Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

There used to be an old nursery rhyme that went:

There was a little girl, Who had a little curl, Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good, She was very, very good, But when she was bad she was horrid!

I don’t know why that made me think of today’s topic, but it did: How you have to take the bad with the good when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder. Or maybe it should be the other way around if you continually dwell on the bad – that you might need to be reminded that underneath it all, there is still some good to be found.

Just in life in general, there is both bad and good to be had. You don’t have to be dealing with bipolar disorder for that to happen. But it just seems to be amplified when you are dealing with the disorder.

Like the nursery rhyme line, “but when she was bad she was horrid,” sometimes what you have

to go through can seem almost intolerable. But it could be just your subjective interpretation of events – to someone else it might not seem so bad. Not to belittle what you have to go through as a bipolar supporter, because I know it’s rough. But taking the bad with the good, you have to admit that there is some good in there.

Even though the bad times are, as the nursery rhyme says, “horrid,” the good times are just as good. And there are good times in between your loved one’s bipolar episodes, you’ve got to admit. The truth is that someone with bipolar disorder only has about 4-5 full-blown episodes in their lives. It is a fallacy that they go from one episode to another all the time:

Even so, you are there for the worst of it. You know your loved one better than anyone else.

You know the bad side of the disorder. You know firsthand what “horrid” means.

But in between bipolar episodes, your loved one can be normal. So you have experienced those times as well. And you need those times to balance out the bad times. Otherwise you wouldn’t still be together, would you? It would just be too hard to take. Too much bad all the time.

But it’s the good times that make it worth it to stay. And the good times can be very, very good.

So you have to take the bad with the good. And you have to focus on the good in order to put up with the bad. It helps if you can separate your loved one from their disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews504/

Here are the news headlines:

Neuron Development Underlies Mental Disease
DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Bipolar Illness Garners New Brain Research
DO> What do you think about this?

Not Loony, Just Different
DO> Great article, what do you think?

Hope and Inheritance Conflict in Families with Bipolar Disorder
DO> Very good article, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews504/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by
visiting: http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Have you seen these new commercials lately? The ones for V-8 juice and for Manwich?

Well, for V-8 it’s about getting your necessary servings of vegetables in a juice. And in Manwich, it’s about how your necessary servings of vegetables are in with the meat. And the thing about that one is that it’s supposed to be “hidden,” sort of – so that you can’t really taste it, so that it’s a “pleasant surprise” or something.

In both cases, the point is the same – to get across that you need to eat your vegetables. However, they do it in a creative way. Not just with the commercials, but in the products themselves. The manufacturers see that the problem is that most people are not wanting to eat vegetables. So they figure that if they give you your vegetables in a way that makes you want to eat them, that they’ll make money! So they come out with these products to do that.

Well, my point is that sometimes you have to get a little creative when it comes to bipolar disorder, too. For example, when it comes to your loved one not wanting to take their

medication.

One creative thing you can do is put their medication in their food. This way, it will be easier for them to be willing to take it (i.e., it will taste better). Another thing you can do is to offer

to take yours (if you take medication too) when they take theirs. Another creative thing to do would be to have a reward set up for if they do take their medication – say, they get to do something they like to do if they have taken their medication all week.

The point is that you may have to get creative and offer incentives if you want your loved one to take their medication. You may have to do the same thing to get them to go to see their medical and mental health professionals on a regular basis.

Like with the medications, you can offer a reward system… You can offer to go to their appointments with them… If they like to drive, you can let them drive to their appointments,

which will make them more willing to go.

Whether it’s medication or doctor/therapist appointments, you need to make it worth their

while to go. You need to make them WANT to go. And to do that, you may need to get creative. You may need to offer some incentive for them to go. Whatever it is that you’re trying to get your loved one to do, if there is an incentive involved, they will be more apt to do it.

You can even do this in a more subtle way. For example, getting them to be more productive.

It may just be a matter of saying something like, “I love when you…” Or, “I would love it if you would…” Say they are painting, you could ask them to paint you a picture. Or if they are working in the garden, you could ask them to get you some flowers (or fruits or vegetables).

Whatever it is, put some creativity into it and you will get further!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, if you keep things inside and let them build up, that’s not a good thing for you. If you hold everything in, letting it build up, it can even make you physically ill, if not emotionally sick.

For example, it can lead to stress, which can lead to ulcers and migraine headaches. It can affect your sleep as well, leading to problems with getting to sleep, insomnia, and staying asleep once you get to sleep. It can lead to a lowering of your immune system, which can lead to all kinds of things, such as infections and colds.

All because you hold things in. You have to find a way to let your emotions out, so this does not happen to you. Call it “having your say so” with bipolar disorder.

It’s a necessity. Unfortunately, too many supporters don’t do this, and end up sick, like I was talking about before.

Why? Because they’re afraid. That’s why they end up walking around on eggshells. They’re afraid of saying or doing something wrong and setting off their loved one. Then their loved one might get angry and turn on them in a rage and do all sorts of things, yelling and screaming at them, calling them names, etc.

And you have all kinds of feelings because of these acting out behaviors. In addition to the feelings you may normally have. It’s a lot to carry around inside you. You need to let it out.

How? By talking with your loved one. Oh, not when they are in an episode or raging, of course.

But choose a time when they are not raging or in a manic episode, when they are in a normal period, and are willing to listen to you. Try to catch them in a good mood, in other words.

Tell them that you need to talk with them about something that is important to you. That should give them some indication, at least that it’s important to you. That will make them pay attention,

at least.

Try to be gentle and non-threatening, so they aren’t defensive, as this could lead to a fight, which is what you don’t want to happen.

Use “I” sentences instead of “you” sentences. In other words, stick to “I feel” instead of “You always” or “You never,” which come off as accusing them, making them get defensive. If you stick to “I feel” (followed by a feeling word, and not the words “that you” which again, is accusatory) you can most likely avoid a fight and get your feelings across to your loved one.

Another way to couch your feelings is in a framework of “When you… then I…” For example, “When you call me names, then I feel hurt.” You are telling your loved one that, as a result of something they do, you feel a negative feeling, but you are saying it in a way that does not come off as threatening, so they are less likely to become defensive and get mad at you.

There are ways to have your say so with bipolar so that you don’t have to make yourself sick by keeping everything inside all the time – you just have to do it in a certain way.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Did you know that there are many people that are affected by the change in seasons? Many people are affected by the weather in general. Scientists have even studied this phenomenon. And there has even been a mental disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder named for the disorder that affects people’s moods because of weather.

Does your loved one get affected because of the change in seasons? Or because of the weather?

We are in the fall season now, and the weather has definitely changed. Have you noticed a change in your loved one as well?

Many things can trigger an episode in a person who has bipolar disorder. That’s what I’m talking about now – How the change in season, or the change in weather can be a trigger to bipolar behavior and even episodes.

Consider this story:

Dan was married to Natalie, who had bipolar disorder. Normally, Natalie was pretty stable with her bipolar – she was on medication for it, saw a psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist for it, and had made other lifestyle changes (such as sleep, diet, and exercise) to manage it.

She rarely had mood swings, and together they had a good marriage and a pretty good life together, despite the fact that she had bipolar disorder. That’s why Dan was so surprised when one day, seemingly out of the blue, Natalie seemed to get very agitated, and picked a fight with him, which wasn’t usual behavior for her. Luckily, it ended very quickly, but Natalie cried over it, apologizing for being a terrible wife.

She seemed to go into a depression after that, which Dan couldn’t understand, because to him, nothing had really changed that he could see.

When they took Natalie to see her psychiatrist for answers, it came to light that the only thing that had changed was that the seasons had changed, and the weather had turned colder and darker

more often, and this, the doctor believed, was responsible for the change in Natalie’s moods.

He made a slight change in her medications, and she made some additional lifestyle changes, and her moods improved. She was surprised to find out that such a seemingly small change in her life could affect such a dramatic change in her bipolar disorder, but it had.

———————————————————————————————————————

Natalie’s story is not an unusual one. In fact, many, many people with bipolar disorder go through the same thing when the seasons change and the weather changes as well.

As we go from the bright light of summer into the darker days of fall and winter, we are inside more, and are not as active as we are during the summer months. Our lifestyle changes. Our levels of vitamin D decrease. Our activity decreases as well.

For some people, a mood change can occur, causing depression. For some, a decrease in activity can lead to an increase in stress and/or agitation (irritation) as well. For people who have bipolar disorder, this agitation (irritation) can lead to increased anger and/or rage.

At its worst, increased anger and rage can be a symptom of an oncoming bipolar manic episode.

In the extreme, a depressed mood in someone who has bipolar disorder can lead to suicidal thoughts and even suicide attempts.

It falls upon you, the supporter, to be aware of this phenomenon, and to watch your loved one for any changes in them during this time. When the seasons change, you need to be more vigilant.

Watch them for any triggers, such as increased stress or agitation, and any signs or symptoms of acting out behavior from their bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews503/

Here are the news headlines:

Brain Region May Link Gene With Risk of Bipolar Disorder
DO> What do you think of this?

Arizona Budget Cuts Affecting Aid to the Mentally Ill
DO> Sad but true…

Are Your Religious Beliefs Affected by Mania?
DO> Do you agree with this?

New Parents’ Guide to Bipolar Medications Released
DO> Sounds like good information.

In Some States, Incarcerated Kids Get Drugged to Alter Behavior, Despite Risks
DO> This is 100% true, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews503/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Many people are into WWE wrestling. It’s one of the biggest watched shows on TV right now.

You may or may not watch it, but if you do, you’ve probably heard of one wrestler called John Cena.

Well, in case you haven’t, let me tell you about him. There are good guys and bad guys in wrestling, and John Cena is one of the good guys – kids love this guy, and he is a great role model for them.

Well, there is this group called the Nexus that is all bad guys, and there was a match where John Cena had to fight one of the guys in the Nexus, and if he lost, he had to become a part of the Nexus – In other words, if he lost this match, he would have to become a bad guy.

Well, he lost. And as much as he didn’t want to, he had to become a bad guy.

So how does this relate to bipolar disorder? Well, sometimes as a bipolar supporter, you have to be the bad guy, no matter how much you don’t want to be. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t necessarily want to do for the sake of your loved one.

You want to be the good guy all the time (we all do, naturally), but sometimes you have to come off as being the bad guy.

Just like when your children were little and you had to discipline them. You didn’t want to spank them, or to yell at them or to be the bad guy, but you had to, so they would learn that there are right things to do and wrong things to do, and that there are consequences for doing wrong things.

It’s the same way with bipolar disorder. If your loved one crosses a line with their bipolar disorder, they need to learn that there are consequences to their actions and their behavior, and they can’t just get away with doing anything they want.

They need to learn to accept responsibility for their actions and their behavior like when they are in episodes. Especially when there are legal and/or financial consequences to be paid for those actions and behaviors. And sometimes you have to be the bad guy and enforce those consequences.

It wouldn’t be fair to you to pay the consequences for your loved one’s actions and behaviors when they were in an episode, even if you wanted to – they really should pay their own consequences. It’s part of learning how to manage their own bipolar disorder.

If you do it for them, you are enabling them, or bailing them out, which isn’t good for either of you. If you enable your loved one too often, they will never take responsibility for their

own actions and behavior, and they will never get better.

So sometimes you do have to play the bad guy, especially in the area of getting them to take responsibility for their own actions and behavior. After all, you do want them to get better,

but they won’t do it any other way. And they definitely won’t do it if you keep enabling them (being the good guy).

You may not like being the bad guy, but sometimes it’s just the best thing for your loved one.

For example, you may have to remind them to take their medication. You may think it comes off as being nagging and not the nice guy you want to be, but it is really helping them to be compliant, and could even be saving their life!

So, even though you may not like being the bad guy sometimes, in the long run, it could be the best thing for your loved one, and could even be saving their life.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Remember when you were little and you would say that something wasn’t fair? Sometimes your parents would even say that life wasn’t always fair, wouldn’t they? But usually they would try to explain things for you, or try to work out a reasonable solution to your problem to make things fair.

The problem is with bipolar disorder that, being a supporter, you might sometimes feel that things aren’t fair to you, either. You might sometimes think that, no matter how hard you try, you’re still coming out on the short end of things, which isn’t fair to you.

You might think you’re the best supporter in the world, yet your loved one still does things that don’t seem right to you, and you can’t figure out why! Unfortunately, that’s just part of their

having bipolar disorder.

Sometimes, in an episode, your loved one will do things that you don’t understand. But you’re right – These are things that just aren’t fair to you. These are reasons for you to scream “Life just isn’t fair!” In this case, it isn’t. But you still have to face it if you’re going to stay with your loved one who has bipolar disorder.

It is true that they will sometimes do things that you don’t understand, like fight with you for seemingly no reason at all. They will do other things that won’t seem fair, too. They can sometimes get so angry that they will rage, or in a manic episode, they can lie to you, among other things. That is also part of their disorder.

They’re not doing this on purpose, or because they just one day decided to hurt you. It stems from their bipolar disorder. And you’re right – This isn’t fair to you, either.

Even if you try to defend yourself, what are you defending yourself against? These things they’re raging against, are they even real? No! You’re defending yourself against untruths, or lies. So it doesn’t matter how vehemently you defend yourself, it isn’t going to get you anywhere. You just have to wait out the storm, so to speak. Fair or not, it is going to happen.

Why? Because, unfortunately, your loved one has bipolar disorder. And it is part of their disorder.

You can do something about it, however. At some point, when they are not raging at you, and they are calm and collected, sit them down and tell them how you feel. Tell them in a way that is non-threatening to them, however. Don’t blame them, or they will get defensive and you will end up in a fight, which is what you do not want.

Just say something like, “When you rage at me, I don’t understand, and I feel hurt.” Then you have stated your feelings in direct relation to something they have done, and they need to take responsibility at that point. At least they should. If they don’t, try to tell them in a different

way.

I know that it may not seem fair that you have to be the one doing all the effort at communicating, but it’s just the way it is when you are the supporter to a loved one who has bipolar disorder.

Hopefully, by communicating in this way, your loved one will take responsibility for their actions and change their ways and not hurt you any more.

If worse comes to worse, and you cannot talk to your loved one, at least find someone else who you can talk to about your feelings, or write them in a diary or journal so you don’t stuff them and have them build up inside you.

Things may not always be fair when you’re involved with someone who has bipolar disorder, but there are some things you can do to make them more fair.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, if you keep things inside and let them build up, that’s not a good thing for you. If you hold everything in, letting it build up, it can even make you physically ill, if not emotionally sick.

For example, it can lead to stress, which can lead to ulcers and migraine headaches. It can affect your sleep as well, leading to problems with getting to sleep, insomnia, and staying asleep once you get to sleep. It can lead to a lowering of your immune system, which can lead to all kinds of things, such as infections and colds.

All because you hold things in. You have to find a way to let your emotions out, so this does not happen to you. Call it “having your say so” with bipolar disorder.

It’s a necessity. Unfortunately, too many supporters don’t do this, and end up sick, like I was talking about before.

Why? Because they’re afraid. That’s why they end up walking around on eggshells. They’re afraid of saying or doing something wrong and setting off their loved one. Then their loved one might get angry and turn on them in a rage and do all sorts of things, yelling and screaming at them, calling them names, etc.

And you have all kinds of feelings because of these acting out behaviors. In addition to the feelings you may normally have. It’s a lot to carry around inside you. You need to let it out.

How? By talking with your loved one. Oh, not when they are in an episode or raging, of course.

But choose a time when they are not raging or in a manic episode, when they are in a normal period, and are willing to listen to you. Try to catch them in a good mood, in other words.

Tell them that you need to talk with them about something that is important to you. That should give them some indication, at least that it’s important to you. That will make them pay attention,

at least.

Try to be gentle and non-threatening, so they aren’t defensive, as this could lead to a fight, which is what you don’t want to happen.

Use “I” sentences instead of “you” sentences. In other words, stick to “I feel” instead of “You always” or “You never,” which come off as accusing them, making them get defensive. If you stick to “I feel” (followed by a feeling word, and not the words “that you” which again, is accusatory) you can most likely avoid a fight and get your feelings across to your loved one.

Another way to couch your feelings is in a framework of “When you… then I…” For example, “When you call me names, then I feel hurt.” You are telling your loved one that, as a result of something they do, you feel a negative feeling, but you are saying it in a way that does not come off as threatening, so they are less likely to become defensive and get mad at you.

There are ways to have your say so with bipolar so that you don’t have to make yourself sick by keeping everything inside all the time – you just have to do it in a certain way.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.

In California there is a big debate going on. Should people who are in the welfare system have to “work” for their welfare? Many people think they should, but a few disagree. I’m not about to get into that debate, but I think it brings up an interesting point.

How often do we think about the fact that people who have bipolar disorder have to work for their recovery? Sometimes this is as literal as it sounds. That is to say, for some people a major part of their recovery is to have a job and to do their best at it. For others, this takes on a more symbolic meaning, referring more to the fact that recovery doesn’t come easily, and that you have to strive for it.

So what are some of the ways that many people have to work towards their recovery? And what are the ways that we, their supporters, can help them out? There are many ways that people who have bipolar disorder need to work towards their recovery. Most of them should be outlined in their treatment plan.

Some examples are taking their medication as prescribed, keeping a routine, and going to therapy. It can also include things like meditation, exercising, and anger management techniques. Or even paying attention to their overall health, participating in a hobby, and socializing.

It always needs to include learning new coping skills and practicing them. It always needs to include symptom management and prevention. And it always needs to include talking over things with their recovery team.

Sometimes all of this can seem overwhelming for a person who is already dealing with a mental disorder. That is where we, the supporters, come into play. We can encourage them along, and “hold their hand” through it, so to speak.

We can help them monitor their symptoms and remind them of the things they need to be doing. We can handle a crisis situation by getting outside help for them. We can, ultimately, sit back and let them take charge of their recovery.

This last part may seem harsh at times, but sometimes it is exactly what they need. That depends on the time, though, and you are the best person to determine which time is which.

Just keep in mind that they are working towards something that is not just challenging, but is also against their very nature. Try to have some compassion on them for this, but at the same time do not over- sympathize with them to the point that you take over and keep them from recovering.

A healthy balance is needed. Remember that you also have to work towards what you want in your life, including the goal of being the best supporter you can be. Now, the best supporter is one that has good balance both in the way that they handle their loved one and in their own life.

This is not an easy goal to meet, but it, like recovery from bipolar disorder, is a goal worth working towards. Both you and your loved one need to set your eyes on the goal but your feet on the one step at a time. It will pay off in the end.

What are your thoughts on all this?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave