Good morning. I have been receiving emails for a couple of months now. I want to thank you for all the information I have received. My son, 24, had a psychotic break, and I didn’t know he was bipolar. I was frantic because he is my only child. I located a psychiatric nurse practioner, and she has really helped us out. He takes his meds faithfully because he doesn’t like the way he was at that time. He lost his job when all this took place. He is a cutman in the construction business for an 8 man crew. He had been with the same boss for the last 3 years. His boss said they didn’t have any work and referred him to another supposed friend so he could continue working. That lasted about a week and a half. That guy said they didn’t have enough work to keep him employed. His old boss, a supposed friend also, said he had a full crew and didn’t need him which is full of baloney because we know the people on the crew. He just didn’t want him back because they thought he was crazy! He’s not. His meds are working wonderfully and he’s back to normalcy, so I know first-hand about those so-called “friends”. They come a dime a dozen and won’t stand by you in time of need. Thanks for all you have done for us.

I was diagnosed 4 years ago,what helps me when i’m in a good phase is keep busy ,work on ways to stay stable for as long as possible,but don’t overstretch yourself.

Boy Dave that hit home hard.

I found out that when I went through the last espisode most of my so called freinds practically denied knowing me, it went so far as being discluded from functions, no returned emails or phone calls. I was precieved as not worthy of much.
But I have to say I have the utmost pride and admiration for the few friends who stuck by my side even when it wasn’t easy
Getting your meds right helps too.

I agree with the on the positive spin. While there may be some value in asking how did I get here, looking backwards can lead to the negative. I try to start with the positive question…WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? That may require a glance backwards but more than that it sends me forward in a positive direction. If a friend, job, therapist, apartment, etc. is gone ruminating is useless. Coming up with a positive strategy to carry forward makes sense.

Hi Dave… I like your “look for the silver lining and find something positive” out of an episode. I’s very hardto do when your down r-e-a-l low! But a good supporter can certainly help there….Anyway, I finally, after months of waiting, got into see a psychiatrist my GP refered me to. This man was an example of exactly WHAT WE THE BIPOLAR DEFINAYELY DO NOT NEED. He was aq complete joke. My app. was for 2″:oo p.m. and just before he called me in, his wife showed up, went into his office, and left me itting in the waiting room for 25 minutes while I listened to them laughing and giggleing. When I finally got in, we were just starting to get into it, and guess what, the phone rings, and he interupts the conversation and train of thought, and takes the call, FROM HIS WIFE! Now, over1/2 hr. of my time slot has been wasted, he listened a little, asked me a couple of questions from ” the textbook”, concluded I’m not bipolar, and wanted to prescibe valium for anxiety. I was in total disbeif. How can this poor example of the profession diagnose me with roughly 40 min. or so of questions, (doesn’t it take many visits to assess???), and here’s the best of it, he told me after this pathetic interview that he doesn’t take patients, and that I should join some group therapy, keep taking the med. I’m on, (which by the way have all but eliminated any anxiety I was experiencing before meds were introduced via MY GP!, so what was with the valium recommendation.) and then basically blew me off. I asked him then that if he thinks I’m not bipolar, then what was I? He said I suffer from general anxiety disorder which manifests itself into rage now and again. O.K., I’ve questioned the bipolar prognosis from my GP because I bought your course and read another book and didn’t feel I had the manic “highs” described, that I don’t get super charged for days without sleep and blow my life savings, but ALL the other characteristics are bang on. I used to,(before seroquel helped me sleep), go with very little sleep, tossed and turned and was exhausted all the time becaue it would go on for months…there WAS a time that sleeplessness and raxcing thought had me finally get out of bed fired up and angry, getting dressed and walking all night through the river valley paths throughout our city in a rage with racing thoughts. The mood swings and debilitating dpressions would zap all my energy and have me enegyless and filled with despair….but oh no, I couldn’t possibly be bipolar, just need to sedate myself with valium and carry on my merry little way……i cannot tell you how frustrated I am after this experience. I know how you recommend we find a good therapist, but up here in Alberta Canada, the doctors are overbooked, underpaid, and it takes months to get to see even one, (one that can prescribe meds and is covered by provincial health care….or rather, f.ree), and if he turns out to be a useless idiot like the one I just had the displeasure of meeting, guess what, months and months of waiting to get another crack at perhaps another crackpot. I could see a psycologist, for $190.00 an hr., they cannot prescribe medication, but they are a dime a dozen. I’ve had two experiences with psycologists. One I saw for 5 visits before I was completely broke and couldn’t see anymore for lack of funds, told me on my last visit tha the couldn’t think of anyone in the field in the lower end spectrum of cost, (which means the ones at the bottom of their class and who probably barely past the exams),that could help someone like me because I was too intelligent. what the hell is that: Too intelligent… That comment only hurled mr into a deep anguished despair…O.K. then, who the hell can help me then or tell me what the hell is wrong with me.
The second therapist threw me out of her office because I wouldn’t agree with her that I hated my father, ( who by the way was a kind, gentle, loving, and beautiful man who helped special needs kids), and she was putting words in my mouth and twisting things I had said. i was there with my now ex as we were trying to heal our failing relaionship, I got upset with her, (wasn’t abusive in the least or making a scene), but did strongly defend myself, whereby she told me to get out,and said to my ex “You can come back, HE CAN’T!)
So there you have the quality of the $35.00 an hr. “therapist” I cannot tell you how frustrated I am. When I told my now amazing and supportive wife of 6 yrs. of yesterdays experience with the psychiatrist I saw, she couldn’t believe it. She was very supportive and reminded me what your course says…that it could take years to find the right therapist…at least my GP got the meds right……….alright, so enough of all this, there you have it folks…there’s alot of quacks in the bizz., but I.m not giving up…this disorder is for life, so i guess i have nothing but time…..keep the faith, and never never give up. I wont, despite the many frustrations and hellish moods…. It’s just too bad that there are so many useless people who call themselves therapistss out there who waste our time and resources while they prance around like tits waving their certificates and titles around for a prestige they certainly don’t deserve. BDT out

Hey Dave – you’re not mad, you’re awesome.

I cant believe how much you have taught me about bpd in such a short space of time. These have helped me beyond words, deal with my new girlfriends “mood swings”. I didnt know what to think – i though i was losing her, and then she told me she was bi polar. I researched n researched, and came across your page. You spoke in terms i could relate to and thats why i signed up.

It has done wonders for us. Although i’ve only been seeing her for 6 weeks and only known about her bpd for 2 of those 6. What i have learnt in just those 2 weeks has helped me to understand a lot.

Now i know that when i thought she was mad at me she wasnt. And when she is in a depressive episode, i can now be a 10 for her and try to understand what she is going thru and help her thru it, rather than be a 2 feeling sorry for myself because i had made her angry with me.

And Dave you are right – it has brought us closer together – just the fact that i care enough to find out about it and support her and that i am trying to learn and understand has made her see new things in me, and given us a deeper understanding of each other.

Thanks Dave for all of the work you do – i know how it must be really hard doing everything you do and keeping all of the balls in the air, but please dont stop, your words are invaluable to me as is your support.

Re: Positive side of bipolar
Dave talked about how bipolar can bring the sufferer and supporter together. What about the sufferer who rejects his wife because in his manic episode, he rejects his wife because the relationship is not exciting anymore. The pain is unbelievable for the people who have tried to love and support him and have been pushed aside. That is what we are in the midst of.

I have been living with my partner for about 5 years. He was dicnotes for bipolar. he got worse where I had to call police many times. I took him to the hospital, Phyciatrist. I got his medications but they keep switching them. After a while he started hitting me. On night he got BAD. He beat my head agianst the wall and broke my foot. I got away from him and ran to the bedroom. I grabed a weapon to distance him from me. It was dark in the room. He kept coming after me and ran into the weapon (sharp). he is know passed. I miss him soo. His family does’nt want anything to deal with him and never did. I was his only support. now I am dealing with Manslaughter. I have not yet been covited yet. I am out on bail. My family and freinds have seen his violence. Pleas Help!! I have no records or even had a parking ticket. I wish the couart system would start understand how dangerious this illness is. It was not either our falt he was ill. I still Love him and can’t get over it……….Agian Please help get the word out. Thank you for listening. Jerry

DAVE, I know what you’re trying to say. Sometimes an episode can bring you closer together. The supporter has to do their best to try to understand why the bipolar person sometimes acts and speaks in a certain way. I learned from you, Dave, to realise that it’s not the person being stroppy with you but it’s the bipolar disorder.

e.g. my boyfriend can be the most loving, caring and sexy man with a great sense of humour. Then suddenly he picks on me, criticising everything I do (some things that can’t be changed, e.g. I’m not physically very strong). He may say things that really aren’t very nice, but I now know that he doesn’t mean them and it’s his bipolar talking, so I don’t argue back.

I think it makes a huge difference though, if the bipolar person is controlling his/her condition by taking their medicine, or if they’re in denial about having any sort of problem. When the supporter is understanding and the bipolar person is taking their medicine, they can make a good team. If the bipolar person refuses to get help (like my ex-husband) the supporter will be knocking his/her head against the proverbial brick wall and the whole thing is likely to get out of control.

Very Good Dave!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, DAVE!!

When I’m in the middle of a full-blown manic episode, I DO enjoy my delusions. I learn about the hidden parts of my personality that aren’t apparent when I’m stable. I’m more loving (even if that includes random sex!), and I treat everyone in a friendly manner.

I attract some people who DO turn into “fair weather friends,” but who needs them once you’re hospitalized, and they no longer think you’re the “greatest thing since sliced bread?” These people “buy into” my delusions, and actually BELIEVE them. Then, when it turns out that I’m really “sick” and “psychotic,” they don’t believe any more.

My last hospitalization taught me that I was manic depressive and needed Lithium. Although the Lithium, after 18 years, caused neuropathy in both legs, it DID keep me stable until I was prescribed Depakote. IN 2000, I was given the diagnosis of bipolar, and put on the RIGHT medications.

I have been a highly-functioning person with bipolar for 31 years now; but always, in the back of my mind, the hypomania looms, and I have to “watch my back.” I HAVE learned what my triggers are, and take my meds and get enough sleep, etc., in order to keep the bipolar at bay.

So, yes – there ARE some good things that come out of a bipolar episode. If only we ALL could learn what they are!

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. Stay sane, and may God bless you real good.

Hey David.

I am a supporater of a person with bipolar disorder. My wife and I have had an on again, off again relationship for about 5 years. This on again period ( for a year )has been great. My wife comments are ” how come it’s been so good?.” My answer to that is” I don’t know it just is.” The real reason is because of the reading i’ve done about bipolar disorder. I let her moods swings just blow over where as before I took them seriously. I have a question from reading and listening to your blogs. You talk about episodes that a person has, watching for signs, strategys, ect… My wife wakes up every morning with wild eyes, changes her clothes 4 to 5 times, talks really fast to the point where I leave quickly because I feel like she’s manic and me being there is just being in her way. At night when we both get home she is so tired that all she can do is sit. She is on two different antidepresiants and she drink 2 to 3 glasses on wine every night. After the first glass of wine I can see a mean look come over her face and she is belligerent for an hour then just as quickly she drops off to sleep.
I guess my question is, is she having an episode every day or is the drinking causing this behavior. The antidepresiants she takes say on the bottle, do not drink when taking this.Are there different levels of episodes?

Thanks for your help,
R

Harely, drinking and bp do not mix and have caused many wild swings in my loved one. If she is on meds it will throw them off. It sounds like her meds are not doing the job and she is using alcohol to find relief for her anxiety or depression. Alcohol is a depressant for anyone.

I just started reciving these emails about one week ago and I wanted to thank you because there are not to many people out there willing to people with bipolar disorder because they think we are crazy.I also know what you mean by “fair-weather” friends I was dating this guy for over a year and half we were living together and I really thought we had something good going on until I had a HUGE episode and started scearming and calling him every name in the book(that is when I found out I am bipolar)when I told him what I had he told me he could not handle being with a crazy person and we have not spoken since which is a good thing.So again I say thank you for what you are doing it might not seem like alot to some people but to the people you are helping it means alot.

To Nathan and Margaret:
Try and talk to her about the good times for her to remember. If she is in her deppressed mood she wants to be alone. Go to her and mayber help clean her kitchen. She may help? but keep talking about good things instead of bringing up her medecations. It is hard I know I have been there. Let her know you are her best freind. I hope she will listen. You may have already tryed it before. But if not maybe It will………You freind Jerry

I do agree that good things come from BAD. I am a fairly strong person. I have a daughter that has bipolar, so my husband having this should be nothing new. But dealing with a child and dealing with an adult, well I guess it is all very trying. But, my husband is a very large person so when he gets angry or starts throwing his words. It can be a real challenge. He has tested my strength. I have three other children so life can be a real trip at times. It has just been very recently that I covinced my husband that if he does not want me by his side through all of this. It is time to get some help. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Had I not had a daughter that I dealt with this. Her and I would not be as close as we are today.. So good comes out of bad things..

Liz,
Hello, How you doing. About your comment on drinking on meds: My partners medical records show he was twice over the legal limit on alcohol. I was not there at the time and did not know he was drinking until the hitting started. I knew something was wrong. I was not drinking that night. DO NOT DRINK ON MEDICATION! Please!

Your freind, Jerry

i definitely know about the episode “weeding out” your friends, I was so hurt for along time about people “abandoning” me when I needed them most, but you know, my trip to the “hospital” really taught me something bad. you can’t depend on anyone. only trust yourself… blah blah blah. Thankfully, I now know that there are people in my life that care about me and love me no matter what, I just needed to stop pushing them away. Being “self sufficient” can also lead to being alone, if you aren’t careful.

MB,

Breathe honey. Really, go to the bathroom, or a quiet place, and just breathe. Forget everything for those few minutes and. just. breathe. Stretch your hands above your head – reach to the cieling.. breathe deep. Stretch your arms up and down. You need your inner strength right now. So center yourself. Please don’t cry, you don’t have to! It will get better I promise you. I think you may need to see your doctor again. Whenever you feel like you’re getting to this point, take your center time. Take it easy and just feel your inner and forget about everything for just 5 minutes! Let your mind and body connect. I would deffinetly suggest taking some sort of exersize class – 3 times a week. Yoga is fantastic and there are so many places to do it now. You can even do it at home. It will not only be good for you, but it will make you feel wonderful. It will give you a break from the world, from the family, just for you. Its not a selfish thing, everyone needs their own time. To center yourself WILL help you stop these episodes. Your life will be relaxing again, trust me. You have your family, and they will appreciate the time you take for yourself and they will appreciate how well your attitude has calmed down. Just let go, let the bad stuff go. It might not be , but YOU CAN DO IT. Relax and take it easy this season. I send you my love & best wishes<3