Undervaluing Yourself Because of Bipolar Disorder?

David Oliver | Daily Bipolar Disorder Message

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

I was talking to someone on the phone about bipolar disorder and was kind of amazed with what she was saying.

She described herself very negatively because she has bipolar disorder.

How would you describe yourself? What one word describes you best? If you can’t think of one, maybe you’re undervaluing yourself, which is easy to do if you or a loved one has bipolar disorder.

Look at the list below of some positive characteristics, and see if some of them describe you (or described you before bipolar disorder came into your life).

· Intelligent

· Creative

· Solution-Oriented

· Kind

· Good Listener

· Understanding

· Good Friend

· Loyal

· Compassionate

· Honest

· Courageous

· Stable

· Friendly

· Good-Hearted

· Gentle

· Good Leader

· Supportive

· Good Person

Everybody has some positive qualities, whether they realize it or not. If you’re not sure what yours are, ask a friend or loved one to describe you in one word. You might be surprised at their answer!

In my courses/systems, I talk about how bipolar disorder can cause a loss of self-esteem, and ways you can manage the disorder and work on getting your self-esteem back:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Some people tend to identify themselves with the disorder. But like I always say, you are NOT your disorder. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance that affects your moods, and maybe even your personality, but NOT who you are!

Who you are has nothing to do with bipolar disorder. You are a distinct, unique person. There is no one else like you. You have your very own qualities, and many of them are good ones, as you saw from the list at the beginning!  Bipolar disorder has a tendency to distort people’s images of themselves. Don’t let it fool you! You are NOT the person that your mood swings make you into. When you get frustrated or discouraged, remember who you are between episodes.

To a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder I say the same thing – remember who your loved one is between episodes – that’s who they really are, and that’s the person you love.

I have to run. I will catch you tomorrow.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

  2. I am usually comfortable in my own skin. They’re times when I become agitated and cannot be around people or sounds. No one seems to believe I have a disorder. They just think I’m eccentric and a drama queen. I do now understand it more because I’ve had these episodes for so long it seems to be the norm but I am familiar with the symptoms I know I am going to be talking faster and impatient and just leave me alone attitude. I am really sick and tired of people misjudging me but I realize that’s just my life. Usually happy but always sad.

    Coping,

    Niyah

  3. Feel free to visit my website. This is usually how I stay employed by not being around people that are trying to figure me out and want to label me as a hot head and very unpredictable when triggered. I have accepted that I have it but because I look the way I do professional I am usually rejected for my actions.

    Still coping,

    Niyah

  4. Then there are times when I just cannot stop myself. I just keep going and going and going like the pink rabbit it’s just so frustrating sometimes when no on believes me especially the clinic doctor’s. Then I have my days when I am saved from episodes and I feel just fine smiling and interacting and wonderful stuff like that.

    Coping with it

    Niyah

  5. I can identify with the list of attributes of high self-esteem on this email – I believe I am a child of God, embued with empathy, and am a good person.

    However, being bipolar, I find I am more gullible and vulnerable; I find that I have to “give” more to “make” people like me. This illness has made me more of a “door mat” than I was before the illness striked 40 years ago. I feel as if I’m less of a person because of the illness.

    The major change is in my self-confidence. I don’t feel as if there are too many things I can do for myself, and find that I have to ask others to help me; one example – a bulb burned out in my computer room, and I tried standing on a chair to replace it. My legs started shaking soooo much, I got down before I FELL down. I had to wait two days for a friend to put the new bulb in. There are times I HATE to be reliant on others to do things for me. I used to be so CAPABLE; now, I’m not.

    Now, how much of this is attributable to the bipolar, and how much to just “being me,” I don’t have a clue. But I’ve found that since my diagnosis, I feel less than “normal” in certain circumstances. There are times I don’t even remember what I was like BEFORE I was 20. The label of “mental illness” DOES cause one to feel somehow “different.” And that can cause a decrease in one’s confidence.

  6. i have been dealing with bipolar for several years now. I was so verbally abusive to my husband, whom i have recently lost. I have met a man who appeared to me to be the greatest guy. I recieved a text from him stating that he has been hospitalized for a manic episode and to just leave him alone for awhile. while i respect that, it hurts me so much to know what he is going thorugh and i just want to help so bad. It is a very confusing thing to deal with. I feel a bit of fear also because i really dont know him that well, and im not sure how bad he suffers or what it does to him. i dont know whether to walk away or wait to see if he will come around???

  7. I dont have Bipolar myself- But I am living with a man who is the father of my kids and has Bipolar 1. I feel he is headed to a bad place. Every 2 years he has episodes and I basicly lose him for 3 months. I love him so much and he has been a part of my life for over 13 years.. but at times I feel unheard and like all my efforts are for nothing.

    I have no support from friends or family. I find myself alone and trying to keep him on track. There are days I have the best time with him and then he can change and be someone so rude and he can do no wrong.

    What I am looking for is someone I can talk to that will just listen..

    Anyone ???

  8. ” remember who your loved one is between episodes – that’s who they really are, and that’s the person you love.”
    It is very hard to digest this statement when you “the healthy person” is being drained by the episodes. I need to learn how to respond to these times and also maybe need to detatch. Any advice??

  10. Lisa, I would say…..wait. Let him get better, and he will contact you. Im happy to hear that he is actually aware of an episode and is getting help. My dad does not get himself help when having an episode..

  12. This topic is very timely. I have sent a copy to my loved one & supporter. We recently had a blow-up over my (over)reaction to something he did. My reaction led to him blocking my email and phone numbers. When he did that I went into a really bad mixed episode and threw out a bunch of his stuff. For several days, I didn’t hardly eat, either slept all day and not at night, or ran around the house like a fiend trying to “clean up” (read: throw out) everything in my way.

    Today’s topic is a reminder to both me and him that I do have many good qualities: I am intelligent, quick-witted, funny, friendly, and usually fun to be with. I hope my loved one always remembers who he fell in love with.

  13. whats up i jus wanna say if it wasint for this site i would of never none how many people are like me.. they say s.m.i. im sever that kinda hurt my feelin for a minit im on depakote and then take a lil 420 time out it helps me it help me since i was 14 im like all of you in one im a part of lisa,suzanne,niyah,gina stay with him my problem is i can relate to suzanne were people think ya stupid right now im tryin tyo get a job but it hard when i was a stay home dad for the past 3 years now we broke up 7 months ago so i have no job reff and them lil @ss gov checks aint doin S%$T but any way i make hip hop , r&b rock music too not the keypad computer way with a keyboard i dont know notes,cords i play by ear from scrach alot of people hate out here i think there scared is there any one who loves music in here? i shure could use the fans if you would like to hear some instamental beats and free styls YOU TO DAVID becuse with out him we all would not have a place to meet!!!let me know what ya think?? luv y@ all trailz@21+beats myspace.com/trailzbeats

  15. you know what being mentaily ill is like being gay with aids ya friends leave and people look at ya diffeint “justa thout” trail

  16. Hello David:
    Being a supporter is a lonely way. specially when you support an adult. Sometimes I think we need to be supported too. After all, we need to be loved, and have to be very resilient to cope with all that. I find your advise very helpful. Today advise is really important, in my opinion. The opinion we have of ourselves,when is a good one, makes our way much easier, because the confidence we have radiates into the way other people see us. That is why we need to transmit that to the person we love and support. Thank you again for your messages. God bless you always. Have a great day. Isolina

  17. These very good positive words should be used to capture who we are and ingrained in our daily vocabulary as a reminder that we are worthy, respectable, intelligent human beings. Yes, being labeled with a mental illness dose reek havoc on the mind and leaves one to question their ability to assert themselves effectively. It’s like whatever mistakes you make, or sometimes even correcting someone about the mistakes they make is related to the fact that you are bipolar.
    Society is cruel to people with mental illness because most are totally oblivious to the conditions and challenges that are associated with the illness itself. I feel that since such a negative view of mental illness is betrayed in the media and society, people are trained or have a learned behavior on how to interact, respond or disassociate or disconnect with people that has this illness.
    We are no less deserving to be respected and treated in a dignified manner than any one else.
    so, ALL those positive words used to describe us are indeed who we are.
    and if we can’t at all times feel that way the it just proves that we are only human. Having human experiences.

    Much Love!

  18. To Niyah,
    I totally understand where you are coming from. The way you have described how your moods change…you could have been talking about me. It is very frustrating. I have also been labelled “defintely eccentric” and a “loose cannon”, “drama queen” etc. etc.
    I find even though I am properly medicated, I still get agitated and impatient, more than other people who do not have bp. When I am “on a roll” and have a point to make, I talk too fast and too loud, often with negative results. I still HATE waiting in lineups, and still make the odd rude or “off” comment to someone who annoys me in public.
    But as you say, the “good days”, I sail thru them, enjoying life and able to laugh and interact well with others.
    Here’s to more of those GOOD DAYS…..

  19. my loved one is miles away, he is a family, sometimes no one supports him or even beleave he has a disorder, sometimes I am tired trying to make them beleave or understand,and when I do,in no time he loses them again,though they love him, they know he is a good person, kindhearted,and you would not believe, he is supportive to others all the times, and more when he feels good,all I wish for him to have them around,in good and bad times,………by them I mean,the rest of our family,could ths ever happen? what do you think.

  20. You seem to send emails that are more uplifting and informative than not…But for some reason, this one really touched me. There’s so much more I can thank you for, but this is one I really needed to hear.. Even if my husband says the same things. Thank you again!
    Sarah

  21. Dave, I’m interested in the home business book and can send the money through Paypal. However, I can’t find the price of shipping to Ireland anywhere. Could anyone let me know please. nightlady3@gmail.com

  22. Wow Dave,

    I was just writing an article for someone that touched on this same aspect of dealing with our disorder, and for those supporting us… It is WHO we are BETWEEN episodes that we really are. That is the part of me that I love, and the part of me that everyone else loves. However, we don’t always have our between episodes to carry us through, or for the supporter, when we are full blown acting up, how do they keep the perspective that we are who we are underneath it all? Well the important thing is to maintain that perspective of who we (they) really are.

    I was with my friend who is an untreated bipolar, we were ordering at a fast food restaurant that had taken and easy 10 min or more to get our order out. He was complaining to me, and moaning and groaning, like we do. I just stood there waiting and feeding him calming words, waiting for him to realize he was just frustrated. It took until like 15 min after we had ordered and our food was ready, but he went to the cashier and said he wanted our money back. They calmly gave us our food and we walked away, after he said, okay. But then he was complaining in the car, as we drove off. I was still wondering when he would realize and come back to being himself. Well, after he got some of the food in his stomach, he apologized to me and wondered how he could be so impatient. That I was right when I was trying to calm him down, that he felt bad about making such a fuss. That is when I knew he was back to being himself.

    For all the supporters, I just suggest to try to remember that the person is INDEED who they are in-between episodes, without the intense emotions. Try to tell them things that will calm them down. And like I did, just wait it out. They always, always, come back down, either back up or back down, so to speak. We, myself included, have to learn not to act on every feeling, or speak every thought. This takes a lot of work on our part, and therapy. Before I got on proper medication for me, what works for me, and before I had tons of therapy under my belt, I would act on what I felt and speak what I thought. It takes practice but we can learn to stop doing this, provided our medication is adequate and we have a really good therapist.

    Thanks Dave, it is INDEED who I am in-between episodes that keeps me calm during them. I know myself and know that these feelings and thoughts will disappear, and it if I act on them I will only regret when they are gone! Hard lesson to learn, but I have had bipolar since childhood, so I learned. Godspeed to everyone learning how to do this…

    Sincerely,
    Bob

  23. If I could discribe myself in one work it would have to be solution=orientated, I’m highly intellegent, but often feel the the world would better off withoyt my disfuntion

  24. For the first time I took the time to read the words you have written and I have got some comfort from them so for that I thank yu. I am struggling with self esteem and confidence at the moment and am at an all time low. Feelings of inadecasies at work ans feeling soo isolated and alone. It’s empowering to read that this is all part of the illness and not ME and to just get through this takes strength and courage. It feels like a sentence in hell at times and god knows how I will climb out of this dark hole this time.

    I have 2 children who I look after alone and do feel for them in these ‘in between ‘ times cause they must suffer too.

  25. Dear David,
    Thank you for enlightening me. May God continue to bless you so can help more people.

  26. As a supporter, l have to be patient and be more positive especially dealing with every episode. Each episode, l learned new things and l have to handle it positively. lt sometimes suprised me of abrupt changes but l have to widen my mind and keep my heart strong to overcome each episode. lt is a hard thing but l will stay to support him as included in the package of loving him. l am hoping to learn more about BP to understand him more. Some people may wonder why l still stay to love him despite of his bipolar disorder. For me, there is no question on that when true love rules…do l make sense? l hope.

  27. These qualities are to be admirable in all people who are able to share them with others. The scriptures, in Gal. 5 gives us a contrast of characteristics that are also common among those who are walking in obedience to the LORD, and what they are when people aren’t in obedience to God. All of us have a tendency to do things that we are not happy with regarding our own behavior, as well as those things we all want to be seen as being able to have and to do. It is best to ask the LORD to live in one’s heart, and soul, to be able to have the qualities that we all do really admire . But when one is born, there is sin in one’s life, whether realized or not, and it shows itself in ways that we aren’t always aware of at first. That’s when the HOLY Spirit comes into the work of one’s soul to reveal what needs to be changed so one can be more willing to be like Christ Jesus in character. It is a slow process, not an immediate happening in one’s life. But it does take a life time for perfection to be complete, and the end is with the entrance into Heaven. As one grows in their faith, the characteristics that we all admire become more noticeable through the years. Just wanted to share that, so there is a healthy understanding of what is Reality and what one desires to see. Blessings, To all. T.C.

  29. Thanks Dave, I needed to reassure myself I am not my disease. It is part of who I am, but your list made me realize how much more I am. It reminded me why all my kids friends call me mom, and why I am the first person they come to when there is trouble. I don’t have a lot of adult friends, for a variety of reasons, but this doesn’t mean I value the kids any less. My family has stood by me in all of this, and this includes those afforementioned kids. Thanks for the reminder.

  31. You fell? You’d better be careful next time. =) My friend had an injured knee due to a fall while playing baseball. Now we lost a player 🙁

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