Hi,

I hope you have a great day today.

Hey, I was working a bunch of stuff yesterday and had to run out.

I was in a store and speaking to someone and I bought up how I run www.bipolarcentral.com

The person told me how she had a family member with bipolar disorder but she was totally out of control and there was no hope.

I spent some time educating her that there is hope and she can do well.

Eventually she said to me, I just don’t understand what bipolar is or why people have it. You can’t see it. What does it look like?

Today I want to talk about what bipolar disorder looks like. I know, a funny thing to talk about, right?

Well, what DOES it look like?

To a person who has bipolar disorder, it looks one way.

To a supporter of a loved one who has the disorder, it looks another way.

To a doctor diagnosing the disorder, it looks still another way.

Here’s a scenario to illustrate what I’m talking about:

One week Sally worked 50 hours, exercised every day, cleaned the house, and still had time to finish two novels. The following week, she could barely get out of bed.

Her mother said that Sally was a workaholic who only cared about herself, had no time for her family, and certainly didn’t care about her mother or anyone else (referring to the fact that Sally had no friends, nor any time for them).

Sally’s doctor diagnosed her with bipolar disorder.

—————————————————————

Same scenario, but three different views entirely.

A person with bipolar disorder looks at the disorder from the inside out. They look at how it FEELS to have the disorder.

Sometimes they feel as if they could tackle the world – that they have more energy than they know what to do with – that they are intelligent and creative – that they can produce more than the average person – that they have these really great ideas – that they hardly need any sleep at all, etc.

Then sometimes they feel as if they can’t even get out of bed, as if they could sleep forever – that they are worthless – they feel helpless and hopeless – they wonder where all their energy went – they don’t feel the least bit creative – they are totally depressed – sometimes to the point of suicidal thoughts or even suicide attempts.

This is really, really serious, and one of the topics I go over in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

The supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder looks at it totally different. They are looking from the outside in. They watch their loved one, and sometimes it is very confusing to them, the difference in this person they know, or think they know, or used to know.

Sometimes their loved one seems like two totally different people. Sometimes they feel sorry for them. Sometimes they feel sorry for themselves.

They experience feelings that trouble them. They want to be a good supporter. They want to show concern, love, and understanding toward their loved one.

However, sometimes their feelings are negative ones. Sometimes they feel insecure, angry, frustrated, resentful, unappreciated, lonely, and downright tired.

Sometimes they are nostalgic. They just want things to be the way they used to be, before their loved one had bipolar disorder.

The doctor looks only at his/her patient. They look at the signs/symptoms and make a diagnosis of bipolar disorder based on that.

They are not concerned with the patient’s personal life – they are much too busy to be concerned with how the supporter feels – they have other patients to see, and a busy practice to run.

Bipolar disorder is a complicated disorder.

So how does bipolar disorder look?

It depends on who you ask.

Hey, I have to head off to the gym. I have to actually do a TON of training this week. I have to work out twice a day 5 days a week. I am also walking about 40 miles a week as well.

But after the 17^th of October everything changes and I get a week off and then my training is much easier.

Okay, have to run.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

I have a ton of things to do today so I really have to get going.

I have some great news. There is actually a person that I found who is a super programmer and will be very instrumental in helping us reach more people who are dealing with mental illnesses in general.

Anyway, this is a great news!

Okay, let me ask you this question:

Are you a caregiver or supporter?

You might ask me right back,

“Well, Dave, what’s the difference?”

Because even in the many support groups that I volunteer at, I’ve heard both terms used inter- changeably. But I do believe there is a difference. When I think of a caregiver, I think of one of those people who help someone with a long-term illness, like cancer, who needs help with everyday things that they can’t do for themselves.

In the world of bipolar disorder, that’s called enabling, however. Your loved one is not that ill. There are many things they can do for themselves, and these are things that you should NOT be doing for them. For example, you can oversee to make sure your loved one takes their medication, but you don’t have to actually GIVE it to them (put it in their mouth), to make sure they take it.

Your loved one isn’t an invalid, and you are not their caretaker. You shouldn’t be their enabler, either. You are simply their supporter.

In fact, if you do things for your loved one that they can do perfectly well by themselves, you can be doing more harm than good.

Part of their treatment is to learn to be productive again, and that means learning how to do things for themselves. You shouldn’t interfere with this process.

Even if your loved one wants you to. This is called dependency. And they can become over-dependent on you, which is not good, either.

This is another thing they should be learning in treatment, but if it gets too difficult for them, theymay revert back to the easy way – depending on you to take care of them.

And there you are – right back in the circle of being a caretaker instead of being a supporter.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how you shouldn’t be an enabler and how not to be:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

I’m always talking about how knowledge is power. Well, if you have knowledge about what being an enabler is, you won’t be one!

Same as the difference between being a caretaker versus being a supporter.

You want to be a good supporter, right?

And you want your loved one to get better, right?

In fact, you want your loved one to become stable, right?

And I’ll even do you one better. I’ll bet you would love for your loved one to become high-functioning, wouldn’t you?

Well, the way to do that is for them to learn to become independent. And the only way to do that is if you become simply a support for them, and not a caretaker or enabler.

Now you know! And now that you know, hopefully you won’t make the mistake that a lot of other supporters make.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

What’s new?

Before I get started, I wanted to let you know that I will be looking for new writers for bipolar related topics soon.

We are actually having a super system to keep track of anyone interested and Megan is in charge of it’s development.

She is currently going through the system to make sure it’s all set for those that are interested.

Just keep reading these emails and you’ll see a notice.

I was talking to someone yesterday that’s actually a really tough guy and he is seeing a therapist.

He said that he has “a lot of issues from his childhood that were negatively affecting his wife.”

He said that he loved his wife and wanted to make sure she didn’t “split” (meaning leave) because of his “issues.”

I thought that was great on his part.

So it reminded me of the many bipolar supporters I know who see therapists.

Here’s a question for you:

As a bipolar supporter, should you see your own therapist?

Well, first of all, it’s a personal decision, and only you can answer that for yourself.

But I have personally talked to many therapists, their mental health professionals, and consultants, and the general consensus is that therapy is a must for your loved one, family (or marriage) therapy is an option, and therapy for the supporter can be a good idea.

Therapists are great for giving you feedback and helping you stay on track.

For many supporters, whose loved one has driven away family and friends, a therapist is the only person they can go to for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Another thing about seeing your own therapist is that everything is kept strictly confidential. So you have the freedom to say anything you want to say without fear of your loved one finding out.

On the other hand, I know a couple who both see the same therapist (the therapist had to agree to it – many won’t) – in separate sessions. But each has given the therapist permission that if there is an issue involved that they can’t talk to each other about, that she can function (tactfully) as sort of a “go-between.”

This has really helped their communication, and their relationship has improved as well.

But you also have to trust your therapist, and have a good relationship with him/her. Like this couple I was just telling you about. They have to trust their therapist not to just “blab” to the other person what each other says. And the therapist doesn’t do that, because she’s a good therapist.

My mom likes the therapist she’s going to now, but she’s had some bad therapists in the past.

Now, I’m not saying that all therapists are bad, obviously, because I just talked about some good ones. But there are good therapists and bad therapists, just like there are good doctors and bad doctors, and that’s one of the things I go over in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Sometimes, being a supporter, you have to deal with some pretty big issues, like when it comes to episodes.

Especially when it comes to the fall-out (consequences) of those episodes. That’s one of the times that having your own therapist would be a good idea.

But even on a daily basis, with all the responsibilities you have as a supporter, it would still be a good idea to have your own therapist.

Being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you have to deal with a lot of feelings (sometimes negative ones) and conflicting emotions.

Writing in a journal can help, but sometimes you just need someone to talk to, because you need that feedback. That’s where a therapist comes in.

Sometimes the “bipolar world” can get pretty crazy. Sometimes it can even feel as if bipolar disorder has taken over your whole life. Like I said before, a therapist is good at helping you keep your life on track.

Again, though, whether you see your own therapist or not is a personal decision.

It’s your choice.

One final thought. My dad use to be against therapy. You’re going to laugh but the said “only in America could you get paid to hear people talk to you.” Okay, first my dad is older and from the country (down south) where that wasn’t big in his time. Today of course people all over the world see therapists, people down south, north, in Canada, South America, Africa, Asia, etc.

But anyway, my dad use to just think it was like a waste of money. UNTIL he saw the results with my mom and other bipolar supporters he met once at a support group.

Some people think like my dad on my list. I think that SOME therapists gave the good therapists a bad name so to speak by not really helping and just trying to get money out of people.

Therapy reminds me of chiropractors, there are good ones and bad ones but the bad ones made it hard for the good ones.

Anyway, one thing that I pointed out to my dad that made him look at it differently is that I said, “instead of thinking of a therapist as a person that just listens to someone talk think of a therapist as a consultant or coach. Any good coach has to ask questions to determine how to help the person.”

That made sense to my dad. Even I don’t think of a therapist as a therapist I think of a therapist as a consultant. I think if we could do it all over again I think therapists should be called consultants.

Okay, maybe I am out of my mind but you get the idea right?

My dad does not see a therapist but he believes in them because he has seen great results for my mom and other bipolar supporters.

Hey I have to run. Think I am crazy?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing well.

It’s really cold here today, I guess because it’s fall.

I have a lot of stuff to do today so I have to get going.

Okay, so I want to talk to you about a concept called:

THE MATURITY MYTH

The way this works is that you imagine something in the future and you think everything is going to be ok once you get there… but when you get there, everything isn’t ok.

So then you imagine something else in the future and that everything will be ok once you get there… but when you get THERE, everything isn’t ok either. And on and on and on.

There’s lots of people who do this.

And they never realize what they’re doing.

Kids do it all the time: “When I grow up…”

Teenagers do it: “When I’m on my own…”

Young people do it: “When I get married…”

Young men do it: “Once I buy a house…”

Young women do it: “Once I start having children…”

Then they say: “Once I get that perfect job…”

Then it’s: “Once I get that promotion…”

Or: “Once I open my own business…”

And everyone says, “My life will be so much better when…”

That’s the Maturity Myth: “My life will be so much better when…” such-and-such happens.

But even when you get whatever it is you think you want, your life may not be so much better. Or even so, then you’ll want something else.

“Now that I’ve got that family car, I can start saving for that sports car I want.”

“Now that we’ve got that starter house, we can start saving for that bigger house.”

“Now that I’ve got a job, I can start looking for a career.”

See what I mean?

THE MATURITY MYTH.

The problem is, nobody figured:

“Once I get bipolar disorder…”

But once you throw bipolar disorder into the mix, you’ve got a whole new set of problems.

If you still submit to the Maturity Myth, now you’ll sound like…

“My life will be so much better when they find a cure for bipolar disorder.”

“My life will be so much better when my family and friends accept my bipolar disorder.”

“My life will be so much better when my loved one just understands me.”

“My life will be so much better when I can go off disability and go back to work.”

————————————————————————
Did you notice a common thread in those last few comments?

They weren’t realistic.

That’s why they’re a part of the Maturity Myth.

MYTH. It says it in its very name.

A myth is something that isn’t true.

In my courses/systems, I teach how to deal realistically with bipolar disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
There is no cure for bipolar disorder. So believing that there is will not keep you realistic when you’re trying to manage it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with making plans or setting goals. That’s a positive thing. In fact, when it comes to bipolar disorder, that’s one of the things I encourage. Setting goals is important for productivity, which is important for people with bipolar disorder.

But the kind of forward thinking that comes with the Maturity Myth is NOT positive. Although it “tricks” you into thinking so, it just keeps leading you on into an imagined future that will just keep letting you down.

Obviously, some planning, anticipating, and looking forward to future events and accomplishments is a necessary part of success. You need that to feel good about yourself. You need to know where you’d like to go in order to get there. That just makes sense. However, some people take this planning too seriously and get into the Maturity Myth, and it just ends up hurting them. They end up thinking about the future too often, and lose sight of the “now moment.”

Dealing with bipolar disorder means dealing with things that are happening today, on a daily basis. Worrying about tomorrow, or things to come, will only stress you out, and one of the things you need to learn to do in managing your disorder is stress management. It’s not a good trade to sacrifice the daily joys that could be yours to trade them for some imagined future happiness that may or may not come true.

Try to get the most out of today that you can, and don’t fall for the Maturity Myth!

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews398

U.S. Kids Take More Psychotropic Drugs Than Europeans
DO> What do you think of this?

Problem Gambling Likely in Bipolar I Disorder
DO> Is it really Bipolar I or just bipolar disorder?

Bipolar Watch Launched in Wake of Sarah Palin Bipolar Accusations
DO> Interesting, what do you think of this?

Business groups pleased with law broadening ADA
DO> Are you?

Mother of bipolar son helps other parents
DO> Great idea, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews398

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp

Your Friend,

Dave

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

What’s new?

Hey someone asked me,

A person with bipolar disorder was talking to me the other day and telling me about the last time she was in the hospital for a manic episode.

She said there was this man in there at the same time she was, who was always angry, and sometimes would go off into almost violent rages.  He would even get kicked out of group sessions because of these rages. And the reason was that he kept going on and on about this letter he had gotten from his wife.

Well, this woman who was talking to me told me that one day he left this letter behind when he was kicked out of group (he left it open), and she read it, and this was all it said:

“Honey, I love you, and I’ll be waiting for you when you get out of the hospital. Just get better, ok?

Love, Susan”

Now, why do you think this man went into a rage over such an obviously loving and understanding letter from his wife (his supporter)?

Because he was in the midst of a manic episode, and they were adjusting his meds!

But don’t you think his reaction to her letter was pretty confusing to his wife?

The woman who told me this story also told me that the man called his wife several times a day and did nothing but yell and yell and yell at her! I’d be confused too, wouldn’t you?

Sometimes our loved ones exhibit some very confusing behavior towards us.

A man who rarely shows anger can fly off into a rage. Another man who’s never been violent before can all of a sudden become violent.

A meek and mild PTA mom can get caught shoplifting.

Another woman married 10 years and never cheated on her husband can go into a manic episode and exhibit sexually promiscuous behavior.

Your loved one may have been a workaholic before but now you can’t even get them out of bed.

All these behaviors can seem very confusing if you’re not familiar with the signs/symptoms of bipolar disorder.

In my courses/symptoms, I talk about the extremes in mood (mood swings), as well as these confusing bipolar behaviors.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Each person with bipolar disorder is different.

In the examples I gave above, maybe your loved one didn’t fit any of them. But I’m sure they’ve done other behaviors that have confused you, because every person with bipolar disorder does.

Some get such distorted thinking that they will even have delusions or hallucinations, and that can be very confusing for their supporters.

This can happen if they go into an episode, go off their medication, or if there is something wrong with their medication (maybe they just need a dosage adjustment, but at the time, their behavior is still confusing for you).

As long as your loved one’s bipolar behavior is not violent and/or they’re not raging at you, and as long as they are not having delusions or hallucinations, you should be able to sit down with them and talk to them about it.

If their behavior is too confusing, or you can’t sit down and talk to them, or especially if they are already too far into the episode and/or need a medication adjustment, either talk to their psychiatrist and/or therapist, or put them directly into the hospital as this man’s wife had to do.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

Well, I have to go! Catch you tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow is the bipolar news.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’re you doing today?

We are testing a new system for sending out the daily emails again. A way to make it more efficient. It takes up to 75 minutes to do it start to finish every day : ). I am trying to get this done quicker.

If something is a little off, sorry. Otherwise if it all looks fine and reads well and arrives at the normal time then all is well.

Okay, if you haven’t found out already, you will probably find out that if you’re a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, lots of people will say you’re crazy.

First of all they’ll say your loved one is crazy, because many people still don’t understand about bipolar disorder, or mental illness in general, so they still call people with a mental illness “crazy.”

Then they’ll say that you’re crazy, too, for “putting up” with them. Many would even probably think you should leave them (because that’s what they would do).

Even your friends and/or family might do this.

So don’t expect to get much reassurance or support from these people who say (or think) these things.

And many times you can expect to feel very alone when you’re dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder.

That’s why it’s important to have your own support system outside of your loved one’s.  The important thing is that YOU know you’re not crazy (although sometimes you might feel like you are J) But that leads me to my point.

I had someone ask me the other day if a supporter can “catch” bipolar disorder from their loved one. Really. She did ask me that!

I told her you can’t “catch” bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu from someone else, but yes, if you live with someone who has the disorder, you may find yourself picking up some of their behaviors.

Like you might find yourself more moody than you used to be.

Fro another example, you don’t have bipolar disorder or major depression, but you may find yourself depressed more often.

Or you may have been a relaxed, calm person before, able to handle a lot of things, but now find yourself stressed-out more often than you used to.

Maybe you never suffered from anxiety before, but now you do. You might even be on medication for it.

You might find yourself getting more headaches than you used to get (or even migraines) that you have to take medication for, which could be a sign of stress from bipolar disorder (your loved one’s).

In my courses/systems, I talk about the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder, and they are of people who have the disorder, but if you look at them, you’ll see that there are some that you can begin to “mimic” if you live with someone with the disorder as their supporter:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Again, it’s not that you’re catching bipolar disorder or anything, and I’m not suggesting that you’re developing bipolar disorder yourself. I’m just saying that, as a supporter, you can begin to have some of them without actually having the disorder(just from being a supporter).

Again, this also does NOT make you crazy, either!

There may be times that you seem to have more energy, and you may super-clean the entire house in a single day. But that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar manic episode.

You may have insomnia, but that doesn’t make you manic, either.

And just because you have a little bit of extra money and choose to spend it on yourself for some clothes, doesn’t mean you’re on a manic shopping spree. You have more control over the money than someone n a bipolar manic episode.

You might be super tired and spend an entire Sunday in bed (you might even feel lazy and do the same thing, because you feel you deserve it from working so hard Monday through Friday), but that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar depressive episode.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Other people may call you crazy, or they may even call you bipolar, but it’s only out of their own ignorance.

You know the truth.

Hey I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.