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Hi,
How are you today?
Hope you are well.
I received an email from someone that said
and I quote:
“I hate bipolar disorder. It’s the worst
illness ever. It’s mesed up my life so
much. I hate it. I hate having it.
I wish I didn’t have it.”
-Janice
Janice got me to thinking of several things.
First let me say that I do not have bipolar
disorder so I can’t speak from personal
experience about having the disorder.
But I want to point out something that
all started with someone I knew.
A few years back, right around the time
my mom started to go into her really big
bipolar episode, I was working with
my accountant of many years.
He was the accountant that I had for the
longest. He was older close to 70 and a
really smart person. He had been a Certified
Public Accountant for 50 years or so.
MAJOR BIPOLAR LESSON COMING
One week I was in to see him. He was coughing
a lot. I told him he should go to the doctor.
He laughed and told me how he doesn’t go to the
doctor.
A week later, he was coughing like crazy on
a Friday. I said he needed to go to the doctor.
So did his assistant. He actually decided he
was going to go. For the first time I saw
he looked worried.
I told him, I would see him next week again
to go over more stuff. We said goodbye.
That was the last time I ever saw him. He
died with 90 days of cancer. It was really
sad.
I never really got to say goodbye to him. I
said goodbye but I didn’t know the last time
I said it would be the LAST TIME.
I was really sad for a while.
Fast forward a few years and I need to get
another car. The last guy who sold me my
other car was a guy named Dave. He was a really
nice and honest car salesmen. After he sold
me my car, we became friends. I would come in
and see him many times.
He was amazing because
most car sales people that I met in the past
are dishonest and “slick.”
Dave was a great guy however. I went in
to see him about getting another car
and he was like, “come on in when you are ready,
I will take care of you.”
I waited several months and I went
to go see him. I was told when I went in
that Dave is on sick leave. I asked privately
what was wrong. I was told he had cancer.
I was immediately worried. I thought of my
accountant. I thought of the fact there seems
to be no system with cancer. I thought of the
randomness.
I was really sad. Dave died within 6 months
of having the illness.
There are other people I know who have died but
none that I knew so much about like my accountant
and Dave.
When I hear people say how bad bipolar disorder
is, I often tell them to realize that the disorder
can be managed. I remind them that no one
I know of died from bipolar disorder itself like
cancer.
I think cancer is a far worse thing to have. It
seem random. How do you manage cancer? I mean
some people beat it but there appears to be no real
system that I have ever heard of. Maybe there is?
I am not sure.
If you got my courses/systems and go through
them from a to z carefully:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You can’t help but to feel that bipolar
disorder can easily be managed and a person
with it can be successful and live a long
and productive life.
If you listen to the success interviews
in the courses/systems, you will hear
people who suffered for years and years
and years with bipolar disorder and then
learned how to manage it. And manage
it so well you can’t tell they have bipolar
disorder.
People like Janice need to hear what I
call “bipolar success” because too much
of this illness focuses on the negative.
The news does, many doctors do, many
therapists do, many people do, and worst
of all, it’s hard to find the successful
bipolar supporters or bipolar survivors
in the world. I do understand why it’s
easy to be negative when there’s not a lot
of positive promoted.
The bottom line is bipolar is NOT cancer
and I strongly believe is much more within
you and your loved one’s control.
I am not saying you can’t beat cancer but
it seems really vague how to. I am not
an expert with cancer, and I don’t have
bipolar disorder, but I can tell you,
you can manage bipolar disorder.
I have seen so many people do it and do
it effectively. I have 8 people who work
for me who manage it super well. I have
lots of friends who have it. I have interviewed
tons of people who have it and manage it.
If you are ever feeling down about
having bipolar disorder or having a loved one
with bipolar disorder, just think about the following:
-bipolar disorder can be managed. So many people
have proved this.
-there are medications to control it
-no one ever died of bipolar disorder (I know people
have died from not taking medication and doing
things that lead to death)
-Many super successful people have bipolar
disorder, and use the disorder to accomplish
big things in society
-For most people, doing well with bipolar
disorder is within their control.
I would list more things but you get the idea.
In addition to cancer, there are other illnesses
far worse than bipolar disorder as well. Ones people
can’t control. How about like my friend who
has “something” that makes her fall over sometimes
when she is walking. It makes her dizzy a lot. She
can’t think a lot of the time either.
They don’t know what it is or how to treat it.
If you are reading this, at least you know it’s
bipolar disorder. Imagine not even knowing what you have
like my friend. Even if you aren’t sure if you have
bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, borderline
personality disorder, at least you know it’s some
kind of mental illness.
Imagine falling down and not being able to think
and you have no idea why. My friend is in a constant
state of worry because she doesn’t know.
If you are ever feeling down, remind yourself about
the other illnesses out there you or your loved one
with bipolar disorder could have. Then you might
be grateful you have something that can be managed,
controlled, something you know what it is and can
read about it, something that has a track record of
some of the worlds most successful people having it
and using it as an asset, and something that makes
you seemingly more intelligent and creative than most
other people.
If you are down, take some time to really think about
this.
I have to take off now. I will see you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Dave,
I have bipolar disorder and my husband was the one who helped me manage it. He died of cancer, eight months after diagnosis. Yes, cancer is much worse than bi-polarism, and the longterm effects are even more devastating. I hate being bi-polar, but I would have endured it and more to have cured my husband.
Dave,
I have bipolar disorder and yes sometimes I get upset about it and frustrated,but I do have friends who really support me with this problem.
I have bi-polar and I am a breast cancer survivor. Neither is easy. And as we all know,,,stress makes it all worse.But I wouldn’t have gotten through the cancer without my husband,,,he is also the one who reminds me to take my meds,,,when I forget my noon dose,,,,to Kathryn,”I am sorry for your loss” Go find a close friend to help you with managing your bi-polar,,,and remember,,,like Dave said,,,it could always be worse!
On your comments about cancer, I lost my father to cancer but he fought for 34 years, anyway I also lost my mother-in-law to lung cancer three years ago she was bi-polar but one that wouldn’t admit it and wouldn’t take meds after they got her to do a biospy she then told us it came back negative therefore she didn’t have it, here is where the lying or distorting the truth comes in, when we finally got to the bottom of it with the doctor it was to late for her to do anything and he told my husband that he had tried to get her to do something for 5 years, her manias became worse around the time that we found this out and buy the time my husband convinced her she had and to fight the doctor told him it was to late for surgery. Just like when she was told there was something wrong with her heart she accussed the doctor of switching the pictures when he was showing us the films of her heart, she wouldn’t believe it either and suffered a major heart attack and had to have astint put in. So see my problem I say this because I think my husband is bipolar also is how do you get them to admitt it and take the meds?
Sherry,
I found out the hard way by being ordered for in-patient treatment, after an over-dose.
If you are already talking to him about it,,,don’t over-do-it.
Figure out the best way of communication for him to “hear” you when you need to let him know he might need help.
Sometimes,,,just leaving print-outs on the table of the definitions of bipolar1 and bipolar11 and all the different symptoms might spark his interest.
And, if not,,,there is always the truth of,,,situations of real life,
like my dad died because he refused to take his meds regularly, and suicide was the option he chose , at the age of 45,,,when he knew he had it since he was 21.
I came to the point that I couldn’t help my father anymore,,,after 5 different im-patient hospitals.
Me and my mother did all we knew to do.
Sometimes God lets you know that he is the only one that controls things.
Whether we agree with it or not,,,is a different matter.
Yes, cancer is a serious thing – but so is bipolar. It’s just as random, and often even more difficult to treat. There are so many different meds out there – but it’s equally as difficult to find the right combination of meds to treat each person. Since everyone reacts differently to treatments it’s all pretty much hit and miss. I’ve been to specialists all over the country and no one has been able to give me a cut and dry solution to my problem. I’ve been dealing with bipolar for almost 15 years now and I’m still not on the right meds. I also don’t have health insurance, so I couldn’t afford them anyway. What I do take I get free from the pharm. companies – but the stuff I really need I can’t get because of bogus red tape.
I have loved and lost too many people to cancer – it’s no easy road, that’s for sure. But neither is bipolar. I don’t think it’s fair for you to say the one is better or easier than the other – especially since you’ve never had it and therefore cannot know the hell we go through on a day to day basis. I’m sure the point you were trying to make is that the grass is always greener… or that things can always be worse. If that’s the case, then yes, that’s true. You need to be very careful about how you word things though – especially when comparing diseases that no one deserves to have.
Dave,
My story of being Bipolar is a silent internal battle!
I went for years misdiagnosed and just thought that everyone thinks like me and suffers from panic attacks,depression,obessive behavior,racing thoughts and the ups and downs of life itself.
I thought I was high and mighty and always in control. Little did I know after being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder that I was in fear of being out of control. My co-workers said that I was unapproachable and they put signs up in their cubicle “no coffee for Lynn” as she is always high strung and to busy meeting critical time lines to take time for a break or lunch or even join a group meeting. I was obsessive about multi-tasking and to complete many projects on time w/no room for errors. At night I couldnt sleep as I was responsible for preparing for my morning conference calls. I became angry as the months went on and didnt have much balance with my family life. I was always yelling at my kids and couldnt stand working with ingnorant people. I didnt like who I was or the stress of being at work anymore. Corporate America was happy with my progress and gave me more projects. I soon became overwhelmed with the stress and the expectations everyone had of me. My drinking and working at night for hours in isolation became worse and a pattern I did not recognize. I soon wanted to get out of my head so bad that I started cutting myself and later had no desire to open my laptop or show up to work. I stayed in bed and cried for hours wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I was told to seek medical advise by management. My primary put me on anti-depressants that did not work. My racing thoughts were getting worse and so did my drinking and taking pills to self-medicate. My family ignored me until it was to late. I was rushed to the hospital after one hour of finishing off a bottle of Vodka, a few pills and cutting my arms up. I woke up in the ER and was baker acted to a mental hospital. My life over the last few months has been hell since. However, I was determined to be successful again in the right state of mind. First excepting my condition, secondly to learn the coping skills to manage my symptoms and thirdly to get myself the right doctors to manage my medication regima. It can take a year or so just to get on the right medications that will work for each individual effectively. Even though each day is a struggle for me like many who have Bipolar. I still have hope in living a successful and productive life. I have already accomplished opening my own business while receiving disablity from my previous employer. The silent internal battle with Bipolar can be managed with recognizing your symptoms and feeding your mind with the knowledge of the disorder. I pray to rid those bad days for myself and for others who suffer daily with BP. Also,I am thankful that I have been properly diagnosed before ending my life completely.
I have cancer and bipolar disorder and my personal experience is that BP is MUCH WORSE than cancer. Cancer just affects my bones and blood and tissues, just the shell of myself called my physical body. but BP affects me to the core of my being, my psyche, my spirituality, my sense of self. Doctors mostly know what to do abotu cancer but so far for me no doctor has been able to help with my BP. Cancer carries no social stigma, doesn’t make me feel ashamed and guilty like BP does. cancer is measurable but BP isn’t. I hate my BP a lot mroe than I hate my cancer. That’s just my 2 cents. -Alyssa Dodd
Yeah Dave,
I’m feeling pretty down. Finding out that I am bipolar was devastating for me in that my problem wasn’t something I could take care of myself. I still have difficulty dealing with the reality that i have to take these meds for the rest of my life. I am not good at remembering to take them, and therefore i frequently have problems with life.I feel like I have a cancer that can’t be cured.That profoundly affects my outlook on life.Not good. I don’even like myself anymore.
Dear Dave:
Wow! It seems that you’ve really stirred something up here (from reading the comments). It seems like people view almost everything you view as controversial!
I have bipolar, and it’s no picnic. I wouldn’t choose to have it and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I have suffered significantly, and the worst part of it, for me, was that my children were raised by a bipolar mom who didn’t know what she had and wasn’t properly treated. More than anything else in my life, it was important to me to be a good mother. I cringe when I think of some of the times when I was in an episode, and my small children had to witness behavior that was hurtful to them.
Today I have a good doctor, the best therapist in the world, a combination of meds that seems to be working. My children and I have “talked things out” and, though I know that they’re going to have to get through some problems on their own, they are doing very well (in college, talented musically and excersizing that, have lots of friends), and I’m very grateful that, though we’ve had our hard times, and they’ve told me how difficult their childhood was, we are now “reunited”; I have a loving relationship with both of them.
It seems I ran out of room, and I still have a couple of important points to make.
I had a very dear friend who had cancer, and she wanted more than anything to live. She fought it bravely, and I watched her die a horrible, painful death in 2004.
A few months later, I started to go out with her husband of 45 years, who had been with her throughout her terrible fight with cancer. We’ve been together 3 1/2
years now, and of course, at some point, he became acquainted with my BP. He took it upon himself to learn about my disease, and has always been loving and supportive. I’m sure, if you asked him, he’d much rather that I had bipolar than cancer.
A doctor (medical) once asked me if I was BP when we first met; I was surprised and asked how he had guessed. He said that I was very animated and articulate and intelligent, and creative, and that he had observed that in bipolar patients. Maybe there are some positives to BP? Don’t misunderstand me; I would give it away in a minute. But maybe there are positives? I also want to say that my kids tell me that, in spite of my bipolar, they have many, many fond childhood memories. We had many fun times. They love me; they always have. And I do feel very strongly that bipolar CAN be managed. -Sue
My 29 year old son has a serious bipolar condition. That comes and goes. He is now running from the law. In his manic stage. I have tried to convince him to turn himself in with no luck.
If he did so on my asking him he would rage and hate me for the rest of my life. I am 68 years old and do not have much time left on this beautiful earth. I want my son back. I had him late in life, and I live for this child.
Anyone have any suggestions??
Dave,
I am so broken hearted. My son is evading the law for a minor reason. He will not turn himself in. I do not see or hear from him anymore. He is seriously bipolar and has taken medications that turned his life around for a while, but refused to continue taking the meds.
I am 68 years old, and this child is the love of my life. I exist for my 29 year old son. What can I do to try and find him, which I have repeatedly done, and convince him to turn himself in.
I am to the point of hysteria.
Can you give me any advice at all??
Dave,
My husband is bipolar and I have a son that is ADHD. My husbands was very close to his grandmother that died of cancer in 1999. From that point he was never the same. He would go through crying spells, depression, saying he is worthless, then tried to jump off the highway bridge. He gets frustrated and tells me he hates being bipolar. I tell him that he can live a normal life with bipolar, but he does not believe me. He is having a hard time managing his manic episodes. In 2005 he started taking 4 different medication and his doctor don’t feel he is doing well since he dosage has increased over the years. As of today, my husband may go through mania, anxiety attacks, or insomnia 2-4 times a week. Now I feel he needs to be put into a facility and hoping a doctor can put him on the right medication and help him see he can live a succussful life being bipolar. I hope I am not wrong about placing in-patient help.
Dave,
When I found out I was bi-polar it was actually a liberating experience. It so explained my self-destructive lifestyle. So I embraced it and now am continuously looking for information which you so richly supply. Understanding and accepting are key to handling this disorder. We’re not damaged, just a little different. Life is WONDERFUL.
Debbie:
WELL SAID!!
-Sue
what a stupid comparison.
i’m sorry but i suffer from bipolar (thankfully on right meds now) and my dad has 2 years if he’s lucky dying from cancer. its all hard. random. devastating.
I could have died. god i tried. yes my bipolar had me up to stupid things.
How many poor people who don’t get diagnosed commit suicide? i don’t know but sadly i’m sure its far too high.
don’t compare these two things.
They both kill. (sadly)
why compare? cancer is horrible.. my family knows.. bipolar is horrible..my family knows.
i know people who have died because of there bipolar.. it does kill too
Hi Dave,
Thanks for all the information on bipolar disorder. I don’t have it myself, but my boyfriend that I live with, does. He has always had little mood swings, and had thought himself to be bipolar, but this year it has really taken affect. A few bad events happened to him relating to family and work, and it has been down hill from there. He is finally going to get a psych evaluation and counseling, and hoping to get meds. I am happy he decided to do so, but it will take a while. I guess I am writing because I am really stressed out. I have been with him 2 years and never once dealt with the longevity of this “down mood”, it is really tiring. I never know which side of him I will see, the normal or the bipolar. We both are busy during the day, so by the time we are at home together or out doing something and he is in his “mood”, I get super exhausted. I am really frusterated and I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but I cant always help it. I get angry too, and every time i express my frustration he doesn’t have any answers. On the flip side, on a good day he is perfectl normal and loving, but I hate feeling like each time one of those days passes I won’t see them again. I try to do little things, and give him his space to deal with it. But its just so disheartening to be around someone who acts like hes angry with you all the time. I want to support him, but I also need to find some way of dealing with it myself. I hate the fact I have to think about it and worry all the time when he is not around, it is consuming all my thoughts. I never was like this before, his little mood swings never lasted more than a day or a few hours, and I thought nothing of it. But now they are longer and it gives me some anxiety. What can I do to help myself and my own peace of mind? I just feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time. I don’t know what I can do until he gets on his meds.
Dave,
My 15 year old son was diagnosed with being bipolar at the age of 11 ive been receiving your emails for a few years and i just wanted to say thanks for your helpful info. and may i add it has definetly been a rollercoaster ride.
Dave, you might say I’m a highly functioning bipolar. I am managing successfully with my meds and my therapist. I own my own condo a couple blocks from an Historic Downtown Mall, where I have lived for over 30 years. And although the numbers of TRUE friends I have, you can count on the fingers of one hand.
However, am I HAPPY being bipolar? No. I say this, because when I go into a manic episode – which is something I CANNOT control, it is HELL. I hurt other people, and myself, with my bizarre actions and thoughts. I do strange things that I would normally NEVER do. I get promiscuous sexually, and risk getting STDs. I don’t think RATIONALLY about my actions, until it becomes soooo bad, I get hospitalized to regulate my meds and “bring me down.”
The other side of the coin is the depressive side. I have only had one year-long clinical depression – but, that is ONE too many. Even though I managed to keep my job for a year – don’t ask me how – and manage my apartment house, I was MISERABLE and couldn’t see the “light at the end of the tunnel” until I got professional help. Why I waited a year for that help I will never understand. As you said, the “side effects” of bipolar are the things that kill you, NOT the bipolar illness itself. My depression even led me to think of suicide. (And I am NOT, nor have ever been, suicidal. My religous beliefs are too strong for me to take my own life. It was just the THOUGHT of it that was so strong at the time.)
My boyfriend’s mother got breast cancer at 75, and she beat it. She’s now 90, and leading a wonderful life, so there IS hope for cancer survivors. I, too, don’t know why/how some people with cancer survive, and some die within months – it’s such a random disease. But – so is bipolar. Some believe it is genetic; my maternal grandfather was a paranoid schizophrenic, so there is something to passing mental illness down through the generations. I didn’t ask for bipolar disorder. None of my brothers or sister have ANY mental disorder. I was illigitimate, and placed for adoption at birth. Why I should be the one child out of four that got the illness is problematical, and I try not to dwell on it. To say I’m envious of my siblings is to make it all too easy…
So – bipolar disorder is NOT as fatal as cancer, or epilepsy, or Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson’s – but it IS chronic, which means it is life-long and incurable. Yes, most bipolars are creative and more intelligent than most “normal” people, but that surely doesn’t make us HAPPY about it. I can see why Janice is unhappy with her diagnosis…
I live on Social Security Disability and a small pension from my first late husband. This does NOT cover my mortgage or my condo fee, so I have to dip into savings every month. My therapist says I’ll NEVER be able to work a normal job EVER, so I’m stuck in a fixed income that only increases with COLA. In the past, I’ve had DREAM jobs, only to be ended by a manic episode over which I had no control. I even had a job in the U.S. Senate that was a life-long dream – only to lose it two weeks later.
I’m sure ALL bipolar sufferers are NOT happy with their illness. They may be highly functional, holding down great jobs and raising families on their own. But if they had their choice, they would NOT have chosen to be bipolar.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar sufferers and the ones who love them. God loves you, and so do I.
I have a teenage daughter that is bipolar. I was so worried to send her to college and allow her to be on her own but she is on medication and has taken them for the past three years. It took over two years to get them right but I feel we have a good combination going now. She use to cut at one time but hasn.t for the past year or more. I have to say that it seems to be a combination of the correct meds and conseling that has helped her through. We are a close family and support her in every way we can but its hard for me to let her go even though I know I must. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to experience cancer or bipolar and I pray for all of you that God looks after you and you find strengh to carry on. There are so many frightening things in this life that I always try to look for the good things in it and all I know is everyday I thank God my daughter is still here with us. God Bless
Dave,
Yes, I would rather have bipolar than cancer. Take a look at my sister who died of cancer 7 years ago, he husband does not have her, my parents lost their child (a pain I wish upon no-one), and worst of all her son no longer has his mom. I lost a sister, my kids lost an aunt. I could go on and on. I have bipolar, my kids have me, my parents have me, my husband has me, my nephew still has his aunt. Yes I have times when I am not “normal” but I am still here. I hate having bipolar, but there are many many many worse things. I hate when I am out of control, I hate when I am depressed, I hate being on a roller coaster, but I am still here.
I am bipolar. I was actually diagnosed with it the first time 8 years ago. Along with ADHD and depression. I’ve been through so much therapy in my lifetime. I’m only 18 (well, next month), and sometimes i do think that bipolar is just the worst thing ever. But honestly, I do know it’s not. What i think is worse is having other illnesses on TOP of it. I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago. I definitely wish that bipolar was the only thing i have to worry about. It has ruined plenty in my life already. But these other things make it so much harder. It’s so frustrating and sometimes i really just want to give up. What am i going to do when i decide i want to have a baby? I can’t be on these meds that i have FINALLY found to help control it. I don’t know if i will be able to make it through the pregnancy. It’s so scary to think about.
And then there’s the cancer. That is something that I really need to worry about. I have at least one of the genes in me that is linked to breast cancer. And Lung cancer is in my family’s blood. I remember learning a long time ago that cancer isn’t hereditary, but It’s obviously something that i really need to be aware of because I’ve already lost so many people to it. My mom’s father died of it in 2000. he was only 46. He also had 6 brothers. All of them but 1 died of lung cancer within 6 months of each other. It’s terrible. And the one brother that is left? Well, he has prostate cancer. He is in remission, though. Diabetes also is in my family, along with heart problems. Sometimes I think that i just can’t handle this illness, but then i think about all of the other things that could happen to me, and it just makes things worse. What i do know is that if i do ever end up with another illness.. a physical one, the fact that I am bipolar is just going to make everything so much more complicated. It’s scary. I shouldn’t be having to worry about these kinds of things at 18. But I have no other choice. No matter how i look at it, my life is doomed. I am already on SSI from my PTSD. I’m only 18 and I could write a whole series of books about the things i have been through in my life. I just don’t know how to handle it sometimes. But I do know that it’s getting a little easier. And part of the reason is because of these emails. They have helped me look at things in a different perspective and also help me to understand why things happen. I also have to worry about so much when it comes to money. And it’s not even from me spending and spending. I really just feel like if i had maybe 2000 dollars right now, i could get myself back on my feet and things could get easier. I feel like i’m just stuck in a hole.
I really want to thank you for being so caring. You do so much for people, and i can’t thank you enough. Sorry this was so unorganized and choppy. … and i hope you actually read it.