Yes, Yes, and Yes.
I find peole don’t really want to know what’s going on in your life anyway especially if they can’t help of fix it.
They don’t understand even to thier best try, insted you get the your might be crazy look which hurts by the way.
So yes I say everythings all right when the room is spinning and my thoughts are racing, when my mind feels so slow it like swimming through mud.
When people find out how much I hold back they say it is better to be your self and to be true to you , if they really knew they would not say it.
So Yes, yes and yes I tell a white lie to get by.

I don’t believe that bi-polar white lies are necessarily bad. But sometimes you just need to be up front with your family and friends and let them know what is happening. You never know, you may find another support person that either you as a supporter of someone with bipolar disorder or if you yourself are suffering from bipolar disorder that you can count on. I know that I have been very honest with my friends and family about my bipolar. Some of them except it and some do not. Some people think that bipolar is just an excuse for bad behavior. Others seem to get a better understanding of what I am going through with my son who also has bipolar and is ADHD at the same time. He has just started taking medicine and seeing a therapist. I have noticed a big difference in his attiditude with life since he has been taking his meds and getting the right kind of sleep. I have really found that sleep is one of the most important thinks that I can do for myself. to keep me from going into an episode. That is one of the problems that I am facing right now. Because of the grey weather and the holidays coming up I am feeling somewhat down. But having to deal with Jon’s problems as well as my own, makes things very difficult. But I have a good support system in place for me. I am trying to get a support system in place for Jon as well. I have copied most of the emails that David has sent to me, so that I can give them to my mom to read, and then maybe she will understand more of what is happening with Jon. I have sent the emails to Jon’s father and brother as well as my sister. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is a good support person most of the time. She just doesn’t understand all of this bipolar stuff. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent some today. Hope you all enjoy a great Thanksgiving and remember to give thanks to God for what you do have in your life, becausse there is always someone out there worse off than you are.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

Mechelle

Hello and good morning,
David, I am reading a book that was taken from print around the beginning of the 1900’s. The elitist did not want this information out to the general public. It is written by Napoleon Hill, the author of “Think and Grow Rich”. Mr. Hill was informed by those that paid Mr. Hill to write these books, so in effect he had to remove the book from publication to keep his friendship and money coming in to allow him to do his calling in life. Now I have read Think and grow rich many times and I enjoy it and find new ideas every time I read it.
Mr. Hill’s removal of this book “THE LAW OF SUCCES IN SIXTEEN LESSONS” HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN 2006 AND IS A VERY GOOD BOOK TO HAVE AND READ. I just received this book and have not completed the introduction because I am reading it into a tape recorder so I can learn to speak well and it also helps me when I listen to it to learn it with ease.
David, One of these first introduction rules of success explains atoms and their components, but then supports the fact about what the author calls “ETHER” Of which all the universe is comprised of. With this he explains that everything is vibrating even though we cannot see it and can touch it up to a certain rate and then a little higher up in this vibration comes the ability to see it and then as this vibration continues higher it becomes ultra violet waves and higher up it is light speed and so on and so forth. What his theory is that our minds is these vibrating light speed or faster circuits of atoms, traveling out from the brain to others and into infinity. He projects that sometime in the future we will not have to use our tongues nor ears to listen to our friends and counterpart. He also suggest that now these emitting waves are sending signals to others and can be used to support those around you without them even knowing what has happen to them to make them either like you or dislike you. I have much more to read and learn but I wanted you to know that with this study it may help with the issues of Bi-polar disorder. As I read I will attempt to apply these laws to out goal. I would like for you to obtain this book so we both can be on the same page so to speak.. Having meetings with like minded individuals is of great importance, simply because of what Mr. Hill calls the Master mind. This Master mind is a combination of two or more minds working in harmony to obtain a certain goal or out come. Even being separated by distance does not nor will not affect the ability to use this master mind law of Mr. Hill. SO I will read and study, hoping that the “ether” of this universe will flash upon my or others in this master mind group an answer to our deepest desire for our loved ones.
Mr. David,
Have a great day and know that by your thoughts upon any subject will bring outcomes that benefit the whole group.
Marcus

I am the parent of a teenage son with bipolar. Yes, yes, yes.. I tell white lies all the time regarding 1) why I’ve been away from my job when he’s had an episode, 2) when people ask how he’s doing, or 3)when he was at inpatient after an episode, and I know there are plenty of other times when the truth just doesn’t cut it.
A lot of people don’t want to know — or I find they just don’t understand. They say he can help himself or he’s doing these things on purpose. For years he’s been bipolar — but was never diagnosed until this year so people assume he can help himself.

I tell bipolar white lies all the time. Mostly when it has to do with family gatherings. I either don’t go at all or excuse myself during. Nobody but my mother knows why and she never tries to stop me. She is my main support and understands my reasoning. We have family and because of me, we are spending Thanksgiving together with one of my sons. Christmas, there will be a family party and I have already told mom I won’t be going this year. Last year was horrible and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. We used her for the excuse, she being tired. They bought it because she is 89. So I have no problem with the bipolar white lie syndrome.

i have had my bipolar under control for 4 years with out meds. but this month my boyfriend of four years broke up with me and this month id the month that my 21 daughter died on nov 20th 1999. it felt like my hole world came crashing down on me. now i am lossing control, the lie i dint tell but have not told the truth is to my neww doctor he has been treating me for depression and anzity i dont know how to tell himm i was diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago. i think he might think i am crazy. but i know i need my meds like my leathum .becouse i am in the manac stage i have been able to always know and wath the for the sighns and focuse on something good and postive to get me back up . now i have lost that control. all i want to do is go into a emty room and just stay there alone. i am an apartment manager i am not able to get away from people. but its getting so hard to put that happy face on and smile and say every thing is ok when i just want to yell i am hurting inside so bad that you dont know the real me you just know the maske i put on every day .i am able to take off at night and cry my self to sleep and wake up feeling lousy. how do i reach out to the right doctor or clince to get help.? mary in texas

Dave, I don’t think of that as a lie because all you are doing is asying what 99% of people want to hear! They veryu often don’t understand or, they mostly don’t want to know things are bad! That’s the way it is in our society, or at least how it is in US and UK society, bcause most people make a pretence of caring when they don’t – they are mostly ambivalent. They only ask “how are you” because it’s the polite thing to do, it;s the norm for our Society. You hear a classic example of this especially in US shops where the checkout girl always seems to say when you’re about to leave the shop “Have a nice day.” Truth is they don’t give a toss if you have a good or bad day, and they certainly ain’t interested in hearing if you have a bad one. Try telling them and they glaze over and find an excuse to get away from you. Now, if you were Russian and someone asked “how are you” and you felt like sh#t you could tell them exactly how you felt and they’d be concerned! That’s not because Russians are more caring, it’s because only those who care ask! If they don’t care they don’t ask. They are much more honest that us Yanks/Brits!

The best thing to do is to get into a network of people who are either supporters of Bi Polar people or, if you are Bi Polar, a network of people who have any kind of chronic illness because you can be honest with them about how you feel, and they can be with you because you have a common understanding of what it’s like to be ill. Knowing that is great because it give you, and them, the chance to let off steam like” Oh boy! Do I feel terrible! I am SO low I wish I were dead. You know what I mean?” Answers: “Oh sure! I know that feeling! It’s horrible, isn’t it?” “Yessir, it sure is … I don’t know what to do.” “Hang in there, buddy If it gets worse, ypou can always call me or go see your doc for a change of meds – that’s what I did when I last thought about jumping under a train! I still jumped but I’m so blind and I missed the track!!” (Both laugh – Black Humour is great medicine if you’re depressed!)
I have just such a network. One is severly depressed and drinking too hard on top of a high dose of Prozac, one’s got Lupus and the other … I forget what she has but it’s damed painful and she gets deep depressions with it. So, we all suffer similar simptoms even though we have different chrnic conditions – depression, fatigue, etc. – and we understand how it feels. When we feel good or bad we keep in touch, offering a crutch if we can when it’s needed.

I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE SUPORT GROUP ON THE INTERNET FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BIPOLAR BECOUSE I HAVE NO ONE TO CHAT WITH IT . I AM A VERY SHY PERSON AND DONT LIKE TO BE IN BIG GROUPS OF PEOPLE SO IF I COULD FIND SOME PLACE HEAR IN THE INTERNET TO CHAT WITH PEOPLE THAT KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING THRWE WOULD BE GREAT HELP. MARY IN CORPUS CHRISTI TEXAS.

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I have told bipolar “white lies”. Apparently not enough. They can be called white lies, if you wish; but honestly they are what is called in my mind “discreet discretion”. I am learning the hard way that the reality of living with this disorder in a “loved one” is for the affected to know and understand only. The truth is that MOST intelligent ones in your life don’t understand, don’t have the impetus or other qualities needed to want to understand, and they are fine where they are in their understanding and the informed one is the oddball and the real psycho! I am new on board to David’s e-mails and am in the infantile stages of healing and getting my life in order.I have learned tremendously a lot this year about my bipolar husband. I have suffered for 11 years with this man, thinking that it was me, that there was something that I can do to change things, and all the commonalities to the uneducated when dealing with this unbelievable mess that I can NOW put a label on. BTW…I am not at a point that I can even start to get him help because at this point, I need to put on MY oxygen mask 1st, if you will, and then maybe I can assist him. I am so lonely all the time and sooo angry today due to the ugly consequences of undiagnosed, untreated bipolar disorder, that I was faced with earlier this week.
I got this information about David Oliver, maybe 2 weeks ago, when I started to be confident in my assessment of what the real problem is: BIPOLAR!!!
I moved to a totally different state in 1999, where I now reside, when my daughter was still an infant and I was newly married to my husband, (2 years at that time) We moved here, apparently during one of the manic episodes of my husband’s illness. You see, my hubby got a job in this new state, he had recently got custody of his then 12 year old son,(1998) and wanted a new start.I was his smart, beautiful and devoted enabler. We married, by the way, in 97. So many bridges he burned. This disease when undiagnosed and untreated always needs a clean slate to restart on. His ex was Satan from hell, he had me believing and was very abusive to his son. I believed this due to the fact that her reactions to me and to my husband and the son were hostile all the time. I thought I was helping my husband, standing by my man, if you will, by assisting him to get custody of their son. Truth be told, she voluntarily released the child with no fight and paid her child support. I could not understand how she could do that. I believed that she cared NOTHING about this child. This child was direspectful to her. He talked to her any kind of way with his father’s approval. I was too inexperienced and ill on some of my own levels to CLEARLY see that this was wrong, even though I knew deeply entrenched somewhere in me that this could not be correct.This was the bipolar’s uncanny powers of persuation at work assuring me that 1+1=3. I felt it was justified perhaps due to the hostility that she seemed to show. Well, in 2000, I began to see the ugly truth. My husband drank profusely. He didn’t discipline the boy. He did not allow me to say anything about the childs contemptible behavior, and what’s more, he had no reservations about leaving the child home with me and going about his business, be it to work and where ever,home ALONE with this badly behaved, disrespectful child. In my husbands warped reality, his ex deserved all of the garbage that he and this child, which by the way is 20 now, conspired up together to give her. I realize now that this illness, needs an enabler to keep it alive and well and flourishing in the bipolar person. My stepson became that to my husband and still is. For all of us who were fooled for a little while by the irrational reasonings and distorted reality of the Bipolar at one time, but no more, and now have started to take measures to conceal oneself from the horrible consequences have now become the enemy and are punished. I am Satan from hell now. I am in tears as I am writing this. Unbelievable reality to be faced with. I’d did not go into my marriage thinking that it would turn out this way. I was sincere and wanted to love and support these individuals.
In 2000, when I realized to some degree, that these 2 lied on the ex and mistreated her and used me at some levels, I felt horrible. You see, I too, am a mother. I called her and apologized. We talked and were cordial.She expressed her forgiveness. (Do you blame her for forgiving me? I took the bipolar AND her son who she could not reach, who was an out of control child, off her hands and moved to another state!! She has a measure of peace!! Very contentious disorder, this Bipolar is!!) Did I mention that this child told atty’s in court that his mother was abusive; that he called her at work and edited himself with the number pad and said “Pardon my french! @#$$ you! I want to live with my daddy”!? Did I mention that he would tell her that she was no kind of mother? Oh yes. You are not surprised, however. You have your own stories, I am sure. Well, to make short of it, the years have gone by with this child receiving no discipline, me replacing the ex as Satan from hell to all the inadvertant enablers who believed these 2, periods of nice times and explosions of rage and hostility out of nowhere, the boy disrespecting me with dad’s approval,(Did I honestly think that I was sooooo special and I didn’t deserve what the bipolar and his son had given to the ex??? Who’s mentally ill here?); the son struggling in school, step mom not allowed to help due to the contentions that the bipolar stirred coupled with speaking disparaginly about me now; no respect there even if I wanted to; dad not dealing with how this boy is behaving, me living with the reality that my best friends, and my family in another state 1300 miles away and trying to survive and make a home,not knowing WHAT I’m dealing with beyond alcoholism; because the periods of “good times” kept me thinking that I controlled if and when any good times would return; and I stayed and kept pounding sand. The bipolar’s family disrespecting me, calling me gold digger among other diparaging things,which occured when I would object to poor treatment by my spouse, and he would call them with his warped truth.
My stepson stole from my daughter and I. My husband stood by him all the way. Because my husband destroys himself financially, I kept my finances away from his, and got a job in 2001. We lost the home that he purchased in 2003. He asked me to get one in my name. I did with the condition that his son,who is now an adult, would not be welcome. He tried to get the son in; but I used my leverage not to allow this. My husband abandoned me and my daughter and drove his son to his home state since he was no longer welcome in any residence of mine. He tells everyone that I kicked him out. Truth be told, when I said his son was not welcome, he said well I’m leaving too. He returned, eventually. His son had to come back to the new state as well because of his probation.

I mentioned that he stole from us…I found our items at a local buy sell and trade. I filed a police report. My stepson used his driver license to turn all 200 DVD’s mostly belonging to my daugher, her game cube and game boy and the games connected with them for cash, as reported by the officer. The charges against him were dropped because my husband said that these items are community property, half his and he didn’t want to file charges. By the way, my stepson has a prior conviction for theft and spent some nights in jail. He is on probation for 3 years. My husband, knowing that this young man is not welcome in my home,AND WHY, tried to get him into our gated community when I was away recently. I red alerted the security gate personell prior that he was not welcome. They did not let him in the gate. My husband did this behind my back and it dawned on me that this may have not been the first time that something like this has occurred.His son is a thief, for Pete’s sake!(There it is, the always feeling like I have to defend myself).I filed a restraining order the next day; my stepson was served on Halloween. My husband pays for his son an apartment because he cannot live with us, and he has burned bridges with others. He cannot keep a job, as he apparently is a regular drug user. He burned up our carpet smoking pot in the home where we once all resided together.When my step son was served with the TRO he called his dad, which is not surprising, and his dad, my husband, who I still reside with, called me yelling and screaming. When he asked if I filed it, I asked my husband if he tried to get in the gate in my absence, which was the only response I gave him. The court date was this past Monday. My husband accompanied my step son, as his supporter. I seemed to be alone to them, but I had counsel who was later. What should not go unmentioned is I did not consult my husband regarding the TRO, I just did what I needed to do to protect myself, and my daughter, as my husband has proven that he is not capable, or willing to do so many times prior. My husband had his arm around his son showing his support and at the same time, in his warped world, punishing me and showing me how much I mean to him. Truth be told, I am a wonderful person who is very loving, beautiful and deserve better treatment, I am just married to an ill man who has support for his illness. People honestly believe what they want to believe. There are undeniable signs that even his enablers cannot argue!
My stepson told the judge that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me or my daughter,(his half sister) who was also protected on the TRO. The only reason why he was trying to get into the gate was because he needed $15 and his dad had worked all night and didn’t feel like bringing it to him. He told the judge, in so many words, that he stole from me and my daughter unremorsefully. He told the judge that his dad begged him to replace the items, but he refuses.The judge asked him if he had permission to sell our things, he said his dad said that it was community property; and that he told him he took it after the fact.Truth be told, my husband discovered our items missing. He asked his son about them and he said he knew nothing. My husband didn’t expect me to file charges. The judge asked my step son how he supported himself and he said that he was a student and his REAL MOM pays his rent. (Truth be told, she is in another state and has very little to do with him because he does not have the desire to do better, not because she is a non caring witch–dad supports him). The judge could not continue the restraining order,due to the nature of the court that it was filed in; but made it clear to my stepson that he needs to keep his word and stay away, and just because he is not able to issue an order didn’t mean that I don’t have any other options. My husband and I have not spoken since. I know that he is incapable at this time do do any different than what he is currently doing. This reality does not take the pain away. Mentally ill is not mentally retarded. He does not have the humility to recognize that he needs help. He has too many supporters in his family that keep him ill and that hate me and support him in his ill treatment of me. He pays their expenses, etc.They use him for their purpose and they need him to be ill. I have never been unkind of unloving to them. My family never mistreats him. My husband mistreats me, and then feels guilty and buys something, or does something else that is overcompensatory. And this blog is NOT the HALF of it! I board a plane tomorrow to be with my family. The bipolar will stay behind, feel guilty and drink.

I will tell “disceet discetions” (white lies) to my family. Why bother with it???

Peace.

TO MARCUS

This book “THE LAW OF SUCCESS IN SIXTEEN LESSONS”

It’s EXCELLENT. I highly recommend EVERYONE get it. You can get it at amazon or a book store. Thanks Marcus.

Dave

Thank you Grahm. He just called me while I was reading your blog and asked if I would take him to K-mart to get a bag to pack his stuff in. DID he forget that he owes me at least $1500 and that we have a 4 month old infant that needs papmers. Not to mention X-mas is coming and I think the only way my children will have anything for X-mas is because of Toys for Tots. Thank you though still.

To LittleViews…I am in stiches laughing and I needed to laugh. Unfortunately I had a mouth full of donut when I started to laugh. At anyrate, thanks so much! =)

Bipolar white lies are somewhat necessary because not everyone needs to know all the details of your private family life or problems. My boyfriends family is especially bad with the prying. His mother and sister are both social workers and it surprises me how insensitive they can be to their own son/younger brothers’ struggles. His mother even likes to lay guilt-trips on him for times when he wasn’t somewhere (due to an episode of depression) or for not pitching in a lot of money on some family extravagance ( we are a family of 3 living on his 1 income while I finish school so we don’t have a lot to splurge with, and they know this, but are ignorant ). When finances are getting tight sometimes we have had to borrow money until the next paycheck, and when we borrow from my parents there are no questions asked because they know that its hard. When we borrow from his mom & step-dad she grills us first “What are you spending your money on?”, like we’ve been out blowing it on new clothes, t.v.’s, cars, or street drugs, etc. when she knows full well its going to our utility bills, cell phone, car payments, car insurance, gas, and student loan payments, which really doesn’t leave much after, and then they’ll expect us to throw in $100-$150 on someone’s birthday gift! Then she’ll say that if we want this loan we have to promise that we will sit down with her to work out a budget, which is her way of finding out how much each of our expenses are, which are none of her business. I never promise to do the budget with her, I told her last time that I will get a budget package and do it with my boyfriend. Then we have to post-date a check for her before we can get the loan! Its so unbelievable that a woman who is certified to be a social worker and actually spends her work days helping other needy people get the benefits, aide, and programs available to help them, can be so ignorant to her youngest son, whom she knows is diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, and actually triggers agitation in him. Sometimes I feel like she knows she is upsetting him and does it to get a reaction, then acts all surprised when she succeeds! I used to discuss his progress or set backs with them, but then it started to seem like they were using it as ammunition against him or to belittle him in front of other family members. So when questioned now I just focus on the positive things that have occured, like him making our daughter waffles the other morning and spending the entire morning playing with her and watching her cartoons while I was out taking a certification exam for school, or how he woke up early last weekend and took us out to breakfast, or when he came to my nieces’ birthday party at my parents’ house, or how he helped me redecorate our sun room, and the fact that he got a lap top from work and spent all day Saturday downloading and adjusting and building it to my needs for my birthday present ( its in a week but he gave it early ). I did tell them when they added a new medication (mood-stabilizer) to his regimen, because I had been pushing for it with him and his doctor that he needed something more because he hadn’t been himself more than usual for a while. I told them that because it was a big step for him to accept that he needed additional medication (he hates the fact that he has to take meds in the first place because it makes him feel like people will look at him like he’s crazy or unstable, but really he has a good, professional job in computer-related advertising in a huge entertainment company. I tell him its not his fault, there is nothing wrong with the person he is, he can’t control the fact that his body has a chemical imbalance that requires medication to help correct it or he could start to act unlike himself – Diabetics can’t control the fact that they can’t break down sugars and require insulin to help them, or people with heart conditions, like high-blood pressure, that require them to take blood pressure medication and cholesterol meds to help prevent a heart attack or stroke). Little white lies are some times a necessity to protect you from undesirable people’s ignorant judgment and furthering them trying to belittle you. So at Thanksgiving when his sister pulls me aside, as usual, and asks how he is doing and I say okay, and then she starts probing more in-depth, I’ll just say “The new med is making a real difference, why don’t you ask him about the new side job he just picked up with so-and-so, its very interesting…” and walk back to the kitchen for another piece of pie!

dear david
I have a 23 year old son with bipoler. he goes to the doctors when he feels like it 2 x a year.he is suppose to take lithem, but he does when he feels like. This has been going on for 7 years. I give up!! I can’t handle the episodes. I;m on egg shells all the time. I just want to leave him and husband, to get out of the situation. ANY ADVICE?
sHIREY

Hi there
Thanks for the tip.
I told a lie today – I’m not great – I’m getting high for Xmas – it happens every year.
I’ll work out some one liners
Kind regards
Alison

I totally believe in telling the truth at all times. Experience has taught me that leaving out a great deal of detail does work best, as you too have found! Most people I know aren’t equipped to deal with the whole story and tend to give advice that I can’t use as a supporter anyway! So, I try to pick out what I can say, like “(my husband) hasn’t been feeling well, but I’m praying”…This is hard, because he doesn’t want me talking about his illness, and I need to! Prayer is helping, though. Basically every holiday involves his not “feeling well” but Thanksgiving did go well, even though he and my daughter had colds!

hello this is late, thanksgiving was a crash. i found myself alone.
family invite but called no answered their phones, i really only hear from them when they what money. so i took my favorite drug.
i’m still here. no matter what med
you still get depressed, most of the time it’s family related. i wish i had some friends, honest drugfree, i had two friends but they died happy thanksgivinglate