Bipolar Disorder and Unkeepable Promises

Hi,

Today I want to talk to you about

UNKEEPABLE PROMISES

This is a serious subject, and I’m sure many of you have come up against this.

This is more than just promising your child something for Christmas and then not being able to get it for them.

Hear me out –

This is like an alcoholic or addict promising never to do it again (just to get their parents, spouse, family, or the court system off their back), but then doing it again  anyway, because they’re in full blown addiction.  They made an unkeepable promise.

This is like a company that promises no lay-offs, but then goes into a down period and has to lay off some of their employees anyway.  They shouldn’t have made the promise in the first place, because business is unpredictable.  They made an unkeepable promise.

This is like the government promising no new taxes or promising to cut old taxes and then doing it anyway.  Or promising us there won’t be a recession and then there is.  They never should have made these promises to begin with.  Our government is notorious for making unkeepable promises.

Now here’s the point:

TRUE STORY:

Bill promised Michele he would never put her in the hospital again during a bipolar episode.

One day, when Michele was in a bad manic episode, Bill came home to find Michele had scratched up her arms (using her fingernails) until they were so deep and long that they were bleeding.

Michele was completely unaware that she had done/was doing this. She felt no pain.  She was doing this subconsciously.

NOTE:  This is called self- mutilization, and is one of the signs/symptoms of a type of bipolar disorder that I go over in my courses:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.survivebipolar.net

Bill tried to stop Michele, but he couldn’t.  He tried to reason with her, but he couldn’t.  He tried to get Michele to go to the hospital, but he couldn’t.

All Michele kept saying was, “You promised you would never put me in the hospital again!”  Over and over again.

Bill didn’t know what to do. He knew he had made that promise and, not being a man who breaks his promises, he just didn’t know what to do.

But he also knew he couldn’t just sit there and watch his wife suffer. Maybe she didn’t feel the pain from scratching her arms until they bled, but it was painful for him to watch and do nothing.

He realized he had made an unkeepable promise, and he took her to the hospital anyway.  It was for her own good, even though she couldn’t know it at the time.  But she had become a danger to herself.
———————————————

The point of that story is that, as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you may find yourself having to break a promise to your loved one as well.

I know of another case where this  happened between a supporter and his wife, where he promised his wife that he wouldn’t ever take her to the hospital again, and because he didn’t, what should have been just maybe a month-long episode turned into a six-month episode.

Now, you don’t want that to happen to you.  So the first thing is, don’t ever promise your loved one that you will never take them to the hospital. But the second thing is, if you have done that, understand that it may be
an unkeepable promise.  Hopefully, if you do find yourself in this situation, your loved one will go into the hospital on a voluntary basis.  But if not, you may have to face involuntary hospitalization.

The important thing is that with bipolar disorder, you have to be really careful and watch for these signs/symptoms of self-harm, etc. to make sure your loved one is not a harm to themselves or others, because that’s when hospitalization is necessary.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  1. Thank you for your caring and diligent provision of information. I have passed on this information to a couple people who suffer from this. I find the site and information invaluable. Invariably, I encounter someone who needs the information shared. As a supporter of my granddaughter, Katy, I want to do everything I can to help her and the family.

  2. Hi Dave,
    Many thanks for your e-mails I am so glad to be on your mail list. Would it be possible to give me some guide lines to my problems I just don’t know the way to handle it. My Daughter has had a few relationships and briefly each partner has been told numerous lies about me, one such was I had abused her. The present relationship has been a tremendous strain and it shouldnt be because she now lives miles and miles away. I dont see her much. The only thing is the boyfriend’s parents live three doors from me and whereby we were once friends they have been turning their backs on me for almost four years now. The present boyfriend has been physically abusive to me. On the last visit which was in March my Daughter came on her own and stayed with his parents. She was over I found out for several days, but on the day she was going back she phoned me and was just again verbally abusive, needless to say I didnt see her. The occasion before that was just before Christmas and on that ocassion it was awful. Now my Daughter has told me they are both coming over the first week in August and would like to visit. I actually stood up for myself and said I dont think so. Needless the say the phone went down and there has been no more contact. I am so afraid of being here alone, there is no way I can talk with them they just scream and shout and I am frightened to death to say something out of place. I am sorry to go on, but when I said no to her, I felt quite strong, but now after talking to a friend, who said she was finding ways of coming back and I should give her a chance. I dont know if I am on my head or my heals. You see when they have visited the boyfriends parents in the past they park outside my home and never acknowledge me. The situation is so bad, of course I wish I could have a good relationship with my Daughter she is the only family I have, but the lies and the not feeling good enough for her just drown me. Please could you advise. I know you are not a counselling service but anything would help.
    Thank you so much
    Patricia

  3. Your articles have been most helpful, David. My daughter-in-law is bipolar, I just found that out. She had a very bad episode last weekend and I witnessed what she is like during these episodes. They have been married for nine years and I never knew she had this problem. When I saw her last weekend she was like someone I hardly knew. That is why I looked for some info at your site because I want to understand it a little better. Will she be okay as long as she is taking her meds? I think she had this episode even though she was on meds, does that usually happen? That is the part that frightens me.
    I cannot subscribe right now, but I will recommend your site to my son, who is much more directly involved than I am.
    Thank you for your help and best wishes for your website. It must be of enormous help to some people!

  4. The promise can be “The hospital will always be the LAST resort”. As supporters, I find when you can turn every negative into a positive – it can really help. The hospital is scarey-however it can also be a new begining-we all need new beginings – even the bottom has only one way to go-UP!

  5. Dear David;
    Thank you so much for your info.. I honestly am finding your information the best tool yet. I am a RN but unfortunately I hate mental heath and I perfered trauma and stayed completely out of mental health all together.. Now I have a daughter with Bipolar. She is no compliant with meds and further more she doesn’t agree with the diagnosis.. So this is a struggle itself.. I honestly believe the “broken promises” are another form of stimuli that can trigger more of an episode.. I have gone back on my word and have taken punches, name calling and further more distruction of my home just because I went back on my word.. And she was in a manic phase and I didn’t even reconize it..
    I just want to thank you for sharing your knowledge with everyone, because every case is so different and yet so simular in so many ways.
    Thank you again,
    Krista

  6. I have a question regarding bipolar and lying. Does the person suffering with this illness lie to cover episodes or do they lie because of dellusions? I have a freind who I love very much but I never know when the story is straight. I have asked him about certain situations and get differents stories on the same issue. I dont think he is diliberately trying to decieve me.

    Thanks
    Pam

  7. I have wtched my son cut himself over and over again and taking lighters and burning himself but he was way to strong for me to make him stop. I asked for help from my family and they all thought it was in my head. But with your emails I am learning how deal with this on my own and I want to thank you so much for the emails. I wish I could afford your book to read but being a disable single parent I cant..so please keep your emails coming I am learning how to talk to him better. THANKS AGAIN!! Sandi

  8. Dear Dave , I am having a real hard time these days dealing with my boyfriend which is bipoler and im border line bipoler. Im very strong willed, but its getting very hard to deal with. Your news letters help me in a lot of ways some times , so thank you very much . Cheryl

  9. I agree with the don’t promise not to take to the hospital. I am Bi-polar and was a self mutilator too. I had family who would cover up my illness and addiction to keep me out of the hospital. I honestly feel alot of the turmoil I went through would have been avoided if they would have sent me to the hospital. They didn’t want my situation to be known. A part of me is ok with it because I would not have my child. I would have gladly gone without the rest of the HELL.
    Jamie

  10. Dear Dave and all,

    I almost started crying when I read today’s email. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I have been so encouraged by your emails! But you see, I did that; I begged my husband to make that unkeepable promise. When I overdosed, he didn’t take me to the hospital, he caught it in tim and told the doctors it was accidental. Actually, I don’t remember doing it but then I don’t remember a lot of things that happen.
    I got the bipolar diagnosis a few years ago and I do that self-injury thing. Two years ago I had a complete psychotic break. I probably should have gone into the hospital then. In fact, my psychiatrist wanted to put me in even though he wasn’t thrilled with that psych unit but I wasn’t eating or drinking because I said the drinks all tasted like blood and I was so paranoid that I thought I was being poisoned. I didn’t recognize my husband and thought I was at home and still a kid. My guide dog Isaac has a soft coat but to me when I patted him, I thought he was Rascal, the first pet dog that I’d lost when I was three or four because a truck ran over him. Finally, my husband got through to me that if I didn’t eat something, anything, by Friday, I would have to go to the hospital and get I.V. fluids and nutrients. I yelled and screamed at him that he’d promised me I’d never have to go to the psych hospital again. It was true. He had made the promise and I was putting him between a rock and a hard place. Fortunately, he told me that on a Tuesday and sometime before Friday I had started to drink. This is kind of funny but the first thing I wanted was “chocolate tea”. Still in a childlike state, I guess I took the two things I liked most, hot tea and hot chocolate and combined them. So that’s what my husband did. He made tea and put chocolate syrup in it.

    I am so grateful to my husband! I wish he would get Dave’s supporter course or at least find another supporter or go to a therapist or something. I have a wonderful therapist. But I didn’t back then.

    A month or so ago, after a really high energy time, not an episode but a really stressful time, I plunged back down into the deep hole of despair and depression, planning suicide, engaging in self-injuring behaviors. I agreed, with strong encouragement from my pastor, to get into an outpatient program. Now I go to that five days a week and, in addition to my therapist there, the doctor and the group sessions, (not to mention lunch) I feel safe there and I have even made a couple of friends. One of them, newly diagnosed bipolar, is going with me to a support group Monday night. It is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. We’re both a little worried because we’ve both been to some support groups that were really negative but we decided we’d try it and if it was that bad we’d leave in the middle. If it is a good group, maybe we can get some of Dave’s materials, like the new guide for bipolar survivors or the booklets.
    But after I started going to the outpatient program they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder as well. I didn’t think you could have both. I know there are differences. So I’m now wondering how someone can tell if a person is in a bipolar episode or is exhibiting traits of borderline personality.
    Another girl in the outpatient program and I have become friends. She’s borderline and has had the diagnosis since 1988 and she agrees with it. I’m not sure. Getting a new diagnosis is always hard. Sometimes it’s partly a relief if it explains some of the symptoms you’ve been having and if there are treatment options and if you have a good doctor and therapist. It’s important to be able to have a doctor and therapist that you can trust. But it’s hard to trust doctors and hospital staff when you’re in an episode.

    I’d also like to address the lying that goes on sometimes with bipolar disorder, sometimes with borderline (BPD) and sometimes with other dissociative disorders, which I have. There are lots of times when I’m in an episode or when I’m dissociating, that I truly do not remember telling a lie. Then if my husband confronts me I get angry because I think he’s the one who’s remembering it wrong and then I say hurtful things like telling him he thinks he always has to be right and he doesn’t trust me and all that. When I’m in a clearer state of mind, I can understand that, for whatever reason, lies have been told. However, they were not intentional. They were told during a time when I was not functioning well enough. Sometimes they were perceived as true by me but maybe they were because of paranoia or other factors. Generally, I am a very honest person and it hurts me that I lie during episodes and don’t remember doing it and that I asked my husband to make what may very well be an unkeepable promise. But I’m so scared of going in the hospital again. If you don’t have good insurance around here, you could get put in the state hospital and that place is awful! But even with insurance, private hospitals or psych units in hospitals cost a lot, even if it’s just the co-pays. But I don’t think any hospital (with one possible exception) that treats physical illnesses that are not mental illnesses, could be as bad as state mental hospitals which, regrettably, do exist and are often the only options for some people. They are short-staffed all the time, their methods of restraint are somewhat questionable, the food is cold, and on and on. The worst thing is when you are treated with less than human dignity. Still, I have to admit that there are times when hospitalization is necessary and I liked the comment that was made on this blog about making the statement more positive, saying the hospital would be the last resort rather than forcing my husband to commit to a promise he might not be able to keep. Sometimes, even when you’re on meds, you can go into an episode. Maybe the meds need to be changed or the dosage needs to be changed. Maybe someone has gone off meds because they felt so good they didn’t think they needed them anymore. I’ve done that but not recently because I’ve seen how it affects people.. I had a friend who had bipolar and went off his meds because someone told him St. John’s Wurt would take care of his depression. He didn’t go into an episode for two years but when he did, he killed himself. It’s hard being on meds. I’m on one now that can make some people, including me, gain weight. I hate that because before I went on it I was losing weight. Sometimes it’s a trade-off. There are unpleasant side effects. Sometimes I feel numbed out, dull, less creative, more detached and I don’t have those long periods where I’m getting a lot done and not needing to sleep for days. But though it sometimes can feel good to be manic, for me I get into mixed states and rapid cycle and it’s not much fun and then, either because of the borderline behaviors or the bipolar, I start getting into the impulsive behaviors, bingue eating, self harm, etc. I know I might go into an episode and it might not be my fault because I’ve been sticking to my treatment plan. The reason I went into the outpatient program in the first place was becasue I knew I was sliding down into a depressive episode. I’m gladd I saw it coming and was able, to a large extent, to lessen the severity. I had to have meds changed again and now I’m on one that makes me feel foggy most of the time. Even writing (which I normally love to do) is a strain.
    But, I don’t want the bipolar to win. I hate to lose so I keep fighting. Sometimes I lose a battle but I don’t intend to lose the war. A week from Monday my friend and I are going to a borderline personality support group. It will be hard because it’s on the grounds of the state hospital. I mean, couldn’t they have picked a more neutral venue? But then again, they got this one for free. Anyway, I’ve never been to a support group for borderlines so it should be interesting, but I think it could potentially be volatile given the unpredictable behavior of us borderlines, so it’s a little scary.

    Well, I’ve rambled enough. But I hope my experiences can help someone to understand, from a bipolar/borderline/ptsd/anxiety and panic disorder, social anxiety, etc. survivor, (oh yeah, and I never know which personality is out when I dissociate and don’t remember things because I also have dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, and a couple of other personality problems like dependent personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder. I’ve gotten so many diagnoses from so many doctors, hospitals and therapists that I don’t know for sure what’s true anymore. But I do know that I haven’t lied in this response and I hope that maybe some supporters will understand that, at least in my case and in many cases of people I know with different mental illnesses, that most of the time, especially in an episode, the lying is not intentional. Sometimes the lies can be delusions. I was in the hospital one time with a woman who told me all about her college experiences. When her mother came to visit and I said her daughter had done really well graduating from college with such high grades, the mother told me the daughter hadn’t graduated from high school. But while she was in the episode, she really did believe what she was saying. I think they call it delusions of grandeur.

    Thank you, Dave, and the rest of you, for reading.

    Laura

  11. Kathy – excellent way to put it! Promise it would be the last resort. I think this is a clever way to ensure no promise is broken, and THAT is important, I think, because any relationship is nothing if it is not based on trust.

    The Samaritans organisation in the UK promise strict confidentiality when anyone in a crisis calls on them or telephones. They will NEVER reveal someone’s identity or where they live (if they know, which they usually don’t) even if they are in the act of killing themselves. Their approach is based on the realisation that when people speak to you in confidence, if that confidence is broken they will never reveal their secrets to you again. So, if someone tells them they are going to kill themselves, or even that they ARE killing themselves, the Samaritans keep that a secret. I suppose they realise that anyone doing this is more likely than not to be unsuccessful, and that they’ll probably have another such crisis and need someone to talk to. The Samaritans may be the ONLY people such a person feels they can talk to. So, if the confidence was not broken in the first place, they will feel they can trust the Samaritans to keep secret what they express to them about how they feel. But if the Samaritans had alerted some kind of rescue authority, the Police or whoever, that may destroy the only relationship the person felt they could trust.

    So, saying “I promise”

  12. Dear Dave:
    WONDERFUL e-mail today!! I am Bipolar I, and like everyone else, I surely don’t want to be in the hospital EVER again. I don’t have as much problem with manic episodes (have only had 2 my whole life), but I do struggle with very severe depressive episodes. I take my meds, I work with my therapist, and hopefully I won’t have to be in the hospital again. But there have been times when I have known, myself, that I was in danger of suicide, and had myself admitted. However, if my thinking ever becomes so distorted and I am in real danger because I have gone past the stage of suicidal ideation onto suicide intent, and am unable to make the decision to keep myself safe on my own, I would never blame anyone who loved me (or my Dr. or therapist) if they committed me involuntarily… Once I’m dead, all bets are off, and I know that depression doesn’t last forever (though sometimes it feels to me like it does). Bipolar disorder distorts the thinking, I know, and sometimes someone else may have to step in and make the correct decision when I can’t. I hope that if it ever does get that bad again I’ll have the insight to protect myself, but if not, I would actually thank the person who saved my life when my thinking has become more clear again… That’s why I’ve done what YOU taught me to do; I’ve signed release of info consent forms so that my boyfriend can talk to my therapist or Dr., and my therapist and Dr. can share information with each other. I know it’s necessary for my safety.

    TO PATRICIA ANDREWS:
    I read your blog entry, and my heart just aches for you… I’m just wondering – who has the bipolar disorder, you or your daughter? In my case, it’s me… But I can so relate to your grief and sense of loss as a mother… I have 2 grown sons who are doing very well, which makes me feel good, but we don’t have the relationship I yearn to have with each of them. I know that some of it has to do with the fact that it’s not easy growing up with a mother who has bipolar disorder, but I also know that I was a VERY good mother, and we were close. Then, just as for you, an outside influence began to tell them lies about me and spew all kinds of hatred towards me (in my case it is their father, my ex-husband). Unfortunately there’s not a thing in the world I can do about what he says or does, and have little power over how my sons react to this evil behavior. HOWEVER… I have found that if I get a handle on MY behavior and the things that I say, I have a chance of forming a better relationship with them again. I didn’t know how to go about this, and was doing and saying a lot of the wrong things – further alienating them (especially my youngest son). That’s where my therapist came in –
    she actually told me what to say and what NOT to say, in e-mails and in conversations. She explained to me WHY I had to do and say things in a certain way, and by now I’ve gained a sense for how to act more appropriately. It’s a very slow process, but there is definite improvement in my relationship with both sons (one of whom I didn’t speak to or get an e-mail from for 9 months – I was SO distraught!!). So, what I’m saying to you is that I’ve learned that, unfair and dispicable as some people are, there’s nothing at all I can do to stop them from trying to destroy my relationship with my children. The ONLY thing I can do is not act desperate, not act “crazy”, casually let my children know that I’m doing well and living a “normal” life (which I try to do). If you don’t have a therapist, I strongly suggest that you get one – you can only work on YOU.
    If you do have a therapist, set a goal with him/her to try to improve your relationship with your daughter, and set a strategy with specific behaviors that may get you to that goal. You may have to wait a long time, and, unfortunately, there are no guarantees it will succeed because there are factors outside of your control. But I have learned that is the ONLY way…
    Please know that I really feel your pain, and I wish you the very best of luck. God Bless – Sue

  13. To: LAURA: Yes, there ARE delusions in bipolar disorder. I suffered from them during all three of my full-blown manic hospitalizations. My main delusion was that I was God’s “child,” and everything HAD to go my way. I was thinking like Jesus Christ, and the only things that “brought me down,” were meds, patience, and time.

    I do remember almost all of what I did and said in a manic episode – unfortunately. I hurt a lot of people in my delusions; one of my friends actually BELIEVED the “end of the world” was coming, just as I had predicted. Needless to say, once I was hospitalized, and didn’t believe the delusion anymore, she was “outta here,” and I don’t even know where she is.

    My Mother pulled the “trump” card once – my girlfriend was trying to break me out of the last psychiatric hospital I was in, and take me to another state. When my Mom realized this, she told my doctor that if it looked like that was what I was going to do – she would send me to the State Hospital! I had been there ONCE, and that was once too many. Back in the 70s, the state hospital was STILL like the “Snake Pit” so aptly described in the movie of the same name. That was the LAST place I wanted to go. Needless to say, I stayed in that psychiatric hospital, and refused to go with my friend. She was allowed into the hospital to see me – and if I still wanted to leave – but was disgusted that they “had me on meds.” I don’t know where she is, either.

    I can tell, on my own, when I start to go into a deep religiosity of my delusions, but I don’t know how to stop them, outside of being hospitalized. I know how to “check myself in.” Fortunately, I’ve only had one out-patient clinical depression, so have never been self-injuring or suicidal, so can’t relate to those feelings. BUT – it IS possible to be TOO HIGH as well. And – become a danger to yourself and others.

    Another well-written email today, Dave. Thanks for the input and advice.

    May God bless all those with bipolar disorder and those who love us. May He bless you real good.

  14. I only ever make a promise when I am 99% sure that I can keep it. e.g. each time I got married (2x) I was 99% sure it was going to last forever, or I would not have made that promise.

    I had promised my boyfriend not to get him into the psych ward, but when I made that promise I had no idea how extreme a manic episode could get. I sort of just kept my promise, as in the end it was my neighbour who called the police when everything got out of hand. They arrived with the doctors and nurses, who had been looking for him everywhere because he missed all his appointments. The police obviously knew who he was from my neighbour’s description. However, another day of ever increasing mania and I would have totally broken my promise.

    My boyfriend now promised to do his best not to have that sort of episode again and stay on his meds. Provided the meds work and he stays clear of stress (easier said than done under current circumstances where certain people drive him to the limit – won’t go into details here), this should be possible. I have made it clear that should he stop taking his meds again and have another wild manic episode I will immediately call the doctors. Right now he agrees that hospitalisation was the right thing to do at the time.

    As for telling lies, that also seems to be a symptom of bipolar disorder. It’s the bipolar demon which tells lies, not the person. It says “I don’t need help! There’s nothing wrong with me,” when s/he screams inwardly “Help!” Also, they will often lie to you to protect you from the bipolar demon.

  15. Thanks Dave for yet another great topic…

    To Patrica Andrews… What I would suggest is to do what is called a cost benefit analysis. What you do is write down all the benefits of having your daughter come over and what the possible costs of having her come over would be. Then you look at the potential costs, and the benefits and that should help you make a decision. For example, I bought an electric welder from someone and didn’t notice the plug was broken. I could have tried to fix it, but I figured, if I don’t fix it right I could kill myself accidentally, or I could go buy a new welder and be out the money I bought the old one for. I quickly decided to buy the new welder and gave the old one to a friend who is an electrician. He knows what he is doing with electricity and I don’t so I bought the welder and gave him the old one for a favor he gave me in return.

    To Pam, People with bipolar sometimes have a problem with memory, especially remembering what they did when they were manic. So they can be completely honest and not be telling the truth, if that makes any sense. I suffer more from depression than mania, but mania does get me up tight sometimes. It usually comes in the form of anger. But a short answer to your question is yes, when bp’s are manic, they can forget what they said or did when they come back to normal.

    I do agree strongly that promises, or even statements should be made with caution to people with bipolar. I have bp and my mom once in a while says things that she later changes her mind about and it really, REALLY ticks me off. I am a man of my word, and I expect other people to be too. It is just that expectations are premeditated frustrations and expecting people to keep their promises can cause us problems too. I think it is important to realize that not every promise can be kept, but that they are made with good intention of the person making them. Because there are always unforeseen circumstances that happen, I agree that it is best to say something like: “I will only admit you to the hospital as a last resort.”

    I too have suicide as my main battle with bipolar and usually I am the one who checks myself in the hospital. I don’t wait till it gets bad. If I have a suicidal thought that is “WHEN SUICIDE LOOKS IDEAL” for more than a minute or two, I quickly get to a hospital. The last time I went I didn’t even need to be admitted, they talked me out of it. But I too would be grateful when I came back to normal if someone committed me when I was a danger to myself or someone else.

    But again, about promises, I think we have to be mature enough to know that promises are made with good intention, and if they have to be broken, it is usually for a good reason… Most of the time anyway… Also, expectations are premeditated frustrations, so keep expectations low, and you won’t get disappointed if things turn out differently… Which is something I am still working on : )

    Bob

  16. I am now very cautious to ask someone of ‘trust’ to hold anything in confidence or make a promise they say they will not break. I trusted a very close family member and it turned out that everything that I told her was used against me. She harmed me very badly. She claims she was trying to help me, but knows she hurt me. I have begged and pleaded with her to ‘make right’ what she did to harm me, and she refuses, stating she only ‘tried to help me.’ It makes no sense. She has hurt me, intentionally. I can never trust again. I feel as though she is laughing at me and the very personal things I shared with her. I can’t even express how much my cousin, Heidi betrayed me and how much I want to just give up, knowing that I relied on trusting her and she wounded me, and it was so very, very intentional. I have told her the consequences of her actions, and all she says is “sorry for your troubles.” She is not at all sorry because she is the one that CAUSED my troubles. She is still laughing, it is unbelievable someone who claims to be a kind person would do anything like that to hurt her cousin and her own disabled aunt. Monday is her birthday. I am thinking about why she did this to me. I am at a loss, and can’t at all find the humor of it all. I do wish her a happy birthday and I don’t want to feel anger or hate toward her. I only hate and am agry at what she did, and want to know why she would do something so awful. I am hurt that I put so much confidence and trust in her and she let me down.

    So, my advice is to be careful with trust and be careful what you tell to whom. Sometimes the ones you think you can confide in most are the ones that will turn on you.

  17. Dave, I want to thank you for all of your e-mails. I wish I could afford your books on Bipolar becouse I am Bipolar. And now thanks to your e-mails i have finally accepted that I know I can get some help when I feel that I can’t talk to anyone about my episodes. My Husband has been reading the ones online also and he is very grateful the e-mails. I now have some meds to help me with it. I have no Insurance and there is a clinic where I live that can get some of my meds for me and I very thankful for that. So Dave Thank You for Your e-mails. they have saved my life. Please keep up the good work. And everyone who has bipolar, and the supporters, It will get better. Thank You for being so understanding, and standing by their loved ones.God Bless Everyone.

  18. The only promise I ever make to my bipolar partner is that he can trust me and I will always do whatever it takes to keep him safe and well. He knows that, even though it might not seem like it at the time (if he’s in a confused state or not being rational), I will do what is best for him and us and I will never lie to him.

  19. I read similar article also named Bipolar Disorder and Unkeepable Promises, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me

  20. hey its me angie, would not eating from day to day and smoking mariwanna ha i cant spell right now… and eating my nails and skin and having the odd drink constitute self mutalation or just bad nerves and not interested in eating. angie

  21. I’ve found the supporter needs to not count on the promises that are made by the bipolar sufferer, as they are usually not followed through on.

  22. I enjoyed the article . I do agree that going to the hospital should be the last resort ,however, I understand that sometimes it’s necessary . My meds seem to be working. On occasion I have forgotten to take them but get right back on track. The toughest part of this illness is that you really don’t want to bother people with your trivialities. The dissociation and lack of emotional responses are strange to most people so you have to be careful. I would hope that a loved one would be able to recognize the onset episode before any negative events occurred.
    Thanks so much!
    JulieB

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