Hi, how’s it going? Hope you are doing well.
Have you ever compared an apple to an orange? Now, this can be taken in two different ways. I could mean literally comparing the fruit. Apples are oddly shaped and colorful, while oranges are round, and, well… orange. Apples are often tart, whereas oranges are often sweet.
I could also be referring to the comparison of things that aren’t on the same level as each other. Like comparing the level of difficulty of a supervisor’s work to that of their employees. They are both likely to be hard, but in different ways altogether.
Here’s one that’s likely to throw you for a loop: How about comparing the lives of someone who has bipolar disorder to the lives of someone who doesn’t? Most of us do it all the time. I’m probably guilty of it myself. But if you honestly think about it, it’s like comparing apples and oranges. It just doesn’t add up.
The two people have different brain chemistries and processes. They have different difficulties and accomplishments. They have different levels of functioning in certain areas of life (with some areas favoring one and some areas favoring the other.) They have different sorts of addictions (less extreme examples being caffeine or spending.)
They have different pills they take to handle their problems (everywhere from aspirin to psych meds.) They have different types of jobs that they are skilled at. And they are likely to have the sorts of differences that everyone has with each other, on top of things (different tastes, personalities, and interests, for example.)
You know what else is different? They have different strengths. One is a strength of perseverance through struggles, hope beyond despair, and coping skills that combat mania and depression. For the other person, their strengths will depend on the circumstances that they have lived through and what they have bothered to learn from them.
There are many ways that both are similar, also. After all, we are all human and we all share some of the same traits with at least some of the people in this world. One person with bipolar disorder might have the same sense of humor as their friend who doesn’t have the disorder. One typically functioning individual might have the same fears as their neighbor who has bipolar.
But comparing tends to take something away from both parties. It lessens what they have been through and where they are going, and packs it into a nice, neat label that doesn’t match their life at all. It’s a cousin to stereotyping.
Maybe we should all try to stop comparing people who have bipolar disorder to people who don’t. Maybe we should stop comparing apples to oranges.
What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
Even comparing two persons with Bipolar disorder doesn’t add up. I wouldn’t even venture comparing two different days in the life of one person suffering from BPD.
I have been getting so angry and even started resenting him. I just didn’t understand why he couldn’t or as I often took it wouldn’t normal day to day things. You have opened my eyes have very likely saved our family. I am with someone who suffers from this disease and have had him hospitalized twice in the last 45 days. He is living with his parents since I fear that he will have another episode. I was in the process of trying to get him help AND pack for my son and I since I didn’t know if he would or could ever change. After reading your email it made me realize that it’s going to take compromise as in any relationship and an understanding of what he is feeling and that I need to stay by his side and help him get through the hard part of the daily routine of taking his medication. I’ve been with him for 5yrs and delt with it since it was just me but 2yrs ago we had a baby and I started to worry that he would be affected by his actions (keep in mind he’s been on all the wrong medications and they would only help short term) I have decided give it another try and get the generouse gift of knwledge that you are offering in the kit I am ordering today. I will keep you informed of the progress. I am and will always be forever thankful that I came accross your website. The man I met 5yrs ago has changed but he is still a wonderful, kind, loving. and caring person not to mention the best father when he isn’t going through the battle of taking the wrong medication. Thank you again, Kendall
Hmmm… caffeine and spending are ok. Great!
Apple, orange… Apple is hard, an orange is juicy. Both are healthy. Small perk!
Your Email “A Fruity BiPolar Lesson” is spot on. I have actually been trying to treat my partner who has Bipolar as the individual that she is. What is difficult is not making judgments of her based on societal norms. When something happens that hurts me deeply, it is difficult to not say “you should have known this behavior would hurt me”. “Any person with any sense of right or wrong would not have done such a thing to hurt someone they love”. I am not saying we supporters should be a door mat, we have to let our loved ones no that they have hurt us and it wont be tolerated again. So far this journey with the woman I love has been mostly the happiest times of my life. However, the bad times have also been some of the most difficult. It requires we supporters to give more of ourselves than we ever thought we could and a committment to keep on learning all we can about this terrible illness.
Hi,
I just want to say that your newsletter, blog or messages are like a friend arriving each day. Although you are in the USA and I am in the UK, I feel that I have some support close to hand.
I have learnt so much from them but also they are a source of comfort and support. My daughter has bi-polar disorder and when she is low, I often guide her towards some of your words of wisdom.
Thank you for all you have done to help so many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters.
Jan
(England).
Dave, I think you’re right about not comparing apples to oranges. I’ve met someone over the summer whose bipolar that I have come to really care about. They’rebtrying to get over an episode now that ‘s happened in the last month. I torn wondering if I met them during the manic part anddo I actually know the real person. This is all very new to me. I want to be supportive, but feel I’m getting a crash course learning how.
Immortality
By Eric Payne
Regardless, of race, religion, or creed, what is the fundimental goal? To live forever, right?
Even before we, as humans, invented visions of clouds or burning pits of fire as places to do this (eh, whatever it takes to make it real). Mankind has sought immortality.
What I say to you is this. HEAVEN is real but, it takes a life time to get there. To get there you must do two things. Well, really only one thing and this is to touch lives. Put a little piece of your heart into everyone you meet. That is where you will live forever.
The second thing, GET rid of fear! If you do the first part right, you wont need it anymore, anyway. Because, when your time in these shells we call bodies is up, you will already be ALIVE AND WELL! in the hearts and minds of everyone who keeps you alive.
To anybody that read that^^^.Thank You. For helping me get a little bit closer.
I have mixed feelings on comparing people with bipolar to people without. Yes, I guess it’s wrong to disregard all that a bipolar person has to deal with on a daily basis, but also I think they sometimes might like to be looked at like any other person, not focusing on their bipolar.
I am a bi-polar survivor and this article speaks to me in a slightly different way. I find myself comparing my success in life to non- bipolar individuals. There are not enough successful bi-polar roll models. Why is this?
MY GOOD FRIEND – I’M ALL TEETH TODAY!!! LOL!!
How about comparing the lives ofsomeone who has bipolar disorder to thelives of someone who doesn’t?
P.S. BEWARE WHEN WE COMPARE, RIGHT? LOL
Hi,
Umm apples and oranges – no – but have you ever read the Majic Far Away Tree by Enid Bylton? It was my favorite book when I was a kid. Its about these kids who move from the city to the country and find this majic tree, with majic little creatures living in the tree. At the very top of the tree there are different lands that you can go into, some good some bad and some totally bazar. Well this is how I would describe loving someone with bipolar. You keep going into these strange lands and experiencing these different realities.
There are times when all I want to do is get out of the tree and run as fast as I can back to “normal”, but I begin to fear that after a while of climbing the tree and visiting different lands, I know no other way and have just accepted this as “normal”.
Dave as you know supporters have to do so much more then the person with bipolar, as we have to keep on remembering that this is not real and that we have to keep so grounded so that we can help when its needed, and in many cases as in my own I have to also look after children and try to explain this all to them.
Do you have any advice for me to help me explain to my children why this very important person in their lives keeps going up the tree and into these strange lands? I do not want my children following up the tree or even wanting too>
Yo ERIC: Your sense of what is important in ALL of our lives is “spot on.” During my 3 hospitalizations for mania, I had the delusion that I was Christ in a woman’s body, and could “save the whole world.” When I came “down,” I saw how impossible (not to mention delusional) this thought was. I have been in recovery siince 1977( (my last hospitalization), and have come to acknwledge that while I can’t save the WHOLE worldl, I CAN begin to save my little corner of it. You are so right in saying our immortality lies in the memories of those whose lives we touch, positively, and, therefore, we can never be forgotten. The beauty of a life well lived is what counts. As far as “fear” is concerned, you are right, also. I believe, as did the Beatles” that ‘ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE,” and that love can cover a whole lot of dissention in this world, not only with individuals, but with sociiety as a whole. I lived through the “hippie 60s,” and survived, though not unscathed. All my manic episodes occurred during my 20s (1968, 1970, 1977), and I haven’t had a hospitalizaation since. Sure, I follow a treatment plan, but I have WORKED to make it so. Nothing worth having comes easy. One has to WANT to be made “whole.” Without desire of a “normal” llife, all hope dies. My experience speaks to Supporters as well as Survivors. Get yourself (or your loved one) to a GOOD psychiatrist, and stay with the program. If one medication doesn’t work, stick with your doctor until they get it RIGHT. I’ve had medicine mishaps in the past, but with the help of the mental health clinicians, I’ve made my way through them. I love Dave for his pithy and TRUE newsletters and emails. Just take advantage of all the education you need to cope with bipolar disorder. You WILL succeed.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
I have beendealing with bipolar disorder for about 10 years or maybe since I wass little My fiance doesn’t understand what I go through not even my doctor sometimes or they jus don,t have time to hear why I was like I was yesterday or an hour ago even 5 minutes I have been on so many pysch meds I am so sick of trying to fing what works this episode I have been going through was one of the worst it totally took control of me i was up for a whole week straight not sleepy a winhk all the sudden I go to yhe pool yesterday and went to leave and couldn’t walk my fiance was so embarressed he had to help me as if i were drunk but actually it was my mind shutting down to take a rest afterthat i have been sleeping not knowing anyone around me not even my 13 month old that hurts I have sop many dreams and expectations and am a mother with a great fiance that I cannot give up I will not I finally gave in and am trying depakote I,ve always known about it but after lithium abiloify serquel and 100 others i have no other alternative i want to go to online scooling to advance for personal growth to raise my daughter in the real world not the one I create for her afraid she may go through what i go through everyday I ask for prayers from everyone who uinderstands me please I never talk about it but its time to share with others who know what I am going through as I get older it gets worse it’s hard I wish I could have got that book for my fiance but did not have credit card I am sick of bein calle dthat bipolar lay or crazy lady I would give my last of food to the hungry ot the shirt off my back to somjeone who needed it it anyway I loveed the apples and orges comparison where can I get coping books for mje and for my fiance?
DON’T judge PERIOD! Comparing is judging-STOP IT!@ to some people you are no so great either-it is all in the eye and thoughts of the beholder-you want to go to heaven-Stop It! it makes me furious!
Galatians 5:22-23 – HEY FRIEND – YOU’VE BEEN HELPFUL – I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY WANNA BE SPOUSES HAVE LABELED ME AS THEIR OWN CHILD, CALLED CRAZY SISTER FROM HELL AND OTHER THINGS…….BUT THAT’S WHAT THEY WERE WANNA BES…… HERE’S WHAT A FRIEND HELPED ME WITH…….
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
SOMEONE KNEW I WAS HUNGRY FOR FRUITAGE