Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you are doing really well and have a great day.
I have a really important lesson that I wanted to teach you today about bipolar disorder.
Let me tell you where it all started. The other day I was talking to someone who is really good at hiring. She actually works at a very big Fortune 500 company and is an executive.
She use to do HR. She found out that I had an organization that helped people cope and deal with bipolar disorder. Whether it was bipolar supporters or bipolar survivors.
Anyway, her sister has bipolar disorder and was, when I first met her, doing terrible. Now she is doing very well because of the system.
Anyway, I was telling her how I had to hire new people for various positions in the organization. I told her how sometimes it’s like a lottery as to if someone would be good or not.
She asked about my hiring process which after 10 minutes she said it was terrible.
Over the last couple of months, she has been helping me fix it. Today I am working with 5 people who work for me now, and this executive woman to make an incredible system.
It’s almost done.
Anyway, I told her how I had a new position that is some customer service, some administrative assisting and some other stuff. It would be like 1/3 this, 1/3 that, and 1/3 this.
I said that one of the key things is the person has to be REALLY organized and really good at organizing things.
There are other things like they have to be accessible most of the time, good at customer service, like talking to people, etc.
I told this woman being organized is critical. She said, how are you going to figure that out.
I said I am going to ask if the potential person to be hired is organized and what he/she has done to show organization.
The woman said that was a terrible idea. She said, “what are you crazy?” What do you think someone will say if you ask, ” are you organized?” I said, “umm, well.” She cut me off and said, “well, umm, they will say yes I am.”
She said, it’s like if someone asks a spouse “did you cheat on me?” She went on to say that “99% of the time
the spouse will say no I did not” when the spouse did.
She said, you have to ask the right questions that get you the real answer.
So she gave me some questions.
They included:
“How do you structure your day?”
“What do you do when you get a new job?”
“If I gave you 6 assignments in one day, what would you do?”
and some other questions.
I said, “wow that’s a great idea. I see where you are going. These questions for a person to think and you can determine if they are organized from the answers.”
She said, “no you are getting it.”
I said, “you know what is amazing?” She said “what?” I said, “I teach this very same thing with bipolar disorder for doctors.”
She was really interested since her sister had it. I said, “I teach the follow, don’t ask someone if they are a good doctor, know bipolar disorder, like family involvement, ask better questions.”
She said, “like what?” I said, “like these questions”:
“What kind of serious psychological disorders do you specialize in?”
Which disorders are you weak in or prefer not to work with?
When you get a person started, what is your system?
How do you make a diagnosis?
What’s your system to get all the information from the patient so you can make a correct diagnosis and setup the treatment plan? What happens when you are on vacation?
What do you tell someone with bipolar disorder about side effects?
Questions like these. These questions would yield a ton. The executive woman was really happy and impressed if I
do say so myself.
Questions like this are critical.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I go through more questions to ask and the answers you need to hear. I also go through at length what kind of answers you need to hear.
Can you see how you can really “fake” answering these questions?
Also, when you ask good, smart and intelligent questions, you send a message to the doctor that you are no dummy and have a clue. You or your loved one are much more likely to get right well.
This is so very important.
It’s almost life or death. If you read some of my old blogs about how bad doctors can be, you MUST ask the right questions, to get the right answers to know which doctor to work with.
It was interesting to speak with this woman. Both of us were experts but at different things. She said she had no idea of the questions to ask her sister’s doctor and I said didn’t know the right questions to ask a new person to be hired. But you can see how asking the right questions is critical.
You can’t ask questions that people can answer yes or no to. You can’t ask questions that people will just answer how they think you want them to. You can’t do that withmy questions.
Know what I mean?
What do you think?
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Hi, Dave no im not organized, at this moment i feel like running away with my 5 year old boy! My husband already lost 7 jobs in 9 months. He doesnt work at this moment. Im working an my salery is R4000.00 n month, an the place what im renting is R3000.00 thats without my boy’s school. I just foundout last Thurday about the biopolar disorder in a boock i read, and my husband has all the symhptons what your mom have and more. So
please i despretly need help otherwise i will go grase. And sorry about the english im Afrikaans. I DONT KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH IT.
Dear Dave,
OK — I am a scientist, mother and wife. I have a part-time job at a University and have to be very organized. I go out to sea with a variety of people with whom I have to deal. My work requires attention to detail. I work with state-of-the-art instrumentation and am known as an expert in my field. I have been diagnosed as having the disease of bipolar and am considering participating in that area to aid others and myself. I think that advances in mental illness are the new frontier of medical science. If I can help, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Renate
hi david i am reading what you send me and i thank you i was just wondering if i had questions of my own for you if you could answer there is alot of things i feel i need to know if it could possibly be a part of an episode and if so your input on what to do about it and what and how to keep it from happening i really need to have my questions answered if there is please help me if you can sincerly bev
I have a question,,, My wife was admited to the hospital for attempting suacide and when she was released I found that she had been very heavily medicated,,what seems to me as being over medicated. She trusts her doctor and will not discuss this with me. Mean while I feel as though I had lost my wife and her sister feels like she has lost her sister. She sleeps most all of the time and still has thoughts of suacide,,esp now that her weight (which has always been a problem) shot way up and she is ashamed of her weight. See, she was doing good for 6yrs on her meds but then she got sloppy with them and got them way out of sequence with many missed doses. Now,,,here is the thing,,,if a patient has been doing good for 6yrs and it was only because of sloppyness and missed doses that she had her episode,,,,does it not make sense to , during the hospital stay, to re-establish her regimine,,,in other words, get her stabelized and see how she does rather than medicate her so much that she can not function? She had 5 pills before going in and now has 10 pills with some of them even being the orginal that are dooubled and even tripled in amount of dose. I want her to get a second opinion but she sites that in truth we can not even afford the doctor we have let alone get another one to help us. I want my wife back so we can work on her weight issues which are linked to her self esteem and over all health. I am in fear that if she does not get so depressed that she does kill herself,,,then she might very well have a heart attack as the weight does cause her heart problems.
I know this is a long letter but I am so encouraged by all that I have read that I felt that I needed more advice,,,thank you. Robert
Good Day David,
I was just at a new doctor today and you know the routine of questions they ask. well I told her that I was diagnosed with my illness since childhood and the many different kinds of medications I ‘ve been prescribed over the years. Why do people always look at me and make judgments. Am I suppose to look down and out and homeless to be taken serious.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not conceited. I dress very nice because when I was a child my caretaker would beat me if I didn’t , so I have always made a conscious effort to do so. Any way she asked me who had diagnosed me with my condition and seemed amazed when I started to go into detail about my pass and current situation.
I did not know the right questions to ask her and she didn’t seem to know what to ask me either.
Reading your mail today really confirmed to me that I got a lot to deal with to really get the help and support I need.
when I keep encountering situations like today, it makes me want to give up. I don’t publicly display my emotions or at least I try not to. So how do I get people to help me? because they just seemingly look at me and judge whats on the outside.
So Sad!
Dear David,
I find that asking the appropriate questions allows you to have more validated information but you also have to have trust that you aren’t being mislead and misunderstood. Even being in medicine I still find you can read a million journals and articles about BP but until you live it, it is a completely different world.
I find that your information is “real” it isn’t text book and it isn’t what the “professionals” say is real… You have lived it like most of us, and it comes with a live and learn approach.. If a person has the right tools you can facilitate a safe and healthy environment for the family and the person suffering with the illness..
Thank you so much for your wonderful “tools”.. I will deffinately keep reading and learning with your words of wisdom!
I want nothing more for my daughter than a healthy and productive life.. I just hope I can help her achieve this..
Krista
Hi Dave,
I believe asking the right questions is very important in every area of life…Motherhood, jobs, marriage. Yes or no questions don’t work for me at all. But sincere interest in who I am and what makes me “tick” so to speak works for me. It leads me to trusting who I am speaking to.
In all the jobs I have had the one that suited me the best was a receptionist position for a very large church and I had to be highly organized in order to stay on top of things.
I am BiPolar and if I can help you in any way Dave please let me know.
LOL! But you’d not just get false answers from people lying to you, David! Ask someone in a manic/hypomanic episode if they are organised and they’d probably say they could run the company all by themselves … and well they might! Give them a few days, when they’ve come down, and they’ll be so muddled in their depressive thinking they might hardly be able to organise where to put the toothbrush and toothpaste… I kid you not. I’ve passed all management ability tests I’ve ever been set with colours when I’ve been hypomanic, and ingloriously flopped them, even the same ones, when I’ve been down.
The other thing to watch out for are people who, through the effects of their ailment, or just their personality, are people with high POTENTIAL to be great workers, great managers and leaders … except they don’t see that latent ability. Others do, or can do, but they don’t. Ask them if they are well organised and they’d say, “Well, I’m okay,” even if they are even then brilliant! These are also the kind of people who are too shy to admit what they can do well, often as not because they think those moments when they have even impressed themselves were aberrations, something they’d not likely repeat. Personally, I always found these kind of people the most rewarding to work with because there is great pleasure to be found in helping people fulfill their potential. Indeed, I always felt it was a good manager’s to talent-spot and bring on employees who have potential for greater things; indeed, that is exactly how it used to be in the bank where I used to work. But then they had a change of culture and decided it was down to each individual to develop themselves. How short sighted!
Now, isn’t this much the same with supporting someone with BP? Trying to open their eyes to the fact that having BP is not the end of their working lives? That they still have the same abilities as they did before, that they can still fulfill yet unrealised potential?
I’ve read some of your info in the past and would like to read more. I diagnosed myself with this disorder about a decade ago. The problem is I’m a Gulf War Veeteran that has been inflicated with many problems associated with The Gulf War Syndrome and PTSD. It has been very difficult to figure out where one problem ends and another begins. If even my self diagnosis for bipolar disorder is even accurate. The Va Psychs have diagnosed me all over the place and I’ve been on various different medications going all the way back to 1994 and am currently not on any. The anger and frustration I feel at times is immense. I’m a single father of an 11 yr old boy of witch I have sole custody. And this can be difficult for the both of us for he was born with problems as well more than likely due to The Gulf War syndrome and ADHD. How do I get the proper help for the both of us if I hv to deal with a system that was and still is unprepared to deal with people like me and I know I’m not alone anymore. Do you hv any advice for me???
FEJ
Dear David,
I still feel confused about my diagnoses. I really sensed that my doctor was only skimming the surface . He did ask me about my childhood which was unstable. I worked at stabilizing my surrounding constantly. I have trouble socially as well. The critical voice never seems to stop. To just hang with friends seem unnecessary and trivial. But intellectually I understand that it is necessary. He did a simple test with maybe 10 questions and suggested I may have ADHG. Red flags right there. Gee he’s giving me one prescription and wants me to also take another one. No thanks one is enough. Anyway! I doubting that I really have the disorder but I’m not sure. I really don’t know where to go from here. I don’t trust family members. My husband simply refuses to have an adult conversation about it . He listens a lot but like me ,he ‘s unaware of what questions to ask. I understand that this my own personal issue. I tend to vacillate between being really docile to extremely excitable. I need to be expressing myself constantly. It does alienate people around me . In my mind I believe that I’m an optimistic creative individual constantly looking for new ways of doing the same thing.
Julie
I am the first to admit that I am NOT organized! Oh, I did fairly well in the few jobs I was able to complete, but you should see my condo! Papers everywhere! But – at least I KNOW myself, where everything IS and what it’s for!!
My dream job started when I was in the throes of a full-blown manic episode. I had flown from Chicago to D.C. to see my fiance, and stopped in my Senator’s office just to say “hello.” I heard through the grapevine that a secretarial position had just opened. I went to the Legislative Assistant and told him I was interested in the job. He took one look at me, and said, “Manna from Heaven!” It appeared he was anxious to have me on board! I waited all weekend to hear whether I had it on Monday. I prayed and prayed, and hoped and did astrology and I-Ching – and Monday morning, he called and said I had the JOB!! I started immediately; got my first apartment and everything was fine with my fiance.
Unfortunately, about a week to ten days later, I went to see my surgeon about a most “pressing” matter that I had read in the Book of Revelations in the Bible. He read a letter I had written to him, and in the presence of my parents, said the letter was NOT written by ME, and I needed a REST!! I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of the hospital that afternoon!! Not only was I immediately labeled with “mental patient,” but I lost my job, my apartment, AND my fiance!!
There was another instance 15 years later, where I was the only administrative assistant in Legal Aid, and because the other girl quit, I had to do the work for 7 attorneys and 2 paralegals, as well as do in-take. One morning, 3 of the attorneys, and the “head honcho” came into my office, and showed me a pleading, with typos in EACH and EVERY line – and they had to let me go! I was the most organized person in the world – but, I was having another full-blown manic episode. I was treated out-patient for four YEARS…
All I’m saying is I agree with Graham – in an episode, one can be VERY organized and “run the world.” But when they “come down,” their loss of self-esteem takes a very looong time to battle. It did with me, and I’m STILL reeling from it.
I agree with Dave – open-ended questions (the ones that don’t require “yes” and “no” answers) ARE the best, especially when interviewing for a job, or a new doctor/therapist.
I totally agree with what the topic is today. Psychiatrists who ask closed-ended questions are bad doctors. I have one of those ‘bad’ doctors now, and many more before him. We just spent a 45-minute session together. He wants to collect twice from the insurance company – once for providing ‘medication management’ (in which he has no clue), and second for psychotherapy (in which he also has no clue).
He continually asked me ‘yes/no’ questions until I finally stopped answering him. Then I just stared at him, as he loudly slurped his coffee. Then, he replied, “You know, I really do not know how to help you.”
He then asked me how I’d like to spend the rest of the 45 minutes. I politely said, “I’d like to leave. You’ve just wasted $20 of my co-pay and about 15 minutes of my time.”
I got up, went out the door, and he said nothing. He has not called me back.
What do you think….do I need another psychiatrist…or give it up?
For tried them all: you definitely need to try some more!
I agree. Questions are the important. Open ended answers are the best way to get answers. But remember to listen to the answer well. A long answer is not always the correct answer. If a person rambles without detail he may be disorganized. If he gives details but they are disjointed, he may be disorganized. If he rushes through the details without inflection, he may be manic. If he drones on and on, listing details that are years old, he may be out of touch with current situations…or current reality.. YIKES. So…. educate youself and look for others that do the same. Set you self esteem and expectation high. Look for others that do the same. Finally.. I needed to hire people that I could work closely with and when I was in a hiring position I had one final “test” of the person. I had them do a mini version of this self esteem builder by listing 2 not the 10 I used in therapy. Building exercise–Make a list of 10 people you admire. You need not know them personally. Gandi and Mother Theresa are fine. List 10 things or actions about each person that you admire. Put the lists away for a day. Then look for things that you have done that are similar to things you admire in these people. Make a goal of taking one action every day that would place you closer to the behaviors that you admire in these people. Simply allow one car ahead of you as you wait to turn on the way to work. Pay the $0.50 cent toll for the car behind you. Hand a cold soda to the man holding the traffic direction sign on a hot day in traffic. Tell a total stranger how nice she looks today and keep walking without expecting a reply. Forgive one act of hurt that was committed against you without telling the person who wronged you.
Listening to who a stranger admires may surprise you. Listening to how he would impliment the actions may educate you. But actually hearing what is said will most definently make you a better person…even when a doctor is the one giving the answers.
When I read this I thought much deeper. Because working as an assistant and working through your illness are 2 different subjects. So I picked the 2nd one. In our life we are all taught to live in a survival mode. Everyone
acts differently in this mode. Some are very articulate in their minds and
handle alot of situations at once. But before you can work assisting people
you need to know that your survival mode does not control you. That you control your survival mode.
HI DAVE JUST A SHORT NOTE TO TELL YOU I AGREE WITH THIS WOMAN. ALSO I AM A VERY ORGANIZED AND IF IM NOT IM VERY UNHAPPY
I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON REGARDING THIS. ALSO I HAVE A 26YR OLD SON WHO IS BIPOLAR AND IS SEEKING HELP NOW.
GOD BLESS BOBBIE
Suzanne, Graham, etc. Not everyone is well organised during a manic episode. My boyfriend was not. He was hiding things in some very strange places and the next day forgot where he put them. Now fairly stabilised he can’t remember half of what happened during the episode. Some meds also seems to affect the short term memory.
As for me being organised needs planning ahead. By nature I often leave everything to the last minute and end up battling against time. It depends a great deal on what time of day or night it is. Being nocturnal I can get things done better later in the day and / or at night. If I have to do anything early in the day (to please conventional society) I have to start preparing it the night before.
I believe that you and your executive friend are very right. it takes the right questions, not yes and no. everybody can say yes, then they might get hired and not be organized at all. my last job needed me to be very organized and when i was first hired i did not think i had it in me. it has been five years since i was in the workforce and have kept in contact with my previous employers. they still tell me that should i ever be able to go back to work, if possible they would hire me.
This lady, did her homework early, and learned a lot the first time around !! Thanks for the encouraging advice here.
I am not in a position of that nature as such, but it can apply to many different subjects at hand. Hope I can remember to put that to use.
Many of us want to ‘please ‘our teacher, inquirer, etc. to take them to where we want to be. But the real answer is what is best for both the one asking the questions, as well as the one who is answering them, a Balance of course is needed.
How many went through school to “please’ the teacher and knew how to give the right answer, but didn’t believe what they said was true ? I am sure there are those to whom that would apply. All to get through school, or to get the ‘job’ they thought they wanted and only to find out later that it didn’t match up to what they thought it would be. That’s what comes with giving answers that may be the ‘right’ ones, but not the ones needed to be heard.
Truth, verses need or want often comes into play here. Being Truthful, can be painful, relating the need in Truth however can be helpful to both. As one who is out of work, needs a job, will in desparation say perhaps things that really aren’t true to what one can do, just so they can ‘get’ the job. That’s known as ‘lying’ in my book, but how many do it, just to ‘keep a roof over their heads’ ? The questions asked reveal a lot about one’s character and what they are after, as much as the answers that are given in response.
Hello Wow what a fantastic article about Paralegals! Your keen insight into Paralegals is informative and creative. I look forward to reading other articles you have. Thanks.
Nightlady made a comment about her boyfriend hiding things in strange places and then forgetting where he put them. Is this a common symptom–hiding things in strange places? My husband will do the exact same thing–during his episodes–many-many times he has hid his wallet (from me-he’ll say all I want from him is his money,etc.) or he will hide the car keys, or cell phone, sim card out of cell phone, tools, my purse, you name it and he has probably hid it from me at some point in time. Then the episode will normally worsen when he is unable to readily find the things that he has hid— he will swear I have taken the hidden things, moved them or something. I try to be creative when searching for these things because they are normally hid in some strange places.
In some instances, I have assumed he is sleep walking when he has hid things because it has happened at night and he claims to have no memory of doing it. Now I’m not so sure?
One of the most distressing times he hid something was this past Christmas–he had been saving money and kept it in a wallet (because his paranoia does not allow him to trust banks) any way he had about $1600 saved (which is a fortune to us poor folks) we had plans to use this money for closing costs on a home we were purchasing. On Christmas eve he discovered the wallet was not where he last remembered having it the day before. We searched everywhere for hours. Inside our house–every cupboard, box, cabinet, under furniture, in toilet even, freezer, — outside in his truck. He was getting increasingly frustrated–blamed me said I had stolen the wallet or it was my fault that he had lost it, blah, blah. The only memory he said he had of the wallet the night before was of sticking somewhere under some clothes. We searched, and searched. Then after just about giving up- I stopped and looked around our small living room area and noticed a bump under a decorative scarf that covered the top of an aquarium. Guess what was hidden under that scarf?
You guessed it, wallet w/$1600 in it.