Hi,
I hope you had a good Christmas.
Now comes the hard part, though.
Going back to a regular routine.
And having a regular routine is crucial for people with bipolar disorder and their supporters.
It helps them keep their moods more level.
It helps them to organize their days.
It helps them to make sure to take their medication every day, which is absolutely crucial to their stability.
If they keep a To-Do List as part of their routine, that would definitely help them feel more productive.
That’s just one of the things I recommend in my courses/systems for someone with bipolar disorder to do to help themselves.
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Because sometimes the excitement and all that of the holidays can bring out the mania in someone with bipolar disorder, it is very important that you help your loved one get back to “normal,” or their daily routine, as soon as possible after the holidays.
Also, they may have been under a lot of stress because of the holidays. There may have been situations they
had to deal with that made them anxious – such as office affairs, family gatherings, or Christmas parties — that were hard for them to deal with.
They might need this time to get back to normal now, to “de-stress.”
The best thing you can do for your loved one now, after the holidays, is to just support them.
Help them get back into a normal routine.
Keep things around the house as much as It was before the holidays as you can.
And understand that it might take a little time for your loved one to make the adjustment back to their pre-holiday self.
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Post responses below
Fortunately we kept it low key this year and I avoided stressful situations altogether. Although we’ll be heading to my folks this weekend and that should be stressful. Hopefully we’ll make it out of their without too much damage. I’m changing linens to Valentines Linens so we’re going from holiday to vd theme change. It’s calmer and keeps me from hitting that lull.
Happy NY!
Hi David
All well and good but who supports the supporter when they left two days before Christmas? Declaring their undying love (as my partner had been seeing another woman and assured me that it was all over) obviuosly not!!
Oh well whatever will be will be.
Every Christmas my 40th he was sent to prison and his 50th two weeks ago he was away on “business”, his girlfriend lives in spain he did however come back the following day and that was nice. He assured me that she would be gone on the 19th, sucker!!!! I am 60k in debt and he has made all the right noises in all the right places and like a sucker I fell for it because I did believe that prison had straightened him out, what a fool I am.
He has developed my scale of paranoia to levels of the radar and I was constantly questioning him because I just knew he was lying to me. The last time I saw him we ended up in a row because again I didnt believe what he was saying and he slapped me and told me I made him do it and that I am not the woman for him, phoned my girl up and told her we dont get on and he wont be here for Christmas and ran off. He did however come back and was full of sorrow and apologies and assured me that he would be getting help.
Two days later he was gone. Where does it end and I wonder why so many people walk away because it becomes a choice of ones sanity or being walked all over.
So no, sorry David I did not have a good Christmas but I do sincerely hope everyone else did.
Out of my tiny little mind
Julie
My family and I traveled to visit family for the holiday several states away. It’s stressful being with my husband anyway, because he is so unpredictable, but our parents are aging and felt it was important to spend time with them.
As always, I knew that that my husband would have his ‘high’, prior to seeing his father and while visiting his father, then would begin his out of control, emotional spiral south for the rest of the holiday-as predicted, it happened. Actually, it happens every time he visits. He will cry on the way to my folks home and the crying turns to anger-where he yells at us.
We have three children, ages 17, 14, and 11-and my husband blamed us for his lack of happiness and constant frustration. He snapped at us in front of family members who shot looks at one another in disbelief.
It is so frustrating to try to communicate in any way to this man who twists and manipulates everything to make him look like the victim. After all of his outburst toward the kids and me-he slept for hours-15 hours from Christmas day until the next day. He napped for several hours as well.
I have expressed my frustration to him and that I am ready to walk away from our 18 year marriage. I cannot but these children through this any longer.
We choose to make Christmas the best we could while he slept :0)
and choose to handle him with TLC when he was awake. (Well, we didn’t say much at all to him.)
Hi David, I’m new at this so I hope I don’t blur any lines. Part of my mental stuff is 23 yrs of recovery from alcoholism. I have a good handle on that after all these years but emotionally I pop out once in a while. Far less than a few years ago, helped by the fct that I no longer work. I was going along, happy, had made presents for the girls I sponsor in my 12 step program, planned a dinner for 8, all were coming, my house looked like a Christmas wonderland in almost every room and then my 40 yr old son called. He was coming to surprise me for Christmas. He hates Christmas. I realized my parents and I were drinking for all of his “formative years” Christmases but that’s been over for years now. Still, he is like a black vortex moving in for the holidays. I’m not sure if that’s how he is or that’s how I see him but it happened again. I tried to talk to him and he spoke sternly to me saying “It’s you… It’s not me, it’s you”! He said he had driven thousands of miles to be with me because he knew he was my only family and I was miserable if he did not come. That’s not true and I tried to tell him that but I began hyperventilating and couldn’t breath. He took my hand, told me how to breath and got me under control. He left the next day. We said all the right things and hugged but it just doesn’t feel right. I realized he doesn’t know me. He knows “the drunk” who raised him. All these years of recovery I was not with him, living with him, so he doesn’t realize the difference 23 years of recovery and proper medication make. I’ve written a letter to him trying to explain but I haven’t sent it. I’m really just sort of frozen and don’t know how to move. Is my reaction, inabililty to breath, part of the bipolar stuff or am I just a mental case?! Also, I’ve begun counting. Any repetitive action after a moment, I realize I’m counting each movement. It’s really annoying and I don’t know where it’s coming from. Dusting, sweeping, doing dishes, here I am, counting! What’s that about?
David,
Great newsletter! Learning more about BP everyday. My daughter (15) attempted suicide on 11/18 & again on 11/30. She is recovering and at our home On 12/16 my wife of 24 yrs. served a Temp. Restraining Order on me while I was recovering from a broken leg 45 miles away from my home. All allegations were false in order to get the restraining order. I’d been away for 25 days when served. Neither 15 & 10 y/o called on Christmas. I’ve been to court to clear my name. Restraining Order in effect for 12 mths. Just trying to get my head wrapped around all this. On 200 mg. Tegretol, 2x/day. I hope we can salvage our marriage. Sorry to ramble but any words of encouragement would be much greatly appreciated. Happy New Year & again Thanks, Darryll
Well, back in town with my bipolar son (Tony) not even one day and he was off to see friends. This was a bad thing gone worse, he begain drinking the hard stuff by 3 and went on to Grass and by 2:30 in the morning he came home. We found out next day how far he ad sunk, forceing his way into a home of his girl friend and going manic. The owner of the home knew Tony and did not have a phone or he would be in jail and he is on probation, luck for him. my wife and I are all but ready to send him back to jail. We thought he was doing good, but he has been slipping back into old habits with his drinking. I love my son but the lies are cutting deep into my heart and don’t know if I can hold on much longer he needs more help than we can give him.
Near Done John
To JAN: Yes – the inability to breathe during moments of high stress is a symptom of bipolar. Actually, you were having a “panic attack,” which I get occasionally, and my pDoc prescribed PaxilCR for those.
As far as “counting” – COUNT ME IN!! During my “down” periods after hospitalization, I counted EVERYTHING. From how many steps to the other building from where I worked, to having repetitive songs in my head while cleaning. Although this is not “normal” for some bipolar survivors, it often happens to keep our minds agile. I wouldn’t worry about it – it eventually goes away. Aside from the “bipolar,” you are NOT “mental.”
I have begun to say The Lord’s Prayer and the 23rd Psalm at traffic lights, just to pass the time. I KNOW this isn’t “normal” behavior, and I may be going into some kind of “after Christmas episode,” but I’m TRYING to keep everything in order. I had a GREAT Christmas, and guess I’m just “coming down” from the excitement.
Today, I have a bank “screw-up,” but haven’t heard back from them. I put the ad back in the local paper to rent my room, and my refinancing has been “registered” (whatever THAT means). I have NEVER been this poor, and HAVE to figure out a way to make money. However, I am being PROACTIVE with my stressors instead of letting them steamroll over me.
I’m wishing ALL of you a HAPPY, HEALTHY and PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!! It can’t be as bad as 2008!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Hi.
“Happy New Year!” for you Dave and your team and all the supporters with&without bipolar disorder.
I appreciated the article “Being the Ultimate Perfectionist” and I wish to say this: sometimes, mistakes offers you new possibilities, opportunities, alternatives never achievable in a normal way. So, doing mistakes can be a blessing… Of course, don’t exagerate!
Hello David,
Hope this finds you well. I am just beginning to learn about bi polar and
what it means to live with someone who has it. Thanks so much for sending all this information.
One of the things that has happening in my case is that my spouse has
changed dramatically in the past two years. She is less cooperative, less
interested romance and sex, more interested in shopping. Our house is now full of clutter, she is on orderly payment of debts (she had none when I met her 5 years ago). We are going to a marriage counsellor, she is going to her own counsellor, she now has a psychiatrist and is on mood stabilizers (started a year ago). She is diagnosed with cyclothymia (which I notice you never mention).
She has changed so much I don’t think I would have married her had I met her now. I miss the good times. Can you tell me are changes like this permanent?
I understand there is a chance that she will become bi polar 1 or 2. Will
her personality change even more if that occurs?
Thanks
John
John, it’s not permanent, but neither is normalcy. I am having a rough time right now – I think the thanksgiving into new years time frame actually sets off episodes. I have two adult children going through this right now, both unmedicated, one not in communication with us at all and the other lives with us but hates us right now. To me the worst parts are my youngest daughter and grandsons seeing me miserable and watching my daughter scream at me.
Actually I am afraid with the ways things have been that I might go into an episode…my mother, my brothers, my children, man am I scared of this.
this christmas i am having a relapse…first in years…i became very mani with the holidays this year and (i love the high)…but when you come down it is hard…i spend every hour wishing i was dead and wondering if anyone would even care….oh how i wish…i really hate these feelings…and i live in silence….no one knows