==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you enjoyed the bipolar news that
I sent out yesterday. If you missed it,
check my bipolar blog below.
Hey in the middle of last night,
I had this incredible idea about how I can
help people who can’t afford their bipolar
medications, therapy or treatment.
It’s going to require that I do a lot of work
for me but worth it. I envision the system
being released for f.ree in January.
Today actually I have to go to a far
away library to do some research for this
new concept I just thought of.
Okay on with today’s bipolar email.
I wanted to write you today about a rather
big problem that I see going on with some
people supporting someone with bipolar
disorder.
It all started yesterday when I
was talking to a friend in the gym.
It’s kind of funny. This friend
in the gym was on my list and didn’t
even realize that I was his friend
and it was my mom that had bipolar
disorder.
Anyway, he said to me, “Dave,
I am so annoyed. You know we lost
so much money because of her bipolar
disorder. If we didn’t lose all that
money, I would be so much further
along in life.” Then he went on
and on about his wife and all
her episodes and how problematic
they were.
I said to him, “Isn’t she doing
great and stable since you start
using the system I told you about?”
He said “yes but, we lost so much
money and time….” I cut him
off and I said, “you have to look
forward and stop looking back.”
There is NO question that bipolar
disorder can be super destructive
and a nightmare to have and to
help someone with it.
There is no question that it creates
financially stress and problems. There’s
no question that people with the disorder
usually spend years trying to get stable.
There’s no question that bipolar disorder
wastes a lot of time, energy AND money.
I have personally wasted a lot of time and money
on the disorder. You’ve read my stories
in the descriptions of my courses/systems
below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But here’s the deal. You have to MOVE
FORWARD and not keep dwelling on the
past.
Now there’s no question that you should
do what I call a PEA (post episode analysis)
and see what went wrong if a bipolar episode
occurred.
But you can’t keep saying:
if only we didn’t lose so much money
if only this episode didn’t occur
if only we caught the episode earlier
if only we didn’t waste so much time
I talk to a lot of bipolar supporters
who really spend way too much time
thinking about all they lost instead
of focusing on the future.
Focusing on past negative events becomes
a trap for many bipolar supporters.
With my mom and her last big bipolar
episode, I looked at the past to figure
out what happen and why I thought it happen
and then I just focused totally on the future.
My brother on the other hand, I remember when
he was talking to us, he would always say stuff
like, “Yea well, she’ll just go into another
episode again like she always does.” It was
almost like he was always living in the
past.
In my opinion, that’s the wrong attitude.
I once heard or read this somewhere:
YOUR PAST DOES NOT EQUAL YOUR FUTURE
I was talking to Michele Soloway yesterday
and she was telling me how it took her many
years to get control of all the different
disorders that she had and that for a while
she was kind of negative looking at the past
and feeling that since she didn’t have them
under control, she might not ever. Then
she changed her attitude and looked into the
future and started to imagine and think of
herself as being successful, stable and
not having the same old problem she always
did. As a result, she started actually
doing well.
I can’t prove this but I think when you keep
looking back at the past over and over again,
you almost create your own failure in the future.
My friend swears that he is going to
stop focusing on his negative past and
focus on a positive future. He also
did acknowledge that he should be very
happy that his wife is stable and doing
well.
I really would appreciate you posting
a story of how you went from looking
back in the past to looking to the
future.
If you have a story please post it on
my blog.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hello, I have bipolar disorder but I don’t like to think of it daily, as with your posting, because my episodes have been very rare and I think that if I think of being sick all the time, I’llget the episodes more often, but if instead, I forget about the my bipolar tag, the lapses of normal behavior are larger.
Good day to all,
Maria de la Luz
It is a difficult thing to do-look forware not back-but it is worth the effort. My husband is bipolar and I have suffered along with him-not knowing or admitting what it was! What a BIG mistake. I and he now acknowledge it and move on. with meds and stress reduction and all the tools to move on, I feel we can. Thanks, Dave.
I just moved to St. Louis with my sister not far and my best friend right here. This is the most support I have ever had for bipolar. A positive atmosphere with positive attitudes was the first break. Next I stopped pondering on the past as much because there were so many good things around me. I could not spend as much thought time as I normally would have on my negative past. Then, I started thinking about where I was and wanted to be in 5yrs, 10-yrs, etc. Finally it started to make sense. If I keep positive hobbies, people, and never give up I will have stability in many ways, some more extreme than others. I now have a stable job, home, and car. Been a long time since I could manage my money enough to have both. I smile more now and always remind those around me to have faith in the hard times. Everything will be o.k. Just have faith that it will and NEVER GIVE UP!!!
This disorder was devasting to my personal and professional lives. When I look back at those events I get depressed. It can trigger an episode. So when I get meloncholy, my significant other reminds me how far I’ve come. I’m impressed with my recovery and new life. With medication, managed lifestyle and therapy, I now enjoy what everyone should have: a stable job, comfortable living quarters, a loving relationship and general contentment. I accept challenges of what I have and focus on where I AM, not where I WAS. Reverse has been broken and I can only drive forward.
My 15 year old son is bipolar and I find it hard to always move forward but I do. I always read the emails that are sent by David and I find them to be positive and so helpful to me. I now want to buy the material.
Thanks David. You are a inspiration.
Hiya, I finally diagnosed after having my third child she now 2 years, started with post natal depression, which I had with both the others, but this was something else. I lost everything, because obody got me anymore, I had changed so much. Before this I was PA for the Head of Child Protection for 8 years before that PA to the Manager of Morden Underground and worked running a driving school from home 2 weeks after she was born. Then I got sick, husband didnt listen and he had me carted off to a mental hospital. We split up over a year ago, been through the mill ever since, just come out of CRISIS House where they changed my tablets, not sure if they working, felt really bad for weeks, but I have kept my children safe and loved, which is the only thing I honestly proud of myself for. Just recently been moved to temporary accomodation, and my ex-husband came round and beat me up real bad as I didnt want him to move in. – I dropped the charges as i dont feel well enough to go through anymore drama at the moment. I had a good day today, first one in 5 weeks, kids 11, 3 and 2 and keep me on my toes!!!he has the children for weekend so I slept alot and caught up with myself.
I only wake up in the morning for my children, even then I have a good sob and drag myself up, very proud that nomatter wot i been through there has never been any question of my childrens care, love or well being
David if you read these, I would love to get involved in a small way to start and help, have no money but am PA trained, and when back o track a bit would love having something I fel strong about to focus on. Reading everybodies stories makes me cry as I know exactly how they feel- i would rather break all my arms and legs, then at least people would see how much pain we are in and maybe help us? . x jo
I lost my life, but wanna new one so bad!!!
My husband was diagnosed after being arrested for totally out of character charges. We have been caught in the courts system here in Canada for the past 2 and a half years. My husband has been on house arrest for two years and we have three boys, all under the age of 15. This has been a very stressful, frustrating, financially and emotionally draining for all of us. I don’t blame myself or my husband though for where we are. He did not choose to have this disease. He did not choose to put his family through what we have gone through. There are times when he has made conscious decisions that are harmful and on those I will call him on it and hold him accountable but when he is going through the pits of depression and despite counselling, heavy medication and whatever else we can try to help him through it, I can’t blame him for that. It doesn’t do me any good to look back at what we have lost. I have much to be thankful for. I work with someone whose husband is dying of brain cancer, and have a friend who has a six year old son who has been battling cancer for two years now. They have paid a large price in their lives too but at least I have my husband and it won’t always be like this.
Thank you for the daily news you send everyday. My daughter is an adult now with bi-polar and she has learned not to look back and always is thinking positive instead of looking back. She works everyday and has a son who is 15 years old who loves her a lot and she is an excellent mother. Thinking postive and staying busy has helped her a lot. Its hard for her financially though as Meds are so expensive and even though with insurance and poor wages puts a strain on people. More help is needed to help keep bi-polars stable.
I am the father of a 20 year old girl who is bipolar. She has had so many manic episodes in the last 3 years that I don’t know where to begin. Her mom divorced me a few years ago,(she is also bipolar) after getting into drugs and alchol, and basicaly losing all self control when her doctors switched her from Zoloft to Prozac.
Well the divorce came and I got all 4 children. My daughtors episodes finally hit an all time high in May of 2007 when on Mothers day she lost it. I have been begging her for several months to get help. I got her into counceling, but after two sessions she refused to go back.
Now she has moved out and into a home with a married man that I just cant stand. He uses drugs, alchohal and God knows what else. She dropped out of college, and has so many highs and lows that you just never know what person your gonna get when you talk to her. She has basicaly allienated the family, and I am at my wits end. I feel lost, and terribly confused about what to do. My new wife works with individuals much like her, and she says that I can do nothing until she wants help, and gets it. What is your oppinion?
During my nearly year-long recoveries from my three hospitalizations (1968, 1970-71, 1977), I would do the post-episode delimmas. I would look back and TRY to figure out what threw me into manic episodes. I could figure out the off-the-wall things I DID, but not WHY.
I started thinking about how I could improve by NOT dwelling on reading the Bible, frequenting bars, having random sex, taking jobs that were too stressful, and finally, getting married in 1984. After my marriage, I HAD no further manic or depressive episodes.
I think that’s because I had another person I felt responsible for, and therefore, couldn’t AFFORD to get “sick.” He kept me busy on our farm, and with all the conventions for Young Farmers. I was treated as “normal” by my in-laws (who did know of my illness), and others we dealt with. I think my marriage was the turning point in my bipolar disorder.
Yes, I HAVE had out-patient manic episodes throughout the years, but I have been MAINTAINED on my meds and psychotherapy for a LOOONG time.
Now, with a good boyfriend and a strong support unit, I DO look forward to the future much more than I used to. I DO recognize my triggers, and I get in touch with my psychiatrist if I feel something is WAY out on a limb. I have everything to gain – as well as everything to lose. But, like Scarlett O’Hara, “Tomorrow is another day,” and I look forward to just surviving daily.
BIG HUGS to all bipolars, and those who love them. My prayers are with you.
To JO: I think your blog is the bravest thing I have ever read. To think ONLY of your children is very courageous for someone who has bipolar. AND, you have been through SO much to get where you are today – BRAVO!!
I find comfort in the Bible, and maybe you could, too. I will keep you in my prayers; you are an outstanding example of a woman who sacrifices to keep her children happy. I know it’s not easy – even starting out getting UP in the morning and facing another day. You are better off without your husband; you don’t deserve his abuse.
KEEP ON KEEPING ON, and you WILL prevail.
Much love,
Suzanne Slmswa@hotmail.com
Greetings To ALL!!!!!!!!!!
I was diagnosed as being bipolar two years ago. But someone up above must have been watching over me when (Dave, this gentleman/my savior) emailed me in regards to my disorder! I must admit that I totally ignored his daily emails until, like a jolt to my system, this man, this stranger, who has a peculiar way of analogizing peaked my curiousity. But know this I don’t know Dave, nor do I know of how he was able to contact me, changed my life though his constant and daily emails. I don’t know how long I’ve been bipolar but because of DAVE! I now know that I have been clouded for a long time. I lied, caused financial ruins and almost forgot the two most important people in my life, MY CHILDREN. Through his information I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE CLEAR-HEADED THAN NOW. THANK YOU DAVE FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ME AND GIVING MY THE WISDOM TO DIFFERENTIATE THAT THE CRAZY SHIT! (SORRY) I DID WAS NOT ME BUT MY DISORDER! ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU
It’s important to remember the lessons of the past, but constantly bringing up the errors that have been made is very counter-productive.
Here’s my past: promiscuity and infidelity, drug and alcohol addiction, wild spending, outlandish lies, viloent temper.
Here’s my present: stable,good husband and father,reliable,sober, good job.
Being flogged with the mistakes from the past only detracts from the progress we have made, or are making. It tends to instill in us an unwillingness to change for the better. Almost a rebellious(“I’ll show you BAD”)
If your loved one is making progress, let the past be just that!
Get Real, Get HELP. If you are bipolar your family and friends are in need of you getting help! That’s all there is to it. You will make their lives miserable with the way you treat them, so I beg you to get help NOW! Help is out there, ask your doctor.
Thanks for that email. I have bipolar but my mom doesn’t acknowledge it. She is always talking about my past failures and I need to distance myself from her when she acts like that and just remind myself of my future. I am stable at the moment and have come a long way from where I was. Things were pretty bad but now I am doing well. My mom hardly ever talks about how well I am doing. She constantly lives in the past reminding me of the terrible things I did to her. I just want to forget all those times and just live better now but it is hard with her there to remind me of all of the bad times. She is very negative. Sometimes it can be draining just being around her. But thanks for that email. It just reminded me to keep focusing on my bright future.
Thanks again.
Jessica
Dave,
Thank you so much for your daily emails, and for all the analogies that you make. It is ironic that today, when you weren’t making analogies, I was able to make one of my own. I need to let go of the past, and look forward instead to better times. Again, thanks so much!
trying to catch up on emails so this reply is a little late.
I sometimes feel like your friend but i often try my best to look forward and not look back that actually easier for me to do than my husband although he is making progress. bipolar is draining on your finances because after an episode of mania like my husband had we had no money left and now we hospital up the wazoo . when he gets his bill from his therapist he is always like “we can’t afford for me to her anymore.” i stop him right there and say that “we can’t afford for you not see her” I know that he will get better in time and be able to start working again so that we can get out of the hole we are in. but I am doing everything I can and spending money for child care etc. so that he can get better. And now that we are aware that he has bipolar we can plan accordingly.