==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it.
Hope you have a great day if you do.
What a day yesterday was. I had 11 very angry
people to deal with. It never fails. On
each holiday, a small group of people who
aren’t doing well with bipolar disorder,
lash out at me.
You know how holidays can be difficult for those
with bipolar disorder? Well imagine me 100,000+
people on a mailing list and some who have
my phone numbers. Some not on medicaton and
mad. Some who target poor me 🙂
So after spending hours on the phone, I got
it worked out with the angry people. I decided
today I will not even look at any emails
or check voicemails because last year
I had 3 people leaving me all kinds of
well hateful messages.
As a side note, I remmeber one person went
off his bipolar medications, called me seriously
20 times demanding I call him back and tell
him who signed him up to my mailing list or
else he was going to “get” and “report” me
to “the government.” He actually did and
I had 100% proof. But I had to bother
Andrea and Pascale (who handle
this kind of stuff) to get the proof.
Okay enough with the stories.
Well, I am going to make this quick because I have a whole
lot of things to do today. I actually have
to work today. I guess I work everyday 🙂
I have many new projects related to bipolar
disorder that I am working on. I will post
information on them over the coming weeks.
Okay again, today is Thanksgiving for US
people.
I want to give out some good pointers for
today if you are a bipolar supporter
or bipolar survivor:
-Try not to stress to much.
-Don’t argue with family members over
things that aren’t worth arguing about
-Change the subject, tell a bipolar white lie (
talked about in yesterday’s daily email),
-Remember if you have an emergency related
to bipolar disorder and you can’t find your
doctor or therapist. You can always call
911 or emergency services
-Have fun
-Eat a lot
-Don’t drink alcohol 🙁
-Exercise tomorrow 🙂
If you are by yourself today, you can
go and volunteer at a local soup kitchen
or homeless shelter.
I REALLY enjoy doing this. I am actually
going to do this much more in 2009. I
have met some of the nicest people in
these places. Plus you are helping people.
Or you can do productive things like read, watch
a documentary on TV, plan out your goals
for 2009, etc.
I know that there are many on my list that
don’t have anyone to eat with. If you were
local to me and I would invite you over.
Last year I talked about doing a big
group Thanksgiving for those that didn’t
have anywhere to go and were local to me.
Unfortunately I just ran out of time
to plan and can’t do it. Maybe next year.
With bipolar disorder alone I have 14 different
projects going on just right now not to mention
I have to do a lot of “holiday stuff.”
Speaking of holidays, there’s no question that
holidays can be tough with bipolar disorder. In
my courses/ systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I talk a lot about holidays and how to
prevent and handle bipolar episodes that
occurring during them.
There’s no question that this time of year
is probably the toughest of the year. Between
now and like February. The middle of January
is tough as well. Most people don’t realize
this. I talk about why I think this is
in my course/systems above.
In January I am going to be sending out
more tips on what to look out for.
One thing that’s kind of cool is that some
people have been on my list for 2 years now
so they are following along so to speak.
Yesterday I had written about the fact my
brother has disowned my mom, my dad and my
self. Many people have written to ask why.
I really don’t know exactly. I think when
it’s all said and done, my brother is mad
at my mom for having bipolar disorder.
Then I think he is mad at my dad and myself
because we aren’t mad at my mom for having
bipolar disorder. I doubt he would admit
this but that’s what I strongly believe.
Anyway, there’s nothing that I can do.
Last year Thanksgiving was a nightmare. My
mom and dad waited to the last second thinking
my brother would invite us over. I knew he
wouldn’t. Well the last second came and
he never did. My parents were not prepared
and he had to go to a random place to eat
because we didn’t have any reservations.
It was only the three of us. It was kind of
sad because normally at Thanksgiving there is
like 20 people.
This year I am proud of my mom. She was
proactive and decided to make Thanksgiving
with my dad and to invite several people over.
If you are wondering if my mom is going into
an episode and cooking and inviting people
over because she is “manic” I believe the answer
is no. I already thought of that :). I checked
it all out and she is right in line with
all her “bipolar success variables” in her
“bipolar stability equation.”
I think it’s good. Here’s the way I look at
it. If my brother doesn’t ever want to talk
to us ever again fine. That’s his choice. My
mom shouldn’t sit around and dwell on it.
She should move forward and be proactive.
By her having her own Thanksgiving and inviting
people over she can be in control and instead
of being in the mercy of someone else. Plus
now there will be more people at Thanksgiving
making it similar to what my brother normally
would have.
I think this is a great idea and like I always
teach you, I checked it out with the doctor
and therapist to see what they thought.
Hey, that’s another important lesson. My mom
took her plan to her doctor AND therapist and
got their “okay.” My mom takes everything to
her doctor and therapist which is great.
Learn from her. She is doing great and has been
for a while. When you hear the things she is
doing, you should model them too.
Well hey I have to run. I have to do a bunch
of work before I drive to my parents house.
Have a great day today and see you tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will be sending out the bipolar news.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
dave,
that is wonderful about your mom taking control of thanksgiving dinner.having friends and family together is what it is all about.to bad your brother does not see it that way.i am looking forward to this afternoons event . i am still a little leary.(panic attacks)come up at the worse time among groups of people.i am still learning how to control them..
happy thanksgiving to you and your family.and to every that reads dave’s wonderful tips.
Wow Dave– Just catching up with your emails from the last couple days.. what great guidelines !!! I tend to be a “truth teller” and actually about a month ago realized i was really stressing my mother-in-law by telling her too much and when she asked about my daughter, i said, “you know she seems to hav really turned the corner”. Now she has, but she’s sure far from stabilized, but the major deep depression has lifted and her mania doesn’t seem to go as high before she catches it and is able to control it. Now mom in law heard “cured” and was in tears with joy… shoot i wasn’t going to burst her bubble.
So daughter has lots of invites and was really over whelmed last night. Good news.. she went to talk with supportive friends and came home, well actually a little more shakey, but ultimately in control and able to think logically and make decisions.
I’m hopefully the day may go by with mini bumps that may not be so bad.. lol. Is it bad to be the ultimate optimist ? Well it helps.
Actually I read something somewhere that suggests the holiday crazies start around Halloween. I paid attention and i think they’re right… it helped to sort of be prepared for my own roller coaster emotions related to juggling relatives, friends, my bipolar daughter and somehow finding a way to actually enjoy the holidays.
Am feeling shakey with Christmas coming up.. that will be the one year anniversary of “THE EPISODE” that began this journey. I sure thought by now, she’d be back to normal.. lol. Ignorance is such bliss… and i’m a mental health professional !!!!!
Recently got a conference invite to Bipolar Spectrum Illnesses: Keys to Recognition and Best Treatments. Am kind of thinking of asking daughter if she wants to go.. it sounds like a ton of informationi packed into a one day seminar that comes with a manual.
This is done by PESI.com so you can look it up on line… it really is geared for professionals and is $175 and in Wisconsin before you get too excited !!!
Hope everyone finds some peace and is able to sit back and think about what they are “thankful” or “grateful” for.
This year, I’m so incredibly grateful that we both survived this last year… there were several times that was in doubt. Constant stress can leave your body set up for a ton of stress related diseases… so do take care of yourselves.
I’d add my own “how to” to Dave’s with the idea that that dang stomach flu can hit suddenly and hard and NO ONE wants someone with stomach flu at their thanksgiving dinner (wink wink wink) >G< One of those lil white lies that can save the day. ((hugs)) i’ll be thinking of you all.. hoping and praying you can find a way to enjoy.
Happy Thanksgiving and just want you to know that there are a lot of us who are thankful for folks like you who help us with our bipolar family members.
God bless you and your family, including your brother,
Bonnie
i came home from work last saturday and my wife took the dogs her computer and a bunch of her clothes and i have not seen her since yes i have talked to her own the phone but she refuses to tell anyone where shes at or who she is with. I just wish there was a way to get her back home and stable again. cause this could very well be the breaking point of our
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ONE AND ALL! TODAY HAS BEEN ONE OF THE ROUGHEST HOLIDAYS OF THE YEAR GOING BACK SOME 40 YEARS. THE UPSIDE IS THAT NOW I HAVE A FAMILY(WIFE,DAUGHTER,SON AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER)THAT LOVES ME FOR THE UNIQUE PERSON I AM. FURTHER MORE ON THE UPSIDE I CAN REALLY SAY THAT I LOVE MY FAMILY WITH ALL MY HEART. I COULD TITILATE A FEW OF YOU WITH SUCCESS STORIES THAT WOULD WARM EVEN THE COLDEST HEART.I HAVE AN EXTENDED FAMILY THAT HAVE CARRIED GRUDGES FOR THIRTY FIVE YEARS. WHY HOLD A GRUDGE SO LONG? IT IS MY OPINION THAT THEY MAY WELL BE STRICKEN WITH ON-SET BIPOLAR DISORDER AND THE OTHER REASON THAT SINCE I HAVE HAD IT FOR 40 YEARS THEY CAN NOT QUITE HANDLE THE CONCEPT OF MY BIPOLAR DISORDER BEING MANAGED THANKS TO DAVE OLIVER. TRULY I TRY THE BEST I CAN TO INVITE THEM TO MY HOUSE FOR THE HOLIDAYS BUT I NEVER GET A SIMPLE NOTE THAT THEY CAN NOT MAKE IT. DOES THIS MAKE MY LIFE INCOMPLETE? NO! I’LL TRY AGAIN AT CHRISTMAS THAT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DREAM ABOUT. I’VE HEARD OTHER FRIENDS SAY THAT LET THEM COME TO ME. THERE IS ALOT THAT FRIENDS CAN DO TO FILL THE VOID THAT HAPPENS AROUND THE HOLIDAYS BUT THEY NEVER CAN REPLACE FAMILY. ALTHOUGH MY FATHER AND MY MOTHER WERE ASHAMED OF ME AT THIER DEATHS I CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT I CAN MAKE MY WAY IN THIS WORLD AND LATER IN THE SPIRIT WORLD. JAMES
Thank you for your continuous stream of support David! I am grateful for your insight and messages. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your mom 🙂 for w/o her bipolar situation we would not get the benefit of her trials and successes.
Happy thanksgiving, Dave! God bless you and your family. That includes your brother.
Dave,
I have been reading your emails now for over a month, I am tring to understand and find some hope. My mother is bipolar, and shuts everyone else out of her life except one person(at a time). She has disowned her whole family, including her daughter, me. We all love her, miss her, don’t have a clue how to help her, she doesn’t believe she has a problem, everyone else does. Any advice or ideas would be wonderful. Everything we have tried for many years has just made things worst, we need a new direction. Hoping there is help?
Dave, You wnder why your brother has disowned you all. Have you considered that he may be the poor beggar to have inherited your Mum’s BD gene? I have observed that people who recognise things in themselves that that scare them in other people, they cut themselvers off from those people. I did this myself, when I first found a girlfriend had full blown Manic Depression. I saw too much in myself that was similar to her, but I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I might be Bi Polar. I just cut myself off from her and all the others “of her kind” in the hospital where she was staying. It was a survival response because the experience of visiting her I new was triggering something in me – probably BD! (It was years afterwards that I was finally diagnosed. It took a near Life extinguishing experience for me to finally go and see a doctor.)
It is sad about family members. My daughters are kind of tired to what their Dad-my husband-has put us all throught. He is now after many years, and knowing that his family is at the point of leaving him-me included-that is taking control and responsibility for his disease. We have been through a lot and I reached the point I said seek help and do this or you will be alone-totally. I think you must do this.
We had a great day-22 people at our house and he enjoyed and so did we. We will try to work with him since he is being proactive. I, too, know the pain when your children turn their backs-I do know why though. I hope and pray he will continue to do what is needed.He does know the consequences if not. Glad your mother is doing well and being proactive, too.
Dave
I have only recently stumbled on to your web site as my son 13 is borderline bipolar and I have depression and anxiety attacks. I was looking for answers as in Australia there is nothing. You have helped me so much, so much more than you can imagine. Your emails give me and my son hope. My marriage did not survive his last explosion. but your tips help me help him and also I use them myself. Thank you Thank you.
Dear Dave,
I am a bipolar supporter. I enjoy your daily emails & support system tremendously as it provides a lot of useful information & insight on bipolar disorder.
One thing that I do not quite understand is how adverse you seem to be towards nutritional supplements. There is a company called Truehope that has a formula that thousands of people are using for bipolar, anxiety & depression that IS WORKING. There are several doctors & phyciatrists on board & Health Canada & the USDA have tried lawsuits against the compny to no avail, because the product works & it is all based on having the correct formula within the supplements.
Please take a look at this product because there are several success stories from people with bipolar that are so happy to have found this program & be off the drugs & out of the drug “fog”. They are leading normal lives with no or few episodes of mania & depression.
This week I’ve been in total meltdown over Thanksgiving. It goes back to my childhood – long story. Ususally I like to stay home, sleep most of the day, maybe watch some TV. This way I can handle it. But on Tues. my son called and wanted to come for Thanksgiving. I couldn’t tell him no= for all of his life he has spent the holiday with his Dad, who moved out of state this year. So I told him to come (we were all going to eat at my boyfriend’s son and his family’s house). Then my son calls and says he wants to come on Wednesday. I’m thinking there’s no way I’ll get through this (my son doesn’t know how severe my bipolar is and I haven’t wanted to get into it with him). We made plans for him to come at 5:00pm on Wednesday; I had to get the house cleaned up and get his bedclothes washed, etc. Then on Wed. he called and wanted to come eariler because he has nothing to do. I tried to tell him that 5pm would be better, and he got pissed off. He ended coming late, and had already eaten when we had plans to go out to eat. That night I talked to him about my BP, trying to get him to understand why I didn’t want him to come early on Wed. because I wasn’t doing well and didn’t want him to know. I told him I was very anxious and hadn’t been functioning well and, as my son, he may as well know. He didn’t get it at all. He said “Well, I have to do all the things you do and I work and go to school”, (I no longer work – on disability”. He said “What’s the problem? Why don’t you just act normal and do the things you have to do.” I tried to explain to him that it was a disease; he just didn’t get it. Today I slept late and we all went over to my boyfriend’s family’s for dinner. My son was really sullen. Then tonight he just went off on me, pissed that I didn’t want him to come early on Wed., pissed because I was making “excuses for everything.” He was really pissed and left in a huff. I asked him to stay and work through this and he said “I’m not going to give you any resolution.” I don’t get why he was so mad – I didn’t insult him or say anything mean to him. Now I know he talked to my other son (in college in another city) tonight, and I know he’ll tell him the whole story. Dave said a couple of days ago that his brother is mad at his Mom because of her bipolar disorder. I think that’s what’s happening. And I know my other son won’t accept my mental illness; he “doesn’t believe in it.” I’m freaking out. Last Christmas I had a meltdown situation with my other son, and it took half the year before he would even speak to me again. I have a feeling all that work is now for naught. I think they both hate me now. And I don’t feel like I can live with this situation. Without my sons my life means nothing. Oh, I HATE the holidays!!!!! Sue
Dave I love reading your mails. They are a lot of help. I wonder though what do one tell others about you being bipolar? I was diagnosed about two weeks ago. There are many eyebrows lifting at work when I leave to go see the doctor or therapist, without doing too much explaining of course. The thing is I am scared of the stigma associated with being bipolar and because I have a senior position at work with lots of responsibility I am worried that they will stop trusting me. Do you have any advise?
It would not surprise me if food plays SOME part in SOME cases of Bi Polar Disorder – at least, perhaps food can in some cases, cause symptoms that mimic BD. A friend of mine has two boys who will behave in a manic way, totally out of control, if they consume milk or any products containing milk. I am told this is because they have unusualy think walls to their stomachs which allows pure lactose to pass through those walls “untreated” into their blood stream. I gather the effect is something a kin to giving the child Heroin.
Dave,I first want to say thank you for everything in your tips.They seem to help somedays but I’m having no luck in finding help. I know your a busy man but you know alot more than I do about this stuff.I have no insurance and no job and live in south jersey cape may county to be exact.And I need your help in finding help please I don’t know what else to do.I’ve lost everything that is dear me and I need to get this under control.
I am from South Africa and I only found David Oliver’s website yesterday. I was at the height of my desperation. You see, my husband has temporal lobe epilepsy with bipolar. I am still very confused because the bipolar diagnosis has only become clear recently. He took himself off all his medication about 2 months ago and has not yet admitted/recognised that he has a treatable problem. It is great to get hope and real usable tips by reading this forum and David’s emails. Thanks David!
Dave,
Your e-mails have been very informative. I realize that I have to get in touch with my son’s counselor.
My son just packed up his two todlers and left in anger cutting the weekend short.
He has lost his job. His wife is divorcing him. He is sure everyone else is wrong.
None of the family would come this year when they heard he would be here. Today, I told him that no one will come for Christmas if he comes.
I feel terrible about the kids having to go through this.
He is going for counseling and I need to find out who he is seeing. He lives 150 miles away. What suggestions do you have??????????
Sara
Sara
You are ina near impossible situation if your son will not admit to having a problem. It may be that he has more of a problem than BPD, but without being properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist you, or rather he, will never know. And even if he were told, that is no guarantee he would believe the doc or, therefore, take the medicine. However, if you can keep yourself strong enough to stand by him in spite of what he does, or what he says to you that may be horrible, the support you can offer when he starts to recover will give him a better chance of recovering.
The trouble with BD is that is self-dstructive – it causes people with it to isolate themselves from the very people who could support them and aid there recovery from the worst times. If they don’t get the support there is a much greater chance they will end their lives if things get too bad for them. But you must NOT put your own health on the line! This is important because, if you let yourself become ill for want of trying in vain to help your son you won’t be able to help him at all! Look after yourself first and, if he’ll let you, your son second.
First of all, this Thanksgiving, I am VERY thankful to you, Dave, for creating this community of bipolar survivors and supporters who reach out to each other with hope. Because THAT’S what you’ve given us, with the stories about how well your mother is doing now.
I am sorry to hear that your brother has “disowned” your mother. Unfortunately, this happens too often in families with a bipolar survivor. I know one woman whose parents left her ONE DOLLAR in their will when they died because of her spending problems with bipolar. Now, she is living in subsidized housing, on Widow’s benefits and food stamps – and runs out of money AND food by the second week of the month!
I don’t have “family” as such. I was never able to have children, which I guess is a good thing, as I could pass the gene. I don’t have my brother who died of AIDS in 1993. My father died in 1969, and my mother passed in 1991. BUT – I DO have a boyfriend, and I spent Thanksgiving with him and his mother.
We packed up all the food and flowers, and drove to his home about an hour-and-a-half away. I took his mother a harvest arrangement of flowers, and she really enjoyed them. The two of us spent about 2-1/2 hours getting the turkey roll and sides fixed. We then called my boyfriend, and sat down to a WONDERFUL feast. I DID do most of the cooking – his mother is 90! As my boyfriend said, we spent so much time fixing up everything – and the meal was decimated in 1/2 hour!
I will be seeing my biological mother for her 82 birthday in December in TX. I’ll write more about that later, as I feel a LOT of anxiety about the traveling. I will fly, but the connecting flight from Dallas to Austin worries me – only 45 min between the time I reach Dallas and the time I catch the flight to Austin. Everyone says you have to check in an hour before the flight leaves!
I hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving, and look forward to a calm and peaceful Christmas.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors, and the ones who love them. My prayers are with you.