Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well.
Guess what? I finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog. Actually Andrea told me how (Andrea works for me).
So I have some pictures of my last hike. One if of a bear that I saw along the way. I was only 15 feet away. Good thing I didn’t get eaten : )
Also I have pictures of the lake that is at the top of the mountain.
You can see them by look at the bottom of my blog.
You have to scroll ALL the way down on the blog post. ALL the way.
Okay, today I wanted to talk about something that’s super important for advertising but it’s a concept that’s perfect for bipolar disorder as well.
In some forms of online advertising, there’s something called “learnings.” Basically it’s a situation where a computer is deciding what types of advertising to buy and at what price.
Over time, the computer is supposed to figure out what’s the best kind to buy at which price. The information that is learned is called “learnings.” I was reminded about this term the other day when I spoke with someone who runs some of my advertising.
This got me to thinking about how important this concept is for bipolar disorder.
The way that someone gets better at being a bipolar supporter or managing the disorder themselves if they have it is by learning what works and doesn’t work over time.
Each time something works, it should be stored in your memory – and each time something doesn’t work, it should be stored as well. After a period of time you can take all your learning and have a smooth running situation.
The problem I have noticed with bipolar disorder is that no one really learns anything. People make the same old mistakes over and over and over again.
Let’s look at some.
A person gets off his/her medication several times over many years each time causing massive problems. Never learning that staying on medication is the key.
A bipolar supporter allows his/her loved one to control everything while they are manic and loses tons of money several times over many years.
A person with bipolar disorder fails to see the doctor with regularity and as a result the medications stop working as well and bad things happen. The person should have learned he/she needs to see the doctor with regularity.
A bipolar supporter makes the mistake of thinking all that has to be done is simply to turn a loved one over to a doctor and everything will work out just right. What he/she should have learned is that this isn’t the case and there are many things that have to be done in concert with working with a good doctor.
Over the years, my family made a HUGE mistake by never learning anything. When I look back, we never ever learned anything from any bipolar episode until like 2005 when we started learning things.
If there were a major episode, no one ever even thought why it happened or how we could have prevented it. We just got by only to have the same things happen again and again.
It’s really dumb if you think about it.
Has this happened to you?
There was this great philosopher named Santayana, and he said that those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Well, I take that one step further. If you don’t learn from your past, and your past mistakes, you’re just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
And with bipolar disorder, those mistakes that you keep making over and over again, whether you’re supporting a loved one with the disorder or you have the disorder yourself, can be very costly.
They can even lead to death, if they involve your medications (and going off them over and over again).
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I stress over and over again that you have to have systems in place for dealing with learning from past episodes, and I teach you exactly how to do this.
If you don’t learn how to use “learnings,”you’re just going to keep repeating the same mistakes, and you will never learn how to manage bipolar disorder. You need to develop your own bipolar learnings!
Dave
Pictures
This is a picture of the lake at the top of the mountain
Here is a picture of the mountains leading to the lake.
Here is a picture of the bear I saw.
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
How do I get a copy of your Bear picture?
Boy oh boy! If only I could veiu da ‘BEAR’???? Or perchance to see the ‘LAKE’?????????????????
It seems like ‘U’ need HELP posting pics. Eh, maybe at some later date can we vue da ‘BEAR’.
Have a beautiful day,
Keep-up the good WORK,
Respectfully yours.
E.F.Yeager
Dear Dave,
Thanks for the quick response. I shall fwrd it to my ‘Brother’.
God Bless,
E.F. Yeager
Hi Dave, thank you for your fast respond, actually I’m asking this on behalf of my staff’s mother.
Her mother just got this BIPOLAR, and she asking me to find this on the web page, I’m so lucky that found your web page, and I will pass this message to her, if possible can you e-mail me more about this?
Your soon reply will be much appreaciated.
Grace Im
p/s: sorry to disturb your way to gym, hope you enjoy your jouney and I wish that you are always in good condition.
bye!
Beautiful photos. They bring peace to the heart, even though I am not actually there. Isn’t the beauty of nature
just beyond words that could be expressed. Thank you for the photos, I was blessed!
Dear Dave: The pix are great! The country up there is truly lovely.
Today’s colum is succinct and to the point, one of the best columns I have seen you write in a while. I save ALL your columns in an email folder to reread or forward appropriately.
Keep up the good work.
I THINK YOUR DOING A WONDERFUL JOB MR. OLIVER SO MANY TIMES WE WORK SO HARD AND SOME PEOPLE THANK YOU BUT WORDS OF INCOURAGEMENT ARE ALWAYS GREAT TO HEAR.
Dear Olivier,
I’ve read some of your articles but I am awkward to respond because I still don’t know if I am really dealing with somebody who’s got bipolar… I’m still into it, BUt thanks sincerely for the news letters which sound personalized and addressed directly to me.
David, I’m really worried about Tried them All. He seems intent on killing himself. He says he has tried everything and doesn’t want ECT. As far as I’m concerned, if I had actually tried EVERYTHING and it didn’t work AT ALL, I would try ECT because it is a last resort. Remember the old saying “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”. My grandfather always used to say that, and he lived to 93.
David, is there any way you can get in touch with this person before they commit suicide. I find it very difficult to read these postings every day and seeing this poor tortured soul’s cry for help. I wish I didn’t live all the way up in Toronto Canada or I’d go there myself and help him!
Dear Tried them All:
I would like to speak with you if you don’t mind. Please email me at doubledee_56@yahoo.ca
Thanks
Diane
Hi Dave,
Nice pictures, keep up the great work. Hey why don’t you post a picture of yourself one of these days…. 🙂
Peace and many blessings,
Filiz
I have had bi-polar since 1985 and have never gone off my meds.
After having several episodes I did learn how VERY important it was to stay on the medicine and be on a routine.
I guess as you educate yourself on bi-polar you DO NOT want to go thru anymore episodes or breakthroughs.
I would love to see a picture of you MR. Oliver, it is is nice to put a name with a face. I have just started reading your blogs and enjoy them so much.
Your pictures are great and your tips on bi-polar are very helpful.
I always said that when I got released from having my breakdowns I would love to help someone else in some way.
Take care and know your doing us all a favor with your encouraging words and tips. And yes we all need praise!! (and love)
Joni
Good morning! My 25 year old daughter is bipolar and has been since childhood. For the longest, I was at a loss as to what to do … how to handle the episodes & then trying to heal in the aftermath of the “cyclone” that hit our home. We’ve been through numerous doctors, medications & hospitalization … I have learned along the way to start looking for “triggers” and to stress the importance of staying on meds and regularly seeing her doctor. Your newsletters filled with helpful information is truly a godsend for those just beginning this roller coaster journey AND for those who have been on that ride for a while. Thank you for all the good work!
Hi Dave,
You hit on a critical piece of information today. I have heard it said that “Anyone can learn from their own mistakes, but a Wise Person learns from the mistakes of others!” I think the hardest part of dealing with bipolar was getting educated about the fact that it is what I had! I was seeing psychologists and therapists for over a decade and none of them picked up on it. I was seeing psychiatrist for about 4 years before even one of them picked up on it! You are providing a great service to everyone by being “BipoarMan” as apposed to “SuperMan”. I would say you are the “SuperHero” of bipolar disorder. You and your educational packages have helped me tremendously. This blog and your Inner Circle Forum at: http://www.bipolarinnercircle.com/phpbb3/index.php has helped me feel less like I am a sore thumb and more like I am a normal person with a disorder like a cancer, or diabetes, rather than some defective goof who can’t do anything right!
I really appreciate your information and teaching us your learnings, you are like the computer program that is out there scouring the world for information to help us, and it is working. Way to Go! You are a hero in my book. Someone who has given their life to help others survive a life and death situation. It would be nice to see someday, just how many people you have saved, and helped along this journey you have chosen as a path in life!
Thanks A Million,
Bob
David, I forgot to tell you, the pictures are amazing. We have bears here too in Canada, but not in Toronto! Most are up in Northern Ontario or out in the western provinces.
To stress the importance of taking meds…My doctor just upped my dosage of Depakote two weeks ago. This morning I realized I had forgotten to pick up my prescription last night, and there were no pills left, and I had to go to work! Instead of leaving the meds, I had my boyfriend go and pick them up for me (I phoned the drugstore), and come IN THE POURING RAIN to my work ON THE BUS to bring them to me! I would not even consider not taking them for even one day, because I don’t want to break the cycle of taking them regularly, and they have helped me soooo much.
Can someone tell me if it’s normal for a BP person (who is in an episode) to self mutilate. I have a friend who (when in an episode) pulls out her hair, bangs her head on the door over and over, pounds her fists on a concrete floor…She hurts herself real bad…is this bipolar or is this something else?
I agree with the topic for today. Seems like for me tho its hard. I often don’t take my meds at the same time each day or sometimes forget one. I have triggers I can’t keep away from me. My husband could but dosen’t. I don’t feel like going to therapy sometimes because my particular one dosen’t always help me and I leave mad and it turns into and episode the rest of the day. I always think in my head I’m going to keep a daily record of my day, you know thoughts and feelings but if I don’t write it at that second it dosen’t happen and those thoughts and feelings are lost. Over the past week I’ve had alot thrown at me in life that I’m having a hard time dealing with and no support. I’m tired of feeling so messed up in life, not being a normal person.
To Misty: Ahh, those triggers. There are so many of them it seems. Though I take my meds religiously, there are certain things that ALWAYS seem to push my buttons and make me react negatively. Example: I absolutely have NO patience for waiting in line-ups, especially at the grocery store, when the clerk is extra slow, price-checks, wrong prices, customer arguing over a price, etc. etc. Since I am now acutely aware of that trigger, I either take someone else with me to talk pleasantly to me and distract me while I’m in the lineup or, pick up a magazine and read it while I’m waiting. Secondly, I take a bus to and from work every day, and it seems there is always someone rude or thoughtless on there that causes me to say some comment that I shouldn’t. So now I take a Walkman and a magazine or book on the bus for a distraction. From what I know from talking to other bipolar people, plus my own experience, there will ALWAYS be triggers to set you off if you have b/p, despite the med’s. You have to be hyper aware of what they are and either avoid them, or if they cannot be avoided, have a plan in place to deal with them.
I have told my “loved one” exactly what he does to push my buttons, and warned him fairly that if he deliberately does them anyway, to be prepared for the consequences (me reacting negatively). If he accidently does it, I simply say “Hon, you’re pushing my buttons” and he will usually stop. If he doesn’t stop and i get angry, he realizes he should have stopped and won’t do it again for a while, at least.
If you have bipolar disorder, you owe it to yourself and your loved one(s) to LET THEM KNOW what they do to trigger anger or irritability in you, so they can at least be aware and not be surprised next time when you react to something they have said, done or not done!
Dear Mr Oliver,
I found your site yesterday and I was so happy that it brought tears to my eyes, knowing that my husband of 20 years has been dealing with bipolar. I tried to get him help and to no avail. I cried even more because as good as your book sounds I can’t even afford it. Thanks for the computer at work that I can find your free posting. Thanks I don’t feel so alone.
Dave, these blogs that give personal experiences and day to day information (LEARNINGS) are what I needed especially starting early May. They serve multiple purposes depending on the person.
As a supporter up until 7/15/08 when my darling fiance Carl ended his pain forever, I was searching to find how to help him on a day to day basis. So deeply depressed, I needed to know what to say, what not to say (in theory, of course) what to look for as in suicidal thoughts. How do you know when the loved one can’t even or won’t talk to you.
He had battled this in isolation for 7 years until we met. I was not with him daily but at least two and three times each week. He went into depression early May and was seeing his pdoc biweekly. Pdoc would tweak his meds and he seemed to be making a tiny turn toward coming out of it. I had only been with him since January and the mania phase was very mild. He (while I was there) took his meds, went to bed on time every night, kept his routine.
I had no way of knowing he would do this. I was told by a pnurse that sufferers plan what they’re going to do long before they do it and when they get strong enough to carry it out, that’s when it happens. This is one opinion, I don’t know if it’s true or not.
We, especially NEW supporters, need to know immediately upon being exposed to supporting our friend or loved one with the disorder the most critical things to know to prevent them from taking their lives if at all possible. If this preplanning was true, I’d have been with him and never given him the opportunity to carry it out.
Now I’m on a grief for suicide survivors support group. I just so wish I could turn the clock back…. For all the supporters out there these learnings Dave is taking about are critical. I just hope you have time to get enough of them to help you. It seems everything I needed came just a little too late. Don’t let that happen to you. This is a grief unlike any I’ve ever known and I’ve been around for many years.
God bless each of you whether suffering or supporting. You are in my Prayers. Carlann
Good Morning, David,
You can’t know how much I would love to buy your information; however my husband and I are elderly, 78 and 82, and our fixed income barely gets us through the month. We have had some unfortunate and unforseen expenses that have put us in deep debt. For that reason we cannot afford to make any more purchases at this time. Not only would I love to get all of the material you have put together, but I wish, also, that my health were good enough that I could apply for one of the positions you have open. I would really love working inthe mental health field. I have worked many years in administrative positions and loved my work; I have also done a lot of volunteering in the mental health field. I miss all of that greatly.
The first thing I do each morning is open my email to find your wonderful newsletters. They encourage me to “keep going”. Right now my son has overdosed on his meds in an effort to kill himself. This has happened so many times, I couldn’t even count them. He was extremely intelligent in his early years and through two years of college when he became ill and was diagnosed a paranoid schizophrenic. He was totally devastated, and
to make matters worse, his beautiful wife divorsed him and took away his beloved two-year old son. He eventually got hooked on crack cocain. We finally got him off of that stuff, but he continues to want to die and continues to overdose on his meds. I am so stressed out that I can hardly function. As I said, your daily newsletters do encourage me to believe that things are going to get better, and your great suggestions have helped me through some difficult days.
Please forgive me for the negative tone of this email — and remember that I will continue to “hang in there”. Thanks for listening.
ps: I didn’t find your pictures. There are still many things about the computer that I don’t know how to do.
Does anyone with BP get triggered enough and get angry enough where they will self inflict pain? Does anyone hurt themselves?
To Brad:
No, not me personally, but I know of bipolar people who do this. Apparently it takes their focus off all the pain they are feeling inside, and refocuses it on the immediate physical pain they are causing themselves. It can be a part of the LONG list of bipolar symptoms. As with any other symptoms, of course medication will provide relief.
thanks for all the information. it really helps me out alot to understand bipolar people and everything.. i did a essay on bipolar people i just hope it passes me into the next sememter.. keep up the good work.. also wow nice view of everything thanks for sharing it
filiz, with all the (undeserved) hate mail David gets, I think it would wise NOT to post a picture of himself, lest a nutter takes shots at him!
Learning from mistakes? Too damn true.
It can also be helpful to analyse WHY a person may make the same mistakes over again. There can be many reasons, most of which I don’t know. But I can give you a couple or so examples.
1. Self Talk/negative expectations. If you run down a race track and think you will fall over, 99% certain you WILL fall over. If you think you’ll screw up your treatment plan, you probably will screw it up. But if you run down the track and think you won’t fall over … you might still fall over but the chances are you won’t. Ditto treatment plan – if you think you’ll stick with it, you probably will. So, if you’re on the negative trip, thinking you will not stick to the plan, challenge yourself: Why shouldn’t I stick to it? What’s to stop me? Why do I think I’m different from everyone else, that they stick to theirs and I think I can’t?
2. Negative expectations of the Supporter. If your supporter has no faith in you sticking to your treatment, you think “… they may be right …” and so you don’t. As above, challenge your own negative expectations, and if the Supporter says “you won’t” pass the up ‘cos they’re a cr@p supporter if they talk you down.
Think you can, good chance you will. Think you won’t, you probably won’t.
3. Call for help/attention: “It’s (the treatment or support) not happening! (No one is listening to me!) If I go off my treatment plan people will finally take notice because I’ll start doing crazy thing and they will HAVE to take notice…”
4. Treatment is distressing: “The ‘cure’ is worse than the illness…” I always feel better when I don’t take the meds….” And “…I don’t have the courage to tell the doc’ my med hurts me…”
5. Warped notions/poor advice: “My pastor says my BP is due to my lack of faith in God. I must put my trust in God by stopping taking the meds because, with His love, I won’t need them … ”
There’ll be more reasons.
igure out why you/your loved one may be slipping back all the time, repeating the same mistakes and try to address the reason, not just the symptom of it.
Dear “Tried Them All”:
Are you out there? I gave you my e-mail address (susandrn@yahoo.com), but I haven’t heard from you. I’m going to keep checking this blog all evening, as well as my e-mails.
I heard that you have a very specific plan, the means to carry it out, and a date. That’s bad enough. But when I heard that you feel a great sense of “relief”, I became extremely concerned. I think I told you that I was a psychiatric RN. I was trained to assess how serious someone’s suicidality is. First is a past history of attempts (I don’t know if you have, and that’s not always the case, but it can mean more danger). Next is whether there is a plan, whether you have the means to carry out the plan, and how specific it is. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that, just before someone commits suicide, they actually do experience a sense of emotional relief. They’ve been struggling with their issues and depression, and now they’ve made a definite decision, and a sense of peace comes over them. They have found the way out of their pain. Just wondering – have you been writing any notes? Have you been giving some of your things away to people? (or have you written a will?). Is there a special reason why you have chosen the day that you have?
This is deadly serious, literally. You have spoken of your feelings, but not much about what’s going on in your life. I get the impression that you feel you’ve tried and nothing’s going to work, and I get the feeling that you are having problems financially and maybe health insurance issues. If that is the case, it is not a good reason to kill yourself. There are other avenues of help. You said you’re sick of it – you’re done. I get it. As I told you, I felt the way you did just last week. But would you please contact me? It wouldn’t hurt to talk it over. I promise I’ll listen.
Love, Sue
Its real hard to do your program when you don’t even have five dollars to your name to get the things you need. Also when the person that has bipolar just won’t help you help them. What do you do? Please give me a response. Thank you Arthon1955319@yahoo.com
you are blessed by having so many good people around you, they have great respect for you.
Keep up the good work, you are very much appreciated. May our GOD richly bless you as you continue to do his will & help so many people.
GOD’S BLESSINGS always,
Marie.
Dear Brad:
I was a psychiatric RN for a long time, and I want to address your question about self-mutilation. Dave can correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s my understanding that “cutting” behavior (and I’ve seen people burn themselves with cigarettes and do all sorts of self-destructive stuff) is pretty diagnositic of someone who has borderline personality disorder. This is a disorder that can coexist with bipolar disorder and other diagnoses.
I’m taking a wild guess – is the person that is exhibiting these behaviors a younger person (teenager or very young adult)? That is the most common age group.
Diane was right when she explains why people cut – patients have told me that they’re in so much emotional pain, and that when they cut it seems to relieve the emotional pain to some extent. Specifically, they’ve often told me that actually seeing the blood flow gives them the relief, as if the
emotional pain is coming out with the blood.
This is a very difficult condition to treat. To my knowledge, there are no medications that are effective against self-mutilation. The best hope for people like this is in cognitive therapy with a very qualified and compassionate therapist.
Hope that helps.
Dave – sometimes there are times when I (a person with bipolar), can do EVERYTHING (take meds religiously, get enough sleep, go to appts., etc.), and there WILL be “triggers” that throw me into an episode.
Right now, I feel like I am on “the edge.” It started last week, when I had a “numb” hand and could barely type. I emailed my friend, Sue, who was a nurse, and she was sooo helpful in telling me what to watch for in case of a stroke. It felt like my hand was “asleep,” and lastedl 36 hours! Then, yesterday, I had to wake up at 6 and get ready to get a blood test at my Community Mental Health center at 9; but didn’t get to sleep on time. I hastily locked myself OUT of my apartment!! Fortunately, I had a “Hide-A-Key” and a wonderful guy helped me work it and I got back to get my keys.
Now, this morning, I had three alarms set for 4 this morning (and a friend was supposed to call me at 6 – but didn’t), so I could make it to a mystery shop by 7. I didn’t HEAR the alarms, so woke up at 7:30! I was taking a friend, and we had to coordinate what time to be picked up.
I’m telling you all this to let you know – there are times when ALL the preparation, and following “learnings,” DON’T work, precisely because there are things that happen outside our control. So, now, I’m TWO days into not getting enough sleep, and I feel I’m toooo busy – with appts, with “shops,” with surveys, etc. I feel I’m in a “pressure cooker” and the thing is set to “blow!” It has shown up in my being slightly hypomanic; THAT I CAN control.
I’ll go to bed early tonight, and get up LATE tomorrow morning. It is said that you CAN replenish lost sleep, so that’s what I’m going to do. All the “learnings” in the world can’t prevent an episode when outside influences are beyond your control.
I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow afternoon, so I can sleep until Noon. I STILL have the tax debt looming; I STILL have intractable pain; I’m STILL trying to get a HUGE debt repaid. But – with the help of the Good Lord – I’m “maintaining” and hopefully, can nip this hypomania in the bud!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Hello there,
I am a 38 year old Bipolar survivor living in Australia thankyou for your messages they are a great help.
I was only diagnosed 2 years ago follwing a significant manic episode and after a decade of misdiagnosis. Rather than be upset about the diagnosis I felt a great relief to finally be able to make sense of what I was experiencing. I continue to struggle with the guilt of the hurt that I caused to my loved ones during my episodes. I am very compliant with whatever my psychiatrist recomends and have never contemplated not taking my medication.
However I just cant let go of the feeling that i have let down the people I love through my reckless behaviour.
To JENNIE: My advice to you is: don’t beat yourself up over your behavior duringi a manic episode. I’ve done some pretty awful stuff when I’ve been manic, and there’s no salvation except to confess your actions, and ask forgiveness of those you’ve hurt – unless you just ask forgiveness of the Lord, and He will take them, and wash you clean as snow. You are NOT held accountable for what you do during an episode; and I’m sure your loved ones will understand that. Just start over – tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Wipe the slate clean – and forget about it.
It’s hard NOT to remember the bad acts we’ve committed, but that is in the PAST, and you have an illness. Does someone apologize for diabetes? Of course, bipolar is a mental disorder and we DO do some things we’re not proud of – but just continue to improve, and you’ll find it all recedes into the past.
Dave –
Wow! The pictures are beautiful…thanks so much for sharing them. Looking at them remind me of where I grew up in Virginia. The landscape is very similar in the Shenendoah Valley.
On another note…I sent a resume’ several days ago for one of the available positions you posted. Have you filled the position or are you still reviewing applicants?
Hope to hear back from you soon. Thanks in advance,
NaTasha
Sue/Suzanne,
No, I have NOT written a will, and NO I have not given any belongings away because I don’t have any. It would cost more to write a will than what I own. But, good you asked.
Yes, I am feeling relief. I am telling people who I care about ‘goodbye.’ I am at peace. Soon, so soon. Good observations, thanks
No, this is not going to end. I have to put an end to it. Think you know what I mean by that!
Jennie
Suzanne is right – don’t beat up on yourself because it’s not “you” who does the bad stuff – it’s BP!
Of course, people should be able to forgive what the BP does but it/;s not possible for many to do so because what has been said cannot be unsaid, and they will believe the BP unlocks one’s inhibitions so you say that you REALLY think! And maybe there is SOME truth in that! But it’s not the whole truth because, when we are in those kinds of states, we see the world and the people in it differently to how we see them when we are stable or even, when we are at the end of the OTHER mood!
But if friends and family cannot accept what you do when in an episode, they are no good to you as supporters. It is not THEIR fault, it is not yours! You do them no good and they do you no good. So, move on and find others who are more understanding. Leave the others behind for their AND YOUR OWN inner peace.
(PS. I’m still frigging cycling, folks! Oh what fun … not!)
hi david,
thankx for the mail it keep me inspiring..last night i went to see my doc with my wife and daughtet 1.2 year The doc says to stay in same sedule and meet me in 4 month if nothing terrible hapen between he put me in 12.5 paroxitine in morning and 10 mg olanzapine which i am having 7.5 and 25 mg imipramine. the doc was upset when i said i have a compulson in gambling and goes to casino regularly thats why she put me to 10 mg olanzapine …is it a necessary effect of bipolar to be a compulsive gambler or something new..please reply and give istruction i have lost the lot more than i could earn
To Carlann: Thank you for sharing your pain on losing your loved one to suicide, my deepest sympathy goes to you Carlann. My husband is bipolar but refuses to get help and in the past has moved away when doctor recommended medication.
This last episode started in December 2007when he threw the dishes and fork into the sink in a fit of anger and then put his hand into the sink and the fork with tines up stuck in the palm of his hand. It seems that from that time on it escalated to the point that he became extremely abusive verbally and physically and we had to separate in June of this year. Right now it appears that he has gone from the manic to the euphoria state – I am learning from Dave how to distinguish symptoms. I am not good at being a supporter and I wish I could be. So far I have been able to learn to keep track of his expenses as he goes into outrageous spending sprees. There is no talking to him as he doesnt listen or reason and just gets angrier. He has to dominate his wife completely for him to feel good about himself. I need help because I do love him and want him to get well and learn to manage things for himself. Please help me. Natalie
Thank you for any help you can give me Dave. Natalie
Please delete the first message and just keep the second one and the last about thanking you. Natalie
I happen to be one of those people that spent several years in a state of denial of my manic depression and or bipolar disorder. It took me almost all of my life to come to terms with the disease. I like you said in your report have spent years going on and off medications.(lithium was the easiest to drop because of my gall bladder trouble.) I have now learned to stay on my abilify and paxil. with staying on my meds, I now do alot better. I am able to return to school and actually study. Its harder on my to sit still because on top of being bi-polar, I also have attention deficeit disorder.( thats more then likely mispelled.) But I have learned to except the idea that I need to stay on medication. In A report that you had emaile d me the other day you asked were you helping people. I thought that you should know that you have helped me. Your articles are should we say great. I am glad that I get the emails from you. Keep up the good work and do like me ……Do not worry about not helping you do.
I think that LEARNING is key. I had a sister that passed away at 34, and she suffered with bipolar. I tried to learn what I could to help her, but had no idea I suffered from the same disorder. The more I helped her the worse I seemed to get. I found out that if the whole family doesn’t LEARN than you can be making things worse for the person suffering. No one said anyhting to me, or I might not have been listening, that I was changing while helping my sister. After she passed away in 2006, I had let my children go live with their father, who never cared about their well being, only his. I lost the man I was in a 4 year relationship with, and my family blamed me that I didn’t help my sister more. That was when my friends and ex boyfriend went to my Dr with me and explained what was going on. All I wanted was to die, but take my children with me, because I saw how hard it was for my sisters small children without their mommy. It was sad that my family didn’t take an interest in LEARNING about this disorder, but thank god my friends had. I might not be here to tell you how important I feel it is to get someone who cares for you to LEARN what they can to help you. You all have to be willing to work together to help the person with bipolar. I have bad days, but both my children now know the signs that I am sliding into depression, and we have key words that remind me to take a look at things before they get to bad. My children have LEARNED some keys that would help me.
Thank You for letting me share.
David,
Thank you so much for the pictures of the bear and the lake. They are both beautiful. And thank you also for all the great information you send out for both people with Bipolar as well as supporters. Every time I read it I learn more. You are perfectly equipped for teaching me and anyone else interested. Keep up the great work!
I could only see the pics once I clicked on the link to post a comment. Then I got to the Blog. The pics did not show on the regular email. I was going to say, “Hey, where are the pictures?”…so maybe you need help getting them to the email.
About “learnings”…I’ve done mine, but now I’m trying to get those around me and health insurance companies to realize that I am better served by their support, not by their sabotage!
Hi David, this is Vicky here. I am a supporter of a bipolar person, my son who is 41 years old. What d you do if the person gets violent a whole lot of the time. He says he hates me and always has, he blames me for everything that goes wrong, He accuses me of everything in the world. He is on medicine by it has not worked the way it should. They have tried a lot of different medicines on him, in fact some of the medicine almost killed him. He hates his life and his bipolar. I feel so sorry for him, because he is so miserable inside. He shot himself with a shotgun and almost died ten years ago. He gets very violent a lot of the time. I know he needs to live with me at the present time because of money problems, which we both are on social security and can’t afford anything. But I am at my ropes end with the violence. He controls everything from a to z. It is very hard living day to day. I will not call the police on him Do you know of any medicines that he can talk to his doctor about. We have to stick with the doctor because no other ones take medicare at the Health Home he goes to. I hope you can help, for I save everyone of your emails. They are so true so so helpful on the true way of a bipolar person. Please keep up on all your work and emails to all us people out here that has to deal with all this. Even though I don’t know how you do it. Don’t let any bad letters you get, get you down. Respectfully, Vicky
My husband has been bipolar since the age of fourteen. At least that is when it was diagnosed. We have been married almost 11years now and he won’t stay on his meds. He hit me recently for wanting to spend more time with him. He moved a bunch of kids he barely knows into our house and lets them have full access to everything. We are two months behind in rent and he depleted our savings helping these kids.I have threatened to leave if these kids don’t or if he doesn’t get help. He said he would kill himself if I left. Help Me
I really don’t want to lose my husband either. I love him more than life itself. My family keeps telling me that my marriage isn’t worth saving, because my husband won’t help himself. He borrows money and never pays it back. If i complain about these kids that are under age, most of them, drinking, smoking, and or using my things,clothes, shoes, I am a big bitch and the kids hate me. They are not my kids. I wish my husband could understand that i can’t handle the stress anymore and these kids need to move out. I want my marriage to work. I AM NOT WORKING TO SUPPORT THESE PEOPLE. I want my normal family back. My husband has also let these kids be disrespectful to me in my own home. I need help. My husband needs to get on his medication and talk to a counselor or my marriage will end badly. I subscribed to this course to get help. HELP ME PLEASE. I can’t live like this anymore. i really do live with Dr. Jeckell and Mr Hyde. He says he loves me, but if I mention the kids moving out or the fact we don’t send time together anymore he gets angry and says all i do is complain. I seriously need help or I will wind up losing everything. My Marriage,my house, my animals, my money, the love of my life, and i don’t want to start over. I want the man i married back and better. Please contact me if you all can help.
Hello.
Sorry for delay.
I like your jokes & lessons.
Very nice bear. Is it yours?
And the mountain lake. Very nice too…
I found a picture with a a lake placed somewhere in the plain…
I pasted it, can you see? Scroll the way, up or down, until you see it.
If you have money, you can buy a swimming-pool and forget the lake.
Of course, a lot of money to maintain it, because it’s artificial.
See you soon.
Thanks for the wonderful pictures, David
I currently have a daughter in jail. She has Schizophernia. She was off her meds I guess and so….didn’t know what she was doing. I am learning
from this and it’s a good lesson although mentally painful. Thanks for the comment that not taking meds can lead to death.
Thanks for your informative work and understanding
C
I tried to do that to see the bear, as such, but my computer even though it has adobe capabilities, didn’t down load the pictures, I don’t know why. It didn’t like the gold bar thing to have to work with and I got a warning with it. So decided to not try to cause any problems. Sorry, I would have liked to have seen the pictures. T.C.
I feel so bad for all of you, but there is very little you can do to help somebody who does not want to help them selves.
You actually maybe doing more harm than help.
Support should not come at the risk of enabling someone.
Support is being there for someone. You must be consistent. If you are not, the person that you are trying to help…….will never have a consitant thought that they need help
GOOD LUCK!
PS
I dont know if I’d call those MOUNTAINS
they look more like HILLS
People being desperate can be good, but it can also make you very weak and vulnerable to minipulation……by the ones you try to help and the ones you think are trying to help you!
Try to be STRONG……as it is the best option!
When I was FINALLY diagnosed as having bipolar 11 year ago, it was a huge relief, but I never had the crushing episodes of depression until AFTER I was put on meds. I was manic 70% of the time and it was great. That probably explains the triple major and graduating early from college. After graduation my mom made me see a psychiatrist after she asked me what drugs I was on. I was not on drugs – just manic.
The doctor hospitalized me and put me on Depakote. It worked great. I was in the hospital for 5 days that time. But I left stable. I was furious with the doctor for taking my manic away because that was how I had functioned since high school. But when I was in the hospital, it was explained to me that taking my medicine to control my moods is no different than if I had diabetes and needed insulin.
How many people take meds every day for things like cholesteral, diabetes, or high blood pressure?
I have ALWAYS taken my meds because I know what will happen if I don’t. I’ve actually written a list of triggers and keep a copy where I can find it, and given a copy to my mom. Unfortunately, my wonderful husband does not believe I have bipolar because I my meds make my moods blessedly stable. He is Indian, and I have moved to India from Arizona to be with him. I’m trying to teach him about the illness so he can help me if I were to need it.
For Suzanne E, you CANNOT help some one who does not want to help themselves. Just like you cannot force an alcoholic to stop drinking, you cannot make some one take their meds or even help themself. Get counseling for yourself. If you don’t want to talk to a counselor, talk to a good friend.