Well first of all, I sometimes feel crazy as a supporter. I feel crazy for putting up with his crap and I feel crazy for always having to figure out what kind of mood he’s in today, what I can say or not etc. It takes so much mental energy that , yes you do feel crazy! I think it’s different in David’s case because you just can’t get out when it’s your mother and also he doesn’t have to live with her but for those like me, we can get out and choose not too, does that make us crazy?????

I don’t think my son is crazy. He has just been diagnosed with bipolar and I can see how others might think his behaviour is a bit odd. I think that myself sometimes. Well, his behaviour is a bit odd at times. It is very stressful trying to figure out what to say or do if he’s in a “mood”, but I don’t think it would ever make me “crazy” being a supporter. Sad, frustrated, scared, worried, confused and hurt sometimes, but not crazy.

I have found it very difficult to be the only supporter of a person bipolar my beautiful 38yr old daughter is BP for about 13yrs now and I must say this last episode has left me completly devistated. I was not able to help her.
Thank God for once my ex husband toke over the reigns this time. I think everyone needs back up support.

When my 19 year old son is in an episode, he IS crazy! The other day, I had to call 911 because he not only put knives to his throat, he jumped up against the side of our stairs and put a gash in his side, and then went and grabbed a bottle of pills and went outside and laid down in the middle of our busy driveway!

Another time, his girlfriend’s dad called 911 because my son’s plan was to sleep in their car that night since they would not allow him to sleep in the house. It was 25 degrees below zero, with 40-50 below windchill! And he didn’t think twice about sleeping in the unheated car. He was driven home in a police car.

There are many other things I could add to the “crazy list”. When I hear the words that come out of my son’s mouth when he is in an episode, or the things he does, I do feel like he is crazy–and I feel like I am falling apart, trying to keep my son from being out of control, and trying to make life as normal as possible for the rest of my family. My husband took my son to his girlfriend’s house last night, and after they left, my 2 year old asked if Daddy was taking her brother to the hospital.
Isn’t that sad…

I believe that “craziness begets craziness”; however,I think that articals like yours help us all to get in touch with the REAL issues. Thank you. Linda Elliott-Rudasill

Neither of them are “crazy”, the are loving and needing to be loved. Everyone needs to be loved, in one form or another. Just becasue a person has bad vision does not mean that you will/should not fall in love with them, it means you should remind them to wear their glasses!!!

I do not think that my husband is crazy, however I do sometimes wonder about myself as his supporter. I sometimes am so emotionally worn out that I don’t have the capacity to even do normal, everyday things. I am so stressed at times by dealing with his bipolar disorder that I cannot get simple things accomplished because I am too busy trying to appease and calm him that all of my energy goes to that, protecting his (yes his, not ours) kids from his outbursts and making sure that they get what they need, being the only working person in our relationship, taking care of all household responsibilities, and then being criticized for not doing enough, being called lazy, stupid – – so do I feel like I am crazy??? Do you even have to ask the question?

The bottom line is that I love him and married him for better or worse. I would not walk away from him if he had cancer, or diabetes. This somehow is much harder emotionally to deal with because of the cruel outbursts that come from bipolar disorder. I also have no backup support. His family is hundreds of miles away, his father is bipolar, which has never been treated and his mother is deceased. Yes, I do feel crazy some days.

The dictionary defines crazy as: foolish, unsound, insane, mentally deranged, wild, aggressive, angry, extremely enthusiastic. I’d say that almost all these adjectives applied to my bi-polar loved one at one time or another. The variety of moods displayed in a short period of time could easily be called crazy. And yet the person can be intelligent, talented, personable and mild at other times. This is what makes the supporter so unsettled, never knowing “who” will be manifesting. In my case it became intolerable and unhealthy, and the relationship was destroyed, as well as the finances and home structure.

I honestly feel very few people can tolerate this disorder, it takes patients, understanding and a lot of will power. My wife is BP and she has done many things “wrong”, well, not her but her disorder did it. Even her parents say they are impressed with all the things I(we) have been through and my wife jokes and says I should be Sainted. The guy you wrote about is not necessarily wrong, but it really does take a lot of work to care for a person with BP. I made a promise when we got married “Through sickness and in health”. I don’t give up on her when shes doing well, why should I do it when shes sick? Anyway, my two cents.
Skipper

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I have bipolar disorder and I know I have done crazy things, but what worries me more is that my children, 31 year old daughter and 19 year old son, may also be sick. It is only two years that I accepted the fact that I had a mental disorder. About ten years ago, I did something crazy, but I did not accept it was a mental disorder, I thought I was gifted to talk to the astral world.

But, isn´t the world crazy? Aren’t wars crazy? There is too much crazyness in the world to understand the difference with sound minds.

I think people who love and who care and work for others are sound minds.

Thank you to all those helping the crazy people around.

Lucero

the things I have gone through with my daughter can be by an untrained person that she is crazy. she has done some crazy things like destroy my finances and my boyfriends. if it wasn’t for me she would be in jail. she has destroyed my property and has wrecked havoc in her personal life as well, however, I would not consider her crazy, just doing crazy things. due to her head being screwed up. I cannot get her to get help or stop doing drugs. I will however, never give up. she is an educated woman a degree in journelism, but so far she has done nothing with it. she states she hears voices and I believe her due to my younger sister being skitzo effective and the older one being skitzo effective as well. I have mine under control for now, but if I have to deal with her mania anylonger. I may have a relapse. Once again let me iterate no bi polar people are not crazy. sometimes it the person that is with them that makes them crazy. Negative people affect me as well.

the things I have gone through with my daughter can be by an untrained person that she is crazy. she has done some crazy things like destroy my finances and my boyfriends. if it wasn’t for me she would be in jail. she has destroyed my property and has wrecked havoc in her personal life as well, however, I would not consider her crazy, just doing crazy things. due to her head being screwed up. I cannot get her to get help or stop doing drugs. I will however, never give up. she is an educated woman a degree in journelism, but so far she has done nothing with it. she states she hears voices and I believe her due to my younger sister being skitzo effective and the older one being skitzo effective as well. I have mine under control for now, but if I have to deal with her mania anylonger. I may have a relapse. Once again let me iterate no bi polar people are not crazy. sometimes it the person that is with them that makes them crazy. Negative people affect me as well.
Peggie

I read all these comments and I realise exactly how difficult we all find this illness.
I love my boyfriend..he has left me again in a manic phase (and not sure he is coming back this time). he is ‘the most hansome, the best lover and the most sexy’ at the moment and he can do much better than little old me!!
Yes…I agree…this illness has destroyed me! As a supporter, I am left drained, with little self esteem, no confidence in my abilities or appearance, a face marked by stress and worry and I hurt, I really hurt…..yet I love my boyfriend???
So are we crazy? Are they making us crazy or are they crazy?
But yes, I love my boyfriend…I love his spirit, when he has ides to do something ‘a little bit crazy’, I love the plans he makes..which are always absurd and impossible, I love his passion and his sex drive, I love his ‘shopping skills’..it makes me smile (not my money!) I love his childishness (he is 40 but 25 in his head), his plans for his future (which include a super-model, children and a ‘perfect’ woman)…but I hate his deviousness, his lies, his calculating nature, his temper..though I don’t see it that often..his selfishness and the fact that the world starts and ends with him….but then I do love him…so is he crazy or am I?
A devoted but destroyed supporter….

I am Bipolar,I am NOT crazy,sometimes I feel that way,generally,if someone who is bipolar stays on their medication,and does what they need to do medically,they are far from crazy,it is however understanable to me how a sapporter who has been through alot with their bipolar loved one to feel this way,i cant say how i would handle all this as a sapporter,i have been through it all myself though without much sappot,on and off meds. ,jobs,relationships,credid cards ect.I think I have finally found someone who understands and has not given up yet thank god,to that person,i would say Im not crazy,i am Not going to go postal and hurt anyone,i guess it just depends on the extent of the Love you have for the person you are sapporting ,if it is worth all the ups and downs,We are not crazy,we dont like this anymore than you do,we like to be talked to not talked at,and we dont like to have a babysitter ,although sometimes we do,but if we take our meds and have sapport ,more often ,we do not need va babysitter.

I can relate to what Donna says. I feel that I was a normal, healthy person before he destroyed our relationship and turned my whole world upside down with his abusive rages and rejection of me (the one he once loved more than anything, he now usually hates more than anything). I also feel that if he succeeds in killing our love, I may never be able to trust anyone again or have a healthy relationship because I am afraid of being abandoned and of having commitments broken as easily as they are made, as he has done. I also feel like a torture victim, because he would tell me the things he knew I most wanted to hear and then reverse them and say that he’d lied and actually meant the opposite. So, yes, I feel crazy now for having given my heart to him. Every day I don’t know whether he will break it off altogether or want to get back together. The problem is that I love the part of him that was loving and tender and cannot get over losing that to the hateful side of him.

I can also relate very much to what Jill Devine says. I must say, I feel a little less crazy reading these posts, because I didn’t think anyone else had been through what I have, but it turns out quite a few people have. Thank God for the Internet.

I dated a man with bi-polar disorder for 14 months. According to his family he was stable for the past 7 years. I loved him very much and he is a wonderful person. Then he started messing with his dosages, became manic, dumped me, started running around with other women and a lot of the other stuff that happens. I was devastated but in the subsequent 6 months we have stayed in contact as I’ve had episodes of major depression and have empathy for these illnesses and I care about the person. It has nearly driven me crazy, being verbally abused and constantly walking on egg-shells while also grieving for the love I’d lost. Now he’s in and out of hospital and resists taking medication. I feel like I should walk away for my sanity.

Why is that rather than be understanding of a person’s ‘illness’ and ‘symptoms,’ MY family members want to label me as ‘sick,’ ‘needs help,’ ‘should be locked up for a very, very long time,’ ‘needs a straight jacket and a padded cell,’ — the list goes on. Do any of you have that problem with people you know that refuse to want to understand and be kind? What do you do? How do you correct their behavior? Do you bother with them? Why do you think they use those terms? If it were a disease like cancer, people are more sympathetic, but with bipolar, depression, etc, people want to put labels on those inflicted. I absolutely hate it. I am just wondering how the readers here deal with this??? I went to see my new psychiatrist today, he gave me three new prescriptions. When I came home, I found that the energy company had turned my power and heat off. I did not realize I have not paid for over two months. I don’t have a job now, feeling really stressed and have no one to really help me and my mother (who lives with me). I go back and forth with thoughts of suicide to obtain some type of relief. I hope the new meds will help. I feel very overwhelmed.

I am not crazy eventhough I have bipolar disorder. I believe supporters are not crazy either. We may feel like it at times. I believe that more people need to try to understand this disorder. It is hard to make people understand. I give it a try though. I try hard to open the eyes of those who don’t know about it. Have a great day.. Keep up the great work.

Susie, your comment made me smile for the first time today. I am also a people watcher, and it is one of the best things, I think I used to creep people out until I learned to be more subtle about it.
My husband and I had a disagreement about everything the day before he was on a flight to California today. He decided to give his Alchoholic sister more money when he was visiting with them. I know she isn’t hurting for money and I have created a strict budget for us. Then he comes home and says my (other) sister-in-laws house is always clean, and if I can’t keep our house clean we should hire a housekeeper or have HIS mom come and clean for us. Now I am the one with Bi-polar, how did I react I left, he said I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings I just wish you had more energy, I said It’s too late and went to sleep. Not the healthiest way to handle things but let me tell you. My hematocrt levels are “good” when they are around 28-30. If anyone has ever been anemic they know it takes a lot out of you, my levels go down when I menstrate. So last week although I felt manic, I felt good that I cleaned the kitchen and vacumed.

Princess_alana2004, Usually I have an argument and the next day or even hour all is forgotten. (I am still hurt this time though), here is where the BP kickes in I think. It’s like a defense mechanism, if you hold on to every argument that is when the episodes come in. I am afraid I can feel one comming on simply because on the way to the airport I fantisized about cleaning the house beyond beautiful, leaving my oldest and husbands favorite with his “wonderful, clean” mom and taking “the other one” who he tolerates and changing my name and never comming back. If you have seen other posts of mine you know I rave about how great a supporter my husband is, so logically, Something is wrong with me.
Melinda, Because my dad’s mother had BP he was abused in nearly everyway. One thing my parents insisted on was that we never call each other names. I have really tried to carry this on in my house. It is really difficult to hold my tongue, and I slip up occasionally but Verbal abuse is as bad as Physical and I am so sorry, I hate to give advice when I am in this state but if possible maybe you could sit down with your family and create a new household rule against name calling.
I have really thought about this crazy thing…If flamekindlers definition is correct then absolutely without a doubt, I am crazy. Having said that, sometimes it is really great in so many ways. Right now, no I can feel something big comming on but I don’t want to go to the hospital again. I was so over medicated I can barely remember a thing except passing out, being even mopre paranoid, and demanding they release me before it was recommended, I have “strangers” comming up to me and giving me hugs and telling me how great I was to them while we were there together. I had to stop nursing. I feel so guilty for leaving. I have a great will power and will never attempt suicide again, for fear of hurting my loved ones so much, but I am getting worse. I will say that because I am regular with my prozac I am not abusive and angry, just hurt.

Dear Dave,
everyone has their crazy days, me included who has had Bipolar for a while now but only has recently told people. The question i would like to pose is, who in this huge list of people has dealt with a person that has bipolar and who has also been in a wheelchair?

because that was me a few years ago and i asked the loved ones to tell me which one was harder to deal with? mental illness is as draining and troublesome as dealing with a physical illness, so why, becuase we may drain people from time to time does that make us crazy? is the person in the wheelchair crazy? are their lovers and friends crazy for not running away?

People who have accepted that they have bipolar and are trying to be treated are in my opinion the strongest type of people you could meet in today’s society. Do you supporters who get angry not realise how much it kills us everyday that we hurt you and frustrate you? do you understand that we know the way you look at us with disgust and revolt in your eyes and that it hurts us too?

I feel lucky in a way to have bipolar. If it wasnt for that i would have married a man who turned out to hurt me physically and emotionally in so many ways, and i loved him more than anything in the whole world.

love is not enough it seems, however, for all of you bipolar supporters out there. dont walk away from us, because our sign to you that we are trying our best is that we are taking our meds, when we have our good or even great days and that we go to our doctors. we dont do this for ourselves, at least the people i know dont. i do it for the man that i fell in love with, even though he doesnt want me anymore because i loved him. we do it for our familiies and we do it for you.believe me when i say, if it was me i was thinking about, if i did something to deal with bipolar for me, i wouldnt be here, because its so much easier to pretend its not there than to fight it.so cut us some slack, becuase all we can do is try.

i totally “get” what that guy meant..and i really don’t think he meant to imply that you could “catch” crazy from your loved one like a disease…i honestly think he was referring to the feeling you get after dealing with the person day in and day out! the toll it takes on you both physically and mentally, you sometimes begin to wonder why you do it? if you’re crazy for staying in a pointless situation! and also sometimes the “mind games” they play can leave you wondering if you are even sure what’s happening anymore! it’s crazy forsure!

I feel there can be some truth to both. I think if you have embraced the disorder as someone who has it or a supporter, then there are ways with living with it for sure. I was married to someone who I believe was bipolar, I started feeling like I was losing my mind shortly after we lived together, but because I didnt know what exactly was going on, I felt like I was losing my mind. However, I dont think he even realizes it, or knows it. Again, he was never diagnosed, but this is just my personal opinion. I even resorted to throwing things at him on two different occasions after feeling like I was losing my mind, from all the ups and downs and crazy things he would say to me..and trust me im not a violent person AT ALL. I felt like I could eventually be a lost soul if something didnt change. Anyways, he spiraled so out of control that we are now divorced, but this does not mean I think that all people with the disorder cannot have lasting, commited relationships. I think two people who are motivated by acceptance, embracing & taking steps to become knowledged about it can succeed. Of course there will be hard times. However, if you feel that the person with bipolar is going to drag you down as a mate, and an individual, then you have some choices to make.

My husband and I have had custody of our grand-daughter,since she was 1 year old.She’s 13 now and is bipolar.Life at our house is hell most of the time.I’m her target during an episode.My husband and our 2 sons,ages 24 and 25 didn’t know anything about bipolar.I sit them down and explained.She got to the point,that she tried to cut her wrist.She didn’t want to put us through the episodes and she didn’t want to feel sad anymore.We told her that we WILL make it through this and it WILL get better.Our sons are great with her.They’re there to help during and after an episode.They have held her down to keep her from leaving the house and they’ve cried with her afterwards.We’re not crazy— stressed but we’re not crazy.And she’s not crazy.A CRAZY person would be the one that would be DUMB enough to call her crazy, around the family that loves her.No,that would just be STUPID.Bipolar is an illness,just like any other illness that you are treated for.

I believe as a person with bi-polar that we can be very crazy when going through a manic, trust me I have been there. but with the right meds and doctors we are pretty normal. The supporters of people with bi-polar are not crazy for helping us. although we may drive them crazy at times. I think that they are hopeful,confused,concerned,and often frustrated because the disase itself is so damn relentless. With out the support of my girlfriend I would be crazy but with us together we are both pretty normal. So I think that the guy that wrote you may need to learn more about the disease and find some way to cope with it that will work well for him

thanks for listening,

jonnyboy

Dave,
I am very grateful to you for all you have done, specially for the excellent book that you had send to me “An overview of mental disorders” of your authorship and one great team.I am ear also the CD about DDD, that have some characteristics ,in the case of my loved one, similars to BP.The diagnosis, when you go to a doctor first time, is made by talk face face and in relation to the medicien that the pacient is already taking;besides it suffers the influence of the moment and of the mental reality of the person.Is like a line that go only to one side.About if I am go crasy, perhaps…but I am making force so that don’t become reality.Lilian P.

Dear Dave,

How are. i’m reading your letter everyday and i’m interesting about your subjects.
some time i’m lughing alot about what the people said!
i’m not good in english because i,m arabic but still trying follow you.
* there is something i hope you can help in!!
==> i’m in love with girle work in onther company but in the same building. but she work in the same office with my frind and he want her and force her to love him, She loves me as i do but we don’t want he knows about our relationship ( if he did, they will fired her from the company) .. some time he throgh some word to me and to her , but he is not sure about us .

what we sould do ? what i have to do ??

your frinds,
Ahmed
amd_uae@hotmail.com

okay, it’s just got to be said, you can’t just have bi-polar for “awhile now” you are born with it, it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and it is hereditary. it is not something you choose, catch, or develop. that is just who we are, always have been always will be, but we can manage it and make a good life for ourselves and those we love!!!

tell your girl friend to file a sexual harrassment charge against him, she won’t lose her job and you guys can be together if that is truly what she wants!

Any illness can destroy you. Any illness can destroy your relationships. Or they can make you stronger. I am a bipolar supporter and have been for over 20 years. I am also a two time cancer survivor. I really believe that the strength that I have gained from facing the problems that have been presented in my life by the bipolar episodes actually saved my life, because I had the attitude that I survived and overcame all of the problems associated with my husbands illness I can survive anything.
Of course it is a difficult to realize this when you are in the middle of an episode, but you have to keep thinking that your loved one can survive and so can you! You would not abandon a loved one because they developed a dread physical disease, you would do your best to be there for them. The same thing is true of mental illnesses.

this is for HelenM,
honey, don’t isolate, drag them little buggers outside and make them dig you a garden or worms or something, make them work off that excess energy then see who the “crazy” one is!!seriously, isolating isn’t good for us, when grandpa gets home, take a little ride with your favorite tunes or just the peace and quiet of the engine! go park somewhere off from the bustle of traffic and enjoy a quiet moment for you!!!

My partner is bipolar and I have been living with him and supporting him for the last 2.5 years. He is on meds but still has episodes during which times he is erratic, unreasonable, headstrong, selfish, and generally out of control. At times like these he does seem crazy. At first I was very supporting but over time my patience is wearing thin. The pressure of constantly trying to figure things out is driving me crazy. It really ‘does my head in’ trying to wrap my brain around the hows & whys of each episode. And so, yes I sometimes think that he is nuts and there are many times these days when I think I am getting there too!!! Someone, did ‘warn’ me early on which of course I ignored. And as much as I love my partner sometimes that ‘warning’ does come back to haunt me, & I wished I had taken heed.

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I have been with a bi-polar husband for what will be 25 years this fall. He has driven away friends and family I love (including our children) and run our finances to the ground because he hasn’t been able to hold a job for more than a short time. He is funny and good looking, and smart in many ways, but his temperament is really difficult. He screams like a banshee when things go even slightly wrong. We are celibate because he prefers pornography, saying sex is “a private matter.” (PS, I have kept my figure trim and appearance up in every way). I hate to give up after all these years, but want a little more out of life. He takes his medicine, but won’t do anything more than that, or consider switching doctors. What would YOU do?

oh my Mom is crazy.. She has bi polar and schizophrenia…Example.. Thanksgiving.. seconds after grace, she shouts “I love black C*@K and speed” to my huge Irish Catholic family.. It was hysterical, G*D I love her.

But now I am the one going nuts. My little one is severely autistic, and attends a full day program. He is not the problem, he is great. Thanks to my Mom, dealing with her disorder all my life.. I had the experience to get my child into a wonderful program. Now he requires every bit of my attention… I can’t be there for her, and her sisters and brothers have their own lives.. Now, I think she is in serious trouble. My mom lives in a mom & pop group home, that has just changed ownership. The new owners are not caring for her… The last time I had her, was May 2nd. ( I can’t trust her around my son at all, and she loves to call the cops in the middle of the night) She was the worst I have ever seen her, mentally that is… For the first time in my life, she publicly mortified me, not once, but a few times. Crying out loud, the woman almost got arrested for public drunkeness, shouted to a cafe (which i go to all the time) full of people, that I had every std in the book, and lunged out a car window at a friend.. This was not like her at all.. She hallucinates verbally all the time, but $hit, this was bad. It was just a little too much for me to handle. Then she started calling me for money, which, again is unlike her.. My whole family pools money together, every month and gives it to her slowly, it is more than enough for her to live on. Now my aunt, Mom’s accountant, is telling me that not only her cash, is being stolen, but all her clothing too. She has sores on her feet, because she has no socks. This woman is known for accumulating hundreds of pair of socks, to her a new pair is like a new car. I haven’t been able to call her. Every time I call I get voice mail. My family just got billed for $230 for snacks for the month. We can only surmise that they are starving the 25 people there, to force them to buy snacks from the kitchen, Her dentures gone, they have not replaced them, Nor her glasses.. Oh I forgot they billed us $700 for clothing, and last time we checked she was robbed again. Oh and 11 cartons of cigarettes, gone in less than a week. HAhah let talk about the real stuff though.. Her medication. She ain’t getting it. So now my once crazy but funny mom, is violent, nasty, and super depressed ( hey I am her kid, she always put on the happy face for me).

She needs out, but where? Hospital? Great, but they will only send her back to the same house when she is well enough to leave. I need to find her a home. Now. I am not the greatest daughter, I have learned all my compassion for her fly right out the window when she tells the world that I have every std known to man, ( hey at least she tells everyone she cured them immdiatley) I live too far away to care for her. My little one can’t tolerate the car for an 1 1/2 each way. I can’t just leave him with a sitter. Now I am desperate to get her out. I have not seen all of these thefts, or heard her say that they are not feeding her. My aunt told me this last night. I agreed only that I thought something was up. But I also agreed to make some calls today. I did, and she never called to follow up with me. I need her to speak up too, I am I sitting here wondering if I didn’t just royally screw my mother. I am wondering if her new caretakers are going to abuse her more, because I spoke up. Point Blank, she cannot live with any of us, she needs 24hr supervision & there is no where for her to go, nowhere. Tonight folks, my super squirrel farmer mommy dearest is looking way saner than I.

I can relate to what you are saying. My whole world revolves around my Bi polar husband, But I am trying to take care of my self also now. If for no other reason that my three year old son. Thank you for your post. Tonya