=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
I am just getting ready to take off for
the gym.
Before I did, I wanted to ask again, if
you had an experience with something called
the Tickey to Work program.
If you already wrote me thanks. If you know
any one, please forward this email.
I am looking for people to write me about
how it was or is for them.
This is for writing me about ticket to work
ONLY. Yesterday like 100 people wrote me, “Dave
I know you are busy but I need to talk to you”
emails. Realistically I can’t write and phone
100 people in a day.
To talk about bipolar disorder AND the Ticket
to work program please write me at
feedbacktodave@mentalhealthworld.net
Okay…
I read a quote the other day that really
made me think:
“Our lives improve only when we take
chances – and the first and most difficult
risk we can take is to be honest with
ourselves.” – Walter Anderson
(Editor, Parade Magazine)
Wow. Isn’t that profound?
So many people go around in a
state of denial. I talk about this
in my courses, because a lot of
people, when they’re told that
they have bipolar disorder, go into
a state of denial, saying that they
don’t have it.
Check out my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
It’s really hard, as a supporter of a
loved one who you know has bipolar
disorder, to be with them when they
deny that they even have the disorder.
That’s one of the biggest areas I go into
in my courses, because as a supporter
you need to be understanding of the
stages they go through before they will
accept their diagnosis.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book
On Death and Dying, describes 5
Stages of Grief, and only the last one
is acceptance, and they apply not only
to grief, but to bipolar disorder as well.
The 5 stages of grieving are: denial,
anger, bargaining, depression, and then
finally, acceptance.
So denial is the first, where they don’t
believe they even have the disorder.
But then they finally arrive at
acceptance, and at that point they
should be like the quote at the beginning
of this email.
But you know what? So should you.
Because for ALL of us, we only improve
if we take chances, and if we become
honest with ourselves.
If your loved one becomes honest
with themselves, then they can accept
their diagnosis of bipolar disorder, and
then they can start learning how to
manage it, especially if they get one of
my courses which will teach them how
to do it.
But if you can accept your role
as the supporter of someone who does
have bipolar disorder and especially
if you get the supporters course, then
you can learn how to help them.
The biggest surprise is that you can
learn to help YOURSELF!
Yeah, cause you need help just as much as
your loved one does. Even though all
the attention seems to be on your
loved one, you do need as much help.
But the first step for both of you is that
you have to be honest with yourselves.
And like the quote says, it is a risk.
It sure isn’t easy! We sometimes don’t
like to look at what we see in the mirror.
But you know what? Once we can do that,
change is a great thing! Our lives begin to
improve! We can do things we never thought
we could do before!
Like with your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
Think about it. When they were first told,
you may have thought it was like a death
sentence or something.
But here I’m telling you that it is not only
NOT a death sentence, it is a chance
to GROW, to CHANGE! And that is a
positive thing.
It’s all in how you look at it.
Your Friend,
Dave
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different programs I’ve put together… each
one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
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that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
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http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
By and large, I agree that denial isn’t helpful, but I heard yesterday that patients who deny they have cancer, who think their diagnosis is wrong, tend to live longer than those who accept they have it and want to fight it, and much more than those who accept it and give up! So, how could this relate to BP? I haven’t a clue! Or, maybe I do …
I think there is a risk that we with BP can become so focussed on our having this illness that we self-talk ourselves into making it worse, having episodes when something upsets us because we think we will have one. I am not saying we can control BP purely by mind-over-matter, but I do think we may be able to save ourselves from some of its occurences. I also think there is an element in us to assume a depression, or hypo are caused by the BP – again, because we assume it must be – when they may have some psychological cause. Then the whole thing gets more complicated because a psychological cause can trigger a BP episode!
So, what is the solution? (Here we go – this is a bit of self-critique and I know I’m not going to like the answer!!!) Whenever we experience a depression or elation, we should look for PROBABLE causes.
(Sure, there is a risk of post rationalization, i.e. “This happened therefore it caused that…” which wrong. If X occurred and Y happened afterwards, that means there was a correlation between the two, and the scientists or statisticians amongst you will know there can be a world of difference between a correlation and a causal link. IN LAYMANS TERMS, just because (this is a real life example from about 10 years ago) just because single women with cats tend to buy cordless phones doesn’t mean they buy cordless phones because they are single and have a cat! It’s a coincidence. Similarly, just because you hear about a death it doesn’t necessarily mean that news is what makes you feel depressed. It might, but it might not be the cause. Get it?)
So, if you find a PROBABLE cause, (probably cause is when something happens and you have enough evidence to believe the one caused the other – e.g. a vase fell on the foor although it had been securely placed – probably cause would be the cat which lives with you!) this is when you can deny the BP effect, and in so doing, talk yourself out of triggering a BP episode or at least minimising the effect …
… at least, that’s the theory! I’m going to try it out. If anyone else does – and survives to tell the tale! – please let me know it it worked for you.
You can pinch this idea, David – but just remember, it’s not a proven technique … yet! It MIGHT work but we can’t say it will PROBABLY work!!! 8¬D
This is what makes BP SOOO tricky! There is not a single answer. Graham n this seems logical but I have never seen my husband be logical until he took meds and admitted FINALLY that he had BP. He wants to not blame things on the problem but the patterns are there. He finally realizes that after all the years struggling with this that now he can be out of the fog somewhat and not blame everything on “parents, society, ME, the people driving down the highway, the WORLD”, you get my drift. This thing requires a person to establish new ways of living but also acceptance and moving forward not “wallowing in it”. I agree with you but as a spouse, I have lived this too and know how scary it is for loved ones and the damage it can do-I should say the ravage it can do-and I know that his admitting and accepting the problem is a great relief for me.
84ps – Ah, you are SO right! Logic and reason are not often good bedfellows with BP …
Hi Dave,
Myself haveing rapid cycle 1, now my daughter on meds. I do feel guilty, she is on meds and they are working, she is in denial now, I feel like I have passed her a gallon of poisen and told her finish it. I am so thankful for your books, I would have never saw the signs, I would have still been in denial myself. Now I have to find a way to forgive myself, she is so loving, honest, trusting soul, but her bipo monster is so fast and so ugly and mean. I always tell her all about the emails and symtom checks, reactions to the meds. She does not want to talk about it. I know I can not be feeling so guilty it will mess me all up, I gave her life, it was me who did this. Reality is painful, I will be positive. I think I need a tune up David are the seasons changeing, is it time to have an episode, you said you were having trouble with alot of employees at the same time. Can you figure out what is going on I have been tryen to slip into a episode, I know, and the bipo knows, it is toying with me. Is there a connection why we are going hay-wire???? No denial for me I feel like what ever that movie was that said “she’s back” all creepy. No denial here.
Take care Dave,
Karen
Hi Grahamn, I posted my blog before I read yours, that is what is hapening with me, but my mind has allready taken off , probably the guilt I am experiencing, cant spell, has unleashed the beast, you are smart, I dont know how to trick it back into containment? Any ideas???
Karen
Karen
Not sure if I have any ideas – I’ve not been too good myself of late. The blackest of thoughts have pervaded each morning for the past 4 days (but I got through – obviously!) And then, I tip upwards for some of the day – a right friggin roller coaster!
If you like, pour it out at my Yahoo address – harryf200@yahoo.co.uk I can’t promise any solutions – obviously – but I may have the odd (very odd!) suggestion. And I definitely can’t promise replies to everything you send, for obvious reasons.
Gra’
Hi Dave,
My nephew who just turned 14 was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder a year back. He also has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).
I must say that your emails and postings are making me look at things in a more positive manner. Some time backthe whole family was in a fix as to what to do. But a year back we got through to a good doctor who is specialized in Child Psycology and Disorders.
Regd todays posting of how to be honest and accept the fact that you have bipolar disorder, how do we tell a 14 year old that he has this disorder. How do we put it across to him?
regards,
Aadhil
Hello, Everybody!
David, today’s E-mail is SO Topical, because I’ve had to face a change in routine, a lot of Women from different Cultures AND a Session in the dreaded GYM!! Guess what? I’ve had a terrific two days and started to make new friends from all over the World.
Out of this group of Women, many have been asking me about Bipolar and Depression, etc. and I’ve got permission for the Documentary Crew to Film us together. The main points are for us all to mingle from various Countries; adapt and understand the differences in the different Cultures and find common grounds for friendship, plus to boost our Self-Esteem and Confidence levels via increasing our knowledge and fitness.
So, although I’ve been anxious about the change in my daily plans, I’ve discovered a much wider environment and opened myself up to an exciting, new adventure, where I’ve not stopped laughing with everybody! Some of the Women have told me of cases where the person’s still in denial, but I’ve explained how it took me a long time to accept this Condition and seek help, so there’s hope for everybody.
There are three of us on the Course who are loud, confident and ‘trouble-makers’, as we keep telling jokes to make the whole group giggle, so the Trainer’s teased us that she’ll be “feeling suicidal” whenever we’re due back! The sense of unity is wonderful and I’m so glad that I didn’t follow my urge to just stay in bed and cancel.
My Psychiatrist, Janice Morgan, advised me not to attend the local Councellors meeting last night, as I was extremely over-tired and starting to feel aggressive. The local Elections are due and I was looking forward to asking some really awkward questions, just to ‘wind them up’ (as I personally believe that ALL the Parties are corrupt), but I listened to her. She’s put me on an extra Medication to help me to slow down and sleep more, as I’m getting too ‘high’ again, so I slept for FIFTEEN HOURS last night!
I’ve got loads of good stuff to tell you all, but I’m knackered and it can wait for another day.
David, when you arrive in California, please try to take some time off working to enjoy the Sun, see the Attractions and REST on a Beach for a while, as you really deserve it.
Take care, everybody. Love,
Sue and all the animals. x
That’s the paradox of bipolar disorder – a DEATH sentence if you’re depressed; a LIFE sentence if/when you learn how to become stable with it.
When I was diagnosed with “manic depression” in 1977, I almost turned white. I had read about it, and learned about its manifestations, but refused to believe I had such a severe mental illness. Of course, I had ALL the symptoms of manic depression, but to actually HEAR the words of the diagnosis put me in denial.
I was in a private psychiatric hospital at the time, so there was really no time to “grieve.” The docs put me on Lithium and Haldol. I had to get up at 6 in the morning for a blood test, EVERY morning. After I was released – in a depression following a mania – I stopped taking the Lithium because of the blood tests (I HATED needles). I soon developed suicidal ideation, and was clinically depressed for almost a year. My PCP referred me to the Community Mental Health Clinic, and the psychiatrist there put me on antidepressants. I started up with the Lithium again (I didn’t WANT to remain depressed), and within 3 weeks, was almost stable.
I skipped the stages between “denial” and “acceptance” through education of the illness, and the restrictions it put on my life. I learned to take meds religiously to “maintain,” and follow a treatment plan. In 2000, I was diagnosed with “bipolar disorder,” which came as no surprise. They just gave what I had another name!
I had a rough day today; I broke down with my best friend over trying to get some help with a financial matter. Also, because of a snafu by my insurance company, I ended up paying over $1,000 to the IRS today; money I DON’T have, but Big Brother has to “feed the kitty,” and there was no way around it. I know I’m getting a little over $200 from the State, as well as the subsidy from the government, so that MAY make up for it (I hope so).
FYI – If you make a PERSONAL loan to someone, there is a statute of limitations of THREE YEARS to claim a repayment. I made a substantial personal loan to a friend in February of 2004, and have no legal recourse to get it back. Unfortunately, I NEED that money to stay in my condo. At this point, I feel SCREWED.
Hope you all filed your taxes on time (lucky you, if you don’t have to), and receive the $600 from the government as soon as possible!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Please say a little prayer for me as I navigate my way through the legal tussels I’m in. Thank you.