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Hey,
How’s it going? I have to make it quick because
my mom wants me to go to this thing that’s like
half the day long so I have to be out of here
really quick.
I urgently wanted to send you this email about
something someone emailed me about.
The email went:
“I met this person at a bipolar
support group and he says he never
ever went to therapy and almost
never has to go to the doctor and
he’s stable. Is this true?”
-Jen
When I get emails like this, I think
about all the people in the world of
bipolar disorder that fall for the
Bipolar Outlier.
What the heck is that you are thinking?
SIDE NOTE: Michele who works for me
says that I have an entire bipolar
vocabulary full of words that I have
made up and she says I need to make
a glossary of terms. I am actually working
on this and will post it soon.
Anyway, the Bipolar Outlier is a situation
when you find someone that achieves
success with bipolar disorder without
using normal, common, recommended or
best practices when it comes to treatment.
Wikipedia defines outlier as:
“In statistics, an outlier is an observation
that is numerically distant from the rest of the data.”
Think of the “rest of the data” as what most people
do to achieve success with bipolar disorder. The
outlier is someone who is way off from what everyone
else is doing to achieve success. Make sense?
Let me give some examples.
When ever you hear someone is successful
with bipolar disorder and it seems to not
make sense and run counter to what you
know, ask yourself.
#1. Is the person telling the truth?
Many times people lie in support groups.
It’s sad but true.
#2. Is the person really sick and doesn’t
even know it believes they are doing well.
Remember bipolar disorder is a mood disorder
and people can say and do things that don’t
make sense or are not true. So watch out
for the person that says “hey I do this,
that and the other thing and I know it
doesn’t make any sense but I am super successful…
trust me.” Many times this individual doesn’t
even realize he/she is sick or that his/her
life is a total disaster.
#3. How long has the person being doing
the thing and is it sustainable.
For example, let’s look at eating and
weight loss. If you ran into someone that
says hey I lost a ton of weight and last
night I had a gallon of ice cream.
You may think that eating a gallon of ice
cream could lead to weight loss or sustain
it. BUT, in this case, if the person continues
on this path, they will become overweight
again. So you wouldn’t follow this type
of advice.
#4. Is the person you are talking to the
true statistical bipolar outlier?
There is a small percentage of people
who can do everything wrong and things
that don’t make sense and achieve success
with bipolar disorder but it’s super small
and you would never want to model someone
like this.
We can go out and find people who are
super rich that dropped out of grammar
school, drank all the time, did all
kinds of drugs, went to jail and now
make lots of money but would you model
these people? Of course not. They are
the statistical outlier.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So bottom line is don’t get caught up
in modeling or listening to someone who
isn’t doing the right things.
It’s really easy to hear stories and
then think that you are off track when
you really are on track. Mastering
bipolar disorder is a skill and takes
time. But don’t fall for the people
that do “crazy” things and then say
that’s the way to go.
If you are new to dealing with bipolar
disorder, you might not know exactly
why I bring this up. But if you have
been around the block, you know exactly
what I am talking about.
I hope some people post some stories
to others can read and understand a little
better.
I have to run and I will catch you tomorrow
morning.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
In all my years in dealing with my mental health issues (20+), I have never met even one person, who had a valid mental health diagnosis of ANY sort who did not have to follow some sort of treatment plan to be or feel stable. I have met a few people who “claimed” to be sick (self-diagnosis) who boasted they were “just fine” w/out any help. Myself I can relate to being sick for so long, I thought my problems weren’t problems at all, I didn’t know the difference between being stable and being unstable. Years ago my episodes were pretty far apart so when they occurred I assumed I was just going through a “hard time” and everyone goes through hard times in life. My denial made it very hard to grasp the reality that I needed help, and in my mind I minimized the distruction going on in my life. The outlier confuses me. How does a person who suffers from having BPD and needs no help with stability ever get a BPD diagnosis in the first place? That just makes no sense to me at all. At one point, I was so sick, I would have given anything to have some relief or hope. Hearing false or uncommon stories, would have kept me in my denial far longer than I was. Even a person who is a true outlier should be educated enough to know not to down play the seriousness of the disorder. Lastly, lying is VERY MUCH A PROBLEM with this disorder. In fact, telling a story bigger than it really is (good or bad), is one of my biggest clues that my stability is sliding out of wack. Great email today.
I have dating someone who is Bi-polar off and on for 20 years. David is so right about Outlier and everything else he talks about.
This man that I’m with takes meds but not like he should. He doesn’t have the right kind of doctor either. He’s in deniel at times that he even has Bipolar. That’s when he is in an manic episode.
I have noticed that he is a pretty good Outlier. He has told me some of his stories many times and it seems to change ever time he tells it. Sometimes its comical to listen to them and it makes me laugh.
But I have also notice that he himself doesn’t have a clue that he has told me the same stories before. Sometimes to him it is the real story each time he tells it. So I can see why most bipolar’s think they don’t lie.
my friends sister says she has bipolar her boyfriend has left some of her medication off because he thinks that she doesnt need it all she seems to do is get tired is this right i dont think she has bipolar
my freinds sister says she has bipolar her boyfriend has left some of her medication off because he thinks she doesnt need it all she does is get tired is this right i dont think she has bipolar from anne
my freinds sister says she has bipolar her dad has left some of her medication off because he thinks she doesnt need it i asked wat happened i was told she didnt feel well when asked to exagerate my friend said she gets tired i said if she wanted to know what ill was she should look at me if i leave some of my medication off i do get ill maybe she doesnt get bipolar what do you think from anne
In nearly every case of unstable BiPD , meds are needed to get the person stable. Someone who doesn’t think they need meds very probably does. Supporters who don’t support using meds to get a biPD stable are not solving the problem but making it worse.
And, just because one method of treatment worked so well doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. It annoys me to no end when I hear someone claim that their ways of attaining stability worked for them so everyone else should try it too. I’ve met many ‘outliers’ in other ways throughout my life and they truly come across as preachy. They say things like, “Well, if you sell all your belongings and live in a tent, and treeplant during the day, you’ll be happy. Everyone should do this.”
Well, I don’t want to live in a tent and I don’t have the physical capacity to treeplant. If it works for you great, but it might not work for me, you know? I use other means to achieve happiness.
Treatment systems for BiPD are unique to the person. So is what makes each person happy. Maybe listen to what they have to say, and decide if it is interesting to you. But listen well and make sure it could actually be viable. I hope this makes sense.
I am bi-polar II and it took them a long time to come up with that diagnoses and to find the correct meds. I think they tried every type of antidepressant available. Finally a good psychatrist tried lithium and that worked for awhile but than tried Tegretol and that was the charm.
My comment is for people who go to support groups and put down psychiatrists and meds. They brag that they are not on them and almost put down people who are on them and discourage people from going to psychatrists. My question is If they are so great and stable why bother going to support groups. They shouldn’t discourage others.
Shirley
Ingrid said:
I had a bipolar partner for eighteen months. I loved him very much, I had great compassoin for his illness. When we met he did not tell me he was bipolar. He is a specialist doctor, (Sydney, Australia), he functions, not always well. He told me he suffered from depression, ‘highs’ but hoped not to have any more ‘occurrences’. I did not understand bipolar initially, so I hoped I would help keep him well and happy. This was not to be.
He took a smarties pack of pills morning and night. We attended a Medical Conference in NYC last year, which was the first time he really spun out. We got things back on the rails and proceeded to Italy to continue our holiday. One night, at midnight, down on the Amalfi Coast, he took the car and left me stranded – for no particular reason. The travelling was hard for him and the whole experience devastating for me.
We got back together last Christmas. One month later I received a black eye. This was caused by a wild mood swing. I forgave him.
Seven weeks ago my partner had gone into another manic faze. He rang me and abruptly told me the relationship was over. I was very sad, but for most of this year, I had been unsure as to whether I could handle the relationship – being with a man who was sick and often incapable of showing normal feelings towards me. I found out two days later that in this manic state, he had been seeing someone else behind my back. He simply swapped partners and cut me off.
The whole experience has been terrible. He turned me into a nervous wreck. I am proceeeding along the healing path now, but my message to anyone considering a relationship with someone bipolar is BE CAREFUL! Your own happiness is important and those who are bipolar are very difficult to live with.
Hi David,
i dont have words to thank you enough. i stay far away in a remote corner of India.i come from a broken family. my dad was an alcoholic who went to rehab and then after the rehab got hooked to anti depressants and god alone knows what other medicines.after the rehab someone told him he had IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and so he used to abuse drugs to suppress the pain and that was his excuse!! he blamed everything on IBS which incidentally half my family suffers from. 🙂 everyone around told us he had lost it completely. yet he was a noble, non violent, talented man who could play every instrument under the sun, repair any electric appliance he could get his hands on and also was a great singer and musician. but he chose to leave all his talents, leave his secure government job as a bank clerck and sleep the whole day at home, staring at the ceiling with chewing tobacco in his mouth and 20-30 tabs of Ativan(lorazepam) a day.. My mum tolerated him for 17 yrs before she left him. My sister and me (12yr & 17yrs old ) went with my mum.things were fine without hiom tho we heard he ahd remarried and had got kids etc… but we never went back adn he did not bother us. In college i tried grass and smack with friends and before i knew it i was hooked.then came bouts of impulsiveeness where i would go alone and get stoned adn drunk and inflict wounds on myself so i could win ppl’s sympathy and attention, stealing from home and friends so i could buy drugs, intense depression coz my girl friend dumped me coz i kept lying to her.The paranoia of repeating my dads mistakes almost made me take my life, till i landed up on a shrinks couch who told me i had severe case of Bi polar dysfuntion. Today i must confess i do not go to the psychiatrist coz she insists i take the medications(sodium valproate and something that looks and tastes like salt) but by just reading David’s e-mails now i have talked to my friends so i can go to anoter shrink , take a second opinion and if necessary now im willing to take medications even if they are for life… before internet came into our lives a lot of ppl i know must have died without even knowing they had a disease and everyone just called them lunatics and outcasts. atleast today i know im not alone and im convinced i can still perhaps be a useful if not normal memebver of my family and nopt be the burden that i always thought i was going to end up to be…And hey this Aug 19th i finish 8 months of sobriety… neo drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol… , the doubt still exists how long ill be abel to sustain this, but one day at a time is my only hope now…. thank you David, may god bless you. i hardly know you, never seen or met you but you are my man doug…. cheers…
I had been going to a psychia- trist for 15 years. He had told me that I had clinic depression.
Then I had to see a new doctor because the previous one had moved. He also told me that I had clinic depression. After he relocated his practice, of course I had to find yet another doctor.
Finally the doctor that I’ve been only seeing a few months, told me that I had bipolar disorder. I had an episode that I was depressed for about two months.
Then I was happy again. She increase one of my meds. I’m so glad that I feel better all of the time. I still react to every day situations, just like anyone else that doesn’t have the disorder.
Thank you Dave for all your emails. JoAnn
a work mate of mine has stopped taking her meds, and insterd is seeing a normal doctor. she is a good hard worker and very kind person, but we can see her bipolar signs.she talks all 8 hours work jumping from one story to another not finishing any at all. we do talk to her and she says sorry for talking none stop.but thats not the point we want her back on her meds and to see a psyciatrist. the problem is i dont know her for to long and she has not had many good expirience with her meds and dr. i have been trying to teach her to go on the net, so she can see your bipolar center