Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

You know, you hear a lot about the word WILLPOWER. But what happens if you don’t have willpower? Or that lack of willpower is one of your problems? It can certainly interfere with what you want to accomplish. For example, your loved one wants to take their medication regularly, but they keep forgetting to take it, then say that they just don’t have the willpower.

I want you to consider that lack of willpower is actually a cop-out. What if willpower is something that can be developed? What if you CAN do something about the problem? When I talk to people, I don’t recommend using willpower to do what you need to do to get stable –

I recommend using a system, or several systems instead.

People in 12-Step Programs have abandoned the use of the term “willpower” and instead talk about “powerlessness.” In other words, your loved one would say, “I am powerless over my bipolar disorder.” Which may be true, and may help them to think of it that way, as long as they don’t use it in terms of their bipolar disorder, in turn, having power over them. That is the exact opposite of what they want. There are some things you and your loved one do have power over, and some things you don’t. Your loved one, for example, is powerless over the fact that they have bipolar disorder, that is true. But they are not powerless over the disorder itself – they can fight it for control, they can learn how to manage it (instead of the other way around).

The way to fight lack of willpower is with consistent, conscious decisions and actions that follow. For example, many people, survivors and supporters alike, want to lose weight. Say they even made it a New Year’s resolution. But now they’re struggling, and saying that they just don’t have the necessary willpower to stick to a diet. Well, I would say that if you just change the wording, it might help. Again, I think lack of willpower is a cop-out. The reason many people can’t stick to a diet is because they aren’t committed. They believe they have to start eating different foods (foods they don’t like), or it’s too hard. I think those are the 3 biggest reasons.

But you CAN have control, in spite of having willpower issues.

You control what goes into your body. If you are trying to lose weight, it is your responsibility what foods you eat. You can vary your menu and eat foods that you like and that will help you to take the weight off, rather than focusing on what you cannot eat. If you don’t do that, you will probably find yourself craving those things that you have decided you can’t eat.

Does that make sense? So with bipolar disorder, you don’t think about the things you CAN’T do, you concentrate on the things you CAN do. For example, you may not be able to work out in a gym for an hour a day, but you find that you can walk for a block or two. Whether it’s dieting, exercise, or taking your bipolar medication, remember that it’s NOT about willpower. It’s about making good decisions, and then following through on them. If your loved one is struggling in this area, they should some of my suggestions and see what happens.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews638/

With schizoaffective disorder, he cycled in and out of hospitals and jail
DO> This man’s story will move you.

Understanding bipolar
DO> You’ll enjoy this informative video.

Chuck E. Cheese killer should not be executed because he had undiagnosed …
DO> Do you think this is just an excuse?

Pa. man gets 25 to 50 years in murder of parents
DO> Do you think this sentence is fair?

Bipolar Writer Comments on Debate Over “Crisis in Psychiatry”
DO> Do you agree with this woman’s opinion?

New trust to treat bipolar
DO> Don’t you wish there were more projects like this around?

Why Psychiatry’s Seismic Shift Will Happen Slowly
DO> Do you think this man’s opinion has strong enough backing?

Trudeau speaks about personal struggles with bipolar disorder to packed …
DO> Her story will move you.

Bipolar disorder, depression the focus of innovative research – Vancouver Sun
DO> Don’t you think these other things are important, too?

Bipolar confusion worries medical experts
DO> Does this worry you as well?

How Will the Affordable Care Act Affect Me?
DO> Is this act confusing to you? This blog should help you understand.

Scientists Close to Identification of Mechanisms that Lead to Bipolar Disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Community leaders gather in Helena to battle state’s suicide epidemic
DO> Did you know this about suicide?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews638/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

You know, many people look at my mom’s story and ask, “What’s the secret? How did she do it?” After thinking about this question for many months, I have identified the key to her success with bipolar disorder. It was the fact that she accepted that she had bipolar disorder and she took the diagnosis very seriously. I think that’s the first step to success with bipolar disorder. You can’t do anything else until you first do what my mom did. If you look at most people who DON’T manage their bipolar disorder successfully, you find they do not accept that they have this disorder. You also find they do not take their bipolar disorder seriously at all. These individuals continually pretend they do not have bipolar disorder. They almost never learn anything about bipolar disorder and how it is successfully treated. This is a HUGE mistake!

From the tens of thousands of people on my mailing list all over the world, from speaking with the individuals that work for me who have bipolar disorder, and from talking to many people that I meet at all the places where I do volunteer work for those that are supporting people with a mental illness, I have come to the conclusion that you absolutely must come to terms with bipolar disorder. You must realize that you do, in fact, have the disorder and that it is not going to simply go away. This is the only way you are going to be able to successfully manage this disorder and your life.

But you can lead a completely productive life if you want to. But not until you take the first step.

The choice is your loved one’s if they have bipolar disorder. They can choose to accept the fact they have bipolar disorder or not. Once they accept that they have the disorder, it paves the way for the next steps toward stability. They can choose to learn more about it. They can choose to follow a treatment plan prescribed by their doctor and/or therapist. The choices are theirs, remember.

They can keep following the steps to stability. They can keep learning – not just educate themselves, but educate others. Keep taking their medication (without fail, no matter what), and seeing their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist whenever they have those appointments.

Following the steps means doing everything they have to do to stay stable. Keep a good sleep schedule. Exercise. Eat a healthy diet. Stay productive. Keep a mood chart or write in a journal.

Have a good social life, and do things that they enjoy. Spend time with family and friends.

Don’t isolate, because that can lead to a bipolar episode. You know the steps they have to take.

These steps keep them healthy. These steps keep them stable. Unfortunately, if they choose not to follow this path, they will probably end up as one of the sad stories of people who wind up doing something really bad to someone or something or wind up killing themselves.

Someone once said that the longest journey begins with one small step. The first step to stability begins with accepting that they have bipolar disorder. Then they can take the other steps.

If they already have, they should never stop doing them. It can mean the difference between stability and instability.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

Everyone has values, things they believe in that, no matter what anyone says or does, they can’t be shaken from these beliefs. Some people’s are religious beliefs, and no matter what, you couldn’t sway them from their religious beliefs (not that I’m saying you should ever try – I’m not saying that at all, so don’t get me wrong). Other people have political views that, no matter what, you couldn’t get them to believe anything else other than what they believe, right or wrong. That’s how strong they are in their beliefs.

But then there are other things, like personal opinions, that aren’t like these other things I mentioned. They’re not like facts, that can be proven right or wrong. They’re just opinions, so they can be swayed. Then there are people who are what some people call “wishy-washy.” They don’t seem to have any opinions or beliefs of their own. They just go along with what everyone else thinks or believes. These people just want to “fit in with the crowd.”

There are some things you can compromise on. Like you might want to go out and do something, but if your loved one isn’t feeling up to it, then you can compromise and stay home. If you are helping your loved one keep a To-Do List and they don’t get to all the things on their list, that’s ok. You can compromise on that, and assure them that it’s ok, that they can get to the other things tomorrow. If you make a decision that your loved one doesn’t agree with, then the two of you can talk about it, and there will probably be a compromise in there somewhere. Sometimes you even have to put some of your own needs aside because of your loved one’s bipolar disorder, and that involves compromise.

BUT…If your loved one asks you to do something that could damage them and their bipolar disorder in some way, on that you should NEVER compromise!

For example: If they say they’re tired of taking their medication, and ask you to stop getting it filled at the drugstore. That’s something you cannot compromise on. They need their medication to maintain their stability. Or if they want to start skipping their appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist and/or therapist, and tell you they don’t need you to drive them anymore, that they can get there by themselves, if they feel the need to go, whenever. That’s something you can’t compromise on, because that, too, could jeopardize their stability.

What if they start wanting to sleep all the time, and tell you to just leave them alone and let them sleep as much as they want, or if they start isolating in the house, not wanting to go anywhere, when you usually encourage them to be productive and get out of bed and do things? That’s an area where you can’t compromise, either, because if you do, you know that too much sleep and isolation can lead to a bipolar episode.

What if you see other signs or symptoms of an impending episode, like triggers happening, like your loved one stops taking care of themselves, or stops caring about you and your relationship?

You can’t just not say anything. On this you can’t compromise. You have to say something to them about it. What if your loved one becomes manic, starts spending excessively, starts making rash decisions, or becomes angry at you and expressing it in ways that are intolerable to you?

That, especially is something on which you cannot compromise. You have to take some action.

Just like the person whose values cannot be swayed no matter what, as a good supporter, you cannot let certain things slide. If you believe that your loved one is starting to show the signs of going into a bipolar episode, you cannot compromise. You have to take action. If your loved one won’t listen to you, then at least try to get a message to their doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist.

Your loved one should have a signed Medical Release Form on file in their offices allowing you to talk to them. But let someone know what is happening. Don’t compromise on this.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

You know, when parents raise their children, they always tell them to do their best. It’s a value that we receive and hopefully pass on to our own children and we try live by it ourselves. When I used to have a lawn service, it didn’t matter whether it was the lowest paying customer or the highest paying customer. I always did my best. I couldn’t do it with my mom, though, because I didn’t have the right “tools” (like I did for my lawn care business). Still, knowing my mother’s story and mine, you might be thinking that I did the best I could with what I had to work with.

And that’s kind of you. But still I wish things had been different than they were back then.

People who have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder struggle with the idea of doing your best, unfortunately. They can be such a perfectionist that it interferes with their lives. Or their work.

Or their relationships. I know, because I’ve done research on this, and talked to people who have the disorder. So you actually have an advantage. You don’t have a mental illness, so you don’t have to try to be a perfectionist in everything you do. Especially when it comes to dealing with your loved one. No one expects perfection from you, so don’t expect it from yourself. You can only do the best you can do with bipolar disorder. Otherwise, you will stress yourself out. And that’s something that you really don’t need.

You know how to be a good supporter. You have information that I didn’t have. Just from these blog posts you should be learning information that will help you. But if you’re doing your best to be the best supporter you can be, but your loved one goes into an episode anyway, just remember that it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that they have bipolar disorder, and it’s not your fault when that disorder exhibits itself in your loved one. Some supporters beat themselves up over it.

Don’t be one of those people. Just do your best. That’s all that is expected of you. You are not perfect, and you can’t expect to be, especially when it comes to bipolar disorder.

It’s not because of anything you do or don’t do that your loved one will go into an episode. You could be doing everything right…And they will still go into a bipolar episode. You might get confused and try to undo what you’ve done…Thinking that somehow you inadvertently caused your loved one to go into their bipolar episode. But that’s not what happened. They will go into an episode just because they have bipolar disorder. It’s just the nature of the disorder, and has nothing to do with you.

You know how to be a good supporter to your loved one. So just do the best that you can. Nobody expects any more from you than that. There is no such thing as perfect when it comes to bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews637/

Celebrity Baby Scoop: Laura Dern: ‘As children we desperately need our parents …
DO> You’ll find this interview intriguing.

We Need Stronger Background Checks
DO> Don’t you find this woman’s story sad?

Talking About Mental Illness and Disability Can Be Tough
DO> Hopefully, you’ll find these comments helpful.

Record settlement expected in Portland police shooting of man with bipolar …
DO> Do you think this was fair?

Bipolar: Understanding symptoms and treatment – NECN.com
DO> You’ll enjoy this video.

Bipolar Disorder: What a Family (Or Friend) Might See and What a Family Can Do
DO> Some good information about what you can do.

Demi: I No Longer Have As Many Friends
DO> You’ll find her claims enlightening.

Psychiatry divided as mental health ‘bible’ denounced
DO> What do you think of this man’s opinion?

Meet Mark, he’s only 12 and bipolar – The Windsor Star
DO> This young boy’s story will interest you.

Family seeks answers after AHS patient dies
DO> You will be touched by this woman’s story.

Preventing bipolar relapse with web therapy
DO> This man is an example of a therapy you’ll find interesting.

Colo. governor asked to spare life of inmate convicted of killing 4 at pizza …
DO> Do you agree with his appeal?

Mom of boy, 16, killed by cops: ‘He was bipolar, depressed’ Tribune
DO> You’ll find this boy’s story frightening.

Why Psychiatry’s Seismic Shift Will Happen Slowly
DO> Some very interesting comments about the DSM, what do you think?

Flu in Pregnancy Linked to Child’s Bipolar Disorder – MedPage Today
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Do Whites Have a Mental-Health Advantage?
DO> Raises an interesting point, don’t you agree?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews637/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews636/

Bipolar disorder questionnaires limited for patients with SUD
DO> Interesting information you may need to know.

The Bipolar Epidemic in children: Too many children getting misdiagnosed?
DO> You will find these case studies very interesting.

Bipolar Disorder Drugs May ‘Tweak’ Genes Affecting Brain
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Cardiovascular disease grave in patients with bipolar disorder
DO> Very important study, don’t you think?

The Problem With How We Treat Bipolar Disorder
DO> This woman’s story will move you.

Glenn Close’s sister writing about mental illness
DO> You’ll want to read this book.

Jesse Jackson Jr. Sentencing: Prosecutors Could Factor In Ex-Congressman’s …
DO> You’ll find this video interesting to watch.

Woman who killed family gets four life sentences
DO> You’ll find this woman’s story shocking.

Religiosity may influence depression, QoL in bipolar disorder
DO> This study reveals an important fact, don’t you think?

We Need Stronger Background Checks
DO> You’ll find the facts of this story frightening.

Catherine Zeta-Jones — Enters Treatment Center for Bipolar Disorder
DO> Do you sympathize with her?

Talking About Mental Illness and Disability Can Be Tough
DO> You’ll find these answers very responsive.

Record settlement expected in Portland police shooting of man with bipolar …
DO> A frightening story, don’t you think?

Bipolar: Understanding symptoms and treatment – NECN.com
DO> You’ll enjoy this interesting video.

Bountiful man’s mental illnesses focus of appeal in ex-wife’s shooting death
DO> This man’s story is disturbing, don’t you agree?

Student Gets Help To Help Others
DO> You’ll find this student’s story inspiring.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews636/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

Do you know anyone like this? Every time you ask them how they’re doing, they always say, “Fine.” Or could you be one of those people who always answers, “Fine,” no matter how you’re feeling? Do you or your loved one maybe use this word too much? Using “Fine” all the time is a cop-out. You’re not being honest. No one is “Fine” ALL the time! You need to look at why you aren’t being honest about how you feel.

What if you’re NOT fine? Do you just stuff your feelings, or are you honest about them and tell someone? Stuffing feelings can lead to negative consequences. For example: People who get angry a lot, but keep it in, can get ulcers. Do you ever see people like that? They get all red in the face, and pop antacids like they’re candy. You don’t want to be like that. Your loved one or, specifically, their behavior, may make you angry, but you can’t just stuff those feelings or, before long, you’ll be popping antacids, too.

You need to have good communication with your loved one and be able to tell them how you’re feeling. Of course, you don’t want to tell them in such a way as it makes them angry, either. There are ways to state your feelings, and then there are ways not to. For example: You want to keep blame out of the picture. Divorce yourself from the notion that your anger is your loved one’s fault. Take responsibility for your own feelings. If you can’t talk to your loved one about it in a way that won’t start a fight, try writing your feelings in a journal. If you need to, if things get bad enough, find your own therapist. There is nothing that says that a supporter cannot have their own therapist!

I knew a couple who both saw the same therapist (but at different times), and this worked for them. Occasionally, they both went in together, and the therapist helped them air their grievances without anger. You might want to do that as well. The main point is that you can’t just stuff your feelings, as eventually it will make you sick. Many supporters report headaches and body aches, and this could be from the stress of holding in your feelings.

The worst time to share your feelings with your loved one is when they are showing signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode, as they will tend to be more self-centered, and not care about your feelings. The tone of your voice is also important when telling your loved one your feelings.

You want to come off as concerned and sympathetic, rather than angry (even if the feeling you’re talking about is anger), and calm. Use a soothing (but not patronizing) tone when speaking to your loved one and you will see that you get better results. Your body language is also important when sharing your feelings with your loved one. You don’t want to have an aggressive stance, for example (such as pointing a finger at them).

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I want to warn you today about something important. It’s something that I see too many supporters do. They are still making bipolar disorder the main focus of their life. At first, when your loved one was initially diagnosed and you were learning all you could about bipolar disorder, it was your main focus, and that was ok. But it still shouldn’t be the main focus of your life now. The main focus of both of your lives should now be stability, or the management of your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

You have to understand and realize that bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness and you and your loved one will be dealing with it for the rest of your lives. Still, it shouldn’t be your main focus.

Even though there is no cure for it, bipolar disorder can still be treated with medication and therapy. There are other things you can do to help your loved one to maintain their stability as well. Things that will keep the focus off their bipolar disorder. Concentrate on your relationship, for one thing. Remember that bipolar disorder is not what defines your loved one. You are with them for other reasons (and you know what those reasons are). Your loved one is a person with a unique personality, has interests and goals, and is capable of living a stable, healthy life.

Surround yours and your loved one’s life with all that life has to offer, not bipolar disorder.

Many times, I talk about how important a good relationship is to bipolar stability. Concentrate on that relationship, and make it the best that you can. Remember what brought you together in the first place. Don’t make the mistake of making bipolar disorder the only focus of your lives.

There is so much more to it than that.

You should share some common interests. Enjoy doing the same things. I know a couple who when they were dating, used to go to their favorite restaurant and eat strawberry shortcake and drink coffee and talk for hours. Despite the bipolar disorder, they still do it! What was your favorite thing to do when you were first dating? Do it again! Spend time with your children.

Or even grandchildren, if you have them. Don’t forget extended family, either. Family is important to your loved one’s stability. A social life is important, too. This is so they don’t isolate, because isolation is a trigger to a bipolar episode. And it, too, keeps the focus off the bipolar disorder. And keep fun in your lives! Try to think of some fun things to do. Another couple I know enjoys playing board games, so they do that. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or extravagant. The important thing is that you don’t make bipolar disorder the focus of your lives. Try to think of some things that will help you keep the focus off bipolar disorder in your life.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

Have you ever had to deal with someone who had a lot of pride? Maybe someone who could never believe they were wrong or even to admit they made a mistake? That’s pride. And pride can alienate a lot of people. People who are prideful are not the easiest people in the world to get along with. I’ve seen this in the support groups I go to. It’s sad, really…I hear a supporter complaining about their loved one, but not be willing to do anything to help them – it would mean swallowing their pride. So it’s as if they feel somehow “better than” their loved one because they don’t have bipolar disorder.

Then there are other supporters who, just because their loved one might be doing better than yours at the time, act like they have an attitude that their loved one is better than yours. That’s really bad, because you shouldn’t have to feel that way. In fact, they shouldn’t act that way, because the Bible says that pride goes before a fall. And they might find themselves in your shoes. Then when their loved one starts not doing as well, they don’t know what to do.

Swallowing your pride means asking for help when you need it.

Prideful people think they can do it all themselves, then are stuck when they find out that they can’t do it all themselves after all. If you are having trouble with your loved one, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. You can even contact their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist and tell them how your loved one is acting and that you need help dealing with it. There is no shame in asking for help with your loved one. In fact, there can be even more problems if you don’t.

You can easily suffer supporter burn-out if you don’t ask for help when you need it with your loved one. You can get totally stressed out trying to do everything alone. You might even get depressed. You might feel alone or lonely. You might get frustrated. You might feel disappointment. You might even get angry, resentful, or any number of negative emotions… All because of pride. All because of not asking for help when you need it.

Maybe all you need is a break. Ask someone else in your loved one’s support system to watch them while you do something on your own. It just might be the very thing you need to break the cycle of depression or frustration. Don’t be too proud to ask. That’s what those people are there for – that’s why they’ve agreed to be part of your loved one’s support system. You have to be willing to let others help you. You can’t expect yourself to handle everything all by yourself all the time. Don’t ever let pride stand in your way. If you do, little things will become big things.

Small issues will become large issues. And things that you otherwise might have been able to handle, you won’t be able to handle after all.

Pride is a very negative influence on you and the choices you make.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

David Oliver