Hope you’re having a good day.
I have a whole bunch of things to do today so I have to get going.
So let’s jump into today’s topic.
I have a woman who works for me, and she was telling me that when her children were little, she used to use a “warning system” for disciplining them.
If they were doing something bad, they would get three chances to change their behavior before they would get disciplined.
Her system was to say, “That’s one…”
And if they still didn’t stop, she’d say, “That’s two…”
Then if they still didn’t stop, she’d say, “That’s three!”
And the punishment would begin!
This way she would never have to discipline her children in anger, she says, because she would always give
them three chances first.
In fact, the way she puts it is, “I never punished my children. They punished themselves!”
I look at is that her use of the “one, two, three” system as using KEY WORDS.
In other words, she was using these words to try to get her children to change their behavior based on these certain words.
I talk about how important communication between you and your loved one is in my courses/systems below:
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In the same way this woman used key words to
discipline her children, you can use key words
with your loved one.
Oh, not to discipline them, of course, but to communicate with them.
You can sit down with your loved one and develop these key words together.
Here can be a sample conversation:
YOU: I’ve noticed you’ve been acting sort of keyed-up lately.
THEM: Yeah, I have been kind of nervous.
YOU: I’m not always sure what to do when you feel like that, or even if you want my help.
THEM: I don’t know how to tell you that I need your help.
YOU: What if we come up with a key word that you can use that tells me that you need my help?
Then the two of you can come up with a key word together that only the two of you use in that situation.
Here’s another example:
YOU: I want to talk to you sometimes, but I don’t know how to approach you when you seem distant.
THEM: You just need to tell me.
YOU: I try to tell you, but sometimes I just don’t know how to get your attention, or to tell you how important it is.
THEM: How about if it’s something simple, you just say, “If you’ve got a minute…” but if it’s something important, you say, “Can we sit down?.” That way I’ll know the difference.
Do you see the use of key words in the second example? (“got a minute” and “sit down”)
Other examples of key words you can use with your loved one could be:
· If you notice they seem depressed, use the keyword “down”
· If you notice they seem manicky, use the keywords “excited” or “nervous”
· If your loved one is acting distant, use the keywords “share” (as in, “Is there something you want to share?”) or “listen” (as in, “If you want to talk, I can listen.”)
· If your loved one doesn’t seem like themselves lately, use the keyword “off” (“You seem a little “off” lately)
· “Brainstorm” is a good general keyword to use when you’re loved one seems troubled, as in, “You look like
you’re trying to figure something out. Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas together?”
These are some examples of general keywords, but it’s better if the two of you come up with keywords together.
You can even sit down with your loved one with this list and use some of these and see if they work for you.
Key words are especially useful in social settings – family gatherings, etc.
For example, if “nervous” is one of your keywords to signify between your loved one and you that your loved one is feeling anxiety around others, then when they say that keyword to you, you have agreed ahead of time that the two of you will leave. This will save embarrassment in those situations.
The most important thing is that you keep the lines of communication open between you.
Using key words is one of the ways to do that.
What do you think?
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.