Hi,

Someone was sharing their feelings with me the other day, I guess because I’m a good listener, so feelings have been on my mind. Like, if you’re in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder, there are many feelings you can feel; and some of them could even be negative ones. For example: Bitterness, hostility, resentment, anger, and even revenge are some that you might feel. If you have these feelings, you may think that you’re making your loved one “pay” for what they’ve done to you that has caused you hurt. But if you’re holding onto these feelings for a long time, you can be doing more harm to yourself than to your loved one in the long run.

One of the things that can happen is that negative feelings, if “stuffed,” can turn into worse

negative feelings, like even hatred. If you stuff your feelings, and aren’t able to communicate them to your loved one (or anyone else), they can not only affect you emotionally and mentally, but they can affect you physically as well.

You need to get out your feelings and stop stuffing them, that’s an important (and even a

necessary) thing for you to do. If you cannot communicate these negative thoughts and feelings to your loved one, then maybe you can with someone else, such as a close friend or family member, or clergy person. If not, maybe just writing these thoughts and feelings in a journal would help you. Some supporters who are having problems communicating negative feelings with their loved one have sought out their own therapist and have found that has helped them.

Otherwise, if you keep stuffing your thoughts and feelings, and don’t take one of these

suggestions, you may feel the physical manifestations of stuffed feelings, such as: insomnia, migraines, ulcers, stomach problems, body aches and pains, etc.

One of the biggest things you need to take care of isn’t what you think it is at all, surprisingly.

It’s forgiveness. I bet you thought forgiveness is a feeling, but it’s not. Actually, forgiveness is a

decision. It is a decision to let your loved one free of the hurt they caused you. No, it isn’t like a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card where you relieve them of the responsibility of what they did that hurt you or that is justifying their actions. There’s a difference between forgiving them

and forgiving what they did. You can forgive the person without forgiving the act. Do you get that? You can forgive your loved one without forgiving what they did to hurt you. Forgiving is not necessarily forgetting. You may never forget what happened that hurt you. But that’s ok.

You can still forgive your loved one and not forgive the act. Forgiveness is a decision, remember. If you forgive them, it’s not a matter of relieving them of the responsibility for what they did, it’s a matter of making peace with it – of having a sense of peace within yourself that you desperately need in order to get past it. If you can get past it (even if you still remember it),

you can get on with your life. The way to do this is to forgive your loved one. Again, though you may not be able to forgive the act, you can choose to forgive the person (your loved one).

Make a decision to forgive your loved one. You may not feel the feeling right away, but at

least you can make the decision. And the peace will follow. Eventually the memory will fade. Or at least the sting of the memory will fade. This will come with time.

There is a saying that “Time heals all wounds.” It would be good to heed that saying. Or at least to hope that it comes true! It all starts with the decision to forgive.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave