Hi,

Have you ever made a promise it turned out you couldn’t keep? Maybe you even had the best of intentions, or it wasn’t your fault, but you just weren’t able to keep that promise that you made.

Inevitably, someone ends up getting hurt. Whether you told your child that they could get that

toy they really wanted for Christmas but the store was sold out of it and you had to break your promise, disappointing them…Or you made a New Years resolution that you would lose 10 pounds over the next two months and were unable to do so, breaking that promise to yourself…

Or even like an addict promising never to do it again, but then unable to stop themselves because they’re in the throes of their addiction…Or a company that promises no lay-offs, but ends up downsizing and having to lay people off anyway, even though they promised not to…You know what breaking a promise can mean.

What does this have to do with bipolar disorder? Well, listen to this TRUE story:

Bill had promised his wife that he would never again put her in the hospital if she went into a bipolar episode. One day, he came home to find out that his wife had gone into a bad manic episode, scratching up her arms with her fingernails until they were bleeding badly, but she wasn’t even aware of it, that’s how bad the episode was. She was doing it subconsciously. She

was even in denial that she was in a bipolar episode at all, much less that she needed help.

Bill tried to stop his wife, but he couldn’t. He tried to get her to admit that she was in an episode, but she wouldn’t. He tried to get her to agree to get help, but she wouldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. He knew he had made that promise to his wife, but here he was looking at her doing this damage to herself and not even knowing it, and he felt so sorry for her, and he just felt so helpless.

Bill knew that, as hard as it might be to deal with, he would have to break his promise to his wife. After all, he reasoned, it was for her own good. He just couldn’t sit idly by and watch her hurt herself any more. He knew she needed to get some help, more help than he could give her. So he took her to the hospital, even though he had promised not to.

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There may be a time when you will need to hospitalize your loved one. Your loved one may get so out-of-control, just like Bill’s wife in the above story, that you may need to hospitalize them, even if you’ve promised not to. But it may be the best thing for them…Even though you may feel guilty for it at the time. Even though they may go kicking and screaming at the time. Even though they may scream and yell horrible things at you at the time. They may say things they wouldn’t normally say at the time, but you need to remember that they are doing it in the middle of a bipolar episode, and aren’t necessarily responsible for what they’re saying. They’re not saying it to hurt you. They probably won’t even remember it when the episode is over with.

Your main concern should be to get them someplace that will keep them safe. And where they can get the help that they need. Obviously, if they are doing harm to themselves, as in the example, or just having gone into an episode for whatever reason, their medication is failing. So the very least that needs to be done is a medication adjustment, and the hospital can help with that.

Even if it doesn’t come down to a case of hospitalization, there is another case where you may have to break a promise to your loved one. Say you have promised to help and support them in

ANY way you can. Of course, they take you literally. So, for example, you start out helping them financially. But then it gets to the point where you run out of money and can no longer help them out and you have to break your promise. Then they will just have to find another way to get the financial help that they need. If this happens, don’t feel guilty – it isn’t your fault. You have done the best that you can, and you gave them all the help that you could.

Sometimes we can’t always keep our promises.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave