Bipolar Supporter Blog

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

But if you’re persistent about them…

If you go after them slow and steady…

Setting big goals and persistently meeting the smaller goals along the way…

Then eventually you will reach stability…

Just like that tortoise won his race!

Do you know what I mean?

The Big Bipolar Supporter Mistake Revealed

David Oliver July 8, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 21 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

I know how hard it is to be a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, because I am one, and because I attend so many support groups, and because I talk to and hear from so many other supporters too.

But I also know that we make mistakes, because nobody is perfect.

Like Tonya points out, who posted on my blog.

Here’s what she wrote:

“After 5 years of being a Bipolar

Supporter, I have found the

hardest thing is to differentiate

between care giver and supporter

vs. mothering and nurse maid.

Reminding someone who is

bipolar of the things they need

to do each day makes me a nag,

but not reminding them causes

repercussions that affect all our

lives. Where is the line and how

do you keep it?”

————————————————

One of the biggest mistakes a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder can make is to go from supporter to enabler.

I talk about this in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/specialoffer/ultimatesuccess/

It’s just like Tonya was asking, “Where do you draw the line?”

She’s talking about the line between caregiver and supporter vs. mothering and nursemaid.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been asked this very same question.

So if you’ve been wondering it yourself, be assured that you are not alone.

Many supporters struggle with the same problem.

So now that you know what the line is, how do you keep from getting there?

Well, let’s look at Tonya’s situation.

Here’s the first clue:

She says that this has been going on for FIVE years!

She should have done something about this long before now.

You’ve heard me talk before about accepting unacceptable behavior.

That if you do this, your loved one has no reason to stop the behavior, and will keep on doing it.

That’s when you have to become a mother and nursemaid.

I mean, why should they expect any different?

If you keep doing things for them that they can do for themselves, that’s called being an enabler.

But if they get used to you doing that, then they won’t do things for themselves.

They’ll just let you keep doing these things.

Then, before you know it, you’re being like Tonya says in her post:

“Reminding them of things they need to do each day…” and feeling like you’re a nag.

After 5 years, especially, your loved one should be doing many things for themselves.

They shouldn’t need you to be nagging them at all.

So where is the line and how do you keep it?

As a supporter, you need to be the one to draw the line.

You need to tell your loved one what is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable behavior.

You need to tell them when they are being lazy, what things they need to be doing for themselves, what you will do for them and what you won’t, etc.

Tonya also asked, once you find the line, how do you keep it?

Simple.

You set boundaries (limits), and then you stick to them. Kind of like an “If you…then I…” sort

of thing.

Do you feel like Tonya?

Do you feel more like a mother and nursemaid?

Or do you feel more like a caregiver and supporter?

If you feel more like a caregiver and supporter, what would you say to Tonya to help her out?

Revealed-The Ultimate Bipolar Success Story

David Oliver July 7, 2009 Special Offer Leave a Comment

Hi,

If you want to know the ultimate bipolar success story, I have a new great resource for you.

Wait until you see the before and after of this person.

Take a look by visiting:

Talk to you tomorrow.

Dave

Bipolar Disorder? Don’t Do This With Your Life

David Oliver July 7, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 8 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I want to warn you today about something important.

It’s something that I see too many supporters do.

They are still making bipolar disorder the main focus of their life.

At first, when your loved one was initially diagnosed and you were learning all you could about bipolar disorder, it was your main focus, and that was ok.

But it still shouldn’t be the main focus of your life now.

The main focus of both of your lives should now be stability, or the management of your loved

one’s bipolar disorder.

You have to understand and realize that bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness and you and your loved one will be dealing with it for the rest of your lives.

Still, it shouldn’t be your main focus.

Even though there is no cure, bipolar disorder can still be treated with medication and therapy.

There are other things you can do to help your loved one to maintain their stability as well.

Things that will keep the focus off their bipolar disorder.

Concentrate on your relationship, for one thing.

Remember that bipolar disorder is not what defines your loved one.

You are with them for other reasons.

Your loved one is a person with a unique personality, has interests and goals, and is capable

of living a stable, healthy life.

Surround yours and your loved one’s life with all that life has to offer, not bipolar disorder.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how important a good relationship is to bipolar stability:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

Concentrate on that relationship, and make it the best that you can.

Remember what brought you together in the first place. Don’t make the mistake of Don’t make the mistake of making bipolar disorder the only focus of your lives.

There is so much more to it than that.

You should share some common interests.

Enjoy doing the same things.

I know a couple who when they were dating, used to go to their favorite restaurant and eat strawberry shortcake and drink coffee and talk for hours, and despite the bipolar disorder, they still do it!

What was your favorite thing to do when you were first dating?

Do it again!

Spend time with your children.

Or even grandchildren, if you have them.

Don’t forget extended family, either. Family is important to your loved one’s stability.

A social life is important, too, so they don’t isolate, because isolation is a trigger to a bipolar episode.

And it, too, keeps the focus off the bipolar disorder.

And keep fun in your lives!

Try to think of some fun things to do.

Another couple I know enjoys playing board games, so they do that.

It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or extravagant.

The important thing is that you don’t make bipolar disorder the focus of your lives.

What do you do to keep the focus off bipolar disorder in your lives?

I’d love to hear some ideas.

I might even put them on here!

Bipolar Disorder? Don’t Do This With Your Life

David Oliver July 6, 2009 | July 6, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 15 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I want to warn you today about something important.

It’s something that I see too many supporters do.

They are still making bipolar disorder the main focus of their life.

At first, when your loved one was initially diagnosed and you were learning all you could about bipolar disorder, it was your main focus, and that was ok.

But it still shouldn’t be the main focus of your life now.

The main focus of both of your lives should now be stability, or the management of your loved

one’s bipolar disorder.

You have to understand and realize that bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness and you and your loved one will be dealing with it for the rest of your lives.

Still, it shouldn’t be your main focus.

Even though there is no cure, bipolar disorder can still be treated with medication and therapy.

There are other things you can do to help your loved one to

maintain their stability as well.

Things that will keep the focus off their bipolar disorder.

Concentrate on your relationship, for one thing.

Remember that bipolar disorder is not what defines your loved one.

You are with them for other reasons.

Your loved one is a person with a unique personality, has interests and goals, and is capable

of living a stable, healthy life.

Surround yours and your loved one’s life with all that life has to offer, not bipolar disorder.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how important a good relationship is to bipolar stability:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

Concentrate on that relationship, and make it the best that you can.

Remember what brought you together in the first place. Don’t make the mistake of Don’t make the mistake of making bipolar disorder the only focus of your lives.

There is so much more to it than that.

You should share some common interests.

Enjoy doing the same things.

I know a couple who when they were dating, used to go to their favorite restaurant and eat strawberry shortcake and drink coffee and talk or hours, and despite the bipolar disorder, they still do it!

What was your favorite thing to do when you were first dating?

Do it again!

Spend time with your children.

Or even grandchildren, if you have them.

Don’t forget extended family, either. Family is important to your loved one’s stability.

A social life is important, too, so they don’t isolate, because isolation is a trigger to a bipolar episode.

And it, too, keeps the focus off the bipolar disorder.

And keep fun in your lives!

Try to think of some fun things to do.

Another couple I know enjoys playing board games, so they do that.

It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or extravagant.

The important thing is that you don’t make bipolar disorder the focus of your lives.

What do you do to keep the focus off bipolar disorder in your lives?

I’d love to hear some ideas.

I might even put them on here!

Are You Blaming Bipolar Problems On This?

David Oliver July 5, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

How are you today?

You know, things are getting really bad all over.

You know I’m not a negative person.

In fact, I’m one of the most positive people I know.

But I also have to be realistic.

And realistically…

The economy is really bad.

We are in such a bad recession, and some people are still trying to pretend it isn’t there.

Others are being so devastated by it.

That’s the majority of people –

Those who are losing their homes and cars…

And the many, many people who are losing their jobs.

So many people really can blame their problems on the economy.

But if you have problems because of bipolar disorder, can you really blame those on the economy as well?

Well, let’s take a look at that.

Ok, if your loved one with bipolar disorder was working at a job and lost their job because of the recession, then maybe you could blame the economy for that.

Then your finances could suffer, and that would be related to the economy instead of the bipolar disorder.

However, if your loved one is suffering because they’re not taking their medication, that has nothing to do with the economy.

That has everything to do with your loved one and their choices.

The responsibility for good choices, especially when it comes to medications, belongs to

your loved one.

The responsibility isn’t even yours!

I know you want to be a good supporter, and you definitely want your loved one to take their medication, but you can’t make them do it if they don’t want to.

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink”?

Well, I’ve heard it said, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink…but you CAN make things salty so that they’ll WANT to drink!”

The way you can apply that to your situation is that your “salt” could be encouraging your loved one to take their medication, or offer suggestions, or even show them the statistics on what happens when people with bipolar disorder don’t take their medication, etc.

Then, hopefully, they will WANT to take their medication.

In my courses/systems, I offer suggestions on how you can get your loved one to take their medication, because so many supporters have told me that this is such a problem for them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

Let’s look at another bipolar problem that gets blamed on the economy.

Say that your loved one gets depressed.

Yes, some people are getting depressed because of the economy, I’ll grant you that.

And there are some things about today’s economy that are enough to be depressed over!

But because your loved one has bipolar disorder, they are prone to mood swings.

It’s just part of their illness.

And one of those mood swings is depression.

Maybe the recession is just a trigger to their depression.

But the economy (the recession) cannot be blamed for their bipolar disorder or, more pecifically, their bipolar depression.

Their depression is part of their disorder, not part of the economy.

See the difference?

Now, some people are angry about the state of our economy.

And people have a right to be. I get angry about it sometimes, too.

I wish things were better, as I’m sure you do, too.

But you don’t have to have bipolar disorder to be angry.

There are many people without the disorder who get angry about the economy.

If your loved one is angry about the economy, you can’t necessarily jump to conclusions and say

that is part of their bipolar disorder.

However, anger can be a symptom of bipolar disorder.

So if other symptoms of the disorder are present, your loved one may be in a bipolar episode,

and may need help.

But if it is anger by itself and part of their bipolar

disorder, you just can’t blame that on the economy.

Are you blaming your loved one’s disorder on the economy?

Are you blaming your problems on the economy?

What can you do to improve your situation in spite of the economy?

What have you done to improve it?

Happy 4th and Problems with Bipolar? Try These 3 Steps

David Oliver July 4, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 10 Comments

Hi,

How are you today?

Happy Fourth of July if you are in the United States.

Hope you have a great day.

If you have problems today, keep looking for a solution, and you will find one.

I am really convinced of this.

There is a great book call the Startup Entrepreneur – which has nothing to do with bipolar disorder, but has to do with starting an organization like a business – but you can still learn a lesson from it.

In the book, the author talks about people like inventors who faced tremendous adversity trying to get whatever they were trying to get done.

The common theme was “when you study the problem over and over again and again and harder, you find a solution eventually.”

I really believe that.

Many people with bipolar disorder don’t focus on the solution, they just kind of focus on the problem and just complain about it.

Sometimes it’s ok to complain, because it’s kind of like therapy, but you have to eventually focus on the solution.

My friend goes to a 12-Step Program, and they have a saying that goes, “When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away.”

That’s kind of what the theme of the book I was telling you about was saying, too.

In other words, if you complain about the problem and do nothing, it won’t get you anywhere.

But if you bounce the problem off other people, maybe you’re still complaining about it (like to your therapist, for example), but you’re actively looking for a solution.

You have to look at all your problems that way.

Like look at your problems with bipolar disorder.

One of the biggest problems I hear supporters complain about is that they can’t get their loved one to take their medications.

Ok, so now you have defined the problem.

That’s Step 1.

Now, you don’t just keep complaining about the problem once you’ve defined it, because then you can’t do anything to solve the problem that way.

Someone said, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” Well, you don’t want that, do you?

So once you’re defined the problem (whatever it is), you start looking for a solution.

Step 2 (after defining the problem) is to gather information that will help you to solve the

problem.

So let’s look at our example about your loved one not wanting to take their medication.

In this case, why aren’t they taking their meds?

Is it because of the side effects?

Is it because they’re forgetting to take them?

Is it because of how the medication makes them feel?

Step 3 is to think of solutions.

I talk about how you need to be positive about solving your problems and different problem-

solving techniques in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews437

It is usually best to brainstorm these and write them down.

So let’s stick to our example.

In the case of side effects (which is a common problem), it may be easy to come up with a solution.

You can have your loved one call their doctor and tell him about the side effects, and sometimes

it’s as simple as taking the medication at night instead of during the day or taking it with food.

Or it may mean changing the medication to one with less side effects.

Is the problem that they’re forgetting to take their medication?

You could:

1. Offer to remind them

2. Have them take them at the same time

every day

3. They could take them with their favorite

TV show

4. If you’re on medication too, you could take

them together

5. Etc.

If you need help coming up with solutions to your problems, you can talk to other people; like: other supporters, family, friends, your loved one’s doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist, the pharmacist, a clergy person, a financial expert, etc.

Talk to whoever you think might help you come up with a solution to whatever problem you

are facing.

The point is that you keep looking until you find a solution.

Have you ever faced a problem where you thought there was no solution, but then you found one?

I’d love to hear about it.

What do you think about my 3-Step way of solving problems?

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver July 3, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 10 Comments

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

How are you?

Here’s the bipolar news. Enjoy.

To read this week’s news visit:

Mania. A Short History of Bipolar Disorder

DO> Good article for those new to the disorder.

A normal life with bipolar disorder

DO> What are your thoughts on this?

Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder originate from some common…

DO> Hmm. Interesting article, take a look.

Memoir is haunting tribute to bipolar mother

DO> WOW, powerful article.

Bipolar disorder in children and adolescents: a rocky road

DO> This is the truth for children with bipolar disorder

The Thinkers: She peers into the brain for cause of bipolar disorder

DO> Seems like they are on the right track, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews437

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for allaspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Warning About Bipolar Disorder and Disability

David Oliver July 2, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 1 Comment

I wanted to address something with you.

The other day, I sent out a link for a new resource I have titled:

“Who Else Wants To Know The SHOCKING Truth About Disability And Bipolar Disorder?”

Located at:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/specialoffer/disability/

I received a bunch of questions frompeople basically saying in a nutshell,

“Dave, isn’t this stuff that social security will tell people?”

The answer is no.

The information in this resourceis NOT found in social security.

Even doctors don’t tell patients.

I have no idea why. It’s seriously crazy.

I think disability can be devastating to people dealing with bipolar disorder.

In my material I point out why.

I just want people to realize I am NOT exaggerating.

You’re going to learn so much that doctors and social security never tell you. Most of the time they don’t realize all of what is in my material.

Some therapists, do however. I findthat many times, therapists are morein tune with the ins and outs ofmanaging bipolar disorder on a daily basis.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know this.

If you are on disability yourself, have a loved one on it or are considering it, and want more information, please visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/specialoffer/disability/

Thanks and see you tomorrow morning.

Dave

The Big Bipolar Supporter Mistake Revealed

David Oliver July 2, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 22 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

You know what’s strange. It’s rained like every single day for weeks. It happens every afternoon.

While it was raining I was thinking of something….

I know how hard it is to be a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, because I am one, and because I attend so many support groups, and because I talk to and hear from so many

other supporters too.

But I also know that we make mistakes, because nobody is perfect.

Like Tonya points out, who posted on my blog.

Here’s what she wrote:

“After 5 years of being a Bipolar

Supporter, I have found the

hardest thing is to differentiate

between care giver and supporter

vs. mothering and nurse maid.

Reminding someone who is

bipolar of the things they need

to do each day makes me a nag,

but not reminding them causes

repercussions that affect all our

lives. Where is the line and how

do you keep it?”

————————————————

One of the biggest mistakes a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder can make is to go from supporter to enabler.

I talk about this in my courses/systems

below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit: