Dave;

Kudos to you for sticking with this, educating yourself to better educate those who will listen, and for having the patience you do. My mom, who passed in 1997, was definitely bipolar. But, because of lack of knowledge on the parts of doctors, my dad and me being a child and not knowing better she never got treatment. As I read this letter you wrote I recall my entire life growing up fearing for my life on a daily basis. Mom constantly threatened to kill me and I really believed she was capable. As a matter of fact the day I left home (ran away) really seemed like that day was the day she was going to follow through. Obviously I “escaped” or I would not be writing this, but I wanted to ask you and point out one of the things a “violent” bipolar will play ‘switcheroo.’ My case was mom, who was supossed to be disabled and unable to walk somehow managed to get up and run after me to try and stop me from leaving. Now tell me I did not have reason to fear she was about to follow through with her threats. Anyway, in the process she fell and was seriously hurt. Suddenly it was her acting the victim and I was the bad guy. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I have noticed persons with bipolar tend to be very manipulative. One minute they are threatening and the next they are victims seeking empathy. It is quite the roller coaster. So, with that said I can totally empathise with the threats and yet at the same time I have nothing but praise for you to not let it keep you from doing what you know is right and also keep encouraging others to do the same. Perhaps in years to come this will be a better managed disease without so much negativity. Thanks for everything 🙂 seriously…

My mum attempted suicide a few times swallowing dozens of her Valium pills and admitted to having intended to jump off the terrace of a building but that a vision of “Jesus” prevented her from doing that (?). You never mentioned that bipolar people often have these type of mystic hallucinations (or perhaps it was just her). At the time we didnt know what she had, but she did go to a doctor and the doctor prescribed her anti depressants that did nothing but depress her more, so we saw fit that she went off medication every now and then, but then she had “high” periods which I now identify as episodes, in which she did all sorts of awful things like hurting her husband with a knife, calling the police and fire brigade in at my sisters pretending that she was being beaten inside her place, and when it seemed that it could not get worse, she would get depressed again at the evidence of all she had caused.

Three weeks ago, my husband went to into a “SUPER-EPISODE” he was furious about a very small issue and just went absolutely batsh*t! He was kicking doors, thrashing tables, and slamming other doors and throwing things and I was terrified I just tried to hide, thinking, “I’ve got to get out of here.” I waited 3 seconds too late. A large closet door (the kind that rolls on tracks) was leaning up against the wall and his banging another door in the hallway triggered the closet door to fall, just as I was making a break for it to get out of the house.

THe door fell right on my face! I managed to get to the bathroom and ohmygawd what a discusting situation I was in. I saw my skull people, my SKULL!!!

My husband was still raging and had no concept of what was going on with me.

He almost tried to stop me from leaving and asked, “What’s wrong, its just a cut.” I steered clear and managed to get myself to the hospital. 10 stitches, a cat scan and lots of confusion.

It was an unintended consequence, I am not afraid of him because I know he would never intentionally hurt me. We have been doing some really great work on how to “cope” but this incident literally “blew my mind” (pun intended) now, we realize that his illness is getting worse and we have to step it up a bit and I have to be more careful about what I should be doing if this happens again.

I have much empathy for my husbands illness and I do not hold any resentments (except for the fact that the illness exists) and we are working hard to find good help.

Thanks.

dsw and mry…..one thing I would suggest, and I feel you should take seriously is KEEP YOURSELF ABOVE ALL SAFE! Saying you are not afraid of someone who is out of control…”because they would never intentionally cause you harm” is a dangerious outlook….most persons who cause harm to another, or even cause the accidental death to another…..didn’t mean to….but, that doesn’t change the reality of the situation. When a person is “out of control” or out of YOUR control…..it is your responsibility to seek safety FIRST, and contact the atthorities who have the knowledge of HOW TO ASSIST THIS PERSON. NEVER place yourself in jeopardy. That helps no one! Love and devotion to another is great…..but, use your intellegence your mind, and not so much your heart when you are dealing with a situation that has become dangerious or violent…..this individual needs assistence that YOU are not capable of giving……if you become harmed or worse, that isn’t helping anyone…..so when the violence starts….GET OUT….and GET HELP!

Hi Dave,

I wanted to tell you about an episode that happened a couple of weeks ago.It scared the holy hell out of me and I still shiver to think how dangerous the situation really was.
My husband has a couple of men that he works with, staying with us temporarily,until they can get on their feet financially and get their own places to live. One in particular,Bill,was my husband’s friend.Little did we know,that Bill had his own problems.I’m not sure if he was bipolar or not,but my mania was feeding off him.I’m normally very shy and reserved,but I kept telling my husband that there was something about Bill that I didn’t trust and he made me nervous.I couldn’t put my finger on the reason for this feeling.
I get up at 4:45 AM to make lunches and coffee for four men,including my husband and son.They all work together about 1 mile away.I don’t really mind doing it,because it gives me until 5:00 PM to myself,with no distractions. It worked out fairly well for the first week.The second week,Bill started coming home for lunch,after I had already packed a lunch for him that morning.This really concerned me,because I don’t usually have any men around visiting or otherwise,when my husband and son aren’t home.It’s just not proper,to me it’s not.That’s just the way I was raised.
Had Bill been sick or injured,I could’ve seen past my “old-fashion moral standards” and just occupied my time in my bedroom (safe territory),but he wasn’t sick and he wouldn’t leave me to myself.He’d knock on my bedroom door about every 5 minutes.He couldn’t find this or that.He needed to ask me a question and couldn’t hear me through the door.I just assumed it was just bullsh*t and ignored him until I heard the front door close.
He’s my husband’s friend,so I spoke to my husband about asking Bill to stay at work for lunch and to not come home unless it was just absolutely necessary.My husband did speak to him about it,but it didn’t stop Bill.
The weekend came and so did Bill’s girlfriend.They tied up my son’s bedroom and then the bathroom for more than an hour.My son wasn’t very pleased about being locked out of his room and was livid about the bathroom being “occupied” for so long and having to detour and use my private bathroom instead.I was already tense and this just made matters worse.I told my husband he needed to do something about Bill and soon,before I blew a gasket and he’d have to clean up the mess!(I have been known,by both my husband and son,to physically throw someone out of the front door and dare them to come back in,just so I’d have an excuse to kick someone’s butt.That’s usually reason enough to clear out and give me space and time to pull my act together.)They know my triggers almost as well as I do.
He spoke to Bill and he left, saying he’d be back shortly.We thought he left with his girlfriend.We watched a couple of movies and retired to bed about midnight.He returned at 4:15 AM saying he’d been in a fight,he was bleeding and needed a bandaid.I opened the door and he was dripping blood from his fist,all over my tan carpet.He walked into my room and slung blood onto my blanket and carpet as he made his way into my bathroom to find the bandaids.I was tired and must’ve been still half asleep or I would’ve killed him for doing that.I really don’t know why I didn’t blow up at that point,but I didn’t.He said someone had been following him home and he thought that they were going to rob him,so he beat on the man with his fists until he quit moving.My husband got dressed and left with him,to see if the man was still where Bill left him and to see if he needed to go to the hospital.They returned about 7:30 AM.I had already gotten dressed,made coffee and was using hydrogen peroxide to clean the blood out of the carpet.They couldn’t find the man,so my husband was going to go back to bed for a couple of hours.So I finished what I was doing,got my coffee and went back to my bedroom to do my email.
A neighbor called and asked my husband to go with him to pick up the new living room furniture he’s bought for his wife for Christmas.So my husband got up and redressed to go out.It was 9:30 AM,so I told him that I was going to try to catch a catnap while he was gone.I got to sleep about 15 minutes when Bill started knocking on my bedroom door.He needed antisceptic,he needed another bandaid,he needed gauze and tape,he needed scissors and then he wanted lunch.I never got to go back to sleep.I kept watching the clock, it was getting late into the afternoon and my husband hadn’t returned.
Bill went back to the room he shared with my son;I guess he went to sleep,it was quiet.So I decided to do the same and went to my room to lie down.About an hour later my husband returned and I flew into a rage.I screamed and cursed at him,calling him some very ugly names.I accused him of doing more for his friends than he does for his family.I don’t remember the whole scenario,but it must’ve been really ugly and he was standing there,like a deer in my headlights.(He was in shock)I attacked him,ramming him all the way into our walk-in closet,all the way back to the shelves and was holding him against the shelves screaming at the top of my lungs.(A closet,no matter how large it is,is no place to get in a fight.)He shoved me back and then grabbed me by the neck and pushed me back onto the bed.By that time I’d started to cry.It was the only way he could extricate himself from my grasp.I had shredded the shirt he’d been wearing and left some ugly welts on his face where I’d evidently struck him.He was angry at me, he didn’t understand why I was so upset at him,but I was crying,so according to past experience,it was almost over.
Both of us surprisingly survived,without any real harm done.It scared the hell out of everyone else in the house,they were standing in the hall,looking like a kindergarten class going to lunch. I could have hurt him seriously and would have, had he not been aware that I’m bipolar and when I go past the stage of being able to escape whatever the trigger was,I’m quite powerful and I can’t recognise anyone or even the difference between right and wrong.I just strike out…
My husband is 6’4″ tall and weighs about 190 lbs.,I’m barely 5’2″ tall and weigh 120 lbs.My son is 6′ and weighs 200 lbs.They both say I scare the hell out of them when I get like that,that I turn into the incredible hulk and that there’s no stopping me.
Bill left that day and has yet to return for his things.We heard that he went to jail the next day.He had been injecting amphetamines in the mens’ room at work and was fired from his job.He left there and was picked up by the police some time after that.

I don’t know if that was why he kept coming home at lunch or if he had something else in mind,but either way,he’s out of my house and nobody comes home for lunch unless they clear it with me the night before.
I’ve earned a new name too,my husband and son call me “Psycho-Midget”

Dave,

I’m sorry for taking up more of your space,but I wanted to add this,”YES”,people with bipolar disorder CAN and WILL kill anyone or anything in their grasp,even those they love.I’m Manic-Depressed and I’m bipolar.I know from past experience,that it’s true.I’ve looked into the face of a monster,myself, and I know what I’m capable of,even though I don’t know while I’m doing it,until after it’s over and it’s too late!!

Dave,

I’ve been in a relationship with my child’s mother since I was 16 years old, now I am 20, and my son is almost 3.

I’ve been reading your emails, articles, etc for a couple weeks now, and I do say they have helped me understand the disorder a lot better.

Right now, I strongly believe my baby’s mother has bipolar disorder. Right now, we aren’t together, because I honestly couldn’t take it. I do want to help her, but she is almost making it impossible. I don’t want her out there fending for herself..

I am scared for her, but I am more scared for my son because I don’t trust her with him alone, because of her poor decision making… Being a 20 year old single father is hard enough, let alone being a supporter.. any advice for me?

– Brian

Dave,
Thank you for all the information and trying to help us all. It means alot to me that others have the same troubles as me and my husband. It really helps to read the experiences of others and mostly just being able to express what is happenig to me. There are not many people who understand why I put up with what I do in the marriage.

I am a supporter of my husband who was diagnosed in 2003 as MANIC B/P. He is now 65 years old yesterday. He grew up in a large family and grew up fighting. He was known as Plain MEAN. No one in the small town or surrounding towns would ever mess with him for fear that he would kill them.

The Doctor who diagnosed him said it was amazing that he was still alive.

He was married 2-times before me. I am 13 years younger then him. He used to drink heavy and has been dry since 1988. He has children from 1st marriage and step children from 2nd marriage and now my 3-adult children who were 10, 12 & 17 when we got together.

He was shot by his 1st wife during a manic episode. He had tried to kill her in the past over money in the divorce and seeing his son with her new boyfriend. He was sent to jail for 3 years and that’s where he found the Lord but was NEVER diagnosed or treated for his condition.

I knew something was wrong, but it took a breakup for him to see he had a problem and seek medical help. He was medicated and I saw a difference and after 2-months of seperation, I gave him a 2nd chance based on the agreement he would stay on his meds.

I am a sucessful business person that works in the public and with other professionals. This last summer there were problems with his son (who worked for us)who has drinking problems and has a girlfriend that has had phyco episodes that interferred with business customers.

This had set my husband into manic episodes that were very embarrassing for me and the business. The son (who also may be BP) got angry at me on several occations and told his father to stop taking his meds and he would see what a “B” I was.

It has been a real hard year for me because of all the pressure from business and his episodes. After taking the Dave’s course, I realized I wasn’t taking care of myself and maybe he needs different meds. We visited a new Dr. that supposedly specializes in BP. He gave me Depression/anxiety meds and something for husband for episodes.

During his episodes, I am fearful and try to defuse the problem but that gets old. Know what I mean?

Sorry for the long post & for lisening to me. I truely feel that my husband could be VERY dangerous in one of his episodes.

Dave,

I have a 22 year old daughter with a bipolar disorder. Her mother, grandmother, and aunt have all been diagnosed with the same illness. Actually, her grandmother died in a mental hospital in the late sixties or early seventies.

My daughter has been on medication since she was 15 years old. Actually, she has been supposed to take medication since she was 15, but she would rarely take it as prescribed for more than a month or two at a time. When she is on her medication she is loving, kind, and considerate of others. When she is off her meds she is unruly and takes many risks.

On her 20th birthday she seemed okay and seemd to enjoy the small birthday party her mother had for her. However,later that night she took 2 bottles of medication in an attempt to commit suicide. She woke up sometime during the night and crawled to her mother’s room. Thank God her mother is a light sleeper and was able to get her to the hospital quickly. The doctor’s really did not expect her to live but she did.

After this event she took her meds as prescribed for a few months and then started taking them sporadically again. She just informed me last week that she is pregnant. She is not married and really has not known this guy for very long.

As expected, I am absolutely heartbroken.

As for myself being bipolar, I am only a danger to myself. I could never hurt anyone else. I hate myself so much that I want to die and feel others hate me so much that they want to hurt me. I feel I deserve the pain. I have bruises all over me right now because my husband chewed me out a week ago and I hurt myself because I felt I wasn’t worth the breath I need to stay alive.

Hi Dave, I tried to kill myself at 11, after that the whole world was a mark. Had they cared why overdosed at 11, I would not have shot my sons father, stabbed my daughters father, and a few more marks got between me and a knife. I did not know I was bipolar, my twentys-early thirties, I was horrible. I finally joined a dojo at my 8 year old sons suggestion, I loved to fight. My mom left me in the hospital when I was 11, at 43 I find out I am bipolar, this man hurt my daughter, I walked into mental health and told them lock me up or sadate me i am going to kill someone, I knew this time I would have ended up in jail and my daughter needed me, what was left of me. Thanks Karen

Dave,

My husband has bipolar disorder. I tried for years to tell him that there was something going on. He didn’t believe me and his episodes kept getting worse. I finally asked him to leave in April of this last year. He made a couple of phone calls to talk to people and they finally convinced him that he was bipolar. Anyway, one of his episodes we were out with friends, and there was a scuffle that he felt he needed to “assist”. He started to chest butt this girl. I was shocked. I told him to stop. He told me to F***** shut up. I again was shocked. Well needless to say that was about a week before I asked him to leave… I had never seen him so angry or ever use his size and weight to push around a girl. He is 6’1″ and weighed 250lbs. So there was alot to him. We got into a huge argument when we got home about his behavior towards that girl. I asked him how long it would be before he did that to me.

So, I believe that people with bipolar are very capable of hurting themselves and other people if left untreated.

We are back together and doing very well. He sees a counselor once a week and is taking Lithium for his bipolar. He is a wonderful person and very loving.

I have to thank you for your letters. They are what kept me sane throughout the whole ordeal that lasted several years. Your words of encouragement and positivity kept me hoping that we could get through it..

Thank you so much!!!

Jodi B.

Yes Dave, and other readers, my boyfriend has been very violent a couple of times, he thinks nothing is wrong with him, of course there is, however I told him what I thought he had, of course I’m crazy! (he says) but he broke up some glass Items in the house (his house) wouldn’t let me leave his house for 16 hours Told me he was going to disfigure me, of course screaming and saying bad things to me, it was very scary. I stayed away from him for 10 days, he’s acting much better, but for how long? When there are a lot of people around he thinks were all conspiring against him laughing at him with secret jokes, things like that I do love him very much but he’s very set on the subject nothing is wrong with me! so for now I guess we will see, just be careful I’m sure one can become a victim and never thought it could happen to them I never thought it would happen to me either, hope this doesn’t happen to any one else it’s very hard to look at it as a illness! But I realize it is, to bad he doesn’t! any way he didn’t hurt me physically but emotionally I was a wreck, which might be worse.

My husband i believe has bipolar but has never been treated….when you say “crazy things” 3 weeks ago he abandoned our car on the main highway in the middle of nowhere and began running….he still has not returned….is there a posibility he is still ok? we are trying despretaly to find him …what could have happened…i feel like we are running out of time…if there is still hope that he is out there….

I have been told that my daughter and mother are bi-polar. My daughter was so violent with me and her husband would not let me get her help. They are now seperated. I live in another state, I had to move and I worry about her. She does not speak to me. Every time I try to step in it alienates her further. She had given me whiplash threw a fork at me punched my car window. All after I had an opinion. One I was always sorry for. I am not sure she is bipolar or if she has some type of borderline personality disorder. Getting her treatment seems impossible. I really feel lost as to how best to help her when she is an adult and can refuse any help. Last Christmas was the worst this year I live far but worry about my grandchildren they are living with their dad presently.

My current boyfriend is bipolar, before I met him,I am currently living in Europe,I believe had been suffering from Post traumatic stress syndrome after a series of incidents having a miscarriage and having worked in Lebanon last year in a security capacity and experiencing my friends and love ones being affected by the war the end result for me = depression. My saviour was a new love that gave me hope, but then it was too much emotion for him and he needed time for reflection. I was in the depths of despair when I met what I thought was a wonderful man, but then I soon learned that he was bipolar and then the history of my depression became worse. He was taking medication (tranquilisers) but such high doses he was so out of it, upon my realisation he tried to better himself by stopping, as well as smoking and drinking as well, he appeared to do really well, until I decided to go back to Lebanon to visit my friends who had been injured in the war, and see my friends new baby. My bipolar guy then really showed signs on my return of his condition, especially during a full moon, as I study astrology he is a cancer, rising scorpio and very much affected by the moon, he started to drink and say he was the devil, left the house, like a crazy man, on his return in the middle of the night, he fell asleep in another room not to disturb me, I was woken up by him speaking a form of latin, like in the exorcist, I woke him up and ran to my bedroom holding my pictures of jesus and mary from the church of miracles in Lebanon. He admitted that he enjoyed having an entity in him at times, which challenges me through violence call this an episode. During his episodes he took drugs, drank, lost his laptop on the street, burnt and crashed his fathers boat into other boats for his anger about how his father had treated him in the past. He wanted to go and kill someone and was yelling at people in the street, I took him home and calmed him down. I took some therapy to deal with my constant crying and feelings of abandonment as my boyfriend found more time to be with his friends. I decided to take a holiday alone for 4weeks to get my head back again, the end result he felt rejected, he was about to loose his house and government benefits so he decided to take his tranquilisers and mix with alcohol, again it was a full moon eclipse=3 fulls moons. I was holding the neighbours cat he hit the cat in his anger, I then got upset with him and approached him saying heh, why, did you do that, he told me keep away, I advanced, he got scared as I do security and he thought I would attack him, so he attacked me hitting me nonstop in the head, I fell to the ground blood everywhere, he only stopped because I screamed so much the neighbours yelled out and he ran aways scared. The end result the police and ambulance came and I had 5 stitches to my head.He vouched he had never done that before and would not do it again. During the time I was away, he sold my laptop, took drugs and cut himself and turned my appartment upsidedown looking for evidence believing I was a call girl, rang up all my exboyfriends and numbers he could find in my address books. On my return he was more calm, again apologised but felt he had been abandoned. Again I gave him a chance he managed to get his house back and his benefits he became calm again. The other week I was sick and he came to look after me for 3days I gave him money for to get my medication 2hrs later he disappeared,I found my medication on the front door step,I phoned him 10times, he said he was ashamed I finally convinced him to come and see me, he had used the rest of my money on drugs he bought on the street and he had cut himself as he felt bad, again this was a result of having travelled to see family without him the week before.3days later he had been drinking with a friend said he would come to see me in an hour 5 hours later at 5am in the morning he turned up slightly out of it and was talking to himself, I told him to be quiet at it was late and I was still recovering from being sick, he turned to his small whisky bottle and continued to made noise, I got his drink and threw it down the sink, he then felt harrassed to tried to grab me by the throat twice, I treatened to call the police and told him to leave, I had a panick attack and hyperventilated during all of this at the same time.He calmed down as he did not like the rejection as he had when he was a child being kicked out at 15years old, but been suffering from BP since 4years old since he biological father left the house.He also gave me a 4page letter of how horrible I am, do not deserve to have a boyfriend and friends etc etc. Easy I let him get on with his life,2days later he felt rejected. He takes his tranquilisers to calm him down, but he drinks,I gave him info from Dave’s website to say I do not have the strength to carry on and he has to stop the drugs and drinking or he looses me.He has seen doctors in the past therapy for 3years but they said he knows what he needs.He has managed to get the money from the insurance and not paid the doctors and now no doctors are prepared to see him as he has not paid his bills.On the state doctor to keep him his benefits and his medication.I want to explain that this guy is one of the kindests, sweetest, most loving,generous, loyal to me and his friends when not in mania or drinking or drugs.I study metaphysics and healing they say anything can be healed. I know my guy needs love and not rejection, but through his manipulations, constant arguing,jealousy I have more money than him, he feels worthless and a no body sometimes and too much time to think that I don’t love him and he needs trust etc etc Just when I think I am getting somewhere, I turn in circles??????Thanx Dave your website is just a miracle in itself.

Well, Dave, I’ve never been homicidal or suicidal, so can’t really comment on how I’d act if I stopped taking my meds. However, I KNOW I’m capable of FIGHTING if I don’t get my way when I’m manic.

I had one knock-down-drag-out fight with a boyfriend when he was leaving me. I even tried to punch out his eye! I was single-minded about keeping him, and he (also mentally ill), was single-minded about leaving – he won. After the altercation was over – I became “normal” again…

However, the very next day, I signed myself into a private psyhiatric hospital – I KNEW something was wrong. Before I went to the hospital, though, I tried running down my brother with my car! I was totally OUT OF CONTROL. I scared myself…

I still don’t know where these terrifying feelings came from, but I was diagnosed as manic depressive in 1997, and introduced to Lithium. I was in the hospital for two months – my insurance ran out – and left there in a clinical depression.

I guess feeling “nothing” is bettr than being aggresive and in fighting mode. The depression lasted about a year, until I started taking new meds again.

So – it IS possible for even the most tender-hearted, mild-mannered bipolar survivor to turn mean and “snap.” I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it IS true. Now, if I feel hostile and angry without reason, I call my psychiatrist and she tweaks my meds to rid me of those feelings.

With this disorder, anger, frustration and not taking your meds can lead to catastrophe. If the supporters notice ANY odd behavior in the bipolar survivor, by all means, get them to their doctor or check them into the hospital STAT!

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors, and those who love them. My prayers are with you. Take care, and stay sane!!