I HATE the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I have been bi-polar for over 25 years and it is awful. I never know if the next episode will kill me. I’ve been close many times. I am finally on medication that doesn’t make my physically ill but I have also lost my creativity. I am tired of struggling, tired of alienating my family and tired of being strong all the time. Fortuneatly, right now, I know that these feelings will change as quickly as my moods. I live a very sheltered, stress/drama free life, but it isn’t really living at all.

Hey Dave,
you left out humor. I am part of a parents group of BP teens. While we cry a lot and work hard to help our kids learn to function, we also see the lighter side. Sometimes I BP in a rant is hilarious, My daughter knows how loved she is but occasionally when she goes on a tear, I bust up laughing. After a second or two she replays her rant in her head. Then she goes “OH” and it seems to help us both. I also have a 29 year-old friend who is VERy BP. Even she finds ways to laugh at herself.
Instead of a constant fight, our family tends to see it as a constant source of entertainment value.
A favorite phrase is “Oh Well, At least it’s not boring”
We’ve also found that having someone snicker at your swollen watery eyes, during a sobbing depressive fit, can mean the difference between mopping your face or reaching for a knife.
Hope this helps
Annie

RELAX EVERYONE – IT’S JUST WATER MIXED WITH MUDD – THAT’S WHAT IT WAS ALL ALONG………..HA HA – GOT THE LAST LAUGH – DIDN’T I?????

144 Puma Lane
Mahtomedi, MN. 55115
How did you find me? I have been reading your very consistant emails about Bi-Polar. I have not seen any info on heredity? It is very much so passed on to your children. My ex-husband of 25 years finally was diaginosed with MS – then Bi-Polar after about 20 years of the most difficult Marriage it all made sence. All the years of up & down, good then bad/mean,physically mentally emotionally finicially then even sexually. Seperation then the stalking and begging and promises! All only to end because you see I was strong. I had to protect myself because I realised you can only help those who Want To Help Themselfs or also admit that they have a problem! When I read laying down and playing dead – I had to wright. That was the last and final tolerance I could bare. He actually played Dead laying down in one of our Horse stalls. He had been sucidal and locked up in a psych ward 2 times. Doctors recommeneding for him to stay only to be let out by his Parents and sent back hoome for us to deal with. I left anfter councling with his MD, our Pastor & Christian Counciling all telling me get out! We had two childen oldest son now 38 (he just now has his first child 9 mo, old now) and daughter 37 with two girls 16&14. My daughter divorced after 17 years and my son was Married less than 1 year. Very Very long and complicated lives they have lived! Iam sure they have it. Now my sons daughters Mother has it too! My current husband of 17 years has been diagnosed! He is a hermit and disabled spend ALL his time in the basement playing Video Games. He has Psoratic Arthritis and had tow majior back surgeries. Since he couldnt work any more he has been like this. I hane been surrounded by total disfuction all my adult years from all around me! Iam OK and have had many years of counciling. I do not have it but roller coast along with them all as I feel their pain and problems! So I my as well have it too! Yes I would really like to get your info because you are the first pearson I think really understands this. Its a LOVE/HATE, SUPPORT/INALINATE,etc. relationship with all of them. What are the chances for my Grandchildren I think the middle one all ready shows signs! I worked also 26 years in a Nursing Home and had to retire four years early because of all of MY Physical health issuses. My current husband has finically robed me over the years and we are now looking at Bankruptcy and or fore closure on our house. My son is in Alaska and his engaged girlfriend from back home got together over the inner net. They grew up together and were confirmed etc. so she moved up there lock stock & Barrel in Jan. she could not have children tried for year even had surgeries to conceive. By Feb she was pregnant a miricle baby? Last month 2 days before he was to have surgery she packs up baby and flies back home to stay! I did not know this – she calls says she & baby are here and wanted to visit GTREAT – Ha she lays on me whe I shoe her the things I had for baby & what she could take back home with her – she says she is not going home to Alsska. She has been my only contact. As my son for the last 3 years would not talk tome -because Iam a prespriction drug addict! I have to take them – they are MD ordered and strictly monitored. Wish I did not need them but dont all elderly people wish that! Well I could go on-& on with tangled web of family structure with my ex and our daughter but I wont! Yes I do want to lay down and go Home to Heaven and be with my many many deceased family and frieds. But Iam am strong and all my disfuntional family still needs me! So chin up, smile on faith strong and hope is never ending! GOD BLESS YOU in all your hard work to unravel the maysteries of this all encompising disease. Deb

Hi Dave, Everyday I come home and read your blog.I have learned to not take things people say personally,usually people who do not understand Bi-polar are the first people to throw stones.I believe it is all about attitude. I have had this illness for 21 years. I still am on the journey.I have accepted it,and just keep moving forward.The people who throw stones you rreally do not want in your life anyway.So THEY LOSE It is what it is .Everyday you have to try,everyday is good!!!!! Look forward to tommorrow that is alll anyone can really ask.:):):)

My wife is continually amazed at how strong I am, even though I don’t feel strong, because I never give up, I never quit fighting and I keep an internal well of strength to get me through the depressions and help me fight the impulsiveness of manias. I just imagine a strong steel pole, encasing my spine, and internally holding on to that as hard as I can. Also, have therapy and DBT helps a great deal, as well as the constant love and support of my incredible wife. She’s been the real reason I’ve gotte through the last 13 years afte the diagnosis. Am incredibly fortunate!

I agree with your statment that you need to fight against BP or it will control you. However the person with the disorder needs to have the same attitude in order for it to work. I would never tolerate being abused by anyone but there isn’t much you can do when it comes from a minor under 16. My daughter struggles with controlling her anger and has put numerous holes in the wall and hit me during her episodes. She has been hospitalized twice, many 911 calls and goes to therapy. The police won’t arrest her because she is only 13 so we go through a vicious cycle between the police and her mental health providers.

Great email. However, I notice it is leaning on the supporter’s side of the fence. That is great advice but I would like to impart the actual Bipolar person’s aspect in this. It is funny this comes up because I just went through an issue with my supporter in regards the same point but from the bipolar person’s point of view. I have bipolar and have finally reached stability and have been functioning very well. I think it is important to bring out that the bipolar person also feels that they too are losing control of their life sometimes with their supporters. Sometimes supporters are too supporting and it almost feels like you become a puppet and no longer have the capacity of making any decisions, control over your own life or opportunity to live a life. You are almost just living to die. I too have had my moments (none physical however) and of course have the moods and money issues when in an episode which are difficult, however, I have never taken for granted my support system and appreciate it very much but now that I am functioning I would like the opportunity to be looked at as capable and still a person, not some insane person who has no capacity ever. When things are going well, it is nice to have a mind in things and be considered and included in things as any other adult would be. I know it is very scary to the supporter because they feel it is the calm before the storm, but how can a person continue to function at a higher level if they are constantly feeling like they are being assessed and kept down?

You make a good point Cory and you sound like you have insight which is lacking in many situations when someone is not stable. I can understand that you might feel like your life is being controlled because as a family, you have to try to keep functioning without that other person and you become independent of the other person because you lose trust in them and can’t count on them to be responsible or have proper judgment or self control. I kept hope and stayed patient and prayed for a miracle, but that was not to be for us. However, it is also my experience that stable and high functioning can change without even a day’s or hour’s notice – especially when it comes to the anger issues and the angry thoughts that erupt. I have happy healthy memories of the stability but they are many years ago with our family member. And I am going through the grieving process twice because we gave such a huge second chance. It is difficult to understand when someone is being manipulative and lying and having delusions about who they are and what they do on a daily basis. It is even more difficult to tolerate the abuse and lack of insight about the abuse when it is brought to their attention! Our experience is that the personality disorder is worse than the bipolar condition and when you do everything you can for someone and think that they will “behave”, it is devastating for a family and the children most especially. The kids learn to not trust because they have been hurt repeatedly. It is their own mechanism to survive. I see my son now thriving because the stress is gone, but the whole thing is still very sad and pathetic when medications and a therapist that practices truth based therapy does work if they are willing to do the hard work and be honest (or have insight into how they have behaved) and have remorse.