Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. It’s about what happens when you try to accomplish too much too fast. Think about it. When you try to accomplish too much too fast, you are just setting yourself up for failure, because you’ll never be able to do it. It can also get very frustrating and discouraging for you. Also, if you don’t know how long something should take, you can start to think it’s taking too long.

For example, after an episode. It could take up to a year to fully “fix” the after-effects of an episode. Like the financial ruin – you can’t fix a bankruptcy in just two weeks! But if you were to hear some people tell it, you’d think you can just do it overnight! We don’t rush the stroke victim or even the cancer victim, so why do we rush the victim of bipolar disorder? Thinking that they should be over an episode after just a week or two is just plain having unrealistic expectations sometimes. Would we have that same expectation if they were getting over a physical illness? Then why are we expecting it from them when it comes to a bipolar episode?

In my research, I have interviewed people who are success stories. And they talk about how long it took them sometimes to fully recover from some of their episodes. Some of them say it took a whole year, and some of them say it took even longer!

There are certain things in life that take a certain amount of time to happen. It’s just the way it has to be. Like getting through school, for example. It’s not something that can be rushed. You just have to go through it. Think about things in nature. Like the butterfly – It starts off as a caterpillar…Then it goes into a cocoon… And only after a certain period of time does it change into that beautiful butterfly! It just doesn’t happen overnight. And if you interrupt it at any point in the chain of events, the whole thing would be ruined! Some things just can’t be rushed. Other things just have to take place in a certain order. And still other things have to take place at a certain time.

Wanting your loved one who has bipolar disorder to get over their episode overnight is like wanting them to be that beautiful butterfly without going through the cocoon phase! Some things are just worth waiting for. You just have to be more patient sometimes. And I know that isn’t easy, because it wasn’t easy for me. Sometimes it takes time for your loved one and their doctor to find the right medications for them to be on. It definitely takes time for your loved one to make the changes they learn about in therapy. But as long as they are making strides toward stability, you can be encouraged that someday they will reach it. Yes, it will take patience on your part. But it will be worth it in the end. You’ll see…Your loved one’s stability will turn out to be one of those things in life that will have been worth waiting for.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

There were these kids playing in the park one day. Well, one of the kids messed up. And he yelled: “DO OVER!” And he got to take his turn again, just because he yelled that. In other words…He got a second chance to do it right. That’s what a “do over” is. Don’t you wish that we had do overs as adults these days? We sure could use them sometimes. Like when you mess up at work. Do over! Or when you say something you shouldn’t say. Do over! Or when you do get that speeding ticket that you wish you hadn’t gotten. Do over! Or like with bipolar disorder…

When you get into that inevitable fight with your loved one that you know you shouldn’t have let yourself get into. Do over!

As adults, we don’t usually get do overs. We just have to pay the consequences of our mistakes.

But there is a way to avoid wanting to have do overs when it comes to bipolar disorder. There’s something that I call the Post Episode Analysis. The Post Episode Analysis helps you to keep from making the same mistakes over and over again. So you wouldn’t need a do over. This is how it works: After your loved one’s bipolar episode, you sit down with them, and the two of you together analyze that bipolar episode. You ask yourselves things like: What did we do wrong? What did we do right? What warnings did we miss? What should we have done that we didn’t do? What did we do that we shouldn’t have done? Is there something we could have done earlier than we did? What could we have done differently? What would we do if we had a chance to do it all over again? And things like that.

This way you know how to avoid the mistakes you made for the next episode. And you won’t make them again. You’ll do things differently. Hopefully, you’ll do things better. Hopefully, you’ll even catch the episode before it happens. Because you should know what to look for.

You’ll have discovered what your loved one’s particular signs and triggers are. So this way you can be more vigilant in the future. A Post Episode Analysis can be a good predictor for the future, because it helps you to evaluate the past.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I heard a quote the other day that I wanted to share with you: “Unless you change how you are, you’ll always have what you’ve got.” I really like that quote. I think it can easily be applied to bipolar disorder, too. Too many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters get to the point that they take their condition for granted. In other words, they stop being vigilant with the disorder. They get in a rut. Nothing’s bad, but nothing’s really good, either. Just a kind of “in between” state, where nothing changes.

Like another quote that I’ve heard: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Think about it. Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting a loved one with it, this can apply to you. But you don’t have to stay that way. As a matter of fact, staying that way can really go against you. You have to continually maintain stability and change what needs to be changed in order to do that. Even if what needs to be changed is yourself. Nobody can do that for you – you have to do it for yourself. Other people may notice what needs to be changed – they might even tell you what needs to be changed. But it’s up to you whether you take their advice. You are the one who, in the end, has to do the work involved in the change process.

There are some things you have control over, and other things you don’t. For example, you don’t have control over the fact that you or your loved one has bipolar disorder. Therefore, you can’t change it. But you can change how you react to it. First of all, you need to change the way you think about the disorder in relation to yourself: Instead of saying, “I am bipolar,” try saying, “I have bipolar.” There is a big difference. In the first case, you’re identifying with the disorder, and it can have control over you instead of the other way around, because you believe it is what you ARE. In the second case, you are acknowledging that you have this disorder, but you are in control of it instead of it being in control over you, because you believe it is what you HAVE (and not who you are). The difference is knowing who you are outside the disorder, and it can make a big difference in how you think about yourself.

You know how I like expressions that apply to bipolar disorder. Here’s another one that applies to what I’m talking about: “We can have more than we’ve got because we can become more than we are.” Can you see how that applies to bipolar disorder? It’s all in how you think about yourself. You don’t have to let the bipolar disorder dictate who you are. You can be/become more than what the disorder makes you. In other words…You can rise above it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews610/

Lark Voorhies, Bipolar Disorder: ‘Saved By The Bell’ Actress Makes Bizarre …
DO> Is this actress really suffering from bipolar? You judge.

Author SJ Hart to speak about bipolar disorder at Springfield College …
DO> This article talks about Hart, her disorder, her family, and her book.

Bipolar Disorder Myths and Realities
DO> This expert answers some very important questions about bipolar disorder you might want to know.

Study testing aspirin as bipolar disorder treatment
DO> Surprising new possible treatment for bipolar disorder.

Unclear if Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. will return to Congress: friend
DO> More news on Rep. Jackson.

Autism may be linked to schizophrenia
DO> Autism may be linked to bipolar, too, according to this article.

Pauley works to destigmatize mental illness
DO> Pauley talks about her bipolar as an advocate for mental illness.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews610/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

I hope you’re in one of the areas not affected by this recent hurricane. But if you are, you may be dealing with it like I am. See, I am in one of the areas affected by it. And it’s amazing to see how different people are reacting to it. Some people are actually even panicking, if you can imagine that! It’s terrible! So many people just were not expecting it to be this bad. Even with all the warnings we had. Even with all the time we had to get prepared. You should see the stores – All the shelves are bare! There’s no bread, milk or water to be found. And barely any other food, either. Those who were smart, stocked up when the hurricane warnings were first issued. Now there is: Massive flooding…Power outages…No gas…No food or water…And many people who were unprepared.

You need to be prepared, not just for hurricanes, but for “bipolar storms” as well. I always prepare even if it might not happen. Like I was prepared for this hurricane, getting food and water, gas, and extra candles ahead of time. The way I look at it, preparation and prevention are always cheaper than fixing stuff after the fact. Like with bipolar…If you watch for signs and symptoms of an oncoming bipolar episode, you can prevent it, and then you don’t have to deal with a full-blown episode after the fact. That’s so much easier, isn’t it? And after a while it becomes a pattern. Just the way you do things.

IF you aren’t prepared, you have to get creative. For example, like with this hurricane…Some people with limited food decided to walk to the store (since they couldn’t drive). Some decided to eat less (since they had limited food) so they could lose weight. You need to always look for the good, even in storms. It sounds crazy but I met several people excited that they had less food, because it was an excuse for them to start their diet. Others were excited that they didn’t have to go to work. Some were excited just to walk around all day. Others were happy to take advantage of the time to spend with their families, sharing intimate times, quiet time with family and local friends with no cell phones or TV or Internet to bother them.

When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder…You always need to be prepared ahead of time.

Like with medications. Always make sure that your loved one’s medication is refilled ahead of time. Like what if you were caught in this hurricane like I am, and couldn’t get to the store to get medication? You should always have an Emergency Plan in place of what to do also in case your loved one goes into a bipolar episode. This should be prepared together when your loved one is not in an episode. Then you’ll know what to do in case they do go into one.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I read the news a lot, and so I’ve read about people with mental illness, not just bipolar disorder, getting killed by the police because the police misunderstand the situation, or they just don’t know that the person has bipolar disorder (or some other mental illness). I read the headlines. I read a lot of headlines from all across the globe. I stay informed. I also post them on my website, so that you can stay informed, too. This is really important to me, because when I

started bipolarcentral.com, one of the most important things to me (and it still is) was to educate people about bipolar disorder. So I put up the Bipolar News on the website as one of the ways to do that. Anyway, sometimes I’m accused of posting only bad news, and some people really, really don’t like that, and they tell me so. But I tell them that even if you were to read just your own paper, or turn on the news on your local TV station, you would see all this bad news, too. It’s just all around us, unfortunately.

I just pick out the stories that apply to bipolar disorder, because those are the ones that you are interested in reading about. In my defense against those people who accuse me of only printing bad news, well, I don’t. I print all the news I can find that has to do with bipolar disorder. My intent, just like it always was, is just to inform. Unfortunately, I guess these people are kind of right. I wish there were more positive news about bipolar disorder. That’s what one of the things is about my mission is. I want people to learn more about bipolar disorder so that they will become more educated and not be so afraid of people who have the disorder. If people are more educated, they won’t be so afraid. Then, maybe, we won’t see so many tragic headlines.

Speaking of sad stories, at one time there was a headline found in New Jersey that hit home for me. Yea, it was really sad. But it has a bipolar lesson to it, so I have to share it with you.

Michele who works for me, her cousin’s 23-year-old son was shot and killed by the police. He had a knife, and was surrounded by a squad of police, and they just shot first. Unfortunately, what the headlines didn’t say was that Jake had bipolar disorder and was in a manic episode at

the time, because he hadn’t been taking his medication. Now, you’re familiar with bipolar disorder. You do understand that, in a manic episode, your loved one is not in their right mind. They aren’t thinking rationally. Who knows if Jake even understood what was happening to him? The point was, here was this young man, surrounded by all these police, all these guns pointed at him, and he probably didn’t even know what was happening. And there was no one there to intervene on his behalf.

In some types of bipolar disorder, the person can become violent during an episode. They may have hallucinations or delusions during an episode and not know what they’re doing, and it may lead to some type of violence. Even if they don’t have this type of bipolar disorder, their disorder may change somewhere down the line, and they may become violent. So whether your loved one has ever been violent before or not, you need to be aware of what to do if they ever do become that way. Even if they don’t become actually violent, there may come a time when they are so out of control and you are so afraid that you have to involve the police. Or maybe you’re not even so afraid for yourself, but for your loved one.

Sometimes, in an episode, a person with bipolar disorder will threaten suicide. And you may not be able to handle it by yourself. So, in any of the cases, like I’ve mentioned, the police may need to be involved. This is the bipolar lesson I talked about earlier. There are some things you should know before you involve the police. Especially for your loved one’s sake. Because there still hasn’t been enough education in the community and in police departments to necessarily keep them from killing a person in a bipolar episode rather than just subduing them first and getting them the help they need. Probably the most important thing you need to know is

this: Should you have to call the police on your loved one, STAY (if at all possible) until the police arrive, so that you can explain to them that your loved one has bipolar disorder. In many states, it will make the difference between your loved one going to the hospital or going to jail.

If there is some reason you cannot stay, then make sure when you do call the police, that you tell them that they will be dealing with someone who has bipolar disorder. Again, it may mean the difference between your loved one going to the hospital or going to jail. As a supporter, I’m sure you would rather see your loved one get the help they need rather than go to jail just for being in a bipolar episode. Many times, the police will bring with them a mental health professional who will help them assess the situation and/or your loved one’s condition. Unfortunately, Jake did not have this luxury. Had there been a mental health professional on the site, he may have stood a better chance of living.

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. due back at Mayo Clinic for more tests
DO> What would you do if you were Jesse?

Mental health care at stake in 2012 vote
DO> Mental illness and politics. What’s your stand?

The Long Battle to Rethink Mental Illness in Children
DO> What are your thoughts?

Creativity linked to mental Illness, study confirms
DO> I have been saying this for years, take a look

Her life’s mission
DO> Jane Pauley talks about her story with bipolar.

Man with bipolar disorder guilty in deputy assault
DO> Would he have done it if he didn’t have bipolar disorder?

No need for Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. to resign: Illinois governor
DO> Do you think he should resign?

Carrie Homeland: Would you tell your boss you have mental health issues?
DO> This is a very controversial issue, what do you think?

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects
of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

I got this email from a supporter the other day and I thought I’d share it with you because I have some thoughts on it for you:

“Dave, I thought I was a good supporter, and I try to do the things you tell me to do in your emails, but my husband keeps going into episodes anyway. When I try to help him, he just gets mad at me, and we end up fighting. I think I’m doing the right things, but he won’t even listen to me. I’m so sad and frustrated. I just don’t know what else to do. I know it’s all my fault. I must be the worst supporter in the world. Deborah”

———————————————————————————————————————

I’ve gotten many emails like this from supporters who feel just like Deborah. Maybe you feel like her, too. If so, just know that you’re not alone. Now, I’m not a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or anyone like that, but I know how she feels, because I went through it with my mom. I experienced all those feelings, too, and I didn’t know what to do.

But let me address Deborah’s email directly, since so many supporters are going through the same thing that she is. The biggest thing I sense here is GUILT. And that is very common. And what I have to say to that is: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You could be the ace, #1, absolutely BEST supporter in the world, but if your loved one refuses to do what they’re supposed to do for their OWN stability, then nothing you do is going to change that. Again, it is NOT your fault.

It has nothing to do with you. It is THEIR problem, and not yours. Now, Deborah says that she follows what I say in my emails for supporters. But I also write emails for people who have bipolar disorder. And if her husband was doing what I told him to do in my emails to him, he would be listening to her, he would be doing what he needs to be stable, he wouldn’t be fighting with her, and he sure wouldn’t be going into episodes, now would he?

It sounds like Deborah is trying to do all the right things. She is trying to help her husband. She is trying to be supportive. She is trying to get her husband to do the things he should do to stay stable. But you can’t force someone to do something that they don’t want to do. That’s where her frustration and sadness are coming from. But here’s the most important thing (and I hear this from so many supporters): Deborah is BLAMING herself for her husband’s bad bipolar behavior and lack of stability. You can tell, when she says, “It’s all my fault.” Well, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it sure doesn’t seem like it to me! It seems to me like she’s trying everything she can to be supportive to her husband.

How is it her fault that he won’t listen to her and won’t let her help him? He is an adult, and makes his own choices. He can choose to let her help him or not. He can choose to listen to her or not. He can choose to be stable or not. It is NOT her fault if he makes the wrong choices. “I must be the worst supporter in the world,” she says. But the very fact that she reached out to me and sent me that email proves that she isn’t! The fact that she is asking for help for her and her husband proves that she isn’t!

 

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I recently was asked this question: “Which is more important, to be right or to be happy?” I thought about this question because of this situation: A friend of mine was talking to me about his relationship with his girlfriend. See, they keep getting into these fights, and he just doesn’t understand why they keep getting into them. A small misunderstanding can turn into the biggest fight for them! So he was telling me about some of the things they have fought over, and you know what? I agree with him! I wouldn’t understand how it happened, either. Except for one thing. I know this guy. I know that he LOVES to be right. And sometimes, if he disagrees with you, he won’t stop trying to make you admit you’re wrong (whether you really are or not) and give in to him. So I can definitely see how there might be communication problems with his girlfriend and why they would fight so much.

So he asks me, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?” Hmmm…. I had to think about that one for about 2 seconds! I know a couple who dealt with this same problem, Only BOTH of them have bipolar disorder, so it was even harder for them. So they had to come up with something to “fix” their communication because they were fighting all the time, many times because neither of them would give in. Each of them firmly believed that they were right. So what do you do in that situation? This is what they did: AGREE TO DISAGREE. They both decided it was better to be happy than to be right. She even teases him and says things like, “Ok, you can be right this time!” LOL

Agreeing to disagree is all about compromise. If you still feel you have to be right, and/or you won’t stop until the other person “gives in,” like my friend, then you are not going to have good communication.

And neither of you is going to be very happy. Whereas, if you agree to disagree, you can each maintain your feeling that you are right, but you compromise anyway. This is really important in any relationship, not just one in which one of the people has bipolar disorder. How would you answer this question if I asked you, “Which is more important – to be right or to be happy?” I think when it’s written out in black and white like that, the answer is obvious. But an unwillingness to compromise, or AGREE TO DISAGREE, is the reason that many people in bipolar relationships fight so often. If you agree to disagree, you are showing respect to the other person, and basically telling them that you acknowledge that they have a right to believe what they believe and/or feel what they feel.

AGREE TO DISAGREE can be such an important part to good communication. But you have to agree with the philosophy. Then you have to practice it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Bipolar Disorder Is Insidious
DO> Talks about what a sneaky disease bipolar is. Don’t you agree?

Replicating risk genes in bipolar disorder
DO> This study has an interesting finding.

Getting help for bipolar disorder —— from chaos to control
DO> Article about someone with bipolar disorder. Can you relate?

Bipolar disorder Homeland Clare Danes Carrie Mathison CIA agent Laura May …
DO> This woman’s story will touch your heart, do you agree?

Demi Lovato opens up and gets help for bipolar disorder, do you know someone …
DO> This celebrity talks openly about her bipolar in a video, what do you think?

Mental illness is the hardest fight I’ve ever had, reveals Frank Bruno
DO> Horrifying story about his hospitals stays, don’t you think?

Bipolar swings emotions from high to low
DO> She makes some good points. See what you think, let me know

How To Achieve Bipolar IN Order
DO> Watch this interesting video to learn more about bipolar disorder, take a look

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews608/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave