I am learning so much about episodes etc. from your e-mails. Thanks. I have been diagnosed as bipolar not long ago and now I try to keep my control. I have been knopwn to “freak” as my kids put it and have said things to them and my husband that I don’t remember saying or mean. I have told them of my diagnosis but haven’t had a conversation with them about it. I’m just starting to understand it myself. Maybe I can get my son to read some of your stuff. He’s 22.

I have bipolar, and do try to remember to consider the source. One of my best friends is always trying to get me to stop taking my medication. She means well, but just doesn’t have a clue. I smile and nod, and go home to take my meds. I’ve learned to agree, then do what I have to do in order to remain somewhat stable.

Thanks for bringing this up. It is a very useful reminder.

my daughter in law suffers from bipolar and manic depression but drinks alchol and uses drugs like herion speed marijuans and cocain she wont get medical treatment how does this affect her every day life i’m really worried about the drugs she uses and wont get help from nobody i want to help but she wont take my advice ive asked her to go to rehab but wont thankyou jan saffron i want to know how the drugs work with someone that has this addiction

jan-saffron:
I feel for you! Form what i understand with a duel-diagnosis (drugs and bipolar) which is my case as well. One cant get treated for their bipolar until they are clean and sober first so the doctors can see the true “bipolar” and be confused with that bipolar + drugs do. My daughter says she “only smokes marijuana” – like that is acceptable. But i know for a fact that she failed many a drug screens living at home with crack, ice, speed, perscription pills, you name it. She tries to make me think that it is perfectly acceptable in today’s day and age to smoke pot. I tell her “Well its obviously not working for you is it?? Many of people who argue that lead productive lives. Its a depressant and does no good to someone who is depressed or has “issies” aside from all the common sense with its side effects.” But its like talking to a wall because it does give her immediate relief from her anxiety, depression and fast thoughts. So its tough to get someone treatment with any drug or alchohol addictions. Every doctor will also refuse to treat unless they are clean too because of the possible interactions with the street drugs.
Good luck jan-saffron….Try to keep your sanity in the meantime!

Hit home again! I’m learnig so much, & Dave you will be blessed!So I share, Help me to see Lord Jesus,that when I do something for the least of my brothers and sisters of the street, I am doing it for you.Blessing’s to you all. Sincerely..Sylvia, ladyinred54

I have been reading Dave’s emails now for several weeks and feel better in some ways, frustrated in others. I think my daughter is bipolar- she is 29 and was married last weekend- she denied me access to her wedding and my heart is broken! The question is, how do I know if she is bipolar and if I should employ the suggestions I am reading about? She was a lovely little girl but at about the age of 13 when her father and I divorced, she began to act out and yell at me all the time but I thought this was a normal teenage response. It just got worse and worse and she didn’t seem to keep friends either- she was very critical of them. She has threatened suicide, etc. etc. but has earned a University degree and has never done drugs or alcohol. She seems to handle money ok. I know she has been on medication and has been to doctors and therapists but she will not tell me who they are or let me talk to them. She either doesn’t speak at all on the phone or yells and blames me for things I have not done. She became engaged 2 years ago and began to call relatives- her brother, my mother, etc. and lie about her childhood and blaming me for all her problems- she has said horrible things that aren’t true and I have been devastated! She has called me in the middle of the night to yell accusations that aren’t true and on and on. Finally, my husband (who is not her father but has been very good to her) told her not to call and say such things and I wrote her a letter (because she just screams when I try to talk to her)and suggested that we need to resolve her problems( she doesn’t seem to know what I have done to hurt her but it’s my fault anyway). The result was a letter back to me telling me not to attend her wedding! I didn’t want to cause more trouble so didn’t go and have cried and cried. I don’t know what to do now- her husband just supports her behaviour totally so I can’t talk to him. We have always had a very close family and my other children are dismayed- my Mom did not attend the wedding either (to support me) and is so upset as has always been close to her granddaugher. It seems that no matter what I have done in the past 15 years or so it just has not been enough- I either interfere or don’t do enough in her eyes. I have tried to support her and console her and not to argue to keep the peace but I cannot tolerate her abuse any more very easily. I am very close to my other children and have always done my best. But, is this bipolar behaviour? The reason I wonder is that the animosity seems to be directed towards me only most of the time and it’s ALL the time. There are no times when she realizes she has said or done things that are terrible and there has never been an apology. She must get along with her husband as I can’t imagine he could tolerate what she says and does to me. She still doesn’t have alot of friends as expects too much of them and they either drop her or she drops them. My husband thinks she is just mean and spoiled. I just don’t know how to proceed. I love her very much and can’t believe all this is happening. Of course right now we have no contact and she lives several hours away and I work full time. I could sure use some advice as I think this is starting to affect my health too- not sleeping, worrying, etc. because this is tearing the whole family apart.

Hi David,

Hey I am having a very hard time right now. I have Bi-Polar but my family doesn’t believe it or won’t accept it. But they have been stirring me up real bad, enough to want to kill myself. Just can’t take much more. My Dad dies almost a year ago, and since then my family has been against me. Not my imagination. Several friends and my older children verified that. So I didn’t feel threathened. But now that my dad’s will has been read, and it states that the family is supposed to help me with my finances because my dad understood my Bi-Polar episodes.
I am at a point I need some help. I see a doctor and a therapist but not for another 2 weeks, tried to get in sooner but they were booked up.

Oh on the topic, I was also an alcoholic and didn’t know I had Bi-Polar until I got sober. At first they thought is was just and act to get away with things but soon figured out that I really did need help and the Bi-Polar diagnoisis. But I had said things to my kids and family that hurt them but I didn’t remember saying them. They just thought I was crazy and needed to be hidden from society. So I moved away from them and started building new supports but I built some of the wrong supports. I wished that your course was around back in 1990. I could of used it then. I have learned so much about myself and have shared your information with so many including professionals that I have a totally new support system. But forgot to use them this week. I couldn’t face anyone.
That’s all for now. I wish you could contact me. I could and would just want to hear your voice. I am so in debt, that I couldn’t join your bigger group.

Thanks Nancy

With having bipolar disorder myself,I realize the importance of any information to educate myself through this and years to come. So hearing about the personal expierence of others is not only reassuring but supportive as well. I work in the health care field and have seen elderly people with bipolar disorder. It is extremely sad to think that some families place them in care facility’s then rarely visit again.Getting the word out there to educate will hopefully change what some have to live with. What a terrible thought that I would be without my family when the last years of my life are to come. Thanks for sharing Dave.

i dont have any friends left because of peoples ignorance towards bipolar so i spend a lot of time alone as my partner works 10 hours a day and my 14 year old daughter is in part time care because i wasnt there for her emotional needs which makes me feel as though ive failed her

Every so often, we read in the paper about someone who jumped into a river or lake to save someone who was thought to be drowning. In these cases all to often it is the rescuer who is drowned. We were lectured thouroughly about this at swimming lessons every summer. We were taught to avoid contact with the victim. With my bipolar father, I learned through bitter experience that his illness could pull me down with him. In fact he liked to do just that, so that I would understand how he lived. I always refused. But what he needed even more than sympathy, was someone who could control him during his rages. I think that had I been big enough and trained in self defence he would have been able to back off. As it was I think the family dog had the best idea. He simply looked for cover, where he could not be seen. By this means he survived being a puppy.
I learned many years later, that in addition to him screaming at me, hitting me, and ridiculing me in front of family and friends, he libelled me to his family. I was never given a chance to defend myself. what I think people who are living in that kind of environment need most, is to seek help (counselling) for themselves. It is essential that they know just how much abuse they can handle, because that is what they’ll get. Then they need to be prepared to walk away, to find a good friend or relative with whom they can talk. It might jus mean a movie, and maybe supper until the storm blows over. (what a lot of metaphors this disease creates) Keep in mind that the people who work in institutions have a major advantage over family members who were simply drafted. They get to go home after eight hours. They too have ways to handle the abuse, or they don’t survive in the field. If the only way that the BPD patient can be kept safe, is to send to an institution, particularly if they have gone off their meds, the caregiver must not interfere, but do everything to co operate. Remember that you will be of little use if you end up dead…either directly because of the abuse, or indirectly because of the physical results of that kind of stress. Caregivers need to have their own space, and to set their personal limits. Then they need to leave.

i just wanted to let everyone know that Oprah is doing an episode on bipolar tonight that should be interesting.
Thanks

David, I wanted to comment on this particular message. You are very right that as a supporter I should consider the source and situation. I know that when my husband or son are in a episode they will say things that are incredibly mean and not remember saying them. BUT, that does not excuse them for doing these things. If they are simply allowed to say mean things in a episode and never have any consequences to deal with for having said the things they will use their disorder as an excuse. They must be at least told what they have said and I feel that they owe me an appology. I have told my husband that bi-polar is not an excuse for bad behaviour only the reason it happens. If he were to commit a crime he would be held responsible for it, even if he was in an episode. So, why should he be allowed to say mean things and never have to appologize?

I will try to “remember the source” but I am not sure that I can excuse it all for that reason. I have feelings too and they don’t deserve to be trampled. Thanks

Thanks for reminding us….when you hear BS…consider the source. The BS is the disease talking..not my loved one. Thanks, Lyn

Thank you so much for all the free insight into bipolar disorder, a malady which only recently I have been diagnosed. My condition had to reach a severe crisis involving a stay at a mental hospital before anyone, including myself, understood why I behaved in such “unusual ways” from early childhood. I am nearly 55 years old. I can now have hope, and put a name to my condition.

David, I have given a lot of thought to “consider the source,” and it DOES make sense. My mother had a niece who has NEVER accepted my diagnosis or that I even HAVE a mental illness, and she says the most despicable things to me when we ever get together. Things like, “You broke your Mother’s heart,” “You never cared for your Mother,” “Stop acting like a crazy person,” etc.

I took my Mother in for four years with Alzheimer’s, and she lived with my husband and me until I finally had to put her in a nursing home. This niece held it against me that I would put my Mother in a nursing home. She snubbed me, and acted in the most hideous manner whenever we got together, even at the nursing home. I did all I could for my Mother when she lived with us; cooking, cleaning, helping her with dressing, bathroom duties, etc., until it threatened my mental health. But – the niece never took that into account.

To be specific, this niece has a “chip on her shoulder” the size of a log. She is not the most pleasant person to begin with, and I don’t see why my cousin ever married her. But – I am civil to her, and when we’re together, we carry on in a personable manner. Some people like her; the majority don’t.

To be fair, she has appeared at both my weddings, both my husbands’ funerals, and even helped me out when my car broke down 30 miles from home. But – she doesn’t LIKE me. It oozes out of every pore, and no matter what I do to be friendly, she pushes me away.

THIS is the kind of person I have learned to “consider the source.” She has never acknowledged my successes, only my failures. If she EVER said a kind word to me, or about me, I don’t know about it. I have learned to just take her with “a grain of salt,” and accept that she will NEVER accept me as part of the family (I am adopted; that may be part of the problem.)

So, I thank you, David, for pointing out this very human lesson. It holds true for bipolar survivors as well as supporters, I’m sure. It would make for a much more personable atmosphere if people would only adjust their thinking that it’s the OTHER person’s problem, and NOT their’s.

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and the supporters that love them. God loves you, and so do I.

Thank you for todays reminder. My friend is bipolar and I sometimes forget he is. he handles his bipolar very well. Yesterday I had a crisis and I expected him to respond they way I needed him to. I forgot to keep my expectations based in reality with hium and didn’t explain well enough so I was disappointed. I know he did the best he could and I will appologizse to him when I see him tomorrow. Thank you for clearing the fog from my brain and saving this valuable friendship.

Marian

Morning,

I have been diagnosed with bipolar, at first it was just major depression now I see on my file that my doctor has labelled me bipolar. I am on government medication as I do not have medical aid. Fluoxetine 40mg, and Epilim 1000mg per day. I have recently (2 weeks ago) been put on Lithium 250mg, he said also to help control my various OCD’s. But one thing I just can not shake at this stage is self mutilation. whenever I upset someone or have a minor “eppisode” I end up cutting myself, either on the tummy, arms, or legs with whatever I can get in my hands. Its like i feel like a pressure cooker with steam building up, after cutting i have a hugh releif of pressure and it makes me feel better. is there any other medication that I could take when I have these “freak outs” in stead of the cutting. Its a bit embarrasing cos my body is full of marks but I just cant stop, people ask me what happened and I end up telling stupid lies to cover it or end up wearing long clothes to hide the marks. At the moment i am feeling very frustrated in my job as my boss does not understand my moods, the people im arround seem to think they know what is going on but mean while they are just making it worse for me, hence the pressure i am under is building again to the point where I know the next time I will just give in. I have had the gun in my mouth……. had the knife pointed at my heart, drunk the pills, but I still feel lost and alone. Im tired.

Hi David. I’ve been Bipolar for about 10 years now,and in the begining it was very rough for me and my family.I was depressed and manic at the same time,switching back and forth hour to hour.I found it very differcult to make even simple decsions, and told people who were hepling me they are wrong with decisions they were making to help me.I had three jobs at the time,and the one job was killing me with the people there!I moved shortly later 350 miles away after I retired to the country where I thought it would be better,and it was except for the finances part of it.I,m on disability,can’t find a job,and the bills are racking up.My Bipolar is somewhat stable with up and downs,and a foggy decision making process.It took me many years to feel my way through this ordeal by myself without really any help from anyone but my wife.I credit her for what she went through when I was very differcult to deal.I don’t remember anything I did,but she later told me some things.I’m more stable thanks to my doctor and medications I’m on.I take my meds 3x a day and 1 once a day. It’s very important to take those meds and try to keep a strong healty mind.We can do what others can if we use postive thinking.Take each day at a time!I read your emails Dave,I only wished they came sooner,but I still read them.You put alot of work into them indeed,but I haven’t brought anything because I don’t think I’ll need it,not to mention I don’t have a credit card.Take it easy Dave,and good luck-keep up the good work

hi dave, i wanted to thank you for all the emails. i have been so overwhelmed with all the info that i have found since my 24 year old daughter has been dignoised with bp. i am fortunate that she has accepted the fact that she has to be on meds for the rest of her life (and not liking that one bit)AND go to therapy. we are still trying to find the right medication(s)for her. she has her highs and lows so frequently that i have pretty much put my life on hold for her. she is trying to keep a relationship together with the father of her son that hasnt researched the illness to know what to do and not to do during an episode. they live together but not married. right now there is a high level of choas in their lives because he is not being supportive of her and reconizing when she is having an episode. when she is in a rage he makes it worse by arguing with her. i only know what i have read lately about bp. i try and follow the advice of that that is written thru experience. there is so much more that i could go on about but another time. thanks again dave for the comfort in you emails. tracie