Hi,
How’s it going?
I want to tell you a quick story about how I thought of today’s topic. Yesterday was crazy.
You’re never going to believe what happen to me yesterday.
Okay, so I late last evening I had to go out to the mall to pick something up.
I was driving along and guess what?
It started to snow. I HATE driving in the snow. I HATE it. Seriously.
So I was too far along to turn back.
I called a friend and asked if it was suppose to snow a lot. My friend said the weather said no.
So I just drove on.
Anyway, I went to the mall. I got what I had to get.
Then all of a sudden Macy’s was ordering everyone out IMMEDIATELY a little before closing.
Then they announced that you could only get out of one door in the entire store. This store was HUGE.
Every door I went to was locked. Even the people working their didn’t know which door was open and you could get out.
Finally I found it. Guess what?
I was in the lower parking lot. My car was in the upper parking lot.
In order for me to get their I either had to walk on the road with cars sliding all over the place and risk getting hit (there was no side walk) or walk in the snow and grass and climb a huge fence.
I decided to walk on the road. There where little kids walking with me with their parents. They were crying because it was so darn cold.
Cars were driving fast towards us and sliding. I told everyone to be careful.
So we were going to the parking lot where all our cars were. Guess what? We had to walk up this huge hill.
The hill was like a sheet of ice. I almost fell three times.
Everyone, including little kids, women and men were sliding, falling and couldn’t really make it.
One kid had boots and got to the top and took my bag so I could focus on climbing myself.
Then we made sure that everyone climbed up the hill safely.
It was crazy.
It reminded me how many mental health hospitals work-crazy!
So then, I get in my car, turn it on to let it warm up.
I then get out of my car to clean it off and then when I went back to open the car door…guess what?
It was locked.
I was sooooooo mad. I couldn’t believe it.
The car was locked with the car running.
I had no food, water, warm clothes. EVERYONE left as well. All I had was my cell phone.
I called American Express and they were super nice to me. I don’t know why I called them, I couldn’t think of anyone else to call. Anyway, they called a tow truck that came in 45 minutes to open the door.
I was so cold.
Now while I was sitting there, I had nothing to do but think and be cold.
Winter sure is here and there is an important bipolar lesson to learn from it.
I don’t know if it’s snowing where you are, but it sure is up north!
Michele, who works for me, says she had a huge blizzard her way the other day, and couldn’t even go outside!
It made me think of something:
There are two types of snow…
The one kind that is the kind that you wish for on Christmas…
You know, the one where the flakes are really pretty, and you sit inside all nice and cozy, and watch them slowly drift outside your window, but they don’t stick to the ground or anything.
Then there’s the huge blizzard kind, like Michele was talking about – the huge ugly kind, that overwhelming kind, that keeps you inside all cold and everything, and piles up on the ground and no one can even drive on the roads because of all the snow and ice.
It reminds me of bipolar disorder, and the two different ways you can look at things.
You can look at things as the “first snow” kind of way, where things just kind of come down in a slow, easy way, and you can handle them.
Or you can see everything as overwhelming, keeping you inside for fear of facing them, because they’re too hard.
Of course, which way you approach things is up to you.
I teach in my courses that your approach to things, whether you see them as something you can handle or as something that is overwhelming comes from your attitude.
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So it’s up to you and your attitude.
If you have a victim attitude, then of course everything that happens to you is going to be someone else’s fault. You’re going to feel like you don’t deserve anything that comes your way, and everything is too hard to handle.
Obviously, that’s the hard way.
And you don’t need to have a victim mentality anyway, because you aren’t a victim. You’re a survivor.
If you have the attitude of a survivor, on the other hand, you’re going to have the “first snow” kind of attitude, and you’re going to believe that you CAN handle everything that life throws your way.
If you have this kind of attitude, obviously you’re going to get much further in life.
As a supporter, which attitude do you think is going to help your loved one more, the first one or the second one?
Your loved one needs to have a good attitude in order to get better.
And they’re going to be looking at you to be a good example.
So if they see that you are trying to not let things overwhelm you, then they will try that, too.
Try taking things just one day at a time.
Try making your life simpler rather than complicating it.
The less stress, the better – for you AND your loved one.
If there are things you need to get rid of in your life, then get rid of them (like those big snowstorms).
If taking things one day at a time is even too much for you right now, then start with taking things one hour at a time and build up from there.
It can be done.
It just depends on your attitude.
So which snow will YOU decide to have?
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
Hi Dave,
I’m sitting here watching the “Christmas kind of snow” falling and I came upon your email. It really made me chuckle thinking of all the similar situations I’ve been in throughout my 68 years!
It is so true about how we think about ourselves and you don’t have to have bipolar or be a supporter to fall into the “victim” role.
Have a great day!
Judy
I really like how you take real happenings in your life and use them to give us good direction. Thanks for this article.
David, I first must say i am so sorry for your ordeal, i have had days like that and you were so nobel to have helped those people and endured it all. I just wanted to tell you thank you for all those children. Second, you enlightened me with this article. I knew i was able to handle my own bipolar but i honestly thought it was mostly due to the fact mine is not really bad. I realized that it is not really bad because i look at it as the mild, beautiful snowfall, and I also realized that it was mostly due to my having to go thru the blizzards with my ex husband. It helps me.
Hi David,
I can SO identify with you and your snow escapade. Having been diagnosed as bipolar about thirty years ago (I am fifty-eight with no reason to hide my age) my life has been one like our Iowa weather. It has meant riding out some of the worst Iowa winters and hoping that soon (very soon) better days are ahead. It is so hard to be in the depression mode I call it. I have lost jobs, lost friends, even a finance during these times. That’s where I am now and I’m waiting for it to pass. I like your column because it helps me realize that I’m not alone in this battle. Thank you for writing each day. I look forward to it.
My son was reciently rediagnosed from paranoid schizophrena to Bi Polar. His girlfriend is also bi polar. It was like being hit with a blizzard for a second cause I kept telling the doctors that he was bipolar and now they finally realized I was right. It took a major episode where he wanted to hurt me and himself to get them to this decision.
You talk often of shoppping for a good doctor well Neither of these people can work due to physical problems caused sometimes by the medication they are on and some just bad genes. so they are stuck with the doctors the agency they get help from. Neither one likes the doctor they have and my son is actually afraid because at one point when he had this doctor before he ended up in a coma due to the combination of medicine this doctor had him on. Do you have any suggestions on what they can do? I know this is long but the only way to get the entire story you need the facts. I am Bipolar I as well so I understand some of what they are going through. Bea
You are my supporter. I’m sorry if i’m not cooperated. I’m
trying.
Attitude is everything!
sorry to what happen to you in the snow yesterday i cant see how you felt
my car broke down along side the road and they towed it away now i have to pay $400 to get it back
and today is a holiday so i cant get it till tomorrow.. gees…
have a great day thanks for all the mail you send
Roni
Dave, You are so right when talking about living one day at a time. Even living one hour at a time doesn’t work, so try ones minute at a time. I have followed this princple in my life for many many years now and I have so much healthier. I am a supporter of my son who is bipolar and has just gone through another mania stage. I can only follow my program and what I have in place to help him. Thank you so much for all your encouraging and helpful words that you post everyday.
This has nothing to do with BP, but I had to let you know that I did get a good chuckle out of your experience (sorry)! You need to visit Northern Idaho in the winter or sometimes in the summer! We have had The Christmas type snow fall you described on the 4th of July! You all must really be spoiled when it comes to winter!!
First, I’d like to say as a supporter of a loved one with bi-polar your e-mails and stories are so very helpful. They help me look at things that happen with an open mind and open heart, just knowing that our happenings aren’t the only ones out there help more than anything.
Second, hearing you say it does help for at least the supporter to have a possitive attitude helped me out a lot. There are so many times I worry that my always happy go lucky, take things as they come and deal with them one step at a time attitude hindered him rather than help him. It’s good to hear/read your experiences and know that we aren’t alone.
Thank You for all that you do!
Maer
Dave,
I’ve been reading your messages for a while now. This is the first time I am responding. I know that my 21 year old son has the symptoms of bi-polar that you describe in your messages. He really needs help but he won’t go get it. I don’t know what to do for him or how to help him. I am scared for him.
I thought it about time I contacted you… especially with your comments about expecting hate mail… I want you to know that if you received a million such messages, please know they should all be discounted! For, if there is one soul you can touch and help through their diffucult journey with mental illness it more than makes what you do worth it, and I am one soul that is eternally grateful!
I’m a 30year old woman who has been with my high school boy for 15 years, we now have a 16month old son together and I feel all alone and misunderstood in regard to the effects of my partners ‘yet to be properly diagnosed’ mental illness – I feel the mental health professionals in my area could do with signing up to your group, they might learn a thing or two… as could the police, government child protection agency, womans refuge, suicide prevention and domestic violence groups I’ve been in touch with, they all seem to not have a clue about the ‘real’ effects of bi polar and don’t look at the ‘bigger picture’, they have dismissed my opinions, their advice leading toward my leaving him and pressing charges, or worse having my mental state assessed, considering I am post natal and that I should see my doctor?? All this, of course adds to the feeling that maybe I am the one who is crazy???? But, no – I am a very stong and intellegent woman and though I’ve had moments of doubt, I am positive I am seeing the situation for what it really is.
While many symptoms can fall under other catagories, like domestic violence, collectivly with other symptoms (which include OCD, and the known family history)… a fool with access to google can see it’s mental illness!
We were soooo deeply in love but I feel this illness has taken my best friend away from me! Since May 08 his things began to appear more like ‘bi polar’ than his previously known, depression/anxiety and OCD. But, my love can’t keep up with what it’s had to this last year or more – the violence, mood swings, irrational thinking/behaviour, constant deep negative outlook, the list goes on… The problem is, he cycles up and down weekly at presant and I know if I make the wrong move on the wrong day that suicide is a very real possibility, in the meantime I can do little but watch as his passive yet destructive behaviour leads our financial situation to a point where we are soon going to lose all we have worked so hard to aquire! We have been referred to a pschycologist but are awaiting their contact to book an appointment – finally someone might look at my theory of bi polar?? I won’t hold my breath with hope though!
I’d really like to know if you know of any support people in my area (Wellington, New Zealand), or if you are able to be contacted by phone? I would love the opportunity to talk to someone such as yourself who understands the true ‘reality’ of this illness.
Your e-mails have made me feel less alone and confirmed things I had wondered about. Sorry for the rambling comment, really just want to say thank you so much for doing what you do and I look forward to continuing to receive your e-mails!
Hi Dave – I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through with the snow, but me I can say I am lucky where I am there’s no snow only winter, but sometimes its very cold but I love it. For the time being its really hot about 30 to 40 degrees sometimes. Anyway while I am reading your email , my loved one has got an attitude that everything is my fault and also thinks that everything is hard to handle because she’s got negative thoughts and low self esteem. You know I have been through a lot in my life in different ways . but I always have faith and hope in God, and believe me I can handle anything that comes my way eventhough its so painful and hurtful.
Best regards
Ange
Dave – you don’t know WHAT being “overwhelmed” feels like for someone with bipolar disorder. Even with a “positive” attitude, I can be overwhelmed by the smallest details or even a full kitchen sink! When I see that the sink is full, the counters are full, even the FLOOR is dirty – I throw up my hands, and depart!! It’s time for my “right arm” to come to my rescue! I’m talking about my black friend, Kevin, who stays in close contact with me every week. He’s my “cleaning man,” and looks like a football linebacker!
He’ll come in my apartment, start to do the dishes, clear the counters, wash the floor – and do the bathroom and take out my overly-full garbage bags! Once he’s there, he works like a “white tornado,” finishing all the tasks in less than an hour; things that would take me all day! He even fixes little things, like dripping faucets, or loose toilet seats…he’s a “marvel,” and truly one of my “angels.” I honestly don’t know WHAT I would do without him…
I live alone, and have had bipolar for 41 years. I have no live-in supporter, and rely on the Community Mental Health Clinic for meds and therapy. But – there is NO one I can rely on, on a daily basis, to assess my mood, or get me out of one I’m not particularly fond of. But – I persevere, and somehow make it from day to day without becoming tooooo upset. It’s friends like Kevin that keep me grounded and able to function.
So, yes – we can become OVERWHELMED at times, through no fault of our own. All my external stressors are STILL with me, but there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish even one of them at a time. I’m relying on my mortgage broker to come through with my refinancing; I haven’t heard from the IRS on my tax debt, so THAT’S up in the air; I haven’t been able to rent my room; and the lawsuit I have for repayment of a loan is at a stand-still. BUT – I AM being proactive as much as possible, when my “moods” allow it. All I seem to WANT to do, is read my gossip magazines, do the mail, and go on the computer and read emails, like yours!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
By the way – Jury duty has been CANCELED, so I’m able to hear Obama’s Inaugural Address tomorrow!! It SHOULD be a POWERFUL one!!
Bi-Polar is a Great gift. ALL who or are anybodt had or has the Gift, Sportstares to Genius, like Da-Vinci.
The DISORDER, that comes from the psychiatrist & the “medication.” Yes the Medical induced Brain Dammage.
The Disorder is compleatly IATROGENIC. (CAUSED BY THE DR. VIA POLYPHARMACY, ENVIRONMENT…).
PROFESSORS OF PSYCH. CANNOT FIND ANY “DRUG VIRGINS” WITH THE DISORDER. THAT’S ENOUGH TO TELL ME WE ARE ALL MANUFACTURED THE SAME.
YOU SEE FELLOWS I WAS DRUGGED TO NEAR DEATH WITH “ANTIPSYCHOTICS” FOR A WEEK, THEN I WAS TOLD I WAS BP. HOW WHY?
NO SCIENCE BACKE ANY THE PSYCH. DOES…..
ALL OF IT IS FRAUD!
DAVE,
PLEASE HELP I AM ON THE VERGE OF GOING MAD. MY DAUGHTER HAD A MANIC EPISODE LAST NIGHT SHE WANTED TO THROW THINGS THROUGH MY CARS WINDOW AND SHE ATTACKS PHYSICALLY SHE INSULTS ME AND TELLS ME I AM A TERRIBLE MOTHER AND SHE HAS A BABY OF 2YRS I AM AT WITS END MY HUSBAND DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE FOR HER SHE IS 21 AND ON MEDICATION BUT IT FEELS LIKE I CAN TAKE A HANDFUL OF PILLS I AM EXHAUSTED BECAUSE OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND WE ARE ALWAYS TO BLAME. PLEASE HELP!!!
Dave…I THINK “U” finally got it!!!LOL The “SNOW “story…is like my life! I just “TRY” to take things as they come…and “MAKE” the “MOST” OF it!!!LOL NOBODY…said it would be easy…it’s called “LIFE”!!!LOL
thanks for all your emails you really hit the nail on the head with this one i can vouge for that keep up the good work your a godsent thanks a bunch
I think that after reading the posts regarding your last article the one that follows my way of thinking the most is Suzanne’s.I have been suffering from bipolarII for many years,diagnosed in the late 80’s.During that whole time I have been so overwhelmed by the illness that at times I had to wait for my daughter to come home from school to give me a drink of water because I couldn’t turn over in my bed to get a drink off the nightstand.I have sat in the corner for years,drooling,because that was all that I could do.Give it a second thought if you think that any of this could be changed by a “positive attitude” or that it was a result of me thinking of myself as a victimI needed compassion not people treating me with the attitude “just get out there and pull up your socks” my reply is “what if you aren’t wearing any”.
Irealy like the email of the snowstrom. Ilook forward to your email everday you are truly haven sent.
Dear David,
Boy, your story really hit home. I have reacted to my daughter’s illness in such a negative way for so long, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it, but I’ll tell you one thing. I am NOT going to accept she or I living the way we have for the last 10 years. After reading your articles, I know for sure there is help out there–not only for my daughter, but for the people who love her and are trying to deal with this debilitating illness.
I called the illness “debilitating” because that is what it is if you look at everything negatively. (I had a tendency to do that.) My daughter was negative because she would never admit she had a problem. It was everyone else with the problems! We have both finally let go of those feelings and are ready to face this illness head on, knowing that we can have a wonderful, happy, productive life in the NEAR FUTURE. I have a question. How do you explain this disorder to a child of a bipolar adult??? My daughter’s daughter is so worried about her mom, and I know totally doesn’t understand what’s going on. Should we get her into some therapy also?
Anyway, I have a very different attitude right now. I feel positive, enlightened, strong, and really able to face this illness head on and we WILL prevail. Our family is very close. Even with all of the dysfunction that has gone on in the past, we all love each other very much. That, alone, will keep me, and us, going.
Thanks for your emails. They are amazing, and really help me focus on what I need to do for my daughter and myself.