Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

You know the old saying about a “chip on your shoulder” and about someone having one?

Well, first let’s talk about what it means before we talk about someone having one or not, ok?

So what do we mean when we say that someone has a chip on their shoulder?

We mean that they have something bothering them that never goes away.

This can even lead to a bad attitude that other people can see, if they’re not careful.

The point is that it’s something that they carry around with them.

Something that they still haven’t worked out. A burden, you could say.

Like a trigger to a bipolar episode, that lays beneath the surface until it’s aggravated, and then it goes off.

That’s the bipolar chip!

See, there are some people who have bipolar disorder that walk around with a bipolar chip on their shoulder.

Who have let the disorder become a burden to them.

Who may even walk around with a bad attitude, or a victim mentality because of the bipolar chip on their shoulder.

But you see, you don’t HAVE to walk around with a chip on your shoulder, especially a bipolar

chip!

If you have bipolar disorder, and you have read my courses, you know that you should have a support system, and a good support system is there to help you, to keep that bipolar chip OFF your shoulder!

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Having someone help you, like a good supporter, will help to make your burdens lighter, and will help keep you from having a bipolar chip on your shoulder.

Then your burden is lighter, and you can concentrate on the things you should be concerned about – like managing your disorder!

If someone with bipolar disorder carries this bipolar chip on their shoulder, it’s easier for other people to tell that they have the disorder.

Why?

Well, think about any person who carries a chip on their shoulder.

They might show physical signs of it.

They might hang their head.

They might be easily angered, or even fight a lot.

Or they might show signs in their face, or have a bad attitude.

They might even talk about it, or complain all the time.

Well, it would be the same thing if someone carried the bipolar chip on their shoulder, wouldn’t it?

Someone with bipolar disorder who does NOT have the bipolar chip on their shoulder is one of those who it’s harder to tell that they even have the disorder.

They would be spending more time managing their disorder than they would complaining about it.

They wouldn’t be hanging their head (in shame).

They wouldn’t have a bad attitude.

And instead of fighting others, they would be fighting the disorder.

Some people who have a chip on their shoulder put a lot of effort into getting that chip off their shoulder.

Some people who have a burden spend a lot of energy getting rid of that burden.

Like these days, many people have financial burdens, because we’re in a recession.

Even though so many people complain about it because they might have a financial chip on their shoulders, other people spend their time getting that chip OFF their shoulders!

They do things proactively to make things better for themselves.

Well, that’s what a proactive person with bipolar disorder would do!

They would spend their time making things better for themselves…

And getting that bipolar chip OFF their shoulders!

Do YOU have a bipolar chip on your shoulders?

What are you doing to get rid of it?

If you have gotten rid of it, how did you do it?

Hi,

How are you today?

I had something happen to me recently that was real bad.

I had someone steal my identity.

It was someone on the Internet, too, so they are “virtually” stealing my identity.

And then they are saying some things about me that are NOT true. But this really hurts me, because

what defense do I have?

If someone slanders you in real life, you can get a lawyer and sue them.

But if they do it on the Internet, you can’t do that.

This makes me so mad!

I don’t know why this guy is doing it, either.

And I want to ask, Why me?

But I’ve been thinking about what I really feel here.

I decided I feel angry, and I wish this person could be stopped and held accountable for their actions.

That’s the A-Word.

ACCOUNTABLE

When you care about someone with bipolar disorder and they go into an episode, you may feel the way I do.

Your loved one will do things in an episode that they normally wouldn’t do.

And you probably want them to be held accountable for their actions, behavior, and consequences.

It would be great if your loved one would just stop doing what they’re doing, and realize these things for themselves, wouldn’t it?

Just like I wish this guy would stop doing what he is doing to me.

But wishing isn’t going to change things.

Sometimes we just can’t do anything about the situation.

I know, that’s a real hard pill to swallow.

Your instincts may tell you to yell at your loved one for what they’re doing, but that won’t get you anywhere (except in a fight, which you can’t win when they’re in an episode).

You may want to reason with them…

But that can also be a dead end street.

As I talk about in my courses/systems, when someone with bipolar disorder goes into an episode, they are not rational. So reasoning with them can be a very difficult (sometimes impossible) thing to do.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

As a supporter, you may have been covering up for your loved one’s behavior (while secretly feeling resentful toward them).

But all that does is KEEP them from being held accountable.

You may make excuses for their actions and behavior to yourself, to justify what they’re doing.

But that also KEEPS them from being accountable.

In both those cases, you aren’t doing anything, really.

If you yell at them, you’re doing something, but it won’t make them accountable.

If you cover up for them or make excuses to yourself, that won’t make them accountable, either.

But every episode has its consequences.

And you can make your loved one be accountable for that.

For example, if they got caught shoplifting, they will have legal consequences that they will have to face, and you can’t do it for them.

If they began abusing alcohol and/or drugs in a manic episode, they will have consequences.

They may have legal consequences they will have to be held accountable for.

Or they may now be an alcoholic or addict even after the episode is over…

And they are accountable for that.

The main thing about holding your loved one accountable for their actions, behavior, and consequences, is that you do NOT make excuses for them, and you don’t cover for them.

Some supporters, however, believe that they should help their loved one in these cases, and they do cover up and make excuses for them.

Do you agree with me, or these other supporters?

Or do you think my way is too harsh?

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

I had many people over years ask me the following questions.

With your material on ways to make money from home, is an investment required with each business?

Why can’t I find a job at home no matter where I look?

When you look at both situations it centers around an investment in time AND money.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how you can start a home business:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Now with home businesses, ALL of them can require some “investment.”

Think about it, you have to put something into a business, even if it’s a few pennies.

With ANY job, you have to put an investment of TIME into finding it.

With businesses, it’s an investment of time and money over time.

If you have limited money, you would normally trade off with more manual labor and time.

For example, let’s say you have a business that needs to mail things to people.

Instead of paying a company to stuff the envelopes, you do it yourself.

What’s this have to do with bipolar disorder?

Well, bipolar disorder is an investment, too, just like a business is.

People need to invest their money and their time with bipolar disorder, in order to be successful with their disorder.

Just like with a business, if there is no investment of time and money, that business is going to fail.

If there is no investment of time and money for you, your efforts for stability with your bipolar disorder are going to fail.

This is what I’m talking about:

Bipolar disorder is an investment of money.

You may not have insurance.

If you don’t, you have to invest your own money for treatment for your bipolar disorder.

Doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, and (if it comes down to it) hospitals all are an investment of your money.

Your medication is an investment of your money as well.

Even if you do have insurance, it will still take an investment of your money, because there will be co-pays for everything.

Now let’s talk about the investment of your time.

You have to invest your time to stay stable with your bipolar disorder.

Invest time in your treatment:

Medication and therapy.

Invest time in all your appointments:

Doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist.

Invest time in yourself:

Sleep, exercise and healthy diet.

Invest time in your support system:

Your family, friends, co-workers (if you’re still working), clergy person, and whoever else makes up your support system.

Invest time in your relationship and communication with your primary supporter.

(You may also need to invest more of yourself into that one, too.)

Invest time into things that make you happy.

Invest time into things that keep you busy and productive.

Invest time into a social life.

Invest time into a family life.

Invest time into leisure and relaxation.

Invest time into ways of relaxing and keeping your stress level down.

Invest time into learning more about bipolar disorder.

In other words, you must invest time into taking care of yourself and your bipolar disorder, or you won’t be able to stay stable.

Now do you see how bipolar disorder can be like a full-time job?

Having a business means investing both money and time, and so does bipolar disorder.

You CAN be successful with your bipolar disorder, if you just invest your money and time into it.

What do you think?

Do you think this is just another way of looking at this?

Or do you disagree with me?

Hi,

How’s it going?

I have the funniest story in the world.

Okay, there’s an older guy that I know that is finally getting into shape and is in a body building

contest.

He has been training for a while.

He has been training really hard.

This younger guy (I call him a kid) came up to him and said, “Dude, you look good.”

The guy was like, “I LOOK GREAT!!!!”

So then the kid says, “I think it’s nice that you’re entering this contest.”

But you could tell he was just trying to be nice. After all, this guy was like over 50, and he

was just now starting to body build.

But the older guy was starting to get mad, like thinking, Hey, why isn’t this little guy thinking

I’m as great as I think I am? or something.

And eventually the kid said, “Your arms look smaller than they’ve been.”

Well, this guy totally flipped out, actually ripped his shirt off, and went outside and wanted

to fight the kid. LOL

There was no fight, obviously.

The kid wasn’t going to hurt this older guy.

Here’s the thing.

Anyone who trains for body building or even just loses weight (fat) knows that when you “cut

up” or drop your body fat from like 20% to 7% you are going to get smaller. Duh!

Think about it. It’s common sense.

So anyway, this kid got into trouble for being the bearer of bad news.

He didn’t do anything wrong, but this older guy just didn’t want to hear what the kid had to say.

He probably knew it was the truth, but he was just in DENIAL.

He wanted to believe what he wanted to believe, even if it maybe wasn’t true.

In his case, he wanted to believe that he really did look “GREAT!!!” and that he would win the body building contest, even though that was unrealistic.

If you are a bipolar supporter, you may get yourself into trouble for bringing your loved one bad news.

They may be in denial as well, wanting to believe things that aren’t true.

I talk about denial when it comes to accepting the diagnosis of bipolar disorder in my courses/systems, because it is so hard for some people to accept.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

But it’s also hard to accept other things about the disorder and about having it.

And because you are so close to your loved one, you may catch the brunt of it.

For example, if your loved one is in a bipolar manic episode, they might have grandiose ideas.

They may think, like the older man in my story, that their ideas are GREAT!!!

So that when you are realistic, and you tell them that their ideas aren’t great, you’re being the bearer of bad news to them, and they might turn on you and get mad at you, when all you’re really doing is telling them the truth.

Of if you sit down with them and tell them what they’ve done during an episode and they don’t remember it (which is very common), your loved one may get mad at you, and you’re the bearer of bad news again!

Just understand that this phenomenon (of being the bearer of bad news) is a common one for supporters of loved ones with bipolar disorder.

There will be times when you and your loved one will be on “opposite sides of the fence,” so to speak.

All you can do is to be the best supporter that you can be, and be understanding when you have to be the bringer of bad news, knowing that you can’t always protect your loved one, as much as you might like to.

Do you know what I mean by the phenomenon of “being the bearer of bad news” when it comes to bipolar disorder?

Has it happened to you?

How have you dealt with it?

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

There’s something I used to be for my mother, that you absolutely CANNOT be for your loved one.

I didn’t mean to do it.

I didn’t want to do it.

In fact, I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it.

My mom was taking advantage of me in this way, and even she didn’t know it.

I sure didn’t know that this was a way she was taking advantage of me, either.

I had the best of intentions, because I care about my mom.

I didn’t realize that what I was being to her could actually hurt her.

But do you know what she was doing?

She was, in truth, making me be her THERAPIST!

Yep, I was my mom’s therapist for awhile there.

Well, neither of us actually realized it was happening…

And you couldn’t really put your finger on it…

Or define it… or look at it… or analyze it…

But looking back on it, I could see that I really did act like my mom’s therapist.

Now, I’ve thought about this, because I absolutely do NOT want to see this happen to anyone

else.

In fact, I’ve written about it in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

In actuality, it’s really a type of enabling.

A real sneaky type of enabling, because you don’t see it happening.

It sort of just happens, and you don’t realize it’s even happening.

Here, I’ll give you an example.

You really care about your loved one, I know you do, or else you wouldn’t be their supporter, just like me and my mom.

So of course you’re concerned with how they feel.

So you ask them how they’re feeling…

And they tell you.

But where you had expected a “Fine,” or even maybe a, “A little tired,” or,”Kind of depressed…”

The next thing you know, your loved one is spending hours telling you exactly what their thoughts and feelings are…

And looking to you for answers (solutions) to their problems!

And you are actually becoming their THERAPIST!

An enabler is someone who does things for someone that they could (should) be doing for themselves.

Well, you wouldn’t tie your loved one’s shoes for them, would you?

Or take a shower for them?

I know these are silly examples, but you can start to see my point.

There are certain things that your loved one should be learning how to do for themselves.

Managing their own bipolar disorder should be one of them.

Yes, you are their supporter, and probably a very good one, but you should be a helper, not do everything for them.

The problem is, if you do enable them, they will never get better.

That’s why enabling is so harmful to your loved one.

They should have already set up their own support system, and you should be included in that, but they should not be depending on only you for their support.

In their support system should also be included a psychiatrist and a THERAPIST!

It is the therapist who they should be talking to about their problems, NOT you!

Even though it is great that they talk to you as well, you can listen, but you can’t really help them to change like a therapist can – that’s what they’re trained to do.

Remember, you can be a sympathetic ear to your loved one and be supportive to them…

But you CANNOT solve their problems for them…

And you CANNOT be their therapist!

Have you found yourself in this position with your loved one?

How did you handle it?