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Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
I have received tons of emails from supporters
who feel guilty about being mad about a loved
one having bipolar disorder. They feel that
it’s ruined them, taken all their money,
wasted lots of their time and they are just
over all mad.

People ask me if I was that way. I must say
not really. I was a little mad that I lost
tons of money over the years with my mom but
not really. BUT remember I am obviously not
married to my mom so it’s really different.

If I was married to someone with bipolar
disorder and the person wasn’t diagnosed
or on the right treatment plan for many
years, I am sure I would be super mad about
it all.

Is that okay? I say yes. I actually write
about this in my bipolar supporter guide.

I want to take an excerpt from that guide
because I think it’s important for the thousands
probably of people on my list that are feeling
kind of anger or depressed.

Here it is:

As you can imagine, a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder
can be devastating to both the person diagnosed and
the family members of that person. For that reason,
a discussion of how people may initially react to
such information is appropriate.

Think for a moment about a loss you have sustained
in your life. Many of you reading this will have
lost a loved one at some point. Considerable research
has been done to try to identify stages of grieving.
And grieving is a very rational response to a diagnosis
of Bipolar Disorder. Not only does the diagnosed person
have to accept that he or she has an identifiable
“disorder,” the family member most involved with
this person has to internalize this information as well.

Let’s take a look at what we know about the grieving
process today. Of course, each individual case has
its own nuances and twists. As with any psychological
theory, the writer has a responsibility to present what,
generally, may happen in any particular set of circumstances.
Your individual experience may be quite similar to these
“norms,” or it may be significantly different. What
seems to comfort people in these difficult times is the
realization that they are not alone. Others have felt
what they are feeling, and have actually survived.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross may well be the most well recognized
scholar who has written about grief and loss. She certainly
organizes and explains grief responses cogently, and, as
such, will be the person whose work is cited here.
Kubler-Ross defines five stages of grieving in her work,
Grieving? But no one’s dead! Well, grieving can occur
at the end of a marriage, when a child leaves home,
when one retires from the workforce, and at any one
of many, many other times. What Kubler-Ross has done
in her work is to define a commonality to these
experiences of loss. Loss can mean loss of a
relationship, loss of a loved one, loss of your own
physical well-ness, loss of a job, even loss of a pet.
The interesting thing is that the grieving process
has been found to be pretty predictable regardless
of what was lost.

Kubler-Ross defines 5 stages of grieving. These are
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Let’s say that you have just been diagnosed with
lung cancer. Your initial reaction might be:

Denial: “But I’ve never smoked! This is ridiculous.
The doctor is incompetent. I can’t possibly have
lung cancer.”

Secondly, you will experience anger about your diagnosis:
“These people are idiots. I’m going to sue them all.
Just when my life is going well, this stupid thing happens!”

Third, bargaining comes about:
“God, if you let me get through this, I promise to
pay all my back taxes. I promise to go to church.
I promise to volunteer at the homeless shelter.”

Next comes Depression:
“This can’t be happening to me. I’m going to just
go home and sleep. I’ll stay in bed where no one
can find me. There isn’t any point anymore.”

Finally, there is some acceptance of your situation:
“Well, I need to read about lung cancer, I guess. We
have a couple of great hospitals in town, and I need
to find out which one has treated more cases like mine.
I need to read about alternative therapies, call the
insurance company, and get ready for the fight of my life.”

Please read this part carefully. YOU are entitled to
feel the way you feel. YOU will move through the grieving
process at YOUR own rate. Please give yourself the time
and permission to deal with your feelings in your own way.
You have just found out that the world may not be as you
know it.

You have found out that you don’t have a “Normal” spouse,
or child, or sister. Your loved one has been diagnosed
with Bipolar Disorder. You have a right to grieve
the loss of your perception of your loved one
(or even yourself!) as seen as “normal.” You have
the right to feel “bad” about what you’ve just found
out. You also have the right to pass through the
stages of grieving at your own pace and in your
own order. You may find that you have predictably
experienced Denial, Anger, and Bargaining. But
suddenly, you find yourself angry again.

The key in getting past this mental and emotional
adjustment is to expect the unexpected. Although
Kubler-Ross has done a masterful job of defining
the elusive process of human grieving, don’t expect
yourself to be a textbook case as you move through
these phases or steps. You will proceed at your
own pace, in your own good time, as you should.
==============

Well that’s the end of the excerpt. That’s again
actually from my Bipolar Supporter Guide. You may
recognize it if you got that guide in one of
my courses/systems.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

The bottom line is however, you have to get to
acceptance eventually. I call it the “first sale.”
The first sale in sales is when a sales person
has to sell him/herself on the product that
they are going to be involved with. If you aren’t
sold and are selling something, you are going
to have a really hard time.

What the heck does that have to do with bipolar
disorder you may be asking? Is Dave crazy? NO!

Think about it. If you don’t sell yourself into
accepting your loved one has bipolar disorder (when
he/she gets a correct diagnosis), you’re going
to have a really hard time with them. An almost
impossible time with them.

Actually I have to take off and this email is getting
kind of long but I want to talk about people who
aren’t sold on their loved one’s bipolar disorder
and actively are looking for anyone to tell them
they have anything but bipolar disorder. This is
super deadly.

I have to take off. Have a great day!

Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp

P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com