Hi,

Remember back in school, how there were all those different kids in class? There was the teacher’s pet, of course. Then there was the class trouble maker. Then there was the class “dunce.” Then there was the class clown. Then there was the popular kid. And the one who seemed as if everything came so easy to him (or her), even those A’s. You may have been one of those kids I just talked about. You may even have been the one who got those easy A’s. Or you may have been someone who had to study real hard for the grades you got.

If your parents were good parents, they probably told you that just trying your best was all they

asked for. Well, I think that should ring true in life as well. Especially if you’re supporting a loved one who has bipolar disorder. You have so many responsibilities when you’re a

bipolar supporter, and sometimes it can be really hard. So sometimes just doing your best is all we can ask of you.

But then you might say: “But what if my best isn’t good enough?” I’ve talked to many supporters who have felt that way. They feel like they’re doing their best to be the best supporter they can be to their loved one with bipolar disorder, but their loved one doesn’t respond in the way they think they should. Well, I’ve got a few things to say to that.

For one thing, there are some things over which you have control, and other things over which

you have no control. And one of the things you DON’T have control over is your loved one. So you could be trying your best, you could even BE the best bipolar supporter in the whole world… but you still have no control over how your loved one is going to react to your efforts.

The bottom line is that they still suffer from bipolar disorder. And it’s going to make them do things that THEY don’t have control over. Like their bipolar episodes and the things they do during them, for example.

What I’m saying is that your loved one may do something during, say, a bipolar manic episode

that they definitely wouldn’t do if they weren’t in an episode. Then the next thing you know…

You’re reacting in anger over something they do in that episode, such as excessive spending.

And the problem is, usually they don’t even remember it after the episode is over! Well, you can’t take that personally, or think that it’s because of you or a reflection on your ability as a supporter, because it isn’t – it’s just part of their bipolar disorder.

Another thing is…You need to be realistic about your expectations of both your loved one and yourself. You may think you’re doing an excellent job as a supporter, but your loved one isn’t getting better as quick as you think they should, for example. Well, this could have nothing to do with your role as a supporter. It could just be that everyone is different, and everyone recovers at their own pace – your loved one may just be recovering slower than someone

else. The important thing is not to compare them to anyone else and to have realistic expectations of them. Also, be realistic of your expectations of yourself as well. Don’t look upon their slow recovery as a reflection of how poorly a job you’re doing as a bipolar supporter, as that is most likely not accurate. I’m sure you’re doing a great job! The important thing is that YOU realize that you’re doing a great job. You just can’t expect yourself to be perfect, or to

compare yourself to anyone else, either. And you certainly can’t measure your ability to be a good supporter by how quickly your loved one recovers. All you can do is to do your best, remember? Just like back in school. The same goes in life, and in your role as a supporter to your loved one with bipolar disorder.

So… lower your expectations if they’re too high, or make them more realistic if they’re unrealistic now. Maybe all it takes is an adjustment in your thinking or the way you’re looking at things.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave