Hi,
How’s it going?
WOW lots of responses to my daily email yesterday.
I noticed a few people who are on my list asked me “why do you post these types of things do you need constant reassurance of what you are doing?”
The answer is no.
I am going to send a daily email out soon as to why I do this. There is of course a good reason.
For all wondering, ask yourself, do you think I am the kind of person that just does random stuff? I don’t. I plan. There are reasons for everything.
Anyway, I hope this day is a good one for you.
I need to tell you this story about a friend of mine, because I think it’s funny, and I think you will too, when you hear it:
This is the same friend who spends most of his days thinking about how to go out on more dates! Really!
Now, he’s a young guy that lives at home and has no bills. But he always has these dating strategies that are really funny but in a way make sense.
He was telling me the other day about
THE DATE TEST RUN
Basically, he has 9 different places he will take a girl out on a date.
In every case, he has the menu and what goes on. He knows where the bathrooms are. He pretty much knows who works there.
How? Well, he went there beforehand, got the menu, and asked lots of questions.
He even took it a step further and asked his mom what kinds of foods at each place would be good for a girl. (NOTE: He told his mom it was a project. He said it wasn’t “really” a lie to his mom, because it really was kind of a project. LOL)
Anyway, I was listening and thinking, “That’s a lot of work!”
Ok, so what does this have to do with bipolar disorder?
Here’s what:
I did the same thing for my mom’s doctor and therapist. (No, not take them out on dates. LOL).
But I did check both of them out in certain ways. And this is sort of how I developed my doctor finding system that I teach people about in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
You’re going to think I’m crazy, but this is what I really did:
I went to the doctor’s office by myself BEFORE my mom went. I wanted to make sure it was in a nice place. I actually went in.
I asked questions like, “Umm…is Dr. (I made up a name) in?” I wanted to see how I was treated.
If they said, “Scram, get the heck out of here, there’s no Dr. X.” I would have stopped my mom from going to that doctor.
I did the same thing with the therapist. I didn’t go in, but I looked at the outside door. Then I struck up a conversation with the people who were in the offices next to her.
I asked, “Hey, how’s it going? I noticed that there’s a therapist over there. My mom is looking for one. Do you know anything about her? Would you recommend her for your mom if your mom needed a therapist? Please be honest.”
I felt like people told me the truth – which was all good things.
NOTE: I timed the drive to both places just to see. I also checked around for traffic.
I felt good knowing where my mom was going. Back in the day, I had a plan to take my mom, but she wanted to take herself. Anyway, the point is that I was prepared.
Then I did something else. I called both places. I left messages to see the response time and how people responded.
Ok, I am going to admit something for the first time ever. I actually had one of my friends call as well.
He reported good things back to me, too.
This whole story may sound crazy to you, but I wanted to tell it to you to show you how important it is to find a good doctor and therapist.
My friend says, “Dude, you don’t want to screw it up. You have to have a dry run. They even do dry runs in the military, so it’s smart.”
I think so, too.
Lots of people think this is stupid and doesn’t make sense and these are people that don’t do well with bipolar disorder. These things make sense and work. It’s important. Would you buy a house without checking it out? Would you buy a car without a test drive? Would you marry someone with checking them out? Of course not.
This idea works. Try it.
Hey I have to run. I am going to the park. Actually on the park note. I can’t believe there are people that get all mad that I talk about going to the park. They write things like, “I wish my life was like yours and I could go to the park.” What the heck? Who can’t go to the park? It’s f.ree. EVERYONE can go not unless you are in a country that bans going to the park. There are people in wheelchairs at my park? They go without complaining and I talk to them all the time. For those complaining? Why can’t you go?
Give me one good reason for those complaining? Also let me know what you think of this strategy.
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below.
I think that the stratedgy is a very good one the first time that i went to see a therapist and doctor i didn’t check them out at all and i found out that they were not very good i had to wait for hours past my appointment to be able to see the doctor and i got very annoyed needless to say i have changed my doctor and therapist only this time i did check them both out and they are great i can’t see myself going to anyone else. For those who think that you have an easy life they are wrong and going to the park to relax is actually a better way to get your mind of your problems.
Hi Dave, Thanks so much for the Supporters Master plan. I am learning so much more and have had a plan in place but am learning about going out alone to research stuff before my daughter goes to someone who could set her back. I was up late reading and believe your dry run idea is great. It also helps me to know you do go out and run, take care of yourself. That is just a super way to stay healthy as you are best when you take care of yourself as a supporter. I am working my way to doing more for myself as a parent and then I can help others. too……Thanks for all you do! Enjoy your day, Mary
thank you very much for these daily emails i am trying to understand my disorder the doctors say i am not bipolar but i have all of the symptoms well the last therapist i went to i was very disappointed in him he would take me in talk to me for 5 minutes and then prescribe me a pill and out the door i went well i dont see him anymore because he has been put on leave for circumstances they will not disclose. i am tired of going to all these therapists only to be going and not getting any results its always a money thing or an insurance thing or they leave and i have to start over i am tired of opening up my door to the trash in my life only to have to keep restarting over and over with some 1 new. thats why i look forward to your emails and websites for this disorder because i am really tired of getting no results i know this was just for comments but i just wanted to let u know some people really do listen and try to help thanks for your emails u are better than a therapist
Don’t send me any more emails.I am not bipolar I don’t know anyone who is bipolar.
Jim Tattersall
I like your strategy, I think a big issue is that when a person with bipolar is back on there meds and feeling more normal the crisis is over and the supporters back off in need of regrouping for them selves. Lets face it most people wait until they are in crisis mode and react to situations rather then respond and pre-plan.
Very well put. Its a market just like buying washing machine or a car. Make sure it runs right and the service is caring enough to address your problems and questions if any.
I think that idea about giving doctor and therapist a test run. Like calling and such. That’s actually a smart idea. But some people don’t really have an option where they go, due to transporation and money. As for why people are irritated with your mini course. The things you talk about don’t really help. Like people your hiring and getting screwed over. That doesn’t offer any help. Which is frustrating. This disorder is frustrating and confusing. And some of us are new to this disorder. And we would like an actual mini course.
David,
I asked you to remove me from your daily and double daily mailing list.
Please do so immediately! Once again thanking you for your quick response!
Diane
Ya know David; you illustrated a point…..about checking out doctors, and any important human contact really!! I never thought about strategies and ( what’s that word …like when you first start a class; expectations and outline of the subject being taken? ), of dating, but
What I got out of your story was the researching for a GOOD physician.
The person I”m concerned with here, is bipolar and instead of going to a mental health office to have her meds adjusted, she’s been seeing a local physician…..who really is a PA, not a doctor….by the way.
Don’t you think she should be referred to have medication adjustments.
I just got up and probably should’ve waited to reply till eyes opened up, but I hope this makes sense.
Your emails are appreciated and sometimes I just have to react.
Geeze you sound young!! 🙂
Kathryn
My husband who suffers from Bi-Polar did not have a plan. He recently took half of our savings and fled to Hawaii (he was raised there) to “become a better father and husband.” He needed to make amends with step family that he has not seen or spoken to in 2o yrs. That was two weeks ago and he has spent all of the money(6000.00) plus the extra 600$ I have sent him. He stayed at the Marriott at 2000.00 for one week. We have always been very poor. He was recently awarded disability. His name was not any bank accounts to protect myself. His step Aunt was kind enough to let him stay on her couch this past week but he has worn out his welcome and must leave. He now wants me to send him 500.00 so he can find a place to stay, get cigarrettes, et. I know that he is drinking and gambling. The area he is in is not a good one. Drugs and homeless people on the beach not pool boys and fluffy white towels. I am hurt, angry and saddened because once again I believed in him and once again he has broken my heart. He knew that he could return if he would go into the hospital, go to therapy, treatment for addiction (He does not believe that he has an addiction) and support groups. He will on;y agree to see his doctor, ect’s and maybe counseling but not the rest. This will not change the behavior because he has always seen his Dr. and had ECT’s (But would never go to counseling). I am very, very confused. He has done many other things that are pretty bad. Some instances of minor physical abuse, dismantling the car so I cannot leave if I needed to, etc… All was contributed to a “cycle” and a hospitalization soon after. I shouldnt care but I still do. We have a 10 year old son who is remarkable. Honor student. caring and kind. Very sweet. So you would think that a lovely home and family would be enough but I guess its not. I dont know what to do. He will surely be on the street but do I risk repeating the same past scenarios by helping him again?
“Hey I have to run. I am going to the park.”
Would that be a dry run, or the real deal, David?!! LOL!
Hi Dave, I really like your test drive idea – but is it possible to go a little further? You have thousands of subscribers all over the world – is there some way to have people email in contact info on “good” doctors, therapists, psycologist and psychatrist that they have already found. Then some how sort them by country, state, zip code, city, etc. This would give people looking for a new Dr. a list to start checking. They should still use your methods to make sure the doc is right for them, but would give them somewhere to start with a reasonable chance of success. It would be good if you could also post a list of drs to avoid, but that may be legally complicated.
Thanks for all you do
Geoffrey
Hi.
It have to be a strategy to make sense, I agree with you.
I don’t like complainings, I also agree with you.
“There are reasons for everything” – I simply agree with you.
…To plan everything – maybe it’s a little too much, but it’s only my opinion.
Bye
Me again.
OK, I think I understand what you said, excuse me I’m not in in wheelchair at your park.
But you decide what to post, so what is the problem?
I have the right to have and say my opinion.
Bye
My friend, Dave!
How can I get in contact with you? Write to you, I mean?
I suffer from diagnosed PTSD, BUT – the schizofrenia parts AND, certainly, the bipolar parts have the doctors not noticed, although myself, my wife – who I am now in divorce with – my friends and, I believe, my children all noticed.
Now my life is a total mess. I have lost my wife – the divorce is running – , run to my teen love in x – I´m from S – (and, she was my REAL love, who I since she broke up when I was 18, or 17, have loved deep deep down in my heart always, day in day out more or less vivid, alive, and, also repeatedly through all years! dreamt about – or more correct, dreamt that mare that she vanishes, goes away, is impossible suddenly to reach, slips away, et cetera…) I am disfellowshipped, for the second time, from Jehovah´s witnesses, I have become retired due to sickness – this mental disease, AND – my bipolar and PTSD signs have strongly and rapidly caught me that much, that now I cannot do anything, take no decision, (hardly) not eat if I am not in company with someone eg this x woman, not take necessary steps to get treatment here in x OR go back to S to get “treatment”, “health care”. The “” are there because the mental care in the part of S where I happen to live is downsized to below zero.
I have MUCH more to say, tell, or ask. But I don´t write more here, as I don´t know if you read this answer, or have time to reply!
I have been at the mental emergency three times here the week before this. I got Seroquel, for the first time, this medication. I read about it. It is used much to help schizofrenic people. It has helped – but I don´t dare to take even the dose recommended because I cannot then get more prescriptions sinced I am not “written” here in x – and I don´t dare to write myself as really living here since I am this bad, even suicidal, and won´t give this to x, this x woman, and even more destroy HER life.
I prepare to die, Dave. I don´t LIKE to die, since I really really really have loved life and living, and through now about 20 – 25 years hoped for better days to come, AND, I HAVE FAUGHT!!!, you should know!!!!!!!
But, I am stuck in the dead end now.I don´t pretend now, and I don´t yell too loud about this. I know my inner screams and signals, and hence I know where I am mentally now.
How can I get in contact with you, Dave?
Or, is there ANYBODY just ONE soul, out there now? I CAN`T stay more, I´m fading away NOW, so this is why I tolerate myself to write this, all this enormously private here.
So, yes – I know this is a terrible message to let out here!!!!!!!
Dave,
You planning to get married, buy a car and a house? you forgot the “not” in the married section. enjoy the park!
Hello Dave
Well I must say that is a funny as well as interesting strategy. However you got a good point there. Planning things in advance is always good as to just go and do it without the planning. I got a saying about optimism and pessimism. I believe one should not be one of two but one should be both or at least look at both. If one plan to go on a road trip for instance you should not just get in your vehicle and just take the trip without looking of what can go wrong first and then plan for it. So one should actually look at every possible thing that can go wrong on the trip and then ask yourself what you can do to overcome a specific negative. A simple example: You can get a flat tire so the action you should take to prevent it is to make sure your spare tire is in good shape and filled with air. That is how one should plan a road trip. Take the pessimism and turn it into optimism but you are right one should have a plan and you it is so that one would rather want to go to the best doctor. There is just something that I wonder about. The receptionist of a doctor doesn’t always determine how good the doctor is, does it?
Have a great checking out your doctor’s day.
David,
What you say makes perfect sense.
As information becomes more plentiful, you’d THINK it would be eaiser to find out whether a doctor or therapist is any good, if their office staff treats patients like people, and if calls are returned promptly. But really, the easier it is to put information out there, the easier it is to put CRAP out there.
Personal recommendations are great; personal recommendations from people you already know are even better; and personal experience is the best.
You were very smart to check out your mother’s therapists and physicians yourself.
Take care,
Sugar Magnolia
PS: I like the way you write and the level of information and ideas you provide. I think you do a huge service.
My 3 dogs and I just came back from the park and a wonderful time we had. Yes, I have to make time for it, but it does help my mental health. Your ideas are so basic and so wise.
Why didn’t I think of it before I found the quack who told me all my problems were because my husband ignored me and I needed someone to pay attention to me (yeah, he volunteered). I had enough sense to know going against my core values was not a wise thing to do.
I am bi-polar and lookin for another doctor as mine is leaving private practice to go to the state mental hospital, where she really is needed (so she says). I have a list, but no where to start. Now I have a plan. Thank you.
First off, give one reason to complain…well, reminds me of a salvage yard called “Quit yer Kitchen” a play on words for “quit you be itchin” if you get my drift…used to crack me up!
So, how do we determine the difference between “complaining” and “asking for help, by talking about our problems” that is the real question. A lot of us think that we’re just “chatting it up” with others when we talk about what’s bothering us, and hoping that someone will have an answer, or something they’ll say will be helpful to our particular needs. After all, when we greet someone, it’s common practice still in America, to say “how are you?”. Dwelling on our problems…well, that is a problem.
Now, on to the very disturbing post by Michael. If you don’t get a response from Dave or someone else trained to handle your immediate concerns, go back into the emergency center. If the medication WAS working, then you need to stay on it, not go off it, so go back on it! If the emergency center isn’t working for you, go check yourself in to the local mental health section of your nearest hospital. You can stay there, they will monitor your new medication – it takes time for it to work Michael – you can rest easy knowing people care and are taking care of you – and they monitor your progress, the doctors and nurses have daily review meetings as a group and when they feel you are good and your thoughts are stable, they will say you can go home. Once you get your mind stable, you can go home, your new medications will be good and you’ll want to stay on them, and then you can look into healthy things to do for yourself to make your life good. DO NOT do anything drastic right now, go to a hospital. People care about you – you are on earth for a reason, and you need to be here!
Cheryl
I kinda LIKE the idea of a “Date Test Run!” Wish MORE of my “blind dates” did that kind of research LOL.
Unfortunately, my Mom set up all the appointments with my new psychiatrists when I first got sick in the late 60s. The first time I went to her, her manner was such that I was soooo turned OFF, I never kept another appointment. There was no way I could check ahead of time what kind of office or personnel worked there; my Mom didn’t believe I even HAD a mental illness, so she didn’t understand or do anything but tell me NOT to read the side effects of my medications!!
After my last hospitalization in 1977, I didn’t have a follow-up psychiatrist, and went downhill VERY fast. I was in a clinical depression for a year; my PCP referred me to the local Community Mental Health clinic. As luck would have it, the psychiatrist I saw for my first visit, turned out to have been a tech on the psychiatric floor of the University Hospital when I was there 7 years before! He UNDERSTOOD me, because he helped take care of me while I was on the ward. He asked all the right questions, and ordered Desipramine; within 3 weeks, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel – the depression was lifting. I have been a client of the Clinic ever since, and have been VERY happy with the support I get there.
All I can say to others is – if you’re at ALL uncomfortable with your mental health care professional – look for another. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
I read your emails every day and see and hear so many things that apply to my daily life. I am a supporter for an Adult (my daighter).
She not only is Bipolar but is also ADHD and has Multiple Personality Disorder and is also too smart for her own good.
I have finally found a good Doctor and she has had a good therapist for a while now, and after a massive trauma she is now taking medication.
It dosen’t help that she had a daughter two years ago who was born with COMPLEX CIANOTIC HEART DISEASE. Who is also very strong willed.
So I support both of them and every day is a battle for me as I have to work full time to support us all.
To day when I finish work I am going to take time to go for a walk in the park, I think that some me time will be theraputic. Thank you
Your Strategy; “A Dry Run” sound’s a “sound & appropriate” way to find a good Dr. or anyother healthcare provider.
In regards to my sister; I live a 2 hr. drive from her, it was necessary for her to act in a way that posed danger to herself or others before she could get the help she needed & she had one incident where she “went to a Presidential Debate” where supporters were representing 2 different presidentail candidates. In her mind; she was going to be a running 2008 candidate for presidency also & since she had no-one representing herself; she was going to approach the podium & express her own political view’s in running for presidency. Security phoned the police on her & she was escorted to a mental facility where she was admitted on a 72 hr. observation & then, as a patient. She refused to take her medication that was perscribed, so she was taken to court for commitment; initially as an in-patient; but with a care plan to help her on an eventual out-patient basis. Her commitment has been extended from 90 days origionally to 1 yr.; I’m now familiar with her appointed Care Providers. I’ve made it a point to phone her Case Worker &/or her Health Care Team & provide insight & request input to her progression &/or set-backs. In my situtation, mine is having faith in her Care Providers; but I feel my interest & support in my sisters care does help. So far; @ times it seems a long process before positive changes are recognized; but I am recognizing “good things & more stability” as time passes. so I won’t try to interfere with whom is providing her care. I feel their taking a personal interest in her circumstances & for that reason, they have my support & respect.
hey dave i think that is great advice my son is with a qack right now an i am game to try anything . i so far have felt very bless to have found you an your web site it has gave me a lot of strenght an i look for ward to reading your stuff so thanks an take another walk in the park on me.
Dave
I have a big question adn I hope you can answer before the end of the day if not before. I resently left a guy that has been bi-polar for at least 15 years. I have been with him for 5.
I just declared bankruptcy, and am presently living with my daughter and her fiance.
I care so much about him, but he phoned me the other night and asked if it was alright for him to see someone else. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want him to feel bad,or guilty,as he is already feeling that way about putting me into bankruptcy.
My head tells me to leave ti alone, my heart tells me something else.
In your opinion should I tell him how I feel????
Jennifer
Dave
I have a big question and I hope you can answer before the end of the day if not before. I resently left a guy that has been bi-polar for at least 15 years. I have been with him for 5.
I just declared bankruptcy, and am presently living with my daughter and her fiance.
I care so much about him, but he phoned me the other night and asked if it was alright for him to see someone else. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want him to feel bad,or guilty,as he is already feeling that way about putting me into bankruptcy.
My head tells me to leave ti alone, my heart tells me something else.
In your opinion should I tell him how I feel????
Jennifer
It sounds like we have a very different doctor system in the UK to you in the US. On the one hand, ours is better in that we have the NHS and doctors appointments are free, with just a small charge for meds. On the other hand, you have no choice with your doctor. You have to go to the closest one to your home. If they are bad, you are stuck with them unless you move house. So the “shopping around” tips don’t really apply to your readers in the UK. Some areas don’t even have therapists or anyone else for the BP person to visit. Just a doc, to get meds.
People complain because they work in jobs that don’t allow them the freedom to drop everything to go to the park. When I was working 3-11 for a local facility, my husband would call and say he was going to go play golf. I thought it was unfair that I had to work and he got to play. Life isn’t fair and I let it go. Your strategy is interesting. I do check out everyone before I go to them but not to the extent you described. As a nurse, I am particular about doctors and therapists. My daughter is Bipolar and never has a plan. In her mania she gets stuff done but is very disorganized. I will share your strategy with her.