Hi,
How’s it going today?
I saw this child in the grocery store the other day with his mother.
Now, this kid couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5.
Usually, kids that age are tugging on mom’s sleeve, wanting this or that, screaming or yelling, and causing general havoc to everyone around them.
What made this child different was that he was just walking down each aisle looking at everything like he was amazed, like everything was brand new to him – like he was seeing everything for the very first time!
When I go to the grocery store, I just go in and get what I need, and leave, don’t you?
I’ve been there so many times, that it’s just a chore for me.
How could anyone possibly find it exciting and new?
But remember, now, I’m an adult, and things like grocery stores no longer hold any allure for me.
Maybe I’m just getting old… LOL
But I kept thinking about this child even as I left the grocery store and went on with my errands.
For some reason, he had left a big impression upon me.
What if we could all stay like that child?
What if we still looked at life that way?
Like everything was still new and exciting…
Like there was wonder and awe in little things…
New things to still explore and delight in…
Instead of being “adult” and “mature” about everything, so grown-up that we forget how to be a child and just enjoy life?
Just because your loved one has bipolar disorder doesn’t mean you have to lose the perspective of a child.
Just because they have bipolar disorder doesn’t mean you can’t still be happy.
Just because they have bipolar disorder doesn’t mean you have to go around like you have this chip on your shoulder all the time.
In my courses/systems below, I talk about the hope you can have that your loved one can become high-functioning – that if they stick to their treatment plan, they can have stability:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Having bipolar disorder isn’t the end
of your life.
You can still have a “normal” life between episodes.
In fact, you should be living as normal a life as possible so that stability becomes a reality and there are fewer episodes in your loved one’s life.
I’m not saying to go bungie-jumping or anything just to have excitement in your life, but there are other things you can do to make your life enjoyable in spite of the bipolar disorder.
It’s all in your attitude!
Think about that child in the grocery store.
What made him different than other kids his age?
His wonderment at the things around him!
You can have that same wonderment again.
Try to see the beauty in the things around you.
Enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
Be grateful each day that your loved one is not in an episode.
Do things together that you both enjoy.
These things don’t have to be complicated, extravagant, or expensive.
I know a couple who both have bipolar disorder. And one of the things they both enjoy doing is playing board games together, like backgammon.
They enjoy just being together and talking. About “everything” and “nothing,” they say.
One of the greatest pleasures in life is simple companionship.
Having family around you.
Going through old photographs.
Watching the birds in your backyard.
Seeing a movie together.
Reading books side by side.
Cooking a meal together.
Going on a date (no matter how long you’ve been together).
Watching the rain (or snow) fall outside your window.
Take a lesson from the child in the grocery store.
Try to see the world from a child’s perspective again, and you’ll be much happier. Don’t let bipolar disorder steal your joy!
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Hi Dave,
You have a great point today. We often get lost in the rush and hustle and bustle of life and forget to just enjoy it. What I do is take my car on a drive in the country down a windy road. Now mind you, I have emergency bright orange pylons in-case I or someone else breaks down around one of those corners because there is not very many places to pull off the road because it is hilly terrain. If someone or I did break down some one could come flying around one of those corners and cause and accident. But life is like this, I heard somewhere “Plan for the best, but be prepared for the worst” I would just add, “But expect something in-between.
It is all too easy to forget to have fun, but laughing, having fun with family is what de-stresses us. It is the anti-stress-idote. : ) I used to be all pressured, stressed out and frustrated, but I have learned that having fun is not just another part of life, it “is” LIFE! It is what makes life worth living. If we fail to have fun, we fail to enjoy life. How can you enjoy life if you’re not having fun? Anyone can have fun. We make time to go to work, household duties, wash the car, etc. why not make time to have fun everyday? Spice up life with fun, no matter how you spell it… It can be free, and like you said, it is a matter of perspective too. We can choose to be happy or choose to be upset in most cases. Unless something terrible happens of-course, but overall we can choose to be happy and optimistic or pessimistic, they are both free… So why not take the happy road?
Thanks Dave,
Bob
DEAR DAVID, THERE YOU GO AGAIN, PRAISING THE GUILTY AND CONDEMING THE SUPPORTER,,, I AM TIRED OF THIS ILLNESS BEING A COP OUT FOR HURTING PEOPLE, AND VIOLENTLY ABUSING PEOPLE…. I HAVE A DAUGHTER IN LAW WHO GETS AWAY WITH EVERYTHING,,,, SHE GOT AWAY WITH BEING ARRESTED FOR ASSAULTING MY SON,,, AND SLANDERING ME ,,,, AND HURTING MY LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER,, THERE ARE TWO GRANDBABIES INVOLVED WITH THIS PERSON…. AND I JUST FEEL, QUIT PATTING THEM ON THE SHOULDER AND SAYING, ITS OKAY, ITS NOT OKAY……………………..THANK YOU….
David,
I have a 35 yo husband who is untreated bp and doing fairly well. I also have and 11yo son and a 4yo son with bipolar. My 11yo also has Asperger’s and ADHD. My 4yo also has ADHD. I am noticing that there seems to be a trilogy of symptons with this diagnosis. All are doing pretty well at the moment. My 11yo is in a self-contained class at school and is mainstreamed with a para for 2 classes. Luckily I live in a school district that is very supportive to special needs children. My 11yo has been hospitalized many times until we started him on clozapine and even though I thought this was a scary drug at first and continue to be vigilant, he is doing fantastic! Most people who have never met him don’t even know about his disability. As for my 4yo, we are just getting started with him. Neither child can take the stimulant meds usually prescribed for the ADHD as it makes them rapid cycle so we are trying other meds and of course lots of behavior modification. Slowly my little guy is getting better. I just want to let parents know that with lots of hard word and an excellent team, progress is possible. Day to day is hard but one day you will look back and realize how far things have come. THERE IS HOPE! Look for the small victories to carry you through the hard times. These are great kids and deserve all the help we can give them.
Angela Kamp
Hi David,
I really like this tidbit, my son has been on a manic episode for the past few days even on medication and looking a life as a child is what he does all the time he has more than just bi polar, he is special to me. He does not understand things like we do and when we go to the store he is always in the toys and fishing section looking for hours at everything. I guess taking time to smell the roses and do things special every day for every bad day think of the good is what keeps me going. When I feel lost because I don’t know how to help him or understand what he is feeling I look back to the day I saw his face for the first time and thanked God for the wonderful gift. That is what he is a wonderful gift. I am also president of my local chapter of NAMI (National Alliance for Mentally Ill) a non paid position because I want to help others who go through what I am going through, may I publish your article in my bulletin for others to read.
Sincerely
Anne
Dear Dave,
Although your letter was quite upbeat and positive, there are times when we bp’s JUST CAN’T get out of our depression. I remember reading tons of positive thinking books, books on depression and being a guinea pig for my doctor for how many anti-depressants she could try on me. None worked, they were all SRI’s (serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) and when I finally switched to a different doctor due to a move (I thought change in location was going to cure my depression,)I was diagnosed as Bipolar. I didn’t realize that writing a 57 page hate letter to my mom, and a 29 page letter to my brother were symptoms of a manic episode.
I thought I was just getting my “real” feelings out. But after those letters, I was right back into a depression. I was afraid to go shopping and luckily (or unluckily for her) my daughter was 16 and could drive. She would go do the grocery shopping. I was afraid to check my mailbox because of all the bills I couldn’t pay. I would stay up nights at a time, smoking and reading. (In my garage where it was freezing cold.)
Sometimes I would drop off to sleep with a cigarette in my hand. Blankets and all kinds of clothes with cigarette burns on them. I’m very lucky I didn’t start a fire or burn myself. I am now a non-smoker. The new doctor put me on a SNRI (serotonin-norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor) Which allows more serotonin and norepinephrine to circulate in your brain. 3 days later I felt like a new person. I was also treated at the same time for narcotic withdrawal. Because my previous doctor’s had gotten me hooked on Vicodin, Oxycontin, and Morphine. To treat the pain and get me off the narcotics with NO WITHDRAWALS, they used a drug called Subutex. Only certain doctors are allowed to prescribe this medication. This is truly a healing story, but I know the immovability of Depression. You don’t want to go anywhere, you’re uncomfortable if someone wants to take you somewhere. It’s just plain awful. I’m so glad I’m now on the right medications, and living a fairly normal life. For the first time in 11 years, I went to a mixer for a volunteer group just the other night and I felt very comfortable, and I am going to join this volunteer group. Time to give back.
Teri
I have Bipolar and I do live a normal live…I have accepted it and moved on….I don’t do “poor me” sniff sniff. Its like every other illiness, you got, then learn to live with it…
As the child story, I’m 43 and I am still very child like, my doctor loves that about me, that I never really grew up, there is something exciting out there for me always.
I have my ups and downs, like all of us do, what I do is just move on…I don’t let this illiness run my life, it made me who I am today…and I have no worries about tomorrow, one day at a time.
My heart does go out to families that have someone with
Bipolar, some of my family still don’t get it, its been over 12 years since I was diagnosed, and they seem not even willing to learn about it….sad.
Well I’m off
hugs
Dori
This is a very nice story with a valid message. However as I sit here with tears streaming down my face it is not much help or consolation. After a lot of research and 8 years together I am sure as I can be without being a doctor that mu husband is bipolar. His episodes, particularly manic are getting worse. He does not accept he has a condition. I am an emotional wreck, I feel totally out of my depth, I don’t know what to do. It is like watching someone you love press self destruct button (he is going out late drinking and eating badly making things worse) while spitting in my face. I am not sure I can carry on this emotional abuse, even for the good times. I am so tired and feel very alone.
“Less you are like one of these (little children), you cannot enter the Kingdom of God.” I’m afraid that I, at almost 61, am STILL very child-like in my view of the world. I look for NEW ways at looking at things, and keep the “wonder” of life. I was diagnosed 40 years ago, with 3 hospitalizations (all in my 20s), I have learned how to manage my bipolar, instead of IT managing ME.
For example, I was put on Enablex for my bladder condition 10 days ago – and it did NOT mix well with my antipsychotics. I felt as if I had a “cloud” in my head, and I DIDN’T feel like my “normal” self. It also lowered my BP to 102/52, leaving me dizzy and confused. I called my psychiatrist and left a message. I have NOT taken that new medicine since last Friday, and hope that my doctor will say I don’t have to. Unfortunately, the condition I’m taking it to treat, has come back : (. One has to be SO careful when introducing new medications to a regimen that is WORKING…
To get back to the subject – I maintain an optimistic attitude, a can-do attitude, all of which make the bipolar a little less hopeless than it already is. Having the diagnosis IS scary – but I’m a SURVIVOR, and though I can’t BEAT it, I can “maintain.”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
SUZANNE, it’s your childlikeness that always draws me to your writings on this blog. The scripture you quoted was the one that came to my mind.
People have called me a survivor, too. But I have always found that term annoying. The image the word “survivor” brings to my mind is: of someone half dead dragging their self up from a deep, dark pit with no hope of future success, just surviving. Yes, at times my spirit has felt that, but…
…when you have gotten through a difficult life challenge, that seemed there was no way out, doesn’t it feel more like “we are MORE THAN CONQUERERS THROUGH CHRIST”? Just like a child there are going to be times we need a little help.
When I read the details you’ve shared about your life; survivor, maybe but “more than a conquerer”, DEFINITELY! Kudos to you for your dedication to this blog!
May God Bless All~in Jesus’ name
Vicky
It is great to be able to maintain as normal a life as possible especially when you are a rapid cycler. I have been told by people who love and care about me that I belong to the if it don’t kill ya it will make you strong club. I tried to admit myself to IOP at Princeton House on Friday because I am struggling with a pretty tough down cycle, and the psychiatrist there said how can we meet your needs. Ya know, I really couldn’t tell her. I explained to her how I got my self there after sleeping most of the last 3 weeks away. I self prescribed provigil which I ordered online from another country due to the expence, and I must budget my medication as the regular medication I take plus mood stabilizer eats up most of the $10,000. a year I am allowed. It’s an emergency med that I know will not adversly interfere with my meds and as long as I am very careful with it and do not allow my self to cycle up and watch very carefully for hypomanic flags I can be awake. This is not what a doctor would tell you to do
but tweaking my med is the only thing that has worked for me. Her coment was you can manage to put a smile on anything can’t you. My medication management person is aware that I do this, and I do not do it without emailing her first. If she is strongly opposed she will tell me,however in our 3 year relationship, of working together and very many medication failures, we have learned together, that I am pretty responsible in doing whatever it takes to get myself out of a depression cycle. I can’t stay there. It takes up too much of my life and my poor husband is uneducated in bipolar stuff.
He just deals with the ups and downs as best as he can.
I am not violent, or mean or nasty. I am either sleeping or very busy and active, and creative.. Unfortunately I do get a spending problem if I get too high. Then the poor guy bails me out. I have taken every step I can think of to make credit cards, payday loans, ect. unavailable to myself. I even got rid of my debit card and checking account. I have never over stepped or used joint funds. I hope I never do. I wrote to your company asking for assistance is getting the ebook about being married to someone with bipolar but just got a form letter telling me to send a check or money order. I asked for permission,to use joint funds because I wanted the book for my husband. Not the program, just the ebook, and he(my husband) said no, it’s just a rip off, People always talk me into ordering things. He doesn’t realize how much help there is out there for him. Right now I do not have access to funds of my own because I am awaiting a state disability check. I am not working. Just wanted to add that comment because I beleive my reqest went into a pile and no one at leverage even read it. It’s a shame because I have ordered very helpful materials in the past when I did have my own money. I would really love to be able to offer something to help him . He’s been so very patinet with me, but so very nieve about what this disorder is like.
hey the story about the guy that got shot….I wear a medical alert bracelet, with Bipolar on the back..So if anything happens, if I’m manic…or in an accident they will know that I have this and I am on medication…I heard so many Bipolar people end up in jail when manic,
with the bracelet,they can take you to the hospital instead of jail. Lots of Bipolar people I know love the idea…
just a thought….
hugs
Dori
Bi-Polar is a GREAT GIFT.
The Disorder is what I got from the psych. & its Vile Abuse, with Deceribating “Meds” and the psychs. attitude…
If you want the facts contact me little one.
Dave: This is Chuck from Traverse City, Mi. I missed several days of emails because of computer problems. Your analogy is very excellent. I am 69 but still in many ways feel like a young person. I never give up
hope of a better life. I read your email om Sunday about the person that died as a result of his illness. This is very tragic. My heart goes out to his family. Again Dave, keep up the good work. Chuck Lessard
Dear David,
This is my first “blog” or “posting” or whatever you call it on your site. I have a 34-year-old daughter who is bipolar, and has been for about 15 years, although she has just now started on meds and counseling. She (and everyone around her) finally were at our wits end. She’s a sweet, loving woman with an eight year old daughter (my sweet granddaughter) and surprisingly has made it this far without treatment. (I am on depression meds and anti-anxiety meds, but my daughter was only on depression meds for about the last couple of years.) Her illness literally made me sick–physically and mentally because for all these years, I have blamed myself for her actions. “She was spoiled,” “we gave her too much,” “she never had to face up to the consequences of her actions,” “she was very dependent,” and she and I, I have learned are truly, “co-dependent.”
I know this is way too much information on this one site. I will try and write more as I read more through your emails.
I truly want to learn how to be happy again, and so does my daughter. I want to see life the way that little boy sees it–with eyes of wonder about the little things in life. I hope this journey I’m starting online can help. Just writing this down has helped me feel better.
Thank you for being there.