Hi,
I hope you’re doing ok.
I heard this thing that Norma Bombeck once said, that normal is just a setting on your
dryer.
And I thought that was funny.
Because a lot of people write to me or talk to me about how they don’t feel normal or think they are normal anymore just because they’ve got bipolar disorder now.
Or their supporters write to me or talk to me and say that their lives aren’t normal anymore because their loved one has bipolar disorder now.
And I thought about what Norma Bombeck said.
What is normal, anyway?
I think it’s whatever is normal for you.
Or maybe you had a “normal” before, but now you just have a different “normal.”
Does that make sense?
I have a friend who goes to Alcoholics Anonymous, and she says they have a saying that talks about “living life on life’s terms.”
I have another friend who says “you have to play the hand that you’re dealt.”
I think what they mean is that no, you didn’t ask to have bipolar disorder, or to have a loved one with the disorder – and yes, your lives have certainly changed because of it…
But that doesn’t mean your lives have to be worse.
Your life is whatever you make it – whatever “normal” is for you.
In my courses/systems, I don’t talk in terms of normal or abnormal. I talk in terms of stability. And I think that’s what you should be concentrating on more.
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And I don’t think you should be comparing yourself to other people, either.
I’ve seen that happen at some of the support groups I volunteer at, and it’s pretty sad, because it makes some people feel better while making other people feel worse.
I’m sorry if that sounds mean, but I’ve seen it happen too many times.
The ones who are doing really well kind of look down on the ones who aren’t, the ones who are still struggling.
And the ones who are still struggling compare themselves to the ones who are doing really well and wonder if there’s something wrong with them, because they aren’t doing as good.
That’s what I mean by what is normal, anyway?
Are you NOT normal if you’re not doing as good as someone else with their bipolar disorder?
And if you’re a supporter, are you not normal if you’re not handling your loved one’s bipolar disorder as good as the next person?
NO!
You’re doing the best you can for YOU!
And THAT is NORMAL for YOU!
Every person has their own normal.
Please don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
The only people you should be concerned about are yourselves.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
Thank you I really needed to read that this morning because When I sit and watch things that my sister in law (who is living with us)shes in an insest relationship with another family member and I caught them red handed @ 12:00am this morning and I told my husband and when he says something about it they try and make it like it like I’m lying and blame it on the fact that I have Bipalar disorder and try to make like I’m crazy and I know what I saw but now I know Im not crazy I might be bipolar but Im not crazy.
This was a good thing to read today…I’m having a real struggle right now…and I get so sick of people who dont understand my boyfriends bipolar judging me…everyone thinks I”M WEAK because I LET him treat me bad…its not the case…he has been in a episode for about 3 months now…and he is an alcoholic and many other things…he is kinda okay in the mornings but as the day goes on things always get ugly…people who don’t understand think I’m just being to nice and need to demonstrate “TOUGH LOVE” but he is rapid cycling in my oppion and I just “DO THE OPPOSITE” of what he is doing and I”m just waiting for him to hit bottom get into the deep depression because that and being in Jail are the only times you can really get him to get any kind of help!! Right now I would be scared of the RAGE he displays when he gets drunk and manic at the same time…its just not worth fighting with a manic person…but I feel I”M STRONGER then any of them would ever be because I love and care enough to NOT act out and just let it be….maybe one day he will get the help he needs or maybe one day I will move on and just find a new life…but I have been working on understanding this condition for almost 2yrs now…so “WHAT IS NORMAL” isn’t the same for everyone and we should let someone who doesn’t understand the “WHOLE” picture of our lives try and influance our daily survival!! I am doing the best I can living with a bipolar person who is NOT yet getting the help they need….and I feel okay about what I have to do to stay as normal as I can!
Thanks everyone for listening!!
Hugs
HI THERE READERS…..
I am normal beleave you me but to day i feel realy shitty but thats okay to feel like that in it. A think some people play about with your vonrobilaty so that is why it is hidden.Yes people are doing better than others but its not wrong to want a bit of that, that is called a goal. O by the way i went on a course and it nocked me for 6. Or well al love yous and leave yous.
P.S Yes life is wot you make it and i am trying to take a different root if that makes any sence; Nobody is better than you have faith in your self i do. x
Take Care Linda. x
Good morning David (and others). As always, I enjoyed reading your e-mail this morning and I have to agree with you, “normal” is a subjective term. My wife is Bipolar but I still see our live as “normal” because we’re still able to enjoy the same things as other folks who aren’t Bipolar. Heck, if folks wanted to question “normal” they could probably raise that question for me too as I suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. Does that change my “normal?” No I still do all the things I did before I was diagnosed . . . I am a writer, a community volunteer, elder in my church and on and on. I guess what I’m trying to say is live your life the way that you want to live it . . . not based on someone elses definition of “normal.”
WHAT IS NORMAL?
Society has labeled me mentally unwell.
WHY?
Define Normal?
The dictionary definition is: conforming to what is standard or usual; free from mental or emotional disorders.
Have you met anyone that fits this definition?
Studies have shown that ‘life’ can and will cause depression.
Has anyone experienced life?
I sing loudly whilst out walking.
Am I mad? Or just exuberant?
We are conditioned to suppress emotions.
What if you cannot?
There are a lot of reasons to cry – like war.
Society states war is normal.
The perimeters for what is normal are narrowing as more and more mental illnesses are discovered.
In other words society dictates what is normal.
Is psychiatry an agent of social control?
Being abnormal allows me to converse into different realities:
When I was a child I would speak to the people others cannot see. It was acceptable, cute and showed a healthy imagination.
As an adult if I speak to the people you cannot see I am abnormal.
Just because you cannot see or hear them, does that mean they are not there?
Carl Jung, went through a stage of confessed madness, he embraced it and wrote his collected works ‘Dreams, Visions and Reflections.’ He saw knights from the crusades and talked to them. This man is one of my most respected peers.
Is he normal?
Most people take drugs to get high.
That is considered normal.
I take prescribed drugs to stop being high.
That is considered abnormal.
Off medication I am a spontaneous child that wants to run, skip, jump, sing, be loud, be happy and abnormal.
Society deems itself fit to judge.
I judge society. I am abnormally normal.
David: As House says (and has a T-shirt to prove it!), “Normal’s Overrated.”
Thank you for all of your e-mails, and for your persistent faithfulness to your subject of bipolar disorder. You are like a good friend in a world that can become chaos at times.
Nancy Viens
Nancy.Viens@UNT.EDU
HI….
A JUST WANTED TO NO AS ANY ONE HERD OF A MOOD TRACKER
X LINDA X
My wife has bipolar disorder we have been dealing with this for 7 years now. She can get very violent and abusive. Over the years she has had several boyfriends and other sexual encounters. This last time she has been with and still is with a homeless drunk sex offender. She has left me once for other man but this last one she was with for 3 weeks came home 3 days later went back to him for 5 days and came back home for 2 ½ months. I fond out she was still talking and seeing him. I gave her a choice and she left, she may have stayed one night with him but now she is at a girl friends house (and is still seeing him). The last 3 weeks have been hell for me more so than before she had stopped talking and being intimate with me and she was saying that there was nothing wrong. Last week was her birthday she didn’t want to celebrate it with me and she went out alone for 5 hours (she was with him). I can’t have her keep doing this to me, we have 4 children 9 years and under the baby is 22 months and all the kids are special needs kids. Lately she is saying I’m the abusive one here and she is looking at and calling hotlines on me. I have police reports on her being abusive to me and DCFS has had encounters with her about the kids. Family and friends have told me I’m not the one that’s abusive here, she is and being very controlling to. What can I do with her? Should she belong in a hospital? She is refusing to do that to. She also stops seeing her counselors and doctors after a month or two for fear that they are getting to know how she is. Why didn’t she run after meeting me? Does a stable person do this? Should my marriage to her be over? What do I do?
Hi David and All,
I appreciate today’s topic on what “normal” is. I like Erma’s expression – that it’s a setting on the dryer. That diffuses it 🙂
For me, normal is when my perception of reality isn’t skewed. It’s when what I think and what I feel are rational. It’s when I, like you said, don’t compare myself with others. Everyone is different and in different places in life. We can’t possibly compare ourselves to others, because like you said, everyone is at different places in their bipolar illness. Some better off, some worse.
I do think branding isn’t a good idea, normal or not. It puts expectations on me that aren’t healthy. What ever normal is, I try to achieve a balance every day. I do that by keeping tabs on my symptoms, taking medications, going to therapy, the whole enchilada!
Ebony, No, you aren’t crazy. You saw what you saw. And it’s too bad your husband is not listening to you. They are obviously in their own twisted world and you were caught in the middle of it. Your sil has issues and if I were you, I would not want that in my house, under my roof!
Do the people with bipolar get cured?
If you have a lot of corrage, and try to keep your environment as stable as you can, you can manage bipolar.
I sufferd a lot, I went through a lot,
I struggled so much, but I am doing ok at the moment.
Ok, I belive you are “normal” by being abnormal! Everyone is different so who cares! people need to accept who they are and be glad that they are themselves! Nobody truely knoes what normal is so get over it! All you have to do is be you and love yourself! Noone has the right to judge you but you!
Ebony’s compment #2 should be deleted.
Could me a major trigger for some who follow these posts.
Great e-mail today. It really hit me where I live. I’m thankful there’s someone out there who’s really doing the bipolar community some good.
~~Talitha, dx’d with Bipolar I four years ago
Hi…I am In AA like your friend, Dave. I am a year sober, and my boyfriend of nine years is bipolar..he asked me yesterday if i say he is crazy..I said no .Normal does not exist at least not in my world.. more later…thanks Dave for your supprt!
In case anyone wants to read the author you were quoting, her name is Erma Bombeck. She has a lot of funny books. Unfortunately she passed away many years ago. I used to read her column in several magazines and have read her books.
Hi Dave,
Normal is a interesting word as what it means. I do believe that normal is as individual as each one of us. It also changes with time. When we were toddlers and learning to walk it was normal for us to be unsteady on our feet and fall. However when we were 20 was it normal to do this? What about the person who suddenly has to use a walker due to an injury. Before the injury it wasn’t “normal” to use the walker but now it is. Bipolar is like an injury and is an illness so what was “normal” before sometimes isn’t “normal” today. I can have a perfectly “normal” day today and perhaps tomorrow I will be in that point of the circle where I am going into an episode and be so depressed that I feel like killing myself. This is a “normal” part of my life and that is a typical feeling I might have. Of course I know that’s when I need the extra help from my support team who knows that is a “normal” for anyone who is in this kind of trouble and are there for me.
Dave, It is Erma Bombeck, not Norma. She was a very funny lady!!
David, I think that you probably mean Erma rather than Norma.
It is not right thinking to compare your insides with someone else’s outsides.
Good newsletter this morning, Dave! As a matter of fact, I don’t remember WHAT I was like BEFORE I was labeled “mentally ill.” I had my first breakdown in 1968, and have had to learn how to live “abnormally” ever since. At the time, as I’ve said before, I had my dream job working in the Senate in D.C.; my first apartment; moving away from home in Chicago; was engaged; etc. etc. Back then, before bipolar disorder was even imagined, I was labeled “schizophrenic.” Like the rest of us, I’m sure, I didn’t WANT to be “mentally ill.”
Forty-one years later, I’m about as “normal” as I’ll ever be. I have soooo many “irons in the fire” that keep me busy (as well as 2 cats!), and am reasonably happy (discounting my external stressors). Every day, I try to be “upbeat” in interpersonal relationships, and the responsibility of taking care of my pets keeps me grounded.
Don’t EVER compare yourself with someone else’s diagnosis. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, or what their triggers might be. Just work on your own recovery, and do the best you can with what you’ve got.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I ernestly pray for my country.
Well the only thing I know for sure is that I’m not normal, in my teenage years I sat at home in my bedroom looking out the window watching the other kids come and go from the house nextdoor ( a gathering spot for teens my age) thinking what is wrong with me that other people dont like me. When I was 17 I found that drinking alcohol made me tolorable with them, I did that untill my first breakdown, got help from a great doctor who knew what was happening with me and got me straightend out so I could return to work, with a prestigous company in my town. All was ok untill I had my second breakdown,I was off work for nine months,and a big liability , to my employer of 14 years,and I was laid off idefinately, my positon was eliminated, then my wife found another love (from her workplace) and she gave me the boot, I was so bad off that I didn’t contest the Divorce and gave up custody of my 2 children ages 2 and 5 ,also my house went to her and everything in it. I was near beat but my Dr. said everything would get better, after long conselling sessions and the right medication I was normal for the first time in my life! It was 3 years after, I thought I couldn’t live a minute longer, that I took a position at the same hospital which I was admitted to(as a very abnormal patient) just a few years ago. Soon after I met the nicest person (with some of the same circumstances as mine) we are still in love ten years later and living very well. Like my Dr. told me things will get better! I was 40 years of age when I became normal, whatever that is…Jag.
I would really like to thank you because your info has been very helpful to me. My family and I are really suffering as a result of my Bi-Polar. My 6yr old son also has the disorder and I have a suspiscion that my 15yr old daughter also has it. Please let me know how I can manage my family affairs without this taking over our lives.
Amen! My saying is similar – Normal is simply a setting on the dryer or a town in Illinois! I also plan on developing my ecintricities now while I am young so no one will think I’ve lost it in my old age. That was a paraphase of something Hawkeye Pierce said on MASH once.
My brother was just saying that the other day. Our mom is always asking me if I would please be “more” normal. What does she mean by that? I am an educated, hard working member of society. I pay my taxes, have my own home business, a solid marriage to the best husband in the world, pay my bills on time and take good care of myself. I also take care of my husband the best I have. Yes, with bipolar I have more bad days than the average person, but I turn them around and do what I can. The key is loving yourself JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!
That doesn’t mean don’t take care of yourself. That means don’t worry about things you can’t change. I can’t change the fact I have Bipolar, but I can change how I react to it. Besides, normal (what ever that is) is highly over rated.
LindaX;
Mood tracka I had that on my PC, you download it free.
Each day you post your mood, then you can see if their are any Vairiations.
Linda have you found that site for me, the one for psych. Victims?
How about IAAPA, or CCHR, or just Google victimsofpsychiatry.
David;
I think I am now “Normal” as I have NONE of the Brain Functions I always took for Granted, then I read “Normal” people do not have these features.The ones shared with Da-Vinci…
Whole Brain Function…
Being a Whole Human…
Now I dont have these functions, my mind is NOT 1/2 what it was, I thus have NO life.
As Hendrix said “aint NO Life Nowhere.”
Fancy the “medication” could even do that to him, when it was LESS than 1/10 the strength of today.
HOW is Brain Damage, Medicaly Induced or otherwise of Benifit?
Please enter a debate with me, NOBODY else will, NOT psych. NOR psych. professor.
AS I see they have NOT a leg to stand on…
ROCHELLE;
You do know don’t you that ALL psych. “treatment” Destroys areas of the Brain, which in turn produce ALL the behaviours listed in the psych Bible, the DSM?
IT HAS BEEN PROVEN VIA BOTH SCIENCE & MEDICINE.
THEIR IS NO SCIENCE, NOR MEDICINE TO BACK ANY A PSYCH. SAYS OR DOES.
IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.
15 Year old Woman, of course they have moods, we ALL do. Their are reasons for ALL moods. If Moods where not necessary for life, after ALL these Millions of Years, instead of developing them, we would be losing them.
If one has NO mood, check for a Pulse. If you can’t handle the moods of your young Woman. You need help.
ALL Moods have a Cause, a reason, NO psych. I have assessed has ever wanted to discuss ANY reason for any Mood I had, Just render me Comatose with Vile Drugs.
For example, Depression can be caused by LOW Cholestrol….
How on Earth could a 6 Year old be diagnosed as BP?
6 Year olds are 6 Year olds…
MY 6 Year old will NEVER be near a psych..
I knew psych. was THE Lowest form of life, now they stoop even lower. Destroying the Minds of Chilren B4 they devolop.
Like Tobbaco companies they need forever younger consumers, as the “consumer” of such poducts Dies rapidly.
The longer a “consumer” the more Ca$h!
Noticed how BP is getting a lot of advertising of late, World Wide? TV Charactors,Movie characters, adverts…..
Same as they had done earilier for ADD, ADDD, ADHD. Then people complained psych. where lableing too many with those Lables.
Now it’s happening with BP. Seems A’s are done, now B’s, Moving through the DSM?
Seems they want to destroy the Minds/Lives of ALL World Wide. Make us easier to control. ALL No Brained Sheep.
With a psychs. Learned Stupidity, and persona, combined with the Drugs, ANY Mind can be Destroyed.QED?
The one to make the “diagnosis” & the Drug cartels.
Have you ever been Very Happy?
Have you ever been very Sad?
Hasn’t everybody?
We must ALL be Bi-Polar,LOL SAD.
We ALL have Moods from Both Poles, do we ALL use Both Sides of the Brain though?
DES;
I have read that whilst “manic” we can be agressive. However I was once “manic” I did not sleep for over 2 Months. I still ran a large Factory, made the Owner Far more Wealthy with my Ideas….
Now post psych. if I had an original thought it would Die of Lonleness. As I almost did, had to stop psych. “medication.”
In my 2+ months of “mania,” each Day I felt better, the World was so beautiful, the people… I was so Happy.
I could not be angered….
I am also an Alcoholic, I did not sleep as I had not had a Drink in a Month B4 I stopped sleeping. I used to only get 24 hrs a week anyway, and that took a lot of Drinking.
I went to “hospital” as the Women I was living with, they felt it was Bad, as they knew I did not sleep, as they came and went 24/7 also.
Your Man may be agressive from Drinking? Some are like this. If he dosn’t like you when he’s Drunk, Well?
Do you discuss the issues when he is well, sober, tell him/show him what he said, done?
As he may not rember he will probably feel what he has done was terrible and curb his ways.
It has happened B4.
The “Blackout” Yes I have seen Women I have spent Days with, I don’t rember ever seeing them B4 when I next meet them. Alcohol, not BP.
It is said we do not rember what we do in our “episodes.”
I rember all mine, though I may not truly have the “disorder.”
I have Medicaly Induced Brain Damage, which premotes some behaviours listed in the DSM. Fancy that?
Perhaps people say they don’t rember as it is embarrassing, the way psych. treatment destroys a Mind.
EBONY;
A US professor of psychiatry & another from the UK both told me via email:
“BI-POLAR DOES NOT MUKE YOU INSANE.”
So tell the incestuos couple. Whose insane.
http://www.freedommag.org
TANYA, LindaX;
It would be great if people went around singing, I favour happeness any Day over anger.
“antipsychotics” & or “moodstabelizers” make me angry, devolop ALL which is listed in the DSM. Strangley enough the Drugs do the exact opp. of what “drs” tell me they do.
If we had NO Moods,or NO changes in Mood constantly in a state of nowhere,or just had 1 Mood. Or Nothingness as on “antipsychotics.”
Their would be NO life.
“Aint no life nowhere.” Jimmi Hendrix. Yes he was on psych. “Medication.” it Ruined him, then Killed him.
Veriety is the spice of life. Different Moods, tastes…
I believe it would be terrible in Heaven, NO challenge, NO danger, only Peace & Happiness.Each Day the same, you cannot Die, feel Pain…
How would one know or enjoy Pleasure if one had never experienced Pain? Joy Whithout sadness… Pure happiness with no shades of sorrow. It would be Mind Numbing.
Even Sex gets Boring. “manic” “depresed” “medicated” Or Just as I am Brain damaged, even Pre psych. it got Boring.
NANCY, & Tanya;
You show a lot of insight & intelligence, be careful, the Gov. of the World don’t like People with Minds.
Did you know a scientoligist can refuse treatment where all othere in Australia cannot?
Why, we are ALL Australians? Perhaps this is why Scientology is growing SO Rapidly?
TURTLE;
Like your Handle. When I was on “Medication” I made the Slow Moving Sloth look like a Cheater, then its’ Mind was also far Superior.
When the drugs are lowered you will improve. Keep up the Morning excercise, & Fish or Krill Oil, I take 3 to 5000mg a Day, & have weaned off all meds, bar 250mg Lithium daily. I read it’s good for the Brain in Miniscule doses.
If you are a Vegan or other, Flaxseed will supply the Omega3 DHA. The Brain is vertualy made of it.
I pray for your Country.
Troy.
We have a 41 year old in the family that we ‘think might’ have bipolar. Things are so bad at times that even he says “I dont like this, I need help and I want to change”. Where can we go in the FW area to get help, to get tested, etc? We love this family member but, it is hard on us all.
Thank You