the mean time your daily emails are a life line to me. They just boost every other resourse I am reading and pouring over, to be the best supporter to him that I can be.
Thank you so much for being so motivated from your own personal experience with your mum, to reach out to others.
Bless you
Jen : )
I am very grateful for the emails. Your history with bi-polar makes you an expert in my opinion. Experience says it all. My granddaughter, has been to the doctor, the therapist, and today the physiciatrist. Thank you for all the information you have given in your courses about picking a doctor. My daughter went in with my granddaughter, and listened to him talk 1 hour and 15 minutes on his family. The other 15 minutes he asked her 3 questions, the capital of missouri, the capital of oklahoma, what was 9X4 and 9X8. Because she didn’t know the answer of 9X8 and the capital of missouri, he said she wasn’t bipolar. He has a feel for this when someone walks in the room if they are bipolar or not. My daughter tried to give him information about behaviours and to tell you she left angry is an understatement. She is now going to start shopping for the doctor and let her doctor know this physiciatrist he recommended is not good. Even my 16 year granddaughter said he is a quack, and even she knows she’s bipolar my everything she has read on it. So Dave, keep sending the emails and promoting your course manuals, they have enlightened us tremendously.
Hi Dave:
After reading your email today I felt I needed to leave a comment. 1st let me say that I really do believe you are for real and not a fraud, but very helpful with your daily emails, which are not really necessary, because you are indeed a salesman, but a salesman with a heart, and that is part of the reason why you do the daily emails. However, on the other side of the coin, there are a lot of scams and schemes going on today, both snail mail and email and phone calls. I once put a free ad up on our local town website to sell a junky truck for $500. I got responses from a few locals but I also got a response from one of the Nigerian crooks. I played their game, hoping that if I received the check I could get it to the FBI or something to maybe shut this one down. It did me no good, just a waste of time. But anyways, what my point is that Bi-pos, especially ones not being treated or have not found the right cocktail of meds for them yet, often have paranoid delusions and would therefore think you are a fraud, as well as all the others who really are out to get your money. I know you must realize this as knowledgeable as you are of Bi-polar Disorder. I thank you for the daily emails and the personal touch that tells us we are receiving emails from a “real” person!
David….
totally off topic
I have recieved all your bi-polar supporters mini course…
Except I am missing part one
if possible?
could you possibly send me part one again?
Thank you soooo very much
Sherry:)
Keep up the fabulous work you do.
Thanks again.
Dave,
I love your emails and unfortunately I am dealing with someone who is bipolar and has no idea what has transpired over the last 6 weeks of our relationship. She decided that she no longer wanted to talk to her fiancee (me) and has gone and spent all her money on meaningless items she will be tired of in a week. I had thought it was only depression but thanks to your website, I can see she needs more help than I can give her right now. Thanks for your website and emails. They have been a lighthouse for me over the last month.
I’ve got bipolar and have been subscibed to your e-mails for over 12 months now and look forward to them (sorry I can’t afford your courses), I’m not stable as of yet but I have just had my medication changed again so I’ve got my fingers crossed this time.
I do not really have a supporter as such I live on my own but my daughter lives near by. I try my hardest to manage things on my own, I look forward to your e-mails, I try to learn as much as I can from them and if there is what i call a really good learning message like the one a while back about attitude being DYS DIS or NON i print it out and put it on my wall so i can keep remembering especially when I’m in that black hole which i go in quite a lot as i rapid cycle.
I don’t class myself as a bipolar sufferer because it’s not all bad there are a lot of good points to having bipolar, to me I see the world differently to most the people i know, I love views, the sky, the sea, walking, watching the birds anything that’s beautiful is more beautiful, everythings amazing WOW! I try to meditate when my heads full to calm it down and on a good day i can have the most brilliant visions and colours, i do affirmations to try and stop me entering that dark pantry or to help get me out of it. I could go on and on.
These people who send horrible e-mails are not trying anything we could all just sit there and wait for someone to do everything for us and i’m not saying that lightly because i’ve had a lot of difficult times and have even recently had to reduce my hours at work through it. You’ve got to keep trying and never never give in. No one is going to wave a magic wand or give you a magic lolly on a stick it’s always going to be there, you’ve got to take your medication properly and work damn hard at it and hope that one day you’ll get stable, i’m still working at it and know one day I’ll find that stability.
My Favourite Quote: I LEARNED THAT I COULD STAY LIKE ME AND STILL FIT IN YOUR WORLD A LITTLE. SO I DECIDED IT IS BETTER TO STAY LIKE ME AND FIT IN A LITTLE, THAN NOT LIKE ME AND FIT IN A LOT
Thank you for your wonderful e-mails keep them coming
A big supporter from the UK – Joanne
Dave,
I have a good friend and her daughter that is bi-polar, and my daughter is borderline. I have found that your articles have been very helpful to me in understanding how to deal with my friend. when I first met her several years ago, I knew very little about bipolar disorder. I spent months looking up info so that I could better understand her and what she is going through. You have saved me alot of time and effort in getting me good helpful info. I am now able to help her more effectively, and we have become better friends because of your help. As far as my daughter goes, this same info, has been very helpful in understanding what my daughter is also going through. The symptoms are very simular, between the two disorders, and I have found that by dealing with her in the ways that you have suggested, I have become a more informed parent, and I am able to parent her much easlier, and without all of the drama that comes with it.
I am very thankful for the help and information that you have provided to me and the many others that are looking for the help. All I can say is thank you and keep up the good work, for it is needed.
Patrick
Dave
I’m sure you are right that it takes some people a long time to figure out how they should manage their BP. But I also think part of the “problem” is that it can take a long time for them to pluck up the courage, or to find the will-power, to do what they have to do to manage it. Here’s a personal example: I’d know for years that I had a problem, but not that it was BP. I knew that I would buckle under pressure, that my moods would flip and especially downwards in the extreme when things went wrong. In the early days I thought this was just me being weak. (Well, the doc’s and Dad had told me to “pull yourself together” and I couldn’t so I figured that meant I was weak!) Nevertheless, it recognised even then that it was unwise to put myself into situations that would generate high levels of stress. But I kept on doing it anyway! I kept up the high stress career line because I didn’t want to lose face (or the independence the high salary gave me.) I went through one major breakdown that damn-near saw me off this Earth … and I STILL went back into the fray! And later came pressures of family life and the expectations of a wife who wanted a standard of living at least not less than she’d enjoyed before we married. AND she wanted children, which I knew was a step too far, but I went along with this anyway. (I’d not be without the boys now but then – and as now, if I’m being honest – I struggle to be a good Dad when the wife is away for several months of the year and I’m a “single parent”.) Yes, I knew all this was not good for me, but I pressed on regardless. 20+ years later I have another major breakdown (not as bad as the first) and I’m finally diagnosed with BP. Ironically, while this breakdown was not as serious as the previous one, this time my employer decided I’d never be fit enough to return to work, and they kicked me out with an early retirement package!!! I take issue – I WILL eventually be fit enough for paid employment, even if it’s part-time! But it took THAT to push me into a situation where I had not choice but to give up a job (at least) that was steadily killing me! FINALLY, I have more realistic expectations for myself. I no longer demand of me that I should fulfill my intellectual potential within the rat race of a large organisation in a senior managerial position. In fact, I am currently working on a voluntary basis just one day a week as a teaching assistant in a school … a low stress job, p#ss poor pay, but it’s mostly low stress! That doesn’t mean I have to put my intellect or my managerial skills into the bottom drawer and forget about them – it means I can still apply them but in different ways – and I’ll be a lot healthier for it.
Now, there are still some stressors that cause my moods to flick widely. Some I can’t avoid, some I can. But there is one that requires a major upheaval, a break of a key relationship. If I remove myself from it, a lot of fighting would not happen anymore … and I’ve known this for over a decade. I expect the break will come but I can’t bring myself to do it!
I know I should be more strict with myself at keeping a more regular sleep pattern … but when everyone else has gone to bed is the only time when I feel some peace from them. Yeah, it’s not a good idea and I’ll have to stop doing that but …. not yet …
I know I ought to be getting more exercise, I know I should be eating more healthy food, I know, I know , I know lots of things I SHOULD be doing to help control the worst of the BP but for one reason or another, I can’t bring myself to do them. Now, there is one thing I learnt going to cognitive therapy sessions a decade ago – what we feel, what we do, what we thing – it ain’t unique! So, I’m not a rare beast with this prevarication! It’s not that I haven’t figured out what to do, it’s just I haven’t been motivated enough to do them because I’m scared of the consequences, I’m scared it will limit my precious freedoms, or I just cant find the will power to do what needs to be done. And I know I can’t be the only one like this.
To GRAHAM: Now you KNOW you’re not the only person with bipolar disorder who FEELS like you do! While most of us truly ENJOY the hypomanic/mania euphoria (and seek it even when we’re on our meds), the truth is, we CANNOT function at that level. I’m proud that you stuck with your job as long as you did – and recognized what the stress did to you – I also commend you for finding something that utilizes your talents WITHOUT the stress.
As you also know – interpersonal relationships often suffer when one spouse has bipolar. You ask yourself whether it’s worth it to “work” at the marriage, as well as being very happy with your boys. Not knowing how old you are – or what your financial situation is – I can’t tell you to leave or stay. The only advice I can give is – are you happy/content with the circumstances as they are, and would it be better for all concerned if you separated?
I lost two husbands through death – my bipolar did NOT have a bearing on those relationships. However, now that I’m 60, the “market” out there for eligible men has dwindled!! I have learned, however, to love myself as I am; to keep those few friends I do have close by; and to be content by myself. I’m in the process of breaking up with my significant other, and wonder – will there EVER be someone else? But – it was an emotionally abusive relationship – and who needs that??
I wish you good luck in monitoring your progress with bipolar, and in making GOOD choices for the rest of your life. May God bless you real good.
DAVE, of course you’re not a fraud. I’m one of the supporters who finds your emails and articles extremely helpful. I have stuck by my boyfriend when he went through a big manic episode followed by 6 weeks in the psych ward and the experience has strengthened our relationship. Without your emails, advice and sharing experiences with people on this blog I would not have gone through this. Without having learned so much from you about bipolar disorder I would probably have thought at the beginning of the episode that my man had gone completely crazy and possibly dangerous and would no longer be with him.
For over a week I didn’t get a moment’s peace, no sleep and tons of stress. One night during the episode he scared me with the things he said. When he stormed out of the house, I wouldn’t let him back in that night. Then when he didn’t answer his phone and didn’t come back I was worried sick that he might have harmed himself. Thanks to your information I knew that eventually he would be himself again. He had to go into the psych ward for his own good as well as mine and other people around him.
Now he is on 5 different meds (3 before) and weekly appointments with his psychiatrist. I suppose this is to make sure the meds (still experimental) are working right for him. I would say he is 90% back to normal now.
Also thanks to your emails I now recognise the signs of episodes and know what to watch out for. So far you have saved my relationship and probably many others. Thank you, Dave.
Hey Dave, your heading just kind of broke my heart and I guess I have to respond. I am a counselor in Seattle, WA, who’s been receiving your emails for a few months now. My specialty is BAD and, like many others who recognize the multiple, complex and always intriguing facets of this disorder, I am a high-functioning BAD myself; my Mo was a screamin’ 100% manic who never did achieve much peace…no fault of mine; I never lived with her or understood much about the Dx till it was far too late. Dave, I have much to say but will leave it at this for now: I do very much appreciate the hard work you devote to, and the dedication you obviously bring to, this topic. But I do believe that if anybody envisions you as a “fraud,” as ineffectual — or bottom line, as a victim of the same px’s about which you write — it’s probably because of the writing style I’ve noted time and again in your missives. There’s a bit too much dead wood, i.e., the writing could be tightened up a bit to say the same stuff more succinctly and “professionally.” A bit too much self-disclosure as well. Not that self-disclosure is negative per se; I use it a lot, with very good results. But I do think there’s a difference between self-disclosure to further the reader’s education or drive home a point, and exposing too many of one’s moment-to-moment emotional complexities and struggles, one’s “guts,” to the unknown recipient — thereby inviting that recipient to “get his toe in that door” if you catch my drift. Also, for God’s sake, please proof your stuff a little better! It doesn’t take more than a few spelling, grammar or usage mistakes to really impinge on the ole credibility, even if the essence of your message is quite worthy. Dave, you’ve obviously got a good heart and a good database (in addition to a decent garnishment of Mom’s genetic material) and have garnered quite a few readers who you’re in a unique position to help. Keep it up…but for heaven’s sake do put a little more critical eye to the writing, so it doesn’t sound too scattered. OK? Thanks! Your friend in Seattle, Cindy M. Black, 206-310-2525 just FYI in case you’d ever like to reach me.
Dear Dave,
Regardless of what people think, I wish to tell you that you are doing a wonderful thing with this newsletter. Yes we all get inundated with email but the bonus of email, like post, we can choose what to read and what not to read; also, with the wonderful technology that many email providers have, we can also label our emails and save them for future reference or reading as the case may be.
Regarding the statement found on your blog about doctors, please let me be the first to acknowledge that such things as this writer speaks of DO MOST DEFINITELY happen ALL the time. Not just to patients with Bi Polar disorder but, with depression, anxiety disorder, attention deficit disorder, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, motor vehicle accident victims, children with pain disorders and many many many more issues that are not even as severe as the ones I’ve mentioned above. I can say this honestly because I have at a circle of friends and family members that suffer from at least one or more of these ailments (yes including myself) that have experienced almost exactly the same issues as the writer of the blog.
I am appalled with all the monies that are paid by these individuals for an education that gives them the right to decide and determine and diagnose our ailments, that these doctors can be so careless and complacent as they are. No wonder their fees are so high….they have to pay incredibly high premiums for their malpractice insurance.
Feel free to pass this email or to post this email to whomever you wish as I will be the first one on your ban wagon to fight against poor medical service. I have a niece who suffers a mild case of bi polar, a 16 yr old daughter that exhibits bi polar tendencies, a number of family members who suffer a wide variety of other ailments, and I myself have numerous ones as well including but not limited to: depression, anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, and the list goes on. I have been lucky so far that I have a doctor that actually listens to me when I talk to her and takes me very seriously when I tell her if I don’t feel right. She doesn’t just simply give me a prescription and sends me on my way, and she is like this with each and every patient she has. She is ALWAYS running behind because she listens intently to her patience and is determined to give the best care. But I tell you I have had my share of the bottom of the medical barrel myself.
Your information I find very reassuring that there are others who suffer as I do and that there are many ways of adapting our lifestyles to assist in living relatively normal lives. I commend you for your time and effort as my mom runs a site and newsletter distribution (for free and on her own accord) so I am aware of the time, dedication, stress, and work that goes into such an endeavor.
I have no idea what your religious affiliations are but, let me tell you that I find your work a blessing to many many people and truly believe that the good Lord will provide for you the means and the energy and the support that you will need to carry on the work that you have started.
Keep up the wonderful work and I will pray for your continued success because it’s about time that SOMEONE begins to speak up unafraid in order to get the message across that it’s NOT all in our heads and that regardless of our diagnosis’s, we are still human beings and should be treated as such!!!!!!
Sincerely and Respectfully,
Loren L. Taylor
I don’t actually see how it is possible to be a “fraud” in this case. You are not claiming to have found a cure for cancer! You are sharing your own experiences and research. Some things will be useful for some people, and others won’t be. The fact is, bipolar doesn’t define a person. It is PART of who they are. They also have their own personality affecting their behaviour too. It is not like some disease where everyone who has it has the same symptoms and follows the same pattern.
Hi,
To Mariette Nortier – there is a “find support” section on http://www.bipolar.co.za which might be helpful. I am also from South Africa and it is very hard to find good therapists, some of the best I had were either connected to State mental facilities (they were very good, once upon a time) but now I would rather recommend that she try and get into contact with a provider associated with a reputable private psych hospital.
Hope this helps.
Meg
Hi,David
I don’t believe that you are a fraud.
I have learned so much from your emails.
A few years ago I worked with a young lady who had never showed any signs of Bipolar until she went through a Divorce and was trying to got to school,raise her 2 young children and work a fulltime and a parttime job. Everyone just thought that she was having a nervous breakdown.But she was able to get the help that she needed.
But now I strongly believe that my husband maybe Bipolar.From the information that I’ve read he has alot of the signs of being Bipolar.
To my husband everyone is out to hurt or kill him.He thinks that our home and yard has been bugged with listening devices,that he’s being investigated,that I’ve turned against him.
I don’t know what to say to him without him going off on a verbal explosion of how I think that he’s lying. It’s like walking on a minefield of eggshells waiting for the next explosion. Almost 2 years ago my father -nlaw,mother-nlaw and brother -nlaw had my husband admitted overnight to our State Hospital for evaluation behind my back .To this day my husband thinks that I had apart in him being picked up by our local Sheriff Depart and being taken to the State Hospital (no matter how much I tell him that I didn’t know anything about it until the Deputy showed up at our door).But because my inlaws insisted that I go eat with them several hours after my husband was picked up in my husbands mind we were all celebrating while he was at the (hospital for crazy people (my husbands words).
I can’t get him to go to his doctor and be evaluated or tested for Bipolar (because he’s not crazy ,because the doctor at the State Hosapital told me that I wasn’t crazy just stressed.)I’ve never told him that he was crazy.
I know that being Bipolar doesn’t mean that you are crazy.
My husband spend money that we really don’t have to spend,but when he isn’t having a Bipolar episode he wonders where the money went ,so I’ve started keeping all reciepts to show him where the money went ,but when he’s having an episode I’m the one who is costing him money.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO”
I was lucky enough to hit the jackpot with a superior doctor when I was in the midst of a psychotic episode @ 25. He taught me how to create my own steps (they are all PERSONALIZED if they are to be effective) to gain stability. This of course included pharmacology, cognitive behavioral therapy, and ‘natural remedies’ that happened to work with my physiology and decreased the need for high doses of meds. Because my episode was controlled, and I learned how to identify triggers etc. I went into remission for 10 years. (No insomnia no GAD no panic attacks: IMAGINE THAT! 🙂 ) Last summer, I started to go into a major epidsode. (…was waiting for it; it is cyclical…) I recognized it, didn’t deny it: but my medical insurance was not going to kick in @ my new job for 3 or 4 months. I had to wing it. Let me tell you: it was hard. I do not deny that I have BD. I accept it, and frankly, find it an asset. But I was concerned that it was going to spiral out of control before I secured my pharmacy benefits. Luckily, that was not the case. I am now medicated, and stable. (BTW, even during the period where I knew I ran the risk of being unstable….I KNEW IT. THIS IS A REAL BIO-PSYCHO-SOCIAL DISORDER THAT YOU CAN CONTROL. THE MOST HARMFUL THING ONE CAN DO TO ONESELF IF YOU HAVE BD IS DENY THAT YOU HAVE IT.) Don’t do that: find the strength as a supporter or as someone who feels BD to accept it and find a system to manage it as Dave suggests. It is not easy; but thankfully, and serendipitously, I was able to do that at a young age. Now, at 36, I am comfortable in my moody skin, because it offers me unlimited amounts of creativity, organizational ability, empathy, charisma….if you are someone with BD, don’t you want to embrace that power? Think of it as a gift rather than a burden…
WANDA, your husband certainly seems to have some sort of paranoia, which may well be bipolar. My boyfriend went through much the same during his episode. He was God’s special ambassador to the world to save all of mankind. No-one could be trusted. One moment I was the love of his life, the next the scum of the earth. My housemate was a spy who had planted bugs everywhere. All doctors and health workers were in league with the devil out to stop him doing what God had sent him to do. Of course he wasn’t crazy, but I was, and everyone around him was crazy or stupid or out to get him. His anger was scary, when his voice was not his own. It was like he was possessed by a demon. Most of the time he was unaware of what he was doing or saying and when he became aware his eyes cried “Help me!” and he burst into tears.
Your husband is showing all those symptoms and needs to get treatment asap. If my boyfriend had not gone into the psych ward when he did (involuntarily) his bipolar demon could have done serious damage to himself or others.
To NIGHTLADY: Actually, it’s quiet common for a person in a bipolar manic episode to have the delusion that they are “God’s representative.” I had that delusion during ALL of my three full-blown manic episodes, for which I needed hospitalization.
I don’t know where that particular reasoning comes from; there is some debate that what we learned from our parents and church, has something to do with it. I finally believed, looking back, that it was NOT God who was speaking to ME – it WAS a demon that had “possessed” me. I “saw” the “end of the world,” and that everything was conspiring to bring it about. I also believed that everything around me was there BECAUSE God wanted it to be. To be honest, I was never more eurphoric than when I was in this religious state. BUT – it didn’t last long; sooner or later, something really BAD would happen to scare me back into the hospital.
Your husband is not alone in this delusion; when I found out that other people also suffered from extreme religiosity, I began to see I WASN’T special. I wasn’t the only one who believed I was a “child of God.” This was the beginning of my “healing” – a real “eye opener,” as it were.
So – if you look at it that way, your husband is no different from many other bipolar survivors; it’s just a symptom of the illness.
I wish you and your husband good health. May God bless you real good. You are in my prayers.
When I became bipolar in 1995 it was at first hard to adjust knowing that something was wrong with me,and having to take medications for the rest of my life.I found it hard to quit drinking because of meds,and I would skip taking meds because of drinking,but I did it! If I have a beer It would be those non-alcolholic ones,and it’s far in between from one to the next.A six pack could last me a month or more! Once I got my medications in order which I take three times a day and one once a day I divided my waking time into three parts and every six hours I take my meds. The tricky part is remembering to take them.I’m also discreet when I take them when I’m around people or I adjust the time alittle so as there are no questions. Very few people know I’m bipolar and the less that know the better.I carry extra meds with me when I go somewhere in case I get stuck somewhere,especially on the road! You never know what kind of bad weather you might come accross! My doctors so far have been very good to me,and I have been improving my progress.It took me a long time and trail and error to get me to this point where I’m sable and can lead a normal life.I do get the up’s and downs and it’s harder to go through those times,but I somehow manage to get through it.Dave has a lot to offer people with bipolar or supporter to bipolar with advise and guidance to wellness.
Hey i admit i find your output flabbergasting but in a good way, you obviously work your ass off.
Keep going mate
Dear David,
Refer your mail on 22 June with the title “Help Wanted question and warning on doctors for bipolar disorder” regarding data entry work, I am interested for my son to undertake this work. How do I proceed on this ? If he earns whatever money he can, it will increase his confidence. Kindly advise what is the course of action to go for this work.
Thanks
Anu
refer my above comment, am not sure how will I receive a reply. this is my first time to send a msg to your blog.
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