Hi,

Have you ever known a real controlling person? Someone who had to be in control of everything

(and everyone) around them? This type of person can be very annoying. They can go from, say, if it’s someone you’re dating and they order your dinner for you… Or someone you’re married to and they pick out your outfit for you… To your boss who tells you what to do… And exactly how to do it! Controlling people absolutely have to have control. If they ever feel that something is not in their control, they feel very insecure. And they do everything they can to bring everything back into their control.

Well…I’m not saying you’re like that or anything…Please, please don’t be offended or think that I’m saying that, because I’m not saying that at all. But what I am saying is that each of us likes to think that we are at least in control of our own little world around us. We know we can’t exactly predict every little thing…But we do like to know that some things are at least predictable. But people can frustrate us. Because people aren’t predictable. And people can’t be controlled. They will do what they want to do anyway.

So in life…There are some things that are under your control…And some things that aren’t.

That’s just the way it is. So when you’re dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder…

You have to accept that they fall under the category of not being able to control them. No matter how much you might want to. And that can be very, very frustrating. Especially when you see them doing things that are destructive and self-destructive.

So what can you do? You have to practice the concept of: LETTING GO. You can only do so much. In other words…There is only so much that is under your control. The rest is out of your control. So the rest you have to learn to let go of. You have to trust that things will work out the

way they should. And that is the hard part. Trust. Because by this point, your loved one has probably blown your trust in them by the things they’ve done in their bipolar episodes. So it could be very difficult for you to trust them at all. Ok, so maybe we have to leave the trust issue alone for a little while. Maybe we’ll have to build up to trust. And that will come with time.

But you can let go of those things you can’t control. You can at least do that.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews585/

Here are the news headlines:

May is Mental Health Month
DO> Did you know this?

Epilepsy and psychotic illness ‘linked closely’
DO> Wow, this is interesting

When Illness Makes a Spouse a Stranger
DO> This is the truth isn’t it?

Trouble at the Heart of Psychiatry’s Revised Rulebook
DO> Do YOU think it is?

Bipolar symptoms may begin in teen years: US study
DO> Of course it does, how is this news?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews585/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You may or may not read a lot of those types of magazines like Cosmopolitan, Esquire, etc…But you may see them in your doctor’s or dentist’s waiting rooms. And you can’t help but see the headlines scream out at you about relationships…And what makes a good relationship and what

doesn’t. And when they do, they inevitably talk in their articles about: COMMUNICATION.

Because good, effective communication IS what makes a good relationship good. In fact, experts do say that when a relationship starts to go bad, the first thing you need to look at is the communication. Well, it’s the same thing in a relationship where one of the people has bipolar disorder. You still need to have good communication. In fact, I would say that you need to have even better communication. Because there’s a chance that, because of their bipolar disorder, your loved one can misinterpret what you say…And that can cause problems. In fact, because of their tendency toward irritability, agitation, anger, and rage…They can easily take what you say the wrong way…And the next thing you know…You are in an argument with them…And you don’t know what to do.

There is a saying that goes: “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” Which is a good saying, but…When you’re dealing with a person who has bipolar disorder, you can try to do that and still end up fighting. Because what you think you’re saying may not be what your loved one ends up hearing. They may misinterpret what you say. In other words…They might mis-hear what you say. It might be colored by their disjointed thoughts if they’re in a manic episode, for example. Or their irrationality may make them think something else than what you mean for them to hear. So you have to be very careful HOW you say things to your loved one, and not just WHAT you say.

In fact…You can use your body to help you in this. For example: If you lean your body in towards them when they’re talking…It shows them that you’re listening to them. It shows them that what they’re saying is important to you. If you touch them lightly, say on the arm or shoulder, while they’re talking… It can give the impression that you’re sympathetic to what they’re saying. You need to be careful of this, however. Because some people, especially when they’re in a manic episode (with a heightened sense of awareness)… Might not want to be touched. You can also nod your head in certain places as your loved one is talking. This will also show that you’re listening and that you’re interested. And it will encourage them to talk more.

These are just some ways you can use your body to help you communicate more effectively with your loved one.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

One of the first things parents teach their children is to get along. Unfortunately, that isn’t always such an easy thing to do. A mother might be tending to something in the kitchen, only to hear a scream of “Mine, mine, mine!” piercing through the air. Then she has to go into the other room and become a referee to her two children involved in an argument over a toy. Even as they become older, arguments seem to become an inevitable part of life. Magazines are constantly writing articles on relationships and how to communicate more effectively. But they don’t seem to give advice on how to argue more effectively, do they? Well…If arguing is inevitable, then I ask you, why not give advice on how to argue more effectively? That’s what I want to talk about today.

Because anger and rage are very common problems when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And because of this, it’s only reasonable to conclude that arguments are going to crop up because of that. And you can probably attest to that, right? Some of your arguments have probably been pretty bad, too, haven’t they? The problem is that sometimes they seem to pop up out of nowhere. And sometimes you can’t even seem to figure out what started them! That makes it hard to figure out how to stop them, either. So the best thing you can do is try to figure out how to handle these arguments when they do occur.

I want to tell you about a surprising way to argue with your loved one. Tell them that they’re right. That’s right – Simply say, “You’re right.” That’s one of the quickest ways to end an argument with your loved one. I’ll tell you why: Because sometimes…A person with bipolar disorder in a manic episode will get an idea into their head, wrong or right…But they will believe that they are right. And they will keep going with this idea no matter what it takes until you admit that they’re right. So the sooner you do it (even if they’re not right)…The sooner the argument will be over with. But here’s the thing: Sometimes it could even be about the most trivial thing! But still they have to be right! It’s a pride thing. So, in this case, you have to swallow yours…And let them be right. Yes, even if they’re not. You have to be the better man.

Notice I said “let them be right.” Chances are that they’re not going to be right. Chances are that you are actually the one who is going to be right in this case. But that’s going to have to be enough for you. Just to know that you are actually right, I mean. And somehow you’re going to have to be able to say, “You’re right” to your loved one and seem like you mean it anyway. That’s if you want to stop the argument.

It may seem like a hard thing to do…Especially if you know that you are really right. And you may not want to do it. You may even resent having to do it. But ask yourself: Would you rather do this…Or keep arguing? Because your loved one will just keep on arguing for as long as it takes until you do say it. Remember…They are not thinking rationally. But you are. You must do it, for the sake of peace.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews584/

Here are the news headlines:

College students vulnerable to bipolar disorder
DO> School and bipolar is really tough, agree?

Great Lakes Mall To Host ‘Expressions of Recovery’ Art Show
DO> This sounds fantastic. Are you going to go?

Psychiatry’s bible, the DSM, is doing more harm than good
DO> So many people say this, do you agree?

Violence and mental illness: case of Norway’s Breivik reveals our prejudices
DO> What do you think of this case?

Is There Really an “Epidemic” of Psychiatric Illness in the US?
DO> Do you think so, many think it’s all made up?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews584/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

When you were younger and you didn’t feel like going to school…Your parents made you go anyway, didn’t they? Yep, mine made me go, too. Even when I didn’t feel like it. What about later? When you didn’t feel like going to work? You still had to go, didn’t you? Even when you didn’t feel like it. You can’t just call in sick just because you don’t “feel like” going to work that day. You have a responsibility to be there. And you have to meet that responsibility. Otherwise, other things will suffer. Like the bills not getting paid and other things.

Well, unfortunately, it’s the same with being a supporter. You can’t just “call in sick” because you don’t feel like “showing up” one day, can you? Even if you don’t “feel like” being there.

Just like back in school… or at work. You have responsibilities to your loved one just like you did at school and have at work. People depend on you at work, and your loved one depends on you at home. You have to “show up” and meet those responsibilities. Whether you feel like it or not. And sometimes that can be frustrating, I know.

Frustration is one of the biggest negative feelings you can have when you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder. I know, because there were many times that I experienced

frustration when I was trying to help my mom with her bipolar disorder. I got so frustrated that time when she was in her worst episode that I wanted to turn around and walk out on her and never come back! (but of course I didn’t). The point is that many times, I sure didn’t “feel like”

being her supporter! There were many times that I just had to “show up,” like we all had to back in school on those days when we didn’t “feel like” going and our parents made us go anyway. On those days when you’re that frustrated, you just kind of tie a rope and hang on, it’s all you can do. And you hope that the next day will be better than today.

The thing is, that those days are going to happen. It’s just inevitable. Yes, there are going to be some days where your loved one seems to have improved in leaps and bounds. And that’s great!

But those days are few and far between. Mostly, their recovery will consist of long, dry days that seem to go on forever…Days where they don’t seem to have made any progress at all. Or, worse yet, days where they seem to have even gone backwards a little (or even a lot). Or they could have even had a relapse, or an episode, when they were doing great for a while, or even a long time (or so you thought). So that’s when you can get really frustrated. And so can your loved one. Then it’s really bad, when both of you are frustrated. It’s hard to keep a positive attitude then. But you still have to – You still have to “show up,” even when you don’t feel like it. It’s how you get the best of this thing called bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Remember back in school, how there were all those different kids in class? There was the teacher’s pet, of course. Then there was the class trouble maker. Then there was the class “dunce.” Then there was the class clown. Then there was the popular kid. And the one who seemed as if everything came so easy to him (or her), even those A’s. You may have been one of those kids I just talked about. You may even have been the one who got those easy A’s. Or you may have been someone who had to study real hard for the grades you got.

If your parents were good parents, they probably told you that just trying your best was all they

asked for. Well, I think that should ring true in life as well. Especially if you’re supporting a loved one who has bipolar disorder. You have so many responsibilities when you’re a

bipolar supporter, and sometimes it can be really hard. So sometimes just doing your best is all we can ask of you.

But then you might say: “But what if my best isn’t good enough?” I’ve talked to many supporters who have felt that way. They feel like they’re doing their best to be the best supporter they can be to their loved one with bipolar disorder, but their loved one doesn’t respond in the way they think they should. Well, I’ve got a few things to say to that.

For one thing, there are some things over which you have control, and other things over which

you have no control. And one of the things you DON’T have control over is your loved one. So you could be trying your best, you could even BE the best bipolar supporter in the whole world… but you still have no control over how your loved one is going to react to your efforts.

The bottom line is that they still suffer from bipolar disorder. And it’s going to make them do things that THEY don’t have control over. Like their bipolar episodes and the things they do during them, for example.

What I’m saying is that your loved one may do something during, say, a bipolar manic episode

that they definitely wouldn’t do if they weren’t in an episode. Then the next thing you know…

You’re reacting in anger over something they do in that episode, such as excessive spending.

And the problem is, usually they don’t even remember it after the episode is over! Well, you can’t take that personally, or think that it’s because of you or a reflection on your ability as a supporter, because it isn’t – it’s just part of their bipolar disorder.

Another thing is…You need to be realistic about your expectations of both your loved one and yourself. You may think you’re doing an excellent job as a supporter, but your loved one isn’t getting better as quick as you think they should, for example. Well, this could have nothing to do with your role as a supporter. It could just be that everyone is different, and everyone recovers at their own pace – your loved one may just be recovering slower than someone

else. The important thing is not to compare them to anyone else and to have realistic expectations of them. Also, be realistic of your expectations of yourself as well. Don’t look upon their slow recovery as a reflection of how poorly a job you’re doing as a bipolar supporter, as that is most likely not accurate. I’m sure you’re doing a great job! The important thing is that YOU realize that you’re doing a great job. You just can’t expect yourself to be perfect, or to

compare yourself to anyone else, either. And you certainly can’t measure your ability to be a good supporter by how quickly your loved one recovers. All you can do is to do your best, remember? Just like back in school. The same goes in life, and in your role as a supporter to your loved one with bipolar disorder.

So… lower your expectations if they’re too high, or make them more realistic if they’re unrealistic now. Maybe all it takes is an adjustment in your thinking or the way you’re looking at things.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave