==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hey,
How’s it going? I am actually in upstate Connecticut
this weekend doing some research.
I am heading out but I wanted to write you really
quick.
You see, I get a lot of emails from people who just
complain a lot about being supporters of a loved one
with bipolar disorder, about how it keeps them
from doing the things they want to do, and
having the life they want to have, etc., etc.,
and that bothers me a real lot.
I’ll tell you why that bothers me so much. Because
I know someone else who is a supporter, who never
seems to complain about it at all! She just goes along
with her life as if she doesn’t even have a problem at
at all with being a supporter! And she just has the best
attitude of anyone I’ve ever seen. She’s has this
real positive attitude, not like the complainers I get
who have a real negative attitude about everything.
Which person do you think I would rather talk to?
You’re right! Because the second person lifts me
up when I talk to her, and makes me feel better.
So we have two different people, both supporters,
both with the same set of problems. So what’s the
difference between them? Their attitude!
In my courses and systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
In my courses, I go over this. I talk about how
you need to have a positive attitude, or it will just
bring you down, and then nobody will even want to
be around you, your own health and well-being will
suffer, and stuff like that. In other words, it just
isn’t healthy for you to have a bad attitude or to
complain about being a supporter of a loved one
with bipolar disorder.
So let’s look at the second supporter. If she has a
bad attitude at all, it’s against the disorder itself.
She says she’s not going to let the disorder rule
her life – that she is the one who is going to be in
control, not the disorder. She says that she has a
choice in how she feels, and she chooses to feel
positive.
I think we can all take a lesson in that.
Furthermore, I find that supporters with bad
attitudes wind up driving people away that
can help their loved ones.
Many people can forgive someone with bipolar
disorder saying and doing things that aren’t
right but when the supporter is saying and
doing things that aren’t right, people
wind up saying, “Hey I am staying away
from that person.”
I find the worst thing to do and say is
to have a poor attitude. Nobody really likes
a supporter with one. Even professionals who
are trained to cope and deal with such
suppporters secretly have told me how
they dred certain bipolar supporters they
have to deal with because they are
so darn negative.
Well, I’m off to another meeting. See
you tomorrow.
Your friend,
Dave
–
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Trying to get a insight to what they are going through. What might be trivl to one person can mushroom in unsurmountable problem that wasn’t there in the 1st place.
Ex= Supose the person is a always has a habit to be at a place on time.They are ready to go an wait for the other person to come. The one with bipolar is running thing trough his mine about being late, explaining a whole host of things to himself before he get there trying not to be frustrated. I hope the can help.
My boyfriend is bypolar and it is hard to know from day to day what his mood is going to be like. One day he is your best friend and then the next day turns into the boyfriend from hell. So i can see why people always find it really hard to deal with their loved ones diease. When you think of bypolar much like i did before i did any research, i thought it was just like depression. That all a person had to do was take some pills and they would be just fine. Well i’ve seen both the manic and depression side of this diease and it frankly scares me sometime. I have discovered this diease is much more serious then people actually think. And it is very hard for their love ones. My boyfriend embarris’s me, and his parents everywhere we go. He does stuff that really inapproiate. So how are we not suppose to react to this kind of behavior? I love my boyfriend with all my heart but as i said before it takes more then just a cheerleader to support someone with bypolar.
Positive attitude is Key to a healthy life ~ Sher
Finding the right balance of medication, working with your doctors an following through with medical help well help you manage your diease or it will manage you.
It takes time, an getting focus.
Yes I agree! We do need a positive attitude and we have to choose that daily. But lets not forget the relationship problems that arise with our loved one with bipolar disorder. The loss is very real and must be processed. It may take longer for some people. People need to vent and express their feelings as well in supporting their loved one, this may be the only forum to do that.
Lets no forget the frustrations of trying to help someone that will not accept that help.
I know for me each day is a challenge and I must choose to not let this situation control the rest of my life. Just because I am not successful in this situation eg.( my son not taking my advise to make himself well)does NOT mean I am a failure. My good attitude helps me focus on the good in my life and my right to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Pat
Yes I agree! We do need a positive attitude and we have to choose that daily. But lets not forget the relationship problems that arise with our loved one with bipolar disorder. The loss is very real and must be processed. It may take longer for some people. People need to vent and express their feelings as well in supporting their loved one, this may be the only forum to do that.
Lets no forget the frustrations of trying to help someone that will not accept that help.
I know for me each day is a challenge and I must choose to not let this situation control the rest of my life. Just because I am not successful in this situation eg.( my son not taking my advise to make himself well)does NOT mean I am a failure. My good attitude helps me focus on the good in my life and my right to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Pat
Yes I agree! We do need a positive attitude and we have to choose that daily. But lets not forget the relationship problems that arise with our loved one with bipolar disorder. The loss is very real and must be processed. It may take longer for some people. People need to vent and express their feelings as well in supporting their loved one, this may be the only forum to do that.
Lets no forget the frustrations of trying to help someone that will not accept that help.
I know for me each day is a challenge and I must choose to not let this situation control the rest of my life. Just because I am not successful in this situation eg.( my son not taking my advise to make himself well)does NOT mean I am a failure. My good attitude helps me focus on the good in my life and my right to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Pat
well i like what u have to say in this one but u need to tell my wife…. she left me becuz im bypoler and i put her thought some hell in the past 3 yrs (i did not know i was bypoler) she reads ur stuff and all she see is the bad side of this maybe if u talked to her…. she would know that there can be good stuff….. ths anthony
ps my wifes name is ingrid u have her on ur list………
I find it difficult to get out of the negative and into the positive when your right in the middle of it all. I am bipolar and my husband is very supportive. He just says thats ok you can be that way if you want to. Its a choice. I have highs and lows that scare me sometimes. I dont know yet how to control my behaviors and moods while on medication. I am not yet stable on my medication and it is really hard. I am readding your information and it really helps me alot.
hey dave ur right attitude is everything as i suffer thru this disorder, i most times dont want any part of anyones attitude…. good or bad then after a few weeks i cant wait for someone with anykind of attitude 2 come my way i also suffer from ptsd yes my world is crazy somedays im the queen of attitude
susann
A positive attitude is one of the best supporter resources there is. Everyone has their days where things are less than sunny of course, but overall if you don’t have a positive attitude you will be run over by the disease and what it makes those with it do.
I will say that I know a “crazy” little thing about having friends who are bipolar. I used the word “crazy” as a joke, hope no one is offended. I have been bipolar for 7 years, or let’s say, I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I am high manic, I am properly medicated, but – my mind races a lot when I am talking and my thought process goes faster than I can get my words out. What I am getting at, my ex-friend and I weren’t doing each other any good. We no longer speak to each other, I even had to call a state trooper where I live because she was calling me and harassing me so badly, and I wanted it stopped. It was either call the cops on her or the cops would have been called on me. We were no good for each other, 2 people diagnosed with high mania should not be around each other in our case. We were feeding off each other and that spells trouble!!! My son is bipolar and on no medicine whatsoever. He has one of the best pyschotherapists I have ever met in my years seeing counselors. Anyway, I wish the best to everyone who is suffering from bipolar and everyone who has to take care of someone who is bipolar. The caretaker can be brought down by the person who is bipolar. Thankfully, I haven’t gotten to the point where I needed to be hospitalized. Then again, maybe so, and I talked to myself and got myself out of my “own trouble” that was in my mind. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
It is interesting hearing other people talk about this illness and how they see it. I have to say being positive is not that EASY. When you live day after day with the person that does not do what he says he is going to do, so you then have to do it, when you struggle day to day and week to week financially – not knowing if you will be able to buy groceries or gas because he can’t hold a job, it is hard to be positive. When he creates scheme after scheme after scheme on the computer thinking he is going to strike it rich while the bills pile up or the warrants come, and the calls keep coming it is hard to be positive. Sorry to be so NEGATIVE. I have lived with my husband and bipolar disorder for 12 years now, and I love my husband, but I am tired of this kind of life. What is there to look forward to in the future? More of the same? My husband is taking medication, but it just helps control the disorder so the highs and lows are not as extreme. We still go through the same cycle of “good” and “bad” times. We have two kids and he is a great dad most days. I am thankful for this. If anyone can give advice, I’d be happy to hear from you. Thanks, Anne
One organization that I have found useful is Alcoholics Anonymous, al anon, acoa, etc. They are very helpful in dealing with the day to day problems, although they may be dealing with a different disease.Also one thing that a psychiatrist explained to me is that when they are at their most violent, they WANT to be controlled. To be held back, or prevented from acting, although this might not be obvious. The main thing that is required is a refuge. It is children who are at the greatest risk, because they have very few resources. Adults need to know that they need to be strong, and that they have the means to handle the physical and financial needs of all.
I WAS involved with a serious bipolar person. I’ve never seen anything like this, this was the monster from HELL. He lied, I mean he told horrendous lies he would read a paper and tell you a lie or see something or perhaps imagined something happened on the road and would call me and tell me these LIES. I begin to wonder did he believe his own lies. He chose not to seek help inspite of my prompting and quietly discussing things with him even asking him to read these blogs by Mr. Oliver he still refused. Today, I can finally say once and for all after 5 yrs. IT’S OVER!!!! He used illicit controlled substance more than anyone I’ve heard of. The awful mood swings yelling very unnatural behavior. IT’SOVER
Dave – I LOVED your email today! Unfortunately, I don’t REALLY have a supporter with a good, or a bad, attitude – I wish I DID. My boyfriend TRIES to show me when I act a little “crazy,” but I’m really acting what would be for a “normal” person, “normal.” We bipolars are allowed to have opinions, react to criticism, and, yes, even get angry. I have an “inner radar” that tells me when I’m approaching hypomania, so I am well aware of when I’m acting “crazy.” Of the two of us, NOW, he’s the one acting “crazy!”
Cissy – do you mean you have LEFT your partner? Actually, I DON’T blame you, if you have been putting up with LIES for five years. When he doesn’t know the difference between truth and lies, and he actually BELIEVES his lies, and they disturb you and make you think he is unstable or dangerous, then – by all means, say “It’s Over!” I’m sorry to hear he’s on illegal drugs; he is just trying to self-medicate, and should see a psychiatrist to be put on LEGAL drugs to help his illness. If you’ve “had enough,” then you can stop being a supporter and live your life to suit yourself. You don’t need this “albatross” around your neck. GET OUT!!!
Dave – supporters are only HUMAN. The most understanding, caring, upbeat and positive person, CAN and WILL have “bad days” when they just can’t cope. Give ALL supporters a break; they live through situations you can’t even dream of. Maintaining a positive attitude can only go so far in helping a bipolar sufferer. Ultimately, even the most positive person will come to the end of their rope and say, “It’s over!”
BIG HUGS and God’s blessing to all those with bipolar disorder, and the saints that support them.
Thanks for all your input, I appreciate knowing there is someone
that can understand the problem that people with bipolar disorder
has to contend with. I don’t have
a family that supports, but I do have friends and that makes all the
difference in the world.
Thank You Again
Jennie Donnell
I am both a supporter and suffer of M.D.it is a hard time for me but with the info i get it helps me greatly I’m happy to find someone out there who cares enought to pass on what they have learnd THANK YOU vary much dave in KY
Hey dave
I thank God for your information and you not giving up on your mother. My problem is taking responsability for the actions and behaviors that I did not do. My husband is Bi- Polar. Now when he was diognosed I never thought in a million years how difficult it would be. He has also lied, said he had other women, said he wanted to sleep with my sister and my neices(I gave this to God) I couldn’t handle hearing those things. Things that were personal and close to me that I would never want to hear. He got on porn sights and left it up on my computer that MY(this was special) dad gave me. I don’t know if it were something he actually wanted me to see. He told someone else that he divorced me and that he wanted to sleep with me and transexuals as well.
This was allot to deal with after I heard it and the fact that he told people that I gave him stds…..the list goes on. Is this what to expect from a bi-polar person? He has done some things to me that came against how people saw me and now I feel funny even helping him in the present because I don’t know him anymore and don’t know if he really needs me anymore. I see a counsler because this has hurt me deeply and I am still getting over this stuff.
He is on meds now but he got off his meds over a month ago and he is at a place where he is getting medicated. This will take awhile? He is still not himself when I talk to him—I wonder will he ever be stable, but I trust that things will get better.