Hi,
How’s it going today? Yesterday something
happen to me that happens all the time
when people are dealing with bipolar disorder
or mental health in general. I call it
“the turn around.”
It’s kind of funny but I like to give things
names. My friends make fun of me about that.
Let me explain what happen and then explain
what the turn around is. Okay, I am currently
moving. If you have been on my list for more
than a week, you are probably really tired
of me talking about it.
You might think, “Dave I am tired of
you moving, I wish you would just move,
what the heck is wrong with you?”
I don’t know what’s wrong with me either.
The move has taken way longer. It’s because
there are a bunch of people involved and
each one has let me know. Well not everyone
but most of the people. Anyway, let me get
to the important bipolar disorder warning.
So yesterday I went into a big store that
was suppose to measure my window and make
my blinds. I started this entire process
July 3, 2007. I just got my measurements
for the blinds yesterday. It’s only suppose
to take like 3 to 4 days. That’s it.
I had to call the store maybe 7 to 8 times
and go by and try to hunt down the measuring
people or people with the information. I made
about 4 trips with the right people being
“out”, “sick”, “on lunch”, etc.
So yesterday I was super mad. I called up
the manager of the store and I got the
operations person. To make a really long
story, I explain what happen from a to
z with a time line. Guess what? He turns
it around on me. He did the turn around.
The sad part is, I know what happens in
mental health with let’s say bipolar disorder.
How the turn around is used all the time,
but I wasn’t expecting it. So I kind of
got caught off guard until about 25 minutes
into the conversation.
Basically he said that it was my fault
because it took so long. And there was the
4th of the July holiday and I didn’t
give the store the right phone number. And
I didn’t come into the store fast enough. And
if one measuring person was taking too long
then I could have requested another one (like
I would know that), on and on and on.
He basically talked down to me like I had no
clue and then kept saying, “I don’t know why
you are getting so wound up.” Hmmm. Maybe
because I spent money to get some stuff and
it took like 12 days longer than they told me
it should.
Then I used a technique you should and probably
are going to have to use for bipolar disorder.
As this person was talking to me I finally realized
he is no different than a bad mental health worker/
provider so I prepared to treatment this way.
I finally said, “Dave (that was his name too),
you seem to be doing something I call the turn
around in mental health terms. You are not
taking responsibility for what’s been going on
and turning it around on me the customer. I have
not done and thing wrong and you are suppose
to be about customer service. You have failed.
Because I run several mental health sites including
one that gets over 1 million visitors a year, I am
an expert at dealing with very difficult people
who don’t accept responsibility for a given matter.”
I then asked him for:
His first and last name
His title
His boss’s name
And thanked him for his time. I then indicated that I would
be calling corporate to get a third party to evaluate the
situation and the timeline to help figure out what should
be done since he was turning it around on me. I told him
how I was going to write probably a 3 to 5 page letter
by tomorrow and send and call as well.
I noted that I had times/dates and people. I then asked
several times if he was new to being a manager
because he seemed to have a different philosophy
then most people that do customer service or are in
charge of a store.
IMMEDIATELY he changed his tune. He said, “Well you
don’t have to do all that. What will make you happy?”
I told him. I want my measuring fee back, I want
the right measurements and I want some to give me
the right estimate on how much my blinds are
going to cost and to sit with me for 10 minutes
to make sure I am getting the right stuff. I know
NOTHING about blinds.
He said “oh, okay, no problem.” So it was done.
It took 5 minutes after I got tough with him.
LESSONS TO LEARN FOR BIPOLAR DISORDER
I really want to warn you. And I am not kidding
around. You will find in mental health you’re
going to get the turn around all the time. People
in mental health almost never accept responsibility.
And if you have bipolar disorder, it’s worse. It’s
so easy to blame it on you because you have a mental
illness.
If anything goes wrong, most places and people in
mental health will simply try to turn it around
on you, blame you, make you go away WITHOUT what
you should or what you really want and beat
you into the ground while making you feel dumb.
This is the truth. I am going to get tons of
hate mail from people who work in the field
telling me that what I say is not true.
It’s true.
So, here’s what you do. When you are going
to deal with someone for a mental health related
issue like:
Why medication was wrong
Why a prescription wasn’t filled
Why an insurance bill was not paid or overcharged
Why you can’t see your loved one’s doctor
Why you were overcharged for something
Why your loved one was put somewhere they weren’t
suppose to
Why you or your loved one didn’t get a part of care
you were suppose to
Why the police mistreated you or your loved one
ETC.
Most of the time, you will get the turn around.
They will try to turn it around on you. Blame you.
Be prepared. Get a small note book and carry it
with you at all time. Write first and last names
down, times and places. Make notes. People hate
to give their first and last name. They hate
when you talk about writing their boss or
the head of the organization. It scares them.
They don’t want you to make trouble for them
because whatever bad they are doing, they
are doing to many other people so if they
keep you quiet they can keep on doing it.
Final thing, make your requests reasonable
not a joke.
In my courses/systems many people who
I interview talk about the turn around
all the time and how it’s a big problem
in the field and some ideas on how to
deal with it. I feel that my method works
very well even though you have to be tough:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Well I have to run. Catch you tomorrow. I really
hope this makes sense because this is really
serious stuff.
Did you know that the big episode my mom
went into starting in 2003 through 2004
was because her OLD doctor would not
put her in the hospital even though my
mom asked him to multiple times. Imagine
that. My mom asked to go to the hospital
because she was very sick. He didn’t respond
at all and she got worse and worse. When I questioned
him, he turned it around on her basically saying
she didn’t ask him correctly? He’s a dummy.
POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
I have been receiving your posts for a couple of weeks. I have to say “Thank You.” I have often wondered if my loved one was the only one who use the “turn around.” I do have one major concern. My loved one also has had major trama in her life. She was raped by an uncle many years ago. Which was confirmed my me, I found the news article from the small town she comes from. I understand you have written about trying to stop some of the stress in her life and am currently working on taking care of her finincial responsibilites. She works the night shift at a prision and she loves it. However she also has 3 children under the age of 5. I have aranged for a sitter when I go to work in the morning when she takes her meds. Which of course make her sleep 6-8 hours. She gets home around 6 am and picks up the children around 11 am. In your opinion (and I understand it is an opinion and not a medical reply), is she a threat to her children? She loves her children very much but when her episode hits when she is not properly medicated (which is still a work in progress)she yells at them in an overly agressive tone. Which in turn I have noticed the children have started acting up in an abnormal way. Turning to yelling and then to violence. Bottom line, in your opinion is she a threat?
I have been receiving your emails for about 3 weeks. I am a struggling supporter of my husband of 3 months…didn’t know he had been bi polar or adhd all his life…he hasn’t the desire to seek professional help. I thought the “don’t let them turn it on you” would be about my how he turns situations he has created onto me or someone / something else. How can someone with disorders like this be held accountable without causing so much stress? Look forward to hearing from you…Judy
you don’t know how much reading your articles means to me, i suffer from a bipolar disorder as does my daughter, i can read this and really understand where it’s coming from, i have had a bad episode the last few weeks, my husband wants us to move and i can’t stand the thought of change, i don’t think i can deal with it, even tho he is right, i know, reading your articles really helps me alot—-keep up the good work with all the help your giving everyone!!!!!
been there,done that
How do you get the health care professionals to realize that they may not be treating the patient correctly?
Hi Dave.
thanks for your input. My daughter who is recently diagnosed with bipolar has been getting the turn around quit a bit lately. She is going to a state funded outpatient mental health clinic for her medications and treatment because she cannot afford private practice, she is married with two children but she has been unable to work due to her illness. She has called the so called “Hotline” several times when she is feeling like she needs some help or when she has a problem with her medication ( she has been on meds for only about 2 months and hasnt found the right combination yet, Each time she is told to go to the emergency room. She did once, they sent her to a so called “stabilization unit” in handcuffs and put her in a locked facility, took all her personal things away from her and put her on Thorazine 100mg 3 times a day in addition to the medications she was already on. She called the “Hotline” because she didnt like the meds she was already on, they made her very sedated, couldn’t remember what she had done the day before and was still crying uncontrollably. I got her out of there as fast as I could, but the damage is done. The turn around on her was that she felt she had done something to be ashamed of, she felt as though she had done something wrong, broken the law or something. All she was doing was reaching out for help at a very low point in her life. Now, on top of the bipolar, she is paranoid that if she tells a doctor or counselor how she really feels she will be locked up and drugged again. I hope alot of people read this, I intend to send this story to every doctor, clinic, congressman and senator in my state as well as the department of mental health in my state and any other organization that I can find. Maybe someone out there will see the problem with this system.
Oh, and one of the most infuriating things about this whole situation. When I called the “stabilization unit” that she was sent to and spoke with the nurse and ask to speak to a doctor to request that the Thorazine be discontinued, I was told if I didn’t like the way she was being treated that I could transfer her to a private pay facility which costs at least 3000.00 just to get in the door.
I read your most recent daily advice with sadness in my heart. As a mental health care provider I understand your frustration but am saddened by your blaming the system. I should be spending about two to three times more with my clients than I have time to but we do the best we can with the limited resources we have. I am a dedicated mental health care provider, and my clients frequently express their appreciation directly to me, or my supervisors. Some days they do not like me because I do hold them accountable for their actions/lack of actions. As a person with a mental illness, or loved one, it is your responsibility to take action for your care, know your stressors, and eliminate the things/people that create those stressors. Life is too short to live in anguish. Life is beautiful enjoy it. I also am on the receiving end of the mental health field due to a head injury and had to fight the label of depression (well PTSD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, and a cognitive deficit NOS secondary to TBI –I think that is how they are wording it now.) So trust me I know/feel everything you talked about. But once I took responsibility for my medical care and said to the dr’s “this is what’s going on, here is the research for head injury I have done and this is what I think”. Then they stood up and took me seriously. Every symptom I tried to explain they said “oh that’s just depression” and no one would take care of my head injury issues which caused me to loose my college degree and have had to fight like hell to get back to where I am today.
So when you’re writing to every politician and newsperson in the country how about you stress to them how important it is to have FUNDING for mental health care facilities so we can have the man hours, staffing, and appropriate therapies available to us to give better care to our clients.
You are right about one thing it is about taking responsibility, but educating our clients on how to do that is equally important. Many people in the mental health care system don’t have the correct thought processes to understand taking responsibility. How do you get a schizophrenic to understand keeping your bills paid when they are more concerned with getting rid of the voices that terrorize them. How do you get someone with a paranoid disorder to properly store food when they are sure the government is poisoning it? Until you have walked a mile in our shoes maybe you should not proclaim yourself as an expert in the field.
Incidentally, I have always wondered when was the last time you had any psychological testing done? First of all many mental health disorders tend to be genetic, and secondly your thoughts are so scattered and rambled that sometimes it is hard to keep up with your train of thoughts.
And what, Dave, do we supporters do when the “turn around” is inflicted upon us by the bipolar loved one? This I know is a NO win situation on my part, but I can’t very well carry a note pad around and ask for his name, but am frustrated beyond my own sanity anymore to get through the day. I’m going through my own therapy to try and recover from all the mental and verbal abuse I suffer from, but it is all so overwhelming. I’m beginning to think I want off this trainwreck.
And what, Dave, do we supporters do when the “turn around” is inflicted upon us by the bipolar loved one? This I know is a NO win situation on my part, but I can’t very well carry a note pad around and ask for his name, but am frustrated beyond my own sanity anymore to get through the day. I’m going through my own therapy to try and recover from all the mental and verbal abuse I suffer from, but it is all so overwhelming. I’m beginning to think I want off this trainwreck.
And what, Dave, do we supporters do when the “turn around” is inflicted upon us by the bipolar loved one? This I know is a NO win situation on my part, but I can’t very well carry a note pad around and ask for his name, but am frustrated beyond my own sanity anymore to get through the day. I’m going through my own therapy to try and recover from all the mental and verbal abuse I suffer from, but it is all so overwhelming. I’m beginning to think I want off this trainwreck.
And what, Dave, do we supporters do when the “turn around” is inflicted upon us by the bipolar loved one? This I know is a NO win situation on my part, but I can’t very well carry a note pad around and ask for his name, but am frustrated beyond my own sanity anymore to get through the day. I’m going through my own therapy to try and recover from all the mental and verbal abuse I suffer from, but it is all so overwhelming. I’m beginning to think I want off this trainwreck.
like the others, ihave recieved a couple of messages from u,….but,.. honestly,… i really do not know what it is all abt. can u pls explain me these stuff first before anything else? and pls,….. can you make it a little bit shorter than the usual one?,…coz it looks quite tiring to read if u send speach-like messages. u could even probably beat a politician with their campaign speach!! but regarding for this opportunity to deal with this interesting org,… thank u so much!!!!!!
Most of what you wrote about had nothing to do with mental illness — just a store owner with no common sense.
As an editor, a reader’s interest begins to drift after the third paragraph, so be brief and to the point.
Concern for mental illness is commendable, but attachment of everyday issues to mental illness is much like the story of Chicken Little. Not everything is falling, not everyone is mentally ill, and not all situations are worthy of mention.
I am new to your information/jargon. I am a mental health professional with bipolar disorder. I take my job very seriously and help everyone who walks through my door. I work in a community mental health organization and although not perfect system, it enables many to get services sometimes free of charge and obtain medications that without insurance are in the hundreds of dollars. In my practice, I am forthright and enabling of my clients to strive for their basis of care. I am there for the basic needs of my client. In my own work on my recovery- and it was work- I realized that the only person who could “cure” me was myself. I know all the techniques, jargon and tricks mind you and still it is me that puts the foot to the pavement. I have learned all of my illness symptoms and worked with viable mental health care providers to keep my moods and behaviors in check. I have a buddy system in check in which trusted friends help me if I seem off track. However, I’m the one popping the psychotropic meds, exercising daily, and using relaxation and meditative practices to gain mental health instead of feeding mental illness. I have been in some sticky situations, but I worked my way out of them, even with limited resources. I am mentally ill, not ignorant, and I used my intelligence and started reading and becoming a consumer of medical care. I push all my clients to do the same. The clients looking for me to “cure” their illness usually do not fare as well as they take no responsibility for their care. In my life, waiting on somebody to care for me in my illness just led to bitterness as I felt stifled and dependent. Like there was something wrong with me that I had no control over. Only when I became more of my own care giver, I became better. Having bipolar at times leaves a person irrational and decisions are difficult. However, the illness is treatable. It’s odd. I am astounded that you sell your ideas on “helping” others. Your grandiosity of your abilities to help thousands of others merely based on sole experiences of helping one person- your mother. You and your mother were never my clients/family and you certainly did not come into my clinic. Mental health treatment is confusing already, you neither help this situation with your tastes of the “cure”. What’s worse, you’re not a professional you haven’t actually had bipolar. You’ve probably talked to many who do who are still searching for their own “cure”. However, at least on their own, they are much richer and less full of your insignificant and pointless jabber. As a professional, I find you offensive and basically paranoid. As a consumer of support for my bipolar disorder, I find you more blaming than helpful. Good luck with your scheme. I hope others realize there are better support networks that are free, such as the Depression/Bipolar support alliance out of Illinois. They have basic information and local chapters in each state to advocate for those with mood disorders.
I have to agree with you on the “turn around”. Although I never realized it had a name. I was getting blamed for a lot of things happening or said. He is going thru an episode and I get blamed. I found out that he had stopped taking his med’s and now is going thru an episode. I asked “why did you stop taking your med’s when you know the consequences”? He didnt respond. although when he was going thru depression because of his new med’s he had to get used to I got blamed cause “I was the one that told him to take his med’s”. I get really dizzy even thinking of this one. Why is that we get blamed for trying to help them from going thru an episode by telling them not to stop taking their med’s? I even asked to go to his doctor when he goes to therapy. He won’t even respond to this one at all. All I want to do is help not hinder the cause. He thinks I’m out to get him by telling his doctor some things that he doesnt want his doctor to know. I just want to know how to handle some situations that may arise.