Hi,
I hope you’re having a good day today.
Hey I wanted to clear something up.
I wrote the other day that I wanted to send out daily bipolar emails later on some days.
Some people though that I was going to only to send a few a week instead of daily. This is NOT the case.
What I am considering doing is sending three emails a week later than normal.
Meaning I would send them out later in the day like around 10am or 11:00am EST.
Make sense?
Okay, I had a disturbing conversation the other day, and I wanted to tell you about it.
I was at a support group meeting (you know I volunteer at a lot of them in different places), and a girl came up to me after the meeting and we started talking.
She said that she’s afraid to make any plans or do anything or go anywhere.
I asked her why.
She said that she was afraid of having an episode.
I told her that most people with bipolar disorder only have only one or two episodes a year.
She said, “Yes, but I never know when that episode is going to happen.”
I tried to tell her that hiding out, not doing anything or making any plans wasn’t going to help her or her disorder.
She seemed to get defensive, and I didn’t want her to get mad at me, but I still thought she should know more.
I said, “You need to learn more about bipolar disorder. It might help you.”
I guess she got mad at me anyway, because she just walked away.
But I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I think she didn’t know enough about bipolar disorder to understand that staying home hiding from the rest of the world can actually HURT you and can make your disorder worse!
To say nothing about how frustrating it can be to your supporter and your relationship with them.
In my courses/systems, I teach that you just can’t live in fear of when the next episode is going to strike. If you are managing your bipolar disorder correctly, then you should have no fear.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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I really didn’t mean to offend this girl, but maybe she just didn’t understand what I was trying to say, or maybe I just said it the wrong way.
If so, I’m sorry. But I really don’t want people with bipolar disorder to be misinformed. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I started bipolarcentral.com and started sending out these daily emails. I want people
to have the best information possible. Hiding out at home, not doing things outside the home, not going anywhere, not doing anything enjoyable, and living with the fear of when the next episode is going to strike is like living in a bipolar prison.
It’s like waiting to die!
And bipolar disorder is NOT a life sentence!
So many people are living quite normal lives even though they have bipolar disorder. That’s what I really wanted to tell this girl.
Figure it this way:
Say you or your loved one didn’t have bipolar disorder.
But you know that flu season comes around every year, right?
So you probably do the smart thing and get your yearly flu shot, like most people.
But do you live the rest of the year in fear of getting the flu?
Does it keep you hiding inside, afraid to go outside?
Does it keep you from having a normal social life?
Does it keep you from seeing friends and family?
Does it keep you from doing the things you enjoy?
Does it keep you from making plans?
Does it keep you bound up in fear? That’s the main question.
No one ever said that you or your loved one won’t have another episode. You/they probably will, in fact.
But if you’re doing the things you need to do to manage the disorder, there’s no reason that you should not expect to live a normal, healthy, successful, productive life despite the fact that you or they have bipolar disorder.
Many, many people do.
They don’t live in fear of the disorder, and they don’t let it control their lives.
They don’t hide from the disorder, but they don’t let it make them hide from the rest of the world, either.
If they did, they would isolate at home, and isolation is a trigger to depression, and depression to a bipolar depressive episode.
And you don’t want that, do you?
What do you think about this?
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Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Your most recent mail just received refers to hiding away for fear of having an EPISODE. I have been classified Bipolar 2 for 10 years, and depressed for 10 years before that, and I have never heard of having ”an episode”. What/Where/Why/How/When???????
I wanted to respond to the girl who is afraid to go out. I was that way until I was put on the right medications. I was unable to work for 5 years but am happy to say I have had a full time job for the last 2 years. I do occasionally have a mood swing of sorts but nothing like before. I am once again enjoying going to my sons soccer games and other events without feeling uncomfortable. People don’t even realize I am bi-polar unless I tell them. That is a boost to my confidence as well.
I agree. I was little confused as well as to having “an episode.” Was the person referring to a panic attack?
The issue you bring up, however, has been at the forefront of my mind for several weeks. I also tend to hide out and it is VERY bad for me because I am unnacountable to anyone. I slip further and further into myself and my anxious,obsessive thoughts which only make me want to hide out more. I criticize myself relentlessly- things I say, what I do, the way I look.
Some days, I do go places when I am in a “bad” space and compare myself to friends who seemingly breeze through the world with confidence and it is painful to me because I feel even more like a mess. When I’m bad I dread spontaneity because I don’t know if it will overwhelm me and I’ll become irritable and tense and be mean to myself and beat myself up. I see other people out enjoying life and wonder why I can’t be more “fun.”
Other days when I go out, I feel much better. The conversations are not difficult. I handle things well and I get a lot done.
The months between October and March seem to be my worst (I guess this is a very common phenomenon according to my doctor). I feel like I am running in front of a train and am barely able to keep out of it’s way. Every day feels like a struggle. Maybe that is what the person meant by “an episode.” Sometimes the train runs me over too and I’d rather be alone when that happens. The meds do help, sleeping regularly etc. but med dosage is an art. The only way to know you need to change it is if you start getting worse and sometimes that process takes a couple of weeks to realize. But that time in between is the brutal part and a lot of damage can be done during that time.
My friend is 43 has bipolar and m scared for her as she lives on own in small studio in London. I currently live in west country. Can anyone advise me how to help her. replies to john.katon@btinternet.com would be welcome with open arms. Thanks J
Thanks Dave again for the information & work your doing. I can understand being afraid & your right about not letting fear control us.My fear is focused in another direction however.I’ve found out in the past year that if I tell people I’m BP they kinda freak out & think I’m going to go crazy on the spot & kill someone.They start asking me if I’m ok & they start treating me different.I realize it’s because of a lack of understanding about the disorder but it really puts me on the spot & makes me feel weird & self concious where a minute before I felt normal.I’ve even met some really nice people & thought I was making a new friend & when they find out I’m BP,I never hear from them again.I also had a job that was going pretty well until they found out I was BP.I was under a microscope & any mistake I made was blamed on my condition.That’s so sad & disheartning.I then had a relationship for about a yr. & when it fell apart because I caught him cheating,he slammed me up against the wall & then told the cops I was violent with him.He said she’s crazy,she’s bipolar.Then even the officers started treating me different even though I was VERY calm & not in an episode.They watched every move I made & kept asking me if I had any weapons. I was then instructed to “Sit down & shut up!” They didn’t even want to hear my side.It was enough for them to view me as the offender because I’m BP.Fortuneately,I wasn’t violent & he had no marks or proof that I did anything to him. I couldn’t prove anything either because my bruises didn’t show until the next day.In short,I’m afraid to tell anyone anymore because of these incidents.People misjudge the disorder & bad people use it against you.I would love to be able to dispel the stigma that accompanys bipolar but I’m not a good advocate.Keep up the good work Dave,Your a great advocate! Thanks & Peace to you all! Sincerly, Wanda
I wanted to respond also to that girl’s fear–I can totally relate to what she’s going through. I had no social life, no job, and I couldn’t even get out of the house to go to school. It wasn’t until I was put on the right medications, by telling the doctor all these symptoms that I can now function. I’m doing all of the above plus some volunteer work. Doctor visits and medications are the key.
Teri
Hi,
I am new to this site and have a 36 year old bipolar son who is having a manic episode and refuses to take the medication. He has been in the hospital for 40 days on 2 different occasions the past 2 months. He gets leveled out, comes home and stops taking the meds. I really need some help in how to deal with this issue. Thanks so much 🙂
Sharri
I had panic attacks around groups of people (i.e., fairs, my son’s high school wrestling matches, parties, even family parties, work meetings, the mall) until I got diagnosed (at age 40). I would only leave house for work, and often used up all my sick days within six months of the year(I have 13 days, plus 11 weeks of vacation). I would only go to the store if my husband went with me, because I was overwhelmed. Once I got a great psychiatrist, the right medication and an understanding counselor, I was able to function. It took about 8 months to achieve stability, but I have been enjoying the freedom to be able to live with bipolar, without it controlling me. I am glad to say, I can take my daughter shopping for a dress, get groceries, attend a support meeting, go out to dinner, etc, by myself. I have only missed 3 days of work from Aug-Jan(usually my worst months-Jan.and Feb. I live in a cold climate). It is just amazing when you control your life, instead of the bipolar!
Boy did this one hit home I have gotten so bad I didn’t even see my children over the holidays. I am definately hiding at home and depressed but there seems to be no where to go or no one to go see. I have withdrawn from even my friends. My daughter has a wedding coming up and all I hear from her is about “my possible behavior” and am so sick of hearing it I doubt I will even attend her wedding. It may be many a year before I even attend another family event. I am safe in my cocoon. That is why I stay in it. I am not hiding out of fear of an attack but because the experiences of my entire life constantly taught me it does no good to even try. Now that my physical health is about gone I feel like my life has been over for some time now and I am just sitting around waiting to die. It helps to know I am not the only one that feels this way. Thank you
Dear Dave,
I am writing about the person who is afraid to go out because of fear of having an episode. I have episodes quite often. I can tell tell when I am manic. my mind races, I stay up all night, I don’t sleep for two or three days and then I crash and sleep for two or three days. My problem is overspending on other people. Rarely myself. I talk to fast and want to make major decisions instantly. I usually think about suicide, i type long emails and watch a lot of TV. I go through these changes every two to three weeks. It is exhausting. Do think there is more to it than BP and Borderline Personality Disorder? I am not afraid to go out but I am afraid to go to the bank sometimes. Everytime I go out I try really hard to work at my faults. I keep my doctor’s appointments and take my meds every day. i am in the middle of weaning off one med and weaning on to two new meds. This is what makes me nervous because it is like a free for all. You don’t knoww from one day to the next how I am going to react. Too many side effects to deal with at once.
Thanks Dave for being here eveery day. I feel a real connection to you about my disorders and feel like a regular person by the way you write your emails. That is greatly appreciated more than you know. Have a great weekend!
I know exactly how this girl is feeling. I’m feeling this way at this very moment. I’m afraid of being around someone else b/c my own family can’t handle my BP. I have 4 kids and only one out of the 4 calls me everyday to see how I’m doing.
My son (35) has a hard time dealing with bad side of BP. Luckly, he doesn’t live in the same town as I do – so he doesn’t see alot of it. My daughter (32) is the one that calls me everyday – same town. My 2 other daughters (20/18), don’t call me anymore. They BP affected them more than the other 2 – I said and did things that were hurtful – but this was before I was diagnoised and put on medication. This was over 1 1/2 yrs ago. The 20 yr old hasn’t forgiven me yet & doesn’t want to do anything about dealing with our relationship. I have apologized over and over again. Don’t really know what to say about the 18 yr old.
My marriage ended up in a divorce – which was final the first part of Dec. 2008. I haven’t been able to find a job for over a year now. Our house went into foreclosure. I now live with my sister & no job. The last 2 daughters live with their father. Now only one lives with him. The 20 yr old got married 12/2008. I thought that me moving out would take the stress off of my family in dealing with my BP – but it seems like it hasn’t helped.
My 20 yr old told me several months ago that I was shoving things down her throat in trying to work on our problems. She wasn’t ready to deal with it. I hurt her too much. I have admitted that I know that I hurt her & other family members. I told them when are we suppose to start this healing process. I can’t do this by myself. So, my only option is to deal with & I’m not doing a job of doing this.
When I moved in with my sister, I thought things were getting better as far as my BP. For the first time, I felt like doing things. I actually helped her cook Thanksgiving dinner for the family & helped her decorate her house for Christmas & helped with a little party she wanted to for the girls that she works with. Forgot, made it thru the wedding. Then a couple of days before Christmas, I bottomed out – went into a major depression & I’m still there. I’m still trying to figure out what brought this on. I woke one morning & there it was & it escalated.
This the closest that I have come to ending it. My family is so clueless about this part – they didn’t even pay attention to the signs in front of them. They know that this is the #1 killer of BP. My sister made it so easy for me to do it – she was gone most of the time while I was here by myself. Don’t ask me what happened, but I didn’t do it. I snapped out for a couple of days. Right now, I’m back & forth like a yoyo. One day I want to end & the next day I don’t.With situation right now, I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My daughters (20/18)didn’t even call me on Christmas Day – the 20 yr old said she didn’t think about it – she didn’t even call me on my b’day. She didn’t even try the next day or the next. I don’t know how to deal with this. I never thought I would see my relationship with my kids would be this bad. I also have a problem getting along with my parents.
When our family had our get together at Christmas, I didn’t go b/c of the strain between all of us. My thoughts were, someone had to do something. I’m the one with BP – not them. It’s my moods that create the problems – they don’t have the moods. This was the only alternative – stay away.
B/c of what happened around Christmas, my living with my sister has created a major strain in our relationship.
Since I’m not in a position to support myself, I can’t leave my sister’s house – I have no where else to go. I have soo much debt b/c of medical bills – I have insurance – but insurance companies pay a lower percentage on illnesses like this. I was in the hospital last year (the physc ward) & they paid less than half of my bill. Also, without a job, I haven’t been able to pay on any of my debts. My ex is trying to pay for alot of things that occurred b/c of financial situation. He is not able to give me much money each month. If you don’t have it, you can’t pay it.
Was this said, I do wonder how will I be able to be around anyone else outside of the family. I am afraid. With my family, none of us know what to say to each other.
As far as my therapist, my sister & 20 yr old do not like him – I have told them that this has to do with me & the BP – we are not there to discuss their personal problems with other things in their life – just the BP & how it has affected us. The both of them had seen my therapist for other reasons other than me & the BP. None of my family has been involved with any of my therapy. When I was first diagnoised & before my medication kicked in – I didn’t want them involved – I was still very negative. Once the medication kicked in, my thoughts changed.
Last night, my sister & I were discussing something about computers (I’m not computer literate.) I was having a hard time understanding something & then she started accusing me of becoming upset b/c of it. This is what I can’t take anymore – they think if I get the least little upset or start crying – I fixing to flip out. I can’t take this kind of pressure. I’m tired of it.
An other thing, I was the one that went to the dr. when things were getting out of control over a yr ago – I agreed to go into the hospital so the dr’s could really work on my medication & get me stable. They have never had to worry if I’m taking my medication or going to the dr.
I’m soo confused right now – I’m having a hard time dealing with 3 of kids not wanting to talk to me – my problem with sister & my parents. I don’t want to live like this. They only one that I have to turn to is my dr. and therapist & that cost money everytime I see them. The debt that I have – no job – living with my sister & wondering if I will ever be able to support myself & afraid to have a relationship with anyone else. Not that I’m looking for this at the moment – furtherest thing from mind right now. But if it did happen – are they willing to deal with BP or walk out on me. The BP has already destroyed 2 marriages & my relationship with my kids.
I have rambled enough – will go for now.
Hi Dave,
I have done some reading on the subject of correcting people and found that when we approach people who tell us something that is wrong that we are supposed to first, in this situation say, “I understand you feel safer at home, there is less conflict and less to trigger you; however, I feel like you are missing out on your life because you stay at home.” See how that is different than saying, “You need to get out more, you can’t let bipolar ruin your life.”? First, when correcting people, it helps if we validate what they are feeling and let them know that we see their point of view. If we just disagree with them it causes defenses in them to go up and they won’t hear what you are saying because basically you are telling them they are wrong and “shouldn’t” feel, act, or believe what they do. I have found this approach very helpful, validating their feelings, beliefs or behavior by saying, “I see why or that you do, feel or believe that, but have you considered such and such?” It just goes over smoother. Remember what I heard from someone, “Be kind because everyone is fighting some kind of battle” I think that is especially true with bipolar. I don’t think what you said was so much wrong, but using the approach of validating that you see their point always helps to lower their defenses, then we can suggest that they see things in a different way, but just telling them they shouldn’t do, say, feel, or believe what they do because of any even very valid, true, real, opposed reason will always cause defenses to go up. Just FYI…
About staying home to avoid conflict. I lived in a depressed cocoon for a good 10 years myself. Very depressed and very alone. I didn’t understand what I had, what was “wrong” with me, only that I offended people with what I would say, ran off every girlfriend I ever had, lost every job I ever had, and I was not on the right medication. Once I found out I had bipolar, it took time to get on the right kind and amount of medication, then it took time to stabilize and then it took time to trust and risk going out and meeting people again. I don’t tell people I have bipolar unless it is in a support group, because of the stigma. Most people do not understand bipolar. Once a person gets to know me, then I may let them in on it, but I let them get to know that I am stable, logical, caring, considerate, kind and level headed. Some of them are surprised I have any condition at all because I function so well. But the bottom line is, while you know a LOT about bipolar, and I do mean a LOT, and that is a great thing, people who have been struggling their whole life with this disorder and who know nothing about it can be living in hell. They can be isolating for very valid reasons, having caused major problems in their social life, or had a very very unsuccessful work, social, family life as I had. I can see how it would be hard for you to not understand how it would feel to have these kinds of problems because unless you have, it IS hard if not IMPOSSIBLE to understand how frustrating it can be. We tend to feel defective because we don’t understand that our brain chemistry is what is causing the problems we have with our perception which causes the problems we have with others and if we are kind natured we just don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings any more. You’re right in that we need to be explained and understand the nature of bipolar and that we just need to work with our dr to get on the right meds, but when you don’t understand this, it can be impossible to just have someone explain it in one conversation. Know what I mean?
God Bless You and the work you do. I know you mean well and want to help. I think this approach should help you be more effective at explaining things like this situation to people who have no idea what you are talking about : )
Sincerely,
Bob
Dear Melodi,
It concerns me that you feel you are better off isolating. I felt that way for a long time. When we have bipolar, it does make socializing more difficult and we do have a harder time relating to other people because we see things differently than others at times. One of the symptoms of having bipolar is saying things that are inappropriate, making errors in judgement, and saying or doing things then forgetting we did or said things and people think we are lying when we really don’t remember. People without bipolar do not understand, unless they have been educated, how hard our life can be, or why we do what we do and that can cause them to not feel safe trusting us. When they don’t feel safe trusting us they make us feel like a sore thumb. No one likes feeling like a sore thumb, and if your like me, you don’t like causing problems for other people because you are kind. I would suggest maybe that it might be a good idea to try finding a support group near you. NAMI has good support groups, as good as any other organization you can locate a NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) support group near you here: http://www.nami.org/ where you can find other people like us who have the same kinds of problems we do and that can help you feel not so alone as well. You may be able to find people who really understand you as well as I do and have the same problems we do too.
I hope that you find the support we all need there and if there is not a meeting near you, you can google bipolar support group and look for support groups that way or here is one I just found that is a national organization that has a locator in the site, this one is Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home
God bless you, you are not alone by a long shot. Many of us either do feel the way you do, or have felt the way you do. I understand as well as anyone can the feelings you have and hope that you can find some support…
Sincerely,
Bob
This is one of the first letters that I have read, and it meant a lot to me, I can really associate with how she felt, I do the same when I feel an episode coming on and my illness has affected my life in many negative ways. It may have been what caused the dissolution of my marriage. Some people just run away and don’t take time to understand our illness. I have tried so many medications that never worked, until Abilify which helped, but my insurance wouldn’t approve it for me, and I went back to self medicating with alcohol again which doesn’t work so well, and is getting unhealthy and expensive. I am on disability for it now and hiding seems to be the best answer sometimes. I mean between my illness, and peoples’ opinions about how I receive my money, it’s hard making friends. Well, I agree, and force myself to get out there, but anxiety takes over and I hide out again. I have tried support groups, but they cover so many different mental issues and I find myself talking to a crowd of people not really listening to me. Well, thanks for the advice I will keep trying. -Lance
Hi
Not sure if it is fair to say you can continue as normal. My husband has BP and to be honest he is living less in fair of the disorder than I do. He gets over it basically while he is in an episode he is now responsible for his meds but whatever he does during this time usually is forgotten or “forgiven” afterwards. On the other hand I live with the consequences and disruptions to his,mine and family members lives during the episode. I definitely live in fear of them, they are like exploding dynamite that falls with no warning. To book a holiday for example is risking it. No insurance to cover a predisposed illness, no sympathy given when you call in to cancel!
then of course you live with it for several months while it fades away. Sorry, I understand what you want me to hear about living in fear of an episode being unhealthy for all, but ignoring the reality of an episode and it’s consequences is a little irresponsible, if you ask me. Yes, we need to learn to live with it , but it is not always as controllable as we would like it to be, so I say an element of fear is healthy and responsible.
For the last 40 years, I have been BRUTALLY honest with other people about my bipolar. The MAIN thing that has brought about is – people take ADVANTAGE of my good nature. I have a tendency to TRUST people until they give me a good reason NOT to.
When I had my apartment house, everything was fine for the first 25 years. Then, I allowed a woman and her 2 children to move in upstairs, not knowing that she was a crack addict. She talked me into being the Manager of the apartment house for free rent; I allowed that. Then, when I was hospitalized for acute pancreatitis for a month, I paid her $1,000/month to take care of me when I got home. So, in essence, she was getting away with $1,600/month from me. She had men coming in and out all the time, and when she got tired of them, she relegated them to the basement room!
I had a service for 24 sterling silver place settings, saved up by my Mother and given to me on my wedding day. That, too, disappeared. I would be living in the “lap of luxury” if I had sold them myself, piece by piece, with the price of silver. And there were PHENOMENAL serving pieces that were 200 years old! What a way this woman had of “pulling the wool over my eyes!”
Now, I have a “visitor” who comes once a week to “socialize.” I cashed a check for $40 last Tuesday, and after he came over Wednesday morning, I was ready to go shopping, so I checked my wallet – the $40 was missing! I asked him about it on Thursday – and all he could say was – “Remember how you lose things? You must have spent it, or misplaced it.” I HATE being patronized by ANYONE, especially him. AND – he owes me $70 anyway, on top of asking me for $25 on Tuesday night.
Why are some bipolar survivors “picked on” and made to feel “stupid” and less than “normal?” I’m one of those survivors who DOESN’T “hide out;” in fact, I have Federal jury duty next Tuesday. I go out 3-4 times a week to do grocery shopping, or DR appointments. My “dance card” is usually full.
I guess the crux of this rambling is – that I have been taken advantage of for the last time. Not only do I have to be more prudent, but I have to NOT trust what other people have said I’ve done when I haven’t. I need to TRUST MYSELF, and NOT rely on others for validation.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
I’M A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC OF 22 YEARS; ALSO RECOVERING FROM CHRONIC CLINICAL DEPRESSION, AND LEARNING WITH MY DAUGHTER’S ABOUT HER BI-POLAR DISEASE. I LIKE TO THINK THAT WHEN I SHARE HOW I AM FEELING WITH ANOTHER, THAT THEIR RESPONSE IS THEIR OWN. I TAKE WHAT SOMEONE SAYS AND IF THEY ARE SOMEONE MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE THAN MYSELF (OR NOT), I TRY TO LISTEN WITHOUT BECOMING DEFENSIVE. IT IS FRUSTRATING TO LISTEN TO SOMEONE SHARE WHERE THEY ARE AT BUT ARE UNWILLING TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY, AN/OR BECOME DEFENSIVE. IT SEEMS TO HAPPEN A LOT WHEN PEOPLE ARE FEELING INADEQUATE AND SMALL (MAYBE IN A DEPRESSIVE STATE), AND DON’T HAVE THE ABILITY OR RATIONALE TO TAKE WHAT WAS SAID AND THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING TO IT AND CHECK IT OUT. THEY MAY NOT BE IN A SPACE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT AND THUS BECOME DEFENSIVE. I FIND THAT IN THOSE SITUATIONS I NEED TO ALLOW THEM TO BE WHERE THEY ARE AND IF THEY ARE FEELING DEFENSIVE, THERE’S PROBABLY NOTHING YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO TO CHANGE THAT. IN SUCH CASES, I PRAY FOR THAT PERSON, THAT THEIR HEART WOULD BE ABLE TO RECEIVE WHAT THEY HEARD AND THAT THEY WOULD BE STRENGTHENED BY THAT AND NOT FEEL DISCOURAGED, AND THAT I TOO WOULD NOT FALL INTO THE WELL OF DISCOURAGEMENT. IT IS DIFFICULT WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO BE HELPFUL BUT IT IS TAKEN AS CRITICISM INSTEAD. I HOPE I HEARD YOUR ARGUMENT RIGHT AND THAT WHAT I HAD TO SAY IS HELPFUL. IF NOT, THEN MAYBE SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE, IT WILL BE. THANKS FOR SHARING AND LISTENING.
I have been dealing with bipolar disorder for 13 years in my life. I can relate to this article, there are definitely times i don’t want to deal with being out in the world thinking I may have an episode at any time. Having this condition makes me live a life with a secret I rarely admit to other people. To be honest I hope I never have another episode, every day that is my struggle, it is always on my mind. I’ve been hospitalized three times due to manic episodes. I do go to a weekly support group and take my meds. Being antisocial doesn’t help regardless if your bipolar or not. I have to say I’m a lucky man due to a supporting family, I don’t know how they put with me during my episodes, but I know now that no matter what I will not allow myself to get hosptilalized again.
In response to hiding out, I feelyou are right on target. If you live your life in fear then you can’t live. I have been bipolar for 37 years and I am living a successful life. Yes I’ve had episodes but I don’t let them determine my life. I pick up the pieces and keep on living. Since I know my triggers and am faithful with my medication it makes my disorder easier to deal with. Most of the people who know me don’t even know that I am bipolar. So don’t hide,live your life.
I have Bipolar and read your e-mails daily. The most recent about the girl that does not leave the house afraid of having a episode. I have to say, I have been the same way, mine is a little different however. When I do go away at a distance (ie: Las Vegas, NV – 3 1/2 hour drive most of the drive through the desert, which triggers panic attacks), which is what I was diagnosed years ago. This also triggers a eating disorder that I have (fear of choking on solid foods), this is part of the reason that I stay close to home, but it is very hard on my Husband/Family that likes to go to Las Vegas 3 times a year and family on trips also(our last trip – to Las Vegas, I went into a episode and ended up in tears at 2:30am) we ended up driving home at 3am because of it. So I somewhat understand her feelings. I do have a great psych. that has got me on the right meds. finally and they do help but I still have occasional mood swings, he just sees me 1 time a month monitoring them for now. And I just started back to therapy which I think will really help. I have been able to stay out of the hospital for almost 2 years now, and work a good job, so once you get the right treatments (meds and therapy), you can have a fairly normal life. I just keep my faith and that is what keeps me going.
I am not bipolar,but I am involved with someone who is and is totally unaccepting of what he is.He has some really off the wall reactions,and it is always another persons fault,never EVER his!!!!!!!!!!I will,after him,never,ever get involved with another person.It would be nice if people liked me,cared about me,and accepted me for how I look,act,and lived my life.BUT,I really do not care.Who are these people?Who cares who they are!Do not worry who these people are;if someone really cares about you,they will accept you on a deeper level and stand by you.If not,do not waste your time on a game player,phony,etc.You are worth way more than that! Caroline.
Dave, I just read about the women that was scared to go out, for fear she will have an epsoide. Well I don’t go out unless it’s to a doctor’s appointment. I’m not depressed,but sometimes it gets to me. I’m happy in my house. I don’t need to go out and don’t want anyone over or I don’t want any friends. It’s a hassle. I busy myself with on line classes, writing my next book, reading, and right now taking care of my two youngest grandchilden there are to many phony people out there. Who needs them. I have been married 29 years, my husband gets upset sometimes when i won’t go with him. I do sometimes but rather be at home. I’m safe there.Do you see this as a problem? I just recived my B.A. in Child Daycare Management. I only did it because a doctor told me I couldn’t do or become anything. I had to prove her and others they were wrong. Do I plan to go back to work I don’t know yet. Is this abnormal? could you send out a letter defining normal. I would really like to know. For I feel normal everyone else thinks i’m not. That’s why I stay to myself. I’m a published Poet and I had my first book published in2005 and it’s going on the second printing. it will be on Amozon.com soon.Can a person with bi-polar do all these things and more? No big deal if I leave the house.
How to overcome Bipolar aside from the medical views, and the time principle for overcoming:
Live in the now, the present is all we have at the moment. With Bipolar and anxiety we spend too many sleepless nights worrying about the past and or future. Where does it get us? Depressed, miserable, and unable to live in the moment. When we allow fear of anything to rule our lives we are cheating ourselves and loved ones of living in the present. Yes, some moments suck! And Yes, we wish we could take back all of the episodes and never have one again! But, if we dwell on the past mistakes or the future that hasn’t yet happened we rob ourselves of living without fear in the present. No, we do not have insight as to when the next episode may strike! People with or without illnesses do not know when it will strike. Being prepared with a plan of action in case something happens is all we can do to help prevent the worst when it does happen. Avoiding because of fear is anxiety at its worst. Get some help for anxiety and I mean more than medication. You will be relieved when you do it! A real friend sees your potential not your downfalls. The question is are you a real friend to yourself, or are you your own worst enemy? Give yourself a break, and think of what you are good at, and what you are capable of doing now. You can only control your thoughts there is no magic pill that makes fear disappear. We overcome by doing what we fear most, and having pride in who we believe ourselves to truly be. Bipolar produces fear in ourselves and that is alright so long as we do not let it override all that is good and precious about who we really are. The worst thing we can do with Bipolar is let it rule our waking thoughts with worry. When we do this there can be no hope for a better future. Be an inspiration to yourself and to others as often as possible. Allow yourself to grieve but only for a time. Here is the time principle: You can cry, have fear, and feel sorry for yourself for only 5 minutes a day, but for the other 1435 minutes of the day you have to feel good, peaceful, and successful about yourself. Peace and happiness is your true destiny. Don’t let fear and shame rob you of what is rightfully yours.
-Tere (BP Survivor)
I’m not sure the flu shot analogy is the best. You might want to look into it… it’s made me very sick every time I’ve had it, and many doctors won’t use it because of its danger… do some research!
Hi David,
I really liked how you handled that young lady, you definitely said all the right words. If she took offense it was because she is uneducated about bipolar. I’ve taken the stand to become informed about bipolar disorder, depression and many other disorders. I have an internet radio talk show on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kimberly-nixon and I’ve been on a quest to look for guest authors, writers, web site owners, etc. in the bipolar and mental health field of work. I think your emails are enlightening and wonderful and I know you’d be a great guest for my show, if interested please email me after checking out my web site on blogtalkradio.
Thanks in advance,
Kimberly Nixon
Like so many others who have commented on this article, I too am BipolarII and have been for many years.When my children were young I was afraid to leave the house for fear that I would somehow make life more difficult for one of them.I used to be terrified if I went to any one of their school activities that I would “embarrass them”.I can remember that often school activities would be held on a Friday and my weeks were filled with terror, that only intensified as the event got closer.I also went through a period of many years where I wouldn’t leave my bedroom unless absolutely necessary.I had a young family to take care of an somehow we all made it through to the time when they were ready to leave home and make lives of their own.After they left I again retreated even further into a world of my own,where my tv was my best, and only friend.I was fortunate that the fog lifted for me and I got to the point that I was able to actualy go places on my own, and what surprised me the most is that I was actually able to talk to people.I was ill before the onset of all the on-line help groups that are available now.This was in the mid-80s so I was pretty well on my own since I lived in a very rural, isolated area.I am so grateful now when I look in my inbox and see that Dave has sent a new message out.I suppose that the only thing that I would say to the young girl is say what my experience has been.It was pretty scary, at times I didn’t know how I would go on,but I did.It all is so much more manageable once I let people in.Too bad it took more than 15 years for me to come to that realization.
well david, i agree with you re that girl you spoke with about her not going out cause she might have an episode. personally, i am an outgoing person. i like talking with people and vice versa. no man is an island.there’s a wonderful world out there in spite and despite of the crisis. when i feel bad, i go out of the house and spend some time with a friend, or go to the mall, eat ice cream. i do something that would make me happy. even just a bar of hershey’s makes me feel soooo good. i even went to the beach one time. being with nature enlightened me. made me realize a lot of things. i really appreciate what you are doing. it’s peole like you that makes this world a better place to live in. keep up the good work. hope i could me you someday. we’ll probabaly never stop talking. 🙂
Hi, David
I read the letter about the girl that was afraid to make plans. I am a single mother of two my daughter has bipolar and my son hass adhd. As I was reading, I thought about the times I did not make plans because I was afraid of when my daughter would go into an episode.Especaily after she stop takeing her meds, that was 3 1/2 years ago and we have not been able to maske her realize that she needs them. She is eightteen and at collage, do you have any ideas on this for parents of bipolar.
Ie you do I would like to know and be able to pass it on to the members of the group I started on facebook as a support for parents with kids with bipolar and adhd.
Thank you
Denise
Good morning Dave,
This doesn’t really pretain to bipolar or it might. I live in a neighbor hood where an old lady lives across the street from me. Her son who lives in another county has a farm. He has pigs, and has slaughtered some to have in freezers for his sister,mother and himself. The mother indicated to me that their freezers were full of pig meat.
The son works for the state as a security officer in the local jail where he lives. Each day that the trash
runs the old lady makes out like theres notheing in the home to eat. (When I know better) The daughter makes out like she is taking care of the mother and that is a joke. The daughter has also indicated to me that her mother has alzheimers. The old lady lives alone and can’t remember when to eat.
Several months ago I was in a situation where I didn’t have enough money to eat properly. As a result I didn’t get enough vitamin K and that resulted in blood clots. I have plenty of food to eat, I take my trash that I don’t want the old bag across the street to know whats in my trash. My trash is gone threw so I put dog poop in it the last few times its been picked up.
My neighboe next door to me has a baby. The husband works in a resturant and brings food home. they act like thers nothing in the house to eat as well. The state should step into that situation. address 11029 100th ave, seminole,Fl 33772.
my comment
Once again. I DO NOT nor did I ask to order any courses of any such. Please stop emailing me. I pray you have no intension of charging anything on my fiances account as dealing with someone who is bipolar, you know what will happen to me. He will absolutly flip a script! Please stop!
I have a boy that has been diagnosed with adhd bipolar and he has been in school he is 8 years old all of his problems started when he was 2 years old but the drs. kept telling me he would grow out of this and he hasnt it got worse. I took him to a specialist and theropist and they encourage supporters to encourage them to hold jobs and be just like other people my son goes to school has episodes and he gets up again he says how is everyone going to treat me after that.Some people are cruel in this world until they understand what u are going threw but if u get out there and take your medicines.Than u go after things dont stay home it can lead to depression and I went out and got a paper route with him and he did have an episode but i took him got him back up he wont go into that area because of fear. But people out there asked him how he was doing and treats him just like he didnt even have bipolar
I SUPPORT U THAT EVEN TRY TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD TO WORK OR SOCIAL LIFE IT MEANS U ARE A GO GETTER IN MY BOOK PLEASE CONTINUE TO GO AND DO THINGS.