Hi,
How’s it going?
Well I have to drive back from Connecticut today.
Before I take off, I wanted to talk about something.
Do you complain a lot? Has anyone ever accused you of being a complainer?
Well, I heard about this pastor in a church in Missouri who got tired of his parishioners complaining all the time, usually about trivial things.
So he got this idea of handing out purple rubber bracelets with the words “No Complaints” on them.
The pledge was: to swear off complaining, criticizing, gossiping, or using sarcasm for 21 days. If you could do this, you would get a special certificate.
BUT… if you found yourself complaining, etc., you had to take the bracelet, put it on your other wrist, and start counting all over again!
This began in the summer of 2006, with the pastor’s home church, but by 2007, the idea had grown globally, and they were averaging requests for 7,000 complaint-free purple bracelets a week, to nine countries around the world!
So how does this relate to bipolar disorder?
First of all, because in my courses I talk about having a positive attitude and about positive thinking, affirmations, etc. And being a complainer absolutely does NOT fit into this:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
But anyway, I was thinking about these “complaint-free” bracelets, and I talked to a friend of mine about it. You know, just saying how cool that would be, and wondering out loud if he could do that. He said, “There’s no way I could not complain for 21 days in a row – I’ve got an 18-year-old who still lives at home!”
And I thought, I wonder if I were to ask supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder…what would they say?
Would you react like my friend with the 18-year-old?
I know that being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder is basically a thankless job, because I am a supporter to my mom who has it.
But if you were asked to take on this challenge, would your first reaction be, “No way! I couldn’t go 21 days without complaining – I live with someone who has bipolar disorder!”
Or would you rise up to the challenge and “wear the purple bracelet” and not complain, etc., for 21 days?
bipolar disorder? Could you really go 21 days without complaining, criticizing, or using sarcasm about your loved one withIf so, take a thick rubber band that fits not-too-tight around your wrist and write with marker the words “NO COMPLAINTS” on it.
Are you up to the challenge?
Hey I have to get ready for a long drive. Talk to you to tomorrow.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
That sounds like a very good thing to try. Of course my first reaction is I can not do it. And I do not know if I can. I do have Bi-polar, a ten year old daughter,who is going on 25, and very stressful job. I think I will try to do the challenge as well as challenge my clients to do the same.
I think it’s a GREAT idea, Dave, but how many of us can go even without complaining about the weather??!! Being a person with bipolar, it’s doubly hard to go without complaining about SOMETHING for one day! Just getting the motivation to get out of bed in the morning (or the afternoon) is hard enough.
I WILL try to wrap a rubber band around my wrist, and see just how long I can wear it without complaining. Wish me luck!!
Hi David, what a brilliant idea.I am going to take it a step further and intoduce it to my work collegues, my family and my friends!It should be a laugh to try and get past even day one! I think we will have to go with the theme of competition, it always gets people interested as we all have a competitive edge no matter what the event.I will keep you posted on results. Thanks again for your positivity. Sandra
I love the idea. I have heard of this before and while I though it was a terrific idea I had never really applied it to my own son or to myself. I will try to do this. I need reminding daily as I too often complain about something be it people, things or situations. I have been blessed and I need to acknowledge how very fortunate I am. I know it is hard to be around someone who is constantly complaining about something and in our family we just have to look at each other to know that a walk to another room in what is needed. It is a voluntary remobal from one room to another for a KOOL down time. It works most of the time, but Now I can show the wrist reminder with any looks passing between us. Thank you Dave for your ongoing support, my your empathy for us and for sharing…….Bless you
I am going to try it with a yellow hair band. Thanks for the tip, and this isn’t just for people living with bipolar people, it should be for all of us. We live in a negative society, and this reminds us to be grateful and watch what comes out of our mouths, for it reflects what is in our hearts.
I AM A COMPLAINER, I COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN.
I HAVE BEEN PREVIOUSLY BEEN TOLD TO STOP COMPLAINING, BY ANOTHER COMPLAINER .
WHATEVER WORKS, I AM TIED OF LISTENING TO MYSELF.
This is truely a wonderful idea Dave. Thanks for sharing your ideas and one’s you’ve heard. That’s all I can say with out it being a complaint, not about this site mind you. You are doing a wonderful service to society. Thanks!!!!
I love this idea. My supporter and I need a system by which we can stop ourselves from arguing or getting into a fight. Those arguments usually start with a negative statement or a complaint that I’ve made and he, being so positive all of the time, gets easily frustrated and then complains back and well, you get it. We often argue more about how one is speaking and the negativity than the actual subject matter. By doing this the argument recurs sometime later because we haven’t actually dealt with the issue properly.
The bracelets are a great reminder to stop, reset and try again. Perhaps it will allow us to regain control of the conversation and deal with the issue or emotion rather than the “constant complaining.”
David might have hit on something perfect. Purple would be a color that alot of people don’t use in wristbands, and it would not only be a “No Complainers” wristband…it would bring up the whole idea of relating to the cause cause(s) regarding BiPolar disease. Send me to my address if you can, and I will proudly display (if I can last the whole 21 days) this wristband. Lee Carey
9176 W. Irving #H-102
Boise, Idaho 83704
Thanks David………..
I think this is a good idea. I stopped and thought about the complaints I do as a supporter. I’m not bragging but I have very few. If you loved the person very much and understand what they are going thru then you are less likely to complain about what they do are say because mostly it the bi-polar or medicine talking. They are really the same person you fell in love with just with a different set of problems to help with. Thank you for all the great advise and taking the time to share it with others. God Bless.
Ms. Issac-Swearing and being sarcastic is a bad thing, worse than negativity. I challenge you to stop that for a day. Bet you can’t stop.
I have heard of this before and I think it’s a wonderful idea. My thing is that the person that is my supporter is always negative. Negative even when he hears something good. He imagines a way to find what could go wrong, who wouldn’t comply and so on.
Sometimes I think he wants to see me in a state of confusion because he constantly reminds me of my illness and how he is so informed on the subject and many other issues as well.
Am I complaining?
No!
I just think that if you agree to help some one and you ask them to not complain or disagree with them, then you go and give them something to complain/disagree with them about , your intentions to help are counterproductive. Not complaining is suppressing how we feel, and I can do that, but how we choose to react to what we are suppressing is a totally different thing. Therefore I feel it necessary to vent, just not about minute, trivial issues.
Yes, this is a great idea! You know, research has shown that if someone can stick to a behavior for 21 days, it generally cements that behavior. It works for changing a bad habit into a good one. It’s not foolproof and sometimes we complain without even thinking about it. But I’m going to try it and introduce the idea to my friends in the outpatient program. I’m sure the therapists will love it! They’re always trying to get us to be more positive about things. I can just imagine the groans of everybody though. I understand the feeling of how it’s a major goal just to get out of bed, take care of personal hygiene matters, eat a reasonably nutritious breakfast, and get out the door. In fact, doing all that and getting out to the outpatient program every day was one of my goals last week. I did it, after having not done it for the last two weeks. so I’m on a roll and will continue with that and now will add the no complaining goal.
I think we have to be a little careful, though. We can’t avoid talking about negative things, especially in treatment. In therapy, we have to learn to deal with things. Complaining about how bad things are though is counterproductive except that sometimes it allows someone to express anger in a way that’s not destructive. Still, for the most part, I think complaining does more harm than good and complaining with a whiny, self-pitying attitude that makes excuses for behavior is really maddening when someone does it. It’s something we used to call the “yes but” game. It’s when someone says they want advice about something or they complain about something and solutions are offered but then the person finds all kinds of excuses for why those solutions won’t work or the person brings up other reasons why they can’t get done what they asked advice about. I know that doesn’t seem to make much sense when I write it so I hope somebody can relate. My grandmother used to do it and some of my friends in the outpatient program do it and I’m sure I’ve done it myself. It’s sort of like piling complaints on top of each other. Sometimes there really are reasons why you can’t do something. Sometimes, there are good reasons to be angry. But whining and complaining and even sarcasm usually are not helpful. This is especially hard for me because I used to engage in battles with sarcasm because I couldn’t do it physically so I learned to use words as weapons. But I’ve been working on being less sarcastic because that can really hurt people.
I wish everyone the best who accepts Dave’s challenge and I will try to do it too. Will look forward to hearing how everybody does. But don’t beat yourself up about it if you sometimes have to switch the band to the other wrist and start again. Everybody falls short of a goal sometimes. It’s what you do after that mistake that counts.
Dave:
Super idea! You should start marketing these bracelets and use the proceeds as a revenue source for your organization. Something with velcro so it’s easy to switch back and forth. Some of us would become amtidexterous very quickly…
Griff
Boy Dave, Do I have a poem for you!!! I wrote this a while back. It is in my new book that is about to be published, “Driven by the Road We Choose”. The book is about exactly this topic. Choosing to complain, or choosing to be grateful. We have so many things to be grateful for that I really don’t think we have a valid reason to complain. But we do it anyway. I think it is because people have the wrong perspective of life. It is my hope that my book will help people learn how to be grateful as a default mode of living. It is normal to say “Dang it” when we hit our finger with a hammer, but we then think to ourselves how to look at the situation from a different perspective and can be grateful we have a finger to get hit by a hammer is my point. The book should be out in late August or early September…
1,000,000 Blessings to Count
Living in a land
with every possible convenience;
we get frustrated when a refrigerator,
that has served us five years without fail,
suddenly stops working
spoiling week’s worth of food.
Or a tire on a car that has taken us 20,000 miles
without batting an eye,
goes flat, on our day off;
when we have the time to fix it.
Shouldn’t we be glad it didn’t go flat
in rush hour, making us late for work,
or the fridge for the 5 years
of dedicated service?
No instead we get mad,
frustrated or angry,
we can’t tolerate one inconvenience
when we are surrounded by a million.
Instead of being grateful for the many,
we get upset over the few,
or the “one” inconvenience;
forgetting about the many,
many blessings we enjoy without a due.
What would it take,
to change our perspective,
from the one that is so intent,
on modern convenience?
We forget that there are people who starve…
and starve to death,
while we get upset if the grocery store,
is out of our favorite pop-tarts.
Shouldn’t we be grateful,
we have a store full of food,
from which to select;
thousands of choices,
from low fat, or sugar free,
to fattening and energy drinks?
Why is it that we are so hell bent,
on having everything, “Our Way!”,
when for having it at all,
we should be content…?
There is only one way
to ensure that we stay satisfied,
If we can’t get it,
don’t want it…
Want what is available instead.
There is a key to happiness,
one that I’m sure we have all heard,
That the key to happiness, contentment,
is “choosing to look for what they call the silver lining”…
sometimes it is “not apparent”.
Sometimes it is hidden,
under a pound of manure,
but there it always is,
something to be grateful for,
the trick is to learn to look for it,
you might have to dig.
So when your tire goes flat,
or your fridge breaks down,
you are free to be happy anyway,
or you can wear a frown.
The choice is yours,
choose the route of stress and complain,
or take inconvenience in stride,
looking at what all we have gained.
We have no right to complain,
in this land of every possible convenience,
so we are late for work, or the toaster broke,
maybe they are out of coffee, or sugar, or milk…
At least we 999,999 other blessings to count!
So the next time you come across an inconvenience,
think about the 999,999 other blessings you do have to count.
Being Grateful is a decision,
and so is a complaint!
© Robert Parrillo II 2008
Well, sometimes everyone has to let off steam, and having a good bitch about what’s eating you up helps relieve the tension. So, sure – I don’t mind my “supporter” complaining or being sarcastic about me and/or my BP … just so long as she does it out of my ear-shot!
I have done this and supported my bi polar partner. Guess what No offence David; I am good at holding my tongue and letting everything just go as I am an understanding walking forgiving girl But guess what it is great and it works…… but…. there are times when things need to be complained otherwise you get drained, every now and then a complaint helps re-balance things. The idea is in in the right place though as I am sure there are many complainers who drain their own energy. So I guess a balance between too much and not at all is required really- would that be more sensible and especially when bi polar is concerned. Supporters have needs too you know and if they can’t let off steam they’ll explode; besides the Bi-polar folks know how far to push their loves ones and require a little reality check before it gets too much. WEll that works for me any way when I supporting him- bless him!
I am thankful for your email regarding the purple bracelet, as purple happens to be my favorite colour and myy peace colour anything is worth a try for myself and family and friends.
Again
Tks
Shell
i have a complaint i so tired of fighting myself with th suicidal bull ! how the purple braclet became world wide is amazing
This is something that the Israelites first started i.e. the (complaints), so that has been with us a long time. It’s good to not complain, but rather to share your grieviences in such a way so as to acknowledge that God is the ONE in charge regardless of the phyisical, mental problems at hand.
I know that’s very hard to do, as we are all guilty of such and to not complain, is almost like saying you are’t ‘human’ ! Yet we all need someone we can share all our grieviences with and trust that God will act on them in His way and Time.
Which means for many if not all of us,” My Grace is Sufficient, for you .” We all go through various trials and adjustments in life, and each requires patience and trusting that God will help you with each step of the way.
I am in a situation now that I am having to trust God to help with my sister’s needs on a daily basis, and to know that God is helping her, and my mom as well.
Patience is said to be a VIRTUE, it is only possible through those who are willing to moment by moment allow the Holy Spirit to control their emotions, and that takes faith in and of itself.
I know that’s not easy for those who are struggling with said condition of the subject matter, but that’s the only way those who Believe in God can get through the day, let alone the week etc.
Since we are all humans filled with sin, we need to trust that God will thouroughly wash us free from the sin, when we put our faith into His Salvation through Jesus. But that takes a daily commmitment to do so, a one time confession of sin doesn’t make up for all the future times, or take care of all the past times.
When that confession is done, daily, or as the Lord reminds you then the ‘free from complaints’ subject is not as ‘hard’ as it could be. But again, that’s a moment by moment interaction in prayer with faith, not a one time only statement.
No matter whether we tie the bracelet or not, adopting lifestyle ‘without’ making any ‘complaints’ is worth trying, not only for 21 days, but for ever. (inspite of whatever we may have to face in real life..) May help us to be more patient than before, I guess.
David
If only I could relay to anyone and everyone who has bipolar that there is nothing to be ashamed about.I personally don’t know much about it, whether its in the genes or whether something dramatic triggers it of. But our minds are the same as our bodys……..its all human flesh which at some point can get sick. We are all different and cope differently to situations. If I had Bipolar I would tell the world so that they understand me when Im down so that they can support me more with their own personal understanding by reading about it, if they care enough about me. Why hide it……..By hiding it you are keeping it all within yourself and that explosion might not be far of. But by talking about it to friends and family and letting them know how you feel at times when it hits you badly might be a remedy. It might just be a load lifted of your shoulders and that might lead to another load lifted of your shoulders until such time you yourself might be able to cope with the dreaded depression and with a better understanding of whats going on and hopefully coping and understanding just might be the perfect solution.
That’s my opinion.
I think one should stay as positive as possible around the bipolar person ( without being manipulated. ) but have some other support system in which to vent so you don’t stuff and then blow. The other support system could be a friend, therapist, family member or just praying to God about it. That way the supporter isn’t carrying around all this baggage and can stay mentally fit to support the bipolar person. Lori
Good idea….
let the wristbands have more applications!!!!