Hi,

Remember when you were little…And you would get hurt…Like falling down and getting a scrape on your knee? And your mom would kiss it and put a bandaid on it…It would be like getting an immediate fix to your hurt, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately, when you grow up, there are

very few (if any) immediate fixes to your problems any more. Your problems are much bigger and more complicated than just scrapes on a knee. And the answers are much bigger and more

complicated than just kisses and bandaids, too. And, for many of us, Mom isn’t around to fix

our problems for us, either. Or, if she is, she isn’t able to.

For some things there just isn’t an immediate fix, like when it comes to bipolar disorder. If there were, the psychiatrists and therapists would all be out of business, wouldn’t they? And there would be no need for your loved one to do any changing, because they’d be perfect. Unfortunately, nobody is perfect. Especially someone who has bipolar disorder. Not even a supporter who is dealing with someone with the disorder. There are no easy answers to the problems you face. This is not an illness that has an immediate fix to it, and the decisions you make have to reflect that. The choices you make today will be reflected in consequences down the line tomorrow, and the next day, and the days and weeks and months after that. We’re all responsible for the decisions and choices that we make. That’s one thing that your loved one needs to understand. When they hurt you, there are consequences to their actions. They can’t just get away with it. You have feelings that get hurt, and you have reactions to their actions. You have a right to your feelings, too. You shouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells, afraid to say or do the wrong thing. You shouldn’t be afraid all the time of setting them off, of making them go into a rage. You shouldn’t have to change who you are just to please them. You shouldn’t have to be so concerned about how what you do affects them so that they might take it out on you. You shouldn’t have to worry that something you do would make them go into a bipolar episode.

And, like I was saying earlier, there is no immediate fix to the problem of bipolar disorder. And many times, that bipolar disorder can cause problems in the relationship…For which there are no quick fixes either. Those things need time and effort to work out. Just like your loved one is working on managing their bipolar disorder, and you are working on being a good supporter, you both need to work on making the relationship a good, strong one, in spite of your loved one’s bipolar disorder. So there are some things that will pop up that need to be worked on at the moment…Then there are things that need to be worked on constantly (like communication).

But either way, there are no quick fixes.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews568/

Here are the news headlines:

Weight-Gain Side Effect Of Medication Tackled By Aussie Scientists
DO> This is a huge problem, it’s great someone is working on it

Memoirs Of A Psychiatric Orderly: Behind Locked Doors
DO> Wow, this sounds like a good book

How Century-Old Brains In Jars Could Help Researchers Treat Mental Illness
DO> Wow, this is really interesting, take a look.

Some Mentally Disabled Lose Services
DO> This is terrible, don’t you think?

America’s Mental Health Industry Is a Threat to Our Sanity
DO> Do you agree with this?

Why “Manic Depression” Became “Bipolar Disorder”
DO> This is REALLY interesting, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews568/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Someone was sharing their feelings with me the other day, I guess because I’m a good listener, so feelings have been on my mind. Like, if you’re in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder, there are many feelings you can feel; and some of them could even be negative ones. For example: Bitterness, hostility, resentment, anger, and even revenge are some that you might feel. If you have these feelings, you may think that you’re making your loved one “pay” for what they’ve done to you that has caused you hurt. But if you’re holding onto these feelings for a long time, you can be doing more harm to yourself than to your loved one in the long run.

One of the things that can happen is that negative feelings, if “stuffed,” can turn into worse

negative feelings, like even hatred. If you stuff your feelings, and aren’t able to communicate them to your loved one (or anyone else), they can not only affect you emotionally and mentally, but they can affect you physically as well.

You need to get out your feelings and stop stuffing them, that’s an important (and even a

necessary) thing for you to do. If you cannot communicate these negative thoughts and feelings to your loved one, then maybe you can with someone else, such as a close friend or family member, or clergy person. If not, maybe just writing these thoughts and feelings in a journal would help you. Some supporters who are having problems communicating negative feelings with their loved one have sought out their own therapist and have found that has helped them.

Otherwise, if you keep stuffing your thoughts and feelings, and don’t take one of these

suggestions, you may feel the physical manifestations of stuffed feelings, such as: insomnia, migraines, ulcers, stomach problems, body aches and pains, etc.

One of the biggest things you need to take care of isn’t what you think it is at all, surprisingly.

It’s forgiveness. I bet you thought forgiveness is a feeling, but it’s not. Actually, forgiveness is a

decision. It is a decision to let your loved one free of the hurt they caused you. No, it isn’t like a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card where you relieve them of the responsibility of what they did that hurt you or that is justifying their actions. There’s a difference between forgiving them

and forgiving what they did. You can forgive the person without forgiving the act. Do you get that? You can forgive your loved one without forgiving what they did to hurt you. Forgiving is not necessarily forgetting. You may never forget what happened that hurt you. But that’s ok.

You can still forgive your loved one and not forgive the act. Forgiveness is a decision, remember. If you forgive them, it’s not a matter of relieving them of the responsibility for what they did, it’s a matter of making peace with it – of having a sense of peace within yourself that you desperately need in order to get past it. If you can get past it (even if you still remember it),

you can get on with your life. The way to do this is to forgive your loved one. Again, though you may not be able to forgive the act, you can choose to forgive the person (your loved one).

Make a decision to forgive your loved one. You may not feel the feeling right away, but at

least you can make the decision. And the peace will follow. Eventually the memory will fade. Or at least the sting of the memory will fade. This will come with time.

There is a saying that “Time heals all wounds.” It would be good to heed that saying. Or at least to hope that it comes true! It all starts with the decision to forgive.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

My friends just got a new dog. It’s a puppy, actually. They got it from the Animal Shelter. That’s the best place to get a dog, in my opinion, because it seems that all they ask for is just a whole lot of love. But it’s so easy to please a dog, when you think about it. Really, think about being a dog. You get up. You eat. You play. You go to the bathroom. You play some more. You nap. Repeat above. All day long. Do you worry? No. Do you stress? No. Do you fight? No. It’s a dog’s life, I’m telling you!

Wouldn’t it be great if we all lived life that way? I think we should all take a lesson from my

friend’s new dog. A dog exists to love and be loved. To get its basic needs met. To enjoy playing and relaxing. And that’s it! If your loved one did that, they wouldn’t go into bipolar episodes, would they? And if you did that, you wouldn’t be a stressed out bipolar supporter, would you? If we all did those three things, we’d all be a lot happier, I think. Actually, it could be a blueprint for happiness! Maybe that’s why there’s so many happy dogs in this world, you think? LOL

Here’s the thing…Your loved one needs to get back to the basics. Just like I was saying about the dog. (Not to compare your loved one to a dog) They do need to get their basic needs met.

They do need to love and be loved. And they need to “play” and relax. In other words, they do need to be productive, but they also need to have fun in their life, and they need to have a time for relaxation as well. They need to have a balanced life in order to get stabilized with their bipolar disorder.

But it’s about getting back to the simple things. Because a lot of people with bipolar disorder

end up going into bipolar episodes because they complicate things, they complicate their lives.

For example…I know a woman who enjoys cooking and baking. Which, in and of itself is NOT a bad thing, for sure. But it gets out of hand for her when she complicates it, when she does too much of it, because it leads to a manic episode for her. So she just needs to keep it simple and not do too much, and then she can avoid that manic episode. In other words…She needs to live a dog’s life!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Have you ever made a promise it turned out you couldn’t keep? Maybe you even had the best of intentions, or it wasn’t your fault, but you just weren’t able to keep that promise that you made.

Inevitably, someone ends up getting hurt. Whether you told your child that they could get that

toy they really wanted for Christmas but the store was sold out of it and you had to break your promise, disappointing them…Or you made a New Years resolution that you would lose 10 pounds over the next two months and were unable to do so, breaking that promise to yourself…

Or even like an addict promising never to do it again, but then unable to stop themselves because they’re in the throes of their addiction…Or a company that promises no lay-offs, but ends up downsizing and having to lay people off anyway, even though they promised not to…You know what breaking a promise can mean.

What does this have to do with bipolar disorder? Well, listen to this TRUE story:

Bill had promised his wife that he would never again put her in the hospital if she went into a bipolar episode. One day, he came home to find out that his wife had gone into a bad manic episode, scratching up her arms with her fingernails until they were bleeding badly, but she wasn’t even aware of it, that’s how bad the episode was. She was doing it subconsciously. She

was even in denial that she was in a bipolar episode at all, much less that she needed help.

Bill tried to stop his wife, but he couldn’t. He tried to get her to admit that she was in an episode, but she wouldn’t. He tried to get her to agree to get help, but she wouldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. He knew he had made that promise to his wife, but here he was looking at her doing this damage to herself and not even knowing it, and he felt so sorry for her, and he just felt so helpless.

Bill knew that, as hard as it might be to deal with, he would have to break his promise to his wife. After all, he reasoned, it was for her own good. He just couldn’t sit idly by and watch her hurt herself any more. He knew she needed to get some help, more help than he could give her. So he took her to the hospital, even though he had promised not to.

———————————————————————————————————————

There may be a time when you will need to hospitalize your loved one. Your loved one may get so out-of-control, just like Bill’s wife in the above story, that you may need to hospitalize them, even if you’ve promised not to. But it may be the best thing for them…Even though you may feel guilty for it at the time. Even though they may go kicking and screaming at the time. Even though they may scream and yell horrible things at you at the time. They may say things they wouldn’t normally say at the time, but you need to remember that they are doing it in the middle of a bipolar episode, and aren’t necessarily responsible for what they’re saying. They’re not saying it to hurt you. They probably won’t even remember it when the episode is over with.

Your main concern should be to get them someplace that will keep them safe. And where they can get the help that they need. Obviously, if they are doing harm to themselves, as in the example, or just having gone into an episode for whatever reason, their medication is failing. So the very least that needs to be done is a medication adjustment, and the hospital can help with that.

Even if it doesn’t come down to a case of hospitalization, there is another case where you may have to break a promise to your loved one. Say you have promised to help and support them in

ANY way you can. Of course, they take you literally. So, for example, you start out helping them financially. But then it gets to the point where you run out of money and can no longer help them out and you have to break your promise. Then they will just have to find another way to get the financial help that they need. If this happens, don’t feel guilty – it isn’t your fault. You have done the best that you can, and you gave them all the help that you could.

Sometimes we can’t always keep our promises.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews567/

Here are the news headlines:

In Bipolar Treatment, Doctors Ignore Health Factors
DO> Wow, what do you think of this?

Bipolar GI Liked Manic Feeling of His Disorder
DO> I am not surprised are you?

Teen’s Correct Diagnosis was Exception, not Rule
DO> What do you think you can learn from this?

Brain Pacemaker Could Finally Give Relief to Long-suffering Depressives
DO> Sounds promising doesn’t it.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews567/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

In fact, I hope you had really good holidays, as I did. I did work a lot (I always do), but still, I did enjoy the holidays. I have some great plans for the coming new year, as you will see over the next few months. Well… Did you make any New Year’s resolutions this year? I’ve given up making them, because I always seem to break them (unfortunately)! They were always the same anyway…To get better organized, etc. Just like most people.

The thing is, in order to stick to your New Year’s resolutions, you have to be realistic. Like, if you want to lose weight, you can’t just say, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds in a month,” because, well, that’s just not realistic, is it? It’s also not very healthy. It would be more realistic to have a goal to eat more healthy and to lose weight (inches) as you go. Doing it that way would also take less pressure off you.

It may be difficult for your loved one to set goals and be realistic about them as well. For one thing, they may be thinking about the past year (in relation to the new year coming up)… And dealing with some disappointment in relation to that. They may have had some resolutions that they made that they failed at, and be feeling bad about them. Especially if these resolutions had to do with their recovery from bipolar disorder.

What I mean by being realistic versus unrealistic is this: They may have expected more from themselves this past year than they were realistically able to perform (in light of having the disorder). So they had unrealistic expectations of themselves. They may have even unwittingly set themselves up to fail. So they may be disillusioned. Or even depressed.

They may have the same unrealistic expectations of you as well. They may have some set idea of what the perfect bipolar supporter is in their mind. But it may not be realistic. In fact, it may not even be right. For example: It may even lean toward enabling. And if you succumbed to their idealistic version of what you’re supposed to be as a bipolar supporter, you could very well

enable them, instead of being a good supporter in actuality. So instead of helping them, you would actually be hurting them in the long run. So maybe you have to be the one who stays

realistic when your loved one gets unrealistic. Then maybe you can sort of direct them toward

being more realistic, in a gentle way.

You can also help, as I was saying earlier, by having your own goals and expectations be realistic. For example: Although you should expect them to pay consequences for their actions from a bipolar episode, you can go a little easy on them as regards their recovery in general, and not expect them to recover maybe as quickly as you would like, but to understand that it will

take time for them to recover. Thinking realistically, you can resolve to be more understanding that they will recover in their own time and at their own rate in the new year.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, I remember how I used to tell my goddaughter the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I told her about the little girl and how she had found the three bowls of porridge (I told her porridge was like oatmeal)…And how one was too hot…And how one was too cold…And how one was just right! Then I told her about how the girl was tired, so she went to the beds.

And how one was too hard…And how one was too soft…And how one was just right!

Well, my goddaughter, who was really smart, said: “Why didn’t she just go to the ones that were

just right in the first place?” She cracked me up! But I thought she actually made a good point,

and it made me think of bipolar disorder (doesn’t everything? lol) Why do we complicate everything? Why not go to the “just right” in the first place, instead of going to the “too hard” or

“too soft” first?

Well, here’s how I related it to bipolar disorder: You can be too soft on your loved one. This is what I would call enabling, and what I warn supporters about. You can do too much for them in your role as a supporter. You can do things for them that they should be doing for themselves.

For example, as a supporter, you can oversee that they take their medications. You can just ask them, say, if they took their medications that day. But to stand over them every time they take their medications to make sure that they take them, or to give them their medications every time they’re supposed to take them, that would be crossing the line into enabling them. In other words, making things too “soft” for them. Doing something for them that they should be doing

for themselves. They should be becoming more independent, and not leaning on you for everything, while still appreciating you for the supporter that you are to them.

Then we’ve got the “too hard” type of supporter. The one who expects them to do everything by themselves with no help from them. That’s going to the other extreme. As a supporter, there are some ways that you can help. Perhaps your loved one isn’t up to driving themselves to their doctor’s appointments yet. By driving them to their appointments, you are not enabling them, because they are willing to go, but you are being a help to them, because they are unable to

drive themselves yet.

What if being around crowds is a trigger to their bipolar disorder? If you insist that they accompany you to a large gathering (family, office, friends, etc.), even though they are nervous

and don’t want to go because it may be a trigger for them, you are being too harsh on them.

You want to fall into the “just right” category as a supporter. Not to go to either extreme. Be loving, kind, supportive, and understanding without enabling or having unrealistic expectations of your loved one, either.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

This is going to be to both supporters and their loved ones with bipolar disorder, and it’s about a very important topic:

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

You know, one of the greatest dilemmas facing a person with a mental illness and their supporter

is whether to tell other people that they (or their loved one) have a mental illness at all, and if they decide to tell, who to tell and how. And that can only come after they have learned to accept their own diagnosis, of course…Which can sometimes take a long time in itself. It can take a lot of self-confidence to overcome the fear in telling other people that you have a mental

illness.

First of all, to the person who has bipolar disorder:

The first thing you need to do is to decide if you even want to tell other people or not. This can be a very difficult decision to make. You have to take many things into consideration. First of all, you have to examine your motives in wanting to tell others that you have bipolar disorder. In other words, you have to carefully think about WHY you want them to know, as this will help you determine WHO you want to know.

Is this is selfish motive? Will it give you some relief? Is it to answer questions on other people’s parts? Has the subject come up? Will it make a difference if you tell them? Do they need to know? What if you don’t tell them? These are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself in considering whether to tell others about your bipolar disorder.

You also need to consider how they will react. For example…Think about telling your friends that you have bipolar disorder. First, you need to remember that you have no control over other people. This means that you have no control over their reaction to things, either. So there is no way to predict how they will react to the news that you have bipolar disorder. They may embrace the news, or even be relieved, if they have suspected all along that something was wrong with you. They may react with understanding and even greater friendship towards you.

However, they may distance themselves from you and, if they do, you need to be prepared for this reaction as well. If they do react this way, think about this: If someone says they are your friend, and you share something this personal and important with them and they react by distancing themselves from you, you need to ask yourself if they really were your friend to begin

with, because a real friend would stick by you no matter what, and they wouldn’t judge you.

You also need to consider whether or not you’re going to tell anyone at work whether you have bipolar disorder. You may be in a position where you feel you have to, if it affects (or has affected) your job. In that case, you might only want to tell those who are directly affected, such as the person in Human Resources, or your direct supervisor or boss. There may be a co-worker or two with whom you are particularly close who you might consider telling, in which case the same advise as telling a friend would apply, with the extra caution to consider that it could affect your job (especially if they tell other co-workers).

The people you especially need to consider telling, however, are those closest to you – your family. They have probably suspected that something is wrong with you anyway, and it would be good for them to know what, and that you are getting help for it. Especially if you are in a relationship with someone…They, more than anyone else, deserve to know that you have bipolar disorder. So you should really tell them, and then discuss how best to deal with the diagnosis.

If you are a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder… Carefully consider everything you have just read, as it can be applied to you as well. But also consider your privacy. In your case, people may not need to know that your loved one has bipolar disorder, so you may not want

to tell them, or only tell those closest to you.

On the other hand, you may want to tell people, as it might explain the bizarre behavior of your loved one, and answer some questions that other people might have about them.

The choice of whether to tell or not to tell, of course, is entirely up to you.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave