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Hi,
How’s it going?
I can’t believe it’s snowing where
I live. Seems to early.
Anyway, yesterday I wrote a daily bipolar
email about not looking back at a negative
past and moving forward to look into the
future.
Someone wrote me the following:
“Dave, I hear what you are saying.
But there’s so many negative things
that have happen to use since
bipolar disorder started. It’s almost
impossible to keep looking back.”
-Mat
Hey Mat, I know what you are saying.
Like I said yesterday, there’s a lot of
negative things with bipolar disorder.
BUT, you still to look to the future
and not just focus on the past bad
things.
I have a very simple strategy for everyone
to help with this.
Right now, go get a pen and
paper.
Make a list of all the good things that
have happen with your loved one with
bipolar disorder
Get together all pictures that show
happy times
Get together any video footage of good
times.
When things go badly you must review this list
and also separate the bipolar like we talked
about last week (If you missed that email,
see my blog below).
The bottom line is you want to:
FOCUS ON THE GOOD THINGS.
Remember the good times. When you do this,
it will help you overcome your negative hopeless
feelings and provide “fuel” to move forward.
By focusing on the good it will give you the
strength to keep on helping your loved one
and not abandon them.
By focusing on the good it will help you
to withstand the verbal abuse you may
be experiencing
By focusing on the good it will help
you to forgive all that was done that
was bad and many cases really bad.
In my bipolar courses and systems, I talk at length
about how I suffered immensely from bipolar
disorder but I always focused on the good
things with my mom and not the bad.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Other people wind up focusing on the
bad and that’s how they become super
angry.
I find that by making a list of the good
things that happen with your loved one,
not only does it help you get through the
tough times but it also helps you remember
that bipolar disorder is not your loved one.
Remember the thing that you are angry at is
bipolar disorder NOT your loved one. I know that
sounds crazy so to speak and I will probably
get a whole lot of emails from people saying
that I am confusing bipolar disorder with
other disorders like dissociative identity
disorder. I am NOT.
This is just a technique to help you overcome
a very difficult time. Try thinking of your loved
one’s bipolar disorder completely separate from
him/her and you will see how much easier your
life becomes.
Also, review your “list of the good” regularly
and you will find yourself being a much better
supporter.
Well I have to run.
Don’t let bipolar disorder beat you.
If you have tried this technique, please
write us all a story in my blog below
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
So true. My daughter is awesome. It’s the bipolar disorder that sucks.
It is extremely difficult to separate the two. In may case, my wife was unfaithful,lied and decieved me and is still doing so. So far it has been 4 months of hypo mania. After seeing and knowing what she has been doing. It seems impossible to ever forgive and forget. We are currently going through a divorce due to her infidelity. We have a son as well. She gave up all rights to him and our beautiful home. All she wants to do is find sex with someone and party all the time. I am crushed by her behavior. She finally decided to go to a shrink and alter her medications. It all began with a deep depression. Our doctor prescriped 150mg. of Effexor. Not a good idea. It is the devils drug in my book.
I can of course only agree with you. However, I can also testify how incredibly hard it is not to let the (bad) experiences from the past affect me. Although my mother has had bipolar disorder probably as long as I can remember (I’m 49) the nature of her disease hasn’t been understood by me until recent years. (Why don’t those doctors involve the family!?!?!?)
For many years I just couldn’t stand my mother who when I met her was either sleeping all day long or simply out of reach and “crazy”. During her manic episodes I remember telling my closest friends my mother was like someone high on drugs.
My past experiences, especially from adolescence, make it very hard to be supportive and kind during mother’s manic episodes. I do try my best though and try to hide that I am extremely uncomfortable and nervous. I find simple “templates” on how to answer and deal with the “patient” useful. You know, phrases like “I’m sorry I made you upset, that wasn’t my intention, please forgive me”.
Thanks,
For the most part my husband treats me as you do your mom. I am grateful that he sees the disease as it is happening and still sees and loves the real me. Forgiveness of self and others brings a peace. Where their is bitterness, and disappointment there is no peace. FORGIVE and move forward and know that you have grown up in your life’s journey in a very big way.
I just found out my son age 9 has bipolar…I have lived with it for many years, I’ve had ups and downs but like Dave says you can look at the positive and use it to your best knowledge and help them as much as you can..Atleast I can identify with my son and understand.
Why do people need to look at the future? Well, for those of you who drive, how many of you go down the street backwards while looking in the rearview mirror?
Or, do you walk backwards on a sidewalk?
The more we dwell in the past, the more we steal from our future.
I had problems 25 years ago that drove me into deep depression. Of course, all my problems were very interesting and, perhaps, downright entertaining. They must have been because I thought about and discussed them all the time. By doing this, I became an expert in problem generation!
Luckily, I read The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder. If I only got one thing out of that book it was “we are what we talk about.” This made sense to me, so at my very next opportunity to talk to a friend over the phone, I babbled on about all the good things that were happening and the places I was going.
Was that hard to do? You bet it was. I had tears streaming down my face with every future-forward word. But guess what? After the conversation, I moved forward with lightening speed.
People tend to do what is most familiar, and if talking about the past and problems is familiar, that’s what they’ll do. Likewise, by talking about the past, they have no time to plan for the future.
Got a bad situation at home or at work? Focus on what you want to have happen next and ignore what is happening now or in the past.
When you meet people can’t articulate what they want to have happen next in great detail, you’ll understand that they just don’t know where they are going.
The bottom line is that our words are our prayers.
We become what we talk about and think about the most. It’s the law of attraction. The people we talk to reflect what we say. If all we can talk about is our problems, not only are those problems reflected back, those same problems drive the people who can help us away.
Yes, we have to be positive – as soppy as that might sometimes sound! bp gives us sensitivity and beauty as well as the negatives. Many great artists have been fueled by their mood swing! To my mind there is an interplay between character defects and bp – the bp will emphasize them and show the deep cracks that otherwise would go hidden….One has impulses, but can often learn to just watch them on the movie screen of the mind and not ACT on them. That’s why self-knowledge and therapy is so helpful with bp. We have SO much to be grateful for living here now in the US – let us not be blind to our abundance and general good fortune!
Hi
I made a list firstly of the negative things which I as someone with bipolar do which give me a kick e.g drinking too much, overeating, overspending etc. For a long time these were the things that i did repeatedly even though they ruined relationships and had other bad effects on my life. Then I made a list of the postive things that I can do that I like and enjoy e.g jogging, cleaning, meeting up with friends for coffee etc. I now try to focus more on doing these ‘good’ things. I am still making big mistakes but hopefully they are less frequent and less harmful then prior to my diagnosis.
It is hard to separate the two, but extremely possible. Both my ex-boyfriend and I are bipolar. When we first got together we had a harmonic relationship. Then, when we moved it was like lightning, he completely turned into someone else. It did not make sense to me at the time. Well needless to say, things just got worse. We got an apartment and both had steady jobs and only isolated ourselves in the city. The only thing he would leave the apt. for was to work or get booze. He never did let his job go, but everything else went. Slowly but surely, I stopped seeing money because it was already gone. We lost everything. Through this and still today with us not being together anymore and all, I know it wasn’t him that wanted this. He is a very good person, just the disorder gets in the way when he starts to get it right. We cannot reside in the same household due to another disorder of his that causes outbursts of his temper. But he along with myself are two people who cannot afford help or get help for the disorder. I have two children I’m supporting, and We are just one of many many people across the country in this exact same situation. The only thing that helped me hold on as long as I did was looking up at the good things and pushing the bad out of my mind. The only thing you have to watch out for in this aspect is how bad the episodes get. Sometimes it is not in your power to be able to physically handle the situation at hand. Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from the situation to be able to help them.
I have been helping my husband with bipolar through our ten years of marriage. I have never abandoned him but, developed a severe depression that I was told is normal for spouses of someone with bipolar. Now, I am pregnant with our third child and he has been having an affair with a woman since the time I got pregnant. He also decided to leave me and the children. He has turned into a dead-beat dad besides leaving me to handle everything alone. The chlidren seem to be happy because he is not here to yell at them or me anymore. In many ways life has become easier for us, but at the same time, I am so lonely and miss not being able to help him as I did on a daily basis. I worry that he may become suicidal and have tried to warn the mistress about his condition. He and the mistress call me the crazy one. I guess they will have to find out together what they are dealing with?
Of course, I agree with you, Dave, in the context of things that happen. But where this good advice trips up is in the experience of the depression. There is only dread in looking forward because you know what it felt like before and you et to realise the damned thing comes back again! It always ends but it always come back, too.
It is difficult to express just how it feels where you’re in deep, and probably impossible to understand if you’ve not gone through it. All I can do is say that it hurts. Not in the same way as a stab or broken bone, headache or Gout. It hurts in a different way, it hurts as angst that is unbearable. That we DO bear it and get through this pain the first time it happens is more a case of putting up with it because you believe it’ll end soon. Of course, it doesn’t end soon and the doc doesn’t tell you it won’t either. But because you believe it will you allow yourself to live one hour at a time … until it stars to wane and finally passes.
Someone once wrote “Though a wound does heal, it leaves behind a scar.” This is how it is with a big depression. It leaves behind a scar. Once you’ve felt that bad you never want to go there again! It’s just too much to bare, to even contemplate. I would want to go, I couldn’t stand going, through it again, which is why I keep a close relationship with my docs! Seriously, if I ever felt I had to endure that pain again, I WOULD end my life. Such a thought is never far from the front of mind because the thing about these depressions is that they always come back . Sure, so do the better times. But it’s like being on a tread mill and there is no light at the end of the tunnel for this aspect of existence. All that can be done is hope that, next time the big one starts, you can get to the doc fast enough for meds before it gets too bad to stand. I wrote some song lyrics to try to describe this cycle, and found a number of people would come up to me after I sang it to say how they “knew” these feelings:
Lifting my mind
Above the clouds that confuse me
You know it’s not easy at all.
The clouds in the sky,
They’re so light and fluffy
But mine hang so heavy I can’t see.
It’s times like these
That I wonder if it’s worth it
To keep travelling
With no where to go,
When there’s no light to see
At the end of the tunnel
That gets smaller
The further in you go…
I suppose some day
The sun will shine through me
And warm me like it’s done before.
I’ll stand out the winter
And wait for the summer
As long as I can keep out the cold.
It’s times like these
That I wonder if it’s worth it
To keep travelling
With no where to go,
When there’s no light to see
At the end of the tunnel
That gets smaller
The further in you go…
(This has copyright, by the way.)
You dig?
Super-Sabre said, “But he along with myself are two people who cannot afford help or get help for the disorder.”
What, do you have to pay for psychiactric medical help in the US? Is here no free service? If so that is an appalling indicment of a 1st World nation. In the UK we are blessed with a free health service, the National Health Service. It is fraught with problems – I get a different shrink almost every time I go to the hospital, it took a year before I was seen by a consultant psychologist and it wil be a further year before the psychological treatment (cognitive therapy) starts! But at least I did get a psychiatrist, and I have s een a psychologist and I’ve not had to pay anything towards it save for normal income tax that everyone pays.
Graham said: “What, do you have to pay for psychiactric medical help in the US? Is here no free service?”
This question from someone of a different country brings up an extreme point. Well aware that countries as close as Canada itself have free health care of all types. It is painful to know that I make too much money to fall into the category of “poverty” and thus needing medical help. But yet at the same time, I make too little to afford my own healthcare. This is the real average American.
I have known my boyfriend for almost two years, and, therefore, he has never seen me in a manic episode. However, I cheated on him six months into the relationship, for sex only, as he has ED, and a low libido (and I have a VERY high libido). I tried to explain that it was only physical, and – believe it or not – he separated the bipolar from ME!!
He seems to have “forgiven and forgotten,” but there ARE trust issues, and he is VERY jealous of ANY man in my life. When I ask him if I act differently (apart from “normal”), he says, only when I cheated.
I have told him that I love him; he told me last year that he loved ME, but not recently. Now, I think he has the opportunity to take me for granted, and not even try in the bedroom. This leaves me VERY frustrated. However, I have sublimated my sexual urges for HIS sake. It’s hard; it’s not easy NOT to be me. But – I WANT to keep him; I don’t want to grow old alone, and not have a supporter.
I never bring up the other guy’s name, as this only incenses him. Other than that, we have an idyllic relationship. He is very smart, and has done extensive research on bipolar disorder. He even thinks one of his FOUR wives was an undiagnosed bipolar!!
I finally figured out – I am NOT a bipolar – I am a PERSON with bipolar disorder. There HAS to become a time when you differentiate between the two…
BIG HUGS to all those who have bipolar disorder, and the ones who love them. My prayers are with you.
I love a man who has PTSD and is bi-polar. I have really tried for 5 years. Since his most recent suicide attempt, I am lost. I have to love him from a distance now. He has destroyed any relationship between his children, his siblings, neighbors, even medical staff. I cannot put together any pictures of his smiling or ever showing any love or emotion even for his children. He is void of emotion. Only shows anger, physical pain and chronic depression. Constant denial that the problem exists. Everybody is crazy and/or out to get him..Lyn
A family member has not been diagnosed but has mirrored the behaviors I read here. She’s left her home and shares the job of the three small children part of the time. He’s in limbo, trying to see just the positive and wait, but the rest of us don’t see change in her. We ache for the little ones and have trouble watching everyone’s life revolve around her needs. How long can you standby and let someone drain finances, relationships and emotions? Praying and waiting…
Theoretically, what you say is true of course, Dave. But when you’re depressed (which I have been for many months now), a symptom of that is negative thinking, looking at the past in a negative way. There have been times when I’ve been very positive, but right now all I can see is the bad stuff.
When I read your comment, Marten, I started to cry. I was a bipolar mom with two boys, and I know that they would say exactly what you’re saying. I was in bed for prolonged periods of time, and I know that disturbed the boys. I know I was “out of reach” at times because I was so preoccupied with my depression or hypomania. And my younger son once told me that “everyone on the street knows you’re crazy.” The idea that I hurt my children and made their childhood difficult is something that I can hardly bear, especially now, when I’m depressed.
– Sue
PS: To S: Very intelligent comment, as usual. Thank you for the BIG HUGS and for your prayers.
Sue, I can identify with your feelings. When my lads complain that I sleep too much or that I don’t spend enough time with them … it cuts deep even though I know it’s not my fault.
But its not easy when faced with a shrink who says “…you have to take responsibility for the decisions you must make and not blame your inaction on the illness.” Easy … for him to say! When one’s mind gets so confused that you can’t work out what’s the best thing to do, it’s hard to make ANY decisions! “But you already take decisions, ” he says, “For example you chose what clothes to wear today.” Oh, no I didn’t! I just grabbed what was on the top of the pile after I’d washed them! It’s usually pure chance when they colour co-ordinate!!! And then, when I complain that my levels of irritation and anger have risen over time, he tells me my anger at things is “quite normal”, that every society defines what is or is not normal. As if I didn’t know that already! But he just couldn’t understand that me getting angry ISN’T normal for me.
Sorry – I’m ranting. Must be hypo – I only got 5 1/2 hours sleep last night and I’m now wide awake in spite of it.
Graham
I too am looking for some positive, but find it is extremely difficult. My wife has chosen to leave, have affairs, and is oblivious to our 3 year old child. She has chosen to find sex anywhere she can. It is like she is void of any emotion and regret. She has lost everything. Our 15 year marriage, her child, her family and about to lose her job. She will not listen to anyone. She is manic and does not feel anything is wrong. She say’s “I feel better than ever and your just mad because I am happy”. Will she ever come down from her manic?
If so, will she even remember the hurt she has caused? Will there be guilt or remorse? All I want at this point is for her to get better and be a Mom again.
Is there hope?
I have so much to tell you Dave!
This last weekend, I got in the way of a bipolar epidsode of the superior craziness and chaos that we have all come to know (and love?)
I ended up needing 10 stitches and to recover from a mild concussion.
I’m fine now, my husband and I spent a week apart due to this incident and now we’re trying to figure out how to make a plan.
I don’t know how to make a plan. How do you tell someone they are in an episode when they are in total denial?
I need help with a plan… and free medical help.
Maverick,
Will she ever come down from the mania. Oh, you bet she will. And how! As a rough guide, the higher you go the lower you fall, about equidistance from the level point. And she will probably remember all she’s done, woth all the associated guilt that comes with it. But you – and she – must remember: it isn’t her that’s doing the bad stuff, it’s the Bi Polar. Don’t blame her, encourage her not to blame herself – blame the SOB Bi Polar!
Graham,
Thank you for the insight. This is the first I have ever had to deal with something like this. She is 40years old, and has been stable for 15 years of marriage. I feel like she is punishing me and my son for something. I try very hard to separate her from bp, but it is extremely difficult. She “accidently” send text messages for me intended for her new boyfriend with X rated material and what they intend to do to each other later that evening. How can I ever forgive her or the bp for what she has put me and my son through?
maverick,
You must remember it isn’t her that is being unfaithful, it is the BP pulling her strings like a puppet master. Blame it on the BP. If you don’t, when she comes out of this manic phase it won’t be her shutting you out but you shutting her out at a time when she will need you the most, when she’ll probably be crashing down to a depression as low as the mania was high. Even if you decide you can’t live with this marriage any more, try to be there for her when she comes out of this phase because she may have no one else left to support her through thoughts of desperation and suicide that will come with the depression.
In the meantime, have a discrete word with her doctor. Tell her how she is now behaving (i.e. manic) and say you’ve been looking up medication on the Internet and noted Effexor is merely an anti depressant, that is not a mood stabiliser, and certainly does nothing to limit mania (or hypomania.) Then ask if he will consider something more appropriate! (Generally, I only get hypomanic episodes – not as bad as your wife’s – but even then I was originally given Depakote for controlling the highs and Cipramil for the lows. I’m now on 175mg (rising to 200mg) of Lamotrigine, which is supposed to be even better at controlling the highs as well as helping to lift the mood when there are lows – basically, it’s a mood stabiliser.
DAVID YOUR SOME KIND OF WONDER. LAST FRIDAY I HAD A SPIKE WITH MY BIPOLAR AND MY WIFE WHO HAS BEEN READING ALONG WITH ME ON CRISIS PREVENTION CALLED MY SHRINK ON HIS CELL PHONE INTURN HAD ME TAKE MORE SEROQUEL AND LITHIUM. I WENT TO SEE HIM TODAY 11/19/2007 AND WHILE I WASN’T 100% I DIDN’T NEED TO BE HOSPITALIZED. IT WAS MY FIRST INTERVENTION THANKS TO DAVID OLIVER. JAMES
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your words of encouragement. Although I am quite certain we cannot continue with our marriage, I need her to get better for Austin’s sake. He needs his mother back. He is only 3 and does not understand why Mommy left. Conversing with someone that knows about this disease first hand, helps me better understand what to expect. I will give it my best effort to be there for her. It is just so difficult for someone to understand what she is going through if you have never been there. Thank you again for your support and encouragement.
To MAVERICK: I’m soooo sorry…I feel your pain. Bipolar disorder doesn’t “promise you a rose garden.” I am bipolar myself, and have left chaos and pain in my wake during manic episodes. How I wish I could say or do something to “make it better,” but all I can do is pray that your wife gets INTO TREATMENT, and her “coming down” will be that much worse for her “highs.”
Take heart – she WILL ultimately “crash.” That’s when she’ll need an understanding spouse to stand with her and encourage her back to the wife she once was. Fifteen years is a long time to just be thrown away. Be there for her when she “comes to her senses,” for ultimately she will.
My prayers are with you.
Thank you so much Suzanne. I hope to be there when she does crash. I need this for my son. How do I overcome such a tramatic year? I understand she will eventually come down, but what about the supporters? I never realized how devistating something like this can be. It has ruined everything we have worked for the past 15 years. It seems like she does not even care about anything but her and her sexual tendancies. I hope to better understand someday.
To MAVERICK: I know, personally, what your wife is going through. With my bipolar symptoms, one is random sex. The more I got, the more I wanted. It was the thrill, the big O, the variety, the change from routine, the validation that I was sexy (although I’ve never been a mother, with those responsibilities), a wanton disregard for what anybody else thought, the absolute freedom to choose a strange and different partner and new experiences with different positions, the ability to choose my partner, the “chase” of getting a new partner, etc., etc.
I know this really doesn’t help with the way you’re feeling right now – it is just a partial explanation of what is going through a female bipolar’s mind when she “goes off” in a manic episode. Your wife is probably also going through a “mid-life crisis;” a change from the routine is what excites her.
I’m still thinking about you and your hopeless situation, but please, try to be understanding when she finally “crashes,” which she will, and offer her a support which, I know, right now, you don’t feel like offering her. She will be humiliated and guilt-ridden when she “comes down.”
God bless you, and I hope things work out for the best. My prayers are with you.
‘Don’t let bipolar disorder beat you.’ I think that is very good advice. Knowledge is POWER. What we don’t know CAN hurt us! I’m grateful, Dave for all you do and have done, for us bipolar survivors. I truly believe you have found your calling. Pls. keep up the good work–you ARE making a difference out here!
My husband left in January i guess i was just wondering will he ever crash and would he even contact me if he did. He was with someone else so I figure she will be the one he crashes too. I have recently met someone else and no the marriage is over but i never has closure and it still hurts me will my husband ever crash and regret his decision to leave. He seems to be void of any emotion towards me and that I never even existed. This has been going on for a year I would have thought he would have crashed by now. Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks.
Angela,
I am in the same situation. My wife decided to leave as well about 4 months ago for the big O. Something different, the thrill of the chase, etc. She has since began to seek medical attention after 1 year of my persistance. She is finally beginning to realize what she has thrown away. Her husband, her child, her house, her life and sanity. Believe me when I say they will always crash and crash hard. It is difficult for them to admit their mistakes, but they do realize how they Fucked up. My suggestion is to be as supportive as possible. I have studied this disease for hours and hours. As hard as it is, try to separate the two. It is much more difficult on them as it is on you. Believe me. They can just mask it easier due to their disease. It is a disease, just like cancer, or any other. I struggle to cope everyday, but I try my hardest to separate the two. Ask for help from his family, his friends, co workers etc. to help him get help.
Then work on your relationship.
I pray for you,
Hi Maverick thanks for responding I just figured since it has been 10 months that the chances of him coming around are slim. His family i tried talking to before he walked out and they said it was the marriage he was unhappy. His brother wont talk to me and since he walked out I thought someone might call but no one ever did. They told me to leave him along. His friends well they just think he is having fun now like he deserves that I held him back and the other friends just told believe this disease exists. I just figured since he is with someone else that he wont ever regret walking out on our house we just finished building together, our marriage and a child I miscarriaged with just before he left and our beloved dog in a blink of an eye no looking back and I cant believe his family thought this was normal. I pray for you I feel so bad for your child that must be tough. Do you think there is a chance for you two to get back together. My husband was unfaithful to but lied to my face before he left. I just figured since it is that time of the year when it all began that he would snap out of it and remember. I just need closure to move on in my new relationship with peace. If he called me tomorrow though I would be there for him if he needed help all he would have to do is ask. I will always have a special place for him in my heart. I pray for you and your child take care Maverick and thanks again.
Angela,
As you know every situation is different. After months of pleading with Kim, she finally went to the doctor. She continued to deny everything was great and she was fine. She often told me she is finally happy and I was just pissed that she was finally happy. I told her if she was fine, than lets go to the doctor and get a professional opinion. If he says she was fine, than I would not ever bring it up again. Well, I made the appt., met her there and he was just a “counciler”. I called the Doctor in advance and informed him of her behavior. He recommended her to see a psyciatrist. After her appt. she called me crying saying “I was right the whole time” She was on the wrong medication, effexor, thus amplifying her hypomania. She has been back 4 times. The doctor is slowly taking her off the effexor and supplementing with a “leveling drug”. Althoug they reduced her effexor from 150 mg. to 75, she is still in her manic stage. She will go back in a couple of weeks and possibly reduce her effexor to 25mg. With that said, she still thinks she is better off moving forward with the divorce. We went to dinner last night to discuss her child support. I asked her if she wanted to hold off on the divorce until she was level headed. She declined. She has gotten better, but still not in her right mind.
I cannot tell you whether you or your husband will ever get back together, but I will tell you if it was meant to be than it will work out. Just be there when you can. Be nice and supportive. Let him know you will be there. Let him know you are trying to get on with your life and good luck with yours. He will hate that. Let him know you can’t wait forever and you plan on dating again, maybe tell him you have been seeing somebody. Kim hates that, but it tends to help me. Although I am not seeing anyone, she asks all the time who is she, where did you meet her, etc. I think it makes them realize that you are trying to move on without them. Try to hold off communication. I makes them wonder what you are doing.
He will come to realize what he has lost and regret his mistakes. It may take sometime, but it will happen. I don’t know if this makes much sense, but it has worked for me.
God bless you and Happy Thanksgiving.
Can I ask if you know for sure he BP? Has be been diagnosed?
HI Maverick no my husband was never diagnosed with BP only depression brought on by stress and anxiety and put on celexa. But he has all the signs. THe constant spending snowmobiles, ATVs trucks, etc and the debt I always bailed him out. Waking me up at all hours of the night with these huge ideas and arrangements. TOld me he was not the man I married and when he looked at our wedding pictures he didnt know who we were. He gave his clothes away and bought a new wardrobe with a different style of clothes than he was use to. Starting staying out all night not needing any sleep than crash for days. Eyes became glazed over and blank and he told me his thoughts were racing that he felt this way since a teenager. He thought people were coming into the yard and loosening the lug nuts on his truck etc.. I told his parents and his doctor about all the bizarre behavour but it did no good. So no he hasnt been diagnosed but he sure fits all the things I have read. SO I guess if he never gets diagnosed then he will never get better and never crash. He just told me he was taking a new path in life and that nothing gave him happiness not work, life and told me at the time everyone would be better if he wasnst around. There is history of depression in his family his mother suffers. Anyway thats all I know I guess I cant help him cause he thinks everything is fine and everyone thinks it is just temporary depression but they didnt see and live with the person I did. When he walked out the door he told me I was the only one and would be the only one to see this dark side of him. It freaked me out.Thanks again for listening.
It definately sounds like BP. I cannot tell you how sorry I feel for you and your situation. All I can say is that I sympathise with you. If he does not seek medical help then he will crash and crash hard. People with medication can come down gradually. He may be to proud to admit he F’d up, but he will realize what a great thing he is missing. You sound like a good person with a good head on her shoulders. Be there for him when he crashes, but you must move on with your life. Life is to short to be consumed with someone that does not want/think they need help. As long as you know you have done everything in your power to get him help, then back off a bit. My mistake was to keep calling, emailing and texting her. It was almost like we were still together but lived apart. She liked that. As long as we kept in constant touch, I think she felt she could return anytime once she was done with her manic. I have reminded her that I am here for you. I have also told her that do not mistake my kindness for love or friendship. I am putting forward the effort because AJ needs his Mom back, thats it. Once you get your mind straight, then we can work on our friendship and work on your relationship with your son.
If you wish to talk in person, please do not hesitate to call me.
My name is Greg. 940-230-7000.
Take care and good luck.
I have, in recent years, told my son, “Bipolar does not define who you are!”
He is a gentle, kind spirit by nature and it is more prevelant than the mood swings of anger, cursing, paranoia, and other symptoms of Bipolar. Those personality traits are the “Bipolar” not “Him”
If a blind person accidentally bumped into you, would you say, “Hey, watch where your going!”
my husband is just learning about bi-polar disorder. We have a long road ahead of us. I will not leave his side, no matter what.