Hi,

If a parent is a good parent, they will raise their children to believe that they can do anything that they set their minds to do…That if they want to be a doctor, they can do that…That if they want to be a lawyer, they can do that…That if they want to help people, they can do that…And that if they want to work with their hands, they can pick a profession (like auto mechanic) where they can do that. In other words, they see their child and that child’s particular gifts and talents, and they try to steer them in a direction that will use those gifts and talents, while all the time telling them that they can be anything and do anything that they want to. In psychology, that’s called positive reinforcement. Which is a good thing for a parent to do.

That’s a good thing for a bipolar supporter to do as well. You should be supportive to your

loved one and not let their bipolar disorder hold them back. But it shouldn’t hold you back, either. You should still be able to do anything you want to do, too. For example, if you still want to work a full-time job, you should be able to do that without worrying about what your loved one will do without having you around. If you do, that’s called codependency. If they get in trouble without you around, maybe they’re too dependent on you to keep them out of trouble, and that isn’t a healthy thing. You should be able to trust them to be ok when you’re not around, at least as much as to be able to work. However, I know one woman who tried to work, but her husband would call her 10 and 12 times a day at work, until she was let go from that job because they said they couldn’t tolerate it.

Your loved one needs to have something to do while you work so that they don’t do things like

that. They need to be productive in their own right so that they aren’t so dependent on you. They need to have their own strong support network, and their own social network as well,

some friends who they can hang out with and do things with, or like at a day center. They could even have their own job – either part-time, or even a volunteer position, just something that gets them out of the house – or even a home business might work for them.

You should also be able to have your own friends and family that you can see when you want.

It is healthy for you to have a social life outside of your loved one so that their bipolar disorder

doesn’t overwhelm you. Go to lunch with a friend every once in a while – it will do you good.

For your own mental and emotional well-being, you should be able to go out and do things on

your own. You shouldn’t feel trapped by your loved one. And you shouldn’t feel guilty at leaving them alone at home, or fear for what might happen.

They should be learning how to manage their own disorder, and to be independent to some degree. They shouldn’t need you to such a degree that you can’t do what you want to do, or it isn’t healthy. If you feel as if your loved one and/or their bipolar disorder is holding you back, then you need to talk to them about it. Or maybe even talk to their therapist about it, if you

feel that you need to. You need to be able to do the things you need and want to do. You need to have some freedom from both your loved one and their bipolar disorder. Otherwise, if you’re not careful, you may suffer from supporter burnout.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews576/

Here are the news headlines:

Iowa Senator’s Letter to Oregon Hits Hot-Button Issue: Child Psychiatrists
DO> VERY interesting, take a look.

Book Review: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I’ve Lost My…Mind:A Manic’s Mood Chart
DO> Looks good, don’t you think?

Experts: State of Psyche Affects Physical Ailments
DO> Do you agree or disagree?

[Woman with Bipolar Disorder] Hoping to be next Mrs. Illinois America
DO> Wow, what do you think of this story?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews576/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Ya know, there was this girl who used to work out where I do…Who, I swear, had more problems than any one person could have in a lifetime, to hear her tell it! She was always having problems with her boyfriend, for one thing. I mean, he wasn’t abusing her or anything…But he certainly couldn’t do anything else right, according to this girl. And it was all so dramatic! It made me wonder why she even stayed with the guy in the first place. And if she wasn’t complaining about her boyfriend, she was complaining about her job. To hear her tell it…It was like there was this huge conspiracy going on at work or something. And, of course, it all centered around her. Yeah, right! Again, all the drama. It would make me tired just to listen to her! Then there were her family problems…Her car…Her apartment…Money problems…And anything else you could think of that could cause problems in a person’s life. But I mean, I had problems, too, but nothing that was on the catastrophic scale that apparently her problems were to her! This girl was what I would call a Drama Queen.

And the thing about Drama Queens is that nobody wants to be around them. They just drain you, ya know? They’re always complaining about something. According to them, nothing goes right in their life…They’ve always got problems…And it’s always a crisis! The thing is, when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, you can’t afford to be a Drama Queen (or King). You can’t afford to have crises. A bipolar episode is crisis enough. But everyday problems have to be solvable.

You have to approach your problems in a calm manner. First of all, you have to realize that, when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder, there are going to be problems.

But your best chance to solve them is if you approach it as a team and try to solve them together.

So, you stay calm, realize there are going to be problems, work as a team, and develop a good

problem solving approach.

For example: You might write down the problem. Then write down your options to solving the

problem. Then eliminate those options that are not viable options. Then choose the best option for solving the problem. Many people find that just by writing things down, it helps with the problem solving approach. Sometimes you might have to talk to someone else to help you solve your problem. It’s ok if you need to ask for help. This doesn’t mean that you’re weak. Everyone needs help sometime. It just may be what you need to help you solve your problem.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I got the following email from someone the other day, and I wanted to share it with you, because

you might have even wanted to ask the same question or wondered the same thing:

“Dave, My wife has had bipolar disorder for a long time, and I’ve been taking care of her for all that time. I’m ok though. I don’t have it, at least I don’t think I do, but that’s what I’m wondering about now. I don’t know if she’s just driving me crazy with her bipolar behaviors or if I might be catching her bipolar disorder. But lately I’ve been having mood swings myself. Well I’m not going into mania like she does but I really have been depressed wondering if I’m always going to have to go through this. Is it true, could I really catch her bipolar?”

———————————————————————————————————————

At first, it may seem like a silly question to ask whether you can catch bipolar disorder, but believe me, many supporters have asked me that very same question. And, very simply, the answer is: NO. You can’t catch bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu. But you CAN pick up your loved one’s bipolar behaviors if you’re not careful! And that can happen if you let their bipolar disorder overwhelm you to the exclusion of everything else. Which can happen easier than you might think, believe it or not. It has happened to so many supporters that they do

end up asking me if you can actually catch bipolar disorder from your loved one.

But here’s what I’m talking about: If you’re living in the “bipolar world” so much that you don’t have any escape from it…Then bipolar disorder becomes the “norm” and normal life becomes the exception. Then things are topsy-turvy for you…And you can become as emotionally sick as your loved one. That’s why I always stress to supporters that, for one thing, you shouldn’t be the only supporter that your loved one has. They should have other people in their support system

who can give you a break once in a while. That’s so that you can get a break from them and their bipolar disorder. And so that you can stay emotionally healthy.

For another thing…You need to have other activities outside of your loved one, things that you do with other people. For example: Meeting friends for lunch or dinner every so often would be a good idea for you, and definitely keeping up these relationships, too. You need to have friends who don’t have a mental illness to surround yourself with, as this will also help keep you emotionally healthy. You also need to keep your family relationships close to you as well.

Family bonds are important, especially when you’re a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder. They will give you a good sense of normalcy, and also a good sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Another good source of self-esteem for you (and another thing that will get you away from your loved one and their bipolar disorder) would be an outside job. If you don’t already have one, I strongly urge you to get a job outside the home. This will not only help your loved one to become more independent, but will help you to get out of the bipolar world on an ongoing basis as well.

You also need to do things that make you feel good, that bring you enjoyment. You could even do these things with your loved one, so that both of you can escape the bipolar world so that it doesn’t consume you! But you at least definitely need to do these things so that you can stay emotionally healthy.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

There’s a well-known expression that goes: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.” And that’s true, and I respect that, as I’m sure you do as well. The problem comes when someone “offers” you their opinion. Strongly. Well, not just “offers” it, but expects you to take it. That’s when you can feel sort of strong-armed, and you really don’t like it. I mean, everyone is entitled to their OWN opinion, sure, but it goes without saying that at the same time they should respect that you have YOUR opinion as well. And that you are entitled to your own opinion. Some people are so opinionated that they expect you to take their advice all the time. They think that their way is the only way. I have run across this type of attitude in some of the bipolar support groups that I volunteer at. And, in my opinion, this type of attitude can be very dangerous.

Especially when you’re dealing with people who have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and aren’t that familiar with the disorder yet. These people are looking for any help, and bad advice can come off as good advice to them, when it comes from someone in a bipolar support group. And I’m not saying that the person means to hurt you or anything…Not on purpose.

Just that they think that their way is right, and maybe it is for their loved one, but that doesn’t mean that it is for your loved one, so that doesn’t mean that you should necessarily listen to them.

For example: One time I heard a woman actually telling a man that he should take his wife off all her bipolar medications and put her on this supplement instead, because this woman had put her husband on it and he had gotten better. Well, whether this woman’s husband got better without

medication or not isn’t even the issue here. The issue is that she is giving out bad advice!

Dangerous advice! I mean, first of all, she is NOT a doctor or anything, so who is she to tell someone else to take their loved one off their bipolar medication in the first place? I’m sorry if I’m getting all up in arms about this, but it is really a sore subject for me, because too many people do this, and I’ve seen too many people go off their medication because they listened to bad advice and went straight into a bipolar episode because of it.

So here’s this woman telling someone else that they should take their loved one off their bipolar meds just because she took her husband off his and he got better. And I’m saying that’s bad advice. Because who knows, it may not even be why he got better. And the thing is, for how long will he stay better? Because when they first go off their medication, some people with bipolar disorder may stay ok for a short period of time, but then go into a bipolar episode. So we don’t know “the rest of the story” yet. We don’t know if he really is “better” on this supplement

instead of his bipolar medication. And the thing is…Even if he was…It wouldn’t mean that it would work for your loved one, just because it worked for this woman’s husband. So she really shouldn’t be passing along bad advice like this.

But it’s like what I was saying about opinions…Everyone is entitled to have one. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they should share it with everyone. Sometimes you need to be careful what you share, how you share it, and who you share it with. The only opinion that should matter to you is the opinion of your loved one’s treatment team. They are the ones who know what’s best for your loved one.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was watching an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos the other night, and they showed this one video about a kid who got angry. He had built this big building with colored blocks, and it was really high…But then he got mad…And kicked it! Then the whole thing toppled…And it was like in slow motion…And the whole thing came crashing down on top of him…And he ran crying to his mother…Like it was the building’s fault! Like he just couldn’t figure out what had

happened! Well…You’re not a toddler any more. But you know…There are situations where you still might find yourself wondering why you’re sitting in the middle of a bunch of “colored building blocks” because of your anger. Anger can cause us to do things that we later regret.

I’m sure that’s happened in your loved one’s case with their bipolar disorder.

Anger and rage are symptoms of a bipolar manic episode, and something that you should look out for. Especially if it becomes a pattern in your loved one. Anger is an emotion. A reaction to something. Something you don’t like. Something that, say, rubs you the wrong way. Something that hurts you. Especially if it’s been going on for awhile. And especially if you have no control over it. That’s when we usually react the hardest. Like you may get angry over your loved one’s bipolar behavior. You may not like what they do. So it makes you feel helpless. And this might make you angry. It might even make you angry at them. So what do you do with this anger? Do you fight with them? That’s what usually happens when the supporter gets angry at their loved one with bipolar disorder. The problem is that it’s easy for that to happen in too many cases.

Worse yet is when you stuff that anger and it turns into resentment. Because that can actually make you physically sick. It can cause you to have stomach problems like even have ulcers.

It can cause you to have an increase of headaches, or even have migraines. It can cause you to have body aches. It can cause a whole host of problems. And if you’re not careful…The stress can build up to such a degree that you are even in danger of having a heart attack or even a stroke.

So what’s the answer? It’s simple: Stop being angry. Now, I didn’t say it would be easy. I just said it was simple. Just ask yourself if it’s worth getting sick over just to hold onto all that anger, and you’ll see that the answer is definitely NO! Then choose to put your anger (and stress) away and to talk to your loved one instead. Tell them about the behavior that makes you so angry, and ask them to work on changing it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews575/

Here are the news headlines:

Help At Hand For Teens With Mental Health Problems
DO> This sounds great, don’t you think.

Premature Death Rates Rising in Schizophrenia, Bipolar Patients
DO> Wow, this is sad.

Edinburgh Scientists Grow Human Brain Cells To Study Mental Illness
DO> Do you think this is right or wrong?

‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Evans Fears Limitations of Mental Illness
DO> What do you think of this?

The Scientific Curmudgeon – Are Psychiatric Drugs Making Us Sicker?
DO> Do you think they are?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews575/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Do you remember back in school? Who was your most favorite teacher? Why? Who was your least favorite teacher? Why? I bet I know the answers! I bet they’re the same as mine: I bet your most favorite teacher was the one who made the material the most interesting…And your least favorite teacher was the one who just lectured the material and made the class so boring you just wanted to scream and run out of the classroom!

I’ll even go you a step further…I bet the times that your parents were the most understanding to you were the times you felt they listened to you the best…Instead of just lecturing you. Am I right? The point is that lecturing doesn’t work. If you think of your own experiences, you can back me up on that.

Many times I have talked about the different methods that work and that DON’T work when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder, and just lecturing your loved one is one of the methods that definitely does NOT work. I mean, put yourself in your loved one’s shoes.

You wouldn’t want to be just lectured all the time, would you? You would start to resent the other person, the one who was lecturing you. Just like you resented that boring teacher back in

school who just lectured all the time and didn’t make the class interesting.

You see…There’s an old saying that: “You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make him drink.” But someone added an adage to that saying: “But you can add salt to his diet so that he gets thirsty and wants to drink that water.” Interesting, huh? In other words, when applied to bipolar disorder, you can look at it this way: You can’t MAKE your loved one do anything. And certainly lecturing them won’t help anything. But you can make them WANT to do things for

themselves. You can provide incentives, for example.

Like, say they’ve been depressed. And they’ve been laying around in bed or on the couch for awhile. And you haven’t been able to get them to do anything productive (which is at least part of the reason why they’re depressed to begin with). You can give them a To-Do List, and tell them that after they’re finished doing what’s on the list, the two of you can go out to eat at a restaurant of their choice. Or, if that doesn’t fit into your budget…You can offer to cook them their favorite meal. But you understand that if you just gave them the list and told them to do the things on it…They would probably be resentful of it and not do it (perhaps even out of rebellion)…Because nobody likes being told what to do. Just like nobody likes being lectured.

But everybody likes doing things for incentives, or rewards.

Here’s another example: There was a couple where the husband had bipolar disorder. And he had had a problem with excessive spending before because of it, and a general problem with managing money. So his wife was basically managing the money. So she started off with giving him an “allowance” of only $10 per week…But as he got better with his money management…

She started giving him $20 per week. Do you see how incentives and rewards are better than

just lecturing?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave